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My sophomore is "dropping out" of college -UPDATED in first post


texasmama
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"Dropping out" is in quotes because I'm not sure that is really the right way to state this.  She will finish her sophomore year and elect not to enroll for fall classes.  I was not expecting this, but I can't say it was a complete surprise, either.  She is a bright girl who is really not that into school.  She really mostly wants to get married, have kids, and stay at home with them.  She has no clear interests or aptitudes.  She is generally pretty good at anything she puts her mind to.  She just has not put her mind to this.

 

I am not too disappointed.  I am not too bothered.  I think this is exactly the right time to take a pause and try to figure out what one wants to do for a career and that continuing on a path you are not invested in while making solid C's is not a good way to spend time or money.

 

She is looking into dental hygienist school, which seems like a fine plan to me (in fact, I suggested it).  I have encouraged her to join Americorps or go live with our missionary friends in India and help them run their orphanage for a year.  She will not consider either of these things because she is anxious about being away from family/home.  and these options are too "out of the box".

 

She had some misconceptions about her plan, including thinking that she would have an associates degree.  Nope, you have two years of a four year degree.  Those credits will sit and wait, though, for some period of time, anyway.

 

Just sharing how the college path has turned out for this child of mine at this time.

 

UPDATED 4/14 - I spoke to college girl yesterday at length on the phone, and she had met with a former Sunday School teacher who encouraged her to finish an undergraduate degree.  She has found a dental hygienist program/degree at a local university and seems very motivated to pursue this.  It will require several science prerequisites so she will begin these in the summer at the CC, possibly going into the fall and then apply to transfer.  The new university is in the same town (commuting distance) as the current university.  I spoke to the staff at the orthodontist when my son was there for an appointment last Friday, and the hygienist said that the office (large, well-established orthodontist with multiple locations) will often hire summer help, and college girl could get a good idea of the job of dental hygienist doing this work.  I passed it on to dd, and she seemed excited and wanted to apply.  I am pleased that she has arrived at what seems like a good plan for her goals and that she is excited about it.   :)

 

UPDATED 5/24 - And yet again, a change of plans.  ;)  She has decided to pursue an undergraduate degree in social work.  Ironically, this means that (unless she changes her mind again), she will earn a BSW from the same university I earned a BSW from, just 27 years apart.  She will strongly consider going on to get her masters in SW and potentially becoming a therapist.  Again, ironically, that is what I did.  I will say that I did not suggest this major to her.  Her dad's wife did.  She is enrolled in three prerequisite classes in social work for the fall.  She will take the summer off.  She does seem excited about this choice, and while I do not suggest social work as a field for many people due to the terribly low pay, I think it really plays to her strengths, is broad enough to offer many different opportunities, and she can get a masters in a year with an undergraduate in the field.  She seems very happy.  :)

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dental hygiene school will be very competitive but is a good career. Her GPA if keeping Cs as of late may hender her. Of course that is dependent on the demand in your area. I couldn't get into dental hygiene with an A average. She may consider going the route of expanded dental assistant and then apply for hygiene.

 

I was the girl that dropped 4 year college my sophmore year as well. I did expanded dental assisting and it was a great supplemental income while married and young. 

 

eta: when my oldest DS was 4 and I had announced I would be homeschooling him, my dad gave me a letter I had written him discussing my need to drop out of college and seek another career field. I stated I just wanted to marry, have kids, homeschool them and just get enough education to assist me in those goals until then. I have no regrets. I did just that. I do think my dad mourned the thought of me giving up on a four year degree but it was quite neat to be handed that letter back where I had shown him the desires of my heart. He held on to it for me all those years. 

 

best wishes for your family! 

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:grouphug:   You sound like you are handling this very well.  Although, maybe you've been through many stages of acceptance.  

 

It sounds like this is the right decision for her at this time.  

 

Mine will be a freshman this fall - I haven't even let my head go to that place.  

 

:grouphug:

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dental hygiene school will be very competitive but is a good career. Her GPA if keeping Cs as of late may hender her. Of course that is dependent on the demand in your area. I couldn't get into dental hygiene with an A average. She may consider going the route of expanded dental assistant and then apply for hygiene.

 

I was the girl that dropped 4 year college my sophmore year as well. I did expanded dental assisting and it was a great supplemental income while married and young. 

At this point, she is a bit pie in the sky so will need to do the research and talk to some folks at schools about her options.  Her grades are not all C's, but she has a definite lack of interest and effort.  This is the kid I thought would do better with a gap year or a job and community college, but her dad insisted she go to a four year college.  I don't know that it would have made a difference, but I would have liked to have seen it happen.  

 

I will mention the expanded dental assisting to her.

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:grouphug:   You sound like you are handling this very well.  Although, maybe you've been through many stages of acceptance.  

 

It sounds like this is the right decision for her at this time.  

 

Mine will be a freshman this fall - I haven't even let my head go to that place.  

 

:grouphug:

Thank you.  

 

This week I went to funeral of a high school friend and got a couple of psych/educational diagnoses for one of my other kids so I think the dropping out of college kid fell to the bottom in all of that.  Also, her decision is made easier to take by the half-baked job she is doing with her classes.  I encouraged her to quit before she does herself (and her GPA) any more harm.  

 

She may well get out in the world and be motivated to return to the program she left or to choose a different path.  She may have a road to climb in order to finish out strong.  She won't be the first to do that...not even the first between the two of us.  ;)

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Thank you.  

 

This week I went to funeral of a high school friend and got a couple of psych/educational diagnoses for one of my other kids so I think the dropping out of college kid fell to the bottom in all of that.  Also, her decision is made easier to take by the half-baked job she is doing with her classes.  I encouraged her to quit before she does herself (and her GPA) any more harm.  

 

She may well get out in the world and be motivated to return to the program she left or to choose a different path.  She may have a road to climb in order to finish out strong.  She won't be the first to do that...not even the first between the two of us.   ;)

 

:grouphug:   You have had a rough week.  I'm so sorry.  I agree you have a great perspective on it.  Hoping pleasant discoveries are right around the corner for her!

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That's hard.

 

My son dropped out of college after his freshman year. He hasn't regretted it, and we are proud of his choices, where he is, and what he is doing, though it took dh and me several months to make our peace with his decision.

 

Our society has a strange obsession with college. There is more to life than college, and leaving it (stepping outside what is "normal") actually takes some guts. If you want a non-college perspective, spend some time exploring "uncollege" on the internet. People do all kinds of wild and wonderful things WITHOUT a college degree!

 

Wishing you peace and joy!

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That's hard.

 

My son dropped out of college after his freshman year. He hasn't regretted it, and we are proud of his choices, where he is, and what he is doing, though it took dh and me several months to make our peace with his decision.

 

Our society has a strange obsession with college. There is more to life than college, and leaving it (stepping outside what is "normal") actually takes some guts. If you want a non-college perspective, spend some time exploring "uncollege" on the internet. People do all kinds of wild and wonderful things WITHOUT a college degree!

 

Wishing you peace and joy!

Thanks for this.  :)

 

I may or may not have told her after she blurted out her thoughts (which were not really a decision until I told her that indeed, she could elect out of college), "Just don't drink, use drugs, get married or get another tattoo!  Do anything else you want because I don't care!"  

 

Really.  ;)

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:grouphug:

 

I dropped out of college at the end of my 2nd year. I got a job, and worked for a number of years before returning to college at night, working full-time during the day.  It was all on my dime, and my time.  I was 32 when I graduated.  Yes, all my credits waited that long.   It was a tough but satisfying time of life.   Sometimes taking a break isn't the worst thing.   Maybe things would have been easier for me if I'd stayed the course, but I'll never know, and things didn't turn out too badly despite my veering. 

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Thank you for sharing that. I do hope that if she does eventually return that she does it before she is so mired down that it is a huge struggle. At the same time, those folks like you make very determined students.

 

I did much better after a short break and went on to get a graduate degree.

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I'm really impressed with your daughter.  It takes guts to change directions mid-course, especially when it might not be a popular decision.  

 

One small suggestion - have her transfer her credits to your local community college and see how close she might be to completing an Associates.  Even if she chooses not to pursue it, she'll at least be aware how close she is. Community college has a completely different vibe and she might find something of interest there.

 

Best of luck to you all!

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I agree with transferring credits to an Associate's. They may be happy to help as in many states their performance depends on student completions of degrees. Then her pre-requisites can't "expire" if she decides to go back.

 

However, mind that she doesn't have unlimited financial aid options, so once you complete one associate's, you often can't get financial aid to go get another. So she needs to be very specific about what she wants to transfer in and what her long-term goals are.

 

Good luck. Dental hygiene is a great career, perfect for a family woman who wants to take time off and then be home when the kids get home from school.

 

Which is why of course we all miss school when we need our teeth cleaned, but whatever.

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It will not surprise me if my son opts to take a break from college or change his direction radically. For my own peace of mind, I've already done the math to see what he would need to do to finish off an associate's at our local community college. With his year of not-full-time dual enrollment during high school, the two CLEPs he did last summer and one year of university coursework, it looks like he could transfer back to the community college and finish an A.A. in one semester. My plan, if he comes to us and says he wants to quit school, is to do everything I can to urge him to take that one semester to get the associate's so he has some kind of post-high school credential before heading into the world.

Edit: I want to clarify, by the way, that the above was offered in the way of commiserational musings, just because I can imagine my kid making a similar choice, not as a "You should make your kid do this" comment. Really, it was just meant to re-enforce the idea that there are lots of valid paths.

Congratulations to you for being accepting and supportive of your daughter. I'm sorry you're having a difficult week.

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DH dropped out after a couple of years - he had finished all of a major and a minor and what was facing him was 2 years of gen ed.  He just saw no reason for it.

 

While I don't regret anything exactly, I did basically waste 4 years of my educational life getting a B.A.  I have not used it for anything, I learned as close to nothing as was possible, and the last year was pretty stressful.  

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I'm really impressed with your daughter.  It takes guts to change directions mid-course, especially when it might not be a popular decision.  

 

One small suggestion - have her transfer her credits to your local community college and see how close she might be to completing an Associates.  Even if she chooses not to pursue it, she'll at least be aware how close she is. Community college has a completely different vibe and she might find something of interest there.

 

Best of luck to you all!

That is a good idea.  This would be pretty simple.  Thank you for the suggestion. She took a CC class last summer.  She is looking at the dental hygienist program at the local CC.  It is a large, well-respected system.

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However, mind that she doesn't have unlimited financial aid options, so once you complete one associate's, you often can't get financial aid to go get another. So she needs to be very specific about what she wants to transfer in and what her long-term goals are.

 

Fortunately, financial aid is a non issue here.  Her paternal grandparents provided for the college educations of their grandchildren.  I only have to worry about my other three kids.  :)  (This dd is from my first marriage.)

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It will not surprise me if my son opts to take a break from college or change his direction radically. For my own peace of mind, I've already done the math to see what he would need to do to finish off an associate's at our local community college. With his year of not-full-time dual enrollment during high school, the two CLEPs he did last summer and one year of university coursework, it looks like he could transfer back to the community college and finish an A.A. in one semester. My plan, if he comes to us and says he wants to quit school, is to do everything I can to urge him to take that one semester to get the associate's so he has some kind of post-high school credential before heading into the world.

 

Edit: I want to clarify, by the way, that the above was offered in the way of commiserational musings, just because I can imagine my kid making a similar choice, not as a "You should make your kid do this" comment. Really, it was just meant to re-enforce the idea that there are lots of valid paths.

 

Congratulations to you for being accepting and supportive of your daughter. I'm sorry you're having a difficult week.

I took your post in the spirit in which it was intended.  :)

 

I do think that there are a lot of valid paths, that this is her life and not mine, and that it is impossible to predict how things will turn out pretty much from the second you see two lines on the pregnancy test.  That part never really ends.  :)

 

My only real frustration with this kid in these decisions have been that due to her father funding the college experience, I have lacked a "voice", and my gut has been right on pretty much everything because I know her and parent her very intuitively, and he parents from a formula.  (Excuse that one little complaint.  ;) )  In the end, she is making her decisions in spite of fear of some pushback from him, and I am proud of that.  He handled her decision better than she or I expected, though he needed to process it quite a lot with me and insisted that she "have a plan".  I told him that she has no means for making a plan, and that it will take time since she is starting from scratch with no real life experience to guide her in making a career or educational decision.  In the end, she has two parents (and two step-parents) who love and support her and two homes available to her as long as she needs them.  I know she will land well.  

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Your daughter is lucky to have you as her mom. :-)

Awww, thanks.

 

I did think how cool I am when I responded to her decision to drop out of college with the idea of joining the Americorps for a year.  For some reason, the tattoo bothered me more.  lol  (Maybe the permanency of it?  She can always change her mind about college, after all.)

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I left college for a year....it only took 6 months of working my butt off barely making ends meet on my own to want to go back to school, which I did.  Just keep being positive about her choices and hopefully she will find college to be a better path in a few months than she does today. 

This is what happened to me.  I worked as a nurses' aide in a nursing home, lived in a dive, had no phone, and ran out of food.  I went without medical care.  It was motivating.

 

I think she will probably return for a four year degree at some point, but if she does not and ends up as a dental hygienist, that is okay, too.

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:grouphug:  hugs for your hard week!

 

 

And, in a similar boat with you. DS#2 went 2 years at the CC, working towards a 3-year AAS in Interpretation for the Deaf, and decided after 2 of the 3 years, it was not the field for him. This year he is finishing off gen. ed. classes at the CC that will help him complete a transfer certificate, in case he ends up wanting/needing to go back at some point for a 4-year degree, and then he plans to work full-time with the company he is currently part time with, and see if he can work up to a manager position. He also has quite a lot squirreled away in savings, and if he can move up to full-time, his plan is to buy a house and rent out 2 rooms to pay the mortgage. And, he is totally willing to go for a 4-year degree at some point in the future -- there just has to be a solid reason / goal for it to want to do the work and spend the money on it.

 

He's working for a company that has a very good reputation, and very much prefers to promote from within, and the pay is good ($70-90K) if you can work up into the regional manager level -- no degree needed. :)

 

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My ds is dropping out before he even goes. He is choosing a tech certificate instead. We are holding his college money in case he changes his mind. He will receive that money at some point, but it will be saved for education for quite a while, just in case.

 

On the hygienist thought. One of my girls has decided to pursue this field as well. Hers will be a BS degree from a 4 yr college (if she is accepted into their hygienist school). She is choosing the 4 yr because it takes the same amount of time and classes as the community college option. Before being admitted, you must pass/take prerequisit classes. (Basically earning an AA heavy on the science.) Right now, if you do not have over a 3.0 you stand no chance of getting in. If you have less than an A in any biology/science class, you can forget it. (According to her advisor.) In addition, you need about 300 hours shadowing in a dentist office. DD is finding it hard to find a dentist to shadow. It is an exceptionally competitive field.

 

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At this point, she is a bit pie in the sky so will need to do the research and talk to some folks at schools about her options.  Her grades are not all C's, but she has a definite lack of interest and effort.  This is the kid I thought would do better with a gap year or a job and community college, but her dad insisted she go to a four year college.  I don't know that it would have made a difference, but I would have liked to have seen it happen.  

 

I will mention the expanded dental assisting to her.

If it helps, my young college self sounds a lot like your daughter. I really wanted to just be a SAHM, but started with elementary ed as a "backup". Then, a rude old man at my church said "Who knows when YOU will get married, so are you sure teaching will provide a decent income for you?"

So, after that, I switched my major a multitude of times - from education to Psych to Speech Path to Music Ed then back to elementary ed. I also toyed with wedding planning, architecture (until I discovered how much math was needed), was enrolled in culinary school in San Francisco and dabbled in a plethora of interests in between. 

 

I dropped out and worked for several years. Eventually, at 26, I made my way back to college and graduated with a BS in El Ed. So, even if she drops out, she may find her way back. :) 

 

 

Side note: 

I wish I had taken a gap year, honestly. Figured out what my passions were and followed them, because I fell back on the "safe" option of teaching. I am decent at it, I enjoy the kids, but I don't eat/sleep/breathe teaching like so many of my coworkers. 

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:grouphug:  hugs for your hard week!

 

 

And, in a similar boat with you. DS#2 went 2 years at the CC, working towards a 3-year AAS in Interpretation for the Deaf, and decided after 2 of the 3 years, it was not the field for him. This year he is finishing off gen. ed. classes at the CC that will help him complete a transfer certificate, in case he ends up wanting/needing to go back at some point for a 4-year degree, and then he plans to work full-time with the company he is currently part time with, and see if he can work up to a manager position. He also has quite a lot squirreled away in savings, and if he can move up to full-time, his plan is to buy a house and rent out 2 rooms to pay the mortgage. And, he is totally willing to go for a 4-year degree at some point in the future -- there just has to be a solid reason / goal for it to want to do the work and spend the money on it.

 

He's working for a company that has a very good reputation, and very much prefers to promote from within, and the pay is good ($70-90K) if you can work up into the regional manager level -- no degree needed. :)

That is a really solid plan, Lori.  :)  

 

And that salary is more than I ever made with a masters degree.

 

A cousin's son worked his way up in Sonic to a manager's position, bought a small house, remodeled it, and in his early 20's was a homeowner with a solid job.  Not bad.

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My ds is dropping out before he even goes. He is choosing a tech certificate instead. We are holding his college money in case he changes his mind. He will receive that money at some point, but it will be saved for education for quite a while, just in case.

 

On the hygienist thought. One of my girls has decided to pursue this field as well. Hers will be a BS degree from a 4 yr college (if she is accepted into their hygienist school). She is choosing the 4 yr because it takes the same amount of time and classes as the community college option. Before being admitted, you must pass/take prerequisit classes. (Basically earning an AA heavy on the science.) Right now, if you do not have over a 3.0 you stand no chance of getting in. If you have less than an A in any biology/science class, you can forget it. (According to her advisor.) In addition, you need about 300 hours shadowing in a dentist office. DD is finding it hard to find a dentist to shadow. It is an exceptionally competitive field.

She is solid in the sciences, including physics.  If her grades are a deterrent, she can retake courses at the CC until her prerequisites are good enough to gain her entry or try a dental assistant route.  Or change her mind tomorrow.  :)

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That is a really solid plan, Lori.   :)

 

And that salary is more than I ever made with a masters degree.

 

A cousin's son worked his way up in Sonic to a manager's position, bought a small house, remodeled it, and in his early 20's was a homeowner with a solid job.  Not bad.

 

It's great to have those real-life-success-without-a-college-degree stories! :)

 

Like someone said up-thread, we tend to blow college out of proportion; when you look at the statistics, only 41% (21-29yo) and 44% (over 29yo) of all working-age American adults have an Associate's or a Bachelor's degree. That means MORE than half of all American working adults are finding jobs and careers with only a high school diploma and/or "some college".

 

And yes, it is true that having a degree increases your odds of finding a job, having a higher-paying job, and retaining a job during hard economic times. BUT, because college costs have skyrocketed in the last 10 years, it's also true  that a big percent of those who earned the 4-year degree had to go into debt to do so, AND, that debt is heavily impacting other life choices for those who are deeply in debt: delaying ability to get married, have children, and purchase a home.

 

At the end of the day, my hope and prayer for our sons is that they will find the career that brings them satisfaction and allows them to enjoy using their gifts, interests, and strengths in such a way that they will also be able to balance with other life choices that are important to them (marriage, family, hobbies and activities, etc.). I just want for them to be able to be healthy, kind, productive adults who are a blessing to those around them as they have been a blessing to us! :)

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"Dropping out" is in quotes because I'm not sure that is really the right way to state this.  She will finish her sophomore year and elect not to enroll for fall classes.  I was not expecting this, but I can't say it was a complete surprise, either.  She is a bright girl who is really not that into school.  She really mostly wants to get married, have kids, and stay at home with them.  She has no clear interests or aptitudes.  She is generally pretty good at anything she puts her mind to.  She just has not put her mind to this.

 

I am not too disappointed.  I am not too bothered.  I think this is exactly the right time to take a pause and try to figure out what one wants to do for a career and that continuing on a path you are not invested in while making solid C's is not a good way to spend time or money.

 

She is looking into dental hygienist school, which seems like a fine plan to me (in fact, I suggested it).  I have encouraged her to join Americorps or go live with our missionary friends in India and help them run their orphanage for a year.  She will not consider either of these things because she is anxious about being away from family/home.  and these options are too "out of the box".

 

She had some misconceptions about her plan, including thinking that she would have an associates degree.  Nope, you have two years of a four year degree.  Those credits will sit and wait, though, for some period of time, anyway.

 

Just sharing how the college path has turned out for this child of mine at this time.

It's not over until it's over.  I dropped out midstream, due to some injuries to someone in my family and other things going on.  I went back a few years later, and was at the top of the class. Then I went on to obtain an advanced degree.  By then, I knew what I wanted to do. 

 

So, she may need to figure it all out, or may find something outside of college that she loves to do. 

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It's great to have those real-life-success-without-a-college-degree stories! :)

 

Like someone said up-thread, we tend to blow college out of proportion; when you look at the statistics, only 41% (21-29yo) and 44% (over 29yo) of all working-age American adults have an Associate's or a Bachelor's degree. That means MORE than half of all American working adults are finding jobs and careers with only a high school diploma and/or "some college".

 

And yes, it is true that having a degree increases your odds of finding a job, having a higher-paying job, and retaining a job during hard economic times. BUT, because college costs have skyrocketed in the last 10 years, it's also true  that a big percent of those who earned the 4-year degree had to go into debt to do so, AND, that debt is heavily impacting other life choices for those who are deeply in debt: delaying ability to get married, have children, and purchase a home.

 

At the end of the day, my hope and prayer for our sons is that they will find the career that brings them satisfaction and allows them to enjoy using their gifts, interests, and strengths in such a way that they will also be able to balance with other life choices that are important to them (marriage, family, hobbies and activities, etc.). I just want for them to be able to be healthy, kind, productive adults who are a blessing to those around them as they have been a blessing to us! :)

Good stats.  :)

 

And that is also all I want for my kids, plus whatever they want.  

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Yay! PTL! That sounds like a wonderful outcome and I'm so glad she had a plan she is excited about. I think that eagerness makes ALL the difference.

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I'm so glad she's going to end up somewhere that will make her employable forever.  That's great that she wants to be married and stay home with her kids--really, but my personal opinion is that every woman needs to be able to earn a living to support those kids if dad flakes out, dies, gets sick, etc.  

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I'm so glad she's going to end up somewhere that will make her employable forever. That's great that she wants to be married and stay home with her kids--really, but my personal opinion is that every woman needs to be able to earn a living to support those kids if dad flakes out, dies, gets sick, etc.

I could not agree more! That is most of my relief at her choosing not only a career in which she could support herself if needed and also one which includes an undergraduate degree, as that is required for many jobs. I have a masters degree in a highly employable, though not high-paying, field and an advanced license. In a short time, I can go from no job to a full time job and have some options on which one.

 

I have always preached to her that she needs a way to support herself and the education to do so. However, when it came right down to it, no one could force or push or cajole her into make good grades and continuing a program she was disinterested in. I think she needed to take this path and needed her dad and me to support her as she did it. I did not see the transfer to a different four year university and continuing on the path to a degree coming when this first occurred. It happened pretty quickly, too. But yes, I am glad for anything which helps her to be independent and use her talents and support herself. No one should be forced to be financially dependent on another person if it is at all possible to avoid it.

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