lovinmomma Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Looking for advice about something that happened before Christmas break. :) My (gifted and adhd) ds8 really loves public school, and has wanted to stay in PS instead of hs. He's a social butterfly, gets fantastic grades, is athletic, and has always done well in school. Background: DS has a long-term sub and when my mom went for grandparents day at ds's school she came back saying the sub was really frustrating. Now, my mom is a teacher, my sister is a teacher, etc. my mom is not one to attack teachers. Well, apparently, the sub was going on and on (in front of the students and grandparents) about how one of the students is her favorite student and all the other kids "bomb" spelling tests while he gets perfect scores, etc. First of all, NOT true because my son has never bombed a spelling test but more than that my mom said that it left several children hanging their heads in embarrassment. My mom said it really felt like the teacher didn't like ds when she tried to talk to the sub about ds. Ick. Secondly, I noticed that ds started missing recess time much more often with the new sub. I know my son can be a talker and forgetful so there are certainly times that he needs the discipline. I just noticed an increase in the instances, but I realize sometimes kids act out more with a sub. I'm a room parent and typically very supportive of teachers. Latest: the last day of school before winter break my son told me that he had to go to study hall and miss the Christmas party because the day before he had to "pull a ticket and miss recess" for talking. Is it just me or does missing the party seem like a pretty steep consequence for talking? Should I just let these things go or talk to someone about the incidents? Chalk it up to ds learning a hard lesson? Am I being ridiculous? It just seems like this lady doesn't like my child. The sub only has another month or so until the teacher will be back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I would talk to her. If nothing else I think a social butterfly ADHD kid NEEDS recess to let off steam. I think it would mean less talking. And I AM a public school teacher so you won't find me bashing teachers unless they need it. :D I teach high school and I have a kid that sounds very much like yours right now. He is forever asking questions. Good questions, but really I think what he would like is me sitting next to him telling him, that's right after every problem. And I can't do that :001_smile: but his question asking can drive me batty at times. I usually have to take a deep breath and not tell him off for it, I, the teacher, have to remember that this is part of his diagnosis and be patient and remind him to wait his turn even if it is "just a quick question". Your son's teacher needs to remember that although he needs to learn to not talk when he shouldn't talk he is still LEARNING this and needs to be reminded not punished. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I would talk to her. A month is a long time in the school life of a little kid. And if she's made her mind up that she 'doesn't like' your ds, then his grades might start to suffer, either due to assignments where she does subjective grading or because he's not doing his best, feeling that no matter what, he's not going to make her happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 I would talk to her. A month is a long time in the school life of a little kid. And if she's made her mind up that she 'doesn't like' your ds, then his grades might start to suffer, either due to assignments where she does subjective grading or because he's not doing his best, feeling that no matter what, he's not going to make her happy.That's the other thing! I've noticed papers that are graded seemingly harsh... such as 0 points for writing "cookies" instead of "boxes" since the math problem was about boxes of cookies. Just little things that seem tougher than before for an 8yo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 I would talk to her. If nothing else I think a social butterfly ADHD kid NEEDS recess to let off steam. I think it would mean less talking. And I AM a public school teacher so you won't find me bashing teachers unless they need it. :D I teach high school and I have a kid that sounds very much like yours right now. He is forever asking questions. Good questions, but really I think what he would like is me sitting next to him telling him, that's right after every problem. And I can't do that :001_smile: but his question asking can drive me batty at times. I usually have to take a deep breath and not tell him off for it, I, the teacher, have to remember that this is part of his diagnosis and be patient and remind him to wait his turn even if it is "just a quick question". Your son's teacher needs to remember that although he needs to learn to not talk when he shouldn't talk he is still LEARNING this and needs to be reminded not punished. His is more being distracted while the teacher is taking. Lol Or losing assignments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 His is more being distracted while the teacher is taking. Lol Or losing assignments. I know every teacher has those buttons and some kids just push them so easily. :) I tried to edit and this is what I got! Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Former ps teacher here... taking away the party was overkill, imo. I honestly wouldn't relish the idea of talking to this teacher but think something needs to happen. I agree that a month is a long time and sometimes teachers don't return from leave after all. (Hug) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 Former ps teacher here... taking away the party was overkill, imo. I honestly wouldn't relish the idea of talking to this teacher but think something needs to happen. I agree that a month is a long time and sometimes teachers don't return from leave after all. (Hug) Admittedly, there was part of my mommy heart that twisted inside when he looked up at me with tears in his eyes to tell me he didn't get to go to the Christmas party when I asked him how it went. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 Here's a question: How do I talk to her without making her defensive and without it backfiring on the way ds is treated? How do I express my concerns but not come off as attacking? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 This probably needs to go to the principal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 "Hi, I've noticed that son has had to sit out recess quite often lately and his grades have been slipping. I would very much like to work with you to make sure this doesn't happen since I think he needs to get out and move around to get some of the wiggles out. Do you have any suggestion as to how we can help him learn to not talk so much in class?" Friendly but concerned tone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I'd be mad that he wasn't allowed any time to jump around. I'd consider that quite important for his mental and physical health. Unfortunately, it seems the only thing left a teacher can punish a kid with is recess. I think I would talk to her. I'm not saying that will be easy though. You might point out to her that he might get more cooperative with the time to jump around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I remember back in elementary school we had some kids who acted up in class and the teachers made them walk or jog around the playground by themselves for part or all of recess. They got the needed 'run off some steam' time, but also were missing some fun talk to friends time. I'm not sure it worked, because these kids LOVED to talk, so talking at recess might have been as important as exercise. Another popular punishment was sitting alone at lunch, or if there were multiple offenders, a no talking table. This was around 1970, so it may or may not work with your boy, but it's WAY better than missing a party! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I would just talk to the principal at this point. It's already gone too far IMO. I don't think it was appropriate for him to miss the party without her discussing it with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 If he has ADHD, he should at minimum have a 504, possibly an IEP. Discipline should be spelled out in that document, and removing recess should not be an option! That's incredibly counterproductive for a typical student. Many districts have policies against using that as a disciplinary tactic. If you don't have a 504, you need one. Request a meeting with the principal to get one set up, and do that in writing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I would send an email and share your concerns, then say you want to address any problem areas and get the new year off to a good start. It would probably be better to meet and talk with her in person if possible. I agree that making him miss the party seems pretty harsh, and I would want to address that specifically as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 If he has ADHD, he should at minimum have a 504, possibly an IEP. Discipline should be spelled out in that document, and removing recess should not be an option! That's incredibly counterproductive for a typical student. Many districts have policies against using that as a disciplinary tactic. If you don't have a 504, you need one. Request a meeting with the principal to get one set up, and do that in writing. I agree with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 apparently, the sub was going on and on (in front of the students and grandparents) about how one of the students is her favorite student and all the other kids "bomb" spelling tests while he gets perfect scores, etc. First of all, NOT true because my son has never bombed a spelling test but more than that my mom said that it left several children hanging their heads in embarrassment. I never work in elementary school, but this would bother me a bit more than some of the other stuff to be honest, though missing the party would rank right up there too. How old is this sub and what kind of training and experience does she have? Are there any other parents you are friends with? What do they think of her? I'm guessing she either doesn't have much experience or is pretty "old school." Either way, it needs to be fixed, but I have a feeling she might be set in her ways and not exactly open to hearing from you. Does the school have any sort of guidance person who can be there at a meeting? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 If you already have an IEP (which you should) call a team meeting immediately. If you don't have an IEP, make a referral for one immediately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 "Hi, I've noticed that son has had to sit out recess quite often lately and his grades have been slipping. I would very much like to work with you to make sure this doesn't happen since I think he needs to get out and move around to get some of the wiggles out. Do you have any suggestion as to how we can help him learn to not talk so much in class?" Friendly but concerned tone. I like this. Thank you. In my past (albeit few) interactions with her she's been less than friendly, but I know all too well the consequences of a poor parent/teacher relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 Let me see if I can clarify this a little bit. DS did miss recess the day before the party because he had to pull a ticket for talking. When they miss recess they do get to walk around a square that is painted on the blacktop, so there is a little bit of movement. The next day after missing recess was the party and on that day he had to miss the Christmas party because the day before he had pulled a ticket (and served recess time). To me, it feels like two consequences for one offense. Not to mention the fact that one of the consequences seems awful harsh for talking. He doesn't have an IEP because I don't want to medicate him. I have adult ADD and I'm medicated, but ds is very athletically inclined and I'm worried that meds will stunt his growth. Up until this year ds's teachers have been able to manage his behavior very effectively with structure and routine. He thrives on structure and routine. His current sub (and even his teacher) are much more lax and go with the flow type of teachers which is awesome, but ds struggles with behavior in that type of setting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 If you already have an IEP (which you should) call a team meeting immediately. If you don't have an IEP, make a referral for one immediately. DS does not have an IEP. At this time I'm hoping to keep him un-medicated. Would you mind explaining how an IEP helps in these situations? I'm having trouble wrapping my head around it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 Having been a long term sub, I would give her the benefit of the doubt and talk to her about it first. If it's not immediately resolved, see the principal. Missing the party seems unduly harsh, unless there's something else to the story of which you are unaware. That's entirely possible, but ds was quite honest regarding his wrongdoing. He was quick to tell me that it was his fault because "I was talking mom. It was my fault. I shouldn't have been talking." I think that you're correct that I should go and talk with her first. Thank you very much for your reply. I appreciate your opinion as a sub. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 If he has ADHD, he should at minimum have a 504, possibly an IEP. Discipline should be spelled out in that document, and removing recess should not be an option! That's incredibly counterproductive for a typical student. Many districts have policies against using that as a disciplinary tactic. If you don't have a 504, you need one. Request a meeting with the principal to get one set up, and do that in writing. What is the difference between a 504 and an IEP? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 What is the difference between a 504 and an IEP? http://www.wrightslaw.com/blog/?p=4033 You do not have to medicate for an IEP or a 504. No school could force that! Because his ADHD is affecting his day to day interactions in school and now his grades under this teacher, you really need a written plan in place for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter's Moon Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I wonder if as a substitute she feels the need to be more aggressive with disciplining infractions? She might not want to be seen as a softie by the students who will then think they can get away with whatever they want. There is no excuse for the favorite student comments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 http://www.wrightslaw.com/blog/?p=4033 You do not have to medicate for an IEP or a 504. No school could force that! Because his ADHD is affecting his day to day interactions in school and now his grades under this teacher, you really need a written plan in place for him. Ok...so.... help me understand the reason to have an IEP or 504 if we don't medicate? How does it help? Does it help for things like him missing recess time as consequence? Sorry for the 20 questions! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 Ok...so.... help me understand the reason to have an IEP or 504 if we don't medicate? How does it help? Does it help for things like him missing recess time as consequence? Sorry for the 20 questions! Oops! I didn't see the link. Off to read the linked content. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 I wonder if as a substitute she feels the need to be more aggressive with disciplining infractions? She might not want to be seen as a softie by the students who will then think they can get away with whatever they want. There is no excuse for the favorite student comments. I'm sure she does... especially a long term sub. I guess it's more of all of the situations together seems unsettling to me. I was really caught off guard by everything my Mom had to say about her experience from the viewpoint of a teacher (and past sub). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Do you know how much longer this sub will be there? If it's just another couple of weeks, I would ignore it, but if it's for the rest of the year, or even several more months, I would be pretty aggressive in dealing with it. Where in the room does your DS sit? I ask because my son had a teacher for 3rd grade who really disliked wiggly boys and her "solution" was to stick them all in the back row. Then she would stand at the board and talk with her back to the class, and the boys in the back could barely hear her, which of course impacted their ability to pay attention, and led to talking and goofing around, which led to (you guessed it!) all the wiggly boys constantly losing their recess time. It was completely counterproductive and led to a vicious cycle that had a really negative impact on DS's self esteem. :sad: If your DS is not already sitting in the front of the class, where there are fewer distractions and it's easier to pay attention, then I would ask to have him moved right away. This is the kind of thing that an IEP/504 can help with, in addition to ensuring that he doesn't miss recess any more. As for the Christmas party... I think that making an 8 year old miss the biggest party of the year because of a minor infraction the previous day is downright mean and vindictive, and would have had my blood boiling. :cursing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Ok...so.... help me understand the reason to have an IEP or 504 if we don't medicate? How does it help? Does it help for things like him missing recess time as consequence? Sorry for the 20 questions! What are the main issues with his ADHD and the school environment? The point of a 504/IEP would be to help him be as successful as possible. My friend's DD's 504 lays out extra time for tests, the teacher double checks and initials her assignment book each afternoon, a fidget cushion for her chair, the ability to stand at a table to do her work instead of sitting when possible, and different disciplinary strategies (positive reinforcement for avoiding chatty behavior, no missing recess for forgetting work, etc.). You want to set him up for success. It might not be a big hindrance now, but as grades and testing get more important... Plus, keep school a positive thing for him! Don't wait until the teacher totally squashes him for stuff outside his control. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 What are the main issues with his ADHD and the school environment? The point of a 504/IEP would be to help him be as successful as possible. My friend's DD's 504 lays out extra time for tests, the teacher double checks and initials her assignment book each afternoon, a fidget cushion for her chair, the ability to stand at a table to do her work instead of sitting when possible, and different disciplinary strategies (positive reinforcement for avoiding chatty behavior, no missing recess for forgetting work, etc.). You want to set him up for success. It might not be a big hindrance now, but as grades and testing get more important... Plus, keep school a positive thing for him! Don't wait until the teacher totally squashes him for stuff outside his control. :) His main issues are: 1) Inability to keep mouth and body still (talking, noises, drumming on everything, getting up from his chair) 2) Lost and forgotten work- ds often forgets to bring home his homework, forgets library books, etc. This is very frustrating for him. DS is also gifted, so when he forgets things he takes it especially hard because it's him being 'less than perfect' in his mind. Thankfully, because he's gifted he can get his work done in about 1/4 of the time that it takes others, so he just does it really quickly if he forgets it- lol! I think you're brining up some things that I've honestly not thought through before. I think the forgetting things and getting in trouble more often is starting to affect his confidence in himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaitlinC Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 "Is it just me?" Not at all! The punishment exceeds the crime. If we extrapolate to a work situation, imagine being uninvited from the Christmas party because you handed your monthly report in a few days late? Or spent a little too much time chatting to your neighbour at the water cooler?! Makes no sense. Frankly, I've counselled a client that such an action was a form of constructive dismissal (the trigger event in an overall pattern of behaviour), and negotiated a severance package for her on that basis! By excluding your DS from the party, the teacher sent a message to the other children, whether intentional or not, that he is not an integral part of the class and that it is ok to exclude him from an important end-of-the-year festivity. And apart from that, it was just a really mean, petty, thing to do - particularly since your son is sociable. Have you spoken with other parents? Judging by her comments about the spelling tests, there may be other families who are experiencing problems with her and if so, then you could raise your concerns to the principal as a group, if only to ensure that your feelings about her are known should they be in a position where they are considering extending her contract or inviting her back. For now, I would really hesitate about getting into IEPs and 504s with this particular teacher. In any event, it is best to do this with the permanent teacher. Your DS sounds terrific and I'm sure that things will be fine in the long run. All the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 Do you know how much longer this sub will be there? If it's just another couple of weeks, I would ignore it, but if it's for the rest of the year, or even several more months, I would be pretty aggressive in dealing with it. Where in the room does your DS sit? I ask because my son had a teacher for 3rd grade who really disliked wiggly boys and her "solution" was to stick them all in the back row. Then she would stand at the board and talk with her back to the class, and the boys in the back could barely hear her, which of course impacted their ability to pay attention, and led to talking and goofing around, which led to (you guessed it!) all the wiggly boys constantly losing their recess time. It was completely counterproductive and led to a vicious cycle that had a really negative impact on DS's self esteem. :sad: If your DS is not already sitting in the front of the class, where there are fewer distractions and it's easier to pay attention, then I would ask to have him moved right away. This is the kind of thing that an IEP/504 can help with, in addition to ensuring that he doesn't miss recess any more. As for the Christmas party... I think that making an 8 year old miss the biggest party of the year because of a minor infraction the previous day is downright mean and vindictive, and would have had my blood boiling. :cursing: DS said the sub will be here for another month. He sits on the row farthest away from the teacher's desk. What I don't understand is that she sits him at a table with the boy that he is always chatting with.... makes no sense. I don't understand why she doesn't separate them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 "Is it just me?" Not at all! The punishment exceeds the crime. If we extrapolate to a work situation, imagine being uninvited from the Christmas party because you handed your monthly report in a few days late? Or spent a little too much time chatting to your neighbour at the water cooler?! Makes no sense. Frankly, I've counselled a client that such an action was a form of constructive dismissal (the trigger event in an overall pattern of behaviour), and negotiated a severance package for her on that basis! By excluding your DS from the party, the teacher sent a message to the other children, whether intentional or not, that he is not an integral part of the class and that it is ok to exclude him from an important end-of-the-year festivity. And apart from that, it was just a really mean, petty, thing to do - particularly since your son is sociable. Have you spoken with other parents? Judging by her comments about the spelling tests, there may be other families who are experiencing problems with her and if so, then you could raise your concerns to the principal as a group, if only to ensure that your feelings about her are known should they be in a position where they are considering extending her contract or inviting her back. For now, I would really hesitate about getting into IEPs and 504s with this particular teacher. In any event, it is best to do this with the permanent teacher. Your DS sounds terrific and I'm sure that things will be fine in the long run. All the best. Great analogy. I see your point. Thank you. I do worry about talking to other parents because I don't want it to look like I'm stirring up trouble for the teacher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Great analogy. I see your point. Thank you. I do worry about talking to other parents because I don't want it to look like I'm stirring up trouble for the teacher. No, you don't want to look like you are stirring up trouble. But if you talk to other parents and find out that there is a pattern of poor decisions then it might help your case if this ends up having to go to the principal. Many times many of my family members are teachers. They don't like being ganged up on. But the pattern of behavior here is concerning and this may only be the tip of the iceberg. FWIW, I was in a similar situation. I waited. I did not directly address my concerns to the teacher until it was too late. There was far more going on in the classroom than I was aware of. Things escalated and by the time I finally did step in, things had turned ugly. Damage to my son's self-esteem ended up being catastrophic. My sweet, loving little boy who adored school and his peers and had a ton of confidence became a bitter, insecure, angry, depressed, frightend little person. The teacher was not evil at all. i don't want to vilify her. She, I think, was actually quite a nice person. But she was inexperienced and very ignorant of developmentally appropriate behavior, as well as how to handle children with LDs. She took everything personally. She made assumptions without understanding what was happening. She assumed his struggles and extra talking were open defiance or laziness or lack of respect and belittled and punished and cut down because of her assumptions. She caused a tremendous amount of emotional damage and we are still dealing with the aftermath. Her apologies after we finally had solid meetings did not fix the damage already done. I agree with others, get an IEP and a 504. These things are not put in place to force a child onto medication. It is to help everyone understand your child's specific strengths and weaknesses and what the plan is supposed to be for daily means of addressing those strengths and weaknesses so the child is successful and supported without being disruptive to others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I would worry way less about this teacher and more about the kids. She sounds very immature and vindictive. Her actions need consequences and your child needs to see that you will stand up for him. I don't believe in staying quiet if she will be gone soon. Future kids will have to suffer because of her, too. She doesn't mind being petty and harsh with little kids - I would have no problem as her peer calling her out for what she deserves in response. I would go over her head and make it extremely clear that there better be no fallout for my child. I would also get a 504. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 The teacher was not evil at all. i don't want to vilify her. She, I think, was actually quite a nice person. But she was inexperienced and very ignorant of developmentally appropriate behavior, as well as how to handle children with LDs. She took everything personally. She made assumptions without understanding what was happening. She assumed his struggles and extra talking were open defiance or laziness or lack of respect and belittled and punished and cut down because of her assumptions. She caused a tremendous amount of emotional damage and we are still dealing with the aftermath. Her apologies after we finally had solid meetings did not fix the damage already done. This is my concern. I see too many inexperienced teachers (subs or not) who really don't have a grasp on how different brains work. Actually, most of us can see this in our parenting. As humans, we naturally assume our kids will be just like us, but often, they aren't. As parents we naturally assume each of our kids will be the same. Most of us learn quite quickly that this isn't true either. But it's still a limited pool of experience and teachers without kids don't even have that to draw from. Inexperienced teachers often come into the classroom assuming that they are going to reach every child with their own method (whatever that method is). When it doesn't happen, they try harder without adjusting. It's never going to work, but they don't (yet) understand this. Some never get it. Really good teachers learn to adjust to the kids. My guess is that this teacher has rather traditional values that kids of any age should sit, behave, and talk only when spoken to (more or less). Many kids have learned to do this. They are the "good" ones. Some can't (naturally). For eons these kids have been punished with the thought that enough punishment will accomplish the goal. All it did was kill the self esteem and worse. There are proven ways to help work with these youngsters. It's worth it to see about setting up a plan for him. These plans do not apply to just one teacher - they apply to all as needed. Their goal is finding what is best for the student and spelling it out. Inexperienced teachers need to learn to change their ways, ESP when they are dissing some of the kids out loud! Sometimes spelling it out is what is needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 If he has a 504 or IEP, you need to talk with his case manager. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsJewelsRae Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 What the heck are they teaching teachers these days?!? ADHD kids need boundaries and discipline, but for goodness sake, making him sit at a desk longer as punishment is NOT going to fix the problem! He needs to MOVE! I'd say something. As for missing a Christmas party, I can't think of an infraction that warrants such a harsh punishment for a child. :(. I'd talk to her, even though she only has a month left, she needs a heads up that this is not the way to reach and teach children, maybe provide some links to research that shows her methods of discipline will not be effective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AHASRADA Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 The favoritism and shaming kids in front of grandparents is scary. I can't imagine how she treats these kids when she is the only adult in the room. Teachers can resort to tactics they are not proud of out of frustration or desperation to maintain control, but the fact that she said these things in front of the kids' own family members shows that she finds nothing wrong with her behavior. She needs retraining before she moves on to damage another group of kids. Looking at the big picture, though, your son definitely needs to be diagnosed and have an appropriate plan in place. Without it, the teacher (whoever he/she is) has no way of knowing his behavior is due to a condition and not defiance, disrespect, etc. She cannot make special exceptions for him (not missing recess, extra strategies to remember homework, sitting alone or being allowed to stand, being reminded not to talk rather than punished, etc.) unless these accommodations are explicitly outlined in a legally-binding plan. Some experienced teachers naturally individualize their approach with each child based on their observed strengths and weaknesses, but you can't count on this happening every year with every teacher. When you set up an official plan (504 or IEP), you work together with multiple school officials to come up with classroom strategies that will help him succeed, which then become binding. If his teacher does not implement the strategies outlined in the plan, you have recourse. The plan is revisited regularly so adjustments can be made as you all figure out what works and what doesn't. As was already mentioned, the school cannot force you to medicate him. Sure, they could pressure you, but likely only after multiple strategies have been tried and proved unsuccessful, but even then they can't force him onto meds. More than likely, the strategies will be sufficient and will help him not to need meds, at least for now. Another benefit of having a 504 or IEP is creating a paper trail. When he gets a new teacher, changes schools, that plan will follow him and you won't be reinventing the wheel every year. Also, if there are accommodations that will continue to help him through college (taking his tests in a room alone to limit distractions, for example) the college will normally honor that, but only if he has a paper trail showing he has been given accommodations all along. Establishing an official plan takes time, especially if he needs to be diagnosed first. I would get started on the process right away. This teacher may be gone before you even have a meeting. If she isn't, she might learn something that could open her mind and benefit her future students. Either way, I suggest reading up on ways to advocate for your son, educate yourself on how the process works and possible accommodations that you think might help him. It's not a simple process, but it is the best thing you can do for him, his education and self esteem in the long run. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 This probably needs to go to the principal. Without talking to the teacher first?? No. Just...no. First talk with the teacher, then go to the principal if necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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