When you travel to stay with relatives...

[Tess in the Burbs]

We have food allergies.  So yes, we often have a grocery bag of items we need.  However, we don't travel often due to this situation.  

 

But my family does it.  My mom/stepdad bring nuts.  Every time.  My stepdad used to eat them in the car.  But at this point, I would rather he eat them at the table, clean it and wash his hands in my presence so I know he isn't touching ds with peanut hands!  And at Christmas he brought non peanut fudge and peanut fudge.  I gave up being bothered by it.  My mom brings her yogurt brand and soda.  B/c apparently my store doesn't carry these ;-)

 

My inlaws told me all their food issues(by choice to avoid) and I bought all kinds of stuff for them and they showed up with junk food they told me they can't eat......and then went out when they didn't like the food they told me to cook!    I give up and won't bother trying next time to cook what they want.  

 

if there is an allergy in the house I think it's fair to ask these items not to come.  My family didn't listen of course but since ds hasn't died with it around him they keep bringing it back.  Again, we don't do a lot of family visits either way ;-) But yes, we have to bring safe food for ds when we travel.  And apparently my family has to bring all his allergens to our house to test how allergic he is

[Farrar]

The poll results are making me feel justified in thinking this is weird. :D

[momto10blessings]

We don't stay with family. Too many kids! If we did we would bring food so that the hosts wouldn't have to feed another 11 people!!

[saraha]

We raise our own beef, pork and chicken, so was always "bring the meat"  since there are 8 of us, and meat for that many people is expensive!  I always coordinate what will be helpful, for example, Oh, you are thinking of serving tacos, great!  I'll bring the hamburger, how about steaks too?  We could grill out.  etc.  Then I always bring an assortment of breakfast meats because, hey, who doesn't like bacon?  Then we leave anything we didn't use as a blessing to the hosts.

[MIch elle]

Food costs money - why would you mind if they contributed to feeding themselves by bringing food during their visit assuming they share it with everyone?

[mytwomonkeys]

When we visit my family I bring nothing.

 

When we visit my FIL, I would bring juice and snacks when they were toddlers.

 

When we visit my MIL, we always bring some food. Money is so tight for her though & she knows we will bring groceries. She is a full time caregiver to her husband, so we do it to help her - it isn't frustrating to her though, just appreciated.

[MissKNG]

In laws are here.  They brought peanut butter, among other common pantry items.

 

Actually, I think that's rather thoughtful of them to help out with food.

 

If it were a relative that we have never stayed with before, I would ask if they would like us to bring anything. I would probably show up with at least a platter of brownies if they said no. I would probably also pack some extra snacks for the girls though - for both the road and the relatives' home.

[Laura Corin]

Food costs money - why would you mind if they contributed to feeding themselves by bringing food during their visit assuming they share it with everyone?

 

I suppose I see it as a what-comes-around-goes-around thing.  For example, when we lived in China, we had a succession of nieces, nephews and more distant relatives passing through.  We fed and entertained them all.  This summer, Calvin is planning a trip around the US.  He'll be sleeping on the sofas of various friends and relatives.  I'm sure he will be well looked after.  These won't necessarily be the same families whose children we entertained, but it's all - to me - part of a larger reciprocation.

 

Similarly - when we lived overseas, we would visit all sets of grandparents, and stay for a week or so.  When our children are adult, I would hope that they would come and stay with us.

 

Now if money was really tight, it would be a different story.  But it doesn't sound as if the OP is in that kind of situation.

 

L

[Julie Smith]

Everyone who is describing bringing food is describing it in contexts where it totally makes sense - relatives with bare pantries, food intolerances, a few things you really like, food for a road trip, food leftover that needs to be used up...  I guess this just seems odd to me.  And yeah, rubs me the wrong way.  I think it's meant to be nice maybe.  To be less obtrusive.  Though when mil comes with all her food I find it extremely intrusive to have stuff on the counters everywhere that has no home and bags all over my kitchen floor.  She just lives that way in her kitchen (all the counters are covered all the time with stuff) so it probably seems normal to her though.  But they really don't need to bring food to offset the cost of anything - she's out of work and we're doing fine.

 

You are describing something closer to my Mom. She brings food here when she comes over for an afternoon or one overnight. (We live 90 minute drive away and she only comes over on average twice a year) In her case I think this need comes from a few places. 

 

1. As a kid for her lack of food was sometimes a problem. She was number 9 of ten and her parents were dirt farmers. (I'm told a dirt farmer is someone who buys a large farm but has to eventually start selling off equipment and stuff till he has to buy a smaller farm, then the process begins again. It was hard for her Dad to support 10 kids.) She has several memories of being hungry and only being able to have a small amount of food due to limititaions. 

 

2. As a young mother she would go visiting her MIL. Long cross country drive to get there - only to discover bare cupboards as in her MIL was on a new food kick craze and only ate peanut butter and bean spout sandwiches. 

 

3. Her own mother always had lots of mouths to feed and it was no unusual for 20 people to drop buy for dinner. At this time the cost of food was not a issue - just having enough from the store to go around since her mother couldn't stock enough to feed an army in her kitchen. 

 

4. She likes to help and has this mentalily that the second the stops working she is useless. This runs deep in her family. (Oh, the funny stories I could tell.)

 

5. She just likes being prepared. That is why when coming over for an overnight she will bring a case of beer, muffins, cookies, (Loves to spoil grandkids with treats) and then offer to take everyone out for lunch and buy something to make for dinner. 

[FaithManor]

I am allergic to wheat. My MIL does not get this even though she is a retired nurse. She does not read the labels on anything, not one thing. She makes all kinds of sauces and thickens them with flour and then pours it over the cooked veggies, etc. So, I have to bring food and not eat hers.

 

But, we don't eat over there probably more than three times per year, and she lives six miles away so we aren't traveling and staying overnight. However, when she lived in Florida and FIL was still alive, it was a HUGE issue with him. Eldest ds was young at the time and on a very restrictive diet due to a health problem. FIL was furious a lot of the time that we would not make ds eat what they cooked and the jerk did not care a lick about ds's health...in his generation, you ate what you were served and nobody gave a rip about whether that was good for you or not. The man was so wicked that I guarantee you that if I told him ds was allergic to shell fish he would have tried to serve him shrimp and then said he was "faking" anaphylaxis. He could not be trusted alone with the children. As a result, we rarely if ever visited, stayed at dh's grandmother's house when we did, and planned out meal times away from the house or fed the children at great grandma's and she was very gracious about us bringing food for him. Generally speaking though, we just simply stayed away which was hard on MIL. Now that FIL is gone and she lives nearby, outside of my gluten issues, we all have a great relationship.

 

That's the only time we traveled to visit family. My family lives nearby, and dh's siblings are pretty much estranged from him and his grandparents are gone, so we don't have family to visit that is long distance from here.

[Susan in TN]

It depends on where we are going.  If we stay with my parents, we bring along a few items, snacks, non-dairy milk, etc.  If we are staying with my in-laws, we bring a whole cupboard's worth of food since they really can not afford to feed us.  We usually sneak things into their pantry to leave for them.

 

When I was growing up, my aunt would always bring a ham or something like that - it drove my mom nuts, but eventually we realized that she was just raised to always bring food or other item to thank the host.

[Chris in VA]

When my mil comes, she brings lots of things--usually the ingredients for a dinner or two, even. THere's no need, but I don't find it irritating. When we go to her house, we generally bring a few things. Not flour. That is weird.

 

When my mom comes, she's either here for a holiday, or on their way to FL for a few months (and we see her on the way back up, too--and my dad, not to leave him out!). She brings me all the half-used crap she doesn't want to leave at home. That's irritating. Just throw it out! I really don't want your half an onion...Sigh. I try not to let the irritation show.

 

She's actually a lot like the Accidental Tourist, that protagonist of the book about the guy who is a travel writer but hates to travel, so he brings stuff along to make every new place as close to his home environment as possible. She brings Cheerios and orange juice every.single.time, because she MUST have her orange juice and HN Cheerios. Even though we always have them now. Even though the store is literally one minute away.

 

I am more aware, lately, of how old she is, and how she's getting a bit more frail. So I try, as I said, not to let any irritation show.

[FO4UR]

I like to take a few things.  Some things to show I love them (cookies)...and some to replace things that my kids will empty out completely w/in 3 hours and I'd feel bad about it (water bottles, ALL their apples, etc...).  That's at my family.  Dh's family is different, and doesn't appreciate my attempts, so I don't try.

[Harriet Vane]

I do bring food when staying at someone else's house. It's expensive to feed extra mouths, and I do not want to impose that expense on anyone.

 

I also bring because I am eating a gluten-free diet and ds is lactose intolerant. However, I brought food when visiting long before any dietary restrictions were part of my life.

[Mbelle]

We help out with groceries.  We go shopping and get what they had that we used up and we also usually buy things we like in particular as well for sharing of course if they would like to eat some too.  Everyone is comfortable with that.

 

Food all over the counter would bother me.  I would put it away with my own stuff.  We are pretty easy going family though.

[MomatHWTK]

Even without allergies, if I were travelling with kids I'd probably make sure I had their favorite foods rather than bank on someone else having what I needed when I arrived.  If I ate a specific breakfast cereal, I'd either bring it or plan on going shopping ASAP to have what I wanted on hand.  Same with coffee brand, etc. 

 

ETA: We do deal with allergies so it is a moot point.  We have to bring our own, go grocery shopping and monitor what is in the kitchen when we visit- which is very seldom.  ;)

[Luanne]

We bring a few snacks.  Sometimes the other family members aren't hungry when we are and we don't like to go hungry.  I have allergies, but they are always very good about making food I can eat.  I also tend to eat more often than some people since I get dizzy and feel like I am going to pass out if I don't eat every 3-4 hours.  Otherwise, no, I know they will feed us.

[Baseball mom]

We live 6 hours from family so I always pack snacks to eat on the road but don't normally bring those in. 

 

Don't bring other food either.  We always stayed with grandparents who wanted to feed us so I didn't bring food.  I did offer to & would go to the grocery to pick up whatever they needed (and of course pay for it).   We would spend 1/2 the visit with grandmother and other 1/2 with granddad.  

We also would buy a bucket of chicken or a pizza at least once or twice while there.  My grandmother loved pizza but wouldn't buy one for just her.  So the pizza would be a treat for her.

 

But we would leave to come home with food.  My grandparents always loaded us up with canned food. 
 

[prairiewindmomma]

We stay at a hotel, and we do bring snacks, quietly, with us so that when ILs try to feed us a slice of white bread with a slice of tomato on top for lunch, we can feed our family.

 

They are nuts.

 

If we were to visit my family, we would not bring food, but we would take them out a few times and buy groceries for eating at the house (all pre-arranged by telephone).

[Catwoman]

We never have overnight guests, and if we visit friends or family, we always stay in hotels, so I'm having fun reading this thread. Some of this stuff (like the food issues) never even occurred to me. :)

[Spryte]

Allergies here (life threatening), so yes, we bring food for the allergic kiddo. Otherwise - I find it odd.

[T'smom]

We have food allergies. So yes, we often have a grocery bag of items we need. However, we don't travel often due to this situation.

 

But my family does it. My mom/stepdad bring nuts. Every time. My stepdad used to eat them in the car. But at this point, I would rather he eat them at the table, clean it and wash his hands in my presence so I know he isn't touching ds with peanut hands! And at Christmas he brought non peanut fudge and peanut fudge. I gave up being bothered by it. My mom brings her yogurt brand and soda. B/c apparently my store doesn't carry these ;-)

 

My inlaws told me all their food issues(by choice to avoid) and I bought all kinds of stuff for them and they showed up with junk food they told me they can't eat......and then went out when they didn't like the food they told me to cook! I give up and won't bother trying next time to cook what they want.

 

if there is an allergy in the house I think it's fair to ask these items not to come. My family didn't listen of course but since ds hasn't died with it around him they keep bringing it back. Again, we don't do a lot of family visits either way ;-) But yes, we have to bring safe food for ds when we travel. And apparently my family has to bring all his allergens to our house to test how allergic he is

Oh my! That is terrible. I can't imagine! I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

[FaithManor]

I think that a lot of what is wrapped up in this is family tradition. Some extended families have a tradition of helping out with meal costs and grocery planning and others do not. It could be weird for some and perfectly normal for others. Really no hard and fast rule and maybe some of it also relates to the ethnic heritage of the family...my paternal grandmother was part NA and she had a much more communal sense of kitchen and groceries than my very Scotch maternal grandmother. it could have been more of a personality thing, but I have wondered about ethnic upbringing because at paternal grandma's everyone brought food, everyone pitched in, everyone helped, and no one got cranky about what was brought or whatever. Bringing food with us to maternal grandma's house was tantamount to personal insult and you most certainly left her kitchen alone. So I do wonder..could have been family traditions and personalities that had nothing to do with ethnic customs, but i'd be interested to here if anyone thinks their family kitchen culture has been affected by your investor's heritage.

[LibraryLover]

I would think they were trying not to be a burden, even if, in your eyes, they are not.   I like clear counters as well. I would put her offerings in a tub or box and put it in the pantry or in a cabinet, making sure to let her know where it all is.

[Trilliums]

When we visit parents, in laws or siblings, we usually go grocery shopping at some point during the stay.   When they visit us, they do the same thing.  I never considered it odd.