Trying to decide about going back to work

[Mandylubug]

We have survived on one income since DH left the Army in 2011. At times we had the gi bill housing stipend to help but now, we are living paycheck to paycheck. No savings. DH has been able to get overtime. However, on paper the arrangement doesn't work without overtime. We are in the "red" with our bills vs income without him working extra.

 

This arrangement works typically for us. We feel like we are making a purposeful sacrifice for our kids. One ADHD, 2 dyslexics and one son that struggles as well, just not as much as the others. They need to be homeschooled to thrive.

 

I could go back to work full time and still homeschool due to DHs schedule. The only cons are 2 days a week, the kids would need to be alone for 4hrs. They are aged 9, 9, 11 and 12.There is a retired neighbor that is like family to us and would be available in emergencies. I would only be 30 mins away.

 

Also, DH is anti me working due to the fact that he wants to be able to pick up and go any time he wishes, no work approval required. Also he doesn't want major wear on my vehicle. We have no payments and don't want payments. Both vehicles are 8 years old now, though and we aren't able to save for our next ones.

 

I would just like to breathe. Have savings and be able to spend that extra 20 dollars if i want to sounds lovely. I feel like we are in an unhealthy place financially. In an ideal world, I wouldn't need to work but I feel guilty being home knowing I have a skill (dental assisting) that can bring in extra income. Our air conditioner died last night. We will have that extra expense on top of my speeding ticket, DHs work keeps getting his pay wrong and I am just on the verge of tears. DH says to just have faith it'll all work out like it has for the past 3 years.

[almondbutterandjelly]

Twice a week alone for 4 hours is not that big of a deal, especially with the ages of your kids.  However, if DH is opposed, then DH is opposed.  

 

How reliable is the overtime?  Could you just work part time?  

 

The main thing is getting your husband on board, if working is something you really want to do.  If you are religious, pray about it.  Listen for direction.  Best wishes!  

[Kim in Appalachia]

:grouphug:

 

I don't know whether or not you should go back to work.  That is a difficult decision.  But I do have a few thoughts based on what you wrote. 

 

Your kids are in are soon heading into the middle school/high school years.  It get busier with older kids.  Schooling also becomes, in some ways more demanding.  Yes, the kids become more independent, but the subject matter becomes more complex.

 

It would also be hard because your dh would not really be supportive.  

 

On the flip side, I think your dh is being unrealistic.  Is he looking for a better paying job?  Is his plan to always exist on overtime?  You need to be able to replace your vehicles at some point and be able to meet emergency expensives.

 

Your skill would allow you do make decent money with controlled hours, maybe even something part time.  I know I would be very tempted to go back to work in your shoes.  

 

Could you find something part time?  

 

I think I would probably take a chance and work, and see how it worked out at home.  Maybe give it a year, and see how the kids and your dh are handling it.  You don't have to see it as a permanent thing, just see how it works.  If you start something over the summer it could give everyone time to adjust to the schedule.

 

Good luck with your decision.  I hope it all works out. :grouphug:  

[Mandylubug]

In regards to DHs pay. It nearly doubles in 3 years with his seniority. It is good money. He says hang in 3 more years and we will be fine. He is very handy. He'll repair our vehicles if they break down. He'll repair our ac once we can afford the parts....just trying to have faith I suppose. We've made it 3 years. What's three more?

 

I've considered part time as well... he's quite against me working because he'd rather kill himself trying than me have to work and kids suffer homeschool wise.

[DawnM]

I don't know how active you are outside the home in terms of extra-curricular activities.

 

When I worked 2/3 time and homeschooled, I found that the time I was home, we were cramming in school and I didn't have time for the fun stuff.

 

It got old for the kids and wasn't working well for us so I stayed home.

 

However, if I HAD to work, I would.

 

I am going to ask this and please don't take this in any way other than a question.......have you cut back to absolutely bare bones and tried to find areas where maybe you could still cut?  We redo our budget every once in a while and find things we really don't need and put them in the "want" category and see if we can do without or do with less of it.

 

In fact, we need to do it yet again very soon.  We have gotten a bit lax.  I used to write down every single item in a program called YNAB and I really need to get back in the habit, but after my computer crashed and I lost all the data, I just never got back to it.

 

I can live on a shoestring if I have to in terms of things and food.  I cannot change health care costs, insurance costs, that sort of thing......I DO NOT prefer to live with less, but I can.

 

Dawn

[TCB]

If you absolutely have to work then I think it is possible to work most things out. But my experience with working and homeschooling - don't do it unless you absolutely have to.

[Mandylubug]

Well we do have some wants. Extra t.v. channels, cell phones with data etc... we could cut back some but not drastic.

[TCB]

Well we do have some wants. Extra t.v. channels, cell phones with data etc... we could cut back some but not drastic.

 

I do work and homeschool. Fortunately I have been able to reduce my hours of work in the last few months. I fairly often feel that I am doing nothing well. I know the grass is always greener on the other side, but I would love to be able to turn my full attention to homeschooling and maybe feel like I am doing it as well as I possibly can, not perfectly of course. Everyone is different, but I personally would not do it for the things you listed.

[OneStepAtATime]

I work from home and homeschool.  It isn't easy and I don't even have to leave the house.  Being away would be harder, obviously.  But it sounds like this is really weighing on you.  And if you are living pay check to pay check then if something were to happen you might be in real trouble.  Could you and DH take the short view, just try this out for a year to save up a bit, ease the financial load then reassess for next year?  Or do part time like others have said, but with just a shorter term in mind so it doesn't feel so permanent?

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[fairfarmhand]

I love trial periods. See if your dh will agree to a 1 yr trial period. I agree that financially, your plan is not sustainable. One illness, car wreck, or major house repair can make things stressful and difficult.

 

Could you work part time?

 

I work from home, part time. Don't make tons but several hundred dollars per month makes a difference. I do feel rather stretched at times.

 

Remember though that working will add its own stress and expenses. Gas money, tires, and auto repairs, food expenses will in all likelihood go up (too tired to cook, clip coupons, or bargain shop) clothing allowances will need to be expanded (good supportive shoes because you are on your feet all day should be a priority) and you may need to budget a little more for easier to use, streamlined curriculum for the kids.

 

One goal for the summer is just to make enough to buy an automated math program for my middle school dd. I get behind on grading math papers and that is just not fair to her.

[Catwoman]

I know you say you can go back to work and still homeschool, but is that a realistic, long term thing you can manage?

 

Homeschooling four children is a full time job in itself. Can you really work at a full time job as a dental assistant and then come home to your second full time job of homeschooling, and then do your other full time job of cooking, taking care of the house, doing the laundry, grocery shopping, running errands, etc?

 

I'm not saying it isn't possible, but even though you say it will "only" be for 3 years, that's a very, very long time when you're exhausted and stressed.

 

If you said it was a 10-hour a week part time job that was 5 minutes from your house, I would say you should give it a try, but this is full time, plus an hour commute each day.

 

Honestly, I don't think it's a good idea, and that's not even considering the issue of whether or not you want to leave 4 kids at home alone for 4 hours a few days a week.

 

I'm just worried that you will be exhausted and burned out in a month. It seems like you will be stretched way too thin.

[LucyStoner]

Also, DH is anti me working due to the fact that he wants to be able to pick up and go any time he wishes, no work approval required.

 

What does this mean?  Go where?  Move for his job, what? 

 

I think there is a middle way here between you working fulltime (which I think would be too difficult with 4 homeschooled kids honestly) and continuing on the financial crash course you are on.  I would consider part-time work.  It sounds like even just a little extra money would make a huge difference and the money you make per hour as a hygenist isn't minimum wage. 

[Mandylubug]

What does this mean? Go where? Move for his job, what?

 

I think there is a middle way here between you working fulltime (which I think would be too difficult with 4 homeschooled kids honestly) and continuing on the financial crash course you are on. I would consider part-time work. It sounds like even just a little extra money would make a huge difference and the money you make per hour as a hygenist isn't minimum wage.

Sorry. I will clarify. He works for an airline so we have free flying privileges. It enables us to do very cheap day trips if we so choose. He likes to be spontaneous and decide the day of to fly somewhere. Flying on standby prevents us from being super rigid in travel dates.

 

I like to do these activities too, naturally. I have considered working part-time but he feels since his time and a half is more money than what my hourly would be if I worked part-time, he'd rather sacrifice and work more.

[LucyStoner]

Sorry. I will clarify. He works for an airline so we have free flying privileges. It enables us to do very cheap day trips if we so choose. He likes to be spontaneous and decide the day of to fly somewhere. Flying on standby prevents us from being super rigid in travel dates.

 

I like to do these activities too, naturally. I have considered working part-time but he feels since his time and a half is more money than what my hourly would be if I worked part-time, he'd rather sacrifice and work more.

Ok, that makes more sense. And it sounds like it is a family thing rather than a him thing. That's a great benefit.

 

Still, there's a limit to how much overtime he can do, as you well know.

 

I don't think that because your hourly is less than his overtime that means you shouldn't work PT.

[Catwoman]

Sorry. I will clarify. He works for an airline so we have free flying privileges. It enables us to do very cheap day trips if we so choose. He likes to be spontaneous and decide the day of to fly somewhere. Flying on standby prevents us from being super rigid in travel dates.

 

I like to do these activities too, naturally. I have considered working part-time but he feels since his time and a half is more money than what my hourly would be if I worked part-time, he'd rather sacrifice and work more.

If that's the case, your dh may be right.

[DawnM]

Then you have to ask yourself, "Do I want this or do I want to have to work outside the home right now for it?"

 

I will just relay my story, you can choose to completely ignore it as I am not trying to preach in any way, just some things to think about.

 

When I stopped working we had to come up with some creative ways to no longer spend so much money.

 

For about 4 to 5 years we did the following:

 

Put ourselves on a STRICT budget that included things like:

$100 max for eating out per month (found as many coupons as we could)

I also bought a $25 backpack cooler and started carrying our snacks and lunches with me!

$250 for gas and if we had spent it we were done for the month

Cut Cable TV completely and get an antenna ($90 savings)

Move to pay as you go phones (saved $100/mo)

Buy everything used as much as we could (clothing, furniture, yard sale specials for toys)

Get our grocery budget to $400/mo including toiletries (used a Budget101.com book to help with how)

Make my own cleaning supplies and use rags rather than disposable towels

No trips to Target "just to look."

 

The one book that helped me more than any other was this one:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Tightwad-Gazette-Amy-Dacyczyn/dp/0375752250/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1402687674&sr=1-1&keywords=tightwad+gazette

 

After cutting about $600 or more from our budget, I felt my new JOB was to keep up the savings, not to go to work to make the money to pay for the extras.

 

Just some ideas.....

 

Well we do have some wants. Extra t.v. channels, cell phones with data etc... we could cut back some but not drastic.

 

[Catwoman]

Then you have to ask yourself, "Do I want this or do I want to have to work outside the home right now for it?"

 

I will just relay my story, you can choose to completely ignore it as I am not trying to preach in any way, just some things to think about.

 

When I stopped working we had to come up with some creative ways to no longer spend so much money.

 

For about 4 to 5 years we did the following:

 

Put ourselves on a STRICT budget that included things like:

$100 max for eating out per month (found as many coupons as we could)

I also bought a $25 backpack cooler and started carrying our snacks and lunches with me!

$250 for gas and if we had spent it we were done for the month

Cut Cable TV completely and get an antenna ($90 savings)

Move to pay as you go phones (saved $100/mo)

Buy everything used as much as we could (clothing, furniture, yard sale specials for toys)

Get our grocery budget to $400/mo including toiletries (used a Budget101.com book to help with how)

Make my own cleaning supplies and use rags rather than disposable towels

No trips to Target "just to look."

 

The one book that helped me more than any other was this one:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Tightwad-Gazette-Amy-Dacyczyn/dp/0375752250/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1402687674&sr=1-1&keywords=tightwad+gazette

 

After cutting about $600 or more from our budget, I felt my new JOB was to keep up the savings, not to go to work to make the money to pay for the extras.

 

Just some ideas.....

I think those are excellent ideas. :hurray:

 

I was also thinking the spur-of-the-moment travel might be fun, but it might also get pricey if they're eating out for 3 meals a day while they're away, and if they do any overnight trips, they have to pay for hotels as well.

 

I have never been in the situation, but if I was, the first thing I'd do is ditch the smart phones and cancel the cable TV. Those two things alone cost hundreds of dollars a month.

[ElizabethB]

Netflix and library for DVDs!

 

:grouphug:

 

Could you do some part time child care or tutoring on an as needed basis, not long term scheduled things but short term at your discretion to say yes or no? Or, I tutor as a volunteer but I like to meet with them twice a week for a month or two, with the methods on my how to tutor page I usually get them up to grade level in a month or two, then they are done.

[Reefgazer]

Is part-time an option here?

 

If you really want to work, I don't think leaving the kids at those ages for 4 hours will be harmful.  If DH is still not on-board, could you hire a mom's helper for those few hours and ease DH's worry that way.  Although, I think the full-time arrangement would be taxing on anyone.  Also, it does appear DH has some very sound, un-selfish reasons for wanting the arrangement to stay as it is.

[Reefgazer]

Are your reasons for homeschooling just money, or do you have other personal reasons, as well?  If it's just money, I'd be inclined to hang on; if it's other reasons also, then that changes the scenario.

In regards to DHs pay. It nearly doubles in 3 years with his seniority. It is good money. He says hang in 3 more years and we will be fine. He is very handy. He'll repair our vehicles if they break down. He'll repair our ac once we can afford the parts....just trying to have faith I suppose. We've made it 3 years. What's three more?

I've considered part time as well... he's quite against me working because he'd rather kill himself trying than me have to work and kids suffer homeschool wise.

 

[Mandylubug]

Reasons for homeschooling or did you mean working?

 

We homeschool for our children's wellbeing and the ability to see their father daily since his shift is unconventional.

 

Reasons for considering work is only to give extra money to tide us over until we no longer need it.

 

DH doesn't care if I truly want to work or decide homeschooling isn't working anymore but his opinion is it is better ideally if I am home. I agree as well. Ideally I wouldn't seek out employment. I'm content.

 

Just stressed financially.

[Mandylubug]

Is part-time an option here?

 

If you really want to work, I don't think leaving the kids at those ages for 4 hours will be harmful. If DH is still not on-board, could you hire a mom's helper for those few hours and ease DH's worry that way. Although, I think the full-time arrangement would be taxing on anyone. Also, it does appear DH has some very sound, un-selfish reasons for wanting the arrangement to stay as it is.

He is very unselfish and only wants what's best for all included. He is definitely more than willing to work harder so we can stay as is. I suppose the three years has just taxed me. We will make it as typical. We do have extras some months. We are just in a dry spell with extras upon extras adding up.

[Mandylubug]

Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions! I think I'm just tired!

[KungFuPanda]

I say go for it. Try part-time for a while and see how it works for your family. Your kids are old enough that your DH should be able to pull off a spur-of-the-moment day trip without you. I'm sure you and the kids have done occasional field trips without him. This is no different. Everyone will be fine and you'll have something to talk about later. I find conversation changes when you don't experience the exact same day as the rest of the family. It can be refreshing.

 

Your kids are old enough to do some independent work. College is around the corner. The stress of worrying about finances might be worse than the stress of working. Who knows . . . you may love it, and then everyone wins. Your DH is either being noble or controlling or both, but it's not like you're planning to join the French Foreign Legion and can't quit if it's a disaster. It's not necessary for him to work so hard he never sees his family any more than it's necessary for you to spend every second with them.

[Catwoman]

He is very unselfish and only wants what's best for all included. He is definitely more than willing to work harder so we can stay as is. I suppose the three years has just taxed me. We will make it as typical. We do have extras some months. We are just in a dry spell with extras upon extras adding up.

I can definitely understand your frustration with the financial situation, and I'm sure you're feeling kind of helpless about the whole thing because you want to earn some money, but it seems as though there are several obstacles involved.

 

All things considered, I think you should try to "earn" money by saving money in as many ways as you can, whether it's from not eating out, cutting back on things like cable and smart phones, clipping coupons and buying on sale, only using the air conditioner when it's absolutely necessary, and shopping thrift stores and yard sales for clothing, toys, and games.

 

But... don't just do it. Make a game of it. Give yourself a challenge and see if you can meet it. Write down every penny you save and see how much it adds up by the end of the month. It's amazing how much money you can spend without paying attention to it, but when you stop spending it, most of the time you don't miss it anyway, and it's so encouraging to see the "saved" numbers getting higher.

 

I really think that's your best bet right now.

[LucyStoner]

What about working short term to build up a cushion? Don't think of it as extra money to spend, just padding for when you are staying home again and his overtime is cutback or the AC breaks. Then if it goes well and you continue, great. If it is horrible, great but you have a best egg when you stay home.

[shanvan]

 

After cutting about $600 or more from our budget, I felt my new JOB was to keep up the savings, not to go to work to make the money to pay for the extras.

 

Just some ideas.....

Yup!  It sounds odd, but I'm holding off on getting a job for pay precisely b/c of this.  If I go to work I will not have the time and energy to keep up on all the money saving I do currently.  With what I would make, it would end up not paying.

[AK_Mom4]

How about working contract? Our dentist office is very busy and brings in contract help when one of the hygenists or assistants is going on vacation or maternity leave. Working a couple of weeks here and there would get you a bit of a cushion money-wise but still leave you free to vacation and keep things going on the homeschool front.

[ThisIsTheDay]

 

I've considered part time as well... he's quite against me working because he'd rather kill himself trying than me have to work and kids suffer homeschool wise.

 

I've worked part time for six years.  I was a very hands on homeschooler.  My kids' schooling definitely suffered as a result of me working, and I only have two kids.  I know some people do it, but I just know my own experience.

 

There are nights or days "off" that I can keep it all together, I just can't do it consistently, every single week, and still have time for our regular lives.

[Mandylubug]

We've agreed to look at bills and cut back where we can. We are already super frugal on groceries. We will see what we can do from this end atleast to get an emergency cushion built up.

[Tiramisu]

Yup!  It sounds odd, but I'm holding off on getting a job for pay precisely b/c of this.  If I go to work I will not have the time and energy to keep up on all the money saving I do currently.  With what I would make, it would end up not paying.

 

This is such a good point. Getting a job, I'd have to worry about the gas and the mileage on the car. I'd very honestly need a new wardrobe and there would be pressure to get my hair cut more than once a year. I'd be so exhausted, I'd buy more for convenience, and I'm sure the quality of our homeschooling would go right down the drain. If it were me, the kids might be physically alone for four hours a week but due to the physical and emotional overload I'd feel, I would be mentally absent even for the times I was physically present. 

 

I don't want to discourage Mandybug, but this is something I've been thinking of a lot about working lately and maybe I just needed the chance to just go through the reasons again for myself.

 

If I were Mandybug, I'd hold out for three years. As my kids have grown, I am able to provide them with a lot of opportunities that have motivated them for their education and gave them great experience that will help them as they pursue their careers. In our case, dh's income will never go up, and our income level is half our town's average, but we're still plugging along, leading a very simple life.

[lmrich]

Think out of the box. Dog walking, pet sitting, tutoring, after school care - run a one day a week after school science club or chess club... It all adds up. My son teaches chess, charges $5 a kid and usually has 10-12 kids. He is trying to expand to two more schools. He is just 17. I started a cotillion club with a friend. We hired a dance instructor, decorate our clubhouse, make snacks, teach manners etc.. $150 a month for income. It can be a lot of work, but it is fun and is only once a month. You can only cut so much from a budget. I can stretch my extra income along with budget cuts really far.

[fairfarmhand]

One thing you may want to think about OP, is that your dh looks at the budget and goes, Well if there's an emergency, I'll just work more. He may need to be reminded that with no emergency fund, if he gets injured or sick and can't work, there's nothing to help you out. I fret a bit more over finances than my dh because I see all the possibilities. Also, I don't want to be put in the position of having to scramble if something were to happen to him. Then, instead of taking my time to be hired at a pleasant workplace, I'm taking the very first job I can find.

[TrixieB]

How about working contract? Our dentist office is very busy and brings in contract help when one of the hygenists or assistants is going on vacation or maternity leave. Working a couple of weeks here and there would get you a bit of a cushion money-wise but still leave you free to vacation and keep things going on the homeschool front.

 

I really like this idea.

 

[Mandylubug]

While I would say "yes contract would be ideal!" I will admit to being prone to not commit. The phone would ring and since I get to choose if I'm available or not, I'd probably ignore it.

 

I'm a confused introvert. I commonly make plans and then talk myself out of them :p

[ThisIsTheDay]

Mandy, do you have a passion for any kind of sport?  You might consider getting certified as an official.  My ds got a ref certification this year and is hired for middle school games.  He makes $30+ per game, and there were several weeks in which he worked three games per week--and then there were two tournament weekends.  It's an amazing part time job. He posts his availability and once he receives the game/job offer, he has the option to accept or decline.

 

I'd do it in a heartbeat, but I don't have the concentration or interest to focus that hard for one hour.  (I find myself pretty pathetic.)

[Reefgazer]

I meant are there other reasons you want to work besides money?  Like personal fulfillment, more adult contact, to keep up professional skills, etc....  Those things would matter  greatly to me, but if your goal is just money and you are content as you are, I would try to hang on or work part time.

Reasons for homeschooling or did you mean working?

We homeschool for our children's wellbeing and the ability to see their father daily since his shift is unconventional.

Reasons for considering work is only to give extra money to tide us over until we no longer need it.

DH doesn't care if I truly want to work or decide homeschooling isn't working anymore but his opinion is it is better ideally if I am home. I agree as well. Ideally I wouldn't seek out employment. I'm content.

Just stressed financially.

 

[linders]

Mixed thoughts here. The spur-of-the-moment trips sound wonderful (but are they an extra cost in food out, etc?) However, as someone who has experienced many unexpected expenses over time (medical, car, major house repair), I would be a basket case living paycheck to paycheck. In addition, as you DC get older, the expenses in the next 3 years will increase - more advanced curriculum, extracurriculars, and FOOD (I am stunned at how much DS13 eats, and it is all healthy stuff).

 

Back on the no-work side, some kids could tolerate 4 hours away and get things done, but you mentioned your kids have some special needs - would/could those 4 hours be productive?

 

A difficult decision for you! Another vote for looking for part-time.

[Susan C.]

I know dental assistants that work 1-2 days a week and close to home. Another was signed on to a dental assistant temporary agency and could work on a job to job basis. Maybe that would work for you? Even one day a week when your dh was home would get you out of the house and give your finances breathing room.

[Storygirl]

Setting aside the financial side of things (which others have covered), do you feel truly comfortable leaving your children home alone at that age for that length of time?  What time of day would they be alone? Will they need to feed themselves? My children are practically the same ages as yours, and they are not ready. Will they need to do schoolwork unsupervised? Can they manage this (maturity wise?). Will your younger children obey the older one? Mine would not. So even if she could babysit for another family, she could not watch her siblings. I could not do it for that reason alone. They need me here.

 

I'm assuming that you feel comfortable leaving them, but I thought I'd mention that it is something to consider carefully. We have some learning challenges as well, and I'm finding that they need so much more of my time as a teacher, so considering how it will affect your school time is important, too.