TeA Time Frequency Poll and Questions

[goldberry]

Also, and this may be TMI....  but DH is not one for "quickies".  He always wants to go the whole 9 yards so to speak. ;)  Which of course I greatly appreciate...BUT that takes time!  So we don't usually just grab a few minutes here and there.  Sometimes I wish he was more open to a quickie.

[Jean in Newcastle]

 

My heart goes out to all the couples who've grown to love tea in different quantities. That is such a hard place to be.

Or maybe there is just a range of normal and no pity is necessary.

[Guest]

It is hard to make time for TeA when there is a combination of these factors:

Hormonal changes/lack of desire in both parties

Both teens and younger kids in the house ensures that someone or other is going to have to find motivation earlier in the morning or later in the night than might seem worth it.

Medication can also influence interest, but sometimes that has to be accepted as a side-effect because the medication is necessary.

It was way more interesting to me when there was potential for new life.

[jenn-]

Or maybe there is just a range of normal and no pity is necessary.

I think she was referring to when there is a gap between partners with one wanting more servings then the other. If both partners are happy with less frequently consuming a cup, then that is great.

[PeachyDoodle]

Even as newlyweds, we were never in the 3-4+ days/week camp. We both very much enjoy the time we have, but it just isn't that big of a priority for us as a couple. I think perhaps the fact that we started dating at 16 and but abstained until we were married at 21 affects that. Or maybe it's just us. We are both very happy where we are (once a week-ish).

[DawnM]

*Immediate disclaimer for the newbies: TeA or teA is code on this board for the recreational activity typically shared by a loving couple.  It is used to keep bots from hitting the boards more.*

 

Recently I have addressed an ongoing strain on our relationship, my absolute lack of need or want of TeA.  My DH has been as good a sport as can be expected when only getting to enjoy a cup once a month, but when I couldn't even do that any more I found we were bickering more.  I finally spoke up to my Dr and she tested my hormones and my testosterone levels were below the point they even count anymore (<10).  Way below normal for a female and would definitely be impacting my want and enjoyment of a cup now and then.  She put me on a replacement hormone pill (at this point the risk to my marriage is/was greater then the risk of cancer as it doesn't run in the family at all), but it only improved a little bit.  She sent me to my OBGYN and he put me on a cream and OMG! is this what normal people feel like?  I actually remembered that I used to really like my cups of TeA, but it has been YEARS.  I think I'm going to wear my DH out.  So, now I have to be nosy and see where most people really are at in this realm of life.  I might have to back off the dose a little bit at this rate.

 

 

Are you talking about progesterone cream?

[Lucy]

For you ladies who don't have low T, check out bio-identical progesterone cream.  It's awesome.  I tested with low progesterone, and I use the cream daily (with the exception of my flow days) and I feel calmer, sleep better, have more energy, less overwhelmed, and am WAY more in the mood for TeA.  And my doc says that women don't even need to get tested necessarily, that you can dose it yourself based on how you feel.  You can buy it without a prescription, too.  I use Pro-Gest brand and use half the dose the pamphlet says to.  Research it and decide for youselves, but it's been AWESOME.

[SageRebel]

These are my issues I guess I should have been more clear. 1) We have an age difference of 29 years while my Tea desire has skyrocketed his has died which is also because of 2) He is a she kinda Male to Female transgender and been taking female hormones for years 3) I thought he would have the kindness to at least find different ways of drinking and brewing tea but no luck no care.3) This is harsh but true I am not his "cup of tea"  I think there are more issues going on than being trans. I have been with him for 11 years, and I have done everything. I am done. I am done. 

[Tsuga]

Oh Sage, so sorry.

[Tsuga]

Or maybe there is just a range of normal and no pity is necessary.

 

I don't think it's ever fun to be in a relationship in which one partner's needs are not getting filled.

 

I am not talking about couples which have agreed that 1x/week or never is great.

 

And I'm all for solo tea but it's not the same.

[jenn-]

Are you talking about progesterone cream?

 

Mine is actually a testosterone cream as that is the one that had me way below the normal level for a female.

[freeindeed]

Hubby and I are currently in the 2-3 times a week category. We used to be in the 4+ times a week, but having a special needs child bumped us down a bit in frequency.

[earthyfamily]

I will say that going off the birth control pill has made a HUGE difference in my interest in that area.  It's the best decision I've made in my entire life though I think...literally life changing for me/us.  DH and I have been married for going on 17 years now and thankfully are back in the at least 6 times a week zone....usually more, and sometimes more than once a day.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't think it's ever fun to be in a relationship in which one partner's needs are not getting filled.

 

I am not talking about couples which have agreed that 1x/week or never is great.

 

And I'm all for solo tea but it's not the same.

I misread your post.  I thought you were saying that it had to be once a day.  I agree that both partner's needs need to be filled.  If you look up frequency rates it is so dependent on age and other factors.  http://answers.webmd.com/answers/1180061/how-often-do-married-people-have-sex

[Tsuga]

I agree completely, Jean.

 

I also think that remaining GGG throughout can help partners adjust to changes over the life cycle. Physical flexibility is overrated when it comes to sex--attitudinal flexibility is far more important in creating a relationship that works for both partners.

[Slache]

Our tea life has suffered since DD got old enough to not go to bed early any more.  In our old house, our bedroom was an upper loft.  :glare:  We bought when DD was little and went to bed at 8 every night.  When she was old enough to be up, and up and down at night getting water, etc., it got really difficult to have any time at all.

 

We moved about 3 months ago to a house with a more traditional layout.  So we do have the closed door now...and it has helped...but I confess I still am not quite comfortable when DD is around.  I am listening to every little noise.  It's just really awkward.  When we are alone, I tend to be... vocal? :blushing:   and I have to seriously monitor that when DD is around.  It's not the best.

 

We play music every night when we go to bed. It's relaxing and doesn't stand out on nights that we do have teA. :)

[Runningmom80]

So, you are telling us, you take your TeA with cream? :laugh:

You win. Omg. :)

[AimeeM]

Ha! I'm glad to hear things are better. I've always felt that way (amorous) during pregnancy. I think that I ironically have a small taste of what it is like to be a man when I'm pregnant, and find myself amazed that civilizations have risen, wars have been waged, heck even jobs held down if this is what it is like for them all the time.

Pregnancy did the same for me.

 

DH prefers a cup several times a week. These days (since my hysterectomy, actually) I'm more of a once a month kind of gal, and if I'm honest, I could even do without that. I literally have no drive for a cup. 

I'm barely 30. It certainly has nothing to do with DH - I adore him and still definitely find him very attractive (lol). Any drive is g.o.n.e, though. DH is a fabulous sport about it, and I try to be the same - I try very hard not to turn him down, and in his favor is the fact that he never nags, or pouts, or gets upset when I'm not feeling up to it. 

 

Not for nothing, but this thread has encouraged me to talk to my OBGYN about it. Thanks for that.

[Soror]

I didn't answer it has varied so much month to month, year to year, due to all sorts of factors for us both. I just hate the idea as well that some frequency is normal. I think there is a bit of a sexist bit to the idea that women should be ready and willing all the time so as to keep their husband happy, no matter how they are physically, mentally or emotionally feeling, bullocks. If one has to put out all the time to keep their man happy than the man and marriage has a problem. 

 

Fwiw I had a similar recent experience myself as to the OP but my hormones have been so screwy for so long I really don't even know what my own normal is, I'm sure hoping that it is settling in somewhere though. I would like to know.

 

 

[jenn-]

Pregnancy did the same for me.

 

DH prefers a cup several times a week. These days (since my hysterectomy, actually) I'm more of a once a month kind of gal, and if I'm honest, I could even do without that. I literally have no drive for a cup. 

I'm barely 30. It certainly has nothing to do with DH - I adore him and still definitely find him very attractive (lol). Any drive is g.o.n.e, though. DH is a fabulous sport about it, and I try to be the same - I try very hard not to turn him down, and in his favor is the fact that he never nags, or pouts, or gets upset when I'm not feeling up to it. 

 

Not for nothing, but this thread has encouraged me to talk to my OBGYN about it. Thanks for that.

 

If this thread does nothing else, I hope it gives several of the posters/readers the courage to bring this up with their doctor.

[jenn-]

I didn't answer it has varied so much month to month, year to year, due to all sorts of factors for us both. I just hate the idea as well that some frequency is normal. I think there is a bit of a sexist bit to the idea that women should be ready and willing all the time so as to keep their husband happy, no matter how they are physically, mentally or emotionally feeling, bullocks. If one has to put out all the time to keep their man happy than the man and marriage has a problem. 

 

Fwiw I had a similar recent experience myself as to the OP but my hormones have been so screwy for so long I really don't even know what my own normal is, I'm sure hoping that it is settling in somewhere though. I would like to know.

 

You are absolutely right that as females we do get to decide when we are willing and able to serve up a cup and in theory it shouldn't put a strain on the marriage.  My DH has put up with being rejected for years.  I don't really think he would have ever followed up with the divorce conversation (we were actually fighting over a completely unrelated topic), but we really were not connecting physically or emotionally anymore.  It has only been in the last year that the strain to his emotional well being was beginning to show through. We were bickering over the smallest issues which in turn made it even harder for me to even consider giving in. Now this is all a new feeling for me and we may back off a lot and go back to bickering, but for right now, I'm enjoying rediscovering my DH.

[Tammyla]

You might want to discuss the dose with your doctor.  My concern would be levels so high vs. the possibility of your risk factors increasing.

 

 

He's definitely not complaining, just amused.  I'm just not sure I can handle the feeling of the need to call DH in the middle of the afternoon to come home for a quick cup of TeA.  We just went on a cruise without the kids after having been on the cream for a week and well... we had a lot of cups that week whenever we wanted.  Now he is gone all day and it is rough (all 1 day he's been back at work).

 

 

Sorry if this was mentioned; I didn't read the entire thread.

[jenn-]

You might want to discuss the dose with your doctor.  My concern would be levels so high vs. the possibility of your risk factors increasing.

 

 

 

 

Sorry if this was mentioned; I didn't read the entire thread.

 

I plan to mention it to him on Monday.  I have a preop appointment dealing with my other issues then.  I'm sure he will draw labs again to see if it is just a placebo effect or if my counts are actually rising.

[Soror]

You are absolutely right that as females we do get to decide when we are willing and able to serve up a cup and in theory it shouldn't put a strain on the marriage.  My DH has put up with being rejected for years.  I don't really think he would have ever followed up with the divorce conversation (we were actually fighting over a completely unrelated topic), but we really were not connecting physically or emotionally anymore.  It has only been in the last year that the strain to his emotional well being was beginning to show through. We were bickering over the smallest issues which in turn made it even harder for me to even consider giving in. Now this is all a new feeling for me and we may back off a lot and go back to bickering, but for right now, I'm enjoying rediscovering my DH.

I think that is fabulous that you are finding something that works. Of course it effects marriage, I didn't mean that it didn't just that we don't have to be sex kittens and a "normal" sex life varies from person to person. 

[MamaBearTeacher]

Is there a cream or something that will do the same thing for a man even if his testosterone levels are normal?

[6packofun]

The treatment for me is a straight testosterone cream applied to the inner thigh once a day. 

 

Would you mind sharing how much this costs?  Dh has low T and his dr. told him that it was too expensive to bother with.  I, with my high drive, was like, "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?!!"  Is it really that expensive?  (Our dr. knew that at the time we were somewhat financially strapped, so he wasn't being intentionally rude, btw.)  My dh's low T is very probably due at least in part to being very overweight, but gee, I'm still interested.  :(

 

[jenn-]

Would you mind sharing how much this costs?  Dh has low T and his dr. told him that it was too expensive to bother with.  I, with my high drive, was like, "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?!!"  Is it really that expensive?  (Our dr. knew that at the time we were somewhat financially strapped, so he wasn't being intentionally rude, btw.)  My dh's low T is very probably due at least in part to being very overweight, but gee, I'm still interested.  :(

 

 

I'm sure it depends on your health insurance.  I think I paid $25 for the month supply.  I don't know if a different formulation is needed for guys or how much it would be without insurance.

[KungFuPanda]

With my ex-husband it was 1x/day only because he insisted. Like--insisted. "I need tea and if I don't get tea it will be your fault that I throw the cookies at you." Um, okay. Eventually I got pretty anti-tea with him mainly because he kept drinking out of my teacup after drinking out of other people's teacups and I was like, DUDE BACKWASH GROSS.

 

When I was finally free from that relationship, I got in a relationship with someone who had been on the opposite end. His ex had decided that she wouldn't drink tea with someone to whom she was married because marriage was holy and tea, she felt, was not holy.

 

He eventually stopped boiling water and all that.

 

Now we are in a great relationship in which we both want tea and both of us take our tea the same way--milk in the black tea, green tea plain, and a hot toddy once in awhile--and it's fantastic. We drink tea pretty much every day and several times when all the kids are gone.

 

My heart goes out to all the couples who've grown to love tea in different quantities. That is such a hard place to be.

I'm not even sure what all of this means, but it's The Best! I actually giggled.

[jewellsmommy]

I can't answer the poll because there is no average. We are all over the map. TeA is drunk whenever the mood strikes. Sometimes once a week, sometimes 6+, just depends. One of our blessings is that we are pretty evenly matched and flexible.

 

The biggest hindrance we experience is that dd likes to be in our bedroom a lot for whatever reason. It can be awkward on a Saturday afternoon to be like, "hey, go do something anywhere else."  :lol: 

[LibraryLover]

^{I'm sorry. In rereading, that does sound harsh, I wasn't thinking less of anyone.  What came to my mind were those horribly unfaithful ancients.  It wasn't my intention to offend.}

[Mothersweets]

Just wanted to say that I love the euphemisms being used in this thread  - y'all are so creative. :laugh:

[mommymilkies]

During pregnancy, I like breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner, and supper. Dh hit some sort of mid-life thing where he would match up well to that while I'm in the "I just want a cookie and book and to never think about tea unless my drink is spiked" stage. This is partly due to relationship and things I won't talk about on here for fear it'll show up on some dumb NYTimes page. Hormonal wise I'd probably imbibe multiple times a day, but in reality...I want to read.  It's weird how hormones and relationships change so much.  

[jenn-]

Just wanted to say that I love the euphemisms being used in this thread  - y'all are so creative. :laugh:

 

I don't take any credit there.  They have been used in many threads.  Some of them are quite humorous to read as half the posters are talking about real tea when the question is about TeA ;).  Usually some nice person clues the others in, and it is the reason for the immediate disclaimer on mine before we had some really confused people wondering why I care about how much tea they were drinking.

[Guest]

I don't take any credit there. They have been used in many threads. Some of them are quite humorous to read as half the posters are talking about real tea when the question is about TeA ;). Usually some nice person clues the others in, and it is the reason for the immediate disclaimer on mine before we had some really confused people wondering why I care about how much tea they were drinking.

Let alone the confusion about tea, TeA, books and bOOks.

 

I'm not really sure I have it straight enough to post that one sentence. 8-O

[Pod's mum]

Let alone the confusion about tea, TeA, books and bOOks.

 

I'm not really sure I have it straight enough to post that one sentence. 8-O

 

Yep tea split on your books will make you cry.

Tea split on your bOOks will make you scream.

[Leav97]

I have a want for tea all the time. My dh does not at all. It has caused horrible strain and I hate to say it I really want to break it off. Its complicated, and I am stuck without any privacy for a cup of alone Tea. I honestly don't know what to do. I just feel like a freak most of the time.  :sad:  :crying:

 

Would a bath with a waterproof battery operated TeA kettle work for a private place?   :blushing: