Night Elf Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Last week when I got onto Facebook, a former best friend's face popped up under the 'people you might know' section. This is the friend with the son who was my son's best friend and one day she just stopped talking to me. She didn't return my emails or answer her phone. When I finally got in touch, she told me she was just too busy and it was nothing we did. But she was ending the relationship. I've always felt that it must have been something ds or I did. These were our only friends so we were seriously hurt by this abandonment. I would have liked the chance to rectify any problems. So anyway, I decided to send her a PM just to say hello and I hoped she was doing well. I didn't even try to friend her. But she never replied. She didn't even acknowledge me and now I'm hurt all over again. If asked, I could swear ds and I were good people. I just really wish I knew what we did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aiden Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I'm so sorry :( It's hard when people choose to drop relationships without a word of explanation--and even worse when they say "it's not you; it's me" but act like "it's not me; it's you." :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinaPagnato Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 :grouphug: You may never know if you did anything to hurt her, but since you sincerely can't think of anything, then you have to just let this one go. Sorry for the loss of a friendship. I know it's really hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 If you sent her a message and she isn't your friend on FB, she may not have gotten it. If you aren't friends with someone, it goes to their "Other" message file and many don't even know that file exists. You can find yours by clicking on your messages and you will see a file tab called "other" Click on that and you can see any messages from people who aren't your friends have sent you. So, it may not be that she just isn't responding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 If you sent her a message and she isn't your friend on FB, she may not have gotten it. If you aren't friends with someone, it goes to their "Other" message file and many don't even know that file exists. You can find yours by clicking on your messages and you will see a file tab called "other" Click on that and you can see any messages from people who aren't your friends have sent you. So, it may not be that she just isn't responding. Yep. My mother had an old, excellent friend who messaged her and it went into the "other". It was there for about 2 months before I came to visit, sat down at her computer for a second, and asked her if she knew she had a message there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I'm sorry. :grouphug: It's hard to be dropped like that. I had a friend who I considered pretty close. After a couple of years, though, I realized I was the one carrying on the friendship. She would always seem happy to get together when I planned something but she never initiated. So I slowed down but I wasn't ready to stop trying. Then, my family decided to move across country and when I called to tell her, she seemed interested in seeing us but was getting ready to go on vacation. She promised to call me when they got back so we could get together before our move. But she never did. It was so hard for me not to pick up the phone and call her but I resisted. That was about 8 years ago but every now and then something reminds me of her and I wish I could ask her what I or my family did to make her drift away. I still miss her, which is stupid - she obviously wasn't a great friend. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Yeah, PMs from non-friend aren't noticeable on Facebook. Last time I checked mine (a couple of years ago) I had unread messages that were about a year old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Hmm.. I didn't think she might not have gotten my message. I didn't want to friend her because I don't want her to be in a predicament at choosing whether or not to add me. I don't want to be "that" person, kwim? She's very computer saavy though. She's an artist and a web designer. I'd be surprised if she didn't know to check for messages in Facebook, although I had never heard of that other category. But I don't consider myself Facebook saavy! :) We parted ways 8 years ago. It still makes me really sad, really for my son more than me. Her son was my son's only friend in his whole life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Oh!!! I just checked her FB page again and the last entry she made was in May. I didn't realize that the first time I looked. Now I feel a bit better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Hi Night Elf, There are so many hurt people in the world. It may truly have nothing to do with you. I have just watched a friend go through something similar to your experience. She met a mom at a new martial arts studio she began attending. This mom was friendly, outgoing, and full of ideas. For months, my friend B and this woman did all kinds of things together outside of their studio time. I met her and liked her too. One day, poof! B's new friend was no longer answering phone calls or texts. Nothing had happened. She did finally communicate that she needed some time to declutter her house - and then vanished socially off the radar. Gone. She went from calls and texts daily to total silence. Fall session at the studio is starting next week, so I guess B will see what this woman has to say then. It hurts to be abandoned. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I'm computer savvy and it took me forever to notice the "Other" folder. Even knowing that it's there, I still forget to check it. LOL!! Also, I can't even see that folder on my phone. I usually check facebook on my phone not the computer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Hmm.. I didn't think she might not have gotten my message. I didn't want to friend her because I don't want her to be in a predicament at choosing whether or not to add me. I don't want to be "that" person, kwim? She's very computer saavy though. She's an artist and a web designer. I'd be surprised if she didn't know to check for messages in Facebook, although I had never heard of that other category. But I don't consider myself Facebook saavy! :) We parted ways 8 years ago. It still makes me really sad, really for my son more than me. Her son was my son's only friend in his whole life. I'm computer savvy. I used to do tech support and be a system administrator. I'm aware of the whole "Other" inbox thing. I still don't think to check it very often (usually when something brings it to my attention, like this thread). Still, it sounds like there's a good chance, given the history, that she legitimately didn't respond. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I'm not sure why you would want to rekindle a friendship with someone who dumped you years ago. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Hmm.. I didn't think she might not have gotten my message. I didn't want to friend her because I don't want her to be in a predicament at choosing whether or not to add me. I don't want to be "that" person, kwim? She's very computer saavy though. She's an artist and a web designer. I'd be surprised if she didn't know to check for messages in Facebook, although I had never heard of that other category. But I don't consider myself Facebook saavy! :) We parted ways 8 years ago. It still makes me really sad, really for my son more than me. Her son was my son's only friend in his whole life. I'm so sorry to hear that. :crying: Your ds must have been heartbroken and you must have felt so awful for him. :grouphug: Honestly, that is even more reason why I wouldn't want to deal with her again. Do you really want your ds to be rejected by the son again? A lot of time has passed and that young man may no longer be the sweet boy you remember. In your shoes, I would still be angry with her for causing my ds so much pain. The last thing I would want would be to be friends with her again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 I'm not sure why you would want to rekindle a friendship with someone who dumped you years ago. :confused: I don't expect a relationship. I'm really just curious about her and her family. I also never got closure and I'd love to find out when she moved out of state. She was desperate to move and I wonder if she was just trying to cut ties with anything and anyone here. Yes she hurt me, but the only friend I had before that was 18 years in the past. I'd be happy to talk to her again but since she lives so far away, I wouldn't expect anything serious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I just want to say thank you to this thread for letting me know about the "other" category of messages. I am on facebook all the time and had never noticed it before. Yes, I had several, only one of which needed a reply and to whom I just ran to her office and apologized. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhotoGal Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I had no idea about the "other" box! Thanks for letting me know. OP, I understand your curiosity but I think it is probably best to let it go. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I still can't find the other tab. .? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I still can't find the other tab. .? Go to messages. There will be your "inbox" and next to that is "other". It's on the top left on the computer. I have never been able to find it on the phone app. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I'm sorry. I can relate. I had a friend turn on me and, though I tried, I was never able to learn what happened. It does hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I, also, did not know about the Other box and went and checked it and I had a message from the ex boyfriend of an old friend (who dumped me for no reason I know of so this sort of relates to this thread). He was telling me how much he loves her and that he just wanted me to know. !?! If he thought I would plead his case he is completely wrong. I never liked him and I begged her not to give him the time of day. Although that may be why she is not talking to me... I suppose she doesn't want to face me because I was right and he was an abusive creep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Bizarre! I did not know about the Other box! There were messages in there from years ago! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I had friends drop me, and it is unsettling, to say the least. I've also dropped friends when relationship became toxic or too one-sided. I'm a "one best friend" person, and I do remember old friendships fondly and sometimes think about rekindling them. However, most people would've moved on in 8 years, and in most likelihood won't even remember why they ended a friendship (unless it was something really big.) If she was your only friend in so many years, it is time to seek other friends, seriously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Go to messages. There will be your "inbox" and next to that is "other". It's on the top left on the computer. I have never been able to find it on the phone app. Found it! I had to go to my desk top. Couldn't get to it from iPad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SemiSweet Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 I'm computer savvy. I used to do tech support and be a system administrator. I'm aware of the whole "Other" inbox thing. I still don't think to check it very often (usually when something brings it to my attention, like this thread). Still, it sounds like there's a good chance, given the history, that she legitimately didn't respond. Yes this. I have had to drop a friendship before because there was just too much negativity for me and instead of doing a whole breakup scene I just kind stopped communicating. It actually hurt me quite a bit but I felt like I had no choice. Sometimes people are only in our lives for a short period of time due to a myriad of reasons. I'm sorry you're feeling hurt. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Couldn't get to it from iPad. This is the other thing. I am often online on my phone. I can't access any messages in my "other" box unless I initiated the message chain from my phone. I am sorry that you were hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 I don't expect a relationship. I'm really just curious about her and her family. I also never got closure and I'd love to find out when she moved out of state. She was desperate to move and I wonder if she was just trying to cut ties with anything and anyone here. Yes she hurt me, but the only friend I had before that was 18 years in the past. I'd be happy to talk to her again but since she lives so far away, I wouldn't expect anything serious. It's so strange that she cut you off so suddenly and I can understand wondering what happened, but I'm just concerned that you might be reopening old wounds if you hear back from her. Also, even if she was nice and very friendly, would you ever be able to trust her again after what she did to you -- and especially after what she did to your ds? I know I wouldn't. I could never be friends (or even friendly) with someone who hurt my child like that, and I wouldn't care in the least what had happened to her over the years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 There are lots of reasons that have nothing to do with you that could have caused her to drop your friendship without explaination. Maybe she had a crush on your DH and needed distance. Maybe her kid was going through mental health issues she was trying to keep private. Maybe her husband was abusive and forcing her to isolate herself (really hope this wasn't the case) Maybe her mom got extremely sick and she didn't have the emotional energy to maintain the relationship Maybe she joined a new religion and felt you no longer had things in common Maybe, maybe, maybe I know some of these examples are wacky, but you get the point. You won't always know why friendships end, so don't allow yourself to feel as if you did something wrong. Relationships are dynamic. They eb and flow, and sometimes come to a screeching halt without warning. It can be sad, but don't beat yourself up about it, whether she responds to your message or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloridaLisa Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Wow, am I glad I clicked on this thread! Just found a few oooolllldd messages. I've apologized profusely! :blush: Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 :crying: It's hard having no friends. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nansk Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 I had no idea about the "other" box! Me too! LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Well, at least it sounds like she has never seen the message. She hasn't been on FB since May to begin with, and may not look at her 'other' folder. FTR, dh is very computer savvy and uses FB a lot and looks at that folder maybe once a year. He just has too many other things to worry about. And being a good person doesn't mean people will always be nice to you. And it doesn't mean people will always like you or be friends with you. I would bet quite a lot that what happened has absolutely nothing to do with you. People do things for their own reasons. If you can't figure out a reason for what happened, then it most likely has zero to do with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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