How will I survive the next 5 weeks...mommy vent about big kid inside

[Jann in TX]

Background:

My middle dd left yesterday for a 5 week 'travel abroad' program from her university.

Today she and 8 other girls from the same university (none are really 'friends') arrived in Spain.  They are spending the next 5 days exploring Barcelona.

 

These girls are ages 19-21 (with my dd and one other girl 21).  None have traveled before.  All have taken advanced Spanish courses but only 1 is reasonably fluent.  These girls have NO CLUE what they are getting into...

 

This is my high-need child (multiple health issues plus major anxiety issues).  She was forced into the travel abroad program as it is the only way to earn the (prerequisite) credits she needs in order to graduate next spring (English major Spanish minor).  She thought she was prepared --but she REFUSED to do any research before she left. She refused to even discuss the trip with me or DH-- we both travel internationally.

 

DD messaged me today.  She has not sept for 2 days (could not sleep the night before she left and did not get to sleep on the plane).  The girl who made the hostel arrangements neglected to tell the other girls that she switched them to a 'mixed' room...so dd was NOT happy to find a man (upper 20s) in the bunk next to hers!  DD is freaking out and is obviously having a major anxiety attack.  Tonight the other girls plan to go bar-hopping-- dd does not drink (can't due to some of her meds) but now she is panicking about babysitting 8 drunk girls in a city she does not know...

 

No support there (they will have a university mentor starting next week).  She does have internet and her Ipad. 

 

At least she brought along the Rick Stephen's Guide to Spain so she has some sort of guide book to help her adjust.  This girl (my dd) has NO IDEA where or how to purchase her train ticket to the city she will be staying in the next 4 weeks (she has to report to her host family on Saturday). 

 

She may be 21 but she is NOT independent yet...

 

Hearing from her in a panic is almost worse than not hearing from her at all!

 

It has been 3 hours since her last message...hopefully she settled down.  I'm praying for a reasonably well-adjusted message before I try to sleep tonight! 

 

UGG...

 

Thanks for letting me vent (and for any prayers for my poor baby!).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Anne in CA]

You are right, it would have been better not to know, lol. She WILL be okay. If I were her I would skip the bar hopping and stay at the hostel and let them deal with their own trouble. She may not be all grown up yet, but she will get through this, and you will laugh about it in a few years.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Chris in VA]

She should be able to change her sleeping arrangements. It might mean sleeping without her friends, but maybe some would come with her.

 

Deep breath, Mama.

 

I can't imagine mine traveling internationally--but at least she isn't backpacking her way around the country!

 

She'll figure it out--and she's not alone...I know it feels scary to not be in control of her experience, but you can do this!!

 

Hang in there!!

[Ellie]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Just Another Jen]

Vent away. My oldest has traveled a lot. He doesn't share most of his adventures until he is home and its all over so I don't worry. 

I can tell you that she will be better off staying at the hostel and not babysitting the other girls. Also, the people at the hostel are a great resource they can talk her through buying her train ticket. She will survive and so will you. Hugs.

[jhschool]

She will be fine...the first sign that she is smart and together is

that she contacted you.

 

When I was her age I would never have called my parents to even

talk to or help.  I would muddle through on my own, even though

I had issues and things didn't always turn out great.

 

I think it's great that she contacted you.  You could give her support

and guidance if she calls--or call her?

 

Do suggest she skip the bar.  That might not end well regardless of

issues.  A bunch of drunk young girls attracts the wrong kind of attention.

 

I personally think that she will pull through, figure some stuff out, and

come out triumphant at the other end!

:)

[Lori D.]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

The phrase "baptism by fire" comes to mind -- both for DD AND for you!  :eek:  I know this is scary, but I'll bet DD inherited her mom's "smarts" and she'll get it figured out. :) And when she comes home, she'll have earned a load of experience to give her confidence for the next adventure.

 

Is there any sort of local English-speaking "traveler's aid" organization or missions group she could talk with to give her some ideas for coping?

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Chris in VA]

Oh--I think, if she has wifi available, she can get an app where she types something in English and it will translate and display for her, should she need that to show someone--makes marketing easier.

[Aiden]

Google Translate. It's free. I use it all the time ... it translates the labels on grocery items for me (they could be labeled in any one of five or six languages, none of which I speak, much less read).

 

Seconding the motion for your daughter to skip the bars. Drunk girls attract way too much of the worst possible kind of attention, and your daughter wants none of that.

[catz]

She will be fine.  She will navigate through this and being stronger and more confident in the end.  :grouphug:

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

[Tammyla]

Oh, you poor dears, I'll say prayers for the two of you.

[GinaPagnato]

I'm freaking out for you. I would feel the EXACT same way.

 

But, I agree with what was said above. She will figure out a way to handle things as they come up. She may get shaken up a bit, but she will get through and emerge stronger and smarter.

[Catherine]

Jann, my oldest son left home to spend the year he was 17 in Germany as an exchange student. Yes, he lived with a host family, but he told me later of some scrapes that night have turned out badly if not for "the kindness of strangers". Literally.

 

German kids are encouraged from birth toward a self-sufficiency that is different from us overprotective Americans. Ds told me that the 4th week he was there, his family allowed him to travel alone to Munich, about a 1.5 hour driving distance. They drove 10 miles and dropped him at the train station, gave him a cell phone, and told him to call them in the evening when he returned on the train.

 

AFter spending the day exploring the city, he eventually found his way to the train station. With his last dollars, he bought a ticket, only to find the train that arrived around 9 PM was full. He waited, got on the next train, which would arrive after 11 PM. Very late for a family with young children-plus it's 10 miles from their home. When he got ready to call them, he realized he did not know their phone number. And his phone was dying. Since it was mid-October, it was rather cool at 11 PM and his shorts and t-shirt were insufficient to keep him warm. Despite this, his plan was to walk home from the station. Until he realized he wasn't sure of how to get to their town or their house.

 

Arriving in the station, he discovered he and one other guy were getting off. Fortunately, this young man noticed how lost he looked and asked if he needed help. Ds explained himself, sheepishly!!, and this man very kindly offered him a ride to the host family's street, which was enough for him to find his way home.

 

I'm sure I would have panicked to know this was happening, as it happened. But not only-all's well that ends well, he learned more than one valuable lesson about traveling alone.

 

She will be OK! Next time you hear from her, ask her how she will solve problem XYZ. She probably has some excellent ideas and just needs you to confirm this. ((hugs))

[shawthorne44]

I was in Barcelona when I was the same age.  I wonder if it was the same hostel?  Everything of mine was stolen, but not in the hostel.  I remember falling asleep in the hostel in the 8 bed room and waking up with 14 other people sleeping in the room.  I slept so soundly I had no idea how anyone got there.  

 

Once she gets to the host family everything will be fine.  

 

If it were my daughter, I might consider looking into hostels near where the host family lives.  It sounds like she might do better casually exploring a calmer area on her own than with the party crowd.  

[regentrude]

She'll be fine. Mixed hostel rooms are very common and not a problem. She'll figure things out - it's a first world country. Good luck for your DD - and for you.

If she has internet, she can figure out what to do about the ticket; the Spanish railway company has websites in English.

[PrairieSong]

Years ago our daughter went to India with three other college students. Dd was taking a flight to Chicago where she would then be on the flight with the other three. You know where this is going... Dd's flight sat on the runway burning extra fuel for a hour...so she got to Chicago and missed her flight. She slept on the floor of the chapel at O'Hare and found a flight the next day. This was about a decade ago and cell phones weren't as reliable. I had weird blank voice mails on my land line. But I got emails. The other students emailed me from India telling me what had happened, and our daughter emailed me from Frankfort, Germany. The other students pestered the airline workers trying to get information.

 

Finally, dd arrived...terrified and not knowing how she would find the others. Well, they had found out her flight number and were waiting for her. She cried tears of relief.

 

It all worked out in the end. Your daughter will likely learn some new coping skills in Spain, and she will learn some life lessons, like the value of planning ahead. And...it is only for a few days, right?

 

ETA: sorry, I misread your initial post and mistakenly thought it was just a few days. I see it's for several weeks.

[Susan in TN]

I'm so sorry - it can cause so much anxiety with a child who you know has particular needs...

I will pray that she can keep breathing and thinking clearly and that both of you will get some rest!

 

:grouphug:

[MicheleinMN]

Jann!  Sending good thoughts and prayers to you and your daughter.  Mine did a semester in Spain, and emailed me often about her stress.  (She can still stress me out being 3 hours away, but it was horrific when she was in Spain.)  I actually had my doctor prescribe an anti-anxiety pill for me to take for the time while she was traveling.  

 

And while it is harder on YOU to know her struggles, it is easier on HER, and as a parent I felt it was my job to support and help her...when I would have much rather stuck my head in the sand and not had to know anything.

 

 

[Jann in TX]

Just got a short text that she is in bed-- got another girl to go back to hostel with her at midnight-- other 7 are still out...

A least I know she is ok.  Life should be easier once she gets some sleep!

32 more days to go!

 

 

[Melissa in Australia]

((hugs))

[Lilaclady]

:grouphug: :grouphug: glad she is ok.

[PrairieSong]

I'm glad you heard from her and she is ok! I'm sorry I misread your initial post and thought it was a shorter trip.

 

{{Hugs}}

[73349]

Well, it will indeed be an educational experience if she doesn't believe in planning ahead. ;)  Remember SWB's story of her son's trip to Saudia Arabia? (He neglected to inquire whether his credit card would be accepted there... and it wasn't.)

 

Hugs to you.

[Cammie]

I travelled in India alone at 17.  I'm not sure if sharing all the stories from that time would help you or traumatize you!!  The best thing I can say is that I was safe and everything turned out just fine!!