cc- Help me out with prayer circle group issue please?

[Tohru]

Our family does not do public group prayer, it is a personal thing and we'd rather not participate. That being said...I just joined a Christian group that opens and closes with prayer. This is new to me, coming from my background.

 

The group goes around the table asking for prayer requests and I don't have any, then when prayer begins, I don't really have anything to say. This is a personal issue and completely fine with me, however I'm not sure if it's awkward for the others because I just don't participate, but I'm there.

 

This was a first for my young child too and they were put on the spot in a group prayer circle asking for prayer requests and he felt terribly uncomfortable because he had nothing to say.

 

Soooo, I guess I have a few questions:

Is it primarily Evangeical and Non-denominational groups that do this prayer circle thing?

Do you have some one in your prayer circle that doesn't participate? If so, does it bother you?

How could I make this easier for my child without leaving the group?

 

 

[Guest]

I participate in offering praises if I don't have prayer requests. It's a sharing one another's burdens and rejoicing together thing. Many people would rather not pray aloud, but it's a good stretching thing, I think :). I've never been a fan but I gave that one up to God a long time ago, that he would keep me focused entirely on him and not on how I sounded or who was listening, and that I'd pray in earnest for everyone in the group and those in my life. After a few months of weekly practice it improved a great deal, and now I'm actually actually a prayer group/small group leader :D

 

As for children, I don't think I've seen it done younger than middle school, and at that age I'd encourage them to participate, even if it is just thanking God for the group that evening and the study of his word - short and sweet. Younger than that, I'd just let them pass. But it would be weird if it's done in the round and everyone is expected to say something. Maybe talk to the group leader about trying it as an op in, hand raising thing instead, where if someone has something they need to say or be prayed for they can choose to tell the group. Just an idea.

[milovany]

I really disliked forced prayer times like this when they were a part of my life. Yes, they tend to be in protestant and evangelical type circles from my experience. I would say cool on you if you are fine within yourself with not saying anything either when giving requests or praying out loud during the prayer time! Don't feel pressured to be anyone different. I always dealt with such pressure and guilt for not being a "better" pray-er!  I always wanted to not care, to not take it upon myself, but the pressure factor was too high.  As for your child, I'd get them out of it if at all possible.  They don't need their faith to be formed by such a thing.  If that's not something possible right now, teach them yourself what you seem to already know -- they don't have to take part, they don't have to pray, they don't have to ask for prayer and they don't have to feel guilty.  Just sit respectfully by while others do their thing.

[Renai]

I've stood in prayer circles many times without saying anything with no guilt. Are they pressuring you and you feel guilty, or is the guilt because "everyone else is doing it"? If you're able, let it go (cue music). If you have nothing to say, forcing it can make you feel bad because it feels fake. BTDT. When asking for requests, a simple "I don't have any requests" should suffice. Usually if you say nothing during the prayer, the person beside you will pick up the next part. If you're holding hands, sometimes a squeeze to that next person will cue them to pray so there's no long gap.

[Aiden]

If you feel comfortable discussing it with the co-op leadership, I'd do that. Go to the leader privately and explain that it isn't a part of your tradition. Explain that you and your children want to be respectful but would prefer not to participate. Most leaders would be OK with that, I think. If you don't mind your child participating, leave it up to him.

 

I was a very shy child in an evangelical denomination in which this was a normal part of every gathering. Sometimes I prayed aloud, but most of the time I didn't. As an adult, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. If anyone has ever had a problem with it, they never mentioned it to me.

 

Also, with the prayer requests ... Sometimes having people raise their hands to signify that they have a request works well, because no one feels pressured. However, going in a circle makes it easier for those who have requests but who are shy to share theirs--they aren't asking for attention by raising their hands, they're just answering a question. It isn't meant to put pressure on people, but sometimes to help more socially anxious people get over that initial hump so they feel more comfortable participating too.

[marbel]

I have never been super comfortable praying out loud.  When I was growing up, the only prayers I heard people pray aloud were ones we'd memorized or were reading.  I don't think I ever heard an extemporaneous prayer till I was an adult attending a Protestant church.

 

But there have been only two occasions in which I felt I had to participate in the praying.  In 20 years, that's not too bad!

 

I was attending a women's Bible study at a new church.  The first time I went I noticed that at the end, after prayer requests (which  not everyone participated in) the leader asked one person to "close."  She would start, and then people would pray, and after a pause when it seemed everyone was done, the "closer" prayed.  They didn't go around in a circle during the prayer time and not everyone prayed.  I sure didn't.  The 2nd time I went I was nervous and all the way there prayed (silently, alone in my car :-) ) that I would not be asked to close.  Sure enough, the leader asked me.  She saw me hesitate and said "you don't have to."  She said it in a very kind way, not putting pressure on me to do it, but I felt pressure anyway and did it.  It was hard, but I did it.   She apologized later and said she didn't know what she was thinking, asking a new person.  But in a way I was glad she did it, because... I did it.  Sort of like getting it over with, kwim?

 

The 2nd time was at a retreat and they had a prayer circle and went around, so everyone prayed when it was their turn.  I did it then too, but I hated the forced feel of it.  The next year I was on the retreat planning committee and told the others that I didn't want to do the prayer circle that way again. Everyone agreed. The person who'd led it the year before told me she regretted making everyone feel forced to pray.

 

Anyway, 20 years on... sometimes I pray, sometimes I don't.  I've never felt pressured other than those two times.  I have kind of gotten over my lack of eloquence in praying.  I feel like I sound like a 5-year-old compared to some people. But that is pride, isn't it?  Anyway, I do it when I feel like I have something to say. 

 

I was surprised after a baby shower in which we had a prayer at the end - the new mom came to me and said my prayer had really affected and helped her.  It was surprising because I was just very practical in my prayer where everyone else was very spiritual (if that makes sense).  That made me feel better.  We really have no idea how our prayers sound to people, especially the people we are praying for!

 

My kids don't like praying out loud either but I coached them a little when they started going to Sunday School and other groups, telling them to think of something to be thankful for if they had to make a request, and to listen to the requests of others, pick one they feel most strongly about, and pray for that, even if it's as simple as "help Sam's mom to feel better."  They don't tend to do it much but every  now and then one of them will tell me they prayed in the group for something. 

 

I'm not sure if I actually answered your questions in all that.   Oh, honestly I am not sure I would want to stay in a group that made prayer seem forced, but I know leaving may not be practical if otherwise everything is good.

[Junie]

 

Do you have some one in your prayer circle that doesn't participate? If so, does it bother you?

 

 

You have already gotten some good answers, so I'll just answer this one.

 

Yes, this has happened to me in the past.  No, it does not bother me.

 

I hope you and your child can become more comfortable in the group.

[bolt.]

It's very common to have various people 'participate silently' in group prayers. In fact, I think it's unusual that in this group everyone other than you is the kind of personality that is verbal in prayer groups. Just a coincidence (or a very cozy group), I guess. What I mean is that there's pretty much always some who verbalized their prayers and a few who don't. You doing what you are doing is really ordinary, and I don't think anyone feels at all awkward about it (other than you), so I just want you to know it's really just fine and totally normal.

[BigMamaBird]

Our family does not do public group prayer, it is a personal thing and we'd rather not participate. That being said...I just joined a Christian group that opens and closes with prayer. This is new to me, coming from my background.

 

The group goes around the table asking for prayer requests and I don't have any, then when prayer begins, I don't really have anything to say. This is a personal issue and completely fine with me, however I'm not sure if it's awkward for the others because I just don't participate, but I'm there.

 

This was a first for my young child too and they were put on the spot in a group prayer circle asking for prayer requests and he felt terribly uncomfortable because he had nothing to say.

 

Soooo, I guess I have a few questions:

Is it primarily Evangeical and Non-denominational groups that do this prayer circle thing?

I've only ever belonged to Evangelical Non-Denom churches so I can't speak for others, but every church I've attended has done group prayer.  It's very common.

Do you have some one in your prayer circle that doesn't participate? If so, does it bother you?

Every time.  No, it doesn't bother me or anyone that I know of.  Group prayer is an opportunity, not an obligation.

How could I make this easier for my child without leaving the group?

Just understand and explain to your child that they are under no obligation to participate to offer prayer requests or pray aloud.  I would explain that it is polite behavior to remain quiet and still during prayer time.  But no one is going to be tallying up the number of times you speak and judging you on it.  

 

[BigMamaBird]

It's very common to have various people 'participate silently' in group prayers. In fact, I think it's unusual that in this group everyone other than you is the kind of personality that is verbal in prayer groups. Just a coincidence (or a very cozy group), I guess. What I mean is that there's pretty much always some who verbalized their prayers and a few who don't. You doing what you are doing is really ordinary, and I don't think anyone feels at all awkward about it (other than you), so I just want you to know it's really just fine and totally normal.

 

I just wanted to repeat and emphasis the bolded.  Bolt is spot on.

[KrissiK]

I don't feel comfortable in those situations, either. Usually I just say that I have nothing, or I'll say something vague like, "patience for the busy week ahead!"

[Word Nerd]

I don't think there's anything unusual about not actively participating in a group prayer. You or your son may have felt you were "put on the spot" or obligated to share, but I don't think that is the intent of the group prayer. If DS feels pressured to speak and is very uncomfortable not joining in, you might want to talk to the leader/teacher so s/he can make sure it doesn't come across as an obligation when that part of the meeting is announced. I'm sure the leader doesn't want him to feel bad or pressured and may have ideas about how to help him feel more at ease during that part of the meeting. When I was attending groups, I preferred a "popcorn" approach to group prayers (anyone who wants to share a request or join in the prayer speaks up as they feel led in no particular order) instead of going around the circle one at a time.

[rjand6more]

I have always been in groups that have these.  I sometimes pray, sometimes not. I agree with offering praises instead of prayer requests.  If it is a goal to become more comfortable in praying aloud, these small groups are a great way to get more comfortable.  If not, just tell the leader of the group that you are a private prayer person.  People have always been in my groups who agree silently.  It's ok!  The leader should be sensitive to that.

 

Prayer time can be a time of anxiety.  I remember that well.  What if I don't make sense?  What if I can't remember what I'm saying?  What if I pause?  The silence was so loud!!  What if I forget someone's name?  I finally had to start small and work up to it.  And if someone is counting the "ums" and evaluating the elegance of your speech, it is that person who is not in a prayer mindset.  They are not speaking to God and it is their issue, not yours. 

 

I've never seen a teen group with prayer expectations.  I would just encourage my child in the same way I would encourage anyone else.  Pray if you are feeling led, not because everyone else is.  If you are resisting because of fear, tackle that fear-with baby steps.  If you are not feeling led, don't do it because you feel awkward even if you are the only one silent.

[momto10blessings]

In a situation like that I'd just ask the Lord to keep our country safe or bless everyone in our group or something general like that.

 

I'm really not a fan of forced prayer like that. Luckily I'm catholic and usually only get in those situations when I'm with other denominations. I really really hate holding hands during prayer. I don't see the point at all.

[Loowit]

I grew up in a church where this was a common thing.  If a person in the prayer circle didn't feel led to pray they just squeezed the hand next to them to let them know it was there turn.  I was not good at praying out loud with others, and it made me uncomfortable, but I have figured out since that no one thought less of me just because I didn't pray very often during these times.  All of the judgement, awkwardness, and pressure I felt was coming from my own insecurity and not from others looking down on me.  If you have a prayer or praise great, if not great.  It is a time to share, and not everyone has something to share every time.  I have never felt any less of people who didn't pray out loud, and I honestly can't think of a time that I really paid attention or could tell you who prayed and who didn't.

 

I have noticed a few posters that have said that they don't like this style of prayer, which is fine.  We all have our own preferences.  However, I don't think it should be seen as being a forced prayer, no one is forcing anyone to do anything.  It is an opportunity for members of the body of Christ to come together and share their burdens and praises with their Lord.  If people are being approached and made to feel bad for not praying then that should be addressed because that would be a problem, but that doesn't seem to be an issue in the OP.

[texasmama]

I've been in many prayer circles in several denominational groups for my entire life.  There are always people who do not offer requests or pray out loud.  It is fully acceptable to simply be present, bowing your head and saying nothing.  I never thought anything negative of anyone who did not care to participate.  There were times I did not participate because I had nothing to offer.  Not everyone want to or feels comfortable praying in front of others, and this is just fine, IMO.

[PrincessMommy]

I understand..  Not because I've ever been in a church setting where it was required that everyone pray out loud but because we have this kind of pressure at family gatherings.  Especially at Thanksgiving.   I hate it... but all it does it make me look like a Grinch. 

 

:grouphug:

[happi duck]

I'm glad it sounds like people have positive experiences. I was once in a group that insisted on prayer requests..."oh, come on, *everyone* needs prayer"...um.

[marbel]

I'm glad it sounds like people have positive experiences. I was once in a group that insisted on prayer requests..."oh, come on, *everyone* needs prayer"...um.

 

There is one woman at my church who often prays in prayer circle type situations for "needs unspoken."   Obviously that is not necessary but I think it's a way to acknowledge that everyone is not going to articulate their prayers to the group.  Sure, I'd agree that everyone needs prayer but not everyone needs the group to know what they need prayer for. 

[TranquilMind]

Our family does not do public group prayer, it is a personal thing and we'd rather not participate. That being said...I just joined a Christian group that opens and closes with prayer. This is new to me, coming from my background.

 

The group goes around the table asking for prayer requests and I don't have any, then when prayer begins, I don't really have anything to say. This is a personal issue and completely fine with me, however I'm not sure if it's awkward for the others because I just don't participate, but I'm there.

 

This was a first for my young child too and they were put on the spot in a group prayer circle asking for prayer requests and he felt terribly uncomfortable because he had nothing to say.

 

Soooo, I guess I have a few questions:

Is it primarily Evangeical and Non-denominational groups that do this prayer circle thing?

Do you have some one in your prayer circle that doesn't participate? If so, does it bother you?

How could I make this easier for my child without leaving the group?

It is perfectly fine for you not to participate.  You don't have to and should not ever feel pressured.

 

Same for your child.  The non-denoms I have known tended to do this.  Just don't worry about it.  No one is judging you.   Your child can just say that he doesn't have a particular need right now and they will move on. 

[Bluegoat]

This sort of thing isn't common n the churches I go to, but it has been in some mixed church groups I've been in.

 

I'm also not crazy about it, aside from being just too introverted myself, sometimes people make prayers that I am really not comfortable with.

 

One thing I have done when I know something like this will happen regularly is I just pick a standard prayer from my own tradition that I use.

[Hyacinth]

Is there a go-to prayer that the more liturgical Hive members might use in such situations?

[Ellie]

Our family does not do public group prayer, it is a personal thing and we'd rather not participate. That being said...I just joined a Christian group that opens and closes with prayer. This is new to me, coming from my background.

 

The group goes around the table asking for prayer requests and I don't have any, then when prayer begins, I don't really have anything to say. This is a personal issue and completely fine with me, however I'm not sure if it's awkward for the others because I just don't participate, but I'm there.

 

This was a first for my young child too and they were put on the spot in a group prayer circle asking for prayer requests and he felt terribly uncomfortable because he had nothing to say.

 

Soooo, I guess I have a few questions:

Is it primarily Evangeical and Non-denominational groups that do this prayer circle thing?

Do you have some one in your prayer circle that doesn't participate? If so, does it bother you?

How could I make this easier for my child without leaving the group?

 

I don't pray out loud unless I'm really stuck. It was common in most of the churches I attended for 35 years, which were Wesleyan, Assemblies of God, Calvary Chapel affiliates, and non-denominational/non-pentecostal/charismatic. (I don't know which denominations fit into the "evangelical" category. I thought all Christians were supposed to be evangelical, but I digress, lol.). The Gideons (those people who put Bibles in hotels), of which I was a member for some years, also almost always have prayer time in their meetings which include people praying aloud, and the Gideons are from many different denominations.

 

My Catholic groups pray aloud, too (and not only the formal prayers that everyone knows and pray out loud together).

 

Some of the prayer leaders make it a point not to have people pray around the circle but just as people feel led.

 

You can point out to your son that it is just fine for him not to have a prayer request he wants to share with the whole group, and that it's just fine for him to say nothing.