Joanne Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 My personal bottom line is this. My ex has filed for Social Security retirement. Since he still has minor kids, they qualify for benefits on his record. This amount is more than he'd be forced to pay for support based on SS income. Therefore, that benefit becomes support and he won't have any additional child support obligations. He is still on the hook for the $8k in arrears, and was read his rights for that. The Judge asked me if I wanted to negotiate or send him to jail. I chose not to send him to jail.My kids had been receiving a social security benefit from when their (ex) step dad became disabled. Their Dad's benefit is greater, so that will become the new payment. This is a good thing - it awards my family needed support and allows me to officially divorce Adrian (a sad reality). One of the lessons I try to "teach" when I counsel people on relationships is to be open to and look for "win/win" options. We are not great at that here in the US; we are very entrenched with the win/lose paradigm. There is a part of me being pulled into being mad that my ex won't have to *pay* any child support. But I realized, slowly, that the solution that emerged from yesterday's day in court was a win/win. Through his social security record and history, he is able to provide for the kids. He no longer accrues debt and "only" has to deal with the arrears, not accumulating obligations. At my home, I get the benefit of funds coming in that serve to support the kids - funds I was not getting that exceed what he'd be required to pay. Both families, but more importantly, the kids, "win." I don't know what the SS numbers are, just that it is bigger than what they get now through Adrian's record. When I get the numbers, I am going to evaluate if I can quit my treatment job. Remember last year, when I was going to drop down to 2 jobs: full time at the school and build my private practice? I did that and at that precise time, child support stopped. :laugh: :lol: So, I am thinking that if I can pay a few things (a modest balance on an old credit card on which I have been on a payment program, a dental card from a while back on my son, my bed, buy new tires for the car), I can eliminate some monthly costs. I will also look at credit clean up - I have a few settlement offers relating to old debt. I may also take advantage of a credentialing service. I "could" do it myself, but imagine your worst paperwork and administrative nightmare. Times that by 4, and you get the credentialing issue. I've seen a few prices, ranging from about $1k to $2k. Let's say that process brings me 2 new clients that stick - that would be approximately $800 a month income. I do have 2-3 private clients currently. In November, this will be written up including payments on the arrears. I filed the social security application yesterday, and since they were in the system under Adrian's, it was fairly seamless. In fact, I should get a small "lump sum" when it's been processed because it will be retroactive to when Mike filed for his retirement. The lump sum will be the difference in what they get now, and what they quality for at the higher rate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 My smilies just disappeared so <<>>> I hope it all works out quickly for you. You deserve some peace! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 I'm glad it seems to have worked out nicely for everyone involved, but mainly for the fact that it will be a help to you and the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Joanne, I really hope this works out for you! It woud be wonderful if you could drop a joband go back to working on our private practice. Thinking positive thoughts for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Thanks for the update. Hope everything works out as planned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Great update! So glad it's working out & love to hear about your positive outlook - it's inspiring. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 I'm really glad you got some reasonably good news. Obviously, really good news would have been a check for the full amount of the arrears, but, yes, this does sound like a win/win. I'm happy for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cammie Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Great outcome! Was an agreement reached on his arrears? What a great thing it would be to get that taken care of in one lump sum! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted August 27, 2014 Author Share Posted August 27, 2014 Great outcome! Was an agreement reached on his arrears? What a great thing it would be to get that taken care of in one lump sum! No agreement on the arrears. And his payment arrangement will be generous - very generous - in his favor because his income is so low. The arrangement will be made in Nov and he will be on probation until it is paid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 With SS you will also be receiving the money, every month, without fail. It will be money you can count on, plan on, budget on! I am very happy to hear that you are moving forward on many fronts in this situation and hopefully you will finally be done having to worry about it any more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Thanks for the positive update, Joanne! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 No agreement on the arrears. And his payment arrangement will be generous - very generous - in his favor because his income is so low. The arrangement will be made in Nov and he will be on probation until it is paid. Will the state garnish his wages to ensure payment? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted August 27, 2014 Author Share Posted August 27, 2014 Will the state garnish his wages to ensure payment? He does not have wages and social security does not always allow garnishment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Great news and excellent mindset! I'm impressed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Glad for the positive direction this is going in. I hope that it all works out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Feel like you caught a break of sorts--FINALLY. :svengo: (And I hope that's the right smilie...what I mean is, what a relief!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 I'm glad it seems to have worked out nicely for everyone involved, but mainly for the fact that it will be a help to you and the kids. I agree... I hope your ex comes through with the money he owes the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Sounds like a good outcome. Hope his debt to you gets paid honorably soon as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 So glad for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunflowerlady Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Thanks for the more detailed update. I am glad things are working out better for you in that area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 I think it is great news. Very happy for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 That is a win outcome. Getting a check from SS is WAY more reliable than getting on from the ex. Hope the arrears gets paid off without you having to return to court ever again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 No agreement on the arrears. And his payment arrangement will be generous - very generous - in his favor because his income is so low. The arrangement will be made in Nov and he will be on probation until it is paid. I'm sure probation will ensure his compliance. If it doesn't, he'll go to jail and it won't be you "being vindictive", it will be the state of Texas applying its laws. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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