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What do you do for Fathers' Day when things are kinda crappy with your dad?

cathmom

By cathmom,
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cathmom

cathmom

Posted
Posted

too late to send a card

 

don't want to call, but guess I could with the kids all on the phone and just say, "Happy Fathers' Day" and a few pleasantries and hang up

 

ignore the day completely - I mean, what the hell? about a month ago he spent several hours running me down to my dh about how rude and disrespectful I am

 

?

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Trish

Trish

Posted
Posted

too late to send a card

 

don't want to call, but guess I could with the kids all on the phone and just say, "Happy Fathers' Day" and a few pleasantries and hang up

 

ignore the day completely - I mean, what the hell? about a month ago he spent several hours running me down to my dh about how rude and disrespectful I am

 

?

 

Hours?

 

Eh, why was DH listening to more than 60 seconds of "running you down" from ANYONE, including Dear FIL?

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Catwoman

Catwoman

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Can you send him an e-card?

 

Do you know when he might not be home, so you could call and leave a message? (I know that sounds mean, but it doesn't seem like you want to talk to him!)

 

Otherwise, I like the idea of having the kids call -- and then you can get on the phone and chat for a few minutes, until your dh yells to you that everyone is waiting for you in the car and will you please hurry up!

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Catwoman

Catwoman

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interesting. My father died on father's day the year I was 12. I'm glad my dh is here for my children.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

That's so sad about your father. :(

 

My dad didn't pass away until I was in my 40's and I still thought it was way too soon.

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maize

maize

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Send an email and be done.

 

My family are not big on holidays like this, it just isn't family culture. In the half a lifetime I've lived away from my parents' home I've probably called my dad on father's day three or four times total. Which is more times than he has ever called me for anything! We don't have a bad relationship at all, in fact we all had a wonderful visit with my parents this past spring. But no-one expects birthdays or mother's day/father's day type things to be a big deal. When we see each other we hug and say I love you and mean it, and that seems to be sufficient.

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Dory

Dory

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I'm ignoring the day as far as my Dad is concerned and really hoping he'll do the same. I don't know what to do with it either. If the kids want to I might give him a call, but the idea of it makes me super uncomfortable. Father's Day is among one of my most hated days. Right up there with Mother's day and birthdays. I just wish none of them existed.

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Alicia64

Alicia64

Posted
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I'm estranged from my dad. He was physically abusive and very critical of me. He started in on one of my sons and I stopped seeing him all together. Picking on me is one thing. Picking on my kid is just plain stupid.

 

Previously he'd been really mean to my sister's child, but my sister semi-let it go.

 

So anyway, I don't see him, don't send a card or an email.

 

The day is for DH -- a real dad.

 

Alley

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cathmom

cathmom

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Hours?

 

Eh, why was DH listening to more than 60 seconds of "running you down" from ANYONE, including Dear FIL?

Because my father is married to his mother, and his mom was in the room, and he was staying at their house with no transportation. They were both telling him how when the kids and I visited last summer, apparently we were all awful and disrespectful and rude. Apparently my children are badly behaved and I don't correct them because I don't care if they're rude to her because all I must do is sit around and run her down behind her back. My dh was a captive audience to two narcissists ruining the last family relationships they have. But it did finally get my dh to admit that his mom has narcissistic tendencies, so that was progress.

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lavender's green

lavender's green

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We ignore.  We've been no-contact for exactly two years because I won't put my kids in an abusive situation, and because I won't divorce DH.  Because obviously I wouldn't be "acting this way," (code for: standing up for myself) if it weren't for DH's evil influence over me. :001_rolleyes:

 

Father's Day is for DH. 

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Spryte

Spryte

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I'd call with the kids.  Think of it as something you're doing for your kids, more than your Dad, if you must.  Maybe send an e-card if he's an emailing guy.  A picture of the kids holding a Happy Father's Day sign would be a bonus.

 

I spent too many years estranged from my Dad.  Way too many.  Now I'm just glad he's back in my life.  

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Luanne

Luanne

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My daughter sent her last Father's Day card a couple of years ago.  He father hasn't really paid attention to her since she was 2.  My father passed away on May 22 (this year) so we just celebrated with my mother, sister, and my daughter and myself.  My mother also talked with my brothers on the phone today.  It was the best we could do. 

 

Sometimes fathers (like my daughters) deserve to be ignored on Father's Day.  Maybe that is rude for me to say, but it wasn't exactly not rude for him to abandon her when she was only 2.

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Guest

Guest

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I would celebrate my kids' father and not worry about my own. 

 

Amen.  I m celebrating my brothers and husband.  My "father" doesn't deserve the honor, so I stopped giving it.

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theYoungerMrsWarde

theYoungerMrsWarde

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My parents are in prison for child abuse. Even though I now have a good relationship with my repentant mother, I still don't send a card. She didn't raise me, she has completely failed as a mother, I'm not celebrating that aspect of her personhood. (No contact with my father, so it's a non issue.)

 

The grandparents who tried to raise me, sometimes I remember to call, sometimes I don't. But even when my grandfather was alive, I didn't call him because at best he was a clueless, disengage d jerk; at worse he was emotionally abusive. I didn't owe him anything.

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Dory

Dory

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In an effort to pretend all was normal, I did a short and to the point phone call. I didn't even say happy fathers day, I just said, "Hey wanted to call since it's fathers day and say hi." We made it through maybe two sentences after that and said our goodbyes.

 

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cathmom

cathmom

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I just didn't do anything. There was never really a good time to call with the kids because I went out to lunch with a friend, didn't get back until 4, then took a nap from like 5-7, then we had my husband's Fathers' Day meal, and then we watched Three Men and a Baby.

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