Speaking of Valentine's Day...

[PeacefulChaos]

This is a very lighthearted opinion question.

 

So.  I'm not really a VDay fan.  It just really doesn't matter to me.  It's my personality, whatever - it seriously just isn't something that comes to mind as being important, whatever.

 

Growing up my grandma always bought me a little something for the day - a new pair of earrings, etc.  She sent me little packages at college.  

 

So... this will probably sound really silly, and it is.  It's not something that I lose sleep over or anything like that, it's just a slight hmmm curiosity moment, kwim?  

 

Anyway.  Is our non-participation in VDay a disservice to our kids?  Like, mainly Pink?  

 

I guess I think of it this way - my grandparents got me something on VD that wasn't anything huge, whatever.  But if Pink is a kid who likes getting things (I'm not even 100% sure she is), it's not going to like, scar her for life if we don't give her something, right?  She's not going to jump into the arms of the first boy who gives her a flower because she's starved for VDay affection?  :lol: :lol:

 

 

See, I said it was silly.  

 

So what say the hive?  No big deal, right?

[Bambam]

I don't think so. My relatives growing up were never very big on Valentine's Day. I married a man who really doesn't care about holidays either. I don't care about them either. He'd be happy to do something for me if I told him what I wanted, but hey, the man replaced my windshield wipers when I mentioned they would need to be soon. I'd rather have that than a fancy dinner and a box of chocolates any day.

 

And my kids think the real holiday is the day after when we go out and pick up a bag of candy for 30% off (used to be 50%, but I've noticed the last several years that it is only 30%). 

 

 

[marbel]

I don't think it's a big deal.

 

That said... I have said before that my husband and I try to acknowledge VDay for the benefit of our son.  We figure he may get married someday, and we want him to understand the cultural expectations of days like this.

 

Some of that is prompted by hearing from women hurt that their husbands ignore VDay, anniversaries, birthdays... I don't want my son to be one of those husbands, kwim?   So we don't do big stuff, and we wouldn't want him to end up with a woman who expected/demanded big stuff.  Big stuff is a relative term, I know. 

 

So, I do think that for my kid, it's important.

 

My daughter likes a bit of pomp and circumstance for these days, but by now she's figured out that she's in the wrong family for that.  Poor girl.  :-)

 

ETA:  And I am quite confident that my daughter is not going to jump for the first guy who hands her a rose. Not at all. But we do sometimes buy her flowers for other occasions...

Edited February 13, 2016 by marbel

[Chris in VA]

The only time I got stuff for St. V's was in school, kid-to-kid.

I saw my parents give to each other--that was nice.

But they didn't give me stuff. No problem.

[Dmmetler]

DD loves giving stuff, so this past week she took Valentines to her tumbling classes, homeschool co-op class, cheer team practice, and piano teacher :). She got a couple back from kids who also like giving Valentines and from instructors, and seems pretty happy.

 

We will go out Tuesday and buy a nice box of candy, too :)

[Arcadia]

My hubby's brother is the only one who celebrate on both sides of the family. Our extended family doesn't celebrate wedding anniversaries either. We do celebrate birthdays.

 

Kids did get Valentines in K when they were in public school. My oldest came back with a boxful of cards from his classmates in Kindergarten. Saw high school kids walking into the library after school on friday with roses. The school bus stops outside the library.

 

My kids rather wait for post Valentine Day sale for the Ferrero Rocher sold in heart shape boxes.

 

I rather have flowers in a pot so the only time hubby bought a bouquet was my wedding bouquet.

 

My dad gives my mom his whole pay check to spend. So does my male cousins. So I was looking for the same mentality when picking a boyfriend with intention to marriage.

 

If I want a gift I can just ask. The Valentine Day sale aren't great anyway.

[SKL]

The idea of getting one's own kids something for valentines day is new to me.  I don't do it.  It never occurred to me that my parents "should have" done it.  We do have one or two aunties who are silly about those things (IMO) and do buy something small for my kids, so I guess they won't be scarred, but I sure wouldn't give it a thought if they were deprived of that.  :P

[Jane in NC]

You ask if it should be a concern for your daughter but what about your sons?  Perhaps their future partners will have a Valentine expectation.

 

My father did not buy anything for my mother for Valentine's Day and I knew that it bugged her.  I don't think she wanted the moon, just a small acknowledgement. 

 

I tend not to buy gifts for the sake of buying gifts but if I see something that would be appreciated, I might pick it up.  So my husband received an exceptional bottle of Port that I came across while my son receives his favorite thing that I can give him:  homemade baked goods. My husband told me that he was late in ordering my gift, some special chocolate from an amazing chocolatier, something I would never buy for myself.

 

Is any of this necessary?  Of course not.  But it is nice.  And I do hope that my son has learned that unnecessary gifts or acknowledgements are really quite lovely.

[creekland]

Hubby and I are so incredibly different from the norm in how we live our lives (some holidays included) that we've made sure to actually teach our boys what more normal people are like - just in case they marry one someday or socialize with more normal folks :lol: .  

 

We've literally made a point to mention things when they come up.  eg "Mom doesn't ever do make up or like jewelry/cut flowers/chocolate/shopping, but many gals do like these things, so pay attention to what any gal you're close to likes" or "Dad isn't into football or most other sports, but many co-workers will expect you to know the basics of them."

 

Then we live our lives the way we like.  We always have suggested when they get on their own and/or with a partner that they examine their likes and live accordingly - not to any particular social expectations set up by who knows who in society.

[Night Elf]

I hope not. We don't celebrate many holidays and my kids have never seemed to regret that. We give presents on Christmas and maybe one on a birthday if there is something specific they want, which doesn't actually happen now that they are teens and young adults. They are content to go out for a birthday dinner. We even don't celebrate New Year's. All but one of us is in bed well before midnight and the fireworks in the neighborhood annoy the heck out of me.

[PeacefulChaos]

You ask if it should be a concern for your daughter but what about your sons?  Perhaps their future partners will have a Valentine expectation.

 

 

 

Eh, they know lots of people are into Valentine's Day and that sort of thing.  I remember DH telling them at some point - perhaps not VDay, but another day - that just because mom doesn't care about those things doesn't mean that someday they'll have a girlfriend who is the same, so they should pay attention.  

And they know the story - DH got me a dozen roses on our first VDay; we were in college.  They were sitting in the hallway outside my dorm room.  My roommate got up to go to class and was all excited, comes in and wakes me up, I walk out and see them, say, 'huh', and climb back into bed, leaving them there.

So he knew, from then on, that I really, literally, did not care.  :lol:  My roommate was mortified though.  :D

 

But knowing that story, they know that he did try to do the norm first - and ever since then has watched and laughed at all the poor suckers who run out the day before and pick up all the cheap crap from Walmart.  :lol: :lol:

Hubby and I are so incredibly different from the norm in how we live our lives (some holidays included) that we've made sure to actually teach our boys what more normal people are like - just in case they marry one someday or socialize with more normal folks :lol: .  

 

We've literally made a point to mention things when they come up.  eg "Mom doesn't ever do make up or like jewelry/cut flowers/chocolate/shopping, but many gals do like these things, so pay attention to what any gal you're close to likes" or "Dad isn't into football or most other sports, but many co-workers will expect you to know the basics of them."

 

Then we live our lives the way we like.  We always have suggested when they get on their own and/or with a partner that they examine their likes and live accordingly - not to any particular social expectations set up by who knows who in society.

 

This is so our life.

 

Seriously, Creekland, you and I - based on all the responses of yours I see in threads, I think we'd get along very well IRL.  :D

[Rachel]

We don't make a huge deal out of VDay, tomorrow is my husband's birthday so we celebrate that.

 

I do recognize the day for my kids, they love holidays. I put a small box of conversation hearts at each of their places at the table and hand wrote each of them a card telling them something I love about them. My friends all seem to have bought their kids gifts, we don't do that, my husband and I didn't buy each other gifts either.

 

I don't think your daughter will be scarred for life.

[T'smom]

Hubby and I are so incredibly different from the norm in how we live our lives (some holidays included) that we've made sure to actually teach our boys what more normal people are like - just in case they marry one someday or socialize with more normal folks :lol: .

 

We've literally made a point to mention things when they come up. eg "Mom doesn't ever do make up or like jewelry/cut flowers/chocolate/shopping, but many gals do like these things, so pay attention to what any gal you're close to likes" or "Dad isn't into football or most other sports, but many co-workers will expect you to know the basics of them."

 

Then we live our lives the way we like. We always have suggested when they get on their own and/or with a partner that they examine their likes and live accordingly - not to any particular social expectations set up by who knows who in society.

We're not really big into gifts, but I do like an excuse to buy chocolate- so we did buy our kids some chocolate and some for my mom who is visiting for the week and babysat for us a couple nights! I bought myself some chocolate while I was at it. If I manage to get to the store tomorrow, I will buy more chocolate. Hmmm, I am noticing a common denominator here!

 

Seriously though- everyone should pay attention to what their partner likes/doesn't like and behave accordingly. I would be irritated if dh bought me flowers (on any occasion) because it would mean that he did not pay attention to what I want. I don't want flowers. I do want books. And to not have to make dinner. I don't care that it happens on a certain day. I do feel badly for some people who posted on fb that they were disappointed on V-Day.

[heartlikealion]

I don't think my parents ever gave us stuff for Valentine's Day. Well, if they did, it was maybe some candy? Definitely not a big deal. I don't even know if my parents did anything for the day. If the church was selling meals they might have bought one. Nothing super fancy planned for the day probably.

 

Dh and I don't have high expectations for the day but usually get each other some candy or something.

 

My participation in vday as a kid was exchanging valentines at school.

 

If your dd knows the story, she might think her grandmother will do something? And you could tell her that it's not necessarily common.

 

The concept of parents getting stuff for their kids for vday was introduced to me on this board, months back. I remembered thinking it might embarrass me if I received stuff from my own parents in front of my peers, but people were saying their college aged kids loved the sweets. There are so many ways to observe the holiday and not doing so is not going to do harm imo.

[theelfqueen]

Yes! Obviously a child deprived of conversation hearts will grow up with a conversation-heart-shaped hole in their lives and be forced to fill it elsewhere. ~tongue firmly planted in cheek~

 

 

errr.... No. Really. We are people who DO celebrate little holidays. I love them. We had a special brunch today (I made crepes with cream filling and strawberries) and the kids got small boxes of chocolates (3 pieces per box) and DH and I sort of exchanged gifts.

 

But... I don't think it's important just a nice, fun thing we do. I'm sure you do your own small, fun things that your kids will remember as family traditions and treats. Even if you don't think of them that way, some kids will tell you about how they all had pajama nights on Sunday nights and everyone got in their jammies early...or about going out for lunch after church... or how their mom would break out popcorn and a movie at random times... or whatever. Most families have their little rituals.

 

My mom is basically a walking Hallmark card, so a lot of mine are tied to things like Valentines day LOL

 

[creekland]

This is so our life.

 

Seriously, Creekland, you and I - based on all the responses of yours I see in threads, I think we'd get along very well IRL.   :D

 

If you're anywhere near south central PA (York or Gettysburg ish) or northern MD, make sure you get in touch.  I tend to love meeting people!

[Sarah CB]

I don't think it's a big deal.

 

That said... I have said before that my husband and I try to acknowledge VDay for the benefit of our son.  We figure he may get married someday, and we want him to understand the cultural expectations of days like this.

 

Some of that is prompted by hearing from women hurt that their husbands ignore VDay, anniversaries, birthdays... I don't want my son to be one of those husbands, kwim?   So we don't do big stuff, and we wouldn't want him to end up with a woman who expected/demanded big stuff.  Big stuff is a relative term, I know. 

 

So, I do think that for my kid, it's important.

 

 

 

Dh and I weren't going to do anything special for VDay.  I had hoped to order in some Indian food.  But, then we spent a frustrating evening helping ds (13) with his science fair project and found out that the Indian restaurant wasn't doing delivery that night.  Dh made a 9:30 reservation at a nice restaurant for the two of us.

 

I thought that was sweet, but not really necessary.  However, my 15 year old ds was relieved.  He didn't like the fact that we weren't doing anything special and when he found out we were going out for dinner he was very happy.  So I can totally understand trying to acknowledge VDay for the benefit of your kids.

[Amy in NH]

Dh & I got each other very romantic gifts for Valentine's day this year. I got him more of the gold toe socks he loved from Christmas, and he got me new bearings for the furnace to replace the ones that have been making a horrible squealing sound 24/7. :)

 

I got each of the kids a small, 5-piece box of chocolate, and dh a king size package of reeces hearts. I still had chocolate left over from Christmas so I didn't get any for myself.

Edited February 15, 2016 by Amy in NH

[PineFarmMom]

I don't love it either.  We do things for each other, but not a lot.  $5 candy box for most of my kids, dark-chocolate covered almonds for my health-nut kid, pistachios and butterfingers for dh, cards.  We never buy gifts.  Dh buys flowers and candy and gets me a card.  He is super considerate and remembers these holidays better than I do.   :)  I don't think your child will have negative effects.  What if you just use it as a time to tell each child what is awesome about them, no gifts?  Even if you don't do that, I personally think it is fine.  IMO, the tone is set in our home all year round so a holiday won't make or break anything.  I'm not the most awesome mother in the whole world, but I try to set a tone that they are adored by me and that I will fight for them.  I think that is where the true strength for life will come from!!

 

My friend came over last night and saw the candy we had.  She was like "I did nothing." lol  She is one of the best moms I know...such a great influence on my mothering.  So I really think it's all good!!!! :)

 

Edited February 15, 2016 by Texas T

[PineFarmMom]

I accidentally did my post twice. 

Edited February 15, 2016 by Texas T

[Jane in NC]

Eh, they know lots of people are into Valentine's Day and that sort of thing.  I remember DH telling them at some point - perhaps not VDay, but another day - that just because mom doesn't care about those things doesn't mean that someday they'll have a girlfriend who is the same, so they should pay attention.  

 

Glad you have made them aware--and I hope they remember when they reach dating age.

 

It is always so sad around Christmas when we read posts here from women who want just a small token, a small acknowledgement from their spouse.  As the mother of a young adult male, I have striven to prepare him for a variety of expectations beyond our family culture.

 

And I will also confess that I mailed Valentines to all of my grand nephews and a grand niece, each containing a five dollar bill.  When I was a child, I loved receiving cards with dollar bills from my grandmother and an aunt who lived in California--as did my son who has an aunt who always did the same. Small gesture on my part which I hope brings a ray of sunshine into the lives of some littles.

 

[PeacefulChaos]

If you're anywhere near south central PA (York or Gettysburg ish) or northern MD, make sure you get in touch.  I tend to love meeting people!

 

Unfortunately, I'm a bit further south than that!

Not far enough to be out of this stupid cold weather and snow though... grr... arg...  #ihatewinter

 

 

AAANd this was quoted but it deleted the 'quote' part for some reason:

 

And I will also confess that I mailed Valentines to all of my grand nephews and a grand niece, each containing a five dollar bill.  When I was a child, I loved receiving cards with dollar bills from my grandmother and an aunt who lived in California--as did my son who has an aunt who always did the same. Small gesture on my part which I hope brings a ray of sunshine into the lives of some littles.

 

A random aside - not Valentine's Day related - several years back I used to send our niece and nephews cards with a little bit of cash in them for their birthdays.  They were little kids at the time, so like $5, because, you know, when you're little that seems like a fortune lol.  

THEN we're at Link's birthday party when he was turning 4 or so, and the parents of said niece and nephews said, as Link opened a card with money in it, 'Oh!  Well, we know all the money just goes to mom and dad's pockets, anyway!'  :svengo:  Um, no.  Nope.  And if that's where your kids' birthday money goes, you'd better believe I won't be sending THAT anymore!!  Sheesh!  :lol:

[OnMyOwn]

I used to get little treats for my kids when they were younger and I really enjoyed doing it because they got such a kick out of it. Now that they are older, they don't really seem to care about stuff like that, so I've stopped. I did bake heart-shaped cookies this year, though. I did it partly to please them and partly because I wanted to try out some of the neat decorating techniques I'd seen online.

 

And my dh didn't get me anything and I didn't get anything for him, either. And neither of us cared. Actually, I was glad because the things my dh tends to buy me always stress me out because they feel like huge wastes if money. A dozen roses from the florist makes me want to cry.

 

So, I'd say go with what feels right. I can't imagine any scarring over a lack of Valentine's day treats.