I hate the term 'gifted'

[lewelma]

I've taught my older boy to keep his mouth shut around his friends about the math he is doing.  Bragging is so not allowed in NZ, but if he wants understanding and support then he needs to get together with his mathy adult friends.  He does hold court at martial arts with the engineers and computer scientists who have not been around theoretical number theory and combinatorics for a while and enjoy a good challenge.

 

 

 

she was happier before she realized how many people were bothered by her being herself.

:crying:

 

 

 

[boscopup]

This was in response to FairProspects asking what you say if you don't say they're gifted:

 

I say "I read aloud ALOT". 

 

But this answer implies that if you read aloud a lot, your kids will automatically be just as smart as the kid being questioned. That's simply not the case. If you take a kid with an 80 IQ and read aloud to them a lot, they're not going to suddenly act like a kid with 150 IQ. Just isn't going to happen. So then when the parent of the 80 IQ kid is asking and you use this response, you've just made the parent feel bad that they haven't read aloud enough to their kid, or maybe they have read aloud a lot and their kid still isn't working at even an average pace. Reading aloud a lot isn't what made your kid smarter. He/she was born that way. Reading aloud is wonderful and really helps develop good vocabulary, gives them more stories to use in their pretend play, and gives them an ear for the English language. But it doesn't make their IQ go up 30 points. :tongue_smilie:

 

My answer to people is that my son was born that way. *I* had nothing to do with it (well, my genes and my DH's genes did, but I have no control over that, because WE were born that way also). How is my youngest reading chapter books at 5? He was born with the ability to learn to read quickly. It's nothing I did. I haven't hot housed him. I have hardly worked with him at all in reading. He hasn't even worked hard at getting to that point. It was easy for him. That's part of what being "gifted" does - makes learning certain things quicker/easier (assuming LDs aren't making it harder). My kids who are ahead have not worked that hard to get there. My oldest is a few years ahead in math, but he didn't work hard for it. Math came naturally to him. It's been harder work for me to challenge him than for him to accelerate multiple grade levels. I pulled him out of school precisely because he wasn't having to work hard in school, and I didn't want him coasting through school and never learning to work hard, which is a real issue with gifted kids.

 

The kid in my family that has had to work hard is the one that I couldn't begin to guess his IQ. He thinks deeply and has all the overexcitabilities of a gifted kid. He asks really deep questions and always has. He is a good problem solver. He struggles to learn to read though. He is probably mildly dyslexic like his grandfather, and that is making it harder for him. So he does have to work at reading. Math comes pretty easily to him though, so he doesn't have to work at that as much. Reading aloud to him a lot is helpful for language development, but it isn't making reading come any easier to him. ;)

 

I think we have to be careful in answers like this to not make it look like we were doing something to make our kids "gifted". If someone asks how I got my 5 year old to read chapter books and I answered, "Oh, he just worked hard," that would be a lie, first of all, and it would also be suggesting that if the other parent made their kid work hard, they too would be reading chapter books at 5. But if that kid isn't developmentally ready to read chapter books, hard work isn't going to get them there. Believe me, my middle son has worked hard. He's not reading chapter books at age 7.5 even. I suspect he'll be 8 before he can even start to read Magic Tree House books. So suggesting that if you work hard you'll be ahead... well, that isn't always the case if the natural ability isn't there.

[Mike in SA]

You know, I just say my kids are "a lot of work." People with gifted kids understand what that means, and other people can have whatever opinion they choose.  In our family, our self-respect is determined primarily by how we stack up against our own capabilities, and not as much by others' opinions.  Our kids have ridiculous sensitivities, so we have to choose between measuring internally or being miserable.  Since there are worse calamities than having gifted kids, the choice is an easy one to make.

[SKL]

I have a friend whose daughter is the same age as my youngest.  Once, when they were about 6, the little friend was starting to tell about something she was interested in, and her mom kept telling her, "don't show off."  I felt kinda bad.  I think at that age kids should be allowed to show their stuff to their friends.  Furthermore, I was letting my own kids do so (turning cartwheels etc. so they could get their sillies out).  Maybe those parents think I am obnoxious, but it seems 6 is young to start worrying about others comparing etc.  My message to my kids has always been that everyone has different strengths.  Maybe my sensitivities are lower since one of my kids is an average student who has to work very hard to keep up.  She accepts that her sister has a much higher IQ and focuses on what she can do well.

[SKL]

Oh, the other thing I used to do to divert the evil eye was to turn the attention to my other daughter who has struggles.  Somehow it makes other parents feel good if your kid is having a tough time.

 

It doesn't come up much any more, now that all their peers are reading etc.

[Kerileanne99]

Oh, the other thing I used to do to divert the evil eye was to turn the attention to my other daughter who has struggles. Somehow it makes other parents feel good if your kid is having a tough time.

 

It doesn't come up much any more, now that all their peers are reading etc.

Oh, see that makes me cringe:(

Yes. It does make others feel better to see a kid struggling sometimes. These people are petty and do not deserve the effort.

And definitely not at the expense of your child.

[SKL]

Oh, see that makes me cringe:(

Yes. It does make others feel better to see a kid struggling sometimes. These people are petty and do not deserve the effort.

And definitely not at the expense of your child.

 

I'm not ashamed of my kid.  I'm proud of her and how hard she works.

[Kerileanne99]

I'm not ashamed of my kid. I'm proud of her and how hard she works.

Of course you are proud of her! I have no doubt of this, and imagine you work very hard to let her know this. I have read your posts and think you genuinely make an effort to celebrate the gifts and efforts of both your girls.

 

But I think even when comments are made out of earshot kids have ways of picking up in them...eveb if not overhearing them directly, comments like this eventually tend to rear their heads.

 

I grew up with a step-sister who was six months younger than I. She struggled with just about everything. I didn't. There were reasons, most of them beyond our control. Comments like these almost became a general expectation for both of us. She was expected to struggle with everything and I wa expected to struggle with nothing. Not good for either of us.

To this day she harbors much resentment because of this. She did not much like being branded the kid who was a hard worker because she had to struggle so much.

I just think things like that can take on a persona all their own, despite the original intent. Hard work is always something to be praised; perseverance in the face of adversity should always be celebrated.

Just not as a deflection or defense for some random ignorant mother who is feeling defensive at something your child has done:)

[SKL]

I dunno.  Some things are obvious and not talking about them makes them seem worse than they are.  Like there is reason to be ashamed.

 

It's not like I talk about this stuff with outsiders all the time.  It has been a long time.  But I have used it to deflect the jealousy that has arisen at times.

 

In some Eastern cultures, parents deliberately talk their kids down or put marks on their faces to avert the "evil eye" of jealousy.  They believe jealousy will hurt their kids more.  Maybe this is where I got the idea.

[MotherOfBoys]

boscupop, you took my quote out of context. She asked what you say instead of saying he's gifted "when they ask why he knows something" out of the ordinary. He knows it because I read it to him. He's not reading middle school texts on his own. I'm reading them to him and discussing. If they want to compare what they are doing then so be it but I'm not comparing my child to them. It's their fault for falling into the comparison trap. Yes, he processes concepts quickly but his patience to read isn't there in most subjects. I read till I lose my voice in books he's interested in. Most kids are not read GOOD books to that much to be able to compare in the first place so I've never had a problem with this. One parent at the park said she read to her kids but never more than dr susess. She has never put the effort into deeper books. It's apples to oranges. He's a first born and I take the time to give him the information he spouts off to other people.

[Dmmetler]

boscupop, you took my quote out of context. She asked what you say instead of saying he's gifted "when they ask why he knows something" out of the ordinary. He knows it because I read it to him. He's not reading middle school texts on his own. I'm reading them to him and discussing. If they want to compare what they are doing then so be it but I'm not comparing my child to them. It's their fault for falling into the comparison trap. Yes, he processes concepts quickly but his patience to read isn't there in most subjects. I read till I lose my voice in books he's interested in. Most kids are not read GOOD books to that much to be able to compare in the first place so I've never had a problem with this. One parent at the park said she read to her kids but never more than dr susess. She has never put the effort into deeper books. It's apples to oranges. He's a first born and I take the time to give him the information he spouts off to other people.

It's not just apples and oranges, though. Most 6 yr olds don't have the ability to concentrate and focus enough to pick up much from those deeper books. It's just not there yet. One thing that I've run into trouble before is that DD has some friends who are definitely on the bright side who like animals-but the fact is that if they try to go to say, a college guest lecture on the evolution of grasping claws in raptors, my DD is engaged, and her friends are bored, even though birds aren't my Dad's primary interest, and they are her friend's. The latter happens in the opposite direction when there's a kid-focused event, like, say, a local wildlife rehabilitation center bringing a raptor to the local library as part of the summer reading program. At the biology lecture, DD is focused and engaged, and her friends are bored and fidgety and usually end up playing games on mom's cell phone. At the kid focused events, DD often ends up making notes about all the things they're not saying because she's so focused on what they're leaving out and it's just not deep enough for her. There's just a difference between PG kid intensely focused on biology and same age kid who is bright and likes animals-and taking the latter kid to the events the former loves doesn't make the latter kid into the former, nor does limiting the PG kid who needs the professional level depth to the kid's activities make them react to the content like a bright kid does.

[shawthorne44]

dmmetler, to me, your DD is the poster child of asynchronous profoundly gifted.  I was talking to my husband a few months ago about the concept, and he didn't understand.  (We are still figuring out our DD)  I said, "Finally learning to tie your shoes so that you don't have to ask the college kids on the field trip."  It was the perfect example.  (At least I think that was your DD.  Sometimes I get posters mixed up)  

[Runningmom80]

LOL everyone freaking out about what "accelerated" means.

 

It just means the kid is ahead of other kids his age.

 

I wasn't freaking out, I was bringing up a point about semantics, which does relate to the OP.

[FairProspects]

boscupop, you took my quote out of context. She asked what you say instead of saying he's gifted "when they ask why he knows something" out of the ordinary. He knows it because I read it to him. He's not reading middle school texts on his own. I'm reading them to him and discussing. If they want to compare what they are doing then so be it but I'm not comparing my child to them. It's their fault for falling into the comparison trap. Yes, he processes concepts quickly but his patience to read isn't there in most subjects. I read till I lose my voice in books he's interested in. Most kids are not read GOOD books to that much to be able to compare in the first place so I've never had a problem with this. One parent at the park said she read to her kids but never more than dr susess. She has never put the effort into deeper books. It's apples to oranges. He's a first born and I take the time to give him the information he spouts off to other people.

 

 

But most of what I get questioned about I didn't read to him. I don't even think he read it himself. He just knows it or infers it. Things like natural farming practices that he can discuss with farmers & ranchers despite being a suburban kid who never visits farms. We ended up at an alpaca farm, he took a look around and knew immediately what the farmer was using. I have zero idea how he knew that and the farmer was stunned and asked me about it. Possibly it is because of his interest in chemistry, but possibly it is just because he knows stuff. Frequently when I ask him how he knows something he just responds that everyone knows it or just because it is the law of the universe and he is surprised when I tell him that most people don't have that knowledge in their cognitive database without specific study or reason. Those are the times I just kind of shrug my shoulders because I don't really have an answer either.

 

[MotherOfBoys]

What we get questioned about is stuff I've read to him. He might make connections from the sources but the base was put there by reading it. I'm not going into depth when people question I'm just giving them a quick answer.

[Korrale]

So then is the consensus that if kids have access to a computer and observe family/friends using one, that they will naturally develop competency in IT. No encouragement or assignments required. That would definitely simplify my planning!

 

Perhaps the only thing that needs to be modelled with intent is computer hygiene like virus checks, backups, defrag, etc.

I am not sure it really matters what answer is given. Some people are going to be offended no matter what. Some may judge and assume that one is hothousing if a parent claims the child just read a lot. Others will be insecure and feel that they are doing something wrong.

If one is to say that their kid is born that way, parents will be upset that theirs is not. There seems to be a no win situation.

 

To be honest, I know more mothers in real life that claim that their (seemingly average) child is gifted (more often they say a genius) once their infant or toddler meets a certain developmental milestone. Walking at 10 months? Genius! Taking in sentences at 2? Genius. Knows colors, shapes, letters and numbers by 3? Genius! More often than not it is things that are within developmental norms. But I am never going to burst a parent's pride bubble. Let them rejoice. I will cheer them on.

All little people may not be gifted. But they sure should be celebrated for being who they are.

[quark]

I just wanted to add that I try not to overthink what to say because sometimes, the questions can be so unexpected that any rehearsed answer might just slip out of my mind. If people are interested or care they will be patient. They will try to give you the benefit of the doubt. If they aren't and want to judge you, like a pp said, they'll judge you anyway. I've kicked myself a few times for saying things and processed it only afterwards in the car or in the shower and have felt terrible and wished I had said something else, but it is usually only me who is even concerned about it at all.

[Dmmetler]

dmmetler, to me, your DD is the poster child of asynchronous profoundly gifted. I was talking to my husband a few months ago about the concept, and he didn't understand. (We are still figuring out our DD) I said, "Finally learning to tie your shoes so that you don't have to ask the college kids on the field trip." It was the perfect example. (At least I think that was your DD. Sometimes I get posters mixed up)

Yes, that's my DD-able at age 8 to be part of a college research team, but not able to tie her hiking boots :)-she figured it out once there was a need, though.

[urthmama]

I don't say gifted - it causes a lot of distance and eye-rolling and things like that- haha.  One of the MOST freeing things for me about homeschooling is not having to worry about my child's place in school relative to other children her age.  It has been a huge relief - because even in that situation, there is that feeling of:  just HOW gifted is your child?  Gifted, HG, PG...or just bright?

 

I always just say that we homeschool to her level.  That's all they need to know!  When DD7 was very little, there were a lot more noticeable differences with kids her same age (she is hyperlexic)- so that was sometimes awkward bc other parents would say:  why can't MY kid do that?!

 

But now - it's just not such an issue bc her extracurriculars are things like swim team, theatre class, etc.  Most of her fellow students in these classes can read, talk, write, etc. - and they usually discuss things like swimming, theatre, etc.  Occasionally, we'll have someone over and they'll see what she's studying for homeschool - and then that usually leads to some big raised eyebrows - but at this point, most of the people who know my kids know what they are like and I try to really downplay any competition.  My DH doesn't want me to post about our kids' school stuff or EVER use the word gifted on my blog - so I respect that.  

 

Right now, we focus on interest-led learning, and working hard...more about effort and less about outcome.  I find this works well for us because when I talk to people, I will say:  she is working hard on her math or she is writing a book - but I will never elaborate on the level of math or the nature of the book (or how many she's writing!)  - haha. 

 

Maybe I should be more "out" with the kids' abilities but I find that most often, I never really need to say anything bc people figure it out pretty quickly.  And like PP mentioned, all kids have their strengths/weaknesses - DD can read college-level at age 7, but if you ask her to find her shoes, it  could take an hour and lead to a meltdown.  Haha.

[Dicentra]

A random pondering...

 

I realize this is the Accelerated Board. :)  Do you think some equate "gifted" with "accelerated" and others do not?  Do you think this happens IRL, as well?  Do you suppose that could be part of the misunderstanding between individuals?  For me, gifted doesn't always mean accelerated and accelerated doesn't always mean gifted but maybe others think about the two terms in a different way than I do and I just don't realize it.

 

Forgive me if this has been discussed before and I missed it.  I was just sitting here working on my course lesson plans for the fall (I get to teach more chem courses at the college - yeah! :) ) and was letting my mind wander while I plan.

[MBM]

I agree with Carole Dweck that certain kinds of well-meaning praise can be crippling instead of helpful. Her book Mindset and articles online explain her ideas well.

 

IMO, the messages and labels that children grow up hearing -- especially subtle ones -- can have a tremendous effect for years, for better or for worse. David Yeager's work in this area is fascinating.

[SKL]

[responding to Dicentra's question]

 

I think most gifted kids are accelerated (informally if not formally), and most accelerated kids are at least bright.  So I could see the line blurring.

 

I think this board is for both categories, and probably "accelerated" was felt to be a more inclusive term than "gifted."  That's my impression, anyway.

 

But when I see the word "hothoused" in threads like this one, I start to wonder.

 

My kids are both grade accelerated, but only one is gifted.  That said, I don't hang out much here any more, because my gifted kid is not willing to do much beyond what the school assigns, and my average kid is pretty saturated just keeping up with her class work.

[Arcadia]

For me, gifted doesn't always mean accelerated and accelerated doesn't always mean gifted...

I think it's because if the person like to compare, academic achievements is the easiest to quantify. How about gifted golfers or actresses or dancers or chefs? It is hard to quantify.

My cousins all got through college without studying so I'm assuming they are decently bright. Yet none of them are interested in academic acceleration preferring to spend their after school time expanding the family businesses or other areas. Maybe they are "gifted" with strong business acumen :D

[AMJ]

You would have cracked up this weekend. My brother was telling me how wrong we are in our educational approach bc my younger kids are being educated like the dark ages. Now the argument is that kids in k-5 should not be using paper and pencil but doing everything on the computer and that they should not study math facts and only use calculators bc technology is the answer to everything. My kids are apparently going to be the ones living in the slums bc they are going to be technological idiots. I just looked at him and told him that technology is a tool. Kids learning via his approach will be dependent on the tool. My kids know the answers without requiring the technology and will be simply using the tools the way they are meant to be used......to make what they already know more efficient. I would rather my child control the toll than the tool be their only way of functioning.

 

I prefer your way.  His way sets the children up for repetitive stress injuries at a very young age.  I've dealt with RSIs myself, and had young coworkers starting their careers already crippled with RSIs.  And they were only using gaming consoles and computers since high school, not since Kindergarten.

 

People who push technology on young kids pretty much never stop to consider RSIs or good ergonomics.  They certainly never teach good ergonomics to the kids.

[Dana]

I just wanted to say thank you for this thread. I lurk quite a bit but have always been afraid to post here in the accelerated forum. I don't know that ds is gifted. He is not really accelerated although I think maybe he should be and I am holding him back. I want to meet him where he is at, but am not sure exactly where that is. Anyway...this thread made me feel like I could hang out here once in a while and I appreciate that.

 

More on topic, I have never really thought much about the term gifted. Growing up, it was not being called gifted that bothered me, it was BEING gifted and all that went with it that was sometimes hard. DS had evaluations a couple of weeks ago and part of that was an IQ test. We find out the results next week. If he is is gifted, I am not telling him. I'm not telling anyone. In fact, I do not even know that I want to know his score.

For me, the IQ report was helpful. The numbers were less useful, but the report talked about how he'd answered some questions and how he was thinking. I hope you'll find some use from your son's report.

[Laura Corin]

So if you don't like the term "gifted", what do you use when adults ask you why your kids can do something or know something? When your kids are consistently recognized instantly by other adults as outliers, what do you say? He just likes to study X, Y, Z doesn't always cut it as a response when it is an innate ability or skill. Those can be awkward moments too and I just don't know what to say when that happens. I don't really have an explanation myself other than, that is who he is.

 

Can you give me an example?  The 'likes' has always worked for me:  'He's really good at basketball, isn't he?'  'He really likes to play...'  I'm sure that it is recognised by the other adult as a polite cop-out, but that's fine.

 

L

[mamabear2three]

I've found this conversation really interesting. For me, I always heard the word gifted as "IQ above a certain number", and not taken mention of the word to be anything other than a factual statement. I have recently been stumbling around blindly in the gifted world, as I came to learn that my daughter is not average (well, and myself... that was helpful to realize, that my brain just doesn't work the same way as an average person) ... it's been a tough transition for me because I am realizing that I don't know what average is, and then when I share something with a friend and get angry or jealous reactions I come away kind of confused.

 

I mean come on, reading a novel at age 5 can't be that unusual, can it? :huh: I still have to giggle at the conversation I had with my husband about all the developmental milestone lists available online - I mean, come on, they all underestimate what children can do... don't they?? 

 

Right now I can recover the conversation through her writing, though, because she's average or below average in her fine motor skills (never mind she's spelling words aloud to tell us what she wants... just look at her handwriting!) When in a conversation about our kids favorite books, I am careful to choose the picture books that she reads to her sister and just let the parents assume that I'm actually reading them... "oh yes, my child loves that book too!" 

 

I am kind of scared by the knowing smile and nod from the pediatrician when I mention the types of things she does/comprehends... and then her cryptic "testing will tell you a lot of interesting information, I think" 

 

But I just really don't get why "giftedness" has to be such a hot button topic! Why should I have to hide my child's accomplishments in order to avoid offending someone else? I don't want to brag, and I don't want to offend anyone, but it makes me sad to watch my daughter ask her Sunday school teacher to read the directions to her just so her friends won't find out that she can read. She's already figured out at age 6 that being "different" than her peers is not a good thing. :sad: 

[TracyP]

I grew up in a place where gifted was synonymous with prodigy or genius. If the term gifted was used, it would make one think of Mozart or Doogie Howser.  :laugh: Knowing what I know now, I would bet that my entire paternal family is gifted - but none of them would own that label. They just sit around frustrated that nobody else "gets it" when they explain the simplest things. :001_rolleyes: Even though I am now living in a place where gifted has a more traditional meaning, I feel like a fraud when I use the word.

 

However, I don't think there is anything you can say that is guaranteed to not offend. Some find it rude to hear that a kid is gifted. Some find it bragging when you state objective facts about achievements. It is a lose, lose. I try not to care what others think. Some people get touchy when others "brag" about their sports achievements, yet I don't know anybody who plays down their sports achievements. They don't assume it is their job to protect the sensitive feelings of those around them. I would like to be this way too, but it is hard.

 

A couple weeks ago, I was being questioned by someone whose child is the same age as my oldest. He was surprised to find out I am planning to homeschool high school. I try to stay away from this stuff, but I finally blurted out, "Well, she is ready to start Algebra next year and the local hs doesn't offer it until 8th." After I saw the look on his face, I threw in, "And K (a different kid) struggles to work at grade level, so ps isn't a good fit for my kids." (While I am not embarrassed of any of my children, I do hate using one child's weaknesses to downplay the strengths of another. Alas, I did it anyway. :( ) Even though it wasn't  my intention, I know I upset him. If I was more comfortable with 'gifted', I could have simply said, "J's giftedness makes public school a bad fit." That is what I *wanted* to say, but I couldn't make myself use the word. Looking back, I think it would have gone over better.

 

I simply wish that 'gifted' meant the same thing to everyone. For me, it would make using the word much easier.

[shawthorne44]

....I mean come on, reading a novel at age 5 can't be that unusual, can it? :huh: I still have to giggle at the conversation I had with my husband about all the developmental milestone lists available online - I mean, come on, they all underestimate what children can do... don't they?? ....

 

 

I have a real problem with those milestone charts.  As a new mother, I think I memorized the "What to expect for the first year book".  And, then the milestone charts got wonky.  It wasn't my kid's development being wonky, it was the chart's (nods head to convince you)

 

But, I think that each chart should be listed two different ways.  Once, by age, the way they all are.  Also, another list ordered by milestone.  Often I didn't even know what the smaller milestones even were.  Crawling, walking, number of words.  I knew those.  But, throwing overhanded?  I was worried that my child was behind and had started to research OT.  Then I started to notice that some of her age milestones, she'd been doing for a year.  But, because of how the charts were organized all I'd known was the ones where she was about right, and the ones she was behind in.  

[MaeFlowers]

I have a real problem with those milestone charts. As a new mother, I think I memorized the "What to expect for the first year book". And, then the milestone charts got wonky. It wasn't my kid's development being wonky, it was the chart's (nods head to convince you)

 

But, I think that each chart should be listed two different ways. Once, by age, the way they all are. Also, another list ordered by milestone. Often I didn't even know what the smaller milestones even were. Crawling, walking, number of words. I knew those. But, throwing overhanded? I was worried that my child was behind and had started to research OT. Then I started to notice that some of her age milestones, she'd been doing for a year. But, because of how the charts were organized all I'd known was the ones where she was about right, and the ones she was behind in.

I agree with you about these charts. I think they are nothing more than a guideline and mean nothing in terms of determining whether or not a child is gifted. These charts may say what is typical or normal, but I personally believe there is no generalized normal, just a normal for each child. I hope I am making sense.

[MaeFlowers]

nm

[Korrale]

The milestone charts are avergages. They don't cover the within normal range advanced or delayed children. They are used to asses children for developmental delays, not for giftedness. Being ahead on the charts means very little in the grand scheme of things. Being significantly behind in 1 or 2 things, or mildly behind in many things is generally a cause for concern (though that is not always the case) and early intervention can be extremely beneficial.

My son qualified for early intervention due to speech and social delay, failure to thrive, oxygen deprivation and extremely low APGAR score at birth. It was almost a certainly that he would have some Mount of mental retardation.

4.5 years later he is excelling, in pretty much all areas except social. I really can't confirm gifted or not. I doubt we will ever need to test. I just make sure I try and bolster his weaknesses to make him well rounded. But he is is who he is. And I love him for who he is.

 

I think that is my response from now on when people say something to me. I will just smile and say, "oh he is just James."

[Woodland Mist Academy]

 But he is is who he is. And I love him for who he is.

 

 

 

:001_wub:

[Arcadia]

I mean come on, reading a novel at age 5 can't be that unusual, can it? :huh:

Kids can go to an academic style preschool at 3 and still not be able to read at 5. Knowing their phonics is possible after two years of preschool.

 

Reading a novel at 5 isn't a realistic milestone in general unless you are talking about imposing reading intervention programs for the majority of pre-K children.

[Korrale]

Does anyone have any idea how I was able to quote from apn entirely different thread in here? I am perplexed.

 

See post #173.

[mamabear2three]

Kids can go to an academic style preschool at 3 and still not be able to read at 5. Knowing their phonics is possible after two years of preschool.

 

Reading a novel at 5 isn't a realistic milestone in general unless you are talking about imposing reading intervention programs for the majority of pre-K children.

 

Yeah, I get this - I was just illustrating my point of not knowing what average should be. With nothing to base it on, I assumed that my children would learn on a "normal" growth curve. 

 

When my friends would talk about how well their children were reading, I didn't know how they measured "good". I kind of thought reading was a little like learning to ride a bike - you run along with training wheels for a while (sounding words out slowly) then you learn to balance and off you go, obviously stumbling some and taking a bit of time to learn but in general you take off pretty fast. That's kind of how my daughter learned to read - so when by mid year she took off and went from being able to sound out basic level 1 and 2 readers to being able to just read, I thought it was normal. 

[Arcadia]

When my friends would talk about how well their children were reading, I didn't know how they measured "good".

In schools, public and some private, there are reading tests. My kids reading test scores are in their school report card.

Even if your friends children are homeschooled, some could compare based on the reading level (grade level equivalent) of the books their children are reading.

 

e.g. of reading level comparison

http://teacher.scholastic.com/products/guidedreading/leveling_chart.htm

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Can you give me an example?  The 'likes' has always worked for me:  'He's really good at basketball, isn't he?'  'He really likes to play...'  I'm sure that it is recognised by the other adult as a polite cop-out, but that's fine.

 

L

I agree. When the other party doesn't accept that phrase, it's more about their manners than about the usefulness of the phrase. You're pretty much telling them that this is how you answer questions about his talent and they should take it as read and move on. Feel free to smile and extricate yourself from the conversation if they don't.

 

I mean, asking "why" a child can do something, or why anyone can do something, is kind of odd and awkward already. "Why can your child sing opera at age 11?" Um, because she can? Fickle finger of fate? I forced her to practice 12 hours per day from birth, is that what you want to hear? What is being asked, here? Not all questions deserve real answers.

 

*Note: the 11yo opera singer is imaginary. I don't have any daughters and my boys do not sing opera.

[lewelma]

I was impressed, Korrale, when I saw it! 

[lewelma]

Just a cultural note, the focus on milestones is definitely an American thing.

[MaeFlowers]

For me, the IQ report was helpful. The numbers were less useful, but the report talked about how he'd answered some questions and how he was thinking. I hope you'll find some use from your son's report.

 

I definitely would love to know how he is thinking. That is why we have done the evaluations. I just don't get how ds thinks. He is so much more like his dh in personality than me and I find myself so lost in trying to figure him out. It's just the number part I really struggle with. I didn't know my own score until I was grown. My dad didn't think I should know it and I understand why. However, when I did find out it messed with my head on some level and I still sometimes struggle with it. I think I have given it waayyyy to much weight in my own self perceptions. I'm scared that I will somehow let it affect my expectations of ds. It makes me feel terrible, awful saying that. 

[Dana]

I definitely would love to know how he is thinking. That is why we have done the evaluations. I just don't get how ds thinks. He is so much more like his dh in personality than me and I find myself so lost in trying to figure him out. It's just the number part I really struggle with. I didn't know my own score until I was grown. My dad didn't think I should know it and I understand why. However, when I did find out it messed with my head on some level and I still sometimes struggle with it. I think I have given it waayyyy to much weight in my own self perceptions. I'm scared that I will somehow let it affect my expectations of ds. It makes me feel terrible, awful saying that.

We didn't give ds the numbers. We did talk about standard deviations though.

 

As long as you're aware of your concerns, I think you'll handle it fine.

And the number is just a number. It's what the kids DO that matters more. I try to stress effort more than ability.

[freerange]

Of course, this might change if I ever encounter a single person IRL that I could discuss te kid with!

 

This is the thing that bothers me most about not having a term that's both widely understood and accepted. If we're all avoiding the g word, it's hard to identify fellow 'g parents' to discuss our kids with! Or to find kids with a similar level of intensity. 

[Erin]

It still wouldn't matter.  "Gifted" covers everything from an IQ of about 120 to 180+ .  

That's an enormous range!

[Dicentra]

It still wouldn't matter.  "Gifted" covers everything from an IQ of about 120 to 180+ .  

That's an enormous range!

 

Wasn't that why they introduced the terms "moderately gifted", "highly gifted", "profoundly gifted", etc.?  And I absolutely agree - that 60+ point range on the IQ scale can make a WORLD of difference.

 

I always use the phrase "his/her brain is wired differently" when describing gifted individuals.  Most of the time, there doesn't seem to be a problem with this phrasing but then some folks can take offense at almost anything. ;)

 

In the book "Gifted Grownups", there was a bit on how gifted individuals recognized other gifted individuals without knowing them personally.  Many gifted individuals said that there was something about the eyes of other gifted individuals that led them to believe the other person was possibly gifted.  I don't know if that rings true for anyone, or for your children, but I thought it was an interesting things to consider.  Has anyone ever met someone and, after only a few introductory exchanges, thought to themselves, "I think that person is gifted."?

[Erin]

I can usually tell within a 10 minute conversation or so at a first meeting whether someone is at least atypically bright.  My husband usually can, too.  

Just the topics discussed, or the interest, or something.  I'm not sure I could describe it, personally.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

Even if the numbers match up, it doesn't mean the experiences will. I've had in person conversations with the mother of a gifted child and discovered we had relatively little in common. It was actually a bit awkward. She had a gifted child that was uninterested in academics. I don't have one of those. :tongue_smilie:

[madteaparty]

In the book "Gifted Grownups", there was a bit on how gifted individuals recognized other gifted individuals without knowing them personally. Many gifted individuals said that there was something about the eyes of other gifted individuals that led them to believe the other person was possibly gifted. I don't know if that rings true for anyone, or for your children, but I thought it was an interesting things to consider. Has anyone ever met someone and, after only a few introductory exchanges, thought to themselves, "I think that person is gifted."?

Do people really think this way? I have never come across the term "gifted adult" in real life. And no one that has struck me as gifted. I've met a few interesting, amusing, charming people though. This is perhaps more of a reflection on me, one of those "well, if you have to ask...type things ;)

[purpleowl]

In the book "Gifted Grownups", there was a bit on how gifted individuals recognized other gifted individuals without knowing them personally.  Many gifted individuals said that there was something about the eyes of other gifted individuals that led them to believe the other person was possibly gifted.  I don't know if that rings true for anyone, or for your children, but I thought it was an interesting things to consider.  Has anyone ever met someone and, after only a few introductory exchanges, thought to themselves, "I think that person is gifted."?

I do this.  I didn't realize others did as well.  I don't know how to describe it beyond the vague "something about the eyes."  

 

ETA: I don't actually check people's IQs to find out if I'm right or not. ;)  But my initial perceptions are often confirmed by continued interaction with the person, that they are at least bright, good thinkers, etc.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

Having trouble finding the words to explain it, so I gave up and deleted. ;)