Tell me your methods when too many decisions are overwhelming you

[Liz CA]

Right now, we are:

 

1. Looking to replace my car. I don't like shopping for big ticket items because I always worry I make a bad choice (like the last car we bought).
2. Possibly looking for a new dog (this should be fun, but should we select another mastiff or a boxer this time?)
3. Thinking about moving closer to dh's work
4. I need to switch jobs (closer to dh's work and where we want to move) but I am in the middle of that and it hopefully won't be too stressful

 

I am feeling a tad stretched. Could not sleep last night until 1:30 a.m. which is not normal for me. I am a Christian. I should just be able to let it all go, right???

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I write a lot of lists.  I list out the various issues to tackle and I write options, phone numbers, information, pros and cons or whatever else is relevant.  I consult the lists. 

 

It's pretty much the only time I ever write anything down, but it just seems to help me with making decisions to write this stuff down.

 

I also try to be proactive.  I research all of my options.  I like to get a sense of what is out there and what can be done, etc. 

 

Put any non essential decision on the back burner if there are too many decisions.  Like the dog thing.  That's not a priority with all of the other stuff on the list. 

 

 

[luuknam]

If you're planning on moving I would not get a new dog until after the move. That way you'll know how much space you have for the dog etc. I don't know how far from your husband's work you currently live, but I'd maybe try to find that job for yourself before moving as well... that way you'll know your new income and job location, so you could live in between the two workplaces maybe or w/e. That said, if you live very far from your husband's workplace then maybe move first and worry about your job second.

 

I don't know if you *have* to replace your car or if you could backburner that, but if you don't want to backburner it I'd maybe make it a priority and get it done soon so you can get it off the list of things to worry about. It's not going to be the perfect car. It just needs to be a good-enough car.

[catz]

I would prioritize these and work on them one at a time. I would dedicate research time to them as they come up. I would probably wait for 3 to be a sure thing. Then 4. Then 1. I wouldn't add a new pet into the mix until I moved if I were planning on moving.

[luuknam]

Oh, and I don't know how you're planning on financing the car (cash? credit?) and how you plan on paying for wherever you're going to live (buy a house with a mortgage? rent?), but it may be easier to buy the house before buying the car, if you're planning on getting a mortgage and using credit for the car. Of course, that assumes that you can backburner the car. If you *have* to replace it soon, then that may not be an option.

[Liz CA]

Oh, and I don't know how you're planning on financing the car (cash? credit?) and how you plan on paying for wherever you're going to live (buy a house with a mortgage? rent?), but it may be easier to buy the house before buying the car, if you're planning on getting a mortgage and using credit for the car. Of course, that assumes that you can backburner the car. If you *have* to replace it soon, then that may not be an option.

 

The car will either be a cash transaction or a small loan (putting more than half down). We are always buying used and dh is doing most of the research on this but when it comes to looking I will go along. The old car will not smog without investing more than it's worth...so it must go.

The next house will be a purchase (mortgage unless I win the lottery) but I can "backburner" this issue since it likely won't happen within six months. It's sort of hanging out there.

Thanks! This really helps. Evidently I am not a good multi-tasker.  :)

 

[Zebra]

I would prioritize these and work on them one at a time. I would dedicate research time to them as they come up. I would probably wait for 3 to be a sure thing. Then 4. Then 1. I wouldn't add a new pet into the mix until I moved if I were planning on moving.

 

This.

 

There is no reason to get a new dog right now, and if you can possibly wait on the car, I would leave that for the moment.

 

It seems like you can't really find a new job until you figure out where you are going to move.   So I guess I would focus on moving closer to DH's job first.

 

In the meantime do research on what dog you want, and what car you want but don't worry about buying them until you really need to.

[klmama]

Car - With your dh narrow down choices using Consumer Reports or other similar resource to evaluate cars based on the factors that are most important to both of you:  reliability, features, gas mileage, etc., and then also figure in age and total mileage.  Let your dh choose two or three makes, models, and years of cars that would fit what you want, and let him search for just those.  When he finds something, you go along to determine if you like it or not. 

 

Dog - Irrelevant now.  Make decisions on the car, move, and job change first.  You don't have an extra 10 hours a week to take care of a new dog.

 

Moving - Decide house/location factors that are most important to you.  Search for those.  However, wait on that until you have the new job so you can find something close to or between where your dh works and where you work.  (This assumes that there are similar housing options all over the area.  If not, move first, then find the job.)

 

New Job - Since you are already in the process, just keep it up.  Not so hard now that you only have to decide if you like the car your dh finds.

 

[regentrude]

Prioritize. Car is probably top priority, dog would be last. I'd postpone the non essential dog decision until the other issues are solved.

 

Car selection:

Spreadsheet with a list of options and columns for specific features you want. Get specs, fill in spreadsheet, select option that fits your objective criteria best.

Car is the easiest of the three important decisions.

I'd get this out of the way and then look into moving.

 

 

[MyThreeSons]

Honestly, when I get overwhelmed with having to make a bunch of decisions, I sometimes just stand in the middle of the living room and yell, "I CAN'T DO IT ALL!" It does help me to relieve a little of the stress, and then I go ahead and do what I have to do. (For those who don't know, my dh has probable Alzheimer's, and our only son still at home has a myriad of health issues which mean he can't help with much either.)

[LucyStoner]

When I hit decision overload, I just defer the decision to my husband or pick randomly. He defers it to me when he reaches decision overload. Thankfully, my husband and I seem to each reach decision overload at different times. Our system would fall the freak apart if we both reached decision overload simultaneously.

[Entropymama]

Chocolate and avoidance. 

 

Oh, wait. Like for real? 

 

 

[Chris in VA]

I over-research and get all anxious. But then I tend to do two things--

First, I brain-dump when I can't sleep. I write down all my anxieties on a pad on my bed. It helps. I pray, too, but that's probably a given for you.

Second, I remember something a friend said, and I've said here before--My friend said (and I get this a little mixed up, but the gist is...), "You can have a ham sandwich, or a pbj. If you choose the ham, you can't have the pbj. But you have a great ham sandwich!"

 

So when you are paralyzed and can't choose between two options, you just choose, and you let go by realizing the good you have.

[MooCow]

Unless it is a "have to" I will usually wait until I have peace about it.

 

When in doubt, do nothing.

[Jenrae]

You have been given great advice up thread!

 

I will say though, that I can imagine you would be stressed out about the car shopping if you have to go look at the car alone. There is no way, I being awoman who knows NOTHING about vehicles, would want the task of looking at a car to determine if we were going to purchase it. If there was absolutely no way for my husband to join me in this, I would ask a friend to help me look at several vehicles, which would serve as an extra set of eyes and a sounding board and then have the vehicle checked over by a reputable car mechanic first before making a decision. Otherwise, I would be frozen in fear of a grave mistake!

 

Other than that I try to do what others have stated. Write it all down, prioritize, and pray for God's direction in my decisions. I try to only make one important decision at a time. If I don't feel peace over it, I wait until I do.

 

But yes, some decisions are just hard to make, Christian or not. Sometimes we can cause the decision making to be complicated because we want the "perfect" outcome, but really, where does it say our lives will be perfect? We just have to try and make the wisest choices and always be sure we are first seeking God's will.

 

And yes, reacing out to a forum like this, or asking friends for their input or perspective can help us sort little things out sometimes! On important decisions, I have learned that it really does help to seek counsel from older people as well. They have often been down this road already.

[Incognito]

Well, if I know it is something that I can't actually act on anytime soon (for instance, your dog decision), I pretend to have chosen one of the options and live with that choice for a while.  Then I see if I feel good about the choice I made, or if I end up feeling I regret it (even before I've done it).  It's great, because if I feel I regret it, I can then pretend I've made the other choice and try that out for a while.

 

For big decisions in general I do make lists, along with short term time sensitive goals (baby steps on the way to the decision - for instance with your car choices, make lists of what I want in a vehicle, then what types of vehicles could fulfil those needs, then considering brands - with things like consumer reports or the blue book? - is that what that thing is called? - to see what the general resale values are years down the road (which if they stay fairly high it means the vehicle itself is fairly high quality), then look for what vehicles are available that are slightly used in the brands/styles I want...I could go on and on, but each step would be linked to a deadline to keep me going).

 

 

[Sara in AZ]

Unless it is a "have to" I will usually wait until I have peace about it.

 

When in doubt, do nothing.

 

This is our style, for sure. We deal with decisions that have deadlines and live for a while with others until they fade away or the solution seems obvious.

[Peaceful Isle]

If I let myself, I would fret about a lot of things. :( Sorry you are losing sleep right now. That is no fun at all.

 

Try to decide what is needful for now. Maybe you could have your husband shoulder some of the "worry" right now, and just focus on the day to day things. 

 

The first thing on my list, would be the car. Once that is settled, you could work on getting a job by your dh work. Once you get that job, then think about moving. One step at a time, and don't think about the next step till the first one is done.

Easier said than done, huh?

 

Hugs to you. 

[creekland]

 I am a Christian. I should just be able to let it all go, right???

 

Nah, being a Christian doesn't relieve us from any daily stress from decisions like this.  Sorry!  We're still human, after all.  There's ideal life and real life for all of us.

 

Having a plan tends to work better... or avoidance.  Which I choose depends upon the situation and whether I feel I actually CAN do anything about the particular situation.

 

If I can get a new car, I'll start that process and have a plan to go about it.  If I can't afford a car, I'll turn to the chocolate and avoidance part (while saving what money I can on the side).  The latter works pretty well actually, unless the car is constantly chugging/skipping and making funny noises insisting on being heard.  ;)

[FloridaLisa]

I would prioritize these and work on them one at a time. I would dedicate research time to them as they come up. I would probably wait for 3 to be a sure thing. Then 4. Then 1. I wouldn't add a new pet into the mix until I moved if I were planning on moving.

 

This is how I would approach it. I would prioritize by need first and then by those that are within your control. It's probably just all of the uncertainty from the big moves along with a task that is unpleasant (car shopping) that is making you stressed out. It can seem overwhelming, but really, it does not have to be done today. 

 

 I am a Christian. I should just be able to let it all go, right???

 

 

Well, it's not always that easy. ;)  When I'm overwhelmed and stressed about multiple moving parts, I have got to spend time reading the Bible and commit my day to God in prayer. I have so many times asked God to "order my steps" and He is so good to help me deal with the one necessary thing at a time. 

 

Lisa

[hornblower]

Dog first.

The size & type of dog will determine type of car. (I'm buying a car right now & yes, I will be hauling my travel crates to the dealership to see how they fit)

Then search for better job change to pay for car & dog's training/toys/vet bills while balancing your needs to actually spend lots of time with the dog.

Yes, it's all about the dog :D

[Alessandra]

Your tasks are all extremely stressful. I would prioritize and do one goal at a time. And I would break it down into smaller chunks, for example, one sub task for the car might be to sign up for Consumer Reports online. Another day, I might start reading reviews. One trick I like is to promise myself that I only have to work on, say, reading reviews, for one hour on a certain day. Then stop. I find it is a great stress reliever to have a time limit. Somehow, it makes me focus and get more done in my allotted time. Also, by focusing on the process rather than the final decision, I find less stress. Ymmv.

 

I know people who like to work with a friend who keeps them accountable. Not my style, but works for many people.

 

Another technique is to find a "maven," someone who knows a subject and loves to give advice. Imagine if someone asked a WTMer for homeschooling recommendations. If you can find a real life person (or online one) who loves cars and giving advice, you can save a lot of time.

[LMD]

Brain freeze.

 

Denial.

 

Avoidance by watching tv.

 

 

I'm actually a real life grown up! Sometimes I just forget to act like one...

 

Good luck, hope you get some sleep!

[creekland]

Avoidance by watching tv.

 

 

Just avoid the car, realtor, and pet food commercials... (good luck with that!)

 

Netflix instead?

[Lanny]

One thing at a time, in priority order.  The same with things I need to do. There are always more things I want and/or need to do  than I have time to do. Do things in priority order.

[Plink]

I like Reverse Planning for those times when everything feels like too much: http://www.libertyhillhouse.com/?s=Reverse+planning&submit=Search

[Liz CA]

Just avoid the car, realtor, and pet food commercials... (good luck with that!)

 

Netflix instead?

 

Not a problem. We have neither cable nor satellite and Netflix is it. :) And somewhere here is chocolate unless dh has eaten it...

 

[elfgivas]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  

 

lots of good options suggested.

 

fwiw, here's how i would approach it.  (not necessarily the Right Way, or even a Good Way, but at least its an idea ;)

 

1.  prioritize.  for me that is always roof over my head, job to pay for roof over my head, car to get me to job to pay for roof over my head, and then, Dog : ).

2.  i research.  from  years of doing this, we have a short list for used cars which starts with toyota (corolla, and if a really cheap camry comes along).  this is because they are low maintenance, last a REally long time, and get great gas mileage, so its cheaper to own.  so I would start with that research, because i've done it before, and its relatively simple for me.  

3.  i research dogs.  (because I like them).  i look pretty much every day.  i don't get one until we are ready, but i have fun looking, and that decision gets easier as i go along.

4.  i research houses.  (because I like them, too).  i look pretty much every week, but when we are in the market, i look every day.  sometimes twice ;).  i visit some, because while i have a list of things i want, it sometimes doesn't actually reflect what i need, and i figure that out by standing in houses that are for sale.  it took me weeks of looking the first time before i realized that the first words out of my mouth to a real estate agent had to be "there need to be no interior walls, or practically none, on the main floor."  

5.  jobs.  well, jobs are scary for me, but i simply start looking.  i like to live near where i work, so sometimes i try to do those two things together (jobs and houses).  moving near to your dh's job might mean you don't need another car.  (if he can walk or bike to work).  

 

but then at the end of the day, i do a visualization where i have many shoe boxes on a book shelf.  i take down the one labelled "dogs" and put any dogs i looked at that i really liked in the shoe box.  then, i put the lid on and put it carefully back on the shelf.  then, i take down the "cars" box, and put what i've discovered in there, and then close the lid and put it back on the shelf.  same for "houses" and "jobs".  then the next day, when i sit down at the computer to research dogs, i visualize taking the shoe box down, opening it up, looking at what is there, etc, etc. 

 

hth,

ann