To all the seasoned homeschoolers who question those young, overly eager homeschooling moms

[beth83]

(I wrote some of this responding to another post, but I wasn't sure how many people read it there.  I hear this all the time.  A couple years ago, a local homeschooling group wouldn't even let me attend park days because my oldest wasn't 5 years old.  I get it, some people are only going to homeschool preschool, which they didn't think counted, but what about me who was in it for the long hall?  Even my CC group was thinking about not allowing families to join who only have a 4 year old -- it was just ridiculous to join any such thing at that age.  My oldest is now 5, and now that I feel closer to being legit, my heart still goes out to all those young homeschooling moms who are in the position I once was.)

 

Seasoned homeschoolers.  You know who you are.  

 

Your one word of advice is always, "Slow down.  Drink in these moments. Enjoy the younger years.  Step away from the curriculum."  You roll your eyes, thinking we are just too eager, too worked up, too high strung on education.  You can't figure out why the mother with a 3 year old and a 1 year old wants in your homeschooling group.  You think it is sad that those young parents are rushing their children.  "Calm down," is the piece of advice often given.

 

Have you ever thought that maybe we just want a community?  

 

Some of us are alone, walking this road TOWARDS homeschooling with no support.  Some of us have been alienated by other mothers who think homeschooling is weird.  Some of us have lost our mothers group to preschool schedules and new school events -- stuff that we don't fit into anywhere.  Naturally, our old friends are making new friends at preschool and MDO programs; they hang out more with their new friends and we grow apart.  As the world outside homeschooling is encouraging education younger and younger, young homeschooling moms are losing all the friends they ever had earlier and earlier.

 

So, we are left alone.  Twiddling our thumbs until the real homeschooling starts.  Sometimes because we can't wait to teach, but sometimes because we can't wait to be preoccupied with something.  It's hard from going to play groups and outings with other moms to having no group, no community.  

 

Enjoying the younger years is all good fun, unless you are doing it alone.  All. the. time.  Park dates -- alone.  Field trips -- alone.  Adult conversation during the day -- gone.  

 

Sometimes we jump into schooling because WE need something to look forward to each day.  Just something, even if it is for 30 minutes.  You become more lax with your younger children.  You school them later and later.  Why?  Because you don't need that stimulation anymore.  Sometimes we need to pre-k and K curriculum more than our children!  

 

Funny thing is, we will probably do the same.  Because at some point, we will have homeschooling friends.  We will have a schedule.  We will have school work to do.  We will have days full of homeschooling activities.  We won't have any time to sit on the ground and play with our toddlers, but we will be busy and the day will fly by.  We won't be in that lull anymore, feeling like we are just waiting for life to start.  Just waiting to make friends.  Just waiting to find our place in this world.

 

I have a favor to ask all of you... will you let some of us into your group?  I know, I know -- we talk a lot and ask too many questions.  Maybe that is because it is the first adult stimulation we have received all week (remember, we are surrounded at home by preschoolers, toddlers, and babies).  Maybe it is because yall are the first people we have met that are actually on the same page in life.  You run around with homeschoolers on a daily basis, but those groups are currently a figment of our imagination.  

 

We really just want to be around you.  To glean some of your wisdom.  To know that it is all manageable. To see how your children act and say, "Yes, this is why I want to homeschool!"  The fact that you have a 4 year old and I have a 4 year old means that they can be friends!  My child might actually be able to make friends!!!

 

It's funny.  I jumped into PK3 curriculum when we didn't have anything to do during the week.  The year went great and we had fun.  I planned the whole summer for our PK4 year.  We finally were let into a homeschooling group the next year, and you know what... I dropped all of our curriculum.  It wasn't what anyone said to me. I actually hadn't even talked about it to anyone.  We finally had something to do.  People to meet with.  Relationships and a community to become part of.  We didn't need the curriculum for PK4 because we had found our place in life.

[clemota]

Beth83- you totally rock. :thumbup1:

[mom2bee]

Brava! Much better said that I could ever say it!!!

[happypamama]

Yes, indeed! Our group would welcome you! We don't care if you are an unschooler or a very strict school at home type. We don't care if your preschooler watches TV all day, or if you're doing three hours of work with her every day. If you want to meet other homeschooling families, find friends for your kids, get advice on what to do in the future, whatever, you are welcome with us. Shoot, we'd probably let you in if you only had one infant and just wanted to hang out in the nursery with other like-minded moms, although I don't think we actually have anyone like that, but since the compulsory age here is eight, we have many families who only have kids under the compulsory age. I'd have loved a group like ours when I only had one or two kids, although when I joined, my kids were seven, four, and one, so none of them were officially homeschooled, according to state law, and we were well accepted. Keep trying, mama!

[happypamama]

Also, there are communities for new moms, new mom groups, LLL, babywearing groups, attachment parenting groups, etc., but I think those are probably harder to do with several kids, especially once you hit the preschool age. I loved my new moms' group when I had one baby, but it want really conducive to toddlers and especially not to preschoolers. I wish I'd found our homeschool support group when we moved here when my oldest was five, before we even had a third, but such is life.

[Mom22ns]

I have a favor to ask all of you... will you let some of us into your group?  I know, I know -- we talk a lot and ask too many questions.  Maybe that is because it is the first adult stimulation we have received all week (remember, we are surrounded at home by preschoolers, toddlers, and babies).  Maybe it is because yall are the first people we have met that are actually on the same page in life.  You run around with homeschoolers on a daily basis, but those groups are currently a figment of our imagination.  

 

We really just want to be around you.  To glean some of your wisdom.  To know that it is all manageable. To see how your children act and say, "Yes, this is why I want to homeschool!"  The fact that you have a 4 year old and I have a 4 year old means that they can be friends!  My child might actually be able to make friends!!!

 

Well said, however, in all the groups I've been a part of the answer is no. When my kids were that age I joined MOM groups. I hung out with other moms of preschoolers. It didn't matter if they were going to homeschool or not, because they were all being moms right then.

 

I see your need for community, but I also see the need for community among those whose kids are actually homeschooling. I don't know the answer, but I do know that most people who meet with school age kids don't want to throw more preschoolers into the mix. They usually have plenty of tag along siblings and don't want the group over-run. 

 

Maybe there is a need to add a branch to some homeschool groups that is just for people homeschooling preschoolers. Maybe you should start one where you are? Here there is a large local yahoo group. You can join that even if you only have preschoolers. It gives some online support (as you can also find here at WTM). It also give you a place to advertise for park days or other pre-school appropriate field trips and get togethers. 

[beth83]

Well said, however, in all the groups I've been a part of the answer is no. When my kids were that age I joined MOM groups. I hung out with other moms of preschoolers. It didn't matter if they were going to homeschool or not, because they were all being moms right then.

 

I see your need for community, but I also see the need for community among those whose kids are actually homeschooling. I don't know the answer, but I do know that most people who meet with school age kids don't want to throw more preschoolers into the mix. They usually have plenty of tag along siblings and don't want the group over-run. 

 

Maybe there is a need to add a branch to some homeschool groups that is just for people homeschooling preschoolers. Maybe you should start one where you are? Here there is a large local yahoo group. You can join that even if you only have preschoolers. It gives some online support (as you can also find here at WTM). It also give you a place to advertise for park days or other pre-school appropriate field trips and get togethers. 

 

I get it.  I do.  But we are a part of those groups.  I'm actually in the second year of my position as Coordinator of our MOPS group.  You don't get much more embedded in a group than that.  Plus, tt's a larger group with 70 moms.  And we STILL lost  our friends.

 

Like I said in the beginning, all the moms we associated with in MOPS and at church got busy with preschools, MDO's, and other obligations.  Being in an urban area, there is a strong push for earlier and better.  A lot of kids are in school 5 days a week at a younger age than kindergarten.  We LOST friends.  That is my whole point.

 

But seriously, not telling us where a park date is?  That is just ridiculous.  There are going to be other moms there anyway.  I'm not asking to come bombard your co-op class and I'm not saying that I want my 4 year old to play with your 8 year old.  I'm just saying someone would be nice...

[Ellie]

Sure, I'd welcome people who have younger children, as long as they understand that our activities will be focused on school-age children, that is, children 5yo and older. Many of our families have children younger than 5, and we try to be sensitive to that when we're planning field trips, because we don't want people to have to get childcare, for crying out loud, :-) But our field trips will always be planned with older children in mind, and some of them will definitely not be suitable for very young children. We will probably have park days beginning at noon, when the littles are taking naps, but since our school-age members aren't, we're going to go with that. If we plan some sort of presentation day, it will be for older children; we hope you'll come to the event, but please don't be disappointed when we have specified that participants will be 5 and older. Science fair? School age. Art contest? School age. For us it might mean that our older children will participate while our younger children watch. We're ok with that.

 

I say this because we have welcomed people who only have pre-school-aged children, and we've had to deal with things like this. We don't want to. Good or bad, we don't want to.

 

Come over to my house for tea and we'll chat. Bring your whole family over for dinner. Come to our support group's Moms' Night Out (adults only, except for nursing babies). :-)

[beth83]

Sure, I'd welcome people who have younger children, as long as they understand that our activities will be focused on school-age children, that is, children 5yo and older. Many of our families have children younger than 5, and we try to be sensitive to that when we're planning field trips, because we don't want people to have to get childcare, for crying out loud, :-) But our field trips will always be planned with older children in mind, and some of them will definitely not be suitable for very young children. We will probably have park days beginning at noon, when the littles are taking naps, but since our school-age members aren't, we're going to go with that. If we plan some sort of presentation day, it will be for older children; we hope you'll come to the event, but please don't be disappointed when we have specified that participants will be 5 and older. Science fair? School age. Art contest? School age. For us it might mean that our older children will participate while our younger children watch. We're ok with that.

 

I say this because we have welcomed people who only have pre-school-aged children, and we've had to deal with things like this. We don't want to. Good or bad, we don't want to.

 

Come over to my house for tea and we'll chat. Bring your whole family over for dinner. Come to our support group's Moms' Night Out (adults only, except for nursing babies). :-)

 

My children are never napping at noon.  Actually, I don't know anyone who naps at that time.  Usually noon is lunchtime, so we would pack a lunch and join in at the park, then head home for naps afterwards.  Nice and tired!  That is actually what we do anyways.

 

I'm sure we would love that hospitality.  I mean, even a moms night out.  Geez, those things are so refreshing!!!

[Alice]

Great post. I could have written this about 5 or 6 years ago. In fact, I think I did write something similar back then. I used to feel so frustrated by all the people who would tell me to “Slow down. Go to the library and the nature center and museums. Just enjoy your child†when I’d post a question here. It would make me want to scream, “WE DO THOSE THINGS ALL THE TIME! I just wanted an answer about phonics or pre-K math.†I also chose to start my oldest “early†for K so I also had all the people who wanted to tell me what a mistake that was (IRL and online). 

 

I’m also in an area where virtually everyone goes to preschool and I remember those years as being very lonely. We are part of an active and strong church community. I met my husband there, got married there and had my kids there. I count many of my closest friends as families in that church. But it was still a lonely time in the day-to-day as  their kids started school and they got busier and conversations drifted to school even if we were together. 

 

Now I’m on “the other side†as my oldest is in 5th grade. And I have two things to tell you from this viewpoint...

 

1) It gets better. It really does. 

 

2) Now I kind of see where all those older, more experienced homeschoolers were coming from. I have a lot of Moms at church and other settings who have started asking me about homeschooling. Their kids are young. 2, 3, 4 or younger. I remember how I felt and I try hard not to tell them to just play with their kids but at the same time I do see now that those days are precious and they go fast. We still go to museums and parks and on field trips but it’s more complicated to schedule. I would love to not HAVE to think about curriculum so it’s hard not to roll my eyes just a little at the Mom of the 2 1/2 year old who is telling me all about how stressed she is in figuring out the perfect preschools curriculum. 

 

I think this is just part of life. It’s never all that helpful when you are struggling with something in a particular stage of life to have someone who has gone through it tell you how much you will one day appreciate that stage/struggle. It’s like an adult telling a teenager who is stressed about school that “enjoy school now, one day you’ll have to work and you’ll look back on the days in school as being funâ€. Or when my Mom tells me to “stop worrying about cleaning, one day the kids will be gone and you’ll miss the messâ€. Perhaps true, but not helpful at the moment. 

 

Bottom line, I think we should all be better about trying to remember what it felt like to be in a particular stage when we’ve gone through it and temper our advice accordingly. And we should probably all be better about listening to the wisdom of those who have gone through certain stages. 

 

[beth83]

Great post. I could have written this about 5 or 6 years ago. In fact, I think I did write something similar back then. I used to feel so frustrated by all the people who would tell me to “Slow down. Go to the library and the nature center and museums. Just enjoy your child†when I’d post a question here. It would make me want to scream, “WE DO THOSE THINGS ALL THE TIME! I just wanted an answer about phonics or pre-K math.†I also chose to start my oldest “early†for K so I also had all the people who wanted to tell me what a mistake that was (IRL and online).

 

I’m also in an area where virtually everyone goes to preschool and I remember those years as being very lonely. We are part of an active and strong church community. I met my husband there, got married there and had my kids there. I count many of my closest friends as families in that church. But it was still a lonely time in the day-to-day as their kids started school and they got busier and conversations drifted to school even if we were together.

 

Now I’m on “the other side†as my oldest is in 5th grade. And I have two things to tell you from this viewpoint...

 

1) It gets better. It really does.

 

2) Now I kind of see where all those older, more experienced homeschoolers were coming from. I have a lot of Moms at church and other settings who have started asking me about homeschooling. Their kids are young. 2, 3, 4 or younger. I remember how I felt and I try hard not to tell them to just play with their kids but at the same time I do see now that those days are precious and they go fast. We still go to museums and parks and on field trips but it’s more complicated to schedule. I would love to not HAVE to think about curriculum so it’s hard not to roll my eyes just a little at the Mom of the 2 1/2 year old who is telling me all about how stressed she is in figuring out the perfect preschools curriculum.

 

I think this is just part of life. It’s never all that helpful when you are struggling with something in a particular stage of life to have someone who has gone through it tell you how much you will one day appreciate that stage/struggle. It’s like an adult telling a teenager who is stressed about school that “enjoy school now, one day you’ll have to work and you’ll look back on the days in school as being funâ€. Or when my Mom tells me to “stop worrying about cleaning, one day the kids will be gone and you’ll miss the messâ€. Perhaps true, but not helpful at the moment.

 

Bottom line, I think we should all be better about trying to remember what it felt like to be in a particular stage when we’ve gone through it and temper our advice accordingly. And we should probably all be better about listening to the wisdom of those who have gone through certain stages.

It's always good to hear it gets better, so thank you. And thank you for also understanding! I feel a lot of people do not.

 

I understand comparing it to teenage children, etc, I understand, but loneliness is not something that is usually dealt with well. Loneliness is a horrible feeling, so it isn't usually something you just want to wait out.

 

I'm finally in a group, going on a year now. I have a community and friends finally. We still make messes, we still enjoy the you get years, we still explore our world, but we do it WHILE having friends.

 

I have a heart for these women because I feel I just made it across the line. I often think they wouldn't be so wrapped up in curriculum and pre schooling if they had friends. They don't have a community, so they become consumed with curriculum because there is nothing else there.

 

Once I had a community, I didn't feel in the preschool race anymore. I didn't need it. Maybe if we welcomed these women, we wouldn't have this big of a problem???

[HS Mom in NC]

There are different reasons for it.

 

Some groups have parents of littles coming in and chatting the whole time while they ignore their littles. I had a woman ask me casually, "Are your bookshelves attached to your walls?"  "No, why?" I asked.  "Because my son is climbing on them." So I told her, "Well, then get him off."  Supervising littles is a big issue when the group has a specific focus.  Our American Girls group was a book discussion, craft, game, oriented one with 30 families.  There was a tendency to avoid having moms of littles involved because they weren't supervising their littles and it was really chaotic with such a large group. They wanted to chat with the other moms who were leading group discussions and supervising activities of large groups of kids who couldn't have littles under foot or being loud.

 

To solve that, they need to be held at a place with ample room for outdoor play for loud little ones and space for the structured activities for the older ones. There aren't a lot of great options-especially if you live where there's extreme weather.  So, until people can come up with one, they tend to limit it to as few littles as possible.

 

Our Art Class is great for moms to chat because there is a large indoor playroom with a door to the very large little friendly backyard.  The teacher and kids can focus, the moms can chat, and the littles can be littles in appropriate areas with very little supervision.  The room the moms chat is has lots of glass doors and windows to the entire outside area.

Some groups are curriculum/educational philosophy focused.  Once a parent is homeschooling (meaning teaching academics) full time-particularly using a method they didn't grow up with, they will want very focused discussion on their specific curriculum/educational philosophy choice.  Time is far more limited, something mothers of littles often don't realize.  Often this type of group is only open to people using the specific curriculum for those reasons.This type of group is a god-send to people who need it. They usually don't want to have new people coming in asking basic, general questions about different kinds of curriculum/educational philosophies and running a household.  They want detailed information and discussion of how to apply their curriculum/educational philosophy to their specific family situation.

 

The solution is to have future homeschooling moms start their own play/social groups geared to their specific needs.  Getting your own group going, veteran moms will warn you, takes a lot of work, but you can do it.  You need to make your group known at homeschooling conventions and local homeschooling groups and websites. If you make contact with people who have groups geared to moms who don't cater to preschoolers, they'll be able to give your contact information to people like you who don't fit their group demographic.

You can also join other moms groups and get a feel for any that might be considering homeschooling, and after the official group is over, invite them over. That's how I got mine going years ago. Doing it yourself when it isn't already done for you is a very important homeschooling mom skill.

 

3. If you think your time is limited when you have littles, wait until you're homeschooling a couple of kids at once and they're each involved in a different extra curricular activity and you have a preschooler...or two...and you have an elderly dependent relative...and your husband has to work crazy hours.  Many groups are geared to meet a very specific need and it has to be well worth the time it costs to go. Often it's a a co-op type situation where are parent doesn't want to teach a specific subject or it's curriculum specific (as explained above.)

 

The solution is again, to start your own group and network so you can be a blessing and be blessed by other people in your situation. You can do it.

 

4. Some groups that have large families over a lot of years are the best ones to get into for that.  They'll be prepared for littles because they're bringing their own littles along.

 

 

[abba12]

I believe in early academics, so I hope it wouldnt change my schooling choices.

But, youre right, its lonely. Even the kids ofthe stay at home mums go to daycare once or twice a week 'for the social aspect'

I didnt fit it at mummy groups and play groups because of that. And i knew we would be losing our friends to preschool and returns to work come janurary.

 

I feel so blessed, this month, right when i needed it, i met two women, one a homeschooling mum with kids ranging age 12 to newborn, in her first year. And one soon to be homeschooling mum wuth a toddler and plans for another. For the first time i can do something social on a regular basis. It was amazing to invite someone over and not hear about how busy they are and 'maybe soon'. Its like our own little homeschool playgroup. I dont take this for granted at all.

[MomatHWTK]

I think if you hang out with seasoned homeschoolers then you have to accept that they will tell you to relax and enjoy the younger years.  How is it that they aren't going to tell you what they know?  There are plenty of online sources (including this board) to talk about curricula.  If you are looking at a specific program, you might ask if anyone has used it.  But you can expect to get some answers telling you to wait a bit. 

[beth83]

I think if you hang out with seasoned homeschoolers then you have to accept that they will tell you to relax and enjoy the younger years. How is it that they aren't going to tell you what they know? There are plenty of online sources (including this board) to talk about curricula. If you are looking at a specific program, you might ask if anyone has used it. But you can expect to get some answers telling you to wait a bit.

No, I totally understand that. It is good to hear. I'm not asking anyone to not say that. It needs to be said.

 

I'm talking about telling younger moms, you are not welcome until you have school aged children. To find something else to preoccupy the time.

 

Like in my current CC group, the older women cannot understand why on earth a parent with only a 4 year old would want to join. They say, behind their backs, "They just need to slow down!" I try to explain, maybe it isn't the aggressive education they are after right now, but friends. They don't think of that because they already have friends! And let me say that a lot of the older moms are there for the community aspect, as well.

 

I think sometimes it is a misunderstanding in goals. Young mom are trying to join for the community aspect, yet older moms just assume it is because they are itching to get started.

[beth83]

I feel so blessed, this month, right when i needed it, i met two women, one a homeschooling mum with kids ranging age 12 to newborn, in her first year. And one soon to be homeschooling mum wuth a toddler and plans for another. For the first time i can do something social on a regular basis. It was amazing to invite someone over and not hear about how busy they are and 'maybe soon'. Its like our own little homeschool playgroup. I dont take this for granted at all.

I'm so excited for you!!! I remember finally meeting my first homeschooling mom with young kids and it was a huge relief, plus it made our life so much better. She is my best friend now!

[lea_lpz]

Ugh! I just really don't get it. When my oldest was preschool age, we had plenty of opportunity to get community with other preschool moms. Lots of moms had there kids in preschool only 4 days a week, even at 4. We had plenty of mom groups for preschoolers and mommy and me classes and the preschool library story time was packed. Our stroller exercise class had at least 5 preschoolers attend because they did afternoon class, and the program was like an hour work out plus a built in play group after. Even last year when my dd was in k, and we homeschooled, there were lots of 5 year olds we'd do lunch play dates because k is only half day at the public school and we had some 5 year olds in classes like Music Together and KinderClass because it was for ages 2-5 and because a lot of parents were waiting for their kid to start k at 6 or they were homeschooled.

 

I didn't feel a need to join a homeschool group or co-op until this year when my dd, 6, hit first grade. I could join, but like Ellie said, it was obviously geared to school age kids. Park days from 1-4, smack dab in the middle of my preschool age kids (because school age really is 6+, that's why it is "pre"school and kindergarten, German for little children's garden, and is not compulsory)....nope. Not giving that up. Field trips where I know my kids will likely be bored out of their mind and start fussing when it is past nap? No thank you.

 

I really don't get where you are coming from.

 

My 4 year old is joining our co-op and homeschool group but if he were my oldest we absolutely would be attending preschool age classes and groups with non homeschool associated groups.

 

For preschool I don't see the need for support. We do 30 minutes of preschool specifically geared to my preschooler. It's basically a workbook page, some letter of the week stuff and and an activity with some lauri toys. Not rocket science. After that reading, doing crafts, baking together and going to parks seems natural. I just didn't find I needed hand holding for that.

[dbmamaz]

our park day welcomes  younger kids, but no, they are not welcome in general at coops because they are disruptive.  Our local yahoo group tried starting a spin-off group for preschoolers, but it was never active.  Perhaps in part because its really only a need for a year or two?  

 

Wait until you are homeschooling teens . . . its even harder to find peers then

[Guest]

Word.

 

When I had young teens, I was frequently criticized for or politely told that I was "wasting my time" by talking to parents of preschoolers.

 

I went through a phase of taking pride in my ability to "spot the ones" who would stick to homeschooling. Many of my proteges have grown up to become my mentors.

 

I started attending Park Days when my oldest visible child was 3 and never forgot the feelings you describe. Now I attend Park Day with a five year old and am usually taken for a first time mother.

 

My former proteges are among the seasoned veterans now, but they the ones who defend my right to be there. I can only hope that they treat first time parents as well as they treat me.

[happypamama]

Wow, do most co-ops simply not have anything for the preschoolers?  I'm so glad ours does -- my almost 5yo loves having a class of his own!  (As opposed to hanging out in the nursery with the little two and me.)  I can see prioritizing preschoolers who have older siblings in the co-op over preschoolers who don't have older siblings, if space/supervision is a concern, but if there's room, why not include them (if you do have classes for the preschoolers, that is)?  We DO have things that are not appropriate for preschoolers and toddlers, so no, we wouldn't welcome them there, whether they have older siblings or not, and yes, that does mean that my big kids skip things sometimes because it's just not workable with the littles.  But park day?  Can't that be open to seasoned homeschoolers, new homeschoolers, and prospective homeschoolers?

[freesia]

I was in your position at one time. It was hard when we started to "lose" our friends. But you know what the years do--put things a bit in perspective. Gently, it was only one year; it ended just as yours has. I started meeting my friends in the evening. I took the younger siblings of homeschooling families to library story time and the park (something I would LOVE someone to do for me now). That way I got my social time and so did my kids--but it was at a different time.

 

While not sharing a park day time is silly imho, many homeschooling events take a great deal of planning and energy. As Ellie said, they are geared for the older children and preschoolers are often distracting.

 

The idea to start your own group is a good one. My friend is our chapter leader and she always has a list of mothers of preschoolers who are interested. She, too, was in your position once. She would love to put the Moms in touch if she were asked. Could you ask your chapter leader if she could maybe help you get in touch with other Moms of future homeschoolers?

[Pen]

Support and community is really important!  I know I lost a lot of that when we left brick and mortar school.   We do not really have anything that fits us now as homeschoolers even though my ds is 11.   We are looking for other ways now.  

[beth83]

I was in your position at one time. It was hard when we started to "lose" our friends. But you know what the years do--put things a bit in perspective. Gently, it was only one year; it ended just as yours has. I started meeting my friends in the evening. I took the younger siblings of homeschooling families to library story time and the park (something I would LOVE someone to do for me now). That way I got my social time and so did my kids--but it was at a different time.

 

While not sharing a park day time is silly imho, many homeschooling events take a great deal of planning and energy. As Ellie said, they are geared for the older children and preschoolers are often distracting.

 

The idea to start your own group is a good one. My friend is our chapter leader and she always has a list of mothers of preschoolers who are interested. She, too, was in your position once. She would love to put the Moms in touch if she were asked. Could you ask your chapter leader if she could maybe help you get in touch with other Moms of future homeschoolers?

Chapter leader of what?

[freesia]

Chapter leader of what?

Your local homeschool group. Where I live, the leaders of the local branches of State homeschool groups are called chapter leaders. However, any leader of a homeschool group, should be able to help you find other future homeschooling Moms. Actually, for a 4 year old, any family with ages 6 and down would work.

[Ellie]

Your local homeschool group. Where I live, the leaders of the local branches of State homeschool groups are called chapter leaders. However, any leader of a homeschool group, should be able to help you find other future homeschooling Moms. Actually, for a 4 year old, any family with ages 6 and down would work.

 

Not all states have local branches of a state-wide homeschool group. In fact, most don't. :-)

[jamijoy]

I understand what you're saying.  Florida has free pre-kindergarten and it's five days a week.  I am also in MOPS and my dd5 was sad when her friends stopped coming last year because they started going to school everyday at 4 years old.  She got over it once our co-op started and she had her own "school" class with other friends.  I still take her to MOPS and she's five now, but she's fine with playing with all the 3 year olds since my other dd is 3.  There are not any kids there older than 3 except for her though so I can see how you lost a lot of playmates for your dd once other kids her age started preschool.

 

We attended a large co-op in Texas and they started a new rule one year where you had to have a school-aged kid to participate in co-op.  There were so many preschoolers there and some of them had school aged siblings in the public schools and the parents brought only their preschoolers to the co-op, so it was pretty obvious that there were no plans to homeschool these kids.  I'm not exactly sure why the rule was needed, maybe because the preschool classes were so large with those kids added in also?

 

I don't get why your local group would do that with the support group though.  There are many families in ours that have both school aged and preschool aged kids, myself included.  I don't see how it would hurt to include those with only preschool-aged kids unless the group participation was just so big that it was hard to take everyone who wanted to participate on field trips.  They may have their reasons though.

 

I don't think the support that homeschool groups provide is only for educational related issues.  I don't have much trouble with that part of homeschooling.  It's the adult conversation that I crave from homeschool support groups, especially when my dh is deployed.  ...being able to talk with other women for a break to spending everyday, all day with my dear children. You are right though, all of your friends with kids your age are not in that situation because they sent their preschoolers off to school, so you have to find support for that somewhere else.  As much as I love MOPS and other preschool aged groups we've been too, the majority of the moms there don't understand why I don't put my 4 year olds and older in school.

[MusicMama]

I feel your pain.  We start to lose friends to all day preK at 3.  That makes for a long, lonely 2-3 years until school age arrives.  There are no more play groups, everyone is at school!  I didn't join a homeschool group until my oldest was in Kindergarten.  But it is also a blessing for my prekers because they now have people to play with.  I also understand how some of the veteran moms may be gun shy.  I only have a first grader, and already I have friends asking me lots of detailed questions about how we homeschool.  It is tiring.  90% of them end up putting their kids in public school, anyways.  If I have a spare 30 minute window in my day, I don't want to spend it on their idle curiosity!  That's what Google is for.   :)  What is the solution?  I'm not sure.  Maybe someone in your shoes could ask to join a group and form preschool park days, or have a monthly prek activity.  If that occured in our group, I wouldn't be able to attend.  I don't have the time, I'm struggling with running a small business and getting the three R's in.  But other mom's with prek eldest children may be interested.  Who knows.  But wanted you to know your frustration has been shared.   :)

[pollo_la]

I think it does depend on the group. I joined a homeschool support group when my oldest was 3. I simply wanted to get to know other homeschoolers and learn more about what was out there (curriculum wise). The group met once a month for moms (an evening meeting), and scheduled field trips throughout the year for everyone (kids and adults). I happily attended the evening meetings, and simply passed on the field trips, as my children were really too young. Anyway, it was a great fit. No one complained about my presence. I'm guessing I could have taken my kiddos on the field trips as well, but that would have been a lot of work for me. I would have had to supervise my small children in a setting that really wasn't ideal for them. Honestly, I've never really thought about it??? I'm not sure how groups work around here. We moved from MI to NM 3 years ago, and we haven't joined any groups here.

[FriedClams]

Sure, I'd welcome people who have younger children, as long as they understand that our activities will be focused on school-age children, that is, children 5yo and older. Many of our families have children younger than 5, and we try to be sensitive to that when we're planning field trips, because we don't want people to have to get childcare, for crying out loud, :-) But our field trips will always be planned with older children in mind, and some of them will definitely not be suitable for very young children. We will probably have park days beginning at noon, when the littles are taking naps, but since our school-age members aren't, we're going to go with that. If we plan some sort of presentation day, it will be for older children; we hope you'll come to the event, but please don't be disappointed when we have specified that participants will be 5 and older. Science fair? School age. Art contest? School age. For us it might mean that our older children will participate while our younger children watch. We're ok with that.

 

I say this because we have welcomed people who only have pre-school-aged children, and we've had to deal with things like this. We don't want to. Good or bad, we don't want to.

 

Come over to my house for tea and we'll chat. Bring your whole family over for dinner. Come to our support group's Moms' Night Out (adults only, except for nursing babies). :-)

I agree with this. It is particularly difficult when enthusiastic parents (and this is not aimed at you - please don't take it that way) are SURE their 4 year old is so gifted that they need to be in with the 7 years olds for an activity. That 4 year old may well read better than the 7 year old, but it may not be an age appropriate activity for a 4 year old. Dealing with that a few times makes you direct with your limitations (and be considered rude and uninclusive) or include everyone (and be frustrated).

 

Also, invitations are great - but with that is the expectation that all children will be invited to participate in the activities and not just watch. Parents may take a little one expecting to have them observe the older kids, but really, who will be the one to say no when Junior asks to participate? Leaders will often then have to be polite and include younger kids - taking time and attention away from the older kids the activity was designed for. Same Catch-22.

 

I will say, I totally feel your pain about losing your group. Strangely I'm feeling that as an older HS mom as more families put their kids in school. It's really weird and unsettling. Transitions are hard. The ebb and flow of relationships is tough.

 

Ok, I'm still rambling...

 

I would love, as an older HS mom to be albe to encourage and mentor young moms wanting to HS. I have a passion for researching curriculum and I love homeschooling. Thing is - my kids are older and I don't know any younger moms. My mom friends with little ones also have a range up to big kids. I don't really have any way to connect with youngest moms. Hang at story time? Creepy. MOPS? LOVED it, but I just can't give up a full morning every 2 weeks. Church? No young kids (tiny church).

 

So if I were you I'd team up with someone. I think a great pair would be you inviting moms you know with little ones thinking about homeschooling, and an older more experienced mom who could mentor and help the younge moms learn the ropes. I wish I could do that here. Every couple of weeks we meet, the kids play, and talk homeschooling. I could invite my friends who school differently than me as a guest. You could manage a tot bag swap, or a new activity bag for the age range youre working with. You'd have friendly older mom faces when you join into the bigger group, and the older moms could help you beyond "slow down and read" (which honestly, is really fabulous advice). Maybe if you called the local HS group they would know someone who would be a good mentor.

[momma2three]

I think it might depend on the region, too.  Here preschool is the norm, but only 2 or 3 days a week, either morning or afternoon.  There are endless options for library story hours, drop-in classes, classes you pay for, and so on.  The playground is also full of preschool aged kids.  My oldest went to and my youngest two currently go to a preschool that's 5 days a week, and I feel shut out of lots of the preschool-aged Mom circuit because we aren't free any mornings, and that's when everything happened.  But I can see that in some areas more preschool is the norm, so it must be harder to find other kids.

[Dmmetler]

I joined a homeschool group when DD was 3, not so much by intent, but simply because that was who was at the park playground. DD didn't fit in well with kids her age, but really did well with older kids, and those HSed 5-7 yr olds were willing to accept her. The moms were willing to accept me. We didn't do the older kid stuff-just park day and the occasional field trip to somewhere little ones were welcome, like the zoo. She actually did go to PS K at age 4, but I kept stopping in at park day because I missed the moms. When I was struggling with school stuff, they were empathic-while their children showed there was a better way. When DD had a day out of school, they welcomed her. I started doing things like scheduling her pediatrician appointment in the morning of park day so I had an excuse to keep her out of school so she could see her friends.

 

When, in January, we decided to homeschool for 1st grade, they encouraged me and helped me find my bearings before bringing her home.

 

My group has evolved and become much bigger than a few moms meeting on the hill at a local park, but that's still the same policy-we welcome anyone for park days, the monthly meetings, and so on, whether you're a seasoned homeschooler or just considering it while your kids are still in PS (we've had several moms go that route besides me-all of them have had their kids home within a year). However, for things like co-ops, we do give priority to families that are homeschooling older children first, simply because there are limited rooms at the church, and classes for little ones need to be kept small. We'll let families with only preschoolers in once we've accommodated families who are homeschooling older kids and need the little ones busy during that time.

 

We also encourage moms of little ones to set up social activities, special classes, and similar things for the little ones-where the older kids are the "extras" for a change.

 

 

 

 

[Barb_]

Yep, I was there what seems like a lifetime ago.  You could totally join my homeschooling group.  If I had one.

[Stellalarella]

I was in your position at one time. It was hard when we started to "lose" our friends. But you know what the years do--put things a bit in perspective. Gently, it was only one year; it ended just as yours has. I started meeting my friends in the evening. I took the younger siblings of homeschooling families to library story time and the park (something I would LOVE someone to do for me now). That way I got my social time and so did my kids--but it was at a different time.

 

 

The idea to start your own group is a good one. 

 

 

freesia,  I appreciate your words.

 

Beth, it sounds like you have a passion for reaching out to other mothers who are interested in educating their very young children.  Don't feel like you need to be an expert to start a group that will serve others like yourself and meet your needs at the same time.  If what you want is a group, then Just do it.  :)  

 

If you want advice from folks that have been hsing a while, come here to the WTM boards.  :)  They are always on, and always up.  

 

If you would like to consider a different option, how about this one? Make a friend with one mom who is in a different life stage.  I choose not to invest my time in taking my kids to a homeschool support group or activity group (quite frankly the thought of it makes me feel exhausted :) ) but I do LOVE, LOVE to have one on one conversations with young mothers.  If they are willing to come to my house (and usually that's fine because they feel nervous about having 7 of us at their homes :) ) then I make lunch or snack or even supper, their wee ones play with my older kids and we chat.  JUST today, at 4:00, a young mom came over and we chatted while I made supper.  I put the sweet potatoes in the oven, then we grabbed the sewing machine and repaired her new dress... then I got out Handwriting Without Tears materials and shared them with her and her toddler.  We chatted about audio books, reading to kids, Jim Trelease's book, talked about toddlerhood, and what my kids were learning in science and Latin.  

 

Quite frankly, our 1.5 hour together was so much fun, no stress.  And required zippo pre-prep.  I think one on one friendships are a good investment of time--EVEN when mothering stages change and you have to give up spending time with a beloved friend.  

 

I hope you start a group and find friends, or find a friend.  :)

[musicianmom]

I was so eager to join a homeschool group because I wanted my child to make friends who would be homeschooled. I was worried about her making friends, I was worried that she would long to go to school, and I felt it would be a big problem if she got really attached to some kids and then the big split happened at age 5.

 

(Incidentally, that concern has been proven somewhat with dd5, who went to preschool. She misses all her friends who went to K this year, and since she's more introverted than dd8 and takes longer to make friends, she's sort of in social limbo right now.)

 

I see in this thread that people are talking about different things, and that's where some disagreements crop up. I agree that it would be somewhat presumptuous to expect inclusion in an academic co-op when you only have preschoolers. But homeschool social events that are designed for a wide span of ages? Why not include the future homeschoolers?

 

Then again, I'm talking about a homeschool group of several hundred member families, because I live in what must surely be the homeschool capital of America, lol. My group can certainly absorb a few pre-homeschoolers.

[Ellie]

 

I see in this thread that people are talking about different things, and that's where some disagreements crop up. I agree that it would be somewhat presumptuous to expect inclusion in an academic co-op when you only have preschoolers. But homeschool social events that are designed for a wide span of ages? Why not include the future homeschoolers?

 

 

Preschool-age children would be welcome, of course, to social events. What has happened with some support groups, though, is that the parents who have *only* preschool-age children want *activities* which focus on their preschoolers--field trips and art projects and so on.

[Farrar]

Well said.

 

I'm so, so glad we had a strong preschool homeschool group, so I do think the best solution is groups specifically for that age.

 

I get not having youngers at a coop or class, but not letting a family attend a park day or a mom attend a night out? So cliqueish and middle schooly. Just exclusionary. I honestly find some of the things people have said about it here full of generalizations. So you knew some moms of littles who were chatty and didn't supervise or who changed their minds later about homeschooling therefore all preschool parents can't come to your support meeting? Or you didn't need it, therefore no one should? Come on, folks.

[musicianmom]

Preschool-age children would be welcome, of course, to social events. What has happened with some support groups, though, is that the parents who have *only* preschool-age children want *activities* which focus on their preschoolers--field trips and art projects and so on.

Yeah, well, you're right, that's silly, lol.

[momma2three]

Would you consider starting your own?  I recently started a group and was really pleasantly surprised at how easy it was to spread the word.  I posted on a few Facebook groups, and sent out an email on the homeschool yahoo group I'm a member of.  I got quite a lot of members these ways, and never even got around to doing some of my other advertising ideas, including putting up a notice at some local libraries, contacting a few churches and asking for mention in their newsletter, and using Meetup.com.  

 

It can seem daunting to have to put something together, but you could arrange a monthly meeting at a playground which wouldn't require any particular setup or organizing.

[beth83]

Would you consider starting your own? I recently started a group and was really pleasantly surprised at how easy it was to spread the word. I posted on a few Facebook groups, and sent out an email on the homeschool yahoo group I'm a member of. I got quite a lot of members these ways, and never even got around to doing some of my other advertising ideas, including putting up a notice at some local libraries, contacting a few churches and asking for mention in their newsletter, and using Meetup.com.

 

It can seem daunting to have to put something together, but you could arrange a monthly meeting at a playground which wouldn't require any particular setup or organizing.

As I stated in my original post. I'm not there anymore. I have a group and I have finally been welcomed, being that my oldest is now 5. I have a heart for these moms, though. A friend and I are taking on our informal CC park days and we are opening it to younger homeschooling moms because we don't want anyone else to be in this position. I will always be aware and cautious because I was there, but I always feel a lot of others are not tolerant. Plus, I am in one city doing this. I guarantee every city out there has moms like this. What about all of them?!? My heart goes to them. I was just hoping older women would maybe think about it more.

 

I never wanted to join a co-op at that age. I never was looking for an art class. I was never hoping my older children would look in to what the olders were doing. I NEVER claimed my child was gifted and this was why I needed in now. I was just a mother on that journey once who was refused to participate in the most mild social activities because we weren't legit.

[beth83]

I see in this thread that people are talking about different things, and that's where some disagreements crop up. I agree that it would be somewhat presumptuous to expect inclusion in an academic co-op when you only have preschoolers. But homeschool social events that are designed for a wide span of ages? Why not include the future homeschoolers?

 

EXACTLY!

[sagira]

I remember being "that mom" when my oldest was 2 (he's 10 now). I was eagerly researching homeschooling, and needed like-minded moms around me, even if I wasn't homeschooling yet. I also got the "calm down, wait until he's older" advice, and I'm actually glad I did. I see it now with my middle and youngest. These years are for preparing.

 

My youngest is two now, and if there's a field trip, we're there, naptime or no naptime. She can fall asleep afterwards. I always dragged my dc everywhere, and as a result they are adaptable, resilient children ;)

 

I agree about it being harsh to exclude moms of young children. As hsers we should support and encourage, not alienate. What if she wanted to see what it looked like? If she's genuinely interested in homeschooling, we as experienced hsing moms can be a good example of helpfulness.

[momma2three]

As I stated in my original post. I'm not there anymore. I have a group and I have finally been welcomed, being that my oldest is now 5. I have a heart for these moms, though. A friend and I are taking on our informal CC park days and we are opening it to younger homeschooling moms because we don't want anyone else to be in this position. I will always be aware and cautious because I was there, but I always feel a lot of others are not tolerant. Plus, I am in one city doing this. I guarantee every city out there has moms like this. What about all of them?!? My heart goes to them. I was just hoping older women would maybe think about it more.

 

I never wanted to join a co-op at that age. I never was looking for an art class. I was never hoping my older children would look in to what the olders were doing. I NEVER claimed my child was gifted and this was why I needed in now. I was just a mother on that journey once who was refused to participate in the most mild social activities because we weren't legit.

 

Just because you're not there anymore doesn't mean you can't still form your own group for preschoolers!  Since you are in the coop, you can be a valuable go-between.  And you have younger children.  If you get together a group of parents of preschoolers, it's likely a few will be happy to assume some sort of co-leadership position and can help organize events and activities.

[FriedClams]

As I stated in my original post. I'm not there anymore. I have a group and I have finally been welcomed, being that my oldest is now 5. I have a heart for these moms, though. A friend and I are taking on our informal CC park days and we are opening it to younger homeschooling moms because we don't want anyone else to be in this position. I will always be aware and cautious because I was there, but I always feel a lot of others are not tolerant. Plus, I am in one city doing this. I guarantee every city out there has moms like this. What about all of them?!? My heart goes to them. I was just hoping older women would maybe think about it more.

 

I never wanted to join a co-op at that age. I never was looking for an art class. I was never hoping my older children would look in to what the olders were doing. I NEVER claimed my child was gifted and this was why I needed in now. I was just a mother on that journey once who was refused to participate in the most mild social activities because we weren't legit.

I was the one who mentioned the gifted issue, and I stated it was not aimed at you. I am sorry of you took offense. It was an example of why including younger kids has not worked well for me as a group leader.

 

I think your comments above really highlight the different types of homeschool groups. Our group does not organize park days or social gatherings. Moms get tougher with friends, but that's about it. It also will not sanction field trips because our group is so large. We have a Facebook page that people will announce things they have organized themselves (tours of local places, 'field trips' to plays, etc) , but the homeschool group doesn't manage any trips. I think liability is also an issue when it's a "_____ Homeschool Group Play Day" and a kid breaks an arm at the park, versus it being a group of moms. There are a few organized things - but it's usually a few moms getting together to meet a need, and it's a tight age limitation (for the reasons I outlined earlier).

 

When my kids were little we (some friends and I) did organize group things. We started a picnic time after the library story hour. We started a music co-op apart from our homeschool umbrella group that has grown into 2 bands and 3 choirs. We staged a play. A real one with cast, costumes, sets, etc. We've done a musical. We've done field trips and park days. It just takes one mom to get the ball rolling - and with Facebook it's easier. You can do it. It may be just you some weeks, but that's OK. I just don't anymore because my kids are older, I don't have time with middle school academics and activities, and I don't know the moms with little kids. Talk to all your mom friends and start Friday at the Park. You can build it from there. Yes, it's a hassle, but I think it would be worth it to you (or the mom who reads this and feels exactly like you did in the OP).

 

And the mom who said we older moms should befriend younger moms - you're right and I will be working on that. I know my mentor moms are still invaluable to me. :-)

[MotherOfBoys]

The original post is beautiful.

 

My hs coop just changed their rule this year to allow under 5's if they are planning to hs a curriculum this year. They realized they didn't like the negative publicity they got last year for not including someone who was doing a curriculum with her 4.5 year old (she needed a support group and had NO ONE). My kids graduated the MOPS program because they only go to 4yrs. All I wanted was support teaching reading. I had no idea where to start or what is normal. If reading didn't work out then I wouldn't have continued to hs the rest of the years.

This coop all agreed that they have a preschool class anyways, which isn't full, and the mom's at that age don't usually have many kids. They are more help in the coop then their kids take away.

 

One young new mom (only has two girls) this year has great skills she's bringing to the older kids while her kids are being watched in the younger. She is the hole art program this year. I'm glad she's benefiting from the new rule change.

 

They actually had the nerve to ask me to teach a class last year when they just got done telling me that my kids couldn't be in it! My oldest missed the cut off by 2 months. This is a Christian hs group. It's everyone in my sunday school class except my family. Can you say awkward.

[shinyhappypeople]

I cannot fathom not inviting an interested mother to a Park Day.   I find that cliqueish to an ugly extreme.  Make the co-ops and formal events about school age kids. Fine.  But, I just can't wrap my brain around excluding someone from Park Day.

 

It's a park.  It's a public place.  It's unstructured.  There will, almost invariably, be younger siblings running around.  It harms no one, but is a great gift to the mom and her child.

 

I remember the loneliness. :(  I was big into MOMS Club... and then my oldest turned 3 and *poof* her little friends no longer went to play group, because they were in preschool.   I find the advice to  "suck it up, you'll get through it" to be pretty d****d heartless and selfish. How about step outside your comfort zone *just one tiny little step* and take a risk?  It's easy to come up with all these rational, practical excuses to exclude others when you're already on the inside.  Make yourself remember what it feels like to be on the outside and all alone with just you and your little kids.  IT HURTS.   Show hospitality and compassion.

 

Its.a.park.day.

 

.  

 

 

 

[8filltheheart]

I have been contemplating how to respond to this thread.

 

I completely agree to exclude moms from moms' meetings and park days is simply ridiculous. Can't imagine the rationale. I hosted a moms' meeting at my house the other night and there were 2 moms with toddlers and pre-schoolers, 1 with kids in a private Catholic school that is contemplating homeschooling, 1 unschooler, several moms that only homeschool through 8th and put their kids in high school, and the rest were a mish-mash of Abeka, classical, eclectic, and even a workbox mom.

 

All that said, this thread has also reminded me that some young moms don't really understand the time restraints on moms of older children. Field trips, helping planning activities, etc......I am thrilled that there are young moms out there that have the time and energy to make those things happen. But, don't look for our family to be involved on that sort of level or have time to do things that come up at the last minute or be able to give advise at any time of day. I am willing to do what I can on my terms.......but my terms may be completely out of sync with what young moms want.

 

The day to day interaction of different homeschooling families is going to be discrepant. I have learned whose telephone # s to ignore during school hrs bc the mom on the other end has finished her school day and has questions and won't get off the phone even after multiple polite hints bc surely the bulk of our day is finished. I know whose calls I can answer bc I can schedule a time to call them back and works for both of us.

 

My main pt is that it goes both ways.

[beth83]

I was the one who mentioned the gifted issue, and I stated it was not aimed at you. I am sorry of you took offense. It was an example of why including younger kids has not worked well for me as a group leader.

 

I think your comments above really highlight the different types of homeschool groups. Our group does not organize park days or social gatherings. Moms get tougher with friends, but that's about it. It also will not sanction field trips because our group is so large. We have a Facebook page that people will announce things they have organized themselves (tours of local places, 'field trips' to plays, etc) , but the homeschool group doesn't manage any trips. I think liability is also an issue when it's a "_____ Homeschool Group Play Day" and a kid breaks an arm at the park, versus it being a group of moms. There are a few organized things - but it's usually a few moms getting together to meet a need, and it's a tight age limitation (for the reasons I outlined earlier).

 

When my kids were little we (some friends and I) did organize group things. We started a picnic time after the library story hour. We started a music co-op apart from our homeschool umbrella group that has grown into 2 bands and 3 choirs. We staged a play. A real one with cast, costumes, sets, etc. We've done a musical. We've done field trips and park days. It just takes one mom to get the ball rolling - and with Facebook it's easier. You can do it. It may be just you some weeks, but that's OK. I just don't anymore because my kids are older, I don't have time with middle school academics and activities, and I don't know the moms with little kids. Talk to all your mom friends and start Friday at the Park. You can build it from there. Yes, it's a hassle, but I think it would be worth it to you (or the mom who reads this and feels exactly like you did in the OP).

 

And the mom who said we older moms should befriend younger moms - you're right and I will be working on that. I know my mentor moms are still invaluable to me. :-)

No offense taken. Seriously!

 

What you said was true, though, in that I think that is on a lot of older homeschoolers minds. Maybe some of them assume that is why I wanted to join? It's the whole issue of misunderstood interest! Because if someone doesn't know the reasoning and just declines those younger moms from the beginning, they can really make up their own opinions as to why they want to join a homeschooling group when they aren't there, yet, in life.

[boscopup]

I agree that there's no reason to not include preschoolers in park day. That's just silly. It seems like park day would be geared toward preschoolers!

 

As far as there not being groups for preschoolers... If there isn't an appropriate group, form one! Why expect someone else to do it? If you're the one with a problem, solve that problem. Be proactive. The older moms likely don't have time to deal with it anymore. I've BTDT. When my kids were babies/toddlers/preschoolers, I went to LLL meetings (good place to connect with other moms, some of which will probably homeschool), and I was involved in starting up some babywearing groups. From the babywearing groups, I met some friends that weren't homeschooling at the time (and neither was I planning to at that time), but who are now homeschooling along with me. As we got into homeschooling our school aged children, we found we didn't have the time to do LLL or babywearing meetings, etc., but we still maintain the adult friendships we formed. When we were in that season of babies/toddlers/preschoolers, we didn't complain that there weren't any babywearing groups in our area. We started one group, then eventually started another. We didn't know each other beforehand. One mom just said, "Hey, I'll be at this library conference room X date at Y time, anyone want to join me?" Folks showed up, became friends, and life went on. :)

 

And back to advice from more experienced homeschoolers... I've found that as my kids get older, I see more and more how good that advice was. Some of it I took and am glad I did. Some of it I didn't, and I've had to make changes because I should have listened! So be open minded. When you're oldest is 3 or 4, it's hard to believe that things will be so much easier if you just wait a bit. It's hard to understand that your child will change SO much in such a short time. You're wanting to jump in and get started, but it may really be better for your child to wait and relax a bit. I'm lucky that my oldest taught me that lesson the hard way... He's very clearly a bright boy (likely "gifted", though I've never tested him). He taught himself a lot at a young age. So when he was 4, I thought I'd do "preschool" with him (we intended to send him to K at a private school, but my DH didn't want to send him to preschool because he didn't go to preschool and didn't think it was necessary... I fully agree now that it wasn't necessary :D ). My son resisted anything that even resembled "school". As I was reading online, I saw a lot of experienced homeschoolers suggesting to relax and back off at that age. So I listened (that time!) and backed off completely. A few months later? My son spontaneously started reading at a mid-first grade level at age 4.5. I had done NOTHING to teach him. He just did it. At that point, I continued to stay back and let him proceed. I didn't go rushing off for curriculum. He was reading at a mid-2nd grade level 6 months later. He entered K knowing all the math and reading they were going to teach that year, and I hadn't taught him a thing on purpose. We just lived and talked a lot. I included him in household chores, cooking, etc. I read to him. I answered his questions. I listened when he discovered some math concept. If he asked about something, I explained it. This worked fabulously! The only reason my current 4 year old has any "curriculum" at all is that he asks to do school. Mostly, he does it on his own. He's even started reading the directions himself (!!!), so he's even more independent. Like his oldest brother, he moves faster if I stay out of the way. :D

 

So when I suggest to someone that they should relax and put aside phonics for their 4 year old who is resisting, I say that because I've BTDT, bought the T-shirt. And many moms here much more experienced than me have BTDT even more, bought 10 T-shirts, and sent their relaxed preschool kids to college. :)

 

I have to constantly reevaluate my current homeschooling, looking at the advice of these moms with graduates, and determining if we really need to do xyz now in 4th grade, etc. Even at this point, I still suffer from the "ready to get to the next stage" syndrome that moms of preschoolers have - unfortunately, that doesn't just go away! I have to constantly remind myself that we WILL get to that next stage, and it isn't helping my son if I push him there too early. In some areas, I've had to slow down and change the game plan. Sometimes even, *gasp*, not challenging him as much as he could be challenged. There are some things I've decided to do differently with his younger brothers.

 

I love helping new homeschoolers get started. This summer, I found out that a lady who used to go to church with me was planning to homeschool her kids. Her oldest was about to start K. I had her and her kids over to play, and I brought out some curriculum I thought she might want to see. We talked about how the homeschooling day goes, what the important things are, how to deal with younger baby/toddler while homeschooling, etc. We had a great time! Do I have time to attend a weekly park date for preschoolers? No. I mean, I could probably manage it (my oldest is only 4th grade, so schooling 4 days a week would be "ok"), but it would make me insane. Our school days are longer than they used to be. I'd like to get school done, get my house cleaned, get my family fed, get some exercise myself (!!), etc. I have other responsibilities now that I didn't have when my oldest was 4. It was easy to go out once a week back then and not have it throw our whole day out the window. Not so easy now. And as my oldest gets into middle school and then high school... my time to do all that stuff will be even less. I'll have 3 kids to school at that point. I really do think the best people to run a preschool group is the moms of only preschoolers who still do have that time available to them. So again, be proactive! :)

 

(note: my homeschool support group DOES include moms of preschoolers, though I didn't join until my oldest was 1st grade - I see no problem with including preschoolers in play groups and social outings that are appropriate for the preschool set)

[lea_lpz]

I think it might depend on the region, too. Here preschool is the norm, but only 2 or 3 days a week, either morning or afternoon. There are endless options for library story hours, drop-in classes, classes you pay for, and so on. The playground is also full of preschool aged kids. My oldest went to and my youngest two currently go to a preschool that's 5 days a week, and I feel shut out of lots of the preschool-aged Mom circuit because we aren't free any mornings, and that's when everything happened. But I can see that in some areas more preschool is the norm, so it must be harder to find other kids.

See this has been my experience, too. Most moms had 3 year olds attend 2 days a week (T, Th) and 4 year old 3 days a week (M,W,F). The kids who were 4 1/2 to 5 and doing pre-k usually went M-Th, and it was all 3-4 hours so usually an am or afternoon class. Maybe because we have so much stuff going on for preschool age kids? It was just really common for moms to be doing a class or hitting story time on the days they didn't go to preschool so on any given morning we could find some preschool activity.

[Ellie]

I cannot fathom not inviting an interested mother to a Park Day.   I find that cliqueish to an ugly extreme.  Make the co-ops and formal events about school age kids. Fine.  But, I just can't wrap my brain around excluding someone from Park Day.

 

It's a park.  It's a public place.  It's unstructured.  There will, almost invariably, be younger siblings running around.  It harms no one, but is a great gift to the mom and her child.

 

I remember the loneliness. :(  I was big into MOMS Club... and then my oldest turned 3 and *poof* her little friends no longer went to play group, because they were in preschool.   I find the advice to  "suck it up, you'll get through it" to be pretty d****d heartless and selfish. How about step outside your comfort zone *just one tiny little step* and take a risk?  It's easy to come up with all these rational, practical excuses to exclude others when you're already on the inside.  Make yourself remember what it feels like to be on the outside and all alone with just you and your little kids.  IT HURTS.   Show hospitality and compassion.

 

Its.a.park.day.

 

.  

 

I cannot imagine not inviting anyone to a park day, either. It's just going to be a park day that starts at noon, which might not be conducive to naps, and we don't plan to start earlier (or later) for the sake of people who have little ones who take naps.