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Everybody has given me great advice, thank you all!

This is really good advice, thank you.

I didn't write the word sex at first because I have read in many threads people changing the words. I didn't understand why, but I also didn't want to offend anyone. No orgasms alone or with partner. At first when I was younger and we were fairly new in our relationship, yes. But that stopped maybe after a month. The newness wore off so quick. I never "wanted" sex to have children, but like every other time, I did it.

A few posters have mentioned this and no this isn't the issue. There isn't any abuse, trauma, or assault in my history. I do agree that I believe it's an aversion and not low sex drive that another poster mentioned. But the aversion probably comes from so many places, not just one. And we do love each other very much, thank you so much. Thank you to everyone for being so kind and thoughtful.

Yes, I have considered that he would fall in love with someone else. And that is terrifying but when I am in the depths of my exhaustion over this issue then I am willing to try it. I just need a solution.

I know you are probably trying to be sweet, but this is not the same as cake. I share everything with my husband. I am very generous with everything, but my body is just not the same. This is the kind of sentiment that really upsets me and comes from the idea that my husbands sexual desires are the most important issue here.

Thank you. I will look in to this.

Yes, I'm going to get the all clear from the doctor and then see a therapist.

I didn't know that about melatonin. That's interesting. I've only been using it the last couple of months so it wouldn't explain all the other years, but it is something to consider for now.

No medications at all. I take tylenol every once in awhile and melatonin at night to help me sleep. My periods are very regular and my pregnancies were uneventful. My health is pretty good which is a reason that it seems pretty helpless. Knowing that there probably isn't a physical medical reason and that it's probably in my head is not fun.

I have told my husband that I would be ok with him getting his needs met with a girlfriend. That is not something I ever thought I would be ok with. I know that makes me sound horrible, but that is where I am. He says no that he will just deal with it on his own.

I made an appt for the 7th. I can't get in before then unless I wanted to see a man and I just don't want to do that so I will wait until the 7th.

I remember at 18 getting ready to go to college. In school, I was given advice to get my first pap smear before I left home. I guess for cancers and just to make sure I was healthy. I bawled like a baby through the whole thing. It was so bad the doctor asked me if I has someone to come in and sit with me. I was alone though, my parents were at work. And there isn't a history of any kind of abuse. None at all. So as early as 18 I felt so sick that someone had touched me. I made an appt with the obgyn who delivered my son 5 years ago. I think I will start there.

Yes, I agree. I think I do need to see a counselor. But I also have conflicting feelings about that because part of me says this is my body why do I have to share it? And please don't take that to mean that I want to whine about an issue but I don't want to fix it. I see my general doctor regularly but I don't talk to him about my libido. I know I need to start with seeking help. I really want to know though if I can't change this will my marriage survive? And I know that is dependent on my particular circumstances, but I just want to know if anyone has walked in these shoes and made it very far?