Is being a SAHM hard work?

[SKL]

And I don't think it was exactly an act of charity to start a new thread to lambaste the people who stated their opinion on the "confess your unpopular opinion" thread.  If we want to talk about unkind intent.

[Alte Veste Academy]

I don't think a person should always have to qualify a general opinion by saying "of course there are probably exceptions." In a world with billions of mothers and children, each of whom is a unique individual, it is obvious there are differences. No neurotypical adult could fail to realize that. It is not an omission to not state the obvious. In fact, it is redundant to state the obvious. We often do it because we are afraid of being accused of being rotten people. Not because the person we're talking to needs that information.

 

Personally I prefer a conversation in which the majority of the words are substantive and not a series of CYA qualifications. If I am suspicious of someone's intent, I can always ask for clarification.

Personally, I prefer a conversation in which the posts reflect at least some degree of humility.

 

And I don't think it was exactly an act of charity to start a new thread to lambaste the people who stated their opinion on the "confess your unpopular opinion" thread. If we want to talk about unkind intent.

Well, to have derailed that thread would have been uncool, but once posted anything is open game here. In fact, I did not post about a dozen certifiable unpopular opinions because I didn't feel like opening up a dozen cans of worms. No one who has been here for long could possibly be naive about the idea that their posts can and will provoke other thoughts and threads.

[8circles]

And I don't think it was exactly an act of charity to start a new thread to lambaste the people who stated their opinion on the "confess your unpopular opinion" thread.  If we want to talk about unkind intent.

Right.  Much better to do it underhanded & sneaky with implications instead of outright.  Much more civilized.

 

But I don't particularly see anything unkind about this thread itself & it doesn't seem to me that the OP was being unkind.  I also don't think it unkind to point out someone else being rude.  That seems obvious to me but as usual others will see it differently.

[SKL]

Well, if I was the person being attacked, I would feel like I'd been led into a trap by that other thread.  Probably not intentionally by the OP thereof.  But the spirit of the thread was supposed to be everyone let your hair down.  Out with it.  Truth or dare.  When one engages in something like that, it seems dishonorable to attack someone for playing along.  Unsportsmanlike.  It makes one that much more wary of being open on the forums.

[Jenny in Florida]

 

Right now, I'm sitting in my pretty sunroom with a soft, plushy blanket over my legs, with a nice laptop on my lap. My daughter is in her room, doing homework. The boys are playing poker in the family room. In an hour or so, I'll go make chili for dinner. I do have some tasks to take care of, but they aren't urgent and I plan to do them later or tomorrow. This is not a vignette that describes my every hour of every day, but it describes the case more often than not. It isn't hard. 

 

 

OK.  Your day sounds lovely.  I haven't had that kind of a day in a while - maybe a couple times a year do I have a day like that.  If that is your more-often-than-not then sure, that's easy.  That isn't reality for any SAHMs I know IRL.

 

 

Yeah, that doesn't sound remotely like any day I've ever had as a mom. Ever.

 

I'd probably think life was easy. too, if that's how it was for me more often than not.

[Joker]

Yeah, that doesn't sound remotely like any day I've ever had as a mom. Ever.

 

I'd probably think life was easy. too, if that's how it was for me more often than not.

 

I'm actually surprised there are those out there who don't have time to rest. Even when I had two in diapers I had time to chill. Maybe I've just been blessed with the world's easiest children or husband?  We have a small house and we pick up after ourselves so there's just not enough stuff to be done that would require so much of my time. Now that they're both in ps I feel busy because in addition to the normal things I am now volunteering more and they are in more activities. I still have time to kick back, though.

[Jenny in Florida]

I'm actually surprised there are those out there who don't have time to rest. Even when I had two in diapers I had time to chill. Maybe I've just been blessed with the world's easiest children or husband?  We have a small house and we pick up after ourselves so there's just not enough stuff to be done that would require so much of my time. Now that they're both in ps I feel busy because in addition to the normal things I am now volunteering more and they are in more activities. I still have time to kick back, though.

 

Well, I definitely have neither an easy husband nor easy kids. Each of them is a strong, intense personality, and each is very different. Balancing all of their needs is pretty tiring all on its own.

 

I do, in theory, have time to rest. However, what I can usually manage is an hour or so of by-myself time late at night after everyone else has gone to bed, by which time I'm so fried that it never feels like enough. (I'm an introvert by nature. So, spending all day, every day with people, even people I love, is exhausting.)

 

By way of example, here's how I spent this day:

 

I slept in until 8:00, because I have been working late a few nights this week (until midnight or a little after). I took the dog outside but decided we didn't have time to take a real walk, since we were getting a late start.

 

I sat with my husband and daughter for about 30 minutes trying to strategize how we would arrange our day. My husband is taking off a few Fridays to use up vacation time before he loses it at the end of the year, and we had decided this would be a good day to go buy a Christmas tree, since the rest of the weekend is pretty tightly booked. However, I also really need to find time this weekend to mow and edge the front yard. Before we could bring the tree home, we needed to rearrange some things in the living room to make space, and there was a difference of opinion about where to put the tree and how to do the rearranging. We finally decided it was not reasonable to think I would have enough time and energy to do the yard work and be available to work on the living room and get the tree. So, we opted for the tree-related tasks.

 

I made breakfast for all four of us.

 

I ran a load of laundry made up of all of my son's dancewear, most of which has to be hung to dry, and some of which he needed for a performance this evening.

 

I took a shower.

 

I hung up my son's dance stuff to dry.

 

I pitched in with the rearranging in the living room and then headed out to the garage to dig out and drag into the house the storage bins of lights, ornaments and Christmas décor.

 

We ventured out to buy a Christmas tree.

 

We came home and brought the tree into the house. My son and daughter and I wrestled the tree into the stand and got it into the preselected spot.

 

I took my daughter to the craft store to buy batting "snow" so she could set up her village of miniature houses. (Normally, I would not have made a special trip for that, but she's been having a rough week, emotionally, and I was so happy that she was enthusiastic about setting up the village that I opted to indulge her.)

 

We stopped on the way home to pick up take-out for a late lunch for all four of us.

 

We went home and ate lunch quickly.

 

By that time, it was 4:30 and almost time to leave for my son's performance.

 

We cleaned up after lunch, and I ironed a shirt my son needed for his performance.

 

At 5:00, we left to go to the performance. A drive that would normally take 30 minutes took us over an hour because we had to go right through the tourist part of town during this joyous holiday season. We were running late for his call by the time we go there. So, I dropped my husband, son and daughter at the stage and went to park the car.

 

I parked several blocks away and trudged back to meet them, making it with about three minutes to spare before the show started.

 

We spent the next two and a half hours at the event, standing in front of the stage,

 

When the third show ended at 8:45, we made our way back to the car and I drove everyone home. By the time we left the event, my husband was in serious pain (he has a bad back from an injury he suffered when he was in his 20s) and wincing with every cobblestone and pothole I drove over. So, I was pretty stressed out by the time we made it back here.

 

We arrived home at about 9:30. I took the dog outside, moved some laundry from the washer to the dryer and did some general straightening. I started another small load of laundry, because my son has another performance tomorrow night and needs a couple of the same items he wore tonight.

 

I went over the calendar for tomorrow with my daughter to make sure I know where I need to be when before she headed off to bed.

 

I checked my e-mail to see if there was updated tracking information available for the package I'm expecting for the fundraiser I'm coordinating for my son's choir and/or any updates about tomorrow's performances.

 

I hung up the dancewear.

 

I spent about an hour searching online for something I could buy to wear for a couple of upcoming holiday events. (This is not rest for me. I hate shopping, especially now that I'm as overweight as I've ever been and self-conscious about it and really wish I could just hide under a rock instead of appearing in public.)

 

I'm now watching Netflix and typing this. I should have gone to bed hours ago, because I have to leave to drive my daughter to work in less than five hours.

 

Tomorrow, I will drop her at work at 6:45, come home and do some work on the Christmas tree ornaments I'm making for the kids so that I can present them when we decorate the tree Sunday afternoon. I'll pick her up from work at noon and drive her to the last acting class of the semester. My son has to be driven to a site about 30 minutes from our house and delivered by 2:00 so that he can be in a holiday parade with his dance school. I will attend the parade and then scoot back to pick up my daughter from her class and bring her back with me to the event. (In addition to the job she is working in the morning, she works part-time at my son's dance school and is supposed to be on-site to assist with the post-parade performances.) They are scheduled to perform from 5:30 until 7:30, after which I will drive everyone home. I plan to try and get the lights put on the Christmas tree tomorrow evening so that we are ready to go into full decorating mode once everyone is available on Sunday. (My son has church and youth group activities Sunday morning, and I'm scheduled to work a couple of hours in the afternoon -- and do the aforementioned yard work at some point. So, we'll need to be a little creative to find a good chunk of time to devote to decorating.)

 

This is a pretty typical weekend for us, except that, for the last six months, I was also working a part-time retail job Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.

[8circles]

Well, if I was the person being attacked, I would feel like I'd been led into a trap by that other thread.  Probably not intentionally by the OP thereof.  But the spirit of the thread was supposed to be everyone let your hair down.  Out with it.  Truth or dare.  When one engages in something like that, it seems dishonorable to attack someone for playing along.  Unsportsmanlike.  It makes one that much more wary of being open on the forums.

Well, I'm not sure who is being attacked.  It isn't attacking to say something is rude and offensive. 

 

It is a personal insult to imply someone is not neurotypical because of some apparent lack of understanding.

 

I don't think the unpopular thread was intended to be used for offenses and it seems many people agreed - there were several comments about keeping offensive opinions to themselves.

 

To the bold, & I would say sure - but so does the original comment. 

[Murphy101]

Oh geez. Didn't see where this thread went. Nm.

[swellmomma]

OK.  Your day sounds lovely.  I haven't had that kind of a day in a while - maybe a couple times a year do I have a day like that.  If that is your more-often-than-not then sure, that's easy.  That isn't reality for any SAHMs I know IRL.

 

As to the laundry, it isn't whining or complaining to say that it is quite time-consuming & continuous and it adds to my days not being easy.  shrug.  

 

Just because I think being a SAHM is hard doesn't mean I don't enjoy it or there is something else I'd rather be doing.  I love my life, but I don't think it's easy.

 

You're not the only one.  I have never had a day like that ever as a mom.  It sounds like what I envisoned my time to be like, but like I posted above, reality soooo did not match the dream. 

[Kari C in SC]

I have to admit that I'm amazed by how many comments there were in the "unpopular opinion thread" about how being a parent or SAHM is not very difficult. I'm not sure why my experience is different (five kids, my own introversion, having teenagers?) but I find motherhood to be something that has always challenged me in many ways (energy, creativity, stamina, wisdom, etc). What's your opinion/experience?

I didn't comment on that other thread, but I did see that. I think my take on it is that that act of mothering is hard work no matter what. I do actually feel like I have it easier than when I was a working outside the home mom and also a telecommuting working mom. My life is able to be more focused on school, activities, house, etc. When I was employed, I was doing all those things in addition to my responsibilities for my employer. I worked and homeschool for 7 years as many on this board do. I realize this may not be the same for everyone, but being a SAHM has made my life easier in that I have so much more flexibility than I ever did as a working mom. If I want to sleep in, I can. If I want to take off and drive 2 hours to Charleston (as I did today), I can. It is just a lot less stressful for me not having to be accountable to another position other than homeschool mom and wife.

[Murphy101]

I must admit, I don't find the physical demands of being a sahp hard either. Like Quill, my days are fairly tranquil. I tell dh that if I only have 20 minutes of arguing or whatever to resolve, well that's a pretty darn good work day IMO. And tho with 10 kids there might be one flare up a day over something, I don't think that's a bad average.

 

I also don't get the laundry and dishes. It's very much a constant go here, but then again, it's a constant go. It is unusual to visit my home and find piles of laundry and dishes.

 

For me, what makes being a sahp hard is the emotional and mental toll. If all I had to do was maintain the house to be a good wife and mother, this would be done and in the bag. But no, that's not good enough for me.

 

I find life rather ... Idk... Similar to quills I guess. All the time? No. When the kids were all itty bitty? No. But in spurts each day or at least a couple times a week? Sure.

 

I think many people's lives are like that and they never acknowledge those moments. Because for some stupid reason being busy is glorified like some kind of virtue in our society. It's almost shameful to say you aren't busy and you bloody well plan to stay that way. Not only do I think there is no virtue in being constantly busy, I think it impedes growth in virtue.

[SKL]

Well, I'm not sure who is being attacked.  It isn't attacking to say something is rude and offensive. 

 

It is a personal insult to imply someone is not neurotypical because of some apparent lack of understanding.

 

I don't think the unpopular thread was intended to be used for offenses and it seems many people agreed - there were several comments about keeping offensive opinions to themselves.

 

To the bold, & I would say sure - but so does the original comment. 

 

It's late, people aren't understanding what I wrote.  I never implied anyone was not neurotypical.  My point is that readers here should assume posters ARE neurotypical and therefore aware of human diversity.

 

We will have to agree to disagree about whether it's "attacking" to accuse someone of ill intent / rudeness / offensiveness for stating a general opinion about something based on one's personal experience.

 

I was one of the people who mentioned reluctance to post anything controversial.  Because, as I mentioned, some people might be unable to refrain from turning it into an ugly argument.  :/  Turns out I was right about that.

 

I think it's strange that so many people can't accept such a benign (in my opinion) difference of opinion.  There were harsher comments on there IMO which were left alone for the sake of peace.

[Murphy101]

I also think some of it is mental attitude.

 

People always ask me how many diapers I change, how many loads of laundry...

 

I can take several minutes to calculate it if I must, but truth is I just get the job done and move on. I have never understood the need to weigh oneself down by daily contemplation of the tasks at hand. It doesn't change what needs done. It just makes it seem that much harder to do.

 

I'm not exactly whistling over my dirty laundry anymore than the next gal, but I'm not whining about it either. It is what it is, I do it, I move on.

[MistyMountain]

I find being a sahm hard but at the same time I am glad I can do it. For me it is hard because I am an introvert and there is constant noise and often times chaos. I do not do well without any quiet time. It is hard to not really have much intellectual stimulation from other adults very often. I am often either alone in a house with kids or at a chaotic place with a lot of other people. It isn't difficult or back breaking to do tasks like cooking, cleaning, dishes and laundry but I really don't like doing them at all and I have to do way more of it now. My kids are pretty intense at times and pretty emotional. I have done many different jobs and for me the most mentally challenging is dealing with kids with no breaks. It is fine that not everyone feels that way but I don't think there is anything wrong with people who do find it challenging. As challenging as it is at times I am happy to do it and glad I can. I never once regretted having kids or being a sahm but for me it is hard.

[happi duck]

Sorry to post without reading any responses but...

When I worked for pay people told me all the time "I could never do your job."  To me, that job was easy, it came totally naturally to me...but I understood that it fit my natural abilities.  I did not think badly of the people who saw it as difficult.

 

I guess I see being a sahm like that...for some it will fit their natural abilities and for some it will be more difficult.

 

[swellmomma]

It's late, people aren't understanding what I wrote.  I never implied anyone was not neurotypical.  My point is that readers here should assume posters ARE neurotypical and therefore aware of human diversity.

 

We will have to agree to disagree about whether it's "attacking" to accuse someone of ill intent / rudeness / offensiveness for stating a general opinion about something based on one's personal experience.

 

I was one of the people who mentioned reluctance to post anything controversial.  Because, as I mentioned, some people might be unable to refrain from turning it into an ugly argument.  :/  Turns out I was right about that.

 

I think it's strange that so many people can't accept such a benign (in my opinion) difference of opinion.  There were harsher comments on there IMO which were left alone for the sake of peace.

 

I don't think the issue is that people aren't understanding you, it's the attitude you are putting forth.  The only one turning this into an argument is you.  The OP took an opinion from the other thread and asked if others felt the same way.  That is not turning it into an ugly argument.  You jumping in here, trying to be high and mighty, putting intent into the post that the OP did not have etc is what is making it an ugly arguement. I don't know if it is just the way you write or your actual belief but it seems often you get an attitude that your opinion is the only right one and everyone else is an idiot for not jumping up right away and declaring that of course you are right and how foolish they are for thinking other words.  It is not about misunderstanding, it is not about time of day.  It is about attitude perceived or real in the words you post.

[Guest]

I'm actually surprised there are those out there who don't have time to rest. Even when I had two in diapers I had time to chill. Maybe I've just been blessed with the world's easiest children or husband?  We have a small house and we pick up after ourselves so there's just not enough stuff to be done that would require so much of my time. Now that they're both in ps I feel busy because in addition to the normal things I am now volunteering more and they are in more activities. I still have time to kick back, though.

 

This is my feeling, too. I can't understand how there are at least a hundred "regulars" here at any given time, folks who post here every day or most every day (including myself), yet the majority of mothers don't have a half-hour of chill time on a regular basis? Who is watching all the episodes of Downton Abbey, then? How can folks have an opinion on John & Kate Plus 8 if they never have ten minutes to relax? Who reads all those Nicholas Sparks books?  :laugh:  

 

My life was busier when my kids were little. Back then, the parents with teenagers said, "Just wait!"  My SIL once said, when another SIL announced her 3rd pregnancy, "You do know these kids grow into teenagers, right? What will you do then?" Now I have teenagers and I think it's mostly not difficult. 

 

I must admit, I don't find the physical demands of being a sahp hard either. Like Quill, my days are fairly tranquil. I tell dh that if I only have 20 minutes of arguing or whatever to resolve, well that's a pretty darn good work day IMO. And tho with 10 kids there might be one flare up a day over something, I don't think that's a bad average.

 

I also don't get the laundry and dishes. It's very much a constant go here, but then again, it's a constant go. It is unusual to visit my home and find piles of laundry and dishes.

 

For me, what makes being a sahp hard is the emotional and mental toll. If all I had to do was maintain the house to be a good wife and mother, this would be done and in the bag. But no, that's not good enough for me.

 

I find life rather ... Idk... Similar to quills I guess. All the time? No. When the kids were all itty bitty? No. But in spurts each day or at least a couple times a week? Sure.

 

I think many people's lives are like that and they never acknowledge those moments. Because for some stupid reason being busy is glorified like some kind of virtue in our society. It's almost shameful to say you aren't busy and you bloody well plan to stay that way. Not only do I think there is no virtue in being constantly busy, I think it impedes growth in virtue.

 

Boy, you said that so very much better than I did. I'm so glad the mother who is saying this has ten kids, which no doubt, most folks think is totally nuts!  :laugh:

[Guest]

I guess when I've heard the comments about being a mom being the most important job, etc, I hear it about motherhood in general, not SAHM in particular.  I think whether or not you think it's the hardest job, most important job, etc  is shaped by your life experiences and your personality.  It isn't a put-down or insult to other jobs to say that motherhood is the most important - I think the job of a mother is much farther reaching than just the day-to-day of what they do.  I think it'd be hard to make a case for the minimal importance of mothers, even if you don't think they're the MOST important.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I can't see many people saying mothers aren't important.  Stranger things have happened, I guess.   

 

To your last paragraph, I have acknowledged that some SAHM find it easy.  I have no issue with that.  Making a blanket statement that something is easy is not leaving any room for the acceptance of it not being easy for others.  Pointing out that one person's limited experience is not universal isn't punishing, being overly sensitive, taking offense easily, or whining.  

 

Yes, lots of things could have been offensive.  Most things were pretty fluffy.  A few were insulting.  One was downright cruel.  Sneaky bastards throwing in some cruelty in the middle of good natured fun thinking nobody would notice.   :ack2:

 

For one thing, nobody here has said being a mother is not important, unless I missed that post. 

 

I don't know why you continue to insist that it was mean-spirited to confess that one's self-proclaimed "unpopular opinion" is that being a SAHM is not hard.* Clearly, it is indeed an unpopular opinion! What is mean-spirited about saying I don't find being a SAHM/HS Mom hard? Why would that be any more potentially offensive to *somebody* than saying nobody should wear skinny jeans or that coffee is yucky? 

 

* "Not hard" and "easy" seem to be interchanged, too, though I don't equate "not hard" and "easy" as direct synonyms. Adding 1+1 is easy. But adding up my grocery list is not hard. It's more involved, and doing it in my head would be more involved still, but I can accomplish it with no difficulty if I give it a few minutes of my attention. That is what I'm thinking of when I say motherhood is not hard. It takes sustained effort. It is involved. But I can usually manage to do what needs to be done. 

[J-rap]

I think it depends on what you mean by hard.  It is time consuming and requires much dedication and effort, and so did my full-time jobs outside of the home.  I didn't consider either of them "hard" -- but that doesn't mean I could do them without effort or without thinking.  They both required a LOT.  To me, really "hard" work would be like chopping wood all day, or working in a coal mine.  It helped that I absolutely loved being a SAHM, so even if it meant "working" 12 hours/day, it was very satisfying work and I loved it.

 

I WOULD consider it hard, however, if my circumstances were different...  If I didn't have a great husband helping, if I didn't have the support, enough money, and everything else that made it go smoothly.

[Renee in NC]

I've not sat still in the way you are describing since my oldest was born 11 years ago.  I never, ever just sit still and hang out on the couch.  There is too much to do.  I work from the time I get up until I drop into bed around 11:30 every night.     I do 20 load of laundry a week -- it takes a good deal of time.  My day starts early-- breakfast for 4 kids, then onto school, which takes me about 5 hours each day for all 4 of them.  Then off to activities if we have any.  Add in daily picking up, cleaning, cooking dinner etc. there is precious little sit under a blanket time.

 

WOW!  I don't do near that amount of laundry (I have 6 at home.)  I'm gone 11 hours a day, but I'm in bed at 11 (up at 5.)

 

Your life does sound exhausting.

[regentrude]

I know this wasn't asked of me, but I LOVE the teen years!  I currently have two just about to turn 16 and 14.

 

Me too! I think teens get a bad rap... I genuinely enjoy spending time with mine (14 and 16).

 

[Murphy101]

I don't think I do that much laundry either. Hmmm. That's 4 loads a day 5 days a week. Maybe. Not sure. But even so... So what? I put a load in the wash in the morning and before meals (bc it's right off the kitchen, so might as well do that while waiting for water to boil or whatever). A kid puts it in the dryer, a kid sorts, kids out their laundry up, mine/dh/baby stuff goes in a basket in our room to be put away by us. It's not that big a deal. It's certainly not taking over my life.

 

Now if I had to haul it to a laundromat or hand wash/dry? Yes, that would be crazy consuming. But then again, I bet I'd crack the whip over kids going through laundry like crazy too. For example, I 100% sure I'd institute a policy of reusing bath towels instead of tossing them in the wash after every slight use. And I probably wouldn't have let them play in the snow yesterday bc they went through a ton of clothing in layers to stay warm and dry and only semi-succeeded.

[Murphy101]

I have great teens. Really I do. But they take a lot more time than my 2 year old. More mental and emotional energy and literally more time together. I don't mind it, but I don't think my parenting is done bc they are great teens. I'm very involved in their lives and like any growing and changing relationship, that takes a good deal of work to grow and maintain.

[regentrude]

I have great teens. Really I do. But they take a lot more time than my 2 year old. More mental and emotional energy and literally more time together. I don't mind it, but I don't think my parenting is done bc they are great teens. I'm very involved in their lives and like any growing and changing relationship, that takes a good deal of work to grow and maintain.

 

Interesting. When mine were 2, our time together was all the time they were home.

Teens, OTOH? They have stuff to do, places to go to, other people in their lives. DD has a full schedule during the week and spends many hours doing things without us. Introvert DS is not quite as active, but does not wish to spend that much time with me anymore.

 

No, I am not done parenting - but time wise, it is a huge difference to when they were younger. I strive to make the most of the time they wish to spend with me. And that is mostly fun, does not require an effort, and most definitely does not feel like work, (except for some aspects of homeschooling DS).

[Murphy101]

Mine too, which is why it's more work. They aren't just here all the time. They have jobs, outside classes, friends, activities. We have to make a stronger effort to stay connected and a part of their lives and make sure we know what's going on.

[regentrude]

I don't think I do that much laundry either. Hmmm. That's 4 loads a day 5 days a week. Maybe. Not sure. But even so... So what? I put a load in the wash in the morning and before meals (bc it's right off the kitchen, so might as well do that while waiting for water to boil or whatever). A kid puts it in the dryer, a kid sorts, kids out their laundry up, mine/dh/baby stuff goes in a basket in our room to be put away by us. It's not that big a deal. It's certainly not taking over my life.

 

Now if I had to haul it to a laundromat or hand wash/dry? Yes, that would be crazy consuming. But then again, I bet I'd crack the whip over kids going through laundry like crazy too. For example, I 100% sure I'd institute a policy of reusing bath towels instead of tossing them in the wash after every slight use.

 

I don't get the laundry issue either.

We absolutely reuse towels. Nobody back home washes towels every day; water and electricity cost and the absence of dryers would make that a crazy notion. Completely unnecessary.

With a dryer (that I use only in bad weather) it takes almost zero work. Hanging laundry on the clothesline in the yard does take about ten minutes per load, but aside from that? I have every kid "harvest" his or her own things from the line and take away.. I do not care how they fold their own stuff. I don't get how folding is time consuming either - take item, shake out, fold, put in basket. A few seconds.

And "sorting" ? When I fill the basket to take to the washer for a dark load, it takes me practically no extra time to simply omit all white and delicate items in the hamper.

I am sure I must be doing things completely wrong...

[Murphy101]

Haha.

 

I stopped sorting years ago. I set aside items that are delicate or I know will bleed, that's it.

 

Reusing towels... Well we do but not for each person. I'll use the same towel for 4-5 kids getting out of the tub, then toss it in the dirties.

[Soror]

I don't sort laundry either, we are a family of 6 and I probably have 5-6 loads of laundry a week, including cloth diapers. I do have a large capacity washer but even so I cannot imagine it quadrupling my laundry load. 

[SKL]

Mine too, which is why it's more work. They aren't just here all the time. They have jobs, outside classes, friends, activities. We have to make a stronger effort to stay connected and a part of their lives and make sure we know what's going on.

 

Thank you for this comment, because this is true (on another level) for folks like me who have our younger kids in B&M school / daycare.  The fact that they are not with me for some % of the time does not mean that I have that % less parenting work / responsibility.  It means that I have less time to do the things that every mom needs to do with her kids.  It also means that I may have to address the mistakes of some misguided caregivers and unfortunate influences of some other kids.  And yes, we have to develop strategies to figure what is happening when we aren't there.

 

I personally do not say this is "more" work than what a SAHM does - I do delegate some things - but the difference in commitment is not as great as it might look from the outside.

[SKL]

On the laundry front, I usually have 2-4 loads of laundry per week.  We also re-use towels and a lot of other things.  :)  But on the other hand, we have some stuff for sports activities which add to the mix. 

 

I try to finish all the laundry in one day so nothing sits around wet for too long.  My schedule is kinda crazy, so there are many times when I go two weeks before I have a chance to do laundry.  It bugs me to have crap lying around in various stages of completion, so I try to find a time when I can wash, dry, fold, and put away all the loads in one day.

 

I do have a relatively larger washer and dryer in a room off my kitchen.  That helps.

[swellmomma]

On the laundry note, I find I am always behind with it.  Maybe it is due to my work schedule and the kids activities, we are on the go all the time it seems.  I have 1 bed wetter, 1 who manages to get everything on his clothes in the day and needs to change outfits before we go anywhere, so usually 2 outfits a day for him, plus uniforms for multiple activities.  I have clothes I wear to the diner job because I don't care if they get grease stains, and clothes I wear at home and at the afterschool care.  If I don't do at least 3 loads a day I am automatically behind and have a hard time catching up again.  We do not reuse towels, those get washed after each use.  Clothes get sorted as far as whites; pinks/reds/purples; cadet uniforms; kuk sool won uniforms and then the rest.  I do have a washer and dryer though on opposite areas of the house.  So the washer is in the bathroom, the dryer is in the mudroom so to switch you have to walk through the house with your basket of wet clothes.  Days where we are uber busy I will be lucky to get 1 load done, and then I am already 2 loads behind the next day etc.  It adds up quickly.  In the end IF I have maintained my minimum 3 loads a day and was not starting off behind that means I am doing 21 loads of laundry a week.  The kids empty the dryer and move stuff from the washer to it, but I sort the loads and get it started, and I have to do all the folding and putting away.  Otherwise they merely dump them on the floor and one of the animals pees on them meaning they end up right back in the wash. Plus all the ironing and mending which I consider part of the laundry chores. It is not a hard chore compared to others in the house but it is a tedious never ending one.  I can't think of the last time I was totally caught up on laundry.  There is always at least a load sitting there waiting to go, if not more.  it is one of the main reasons I am doing a major purge while I get through all the laundry this season.  The kids own far too many clothes for me to keep up with. I can commiserate with others who struggle with conquering mount washmore.

[Murphy101]

I wouldn't be able to walk through my laundry room after 2 days if I only did laundry once a week! lol

[SKL]

I don't keep clothes in the laundry room except when I'm in the middle of the laundry.  The kids have a hamper in their closet, as do I.  I bring the hampers to the laundry room when I'm about to wash.  I fold/hang as they come out of the dryer and put them away.  That's why I have to wait for a time when it's convenient to do this.

[Guest]

On the laundry note, I find I am always behind with it.  Maybe it is due to my work schedule and the kids activities, we are on the go all the time it seems.  I have 1 bed wetter, 1 who manages to get everything on his clothes in the day and needs to change outfits before we go anywhere, so usually 2 outfits a day for him, plus uniforms for multiple activities.  I have clothes I wear to the diner job because I don't care if they get grease stains, and clothes I wear at home and at the afterschool care.  If I don't do at least 3 loads a day I am automatically behind and have a hard time catching up again.  We do not reuse towels, those get washed after each use.  Clothes get sorted as far as whites; pinks/reds/purples; cadet uniforms; kuk sool won uniforms and then the rest.  I do have a washer and dryer though on opposite areas of the house.  So the washer is in the bathroom, the dryer is in the mudroom so to switch you have to walk through the house with your basket of wet clothes.  Days where we are uber busy I will be lucky to get 1 load done, and then I am already 2 loads behind the next day etc.  It adds up quickly.  In the end IF I have maintained my minimum 3 loads a day and was not starting off behind that means I am doing 21 loads of laundry a week.  The kids empty the dryer and move stuff from the washer to it, but I sort the loads and get it started, and I have to do all the folding and putting away.  Otherwise they merely dump them on the floor and one of the animals pees on them meaning they end up right back in the wash. Plus all the ironing and mending which I consider part of the laundry chores. It is not a hard chore compared to others in the house but it is a tedious never ending one.  I can't think of the last time I was totally caught up on laundry.  There is always at least a load sitting there waiting to go, if not more.  it is one of the main reasons I am doing a major purge while I get through all the laundry this season.  The kids own far too many clothes for me to keep up with. I can commiserate with others who struggle with conquering mount washmore.

 

swellmomma, you're not asking for advice, so I won't give it to you. If this was how my laundry picture looked, I would change several of the elements you've mentioned.

 

I do think "laundry caught up" is an interesting phrase. I pretty much never think about whether or not my laundry is caught up, because it's a standard towards which I don't strive. I do laundry twice a week, most often on Wed and Sat, because those are the days I am most likely to be home for several hours. I do sort, but it's pretty simple - whites, red/orange/pink, delicate and darks. Darks may be 2-3 loads; dh is in construction and his layers make up a lot of the darks. I strive to keep jeans mostly to one load, but in order to even it out, I'll throw a couple other darks in with a load of jeans. Sometimes I do delicates only once a week because it's mostly bras and fragile sweaters/blouses of mine or dd. 

 

So I guess I'm not really "caught up" on laundry ever, because every closet has a dirty-clothes basket filling for a few days before I do laundry, and by the time I finish laundry on my laundry days, there will be "new" laundry in the baskets. *shrug* I don't care. 

 

I will say my kids are not dedicated to putting away their clean clothes. This used to be an argument point, but I don't care anymore. If they want to wear their clothes straight out of the basket, I guess that is their prerogative. The only deal-breakers with this is that they can't mess the clean basket all up and I'm not re-washing something that hasn't been worn, so it better be on their body or still folded in the basket. Fortunately, there aren't any cats peeing on my kids clothing, so that isn't an issue. 

[Murphy101]

swellmomma, you're not asking for advice, so I won't give it to you. If this was how my laundry picture looked, I would change several of the elements you've mentioned.

Me too. If it didn't work for me, I'd change quite a bit of that.

 

ETA: I also don't really use the phrase "caught up" on things that are never going to be "caught up". I am never going to be "caught up" on:

 

Diaper changes, making meals, doing dishes, laundry, baths, going to the bathroom, reading....

 

One does not get "caught up" on living. Ideally, one gets to keep on doing it every day. ;p

[Murphy101]

Socks. We have sock issues. My dh has cussed over socks more than anything else in our 20 year marriage. I have no idea why my children lack the ability to ever put a sock in the dirties or the sock bucket. I have even less comprehension for why that seems harder than putting them in books, kitchen cabinets, bed slats, sofa cushions, fireplace matches box....

 

Seriously. *confused*

 

My dh will just be walking through a room or whatever and all the sudden we will hear, "*><^%~ * socks! £*><*%#*^<~!" Bc sure enough there's a sock in some random spot. And it's always A sock. Never a pair. Heaven forbid.

 

I have one son that gets hazzed regularly lately by the siblings he shares a closet/bedroom with bc he is the only one that literally dumps his clothes in the floor of the closet/bedroom just to find one item and then doesn't put it back. And he is not the youngest one sharing there either. Drives his siblings nuts. They have taken to punitive responses and I don't blame them. (He wanted to go with them to earn money shoving snow and they refused to take him bc of his laundry mess. So he missed out on the first run of earnings bc he was instead putting his laundry up. And NO, he could not just dump it all in the hamper!)

[swellmomma]

Me too. If it didn't work for me, I'd change quite a bit of that.

 

ETA: I also don't really use the phrase "caught up" on things that are never going to be "caught up". I am never going to be "caught up" on:

 

Diaper changes, making meals, doing dishes, laundry, baths, going to the bathroom, reading....

 

One does not get "caught up" on living. Ideally, one gets to keep on doing it every day. ;p

 

I don't want to highjack this thread, but just wanted to clarify:

 

See growing up mom did all the laundry on Sunday.  Everything would be washed and folded and stacked on the couch and then we kids would put it all away after baths before we could watch wonderful world of disney.  So by bedtime sunday night there was zero dirty laundry in the house(the load from our dirty clothes and towels was the last one finished). Sunday nights were the only bath night (once we were teens we showered daily but we also did all our own laundry).  We wore the same pjs all week, so until Monday night bedtime there was zero dirty clothes.  We were expected to wear pants 2-3 days again before they got washed, so by wednesday there was still less than 1/2 a basket of dirty laundry for all 3 kids because it would only have shirts and 3 pairs of pants in it. So laundry was something that really was caught up, and to have anything close to a full basket meant you must do it immediately.  Just the bedding from the one bedwetter fills a basket here, all 4 kids bathe daily and no one rewears outfits for days on end.  SO I can't match what it was when I grew up but that thought is still ingrained. 

 

LIke dishes, growing up we always had a dishwasher, it took 10 minutes to unload and put away and 15 to load it up after a meal.  It ran once a day usually at bedtime so it got unloaded at breakfast.  There was never a dirty dish out and it actually felt like dishes were always caught up.  The pots and pans we kids scrubbed after supper and put away immediately.  Since I have moved out, I have never had a dishwasher, and I have to wash everything by hand.  It never feels done.  It seems like as soon as I finish with the dishes from the current meal it is time to cook the next one and make more dirty dishes.

 

Given my circumstances now there is nothing to change things much, but I do now that if my kids did more it would help, but they can't/won't.  DD14 already does the bulk of the babysitting and meal prep while I am at work I don't want to pile more on her.  DS15 is ds15, he is the main destroyer of the home, and does very little around here, not for lack of my trying to train him but a combination of mood, sensory and rudeness.  DS10 tries but he has such issues with sensory and spatial perception and the attention span of a gnat. that without direct supervision causes more issues.  DD6 is just too young to do much without help.  Growing up by 9 I did almost all the house work, took care of my siblings etc.  I don't want my dd to have the burden I did back then, but the rest are not really able to be much help. I am not whining about that, it is what it is.  When I was a SAHM is was easier to keep up, it's not so much now with me working.  I just keep on trucking and getting things done even if they are never really done.  I can just understand where others are coming from that also can't get it all done kwim. 

 

Like right now I am on here, but also doing multiple other things around here, so it's not really relaxing nor is it for long.  The thought of curling up under a blanket and reading sounds delightful, the last time I did that I had swine flu and the end result of my talking time to read during my illness instead of everything else was CPS at my door.  My kids do not just play contently, if it is quiet here just like when they were toddlers it usually means they (specifically ds15) are up to no good. 

 

The one thing being a SAHM helped with was I was able to do so much more during the day which meant I could try to head to bed earlier.  Now I often can not even begin the chores/dishes/laundry etc until after 9pm, when I am already tired and cranky.  When I was purely a SAHM, I could tackle that stuff right away when I was rested and refreshed and I think that impacted how much I got done, and what my attitude about it was.

 

I am not whining about what needs to be done.  That is the nature of running a home, I can just understand how others can feel overwhelmed by what needs to be done, especially if like me they don't have a spouse pitching in, or kids able to do so.  Whining won't get the chores done faster, so I don't bother with that.  BUT I do think that being a WOHM vs a SAHM means I need to streamline more and purge more.  It was easier when I was a SAHM to have more stuff because I was here more to tend to it properly kwim.

[SKL]

When I was a teen, we had a family of 8, and I was the oldest daughter.  One of my chores was to do the laundry for the entire family (including a baby in cloth diapers).  It was 20 loads per week.  It was a weekend job, as my daily responsibilities outside of school/homework included caring for my younger siblings, cleaning the kitchen, keeping the wood burning stove fed with wood and the driveway shoveled, and I had a few afternoon paper routes.  The laundry was done in the basement.  I would start with a big mountain of clothes in the middle of the floor and eight empty baskets around it.  Sorted everything into buckets or piles, prioritized, and lined them up in order at the laundry room door.  LOL.  To be quite honest, I was always at least a little behind.  It takes a fair amount of motivation to do 20 loads of laundry over 2 days when you're a busy teen.  :)

[mommymilkies]

It really depends.  If you have a maid, nanny, and chef, it's probably decidedly less difficult, but then again those things are so foreign to me, that I can't even begin to imagine.  I have worked very demanding jobs (factory, call center, sp ed, hospice, post-surgical, infertility, etc.) and being a SAHM is very difficult in a different way than WOH.  WOH is more difficult in that I saw the kids very little, it affected our relationships, it was constant rushing, etc.  SAHM is difficult because I don't even get the pleasure of a 10 minute commute for time to myself, a lunch break, adult conversation, respect for my job, compensation (monetary or benefits), or any time off.  There are no work parties, travel to stay in nice hotels or go to conferences, etc. I don't have the extra money or the ability to defend the need for outside help, so I do all of the grunt work-house repairs, plumbing, shoveling, cleaning, everything.  That's something I could easily pass off when I worked or people would tell me I should not have to do.  Apparently caring for and educating 5 children does not entitle you to assistance, though, since you're not a wage earner.  It's isolating where I live, and you're treated like a second class citizen by many people.

 

Now, I'm not jealous about dh's need to get to work by 8-9 am, but I do admit I look back fondly at being able to have a more respected and simple life when I worked and others would help with my sick kids.  But I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I don't want an outside job.  So to me, it's certainly worth the trade off. 

[mommymilkies]

Um.  There's a lot of it.  It doesn't take much time to get the machine started or change from washer to dryer but it does interrupt what I'm doing & transitions, especially with kids, take time.  Folding & putting away also takes time.  I'm at a loss how to explain any more than that.  Do I spend hours every day doing laundry?  No.  But it does take a significant chunk, is never really over, & frequently interrupts my day.  I do wish there was less of it, but it is probably one of my favorite tasks - except putting away - that I could do without.

 

 And, no,  I don't know any IRL SAHMs who enjoy that kind of leisure on most days.  Believe it or not.  There is always something to be done.

 

Oh, & I'll update my siggie.  My youngest is 3 & just got rid of diapers.

Exactly.  Add in a GI sickness, swimming, or snowy weather, and you might as well give up some days.  :lol:  I even have help and it's still hard.  Our washer (NEW!) exploded the front glass last year right before Christmas.  While we waited for the warranty to fix it, we washed the laundry by hand and lugged some of it to the laundromat for two months. It might have been easier if I had the equipment my great-grandparents had-a giant laundry tub, washboard, wringer, etc.  But when you have a camp washer and a bathtub?  Not so much. The work is truly neverending.  So sometimes I give up and spend some time on the net as my self-appointed "lunch break".  :coolgleamA:

[I.Dup.]

I agree with what Martha said. I have 7 kids, 6 of them are boys age 8 and under. Maybe I will be phenomenally busy when they are all teens, but I hope not. I just posted a status on facebook about how I hate running around and just can't be the mom who is always running around. Being out for 2 hours running necessary errands this afternoon was stressful for me, and I had a lot to catch up on when I got back home. I like being at home. I don't mind the housework. My kids get quite a bit of screen time- the days are long, and I get lots of computer time each day- let's be real.

 

But I'm not one who feels that I have to be hand holding my kids all the time, entertaining them, doing everything for them, etc.

 

So I dunno.

[kbutton]

You know, several people have commented on the tedium and lack of intellectual stimulation involved in parenting. And that's something I just don't get. As I said, I worked as an editor and tech writer for about 10 years, per-kids, and I found those jobs bored me literally to tears many days. I used to fall asleep at my desk out of a sheer lack of will to remain awake. For several of those years, I suffered from insomnia, in large part because I knew that going to sleep would only mean waking up in the morning and going back to the office.

 

On the other hand, being "at home" with my kids, teaching them and parenting them (at least the way I've done it) requires me to be "on" pretty much all the time. There is great variety of task, and I'm called on to use my brain and think creatively in ways no job has ever required of me.

 

So, in my case, working was "easier," but I also hated it. At home, homeschooling mom is the most challenging "job" I've ever had -- and it hasn't gotten a lot easier with teens -- but I also know in my heart it's important and worthy of my energy. So, when I say it's "hard," I'm not complaining, just acknowledging the facts of how this is for me. I would much rather be here than in an office, but, yeah, working was a whole lot less demanding.

 

And I completely agree with the part of your quote that I bolded. I never cease to be amazed at how sure some people can be that they have "the answer" and that their own experiences are more valid or true than those of others.

 

I worked as a tech writer in three different jobs. My first job was incredibly challenging, and the people I worked with were an education all in themselves. I chose to stay home for many reasons and don't regret it, but I miss that job EVERY DAY. Nothing about it was more significant than my job parenting and teaching my children, and I do not regret coming home; however, I had no idea how hard it would be to find people to relate to. I am not a hermit, and others have commented on how well I can build bridges with others; unfortunately, most people I meet in every day life fall considerably short of being intellectually stimulating (I know that sounds harsh, but where I live, most people completely lack curiosity about anything--I grew up in an area where most people are not well educated or well traveled, and yet, they are extremely interested in many topics). 

 

I find most of my work at home tedious and always have, even before I stayed home (I am not cut out for work that is unending, thankless, and destined to be undone within hours or minutes). I don't mind small amounts of housework, but mostly it drives me batty. I teach my kids to help, but with my kids, it's more work than doing it myself at times. Leaving them to their own devices while I clean is impossible, so we work together. Homeschooling is the only thing that keeps me from going completely mad--it is intellectually challenging. Unfortunately, I have intense kids with big issues--even my sweet child requires a lot of work. I also don't really have someone that I can talk to about it--having gifted kids with special needs makes discussion in real life rather uncomfortable for others (being like everyone else is an elevated value here). I find them intellectually draining as much as stimulating. It's just stressful. I love them to pieces, but they are exhausting.

 

Hubby works in a demanding industry, and when he's home, he's in recovery mode. We have no family nearby.

[kbutton]

This is my feeling, too. I can't understand how there are at least a hundred "regulars" here at any given time, folks who post here every day or most every day (including myself), yet the majority of mothers don't have a half-hour of chill time on a regular basis? Who is watching all the episodes of Downton Abbey, then? How can folks have an opinion on John & Kate Plus 8 if they never have ten minutes to relax? Who reads all those Nicholas Sparks books?  :laugh:  

 

My life was busier when my kids were little. Back then, the parents with teenagers said, "Just wait!"  My SIL once said, when another SIL announced her 3rd pregnancy, "You do know these kids grow into teenagers, right? What will you do then?" Now I have teenagers and I think it's mostly not difficult. 

 

 

Boy, you said that so very much better than I did. I'm so glad the mother who is saying this has ten kids, which no doubt, most folks think is totally nuts!  :laugh:

 

My downtime comes at direct expense to getting things accomplished. However, I cannot just go, go, go all day and then drop into bed. I won't sleep at all. I also need lots of sleep. So, my productive time is considerably shortened. If I do active things within two hours of going to bed (or mental work either), I won't sleep. My husband works evening, weekends, and holidays, so my downtime is limited by that also. When he is home, he is in recovery mode (long shifts, demanding work, tons of difficult people interaction), so he often wants me to take one of the kids with me because he's not up to dealing with them either (intense, special needs, etc.). So, even relaxing is not relaxing--it's running out of juice and piddling around until it's time to go to bed. It's not rejuvenating. Being in stress mode all the time also lessens my effectiveness when I am going full throttle. It's really a big, nasty, and unproductive loop.

 

[Katy]

I didn't read all the responses, but I find that for me, staying at home is easy.  That's in comparison to working in nursing, where there is constant life-or-death drama. All the stress seems small in comparison.  I've had conversations about how much just a single summer working as a nurse's aide helped my parenting skills - when dozens of people are screaming at you and there literally isn't enough to go around and every aspect of it is both filthy and emotionally wrenching, after a few total breakdowns sooner or later you learn to calm down, triage problems, and handle everything else in stride.

 

Also, I find a lot of comfort in trusting those studies that show that the way children turn out is largely genetic, except for religion and moral values.  I make sure I push our values on them, and try and make sure they're always challenged and value hard work over talent, but otherwise I largely try and let them turn out however they are inclined.  I try very hard to make sure my eyes light up every time I see them but other than that I don't work very hard.  Especially compared to some of you.  I use mostly self-teaching curriculum after about age 7, and my active involvement in their learning probably takes less time than some of my friends spend on helping their kids with their homework.

[ElaineJ]

I think it is very challenging, but I think a lot of that has to do with my introversion. When I worked outside the home I was working with people, but then I would come home and just be quiet. I had a lot more time to think, and I could conserve my "people" energy so as to be successfully interactive at work. I feel a lot stupider as a mom, honestly, as I am always living beyond my people capacity and it shuts down my brain. You know how you feel sort of "dopey" when you haven't had enough sleep? I feel like being a mom has kind of made me function like that all of the time. It is worth it, but I find it difficult.

Elaine

[Guest]

Swellmomma, I appreciate your sharing from the heart. I do understand how our experiences growing up shape our own home and family management. I think some of my intense need for order is a reaction to growing up in a home that was a constant mess. 

 

At the same time, though, it may help if you reframe some of your assumptions. I hear Martha saying she has come to terms with the fact that some things are never going to be caught up because they are a daily aspect of life. I believe that acceptance makes a major difference in the stress level of perceived "failure" to get things done. 

 

I had two bedwetters, so I understand how that cannot wait, but even with that, it didn't turn into a big obstacle. I chucked all the wet stuff in the wash, got it going and re-made the bed with dry things.  Washing towels all the time - why? It's adding so much unnecessary work. Do they have a spot for hanging to dry? 

 

Also, the title of this thread is about being a SAHM and whether or not it is hard. I completely and fully understand how it is harder to get things done if you are the single parent and/or the only earner that puts bread on the table. I work part time and I go to college and, while those activities to add to my to-do list, I fully appreciate that I do not have the stress of sole earner hanging over my head. Even my college classes are more for my pleasure and fulfillment than they are strictly necessary so I can earn. What I don't understand being described as hard are full-time at-home moms, not the primary earner mom saying they never have a moment to relax whatsoever. I mean, yeah, if you just had triplets a week ago and you have 3 adopted children with special needs already, or some other extraordinary situation, but if that were the case, I can't imagine spending any time whatsoever coming here. I do have downtime and I still recognize that this enjoyable on-line debate is pretty much useless for any constructive purpose.

 

The more I've thought about, the less I can understand how anyone who frequents this forum - or even comes here at all - can describe themselves as so constantly on-call that they can't imagine sitting snuggled on the couch for an hour. If it were between coming here at midnight and going to bed knowing I need to be up at 6 the next morning, without a doubt, I wouldn't come here. 

 

 

Also, I find a lot of comfort in trusting those studies that show that the way children turn out is largely genetic, except for religion and moral values.  I make sure I push our values on them, and try and make sure they're always challenged and value hard work over talent, but otherwise I largely try and let them turn out however they are inclined.  I try very hard to make sure my eyes light up every time I see them but other than that I don't work very hard.  Especially compared to some of you.  I use mostly self-teaching curriculum after about age 7, and my active involvement in their learning probably takes less time than some of my friends spend on helping their kids with their homework.

 

This is what I think, too, right down to how they turn out being largely genetic. I do things with them, and am actively involved with them everyday, but not all day. Short bits here and there.

[8circles]

Quill, I can't quote such a long post on my phone. I guess I don't get what you seem to need to understand. Your experience as a Sahm you consider easy/not hard. I consider my experience as a sahm as hard. I don't need advice on how to improve it or commiseration that its so hard or anything, really. Maybe an acceptance of my reality as I see it. It isn't a complaint, its just a statement of fact. I think being a sahm is hard. By I love it and wouldn't change a thing. Besides, hard work is good for the soul IMO.

 

And I don't post here a lot, but when I do, it is usually when I'm out and about, waiting for my children or going other work on the computer and waiting for something else. Right now I'm stuck in the traffic in a snowstorm trying to get home from church.

 

I don't even know why I'm indulging in explaining myself. Sometimes I think people just don't want to understand another POV or situation and just want to be right.

[SKL]

I totally agree, Quill, being here is the wrong choice for me a lot of the time.  ;)  I come here when work stress causes me to want a distraction.  Frequently, I stay here a lot longer than I originally intended.  And then my work stress increases, and I have to do more all-nighters.  It's a poor choice I make.  It's not a matter of not having any other choice.  Though, there have been times in my life when I was so busy and exhauted, sitting down to rest would be disastrous, as I would be unable to get back up any time soon.  Though to be honest, that is usually caused by my own poor planning.

 

For most moms most of the time, the sense that we "can't" or "shouldn't" ever chill is more a mindset than a fact.  Yes, there are domestic chores I could be doing 24/7, but if I die without ever doing them, nobody is really going to care.  And also, it is not a sin to want to feel good or be happy.  I actually think it's a duty to work toward being happy.  I refuse to let any guilt creep up on me when we're talking about stuff that does not in fact hurt anyone.

 

So, my kids usually sleep in their clothes, don't bathe every day, and only change sheets once in several months.  Towels get re-used until the next time I do laundry, at least a week and often longer.  My second-graders are in charge of sweeping the floors, and I don't care if there is visible dust / hair / crumbs unless someone is coming over.  We do not have pets.  My kids' beds are never "made" and they probably don't even know what "make your bed" means.  My kids are allowed to eat in the car and clean up after themselves.  I never take down the Christmas tree, so I never have to put it back up.  There are many nooks and corners in my home that are permanently dusty or cruddy.  But, I do make an effort to enforce habits that create less work.  Like, we don't wear shoes in the house, dishes get cleaned as we go, things get hung back up so we can re-use them.  The kids are not allowed to leave their junk all around the house (and were not, even when they were tots). 

 

And I, who am naturally opposed to clutter, have forced myself to accept it up to a point.  Just like the sound of happily playing children is a good kind of noise, the physical evidence of kids playing is a good kind of clutter.  As long as it gets cleared periodically so we don't forget what the place looks like when it's neat.

 

There was only one time in my life when I got to the point of tears over mom exhaustion.  Yes, this was during a SAHM period when my kids were babies.  Actually everything was going just fine, except that I didn't view my performance as perfect enough.  I changed my mindset and relaxed.

 

Again, this is me talking about me.  I have an average mom experience.  It is definitely not as hard as some.  I only have two kids who are close in age.  No significant medical needs or extreme developmental problems.  On the other hand, I'm single and 47, which means a demanding/stressful job, no relief from a true partner, and a body that protests beyond a point.  So not a cakewalk, either.  Just a normal average life in my opinion.

[LibraryLover]

Before my kids did their own laundry, I did laundry on Sunday. I'd put in a movie and fold and fold.  As I folded, I would call a child or two or three and hand them a stack of their own clothing,  separated by item.  I'd hand them folded shirts say,  and tell them to put it away and come back for more. They would come back for their pants, then their socks/undies etc until it was all put away.  I did not  put their items in baskets at all.   I only wash my own clothing now; dh does his, the kids' do their own, whenever. There are hampers in their closets. I don't like dirty clothing on the bathroom floor etc.