If someone flirted with your husband and you switch dentists

[MercyA]

Is there a glitch?  It says that you have more than 200 posts.

 

Possibly she means on the chat board?

[Mom-ninja.]

In a completely not-snarky way: I am impressed everyone is super secure and confident in their spouses' ability to rationally discern the situation and enforce boundaries.

 

 

Really? I'm surprised that you are surprised. 

[SquirrellyMama]

madteaparty, on 18 Feb 2016 - 04:44 AM, said:

In a completely not-snarky way: I am impressed everyone is super secure and confident in their spouses' ability to rationally discern the situation and enforce boundaries.

 

 

 

Really? I'm surprised that you are surprised. 

 

I've been flirted with by a co-worker, I was able to see the situation for what it was, and enforce boundaries. Easy peasy.

 

Since I don't know what the receptionist said, and she repeated it for you, are you sure she was flirting? It sounds crazy that she would repeat it, unless I've just never come across someone like that.

 

I'm very extroverted and I know people think I'm flirting with them when I'm absolutely not. I'm very chatty in a friendly way.

 

Kelly

[KungFuPanda]

I can't imagine switching dentists because of an overtly friendly receptionist. You WANT a People Person in that position and if she's a bit too enthusiastic I would chalk that up to a personality type and not that she's really pursuing my husband while I'm standing there. Someone mentioning my husband's striking blue eyes, doesn't seem any more sexually aggressive than complimenting his sweater or handwriting. It would seem more like a conversation starter than flirting and I would assume she engaged in small talk with all of the patients.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I've been flirted with by a co-worker, I was able to see the situation for what it was, and enforce boundaries. Easy peasy.

 

Since I don't know what the receptionist said, and she repeated it for you, are you sure she was flirting? It sounds crazy that she would repeat it, unless I've just never come across someone like that.

 

I'm very extroverted and I know people think I'm flirting with them when I'm absolutely not. I'm very chatty in a friendly way.

 

Kelly

 

Yes, my first thought that it was friendly banter.  If one person was friendly back and one wasn't, it would certainly explain why the receptionist was more focused on the friendly person.  But I wasn't there and the OP was.  Either way, it's easy enough to just change dentists. 

[heartlikealion]

I can't imagine switching dentists because of an overtly friendly receptionist. You WANT a People Person in that position and if she's a bit too enthusiastic I would chalk that up to a personality type and not that she's really pursuing my husband while I'm standing there. Someone mentioning my husband's striking blue eyes, doesn't seem any more sexually aggressive than complimenting his sweater or handwriting. It would seem more like a conversation starter than flirting and I would assume she engaged in small talk with all of the patients.

 

I would not feel as comfortable complimenting a feature on a person's body as their attire, at least if it could be perceived as hitting on them. You can definitely be friendly without complimenting a person's body parts or making their spouse feel awkward. I think it really should fall on the receptionist's shoulders to remain professional and not say anything that she wouldn't say in front of the dentist. It sounds like the way she was acting might not be behavior she'd showcase in front of her boss?? But I don't know. Could be that it is so natural to her she would talk like that in front of anyone.

[heartlikealion]

Really? I'm surprised that you are surprised. 

 

Well, some people in this thread flat out said their spouse wouldn't even notice if someone was hitting on them. There's no way to enforce boundaries if you're oblivious. I dated a guy that kept getting calls from one or two female friends. I told him I didn't think they knew he had a girlfriend and he should tell them. His response? "It never came up." My response? "Make it come up." When they called and I was in the car with him they must have asked what he was doing and he said, "nothing." I said that's when he could have said he was spending time with his girlfriend. I don't think he really meant any harm but stuff like this happens and I can see how men might not enforce boundaries early on. I have had to spell things out to dh before because we just don't see things the same way. But I was happy when he told me that he got hit on at a conference and told them gently that he was married.

[JustEm]

 

Could be interpreted as that you guys have an open marriage and you are encouraging and condoning the other person's interest in your husband.

 

Stringing along can be a sort of a form of flirting in itself. Sometimes. Especially when you don't know how it will be taken.

 

And, gently, but if the other person is a single woman who did not know that your dh is married, it even seems a little mean to me.

I agree about it possibly being a sign that we are open to something. But I would say at least half these women were married so I wouldnt feel mean about messing with them if they weren't paying costumers. I can understand it being mean if the woman is single but really the things I've heard about dh come out of the mouths of complete strangers wouldn't make me feel bad. Who talks that way to strangers about someone who is teaching both their kids? They make the conversation weird to start out so why should I keep it from getting stranger.

[KungFuPanda]

I would not feel as comfortable complimenting a feature on a person's body as their attire, at least if it could be perceived as hitting on them. You can definitely be friendly without complimenting a person's body parts or making their spouse feel awkward. I think it really should fall on the receptionist's shoulders to remain professional and not say anything that she wouldn't say in front of the dentist. It sounds like the way she was acting might not be behavior she'd showcase in front of her boss?? But I don't know. Could be that it is so natural to her she would talk like that in front of anyone.

I'm not arguing that it's the model of professionalism, just that I wouldn't fire my dentist over it. We don't know what the receptionist said. If she complimented him on his fine fine booty, that IS a problem. However, eyes and hair compliments can be completely novena and non-sexual. I walk through life with red hair. The comments are CONSTANT. I can't imagine DH feeling threatened enough to fire MY dentist because his receptionist told me my hair was pretty.

[Guest]

I would not feel as comfortable complimenting a feature on a person's body as their attire, at least if it could be perceived as hitting on them. You can definitely be friendly without complimenting a person's body parts or making their spouse feel awkward.

 

Oh my goodness though, people being CRAZY cuts all ways. You can't predict what will make people feel awkward.

 

Too, things are cultural. I am a very compliment-y person. Not consciously, but I'm Southern and married a true blue stoical (when it comes to compliments) midwesterner and it comes up. His family often thought I was teasing them or putting them on when I'd say simple, true things. Upon consideration, I see that everyone (except the jerks), male and female, in my FOO is big on compliments and friendly banter.

 

So you just can't tell. And there's no sense sublimating nice comments just because some people are super weird about having nice things said to them. [Didn't this JUST come up in another thread??? I am vaguely remembering...] or, evidently, their spouses.

 

As for "body parts," complimenting someone's eyes or hair or something is lightyears away from saying something suggestive like "Ohhh you have such lovely, smooth legs" ...or whatever LOL is that suggestive? I am obviously not good at flirting. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Edited February 19, 2016 by OKBud

[Jean in Newcastle]

Saying "I would like to get up close and personal with those eyes" or "I could stare longingly into your eyes forever"  would be crossing a line.  "My, you have such striking blue eyes." is not.  In my opinion, of course.

 

I've had men comment on my hair or my eyes or my height.  It never bothered me.  After all, those things are listed on my driver's license!  I had a man make comments about my breasts (appreciatively, but still. . . ).  I let him know very clearly that was not tolerated and that I would be going to HR if it ever happened again. 

 

[heartlikealion]

Oh my goodness though, people being CRAZY cuts all ways. You can't predict what will make people feel awkward.

 

Too, things are cultural. I am a very compliment-y person. Not consciously, but I'm Southern and married a true blue stoical (when it comes to compliments) midwesterner and it comes up. His family often thought I was teasing them or putting them on when I'd say simple, true things. Upon consideration, I see that everyone (except the jerks), male and female, in my FOO is big on compliments and friendly banter.

 

So you just can't tell. And there's no sense sublimating nice comments just because some people are super weird about having nice things said to them. [Didn't this JUST come up in another thread??? I am vaguely remembering...] or, evidently, their spouses.

 

As for "body parts," complimenting someone's eyes or hair or something is lightyears away from saying something suggestive like "Ohhh you have such lovely, smooth legs" ...or whatever LOL is that suggestive? I am obviously not good at flirting. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

 

Are you calling me crazy?

 

I just meant that things that the average person would consider taboo as far as "make a spouse uncomfortable." Maybe there's no consensus on what that would be, though. I'm certainly not going to go out of my way to say to a married man that he has the most beautiful eyes. I don't care if eyes are a common thing to comment on. I just wouldn't do that. But as mentioned before, we really have no idea what she said. Yeah, the legs would be weird lol.

 

I think people responding are forgetting that the receptionist didn't just flirt with the husband. She also was noticeably different toward the OP. If someone has the tendency to compliment anyone and everyone I'm going to view them differently than a woman that only responds that way toward the opposite sex.

[Guest]

Are you calling me crazy?

 

 

OMG no!!!

[G5052]

It's hard to judge from a few sentences, but "light flirty" isn't uncommon among receptionists. We deal with a lot of them with our host of medical issues. Having a receptionist make a passing comment about my or my husband's eyes wouldn't bother me at all. Sometimes they even say they were looking forward to seeing us again, probably because we're friendly, outgoing people. But as long as it is a brief interaction with no assumption of a deeper relationship, I really don't care. Maybe that's just me.

 

We've change doctors and dentists here and there multiple times. 

 

My oldest had surgery in October that went OK, but not great. In January we switched to a higher-level surgeon to fix the remaining issue, and cancelled all follow-up appointments. The first surgeon's office called to ask why, and I told them that we had decided to go to a different surgeon. They didn't ask anything else.

 

Some years ago we switched dentists because the new dentist took our insurance and the old one didn't. I told them that when I got our records. Then they called to see if we'd come back if they gave a discount. I explained that our finances came first and that it was a done deal.

 

I don't apologize for what is right for my family.

 

Edited February 19, 2016 by G5052

[Liz CA]

I agree about it possibly being a sign that we are open to something. But I would say at least half these women were married so I wouldnt feel mean about messing with them if they weren't paying costumers. I can understand it being mean if the woman is single but really the things I've heard about dh come out of the mouths of complete strangers wouldn't make me feel bad. Who talks that way to strangers about someone who is teaching both their kids? They make the conversation weird to start out so why should I keep it from getting stranger.

 

This is how I understood it as well.

Responding to Pen's comment that turning it into something funny would be mean. In some instances, perhaps which is why I wrote I'd be sorely tempted but would not necessarily say anything out loud. Be that as it may though, I cannot imagine making comments like that to a woman I obviously do not know well enough to know that it is her husband I am talking about.

 

A similar scenario happened to Ruth Bell Graham while she sat in the audience when her husband Billy was speaking. A woman said to her: "Can you imagine what it would be like to live with a man like that?" Ruth replied: "Oh yes, I can."  :)

Edited February 19, 2016 by Liz CA

[JustEm]

This is how I understood it as well.

Responding to Pen's comment that turning it into something funny would be mean. In some instances, perhaps which is why I wrote I'd be sorely tempted but would not necessarily say anything out loud. Be that as it may though, I cannot imagine making comments like that to a woman I obviously do not know well enough to know that it is her husband I am talking about.

Funny thing is prior to meeting dh I watched him perform his martial arts when he was my brother's teacher. And I made the same type of comments I hear(well not the straight out dirty ones) but I said it to my best friend! That makes sense because she appreciated the eye candy as well and I knew I wouldn't be putting my foot in my mouth or making it potentially uncomfortable for someone. Of course now I like to tease her about how she used to stare at my dh's butt.

[Lady Florida.]

In a completely not-snarky way: I am impressed everyone is super secure and confident in their spouses' ability to rationally discern the situation and enforce boundaries.

 

 

 

I'm confident and secure. Women have always harmlessly flirted with dh and sometimes he will harmlessly flirt back. I say sometimes because he is able to discern when someone has crossed a boundary. 

 

People's boundaries are different. We were friends with a married couple and the woman was a flirt. (They moved away and we lost touch.) She used to kid that dh was her boyfriend. There was never, ever, anything real between them. This I know to be true. I jokingly introduced her to someone as "my husband's girlfriend" thinking the person would get it, and had to backtrack and explain the joke after I saw the look on that person's face.

 

Saying "I would like to get up close and personal with those eyes" or "I could stare longingly into your eyes forever"  would be crossing a line.  "My, you have such striking blue eyes." is not.  In my opinion, of course.

 

I've had men comment on my hair or my eyes or my height.  

 

Ds has beautiful blue eyes and has been told that by strangers all of his life. I was embarrassed at his reply of "I know" when he was around 4 and a stranger told him he has beautiful eyes. I thought Oh no! My kid is conceited! Then i realized he was just being honest. He heard that all the time from people so he must "know" he has beautiful blue eyes. 

 

Now that he's older he still gets that comment, sometimes from young women his own age. When he hears it from a young woman he's clueless about whether or not she's flirting with him or just commenting on his eyes. Because he's heard it all of his life, he's one who probably is unable to discern what the comment means.

[Mom-ninja.]

Well, some people in this thread flat out said their spouse wouldn't even notice if someone was hitting on them. There's no way to enforce boundaries if you're oblivious. 

 

I'm pretty sure that even if one is oblivious he (or she) would be very aware if his/her personal boundary was crossed. If my dh doesn't pick up on subtle body language, eye fluttering, or verbal comments he will definitely get the message if someone say puts her hand on his thigh or leans in and presses her body against his. If she kissed him he'd get the message loud and clear.  :lol:

 

In other words no matter how clueless a person is he/she will clue in before finding himself in bed with another person. No one is that oblivious. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm pretty sure that even if one is oblivious he (or she) would be very aware if his/her personal boundary was crossed. If my dh doesn't pick up on subtle body language, eye fluttering, or verbal comments he will definitely get the message if someone say puts her hand on his thigh or leans in and presses her body against his. If she kissed him he'd get the message loud and clear.  :lol:

 

In other words no matter how clueless a person is he/she will clue in before finding himself in bed with another person. No one is that oblivious. 

 

I remember as a young college student, being hit on at the bus stop.  But I didn't realize it.  The guy kept trying out his pick-up lines and I was totally oblivious and was trying to answer but was confused as to what he was trying to say.  Finally an elderly lady leaned over and said, "He's trying to pick you up, dear."  Oh.  I got beet red and the guy left in disgust!  So oblivious can be a good defense! 

[Mom-ninja.]

I remember as a young college student, being hit on at the bus stop.  But I didn't realize it.  The guy kept trying out his pick-up lines and I was totally oblivious and was trying to answer but was confused as to what he was trying to say.  Finally an elderly lady leaned over and said, "He's trying to pick you up, dear."  Oh.  I got beet red and the guy left in disgust!  So oblivious can be a good defense! 

 

That is funny!

[heartlikealion]

I'm pretty sure that even if one is oblivious he (or she) would be very aware if his/her personal boundary was crossed. If my dh doesn't pick up on subtle body language, eye fluttering, or verbal comments he will definitely get the message if someone say puts her hand on his thigh or leans in and presses her body against his. If she kissed him he'd get the message loud and clear.  :lol:

 

In other words no matter how clueless a person is he/she will clue in before finding himself in bed with another person. No one is that oblivious. 

 

haha!! Well I guess I meant nipping it in the bud somewhere before physical contact occurs but well before a bed is involved.

 

I wonder if we will ever know what was said.

[Laura Corin]

haha!! Well I guess I meant nipping it in the bud somewhere before physical contact occurs but well before a bed is involved.

 

If you're oblivious or ignore it, the situation will mostly resolve itself .  Mostly the flirter will give up in the end if they get no response from the flirtee.

 

Honestly: my husband and I love each other.  How other people behave to us in this vein just doesn't make a dent.  It would be a fun story to discuss later if we even noticed.

[heartlikealion]

If you're oblivious or ignore it, the situation will mostly resolve itself .  Mostly the flirter will give up in the end if they get no response from the flirtee.

 

Honestly: my husband and I love each other.  How other people behave to us in this vein just doesn't make a dent.  It would be a fun story to discuss later if we even noticed.

 

I have a different perspective based on observations IRL but that's because the guys didn't realize they were indirectly allowing it to become an issue. This is assuming flirter person is already an acquaintance or such and tries to spend more and more time with the oblivious. Oblivious guy is just trying to be nice.

[Laura Corin]

I have a different perspective based on observations IRL but that's because the guys didn't realize they were indirectly allowing it to become an issue. This is assuming flirter person is already an acquaintance or such and tries to spend more and more time with the oblivious. Oblivious guy is just trying to be nice.

 

Okay - I'm not getting this.  The flirter carried on flirting and....  the flirtee gave up country walks, gardening and reading books to spend time with the flirter?  I suspect that Husband and I are too lightly social to get involved in this way.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I trust my husband to shut it down if and when it becomes a problem.  If he doesn't, my problem would be with him primarily.  Correspondingly, I would be pretty ticked if my husband felt like he had to monitor my reactions to behavior from others.  He trusts me to shut down anything that crosses any line. 

 

If someone's behavior is not obviously flirty then I don't have a problem with it.  There is a lot of casual banter that has no sexual overtones at all to it.  Honestly, if someone saw all banter as sexual flirtation, I would wonder why their mind is in the gutter or I would wonder if they had an anxiety problem that was affecting their marriage and their social interaction with others.  Not really my problem and I wouldn't waste more than a passing thought on it, but the thought would cross my mind.  

 

 

[SquirrellyMama]

If someone is oblivious, is it really a problem. That might actually be amusing. Never been in the situation so I might not find it amusing if it happened.

 

My mom takes compliments, and turns them into offense. One person asked her where she found such a handsome husband. She was outraged. I would have found it to be a compliment.

 

Kelly

[JustEm]

I have a different perspective based on observations IRL but that's because the guys didn't realize they were indirectly allowing it to become an issue. This is assuming flirter person is already an acquaintance or such and tries to spend more and more time with the oblivious. Oblivious guy is just trying to be nice.

But I still don't understand how that is an issue. If the oblivious person isn't interested then how could it ever progress to a problem? I mean it is a problem for the one flirting because they are inadvertently being led on but once it is clear to the oblivious person they would shut it down. I can see it being a problem if the significant other of said oblivious person was getting jealous of extra time being spent or they noticed the flirting person's intentions and oblivious person wouldn't respect significant other's concerns. But that then gets into why they don't respect significant other and not why they allowed flirting to go on.

[Melinda in VT]

But I still don't understand how that is an issue. If the oblivious person isn't interested then how could it ever progress to a problem? I mean it is a problem for the one flirting because they are inadvertently being led on but once it is clear to the oblivious person they would shut it down. I can see it being a problem if the significant other of said oblivious person was getting jealous of extra time being spent or they noticed the flirting person's intentions and oblivious person wouldn't respect significant other's concerns. But that then gets into why they don't respect significant other and not why they allowed flirting to go on.

And this still doesn't address something like the situation in the OP, where the flirter is someone the flirtee only sees twice a year or so, and not in a setting where anything could escalate.

[creekland]

Honestly: my husband and I love each other.  How other people behave to us in this vein just doesn't make a dent.  It would be a fun story to discuss later if we even noticed.

 

Same here.  It's been that way for over 28 years now and I know it won't change in the future.  We're still best friends doing as much together now as we did when we were dating.

 

I trust my husband to shut it down if and when it becomes a problem.  If he doesn't, my problem would be with him primarily.  Correspondingly, I would be pretty ticked if my husband felt like he had to monitor my reactions to behavior from others.  He trusts me to shut down anything that crosses any line. 

 

If someone's behavior is not obviously flirty then I don't have a problem with it.  There is a lot of casual banter that has no sexual overtones at all to it.  Honestly, if someone saw all banter as sexual flirtation, I would wonder why their mind is in the gutter or I would wonder if they had an anxiety problem that was affecting their marriage and their social interaction with others.  Not really my problem and I wouldn't waste more than a passing thought on it, but the thought would cross my mind.  

 

:iagree:  I was raised through my teen years by my dad, went to college where there were far more males than females in my dorm (due to being a cadet), was in a major where there were times I was the only female in my class (Physics), and now work with plenty of males at the high school.  Suffice it to say I get alone well with both genders, but often have more in common with the guys.  My humorous nature isn't confined to the internet.  It's part of my life and those around me are often humorous back.  Sometimes this could get misconstrued by outsiders I suspect.  There's never a problem IRL though.

 

Hubby doesn't work with as many females, but there are some.  I'm not the least bit worried.  I'm certainly not going to get concerned by a receptionist or passerby.  Either one of us would probably be joking back with them.

[heartlikealion]

Okay - I'm not getting this.  The flirter carried on flirting and....  the flirtee gave up country walks, gardening and reading books to spend time with the flirter?  I suspect that Husband and I are too lightly social to get involved in this way.

 

What I meant was a person inserting themselves into the oblivious person's life more and more or becoming too friendly or whatever. ex. coworker that starts joining the person for lunch more and more often. Or a situation where they are meant to spend time together (ex. let's say two adult chaperons that end up sitting together on field trips all the time) but their time is seen as platonic by one and not the other maybe? It's hard to put into words.

 

But I still don't understand how that is an issue. If the oblivious person isn't interested then how could it ever progress to a problem? I mean it is a problem for the one flirting because they are inadvertently being led on but once it is clear to the oblivious person they would shut it down. I can see it being a problem if the significant other of said oblivious person was getting jealous of extra time being spent or they noticed the flirting person's intentions and oblivious person wouldn't respect significant other's concerns. But that then gets into why they don't respect significant other and not why they allowed flirting to go on.

 

Sorry, I was not talking about the one-two times a year flirter anymore. I was responding specifically to being oblivious as the answer to being pursued. I was lumping "ignore/oblivious/non respondent" into one answer. Maybe that was unfair. Yes, I was thinking more along the problems created between the couple, specifically the significant other that was noticing the behavior, than the oblivious person and/or the one doing the pursuing.

 

I wish people (in general not necessarily you two) wouldn't be so dismissive of other people's perspectives just because they cannot relate. You don't have to lack self-esteem or confidence to have a situation rub you the wrong way. You can even be with a trustworthy person and have an outsider shake things up. If anyone is still confused or curious they can PM me. I'm way off topic as some of these replies are not relevant to the original scenario.

Edited February 20, 2016 by heartlikealion

[madteaparty]

I wish people (in general not necessarily you two) wouldn't be so dismissive of other people's perspectives just because they cannot relate. You don't have to lack self-esteem or confidence to have a situation rub you the wrong way. You can even be with a trustworthy person and have an outsider shake things up. If anyone is still confused or curious they can PM me. I'm way off topic as some of these replies are not relevant to the original scenario.

Agree. I'm going with the more charitable explanation that most people commenting "laugh it off" are particularly privileged to be able to have that life experience and security and of course I envy them that :)

In reminded of the whole John Edwards thing, which started with a "you're so hot" from a contract employee. Now that is truly laughable, but I'm trying hard to figure out who was doing the laughing after seeing what such a comment wrought.

If someone is clueless it may just mean they have never had their boundaries tested and therefore they just might not know where those boundaries are.

Edited February 20, 2016 by madteaparty

[Alice]

I'm not arguing that it's the model of professionalism, just that I wouldn't fire my dentist over it. We don't know what the receptionist said. If she complimented him on his fine fine booty, that IS a problem. However, eyes and hair compliments can be completely novena and non-sexual. I walk through life with red hair. The comments are CONSTANT. I can't imagine DH feeling threatened enough to fire MY dentist because his receptionist told me my hair was pretty.

 

Yes! So true. 

 

 

 

Edited February 20, 2016 by Alice

[Jean in Newcastle]

Agree. I'm going with the more charitable explanation that most people commenting "laugh it off" are particularly privileged to be able to have that life experience and security and of course I envy them that :)

In reminded of the whole John Edwards thing, which started with a "you're so hot" from a contract employee. Now that is truly laughable, but I'm trying hard to figure out who was doing the laughing after seeing what such a comment wrought.

If someone is clueless it may just mean they have never had their boundaries tested and therefore they just might not know where those boundaries are.

 

Anyone could open themselves up to sexual infidelity.  We all need to establish some boundaries for ourselves if sexual and emotional fidelity is something we value.  And I think that it is valuable for couples to have discussed the issue and have agreed on some basic boundaries within their relationship.  But outside of that, I don't think that you should impose boundaries on another person.  That is controlling.  This kind of control has been applied  historically much more frequently on women but either way, it is controlling.  Society has applied some boundaries (against sexual harassment, sexual assault etc.) to protect members in society in general.  But flirty behavior is allowed by society and has to be policed by individuals themselves.  Certain professional behaviors are usually policed by employers wanting to project a professional, yet welcoming image.  One way to police it is to do what the OP did, go somewhere else. Another way to do it is to talk to the employer to complain.  Even if some of us wouldn't have made that same move, I don't think anyone has said that it was wrong for her to do that. 

[PeacefulChaos]

Just catching up on the rest of the posts, I feel obliged to answer since I'm one of many who said I would burst out laughing if someone hit on DH with me present.

 

Honestly, I can't imagine it happening.  He gets flirted with sometimes, but mostly by coworkers or old women :lol: ... I don't really know how often.  I'm not there.  And that's why the thought of someone really trying to hit on him while I'm standing there is just foreign to me.  I don't blame the OP for leaving the practice, because that's just... weird.  

 

I know very few women who communicate via flirting... but then again, I guess I was someone who just was naturally flirtatious in my teenage and young adult years.  At least that's what I've heard.  :lol:  It wasn't because I was trying to be or because I lack 'normal' communication skills - I was being friendly.  

Sometimes men misunderstand friendliness still.  I know that's the case for a lot of people who work in jobs like mine (receptionist).  It's our job to be friendly, smile, etc, and I'm naturally like that anyway, but then I can tell when a guy's eyes light up because he thinks I'm flirting with him.

 

I'm not saying that's the case with the OP - just rambling a bit.  :D  :lol:

 

 

Anyway, re: not worrying about other people flirting with my husband, which isn't the point of the thread but has been tossed around here and there, I can't imagine it being something that caused me any stress.  It makes life much happier to not have to think about anything like that lol... even though it took me a few years post-marriage to understand just how much DH was committed to me, even in those times I knew he wouldn't cheat on me.  Honestly I can't even fathom anything like that.  He adores me.  So other women and such?  Meh.  Doesn't matter - not to me, not to him.

 

 

[Mom-ninja.]

My dh (at the time boyfriend) was hit on a couple times by men. I was highly amused both times. I did nothing to help him out either. 

[Janeway]

Are we talking flirting? Or full on propositioning?

 

I don't care about flirting.

 

I've never been asked why I changed offices.

I am being vague here..but it happened last school year. It was something to the effect where she was being super nice to him and rude to me, in tone and such. Her words were that she wanted him to have a particular appointment because she was going to be there that day and I said he was not available and I would take that appointment and he could take the later appointment. But she kept pushing it saying she wanted him to take the appointment. Why? well, because she would be there and enjoys seeing him." What? Why? I don't get it?" I was that dense that I kept asking. But..how dense was she that even after I said he was not available, he has a meeting at that time that she kept repeating herself that she only wanted him to take that appointment. She was only a receptionist type, not the actual hygienist so it is not like she would be working on him. It carried on long enough that it was bizarre. I finally said none of us need appointments. She scheduled him, and only him anyway. Then she followed up with a call for him to come in for the appointment she schedule him for anyway. Whatever. It was too weird.

[clementine]

I am being vague here..but it happened last school year. It was something to the effect where she was being super nice to him and rude to me, in tone and such. Her words were that she wanted him to have a particular appointment because she was going to be there that day and I said he was not available and I would take that appointment and he could take the later appointment. But she kept pushing it saying she wanted him to take the appointment. Why? well, because she would be there and enjoys seeing him." What? Why? I don't get it?" I was that dense that I kept asking. But..how dense was she that even after I said he was not available, he has a meeting at that time that she kept repeating herself that she only wanted him to take that appointment. She was only a receptionist type, not the actual hygienist so it is not like she would be working on him. It carried on long enough that it was bizarre. I finally said none of us need appointments. She scheduled him, and only him anyway. Then she followed up with a call for him to come in for the appointment she schedule him for anyway. Whatever. It was too weird.

 

Over the line, IMO.  I would have liked to say "You're sounding a little inappropriate." and waited for a response.  And I would have left that practice too.  

[Seasider]

Over the line, IMO. I would have liked to say "You're sounding a little inappropriate." and waited for a response. And I would have left that practice too.

I would have asked to speak to the offices manager, either right away or later that same day via phone. (Unless, of course, she is the office manager!)

 

OP, as you describe it, that was really over the line. She had to know you are his wife, right? Not his sister? I would have been tempted to say, "You do realize that's MY husband you're talking about, don't you?" But in reality, I may have done just as you and changed offices. Seems like the dentist deserves to be told, though, that his inappropriate receptionist is repelling clients.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would have asked to speak to the offices manager, either right away or later that same day via phone. (Unless, of course, she is the office manager!)

 

OP, as you describe it, that was really over the line. She had to know you are his wife, right? Not his sister? I would have been tempted to say, "You do realize that's MY husband you're talking about, don't you?" But in reality, I may have done just as you and changed offices. Seems like the dentist deserves to be told, though, that his inappropriate receptionist is repelling clients.

 

I agree.  I would have immediately asked to speak to a manager or the dentist.  That is inappropriate for any reason - even if her reason was that she wanted your husband to have that appointment because she didn't like him and she wouldn't be there, it would still be inappropriate.  (The only way it would be appropriate is if a specific appointment time has to happen when a particular machine or specialist is available or something along that line.) 

[FaithManor]

I am being vague here..but it happened last school year. It was something to the effect where she was being super nice to him and rude to me, in tone and such. Her words were that she wanted him to have a particular appointment because she was going to be there that day and I said he was not available and I would take that appointment and he could take the later appointment. But she kept pushing it saying she wanted him to take the appointment. Why? well, because she would be there and enjoys seeing him." What? Why? I don't get it?" I was that dense that I kept asking. But..how dense was she that even after I said he was not available, he has a meeting at that time that she kept repeating herself that she only wanted him to take that appointment. She was only a receptionist type, not the actual hygienist so it is not like she would be working on him. It carried on long enough that it was bizarre. I finally said none of us need appointments. She scheduled him, and only him anyway. Then she followed up with a call for him to come in for the appointment she schedule him for anyway. Whatever. It was too weird.

Okay, now that was bad. That is something I would have reported to her boss. Wow.

[Lady Florida.]

I am being vague here..but it happened last school year. It was something to the effect where she was being super nice to him and rude to me, in tone and such. Her words were that she wanted him to have a particular appointment because she was going to be there that day and I said he was not available and I would take that appointment and he could take the later appointment. But she kept pushing it saying she wanted him to take the appointment. Why? well, because she would be there and enjoys seeing him." What? Why? I don't get it?" I was that dense that I kept asking. But..how dense was she that even after I said he was not available, he has a meeting at that time that she kept repeating herself that she only wanted him to take that appointment. She was only a receptionist type, not the actual hygienist so it is not like she would be working on him. It carried on long enough that it was bizarre. I finally said none of us need appointments. She scheduled him, and only him anyway. Then she followed up with a call for him to come in for the appointment she schedule him for anyway. Whatever. It was too weird.

 

Okay, I'm one of those who said I don't care about people flirting with my dh, but that's pretty weird and unprofessional. Especially since the appointment time was obviously available and you were trying to make one for yourself. I would probably have tried to joke about it by saying something like, "Hey, are you flirting with my husband? I'll take his appointment and you get to see me" Laugh-laugh-ha-ha.

 

I probably wouldn't leave the practice if I really liked the dentist and hygienist, but I would have insisted on my appointment for that day, making it clear that her behavior was over the line. 

[PrairieSong]

I am being vague here..but it happened last school year. It was something to the effect where she was being super nice to him and rude to me, in tone and such. Her words were that she wanted him to have a particular appointment because she was going to be there that day and I said he was not available and I would take that appointment and he could take the later appointment. But she kept pushing it saying she wanted him to take the appointment. Why? well, because she would be there and enjoys seeing him." What? Why? I don't get it?" I was that dense that I kept asking. But..how dense was she that even after I said he was not available, he has a meeting at that time that she kept repeating herself that she only wanted him to take that appointment. She was only a receptionist type, not the actual hygienist so it is not like she would be working on him. It carried on long enough that it was bizarre. I finally said none of us need appointments. She scheduled him, and only him anyway. Then she followed up with a call for him to come in for the appointment she schedule him for anyway. Whatever. It was too weird.

That is weird, and over the top that she went ahead and scheduled your husband after you told her no one needed appointments, and then called him later to remind him! That behavior, plus her rudeness toward you, would have had me talking to the dentist about it.

[Danestress]

i honestly can't imagine involving myself in this. I don't know if my husband is oblivious to this kind of thing or not. But I think at the point he knows there is a problem, even long after I might see it, he can handle the problem without his wife calling the office manager or confronting the flirter.

 

He is fully an adult, and if I were worried about other women, I am pretty sure that I would gain no advantage over a flirty receptionist by acting like his mamma bear. Likewise, if someone flirted with me, I think him taking control when I didn't feel I needed or wanted it, would seem like a red flag for a controlling husband.

 

My response might change in a really serious situation, but nothing I have read seems serious enough that I would think DH needs me to protect and defend him.

Edited February 22, 2016 by Danestress

[creekland]

I am being vague here..but it happened last school year. It was something to the effect where she was being super nice to him and rude to me, in tone and such. Her words were that she wanted him to have a particular appointment because she was going to be there that day and I said he was not available and I would take that appointment and he could take the later appointment. But she kept pushing it saying she wanted him to take the appointment. Why? well, because she would be there and enjoys seeing him." What? Why? I don't get it?" I was that dense that I kept asking. But..how dense was she that even after I said he was not available, he has a meeting at that time that she kept repeating herself that she only wanted him to take that appointment. She was only a receptionist type, not the actual hygienist so it is not like she would be working on him. It carried on long enough that it was bizarre. I finally said none of us need appointments. She scheduled him, and only him anyway. Then she followed up with a call for him to come in for the appointment she schedule him for anyway. Whatever. It was too weird.

 

I've got to wonder what in the world was going on in her life at that time... High?  Drunk?  Just broke up with someone and brain fried?  But I'd also have called her out on it then and there because that's my personality.

 

"He's in a meeting then, so can't come, but I'm available so put me down for that appt and he'll take the one on X date. ...  You seriously won't do that because you want to see him?  What are you planning on doing with him?  Are you serious?"  Add laughter from both of us.  And I might have been getting louder each time I had to say something extra.

 

But I know not everyone can think of these things quickly.  They tend to come naturally for me.  If it didn't work, I'd be talking with the dentist either then or later when I thought about that route.

[PrairieSong]

i honestly can't imagine involving myself in this. I don't know if my husband is oblivious to this kind of thing or not. But I think at the point he knows there is a problem, even long after I might see it, he can handle the problem without his wife calling the office manager or confronting the flirter.

 

He is fully an adult, and if I were worried about other women, I am pretty sure that I would gain no advantage over a flirty receptionist by acting like his mamma bear. Likewise, if someone flirted with me, I think him taking control when I didn't feel I needed or wanted it, would seem like a red flag for a controlling husband.

 

My response might change in a really serious situation, but nothing I have read seems serious enough that I would think DH needs me to protect and defend him.

I don't think the OP's husband seems to need protecting either, but the receptionist acted unprofessionally toward both of them: odd, flirty comments to the husband and rudeness toward the wife. If it happened to us I'd say something, whether we decided to stay with that dentist or not.