How to talk about homeschooling without alienating people?

[Aurora]

Dear all,

 

I am new to this forum and new to the homeschooling idea. I have 2 children, ages 4 and almost 3. They currently attend pre-school. My husband and I have been seriously considering homeschooling so the children can get a classical education. For us the emphasis is on classical education, rather than homeschooling. To be very honest, I would happily send the children to a nice classical school, but that is not available. I NEVER  in a million years thought I would be educating my children myself, but life is full of surprises. I have never met anyone who has been homeschooled, or who is homeschooling their children. (I'm pretty certain it is forbidden in my country of origin.) My only source of information is the internet.

 

Since the older child is only 4 we still have about a year and a half until he would be ready for 'real' school work, ie something more structured. If we were to do this, I would start homeschooling him then. I am still at the research stage, learning about the classical method, familiarising myself with different publishers and curricula, etc. My husband and I haven't told anyone about this yet.

 

But family and friends will start asking questions about school soon and I'm not sure what to do. Do we tell them we are thinking about our options and keep it vague, or say that we are thinking about homeschooling? Do I explain that my philosophy of education differs from current trends and state the case for the classical way? Frankly, I am afraid of people's reactions. Just before logging in I clicked on the Urban Dictionary website and things they said about this forum were not very nice. I expect that kind of thing in real life, since most people tend to react in a negative way when faced with an unusual life choice. I think that homeschooling is as countercultural as you can get because it challenges a number of socially accepted 'truths' that have to do with the nature  and aim of education, the question of who is equipped to do it, the relationship between the government and the individual, the role of family in child's education and socialisation, etc. I'm sure you know well what I'm talking about.

 

I would love to hear your opinion on how to best have this conversation without alienating people and sounding elitist.

 

Thank you!

[Aiden]

That can be a difficult one, especially depending on your social group. I'm lucky in that because we move every couple of years, it's easy for me and understandable to my peer group if I simply say "I'm teaching my daughter at home so we can have stability in her education since we move so often." I think if I didn't have that excuse, it could become difficult to explain our choice without others feeling like we're judging their choices or putting down the schools that are educating their children.

 

I think I'd say something along the lines of, "We haven't decided yet what we're going to do about school. The schools available here are good [if you think they are], but we really want a classical education for our kids, and none of the schools here offer that. So we're considering teaching them at home." I'd leave it at that unless I was asked more specific questions. Throughout any resulting conversation I'd probably try make copious use of the phrases "what's best for our family," "what works best for our kids," "every family is different," "what works for us isn't necessarily what will work for others," etc.

[Aurora]

Thank you for your reply.

 

We live abroad and expect to move to a new country sometime next year. No idea for how long, maybe for a year or two, or longer. So using that as a reason could work for us as well.

 

I will probably keep it vague with other mums on the playdate circuit since they would probably feel judged for my rejection of their choices. We live in an expat bubble and people tend to share a certain worldview, and schooling is the topic of most conversations right now. I've been quiet lately because I don't want to come across as snobby or weird.

 

But I mostly fear what family members will say.

[Rosie_0801]

With most people, I'm fairly vague. With relatives, I earbashed them constantly until dd was school age, figuring they'd all be too bored to ever ask anything again. It's worked pretty well, really. :D

 

 

[Laura Corin]

Thank you for your reply.

 

We live abroad and expect to move to a new country sometime next year. No idea for how long, maybe for a year or two, or longer. So using that as a reason could work for us as well.

 

I will probably keep it vague with other mums on the playdate circuit since they would probably feel judged for my rejection of their choices. We live in an expat bubble and people tend to share a certain worldview, and schooling is the topic of most conversations right now. I've been quiet lately because I don't want to come across as snobby or weird.

 

But I mostly fear what family members will say.

 

I was in a similar situation - we started home educating when we lived in Hong Kong, then moved to China and carried on.  Hong Kong was harder - there were so many different school options and the status of home education was unclear, so it wasn't an obvious option.  When we started, we were already thinking about moving, however, so we used that as an excuse.

 

The city we moved to in China had local schools (enormous classes; very high pressure) and a missionary school (not our style) so it was easy to explain why we might continue home education.

 

For your family members: I'd probably just stress continuity for the children as you move around.  When we moved to Scotland after China, I got a fair few questions as we carried on home educating. I just talked about what a big move it was for the kids, and how we wanted to keep one thing (their education) the same for them.  This seemed to work, and we finally put them into school two years later.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

[wendyroo]

I think I'd say something along the lines of, "We haven't decided yet what we're going to do about school. The schools available here are good [if you think they are], but we really want a classical education for our kids, and none of the schools here offer that. So we're considering teaching them at home."

 

I'd cut that even shorter.  "We haven't decided...we're looking into all the schooling options."  Enough said for now, since you are still have over a year to figure out what you want to do.  I would not even specifically mention homeschooling for the time being; I would stick to talking about education more than particular school choices.  You have the advantage that if you talk about classical education, and someone asks if there is a classical school nearby, you can be vague and say that you are hoping there will be one nearby after you move.

 

Wendy

[Aiden]

The really nice thing about your situation is that, once you start homeschooling and then your situation changes (you move, in your case), you always are able to say: "Well, we started homeschooling because it was the best option for us in the situation we were in at the time [go into as much or as little detail as you wish; if you go into more detail, give whatever reason you wish--primary reason if you prefer, or a secondary reason if the primary one might be perceived as offensive], and then when our situation changed, we'd already started homeschooling, and it was working for us, so we decided not to try to fix what wasn't broken." If you ever decided to put your kids in school, that's easy enough to explain, too: "In our new situation, we thought it might be a better fit for our family, so we decided to give it a try." All sorts of flexibility in easy answers once you get that initial reason out of the way, and you're in a new situation so that the people you're interacting with at that time won't feel judged by whatever decision you made in a situation that they've never been in. Anyone who pushes for more detail after you've skirted the issue a couple of times is the one who's being offensive at that point.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I didn't say anything until my kids would have had to be officially enrolled in a school.  I don't even know if I told my dad officially.  He is the sort that doesn't require permission for me to make my own decisions.  So that was easy.  My in-laws live in another country.  DH handled that part.  I think at first my MIL assumed we were talking about homeschooling kindergarten and so didn't think that was a big deal.  Then when it went beyond that she seemed to finally realize we were serious.  She was not thrilled, but since I don't have to talk to her I didn't hear much.  

 

I used to worry about stuff like that when my kids were that age.  Now I look back and think..pah...small potatoes.  LOL  But I get it.  It feels like a big deal.  People constantly ask about school when the kids are that age.  I think often times it's just something to talk about and that they aren't intending to get into any sort of deep philosophical discussion about it.. 

[Amira]

I agree with the others that the moving around explanation is really easy to use, even for family members. There are lots of different reasons why we homeschool, but I nearly always tell people it's because of the moving. No one has ever pushed for more detail than that, but if they did, I would end that conversation. If they seemed like they wanted to have an real discussion about the moving around, I'd be happy to do that, but it's easy to shut down accusatory conversations.

 

And I also agree that this issue seemed a lot scarier at the beginning especially since there are a lot of stories out there about homeschoolers getting nasty comments from people. But I think most people are either polite or don't care, and you can learn some strategies to head off problems if you run into them.

[Ellie]

Dear all,

 

I am new to this forum and new to the homeschooling idea. I have 2 children, ages 4 and almost 3. They currently attend pre-school. My husband and I have been seriously considering homeschooling so the children can get a classical education. For us the emphasis is on classical education, rather than homeschooling. To be very honest, I would happily send the children to a nice classical school, but that is not available. I NEVER  in a million years thought I would be educating my children myself, but life is full of surprises. I have never met anyone who has been homeschooled, or who is homeschooling their children. (I'm pretty certain it is forbidden in my country of origin.) My only source of information is the internet.

 

Since the older child is only 4 we still have about a year and a half until he would be ready for 'real' school work, ie something more structured. If we were to do this, I would start homeschooling him then. I am still at the research stage, learning about the classical method, familiarising myself with different publishers and curricula, etc. My husband and I haven't told anyone about this yet.

 

But family and friends will start asking questions about school soon and I'm not sure what to do. Do we tell them we are thinking about our options and keep it vague, or say that we are thinking about homeschooling? Do I explain that my philosophy of education differs from current trends and state the case for the classical way? Frankly, I am afraid of people's reactions. Just before logging in I clicked on the Urban Dictionary website and things they said about this forum were not very nice. I expect that kind of thing in real life, since most people tend to react in a negative way when faced with an unusual life choice. I think that homeschooling is as countercultural as you can get because it challenges a number of socially accepted 'truths' that have to do with the nature  and aim of education, the question of who is equipped to do it, the relationship between the government and the individual, the role of family in child's education and socialisation, etc. I'm sure you know well what I'm talking about.

 

I would love to hear your opinion on how to best have this conversation without alienating people and sounding elitist.

 

Thank you!

 

IMHO, the more vague you  keep your comments, the better. "We're exploring opportunities." "We will be teaching her at home." "We think it's the best option for us." And often, "We think it's the best option for us. Would you like some bean dip?" (WTM member Joanne talks about passing the bean dip. I'll look for the article.)

[EKS]

Until you actually start, I'd go the "we haven't decided" route.  Once you start, if someone asks where your child goes to school, and you don't want to get into it, just say "Actually we homeschool."  And when they ask why say "It just seems to work better for our family."  At this point, if your experience is anything like mine, they will either drop the subject or say something like "I would never have the patience to homeschool," to which I reply "Me neither."

[Word Nerd]

Try not to make any assumptions about how people will react. I had all kinds of expectations about what people might say when the subject came up, especially since there are so many teachers in my family, but very few people ever made negative comments when we homeschooled. Even the dreaded socialization question came up only two times that I can recall. Most people were polite even when it was obvious they didn't agree with the idea, and many were genuinely curious. 

[Desert Strawberry]

With most people, I'm fairly vague. With relatives, I earbashed them constantly until dd was school age, figuring they'd all be too bored to ever ask anything again. It's worked pretty well, really. :D

 

This is my approach. Especially before you start, everyone will try to talk you out of it. Once you are actively homeschooling, you can tell them how much you love it, and how your kids are thriving, and how wonderful it is for your family, and on and on and on. No one wants to hear that twice  :laugh: 

 

Absolutely, without a doubt, DO NOT make your arguments against the schools. Don't let it be about that. #1, your kids aren't there, so you really can't judge. #2, chances are the person you are speaking to is, has, or will send their kids to school. They WILL be defensive. It will hurt them. #3, it shouldn't be about that. Everything you say should be about the great opportunity that you are taking with your kids. You might say exactly what you told us, that you want a classical education and would send them to a classical school if it were available, but DO NOT criticize the current state of education, even if the other person does. It's not wise. 

 

Keep your decision making to yourself until the time comes. Then be as nonconfrontational as possible. Let everything you say to outsiders be positive. Leave plenty of room for other people's choices. You will be ok  :001_smile:

 

In the mean time, if at all possible, find a local homeschool group. They do not have to be academically similar to you. What you need is to see how they are managing their lives, their families, their relatives, their time. You can talk to them about the unique challenges of homeschooling without feeling like you are being judged. If your area has a strong bent away from academics, you might have to back off of that topic, but I have found a good mixture of school-at-home, unschooling ( real unschooling, not no-schooling calling itself unschooling), classical, Montessori, Waldorf, and every possible mixture of everything. Everyone has similar challenges and victories, regardless of academic philosophy. Let this be your safe place where you can talk freely about these things and know that you are not the only one. 

[Aurora]

Thank you all for replying to my post. It is good to hear about your experiences and what to expect. I am relieved that nobody so far has been shouted at or had the cops knock on the door. I've read a few scary stories, so it is good to hear about real life experience here.

 

I think that keeping it vague for now sounds like the thing to do. And I will use our moving to different countries as the primary reason when explaining. I might have to give a more honest explanation to my mother, but that's ok. She is a recently retired high school teacher of maths and physics and she doesn't idealise the public school setting. On the other hand, homeschooling is illegal in our country (I'm pretty certain) so it is probable that she doesn't even realise this is possible elsewhere in the world.

[Farrar]

I always just said we were planning to homeschool. I really dislike when people are oddly cagey about stuff so being asked directly, "Oh what's your plan for school next year?" and then being told something vague like, "We're figuring it out," drives me nuts. However, unless it was a super, super close friend who I knew the reaction a bit beforehand, I didn't ever elaborate. So usually one of two conversations would happen. The person would be like, oh, really, interesting, random fact about homeschooling/person I know who homeschools/good for you and then the conversation would be over. Or, with a few people, they would ask questions and I would answer, but always in the briefest way, not encouraging discussion. "Because it's what we feel is best for the kids." "Yes, there's a nice little community of people that we're already meeting." "The law is pretty simple. We just have to file a notice of intent." "I'm sure we'll find lots of opportunities." And then 99.99% of the time the questions would stop. Most people don't really care or are generally supportive.

[Aurora]

 

Absolutely, without a doubt, DO NOT make your arguments against the schools. Don't let it be about that. (...) You might say exactly what you told us, that you want a classical education and would send them to a classical school if it were available, but DO NOT criticize the current state of education, even if the other person does. It's not wise. 

 

Keep your decision making to yourself until the time comes. Then be as nonconfrontational as possible. Let everything you say to outsiders be positive.

 

In the mean time, if at all possible, find a local homeschool group. (...) Let this be your safe place where you can talk freely about these things and know that you are not the only one. 

 

I kept nodding while reading this. It will be a great temptation for me to not go into the modern philosophies of education, since that is my primary reason for wanting to do this. I must learn to keep my mouth shut about that and talk about the positive reasons for the decision, as you say.

 

I very much doubt there are homeschooling groups where I currently live, but I will try and find some info. I think I will have to rely on forums such as this one and other internet sources for information and support.

[KrissiK]

I'm vague and then change the subject.

My friends who go to the same church as us and a lot of other homeschoolers tend to feel judged because they put their kids in ps, though I think that's just their own perception, and other people think we're crazy, but other than that just don't really care

 

For me, I don't talk at all about homeschooling except with other homeschoolers or people who are interested in pulling their kids out of school. I think a lot of people (around here) feel guilty and/or judged because they put their kids in ps and know their kids are bored and the schools aren't that great, but for some reason are unwilling or unable to homeschool. And some put their kids in because thy think that is the best way to effect change and are resentful toward homeschoolers because we isolate ourselves and shelter our children. And then there are just others. Whatever the case, few people I've met really care, so I just don't say much!

[Aurora]

 

 When we moved to Scotland after China, I got a fair few questions as we carried on home educating. I just talked about what a big move it was for the kids, and how we wanted to keep one thing (their education) the same for them.  This seemed to work, and we finally put them into school two years later.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

 

Scotland. My husband is Scottish, I lived there for a long time and we will eventually go back.

 

If you don't mind going into a bit more detail, how did people there react? How common is it to homeschool? I have no idea what to expect because this question was not on my radar while we still lived there. (We moved to Asia 2 and a half years ago, and the kids were still very young.)

[Laura Corin]

Scotland. My husband is Scottish, I lived there for a long time and we will eventually go back.

 

If you don't mind going into a bit more detail, how did people there react? How common is it to homeschool? I have no idea what to expect because this question was not on my radar while we still lived there. (We moved to Asia 2 and a half years ago, and the kids were still very young.)

 

Home education ('homeschooling' is not really used here - it's the American term) is pretty uncommon but I haven't met with any hostility.  There are home education groups in some cities (I know there is one in Edinburgh) but not in the countryside.  We just went to regular children's activities, like chess club and scouts.  

 

If you come from overseas and your children have not been in school in the UK, you do not need to make yourself known to the authorities.  They can ask for information if they hear about you, but you don't otherwise need to report.

 

The major issue with long term home education is that the Scottish qualifications are, I believe, very hard to take as a home educator (as they require in-class assessments).  And as UK pupils don't have transcripts, exam results are close to essential.  I taught Calvin three IGCSEs, but then he went to school from age 13 to 17, before going off to university.  That worked out fine.

 

I'm happy to answer any other questions you may have.

 

L

[EmilyGF]

If you talk about it like a moral choice, you'll alienate people. If you talk about it as being what is best for your family right now, people may think you are wacky, but generally won't think you're judging them.

[Anne in CA]

There are always going to be some people who see your home schooling as judging them. My poor husband's mother sees many of our parenting choices that are different from hers as judgmental. She doesn't like us attending church (she didn't go to church) she doesn't like home schooling, she doesn't like our not introducing kids to drugs ourselves, (yes, she got dh to smoke pot when he was 13 so there would be no mystery. That nearly ruined his life, it didn't work, no we wouldn't do that), she didn't like my only working part time when the kids were small so they didn't have to go to daycare.

 

The trick to this sort of thing is to either become comfortable with a certain amount of discord, or only speak superficially. 

[Seasider]

Laura Corin what a great resource you are for Aurora! I love to see the WTM community work this way.

[catz]

I don't talk about it unless pressed.  With relatives I kept it light, "oh yes, we think we may try homeschooling.  How about that weather this week?".  After a year or 2 in, relatives could see results in front of their face.  Our kids are the most articulate and social in their group of cousins (although, I do think that is not just homeschooling.  Kids vary). 

 

I do always talk about it in terms of "this is what is working for us right now as a family, but yes, there are wonderful school choices available also".  I do not make it a value judgment on anyone else.  Not everyone can or should homeschool.  With people in passing, unless people are asking very specific questions (and if they are, there's usually a reason), I do not go into it heavily either.

[HS Mom in NC]

Not everyone buys into the idea that "it's the right choice for our family" is a legitimate response to anything.  I know it gets used here at these forums all the time but there are people who think there is a best option for all children. Some think it's public schooling, some homeschooling.  Some think one approach to home education is the best for all children where others think a different one is. So, be prepared to deal with that.  Honestly, I have seen many posters here flustered when someone doesn't automatically accept that kind of response. They seem to think everyone has or should have this take on education or lifestyle options or whatever.  Not everyone does.

 

Education, parenting styles, lifestyles, politics, and religion can be hot button topics for a lot of people.  So what do you do when those topics come up and you know they will likely disagree with you? You probably answer very generally and matter of factly and then move on to something else unless someone is genuinely interested and asks a lot more detailed questions and (here's an important part) waits quietly to hear your answer.  Some people will use questions as a springboard to tell you why they think you're wrong. They usually don't wait to hear your answer to their questions, they just go right to why you're wrong.  Don't waste your time trying to convince them anymore than you would try to convince someone their religion or political leaning are wrong.

Never assume a question about homeschooling is an attack or affront.  Just ask the questions answered as generally as possible and wait to see if it's followed by genuine interest or conflict.  Keep in mind people who don't homeschool are likely to ask odd or awkwardly worded questions.  They can misuse terms that could be interpreted differently by people familiar with those terms.  Cut them some slack. Focus on their intentions and try to keep it as friendly as possible. 

 

Also, don't do anyone's homework for them.  It's the internet age and if they really want to know about homechooling they can easily have all kinds of information at their fingertips. Don't send them links to anything unless they've done some research on their own and want more specific details. I have lots of experience in this department.  If  don't care enough to google it, they don't care enough to read the information at the links you send them.

 

You have to understand American Psychology and Culture to weight which of our responses are applicable to you and which may not be.   Individualism, self sufficiency and type of egalitarianism, in this context, that doesn't revere professional educators are commonly shared by enough Americans that homeschooling is a natural evolution for us as a society.  We have all kinds of different education options beyond homeschooling around here with public schools, public charter schools, private schools, homeschools and online at home versions of each of those, so it's not a great leap for people to extend the idea that education isn't one monolithic thing.  If this isn't the norm in the countries of your relatives asking about your children's education,  you may need to contact others homeschooling in your country of origin and ask them how they deal with it. We might not be up against the same cultural obstacles you face.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Thank you all for replying to my post. It is good to hear about your experiences and what to expect. I am relieved that nobody so far has been shouted at or had the cops knock on the door. I've read a few scary stories, so it is good to hear about real life experience here.

 

 

 

Whoa...I never heard any crazy stories like that. 

[Dmmetler]

When school is a topic of conversation, I focus on the similarities, not the differences. Oh, your Angel is doing State History this year? My Snowflake did that last year, and it was a pain in the butt because I grew up in a different state and didn't study this one....yeah, Fractions can be a pain sometimes. Here's a trick that seemed to help a little. Have you come up with any wonderful ways to practice vocabulary words? Those are a bear...."

 

Honestly, most parents just want someone they can vent about their DC's teacher and homework load to. I've found that once they realize that I'm not going to go all Mary Poppins, homeschooling is practically perfect in every way on them, and that I too have a kid who disappears into the bathroom when there's a math assignment to do and whines like I'm killing her when she has to write a paragraph, it puts us on the same level.

 

For older family members, a lot of times it's that they simply can't imagine anything different than what they know-so again, if I can compare it to the same things that their other grand children/nieces/nephews are doing, "Oh, yes! Snowflake had a presentation to do for our mythology class. It was really cute-want to see my home video??". "Oh, that's little Angel's Christmas concert. Our homeschool group did that at a nursing home-here are some DARLING pictures....." etc.

 

Basically, the message that seems to work best is that we're all doing the same things, just in a slightly different way, and none of us have the perfect fit.

 

 

[fairfarmhand]

Mostly, I try to be upbeat, confident, and non-judgemental.

 

Everyone's different.

 

"We're considering homeschooling! I'm excited about it, but a little nervous. We really are attracted to the Classical model of education. I can't wait to get started!"

[fairfarmhand]

BTW, I've never in13 years of homeschooling had a single negative reaction. Most people see that my kids are decent human beings (while still being normal kids) and reasonably educated, so I guess they think we're doing okay.

[SeaConquest]

I had to Google TWTM Forum on the Urban Dictionary. Batsh*t insane classical homeschoolers... bwahahaha!

 

OP, to date, we have not had any seriously negative reactions about our choice to homeschool. Most people are impressed that I'd put so much effort into the endeavor. The worst of it was an offhand FB comment by my great aunt about how, in her day, they left the teaching to the 'real' teachers. I didn't bother to respond; the results speak for themselves IMHO. 

 

 

[Word Nerd]

For some reason I have it in my head that the the blogger who hates and mocks Pioneer Woman and homeschoolers had something to do with the Urban Dictionary listing for TWTM, but it's been several years since I've been on her site and I don't remember why I suspected she and her commenters/followers had something to do with it.

[Garga]

You're in a country where it's illegal to homeschool. The people in that country won't understand homeschool very well and if you talk to your friends in that country they may have a lot of questions and be strongly against it. It would be best to talk as little as possible about it to your local friends.

 

Our stories to you about how we never had negative responses or never heard of police at the door may not apply to you. If you're in a country where it's illegal to homeschool, then there will be negative responses from the people of that country. Perhaps strongly negative. Are you sure it's legal for you to homeschool there, even if you're not a citizen? Are you going to do it anyway? If so, you'll need to be quiet about it.

 

What country is your family from? Their questions/concerns will be greater if they're from a country where homeschooling is rare. I would start off by saying very little about it around them until you get a feel for their reactions. Be prepared for people to give a knee-jerk "NO!" reaction to the idea of homeschooling. I've found that people give strong initial reactions to most new ideas and then soften toward it after a bit of time. Give them that time/space to soften before you write them off. Some people will be very curious and will want to grill you. If they can maintain a sense of respect toward your decision, you can have fun talking it through with them. But if they get combative, shut it down with a polite change of subject.

 

And that Urban Dictionary definition of this forum is hilariously wrong. I read the forum every day and haven't seen what that person saw. The second entry down in the Urban Dictionary is more accurate. There are people of all types here and for the most part we all play nicely together. You're free to hang out here with us. You'll get a lot of good advice.

[Alessandra]

If you talk about it like a moral choice, you'll alienate people. If you talk about it as being what is best for your family right now, people may think you are wacky, but generally won't think you're judging them.

I agree. You can say what is best for your family, for now. Be open to all possibilities. I live in a non homeschooling area, but I have never had any hostility, either from friends or professionals in the school system, when I say that what I am doing is the best match for dd right now.

 

The following may only apply to U.S.:

 

-- do not start conversations, or posts, with 'Readon #785 why I am homeschooling.'

-- do not keep your own mental database of school shootings.

-- do not offer scathing criticism about school curricula, even if they use Everyday Math, lol.

-- do not brag about how your kid knows ancient history, Latin, or won a mythology contest, especially if you then compare to local schools.

-- do not mention standardized testing. Everyone hates it.

 

But you can always say:

-- MY dc love being at home

-- MY dc love history. Who knew!

 

As for the Urban Dictionary, the description sounds vey much a totally different forum, which shall be nameless.

[Desert Strawberry]

I live in a place where homeschooling is normal. Most people still choose not to do it. but everyone knows what it is and probably knows someone who is doing it. I don't get any criticism, but I do get a lot of "I could never do that!" It's good to have a noncommital response along the lines of, "It's not for everyone." I would expect that if it's a very rare choice where you are, you will get a much stronger reaction. You might want to have a few unobtrusive responses at the ready for when the questions start. Especially in the beginning, everyone will be quite stunned that you are doing this, and might make rude and hurtful comments- essentially that you aren't smart enough to teach you child the alphabet-without intending to or recognizing how ridiculous they are. Be prepared to gently shut down any conversation that starts to go awry. 

[Aurora]

You probably answer very generally and matter of factly and then move on to something else unless someone is genuinely interested and asks a lot more detailed questions and (here's an important part) waits quietly to hear your answer.  Some people will use questions as a springboard to tell you why they think you're wrong. They usually don't wait to hear your answer to their questions, they just go right to why you're wrong. 

 

You have to understand American Psychology and Culture to weight which of our responses are applicable to you and which may not be.   (...)   If this isn't the norm in the countries of your relatives asking about your children's education,  you may need to contact others homeschooling in your country of origin and ask them how they deal with it. We might not be up against the same cultural obstacles you face.

 

Thank you for this.

 

I am very familiar with American culture, having spent some time there myself, by having American friends over the years, and by regularly interacting on a few internet forums and blogs. I understand the mentality and 'speak the language'. But yes, my culture is very different. I'm from South East Europe, where people are eager to tell you exactly what they think about your life choices and to argue with you over things that have nothing to do with them :huh: It can be exhausting. I faced an insane amount of criticism when I did a few things that were not the norm by their standards, such as doing a PhD instead of pursuing a career, or for leaving Europe to explore the big wide world for a bit. Home education is just so out there that it will be an official sign that I have finally lost my mind LOL

I think that if we do this I will have to play the moving abroad card and not go into details.

 

My husband is Scottish, as I stated earlier, and in that culture people are very polite and much more reserved. Thank God. The family will think we are nuts, will express concern but will be polite about it. If they want to discuss it in more depth, they will talk to him and be super nice to me. A great arrangement as far as I'm concerned because they are the last people I want to get confrontational with.

 

But regardless of all these cultural differences all of the advice so far has been very valuable. Thank you everyone.  

 

[Aurora]

 If you're in a country where it's illegal to homeschool, then there will be negative responses from the people of that country. Perhaps strongly negative. Are you sure it's legal for you to homeschool there, even if you're not a citizen? Are you going to do it anyway? If so, you'll need to be quiet about it.

 

What country is your family from?

 

And that Urban Dictionary definition of this forum is hilariously wrong. I read the forum every day and haven't seen what that person saw. The second entry down in the Urban Dictionary is more accurate. There are people of all types here and for the most part we all play nicely together. You're free to hang out here with us. You'll get a lot of good advice.

 

I'm originally from Croatia, but we are not likely to settle down there. Home education is illegal there but  a proposal to change the law has been put forward. We are not likely to settle down there so this isn't an issue except that friends and family will probably think I'm nuts and ruining the kids.

However, our education system is still based on the classical model in a number of ways, so I would be happy to send the kids to school there if we did decide to move.

 

We currently live in Malaysia where it is legal but not common. Foreigners can get away with a lot more than locals, so I am not concerned. We are probably going to move sometime next year, which is before the kids start school anyway. The question is where we will go next and what the law is there. All big unknowns for the time being.

 

I agree about the Urban Dictionary. A ridiculous, offensive entry that has nothing to do with reality. I only have a few posts but have read through a number of threads and people are really nice and helpful. Sure, there are disagreements - it's only natural - but I haven't yet seen ugly fighting. The Urban Dictionary on the other hand, is overflowing with nasty language and hatred. I guess this unorthodox way must be very threatening to some people.