Laundry Rant - JAWM

[BarbecueMom]

My mom lives here. My 23yo brother does not. He has a full time job, lives in his own apartment about 25 minutes away with a roommate, and has his own transportation.

 

Every weekend (or sometimes weekday) my mom drives out to his place, picks up his laundry, brings it back here, washes and folds it, and takes it back to him. He's completely capable of finding a laundromat or figuring out his complex's machines. Heck, I've even told him he's welcome to come over and do his laundry, but my mom freaks out (either that she will no longer feel needed, or he will forget and that will cause his life to downward spiral into despair) and she ends up running out there and getting it first. And every time she says, "You know, I should really get him to do his own laundry."

 

Whatever. It's just laundry, I'm not getting involved.

 

However, the past two weeks we have gone through the Stomach Virus from Hell. It's like norovirus and influenza had a love child and replicated it all over my house. All six people have spent between 12-24 hours vomiting, with varying degrees of precision and accuracy, plus all of the unpleasant after effects.

 

I have two loads of sheets, two or three loads of towels, two loads of clothes, two loads of blankets, and maybe some pillows to wash in the laundry today alone, assuming DH or I have enough strength to do it (we were the last two to get hit).

 

And my mom just left to pick up my (healthy, capable) brother's laundry, saying she'll do it today whenever the washer is open. Generally, this means she'll ask with increasing frantic tones after each load if we're done yet, until we stop our stuff to let her go ahead or listen to her lament how late she'll have to stay up doing laundry tonight.

 

She knows how much laundry we have. I told her there's not going to be room in the washer today. But the thought of my 23 YEAR OLD brother getting upset over no clean clothes scares her enough to not tell him, "No, can't do it this week, but you can come over later in the week instead!"

 

And it's not even like he asks her to wash his clothes. She TELLS him she's going to do it.

 

I'm so not up for this today. No one is even eating yet except dry cereal and water.

[Aiden]

Let me get this straight ... is your mom living in *your* house, or are you living in *her* house? If it's her house, she can do what she likes and you should relinquish the washer for her without complaint, but if it's your house, that's another story. And in that case, I'd be sorely tempted to say, "Sure, Mom, you can do Brother's laundry--right after you do all this laundry that *our* household needs done. I was going to try to do it today, though I'm not sure I'm well enough, but you're obviously healthy enough, so I'd appreciate it if you did our laundry before you do Brother's."

 

But maybe I'm just in a bad mood today.

[BarbecueMom]

Let me get this straight ... is your mom living in *your* house, or are you living in *her* house? If it's her house, she can do what she likes and you should relinquish the washer for her without complaint, but if it's your house, that's another story. And in that case, I'd be sorely tempted to say, "Sure, Mom, you can do Brother's laundry--right after you do all this laundry that *our* household needs done. I was going to try to do it today, though I'm not sure I'm well enough, but you're obviously healthy enough, so I'd appreciate it if you did our laundry before you do Brother's."

 

But maybe I'm just in a bad mood today.

She lives in my house.

 

She can't do our laundry. In fact, the "sick adults that can't clean up after themselves" is a whole different rant.

 

I'm not up for confrontation or more people crying today. The kids are enough.

[wendyroo]

That sucks.

 

OTOH, if she is looking to expand her laundry services, I could definitely accommodate her.  I would even drop mine off so she could get right to work washing, drying and folding it.   :tongue_smilie:

 

Wendy

[Aiden]

She lives in my house.

 

She can't do our laundry. In fact, the "sick adults that can't clean up after themselves" is a whole different rant.

 

I'm not up for confrontation or more people crying today. The kids are enough.

 

:grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry. I hope you all feel better soon, and that this whole situation gets sorted with as little drama as possible.

[BarbecueMom]

That sucks.

 

OTOH, if she is looking to expand her laundry services, I could definitely accommodate her. I would even drop mine off so she could get right to work washing, drying and folding it. :tongue_smilie:

 

Wendy

Seriously, I wish I could bargain to get my laundry done too! But she will only use the half-cycle load and doesn't understand laundry that doesn't smell like the Snuggle bear peed in it when done, and DS1 has such horrible eczema that I have to make sure the stuff he uses is done correctly.

[Hikin' Mama]

That stinks! I would be beyond ticked even if I weren't sick with loads upon loads to do. (((Hugs)))

[Starr]

Everyone's been/is sick. You are entitled to a screaming fit! 

[Word Nerd]

I would keep repeating that there won't be time for his laundry today. Maybe suggest that she take it to a laundromat this time? I hope you all feel better soon. Call your brother and explain the situation so he can head her off at the pass?

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

Tell her 9:00 PM is her laundry machine availibity and if she wants to do laundry sooner she can use a laundromat.

 

Or, she can have it at 12:00 but must do all your remaining laundry exactly according to your instructions, with exact amounts and type of detergent used and any other instructions needed...

[gardenmom5]

btdt.  (in the sense of "mom, stop bailing out___ You're not helping ___".    "you're right, I should".

do not stop your wash to make your mom stop panicking.  let her talk to your hand . . . . and remind her it was her choice.

 

if she feels such a need to feel needed - why isn't she doing your wash after everyone was sick?

 

 

eta: I also understand the 'having mom do wash isn't helpful'.  I bit my tongue the few times she tried to be helpful.   because, she really was trying to be helpful.  not only did she mix things in the washer that shouldn't be mixed - she didn't bother turning them right side out before poorly folding them.  I'd always refold things after she left.  now, she's gone.

[hornblower]

UN.real.

JAWU!!

[Snickerdoodle]

Oh dear Lord.    :grouphug:     

[SKL]

Yeah, I think I'd just tell her up front that you need the washer all day long, period.

 

My mom does some of my siblings' laundry too.  Even when she's so sick she can barely sit up.  She does enjoy laundry (as do I), so it isn't all bad, but I don't understand the mentality of adults who think it's their mom's job to do their laundry.  We're talking people old enough to be grandparents at this point.

 

When I was a college student living with my parents, the laundry was my job (for a family of 8).  This included the nurses' aide uniforms of my eldest brother (who lived down the street).  If he forgot to bring them over, I was to walk over and get them.  I recall having to climb in a window one day because he wasn't there and he "needed" his uniforms cleaned without delay.  That irked me so much that I still remember it 30 years later.  :P

[NorthwestMom]

First: 

 It's like norovirus and influenza had a love child and replicated it all over my house. 

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

 

That's brilliant. Awful in reality, but brilliant.

 

Second, I also hate when people hurt their adult children by enabling them. Your mom would drive me crazy.  You have my total sympathy.

[Tanaqui]

What would happen if you called your brother and asked him to tell her he wants to do his own laundry from now on?

[Twigs]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[KungFuPanda]

I can't really fault the brother. It sounds like mom is insisting, it makes her happy, and guarantees twice weekly contact with her young adult son. I doubt he'd go naked or fall apart if she gave this up. In this case, though, you TOLD her the machines would be tied up ALL DAY. I'd just keep plugging along with the laundry and keep repeating, "Mom, I told you XYZ before you left. Brother's laundry is at the end of the line."

[SharonM]

When I met my dh his mom was doing his laundry and cleaning his apt! He was 30 and living on his own. She also cooked and stocked his fridge.

I really let him know that I found that to be a huge failing of his not to be his own man. Instead of taking advantage of his mother (although she was and still is an enabler of the 1st order!), he should step up and take care of himself by himself. Any man of mine will not be living like that.  He did. And he was right it gave her something to do. I don't think she has forgiven me for that.  

Now we are moving her in with us, I guess she can do his laundry again!

[BarbecueMom]

I can't really fault the brother. It sounds like mom is insisting, it makes her happy, and guarantees twice weekly contact with her young adult son. I doubt he'd go naked or fall apart if she gave this up. In this case, though, you TOLD her the machines would be tied up ALL DAY. I'd just keep plugging along with the laundry and keep repeating, "Mom, I told you XYZ before you left. Brother's laundry is at the end of the line."

No kidding, I mean, I'd love for someone to insist on doing my laundry. Or even half of it. He does work 6 days a week, but his work uses a service to clean his work duds. And they feed him at least once a week. Dude's got it made.

 

I don't think he'd fall apart either, and I do think there's guilt that he can't still live at home to save money because home isn't there anymore. And ironically (or not) "inability to prioritize appropriately" is one of the reasons we are in this living situation, but gee whiz I don't want to deal with it right now.

 

And ugh, now my dad just called to let me know grandpa's being moved to hospice. This week just gets better and better.

[BarbecueMom]

What would happen if you called your brother and asked him to tell her he wants to do his own laundry from now on?

He's texted me a few times saying he's coming over with laundry, but he either doesn't show up or we're not home at the time and the house is locked. If he'd plan earlier, we could be home or leave him a key. I'm certainly not going to remind him that he's running out of clean underwear, ick.

 

Too many unhealthy dynamics to get involved in their mother-son relationship. I mean, my mom has told me to call him before to butter his ego, practically throwing a script in my hand. Hallmark card stuff that would sound bizarre coming from me. I don't want her dictating how I communicate with him (and we get along just fine) so I stay out of their issues. Until they affect me, I suppose.

[Chelle in MO]

No kidding, I mean, I'd love for someone to insist on doing my laundry. Or even half of it. He does work 6 days a week, but his work uses a service to clean his work duds. And they feed him at least once a week. Dude's got it made.

 

I don't think he'd fall apart either, and I do think there's guilt that he can't still live at home to save money because home isn't there anymore. And ironically (or not) "inability to prioritize appropriately" is one of the reasons we are in this living situation, but gee whiz I don't want to deal with it right now.

 

And ugh, now my dad just called to let me know grandpa's being moved to hospice. This week just gets better and better.

 

I am so sorry about everything!  What a sad, frustrating time this is for you!   :grouphug:

[idnib]

I'm so aggravating even reading this.  :cursing:

 

Do all your laundry first and she can have the machine when you're done. You already told her what the deal is. Perhaps if it becomes too inconvenient for her she will stop.

 

Just give your brother a key so you don't have to coordinate and leave one. It would be good for emergencies as well.

[JFSinIL]

Sounds like mom needs to feel needed. Can you rope her into doing YOUR laundry?  Sounds like that might be a big help.  Also, when illness passes, maybe talk to her to work out a schedule of what day she can do your brother's stuff.  I'd not argue with her about whether or not she should be doing his laundry.

 

Oops - just read all the above posts, to ignore the get Mom to go your laundry bit. Sigh. But I still think giving her one day a week (when ya'all aren't ill) to do whatever laundry she pleases might work.

[BarbecueMom]

Sounds like mom needs to feel needed. Can you rope her into doing YOUR laundry? Sounds like that might be a big help. Also, when illness passes, maybe talk to her to work out a schedule of what day she can do your brother's stuff. I'd not argue with her about whether or not she should be doing his laundry.

 

Oops - just read all the above posts, to ignore the get Mom to go your laundry bit. Sigh. But I still think giving her one day a week (when ya'all aren't ill) to do whatever laundry she pleases might work.

Yeah, typically I leave the laundry open at least one of the weekend days so she can get all hers done. No big deal, but this week the washer has been running constantly and I'm still backed up!

 

And she's already done all her own laundry for the week. Just not my brother's.

 

Time to go swap some towel loads!

[BarbecueMom]

I am so sorry about everything! What a sad, frustrating time this is for you! :grouphug:

Thank you. This stuff is the tip of the iceberg. The health and family issues are reaching all new stress level highs this week! I'm almost convinced that I'm trolling myself.

[Annie G]

I'm so sorry. You're handling it a whole lot better than I would. I'd be screaming and stomping my foot.   

[SpecialClassical]

That is ridiculous. Your mom should have more concern about your work load than his right now! I do understand, though. We have a similar dynamic with adult siblings.

 

I wonder how your brother would feel about his laundry hanging out in your germ infested laundry room? Might be something to mention to him. I mean, I know it all comes out clean in the end, but what if a piece of his falls from the dryer to the floor? Are you expected to have disinfected the floor before you've even had time to wash all the clothes? What does your mom think about him catching this virus from his clothes being exposed to the infected air? 😉

[Guest]

I would be sorely tempted to see if I could accidentally have some contaminated linens hang out amongst his clean clothes. Whoopsy!

[kitten18]

:grouphug:   Good luck with your day.