Things are not going well at my house

[Aspasia]

I'm just in a bad place. I planned an ambitious school year, and we are doing the very bare minimum every day, if that (reading, WWE, history, a little math). I'm pregnant, and this pregnancy is just really knocking me on my tail. I'm sick, tired, and really snappy. Dd6 is driving me up the wall. I totally called the elementary school the other day, threatening to enroll her. Dh thinks it might be a good idea, too. I can't decide if he really thinks that or if he thinks he's giving me an out, but I don't WANT to send her to school. I know that my current state is temporary, and we aren't having anymore babies after this, so it's not like it will be recurring. I just don't know how to get through it now. I know that I'll feel better after the first trimester, but I also know that it will be hard again in the third trimester AND for the first several months of having a new baby--basically, any time that I'm sleep deprived. I just flounder when I'm tired. It's awful. I have no patience and no motivation, which is a bad combo for homeschooling.

 

If I sent her to school for first grade, how hard would it be to pull her out after that? I'm just worried that she'll really love it and not want to come home. But I also know that, long term, home is better for this particular child.

 

Just feeling tired and overwhelmed.

[NicAnn]

I'm sorry. :( Can you have an easy year? Math, reading, and a nature study? Get audiobooks for history, netflix for science. It's not perfect, but much much better than stress or a big life change.

[BYE]

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[JudoMom]

First,  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: .

 

Here is what I would go back in time and tell myself in that stage of life:

Be kind to yourself.  You're growing a human.  Your children are little--and yes, even your oldest is still little.  They will not be harmed by doing light school anytime it's needed during illness or exhaustion.  Most importantly, teach them to read when you're able, and then provide lots of good books.  Listen to stories, watch educational shows.  Teach them basic math when you are able.  No harm will come if you don't do school every day.  You'll be shocked when you look back and see everything they did learn.  Which leads me to my final piece of advice:  Focus on what you do accomplish instead of regretting what you didn't accomplish.

Do your best to enjoy this season.  It's special and precious and it will end.  And as long as you teach your child to read and calculate for the next year or two, you'll be okay.  I promise.

[WishboneDawn]

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[fairfarmhand]

Looking at the ages of your children, I can see why you are worn out.

 

So, scale back even more. Do some math. Read some good books. Let her write letters to relatives. Be done in an hour of formal work every day.

 

I know it's hard when you have an ambitious plan, but she's just in the first grade. It will be ok if you let it slide for now.

 

BTW, I don't think that school will help. In fact, it may exacerbate issues when you HAVE to be out the door early in the morning and you have homework to do in the afternoon.

 

You are not a failure if you step back till you have more energy.

[J-rap]

She is only 6. I think you can definitely lighten up a lot on school, so don't worry about THAT part! Concentrate on math and reading. Can you give her some fun activity type books or computer games that she can do on her own and thinks of as fun, where she is learning a little too? Get some good fun but educational DVDs to watch? Sign her up for an after-school program through Community Ed? Even fun activities like paper dolls, where she has to cut them out and set them up and play with them can be a learning experience too. Or Duplos or Bellville. Those activities occupied my children a lot, and they could do them independently and they really built creativity in them, I think!

[WishboneDawn]

I'm with everyone else. FLL, WWE, Italian and geography are gravy. They are also things you can address within reading and read alouds with good questions like, "What is this sentence about?" (subject), What is he/she doing?" (predicate). You don't need to explain what the terms are but you can lay the foundation for later grammar work. Many folks here, me included, started grammar much later, around 8 or 9. If you want some copywork, ask her to pick a sentence or line she likes from a poem or story once or twice a week. 

 

Read some John Holt and articles on unschooling. Not so you will unschool but because there's valuable info that will help you right now in letting things relax a bit. 

 

This is a situation where the more you try to exert control, the worse it will get. 

[maize]

My oldest didn't even do math at that age. We read, listened to audio books, the kids played, she did a little handwriting practice. She's ten now and just tested above grade level in every subject, so I don't think those relaxed early years hurt her.

[MomatHWTK]

We sat in bed and did easy worksheets and watched lots of vidoes the last time I was pregnant.  Legal school age in my state is 7 (maximum age to start) so I would not sweat taking an easy year with children your age.  They are learning a lot just by being with you.  Plus, your oldest will probably benefit from some quality time with you before you are busy with a baby. 

[ErinE]

:grouphug: I know how exhausted you must be. I was in your shoes last year and I dragged from the moment the two little lines appeared. Once the baby was born, I was a whole new woman. Even with the sleep deprivation, I was able to accomplish more with baby outside of me than inside of me. Here's how I muddled through:

 

• Focus on the 3 Rs: Reading, writing, and math were the priorities. All other subjects were gravy.
• Video use for science and history: My kids enjoyed Magic School Bus, Nova, Disney Imagination, and Bill Nye.  My video sources were the library, Netflix and Amazon Prime.
• Simplify: All the books, papers, and other junk that came with school drove me crazy. I pared down to as little stuff as possible to keep me sane. The kids had a binder they pulled out for school and I kept everything else in another bigger binder. I would swap out the next week's work Sunday night (in reality, usually Monday morning).
• Work in the mornings: We did school first thing, right after breakfast, even if I wasn't feeling 100%.
• Get out of the house: Weekly field trips or park days so the kids could run around and play
• Take naps: This is so important. I napped almost every day of my pregnancy. Since you have little ones, nap when they do or put on videos and lay down.
• Snuggle school: With everyone in the bed, I would tuck pillows all around me until I was comfortable and we would do school snuggled together. I didn't use this often, but there were several days of snuggle school.
• Use the library: Every time we go the library the kids must pick one history book and one science book before they are released to browse freely. Before we go into the library, I remind them about questions they had during the previous week so they have a starting point. I help them search the library catalog and go with them to search the shelves. I would use these as read alouds.
• Pick a weekly theme: I checked out videos and books around a theme. I didn't plan this other than to submit hold requests through the library. For example, one week was retellings of the "Three Little Pigs." Other weeks were Chris Van Allsburg and Tomie De Paola books. When dd was in kindergarten, we did a "Cinderella" theme which dd still talks about two years later. We've also done math (Sir Cumference books, One Grain of Rice), African tales, the Gingerbread Man retellings, pumpkins, apples, poinsettas (for Christmas), etc. We snuggled as we read through the books or watched  the videos.

Rest as much as possible. You're making a baby and it's hard work! 

[Jenn121]

Oh I can so relate! I am 11 weeks and also had ambitious plan this year. 7th grade and K. The K'er I put on Time for learning and the 7th grader is becoming quite independent.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Rest! Find things that you enjoy to do with the kids. My 7th grader can't afford to relax as much as my K but I am tring not to be so rigorous. what we get done we get done

[Soror]

:grouphug: I know how exhausted you must be. I was in your shoes last year and I dragged from the moment the two little lines appeared. Once the baby was born, I was a whole new woman. Even with the sleep deprivation, I was able to accomplish more with baby outside of me than inside of me. Here's how I muddled through:

• Focus on the 3 Rs: Reading, writing, and math were the priorities. All other subjects were gravy.
• Video use for science and history: My kids enjoyed Magic School Bus, Nova, Disney Imagination, and Bill Nye.  My video sources were the library, Netflix and Amazon Prime.
• Simplify: All the books, papers, and other junk that came with school drove me crazy. I pared down to as little stuff as possible to keep me sane. The kids had a binder they pulled out for school and I kept everything else in another bigger binder. I would swap out the next week's work Sunday night (in reality, usually Monday morning).
• Work in the mornings: We did school first thing, right after breakfast, even if I wasn't feeling 100%.
• Get out of the house: Weekly field trips or park days so the kids could run around and play
• Take naps: This is so important. I napped almost every day of my pregnancy. Since you have little ones, nap when they do or put on videos and lay down.
• Snuggle school: With everyone in the bed, I would tuck pillows all around me until I was comfortable and we would do school snuggled together. I didn't use this often, but there were several days of snuggle school.
• Use the library: Every time we go the library the kids must pick one history book and one science book before they are released to browse freely. Before we go into the library, I remind them about questions they had during the previous week so they have a starting point. I help them search the library catalog and go with them to search the shelves. I would use these as read alouds.
• Pick a weekly theme: I checked out videos and books around a theme. I didn't plan this other than to submit hold requests through the library. For example, one week was retellings of the "Three Little Pigs." Other weeks were Chris Van Allsburg and Tomie De Paola books. When dd was in kindergarten, we did a "Cinderella" theme which dd still talks about two years later. We've also done math (Sir Cumference books, One Grain of Rice), African tales, the Gingerbread Man retellings, pumpkins, apples, poinsettas (for Christmas), etc. We snuggled as we read through the books or watched  the videos.

Rest as much as possible. You're making a baby and it's hard work!

 

That was me last year as well. There are many posts where I mentioned feeling like a half-dead sea slug. I was pregnant in the spring though so I had enough forethought to plan a light year. We only officially did the 3Rs. Everything else was games, educational videos and informally. I felt much better after the baby was born and then started adding things back in at the start of the Spring Semester. I just added a bit at a time though.

 

- Make sure you hit the basics first that way if you run out of energy you are still moving forward w/ skills.

 

Enlist the children's help whenever you can and try to keep a simple routine. REmember to prioritize! You need to eat, clothes to wear and basic cleanliness!

 

I have to say that although physically I was so drained during my last pregnancy I was able to use that time to focus on the kids and our relationship- which was certainly a positive. I did see that I need to slow down sometimes and just give them my full attention, being that we have so much to do it is easy to stay busy but relationships are important as well- so it can be a real blessing.

[CupOCoffee]

Based on your other post and now this one, I would just forget about school right now.  Really, it will be OK.  Focus on relationship with your oldest, before another sibling is brought into the mix.  Sure, spend time reading good books, listening to books, watching some science videos if you want.  But watch FUN stuff too.  You need to work on the relationship with your DD.  To me, at this age, school is a lot of life learning anyway.  Count steps, cookies, silverware and plates when you set the table, etc.  Talk about colors when you look at items.  Once you get the relationship back with your DD, and the pregnancy is done, then you can get all academic.

 

((hugs))

 

~coffee~

[Aspasia]

Thank you, thank you for the encouragement. I'm not generally an internet sap, but I really don't know what I would do without this board, especially at times like this. I probably would have been at the school enrolling her today.

 

I believe you guys. When I read these responses, I feel okay with taking it easy this year. But how do I convince dh? I think he thinks dd is missing out when she "just" plays all day. He won't read any John Holt, but he has listened to some interviews with Peter Gray and liked those (I was kinda surprised).Maybe I need to keep dropping those facts into our conversations.

[Catwoman]

Ditch everything and relax. First grade doesn't mean a thing in the overall scheme of things. Your dd will have plenty of time to learn what she needs to learn, even if you do absolutely nothing this year.

 

I would try to work on developing her reading and math skills, and some handwriting when you have time. You don't even need any formal curriculum to work on the basics if you're really feeling under the weather. If you think you need something to show your dh, get one of those big first grade workbooks from Costco or Sam's Club and let your dd do the worksheets.

 

When my ds was in first grade, I was all about a rigorous curriculum, but now I realize that it truly wasn't necessary to rush.

 

The most important thing is for you to relax and enjoy your kids.

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:

[MAIMOM]

HUGS!!! It seems every year I feel I could/should have done more. Yet, my kids love learning and test well. My oldest will fly the nest next year and I realize that FLY ladies saying is true for housework as well as school. Housework done "incorrectly" still blesses my family.     School work done "incorrectly" still blesses my children.

 

Cultivate a love of learning and reading while building relationship with your littles. It will serve them well in the future. The elementary yearsare all about exposure to topics that will be covered in greater detail in later grades. Read, have fun and as others have suggested tap into all the ways of learning. It is ok if much of the learning comes from books, videos and such instead of from you. She will be learning. A child that loves to learn will continue to learn.

 

Looking back I think that is what I did right with my kids.....instilled a love of reading and learning. Those loves have taken them far.

 

HUGS again! This temporary season will end. Take care of yourself and your littles.

[GSOchristie]

I can't imagine homeschooling while pregnant so even doing...well, anything, seems like quite an accomplishment. From talking to some other first grade parents around here, there is about 45 minutes to an hour of homework, which is almost half of our entire day. I would just read and do math, get some great nonfiction books for history and science.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I didn't read all the replies, but if you can afford it look into online classes or things like Reading Eggs and Dreambox. It really helped me get through 1st grade with my HG pregnancy.

[iona]

You have an ambitious plan and a pregnancy that is not cooperating. make a 'pregnancy plan' and enjoy your year. It is hard too see now but it will be ok.

[StephanieZ]

I'll be *that* mature hs'ing mom . . .

 

and try to *gently* remind you that a 6 yo doesn't need much schooling, that you are pregnant, that you need to take care of yourself and foster a happy, loving home.

 

I would urge you to give yourself a break. I *promise* that in one hour of schooling a day, you can well educate a 6 yo. I PROMISE. Do your reading daily. Spend 10 min on math daily. (Daily meaning at least on average 4 days a week). Have child write at least one sentence most days. 

 

That's it. That's ALL you really need to do.

 

Other than that, just aim for plenty of happy, healthy creative play. (Don't let the kids zone out at the screens . . . Save that for the first couple months post-baby!) Go to the park and let them run. Sit in a safe play room or bed room on the floor with comfy pillows while the kids create chaos around you. 

 

Read books, do puzzles, do some messy artsandcrafts outside or less messy ones inside.

 

Just be a good MOM and don't worry much about schooling. 60 min most days will get it done. Drop the rest of the fluff. It'll wait. I PROMISE.

[happypamama]

I understand. My youngest two are 25 months apart, which means that I'll have spent pretty much four straight years either pregnant or nursing (including at night)/caring for a young baby. There have been plenty of days where we did just the minimum, if that. It's okay. Your oldest is still quite young (and for all people complain about PA, there is one big advantage -- no portfolio needed for a 6yo, so no pressure), and you have plenty of time. I would focus on reading, math skills, maybe handwriting, and whatever fun history/science/art/music things you have time/energy for. Read some "If You Lived" books, or play on the Williamsburg site, or get some books that have pictures about how people lived in a particular era. Pick out books on whatever science topics interest her. Paint. Go walking (or play in the backyard) and draw pictures of the leaves or flowers you find. Watch youtube videos of birds or whales or whatever other animals she likes, and read some books about them. Listen to the Classics for Children (Beethoven Lives Upstairs, etc.) CDs, or Peter and the Wolf, or The Magic Flute. Really, don't stress too much. Enjoy this time; enjoy your pregnancy and then your new baby.

[linguistmama]

I was pregnant with #3 when my oldest was in 1st grade. I had HG so nothing that year went as planned. For awhile nothing got done. Once I had the baby we got back on track and finished the year by the end of June. Now my oldest is in third grade and that lost part of the first grade year does not matter at all. We got back on the horse after the baby and have been able to stay on. :) Others have already posted good advice. We loved SOTW on audio and netflix science and history documentaries. Programs like Reading Eggs have free trials so you could check them out before buying.

[WishboneDawn]

Thank you, thank you for the encouragement. I'm not generally an internet sap, but I really don't know what I would do without this board, especially at times like this. I probably would have been at the school enrolling her today.

 

I believe you guys. When I read these responses, I feel okay with taking it easy this year. But how do I convince dh? I think he thinks dd is missing out when she "just" plays all day. He won't read any John Holt, but he has listened to some interviews with Peter Gray and liked those (I was kinda surprised).Maybe I need to keep dropping those facts into our conversations.

What about sharing this thread with him. We've all been there, done that. We're the voice of experience AND we're on a board that generally values the more formal style of work he's looking for BUT you're exhausted and she's six.

 

At her age the really valuable thing it's exploration and play and a warm family environment. You'll find that perspective coming from those, like me, who delayed academics and often from those who pushed academics early and are reflecting on the value of it.

 

I wouldn't actively try to convince him. I would incorporate a little bit of formal work for his sake but otherwise let what you're doing speak for itself. Maybe get an accordion folder and put things she's done on her own in it for him to review, maybe keep a little journal or blog. Make sure he's in the loop.

 

But show him this thread.

 

I am not a lax homeschool but I think what folks have outlined here is not simply good for where you're at right now but preferable for kids her age in any case.

[fairfarmhand]

BTW, my oldest dd had a gentle easy approach through her early elementary years. I was pregnant, nursing and potty training for much of her early elem. years. We didn't really do formal science or history until seventh grade.

 

She is currently in our county's virtual school getting straight A's in their honors program. The gentle approach did not hurt her or handicap her one bit.

[elfgivas]

Before Five in a Row is a complete curriculum if you add math and reading to it. 

so is Five in a Row.

it is simple, lovely, builds relationships and it turns out it is a natural way of learning for young children.  i was amazed by how much mine retained.

 

they select fabulous literature.  day 1 you curl up and read the book thru.  that's it.  day 2, you focus on one of the lessons they draw out of the book.  sometimes it grammar and literature (dds learned foreshadowing at age 4 this way), sometimes it is art, or geography or science....  you pick a lesson before you read the story again to them, and draw out that aspect of it.  it was only for the art lessons that i needed to plan ahead; we had globes, maps etc, already here.

 

many of our favourite memories come from time spent cuddling and reading.  there was one memorable bathtime, when i gave them bubble pipes to blow like jessie bear did during his bath time. 

 

and because it is a complete curriculum, and because they really do learn things, and because it only takes 10-30 minutes a day, it was the perfect thing for us during illnesses and pregnancies and moves.... although at that age, i think it may be close to the perfect thing period.

 

hth,

ann

[Jilly]

I would also recommend taking it easy this year. I mostly did audiobooks, read-alouds, and a little math when my kids were that age. The rest of the time they played. :)

 

As far as your husband goes, maybe you could sign your daughter up for Time4Learning to make him happy. That way she would be working on academics everyday, but it would be independent which would help you.