My Long Lost Father (very long)

[Plateau Mama]

I'm not sure if This is a WWYD or just a vent so please bear with me.

 

My parents divorced when I was 2. Until I was 7 I would visit my father in the summer, he was in a different state. It wasn't necessarily a pleasant experience, nor was it horrible. His wife stayed home yet my 1/2 sister and I were in daycare. When my dad was home he'd take us on the back of his motor cycle and we'd hang out at the bar.

 

My grandfather became ill with cancer when I was 7 and he died when I was 8 . So those two summers I spent with him. I also spent the following summer with my grandmother because she was really lonely and wanted me there. Then we moved.

 

When I was 9 my father informed me that I had a baby brother. He had always wanted a boy and hated the fact it as a girl. (I could give examples but lets just assume this is fact.). I didn't hear from him for a couple years. Then around 11/12 he calls to invite me out for the summer. I said I'd discuss with my parents. He never called me back, we tried calling him but his number had been disconnected. This wasn't unusual, he moved more frequently than some people go shopping. Usually to get away from the police(drugs etc).

 

I didn't hear from him until I was 16 and got a letter. Well I was 16, I knew how horrible he was (according to my mother, but I now know she tends to exaggerate. I'm sure a most is true, but I don't know how much is embellished. I don't really care to be honest.). I'm sure my return letter had the 16yo attitude. He responded back totally flaming me for being a horrible daughter etc. we realized after getting his response his wife had written the first letter, not him. I couldn't (and still 25 years later) am shocked he would blame a 6-7 yo for not sending him a card on his birthday. (In all my life, he never paid child support and he only gave me Christmas presents once).

 

FF to yesterday. I was picking up my son from my moms and there was a letter addressed to my mom/me with her previous married name which I took when I was 17. It was from my father with his contact info asking to hear from me.

 

So long story short I don't know what to do. Part of me just wants to ignore it all, but part of me has been thinking about finding him. A good friend said something a couple years ago that stuck with me. "If he was an addict he probably did the best he could at the time." This also goes back to my mother and her exaggerations. How much is true? How horrible was he really and was it the drugs. For whatever it's worth she has always maintained that while they were married he was always a very good dad.

 

So if I email him then he has access to me but not my family, but I'm not sure I'm strong enough to ignore him if this goes south. It would also give him my last name, which would then give him the ability to not only find me, but DH's parents who are in the same state. I'm not sure he's worth the trouble of keeping an anonymous e-mail. If I mail him then he has access to my address. Not that I ever think he will show up, it's not a risk I want to take. I do not want my children to know about him. There's also the issue of him contacting my in laws. That would not be pretty, on either end.

 

My husband thinks I should maybe just send him a letter w/o a return address and be done with it. He doesn't think my father deserves a relationship with me, but he would support whatever I wanted.

 

My mother informed me that she emailed him back with the kids first name and ages but would give him any personal information. I'm kind of pissed that she did that, but on the other hand I wonder if that is enough to leave it at that?

[Kathryn]

First, I would ask your mother to refrain from divulging ANY information about you or your family at all. Second, it sounds like you've been curious, so I might do the anonymous email thing to satisfy my curiosity. It's really not any trouble to get an email address to use just for that.

 

I have a similar father who decided to reappear in my life as an adult. Contact is still limited to half a dozen emails a year and a two-hour visit once a year. Neither of us are all that interested in anything more.

[OneStepAtATime]

Wow, that is a really tough situation.  I don't know that I have any advice since every situation is different.  I feel for you.  I would think safety would be a huge concern since you don't know what his state of mind is or even what he might be capable of or what other people are in his life right now that could negatively impact your own if he were to gain access to you and your family.  

 

I will say this from the emotional side:  I have a friend with a dad who is NOT a drug addict.  In fact, he was a highly respected member of his community.  He is also a horrible person.  He has caused nothing but grief to his three kids (including my friend) for their entire lives.  All three of them and ME ended up in therapy trying to cope with all the mental abuse he heaped on them.  I spent several years in my early twenties just loathing this man for all he had done to my best friends.  Despite that, after a period of separation, two of his kids have worked to maintain a decent relationship with him and I think it has helped them to know they have done the best they could to try and make things work.  No guilt when he dies, etc. and his health is now pretty poor.  They have come to accept him even with all of his flaws and have found that although he really is pretty narcissistic and unstable, he also does care about them in his own way.  The third has wasted a lot of her life hating him and trying to avoid him.  She also feels guilt at not trying to have a better relationship with him.  It is not a healthy place to be.   But everyone is different and every situation is different.  Not sure of the answer here.  No one seems to win in these situations.  

 

I feel for you and am so sorry you have been put in this position.  Big hugs.

[Kim in Appalachia]

My husband thinks I should maybe just send him a letter w/o a return address and be done with it. He doesn't think my father deserves a relationship with me, but he would support whatever I wanted.

 

Your father does not deserve a relationship with you.  This is about what you want.  If you are curious and have the emotional strength to have any contact, then go forward, with a lot of caution.  If you don't want to open that can of worms, then don't.  But again, your father doesn't deserve anything.   :grouphug:

[Rachel]

I'm sorry.

 

I've been through something similar with my mom. Now that she has her life straightened out she is a lot better. She has always known where to find us as we did have contact with her parents.

 

She has been clean for about 8 years. During that time my brother has been able to develop a good relationship with her. My sister and I have an on again off again relationship with her. I don't think she is a bad person despite what I have been told, I do think it's hard for her to understand how I was hurt by her lack of participation in my life.

 

I am glad I never completely cut her out of my life, as I learn more about her struggles, I have sympathy for her. She would like I step into my life and be grandma to my kids, pretending that 20 years of stuff never happened. I struggle with that and need more boundaries. She is my friend on Facebook and I do let her see pictures of the kids, I'm not comfortable with her sending extravagant presents to them though.

 

So, I don't know if I have been helpful, but I do sympathize with you and hope you can find a solution that works in your situation.

[Twigs]

IF you decide to contact him thru email, you can always set up a separate email account with an email address that has no personal info in it. I have 2 "dummie" email accounts that have no personal info. I have other email accounts using my name.

Hugs and best wishes whatever you decide.

[Tap]

It has been so many years that I would give it a chance.  He could be the same person or he could be an entirely different one.  Set up a phony email and have it forwarded to your main one.  That way you don't have to check it and any mail will show up in your main account. It is easy to do and will still keep your information private. Also if you want to cut off contact, you can do so by just shutting down the account.  I would just use the name you used to have as the first part of the address and leave it at that.  If you use your mom's address you can keep yours private but you also get her involved in the mess and you may want some space from her on this topic.

 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

[Plateau Mama]

Second, it sounds like you've been curious, so I might do the anonymous email thing to satisfy my curiosity. It's really not any trouble to get an email address to use just for that.

 I know it's not any trouble, but to me it just seems like a too much trouble to me for him. It will probably be what I do of I proceed, I don't see any other way to keep it anonymous.

 

Wow, that is a really tough situation.  I don't know that I have any advice since every situation is different.  I feel for you.  I would think safety would be a huge concern since you don't know what his state of mind is or even what he might be capable of or what other people are in his life right now that could negatively impact your own if he were to gain access to you and your family..  

 

 

See, that's my debate. In the letter he seemed clean. His handwriting was neat and thoughts coherent. Not argumentative like in the past. He also send two photos after my mom contacted him and he looks/clean healthy. He also sent a photo of my 1/2 brother and his son. So I know he was capable of taking care of and staying in his sons life, which honestly is the part that hurts the most. My mother never interfered with my seeing him, he just wasn't interested after my brother was born.

 

My husband thinks I should maybe just send him a letter w/o a return address and be done with it. He doesn't think my father deserves a relationship with me, but he would support whatever I wanted.[/size]

 

Your father does not deserve a relationship with you.  This is about what you want.  If you are curious and have the emotional strength to have any contact, then go forward, with a lot of caution.  If you don't want to open that can of worms, then don't.  But again, your father doesn't deserve anything.   :grouphug:

I know he doesn't deserve anything. I feel bad for him. I guess that is why I might do this. I don't need to know about him or his life, I just feel bad that I have a great life and he missed out.  That being said, I know without a doubt I turned out better w/o his influence.

I don't have any advice for if you contact him and it goes south.  That's a big possibility.  But FOR ME, regrets over what I didn't do last far longer than the hurt over what I did do, that she didn't respond to as I had hoped.

  This is my thought too. If I don't there will always be the what if. But it's a big can of worms to open. 

.

I am glad I never completely cut her out of my life, as I learn more about her struggles, I have sympathy for her. She would like I step into my life and be grandma to my kids, pretending that 20 years of stuff never happened. I struggle with that and need more boundaries. She is my friend on Facebook and I do let her see pictures of the kids, I'm not comfortable with her sending extravagant presents to them though.

So, I don't know if I have been helpful, but I do sympathize with you and hope you can find a solution that works in your situation.

.

I told him when I was 16 that he would never be my dad but maybe we could be friends/acquaintances ?? I just wish I knew what he wanted. Is he wanting to jump in and be grandpa, or is he curious? Ugh.

[Plateau Mama]

I am going to talk with my Uncle before i do anything. He is a police officer and he knows the whole back story obviously. So he can help me make sure I don't do anything that will reveal my location. I still live in the same area I grew up in but my father has no way of knowing that.

[Cera]

He obviously has your mom's address as that is where the letter was sent to.  If you are interested in hearing what he has to say why not send him a letter with her address as the return address?  Sign it with only your first name.  If you eventually want to allow him to know more about your life now you can give him your address and married name.  If you decide after hearing from him further (assuming he continues to write to you) that you don't want a relationship with him you haven't revealed anything he doesn't already know.

[Kathryn]

He obviously has your mom's address as that is where the letter was sent to. If you are interested in hearing what he has to say why not send him a letter with her address as the return address? Sign it with only your first name. If you eventually want to allow him to know more about your life now you can give him your address and married name. If you decide after hearing from him further (assuming he continues to write to you) that you don't want a relationship with him you haven't revealed anything he doesn't already know.

That was my initial thought before I read that her mom had given out information that she didn't want her to. I don't think I'd involve mom anymore.

[Plateau Mama]

He obviously has your mom's address as that is where the letter was sent to.  If you are interested in hearing what he has to say why not send him a letter with her address as the return address?  Sign it with only your first name.  If you eventually want to allow him to know more about your life now you can give him your address and married name.  If you decide after hearing from him further (assuming he continues to write to you) that you don't want a relationship with him you haven't revealed anything he doesn't already know.

  

That was my initial thought before I read that her mom had given out information that she didn't want her to. I don't think I'd involve mom anymore.

I thought about that, but Kathryn is right, yesterday she said she was only going to tell him I have the information. today she tells me she told him about my kids. I also don't necessarily want her having access to our conversations.

[jelbe5]

I know he doesn't deserve anything. I feel bad for him. I guess that is why I might do this. I don't need to know about him or his life, I just feel bad that I have a great life and he missed out. That being said, I know without a doubt I turned out better w/o his influence. This is my thought too. If I don't there will always be the what if. But it's a big can of worms to open. .

 

I told him when I was 16 that he would never be my dad but maybe we could be friends/acquaintances ?? I just wish I knew what he wanted. Is he wanting to jump in and be grandpa, or is he curious? Ugh.

Please don't feel sorry for him . . . he made his life choices and you should not feel bad if he missed out because of poor (and selfish and hurtful) choices. If anything you should be angry that he abandoned you and now has decided to make an appearance.

 

I think the question is "What do YOU want?" If your dad is in a recovery/12 step program he may be attempting to make amends (one of the steps). However, you are under no obligation to engage with him. Think about what you want. Do you really want him in your life? What are your expectations? Will it be disruptive and emotionally draining for you to respond to him? What will happen if you open the door and it turns out he has not really changed? These and other questions should be contemplated before proceeding.

 

And I second what another poster said. Tell your mom that she is not to give out any information about you or your family.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

Tough situation ...I agree about telling mom not to reveal any more info and maybe you could Edith send a letter with no return info or set up another email and not use your new name and contact him that way. Alot of hurts and issues there...alto of wrongs done to you.  ((hugs)) good luck

 

[Kathryn]

Yes, this is not about what he "deserves," but about what you want. If you're curious or want closure, proceed carefully. If you really just don't care, ignore it. Only you can decide how you should or should not respond. :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

I am going to talk with my Uncle before i do anything. He is a police officer and he knows the whole back story obviously. So he can help me make sure I don't do anything that will reveal my location. I still live in the same area I grew up in but my father has no way of knowing that.

I think that is an excellent idea. I also think you need to ask your mother to stay out of this and to refrain from giving your father any information about you or your family.

 

This is a tough decision. The only question I think you need to ask yourself if that if you found out he'd died, would you always wonder what he wanted when he tried to contact you? If the answer is that the curiosity would drive you crazy or that you would be filled with regret, then go ahead and contact him via an anonymous email account. Otherwise, wait a while and see how you feel in a week or a month or a year. The ball is in your court, and you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

 

And I hate to say this, but what if he's contacting you because he needs a kidney or something, and no one else in the family matches? What will you do if he truly needs help? Personally, I don't think he would deserve your help, but if you tend to be super-kindhearted and forgiving, that is something to think about before you get in touch with him. You could be setting yourself up for a lot of drama and heartache.

 

I also think your dh's feelings matter a lot, because if you re-establish contact with your father, your dh and the kids will eventually be involved.

[StephanieZ]

If you want to email him and test the waters, then simply open a new gmail account. You can set it to forward to your regular address, but if so, just be careful to only reply from the new dad-only email account. This way, if things go south, you can just delete that email account and be done with it.

 

Likewise, if you want to call him, just buy a cheap $25 prepaid cell and use only that phone to contact him.

 

He need not know (and should not be made aware if you can help it) of these security measures you take. If, at some point, you trust him enough to share your real info, then just tell him you have changed phone numbers or email addy. People do that all the time.

[Plateau Mama]

.

I think that is an excellent idea. I also think you need to ask your mother to stay out of this and to refrain from giving your father any information about you or your family.

This is a tough decision. The only question I think you need to ask yourself if that if you found out he'd died, would you always wonder what he wanted when he tried to contact you? If the answer is that the curiosity would drive you crazy or that you would be filled with regret, then go ahead and contact him via an anonymous email account. Otherwise, wait a while and see how you feel in a week or a month or a year. The ball is in your court, and you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

And I hate to say this, but what if he's contacting you because he needs a kidney or something, and no one else in the family matches? What will you do if he truly needs help? Personally, I don't think he would deserve your help, but if you tend to be super-kindhearted and forgiving, that is something to think about before you get in touch with him. You could be setting yourself up for a lot of drama and heartache.

I also think your dh's feelings matter a lot, because if you re-establish contact with your father, your dh and the kids will eventually be involved.

If he died tomorrow I'd not give him another thought. I wouldn't wonder. I've never missed him in my life. When I got married my husband tried desperately to get me to invite him to my wedding. Until recently he thought I had. I couldn't do it. I had this fear that he would actually show up and I couldn't risk upsetting my dad that way. My mom wouldn't have cared, or if she did she never would have said anything, but my dad would have been furious.

 

He chose my brother over me. Whatever his reason that is always how I've felt. I felt it at 9 when he stopped calling, I feel it at 40. For that I am angry. I'm not angry he left my life, I'm angry why he left my life. I don't know if I'm saying it clearly or not.

 

If he needed help I would not give it. My kidneys (or any other part of me) are for my mother (who only has one to begin with), or my children. He did nothing to help me as a child, never paid child support (a whole $50/month). He acknowledged my birthday or Christmas, never both in the same year and only until I was 8, if that. He left my mom in a new state w/o any money for weeks while he was hiding from the authorities or shacking up with his girlfriend or whatever it was. My mom had a jar of peanut butter and a gallon of milk that she got from the Salvation Army to feed me until she got her first paycheck (I was 1.) She didn't know if or when he'd return. Of course that story, while consistent, falls under the she tends to exaggerate and the truth is somewhere, but I'll never know.

 

My husband will support me no matter what. If I were to say I was flying there to see him he'd have a problem but otherwise he will support me. He even said maybe I should call him. That would never happen. I don't even like talking on the phone to people I like, let alone strangers. He read the letter and for the millionth time said, I don't know how you turned out normal.

[Miss Mousie]

Consider this possibility:

 

What you really want from your father is far more than acknowledgement and apology - and you will be lucky if you even get those.  I just don't think there is anything he can do or say to "make up for" 30 years of nothing. 

 

I have no direct experience with this kind of situation, but as I'm trying to imagine how it all would feel, well, I just get angry and indignant.

 

Even if he says, "you're right, I should have loved on you as much as I loved on Jr.," it won't do anything to soothe three decades of sting.

 

:grouphug:

[Carrie12345]

It all comes down to what YOU are willing to handle.

My 2 sisters and I all have different limits on what we want in our lives. They have two different levels of contact with our father and I have none. It's what works for each of us, and has nothing to do with what he could or couldn't, can't or won't do.

[Plateau Mama]

My husband is all on board with me contacting him. He even said next time we are in his state (which is 1-2x a year) we should go see him. I said no way was I giving up vacation time to spend with strangers. My husband tends to have a Pollyanna view when it comes to family situations. (Take my crazy MIL situation.)

 

When I told him no way would I go see them he said "I'll have my brother go scout it out. They can totally hang out. My brother is good at that stuff and he'd totally do it." I had to laugh because I could totally see it. (Not that I'd ask him to do that, but I could totally see the situation unfold.)

[Scarlett]

Well I have total sympathy for you. I too have a long lost father who has NEVER reached out to me. He raised my half sister, even gaining custody of her. Yet never acknowledged me. My sister and I have been reunited for 5 years and have a close bond....it hurts me at times to realize how good of a father he was to her while being non existent for me. It hurts my sister too...she can't reconcile the two parts of him.

 

I would probably err on the side of mercy. Also do you have no interest in your brother? And what happened to your half sister that you mentioned earlier?

[Plateau Mama]

I don't really have any interest in knowing my half brother. I have no idea what happened to my step sister. My BFF found both their Facebook and Instagram profiles and they are public. There is no indication of her or her kid(s) anywhere. She had a baby at 16/17 and is 2 years older than me. She could be in the Facebook photos. I wouldn't know her if my life depended on it, but the only FB friend with her first name is not the right age.

 

Maybe I'm heartless for not jumping at the chance to meet my brother. I just don't see myself gaining anything but stress by letting them into my life, especially after seeing their Facebook pages. My 1/2 brother seems like an OK guy and I truly don't fault him for what happened, but I'm just not sure I need to make up for whatever he feels like he's missing. If I could get to know him without involving my father I'd probably be more comfortable with it. But I can't and I'm not. Every time I think of my father and then my brother I just cry because I can't understand why he could love him and not me.

 

After the holidays when I'm done getting my son settled into school and am thru with dealing with my crazy MIL, maybe I can do it, but I just don't think I have it in me right now.

[Plateau Mama]

Guess who invited my mother and her husband to come visit? This is just weirder and weirder. (She said no thank you, in case you were wondering. ;-)

[trulycrabby]

Honestly? I'd be sooo very suspicious of why he is trying to contact you after all of these years. My very cynical side says that he is going to ask for money in some shape or fashion. At this point, the only contact I would have with him is to serve him with a restraining order if he continues to try to contact you. I'm sorry if this post seems bitter or harsh; it reflects my own anger at my worthless  biological father and isn't meant for you at all. I just get angry when someone who wasn't around when you really needed him decides to turn up years too late because of whatever (possibly selfish) reason.

 

[Plateau Mama]

As far as I know he hasn't asked about me any further. He has asked about her family (brothers, mother etc). My mom thinks he is harmless and is just excited to have found some link. But she did say she wants me to be cautious of my brother, simply because we know nothing about him. I have made it clear to her that she is not to give him any information about me. I played the grand kid card and said my utmost priority was keeping them safe and keeping them out of all of this. There is no need for them to ever know anything about this.

 

My mother has no money, she has been unemployed for a year. He has no idea, nor do I ever intend for him to find out, where we are financially. I did briefly think about putting a lock with the credit agencies, but I doubt he has my SSN, and if he were going to do something he would have done it years ago.

[Plateau Mama]

So, I contacted my father last week. I simply said I heard he was trying to reach me. (I've decided I'm not volunteering information. If he wants to know something he can ask me directly and I'll answer if I'm comfortable.). He immediately sent email to my mother asking why my email was my maiden/adopted name. Then he sent me several photos of my brother and his son. No note, no apology, no explanation, no I've missed you, no thanks for contacting me. Just photos of his son whom he abandoned me for.

[school17777]

(((Hugs)))

[mommymonster]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  

 

 

 

 

[Lawana]

Ouch! I am so sorry for your latest pain.

[MinivanMom]

I'm so sorry.

 

Is it possible that the reason he has tried to contact you is because your brother wants to meet you? Could your father just be acting as a go-between at your half-brother's request? That would explain sending the photos. It's not unusual for siblings in these situations to reach out to one another.

[Twigs]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[gracesteacher]

(HUGS)

[Plateau Mama]

I'm so sorry.

 

Is it possible that the reason he has tried to contact you is because your brother wants to meet you? Could your father just be acting as a go-between at your half-brother's request? That would explain sending the photos. It's not unusual for siblings in these situations to reach out to one another.

Well, if that was the case why has he not contacted me nor has anyone given me his contact information? I really think it's more likely that my father said my brother wanted to meet me to try and pull heart strings.

 

One piece of information I haven't mentioned, he sent me a Christmas card (to my mother) two weeks after the first (which means it was sent a week after she made contact) begging me to give him a chance. (Which pissed me off, you wait 30 years and you can't give me a few weeks?)

[Plateau Mama]

But what about if the police-officer uncle were able to fill the third-party role?

 

I have a person in my life that I have done this with. For one thing, it takes a little energy to write a real letter. Emails tend to be spontaneous, which increases the possibility of emotional responses on both sides. And if he isn't willing to write a real letter back, then that is another clue. Snail mail just slows everything down and sometimes, that is a really important thing.

He lives in another state so that wouldn't be a feasible option. But even if it were so I don't care enough to get paper, pen, write a letter, address, stamp (which I'd probably have to go buy) etc. this person has never done anything for me, nothing. I feel no obligation to make an effort here. If he had said something, anything I'd have made an effort, but I'm not willing to ignore the last 30 years and pretend we are a big happy family.

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:

[LMD]

Ouch. I'm so sorry.

Before i read your update i was going to say that you sound angry with him (with good reason!) and i don't think getting involved again with such emotional investment is a good idea.

I can somewhat relate. My father was in another state & mostly absent from my life growing up. I did a lot of work letting go, and then sent him a no holds barred letter with a way he could contact me. It was his last chance. That was 10 years ago. He did contact me and over the years we have s.l.o.w.l.y built a good relationship. I don't have the emotional energy or stability to do the same with my mother or half-siblings at present.

Anyway, again, I'm sorry. It's a tough thing to deal with.

[Jaz]

I'm sorry that was his response.

[OneStepAtATime]

Best wishes.  So sorry this is not going well.

[Miss Mousie]

I'm so sorry he hurt you, yet again.  :(

[Plateau Mama]

Ouch. I'm so sorry.

Before i read your update i was going to say that you sound angry with him (with good reason!) and i don't think getting involved again with such emotional investment is a good idea.

I can somewhat relate. My father was in another state & mostly absent from my life growing up. I did a lot of work letting go, and then sent him a no holds barred letter with a way he could contact me. It was his last chance. That was 10 years ago. He did contact me and over the years we have s.l.o.w.l.y built a good relationship. I don't have the emotional energy or stability to do the same with my mother or half-siblings at present.

Anyway, again, I'm sorry. It's a tough thing to deal with.

I know it sounds like I'm angry, but I'm really not. It is what it is. I don't have time for anger, it does nothing positive. I just have no clue why he wasted everyone's time if he's not really interested. I have no doubt that being involved with him is nothing but trouble. I only did it because my Pollyanna husband convinced me it was the right thing to do. I was perfectly happy without him around, and I haven't missed him a day in my life. Wondered if he was still alive, yes, missed him no.

[Scarlett]

I was rejected before birth by my bio father. He reluctantly agreed to meet me when I was 15......we did not bond. But that is when I discovered I had a 11 yo sister. She and I did bond. Instantly. We were kept apart by her side of the family for 28 years. When she finally found me on FB we knew we would have a relationship regardless of what her ( our) father said.

 

I am not angry at him anymore even though he raised my sister and not me. Time has given me perspective and a peace about it.....it was a revelation to me to understand that he wasn't convinced I was actually his all those years. He believes it now....but I think it took my sister saying, "dad, I KNOW she is my sister. I knew it when I was 11 years old. And this isn't about you anymore."

 

And she is right. She and I share a bond that has nothing to do with him. I am so thankful to have her in my life.