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Everything posted by BYE

  1. Everybody has given me great advice, thank you all!
  2. This is really good advice, thank you.
  3. I didn't write the word sex at first because I have read in many threads people changing the words. I didn't understand why, but I also didn't want to offend anyone. No orgasms alone or with partner. At first when I was younger and we were fairly new in our relationship, yes. But that stopped maybe after a month. The newness wore off so quick. I never "wanted" sex to have children, but like every other time, I did it.
  4. A few posters have mentioned this and no this isn't the issue. There isn't any abuse, trauma, or assault in my history. I do agree that I believe it's an aversion and not low sex drive that another poster mentioned. But the aversion probably comes from so many places, not just one. And we do love each other very much, thank you so much. Thank you to everyone for being so kind and thoughtful.
  5. Yes, I have considered that he would fall in love with someone else. And that is terrifying but when I am in the depths of my exhaustion over this issue then I am willing to try it. I just need a solution.
  6. I know you are probably trying to be sweet, but this is not the same as cake. I share everything with my husband. I am very generous with everything, but my body is just not the same. This is the kind of sentiment that really upsets me and comes from the idea that my husbands sexual desires are the most important issue here.
  7. Thank you. I will look in to this.
  8. Yes, I'm going to get the all clear from the doctor and then see a therapist.
  9. I didn't know that about melatonin. That's interesting. I've only been using it the last couple of months so it wouldn't explain all the other years, but it is something to consider for now.
  10. No medications at all. I take tylenol every once in awhile and melatonin at night to help me sleep. My periods are very regular and my pregnancies were uneventful. My health is pretty good which is a reason that it seems pretty helpless. Knowing that there probably isn't a physical medical reason and that it's probably in my head is not fun.
  11. I have told my husband that I would be ok with him getting his needs met with a girlfriend. That is not something I ever thought I would be ok with. I know that makes me sound horrible, but that is where I am. He says no that he will just deal with it on his own.
  12. I made an appt for the 7th. I can't get in before then unless I wanted to see a man and I just don't want to do that so I will wait until the 7th.
  13. I remember at 18 getting ready to go to college. In school, I was given advice to get my first pap smear before I left home. I guess for cancers and just to make sure I was healthy. I bawled like a baby through the whole thing. It was so bad the doctor asked me if I has someone to come in and sit with me. I was alone though, my parents were at work. And there isn't a history of any kind of abuse. None at all. So as early as 18 I felt so sick that someone had touched me. I made an appt with the obgyn who delivered my son 5 years ago. I think I will start there.
  14. Yes, I agree. I think I do need to see a counselor. But I also have conflicting feelings about that because part of me says this is my body why do I have to share it? And please don't take that to mean that I want to whine about an issue but I don't want to fix it. I see my general doctor regularly but I don't talk to him about my libido. I know I need to start with seeking help. I really want to know though if I can't change this will my marriage survive? And I know that is dependent on my particular circumstances, but I just want to know if anyone has walked in these shoes and made it very far?
  15. Thank you. My ideal solution would be for my husband to be happy and fulfilled and I wish he could be that in a sexless marriage. I don't think I am asexual because when we first got together we were young and the hormones were flying. I think i do have negative feelings toward sex that came from some religious teachings. Teaching that suggested my body wasn't mine and that it belonged to my husband. My husband doesn't feel like that, I did. And now I feel really controlling of my body. For example, if someone in public looks at me in a certain way, I don't feel flattered. I feel disgusted and sick. I know it's so much about what is in my head. I know that if my husband and I ever got a divorce I would remain single.
  16. Please don't read any further if you don't like discussing or reading about someones issues with 3ex. I know I am pretty new here, but I am a fairly anti social person, and I honestly don't have any friends that I can talk to about this. I also know that the age ranges and experiences here are so varied that I feel like I can get a good grip on this situation. Here's the issue. I am 30 and my husband and I have been married for 9 years. It'll be 10 in May. We have known each other since 7th grade. We have 2 children, 5 and 7. We have a pretty good foundation and no serious issues other than 3ex. As time goes on, we have 3ex less and less. I cannot tell you why because I don't know, but I have no desire. Most times when we have 3ex it's because I am throwing my husband a bone. It is very rare that I actually want to have 3ex. My husband is an attractive man. It isn't that I don't think he's attractive. When we first got together we were pretty 3exually active. We started dating in college after we had known each other a long time. We were married within 9 months and by our wedding night I remember not really wanting to have 3ex. I love my husband. He is my best friend. But the anxiety I get after our children go to bed in the evening is becoming so unbearable. I feel sick to my stomach and I am in tears right now because I can't keep going on like this. My husband and I have conversations about this all the time (my lack of desire and his strong desire). I can't wear anything tight or anything that might seem sexy without my husband feeling like it's an invitation. So most of the time I'm in a tee shirt and sweats. I can't drink a glass of wine without my husband thinking he will get lucky that night. Most of the time I don't like to drink because it makes me feel yucky, but there are times that I might like to enjoy a glass of wine without the expectation that I have to 3ex. My husband and I are so mismatched when it comes to our 3exual desires. We have 3ex about once a month now and that is almost always forced on my part. So I guess what I want to know is are my husband and I doomed? He says that even if we get to a place where we have no 3ex that he still loves me and that we will stay together. Do I believe that? No, I don't because I can see the difference in how he treats me when he has had 3ex. There is a definite difference in how he reacts to me throughout the day. I don't wan't any "suck it up buttercup and give the man what he needs" advice because that just isn't where I am. Does anyone have any experience in an almost 3exless marriage surviving and thriving?
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