T'smom Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 So, after I do my Christmas shopping and purchase her a coffee mug with the kids pictures and some ornaments and stuff with the kids pictures/artwork, we get an email with her gift list. She wants us to get her golf lessons. Or a gold ring to put her mother's diamonds in. Or a professional photographer to come out to a specific location to take family pics. Or a weekend trip to Chicago. (We're about 4 hours from Chicago) I don't even know what to say about this. She obviously has *wildly* inaccurate assumptions about our finances. We don't, and never have, spent that kind of money on anyone for Christmas. Neither have her other sons. A few months ago, she told my BIL that she was disappointed that all her kids didn't go in together and buy them a car or send them on a cruise for their 40th anniversary. He told her that he wasn't going to spend more on her anniversary than he spent on his wife for theirs! She included a list for FIL which was much more reasonable, but still more than we had planned. Certain tools and such. I have no idea where she is getting these expectations. She sent the list a week or so ago- I've been fuming and it has been the source of many jokes back and forth between her kids/spouses. Where would someone get these ideas?!? She has no reason to think that we are hurting financially, but she also has no reason to think that we have tons of money! Where could this be coming from?! I know she is mad because she tried to tell us that we had to be with them on Christmas Day, but that's not the way it worked out for us. We are going to be with my family this year (the first time in 4 years). I've been holding this in for awhile and had to get it out somewhere! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Hmmm .... tell hubby to tell him mother that she's getting coal for her greedy expectations and then have a glass of wine. Done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ddcrook Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Dang! I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but I'm glad you and your family can joke about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 "Oh MIL, thanks for the list but we already have you covered!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Ridiculous. Does she run with others of the same age that compare notes? Does she have friends who are getting such lavish gifts? I will never understand such expectations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrn Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Sorry you're dealing with this but like a poster upthread said- it has to help that the other family members feel the same way. And you're not spending Christmas with them- so at least that's something to look forward to! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 :grouphug: I guess, I would ignore it, send the gifts. Then, if she mentions it... Well,I would (laugh aloud) and tell her, it was so outrageous; that I thought it was a joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zimom Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I'm sorry but I will never understand the concept of a grown adult giving a a Christmas list. Shake your head and don't give this another thought. it is not worth your time or energy. Certainly not your stress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I would absolutely delete and forget, and send the lovely family oriented things you got. Good grief. We don't even do an adult gift exchange on either side anymore. Besides, it's rude to send a list unless someone asks for one. And then if they do, it's nice to send a range of things. She sounds a bit narcissistic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted December 15, 2014 Author Share Posted December 15, 2014 Ridiculous. Does she run with others of the same age that compare notes? Does she have friends who are getting such lavish gifts? I will never understand such expectations. That's the only thing we can think of. Whoever it is though, we don't know them. MIL and FIL are very well off. They vacation in Mexico and take a cruise at least once/year. They have had lots of unnecessary work done on their house, have two boats, etc. But they were not well off when dh and his brothers were young. Maybe she doesn't remember that? My SIL/BIL have been joking about what we would put on our lists and send to her. Dh and his brothers are awesome guys. Actually, his dad is too. He just doesn't say much and lets her do whatever she wants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Or maybe you should tell her how Santa really works? :lol: Possible regression to childhood? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Or maybe you should tell her how Santa really works? :lol: Possible regression to childhood? :lol: Or ask if she wants you to forward the list to Santa, as she must have mistakenly sent it to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted December 15, 2014 Author Share Posted December 15, 2014 And dh keeps joking that he'll give her a trip to Chicago and send me with her. He finds that idea really funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 That's the only thing we can think of. Whoever it is though, we don't know them. MIL and FIL are very well off. They vacation in Mexico and take a cruise at least once/year. They have had lots of unnecessary work done on their house, have two boats, etc. But they were not well off when dh and his brothers were young. Maybe she doesn't remember that? My SIL/BIL have been joking about what we would put on our lists and send to her. Dh and his brothers are awesome guys. Actually, his dad is too. He just doesn't say much and lets her do whatever she wants. Does she want y'all to get these wishes back around to FIL? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 oh dear mil - I'm so sorry I didn't get your list earlier. we've already bought your gifts. they children were so excited to help. and when she does the same thing next year - oh, I'm so sorry, that just isn't going to work. if these *things* mean that much to you - why don't you treat yourself? <_< :toetap05: ( we need a good "hard-glare" emotcon.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Hey, T'smom, my dishwasher stinks. Hint, hint hint. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I think I would just not even acknowledge the list. Be blissfully ignorant. Happily give her the thoughtful, appropriate gifts you have already prepared. If she brings it up and persists in discussing it, say what someone else suggested: "Oh that? It was a joke, right? DH and I had a good laugh, so did all our friends!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted December 15, 2014 Author Share Posted December 15, 2014 Does she want y'all to get these wishes back around to FIL? Hmmm, maybe? She doesn't really have a problem making her desires (demands???) known though. And she certainly doesn't have a problem going out and getting whatever she wants. The email was not addressed to me though I considered responding anyway. Dh's MO with her is to smile and nod and do what he wanted to do in the first place. That does irritate me- but it's his mom and it's the dynamic they have had for years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted December 15, 2014 Author Share Posted December 15, 2014 I think I would just not even acknowledge the list. Be blissfully ignorant. Happily give her the thoughtful, appropriate gifts you have already prepared. If she brings it up and persists in discussing it, say what someone else suggested: "Oh that? It was a joke, right? DH and I had a good laugh, so did all our friends!" That's funny- she is always posting ridiculous things on Facebook with any picture or status I put up. I have friends that have told me that they always read all the comments on my status/pictures because they always get a laugh out of what she said! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grover Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Holy unrealistic expectations, Batman! Perhaps tuck a lottery ticket in with her gift with a note that she can enjoy one of her big wishes if she wins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Is she by chance an immigrant? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Can all of the siblings go in and get her one gift although you have already bought and so have others. Maybe save those gifts for another time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 My mom always asks for outrageous stuff too. But not in a bad way. More in a, here's what I'm really dreaming of way. She usually has realistic things too, like she asked for new nice garden gloves and some specific colors of socks this year in addition to some hilariously expensive things. I just laugh at her. And she's always happy with anything we get her. Though sometimes she gets annoyed that no one gives her the realistic thing she wanted. Like, she wanted some kitchen canisters and after the fourth year of asking for them she did start to get a little aggressive about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted December 15, 2014 Author Share Posted December 15, 2014 Can all of the siblings go in and get her one gift although you have already bought and so have others. Maybe save those gifts for another time. Nope. Even 1/3 of one of those gifts is out of our price range. We are spending the same amount on his parents as we are on my parents. And she is not an immigrant. Or even close. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Wow, just wow. I would ignore it completely and send what I already had. With a cheerful note. I would pretend I never received her outrageous list. If asked I would "sheepishly" say I felt that it had to be a mistake and thought it tasteless to bring up, since it was such an embarrassing gaffe in manners. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I would absolutely never entertain a list like that. I would give the gifts I purchased and move on. She will be okay! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 All things considered, I think your dh's solution of simply ignoring her and doing what you want, is the best way to go. Thankfully for you, your dh and his siblings all agree that their mom's demands are outrageous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 All things considered, I think your dh's solution of simply ignoring her and doing what you want, is the best way to go. Thankfully for you, your dh and his siblings all agree that their mom's demands are outrageous. Yep. Perfectly valid way of dealing with it esp. if they know from long experience that saying anything would be just like spitting in the wind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerileanne99 Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Well. I might be very tempted to find pictures of all of the things on the list and have a nice shutterfly booklet made of them all with funny captions...keep it light and funny and oh! You weren't serious, were you?! We are saving for your grandkids college funds:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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