What exactly am I supposed to do when I find

[WishboneDawn]

I found a bunch of wrappers in my 13 year old daughters trash can once talk about freaking out! Turns out the nurse handed them out at her school and her and a bunch of her friends wanted to show the nurse what they should be used for, water balloons! They filled them up one morning so as soon as they got off the bus they could bust them at the nurses feet because they didn't appreciate being called sluts when they were very proud of the fact they didn't spread their legs. I got called from the school is how I found out. There were quite a few girls that were pretty irate this nurse had handed them these things it said it made them feel like they were being called sluts when they had never even kissed boys before lol!

 

It could be something really silly like this. They had posters made up and everything it was almost funny except they got in school suspension for being disruptive. She is very big on don't assume all kids are having sex cause their not.

Wow. Yeah, that nurse probably should not have handed out condoms. Pamphlets on character, maturity, and bullying behavior were probably what the girls really needed.

[Kari C in SC]

 

However, he has taken a long time in getting home from school some days. He's always said, and I believed him (no reason not to, until now) that they stopped to get burgers on the way home or that he walked his friends home the long way - completely plausible based on where they live.

 

I feel a bit sick.

Well, as much as you don't want to hear this... 15 minutes of unsupervised time anywhere is long enough to have s*x. Seriously, when dh and I were teenagers, we would find a secluded area and well... Yeah... Now I am the parent and I keep telling my soon to be 15 year old dd that she will have to be supervised with her boyfriend. And... Then... Even I know at some point they will want to be alone as they get older. Yeah... I married the boy from high school, but I know that is not the norm.

[Danestress]

I guess I think our children are not obligated to talk to us. Some will. Some won't. But I think my years of devotion entitle them to let me talk a little. I would use this as an opportunity to talk about the importance of birth control, the benefits of waiting for s@x, the potential risks (physical and emotional) of sex, and the legal issues, which vary state to state. I hope my child might hear me out and think about what I am saying. But ultimately, kids, male and female, may simply want to have s@x. You can try to control movement to prevent that, but it gets pretty hard with a 16 or 17 year old. So if you have his ear, take that opportunity to try to help him think maturely about the decisions he makes now or later regarding his own body.

[Lisbeth]

Wow. Yeah, that nurse probably should not have handed out condoms. Pamphlets on character, maturity, and bullying behavior were probably what the girls really needed.

Agree 100%.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

Wow. Yeah, that nurse probably should not have handed out condoms. Pamphlets on character, maturity, and bullying behavior were probably what the girls really needed.

 

I dunno, reality is some 13 year old's are having sex. I'd rather them not get pregnant or an STD. I may not like reality but even when I was in school I knew of at least a few sexually active kids in 7th and 8th grades.

[nmoira]

I dunno, reality is some 13 year old's are having sex. I'd rather them not get pregnant or an STD. I may not like reality but even when I was in school I knew of at least a few sexually active kids in 7th and 8th grades.

 

Me too, and an 7th grade girl was pregnant when I was in 6th (this was a smallish school), and a girl in my 9th grade homeroom left school after getting pregnant. My 11 and 14yo selves just couldn't wrap her head around what it would be like to be pregnant at that age, though to be fair the 7th grade girl did seem soooo much older to me at the time.

[Spryte]

Our local middle school has had a lot of pregnancies recently. One sixth grader, one seventh, two eighth graders. Hard to imagine.

[bettyandbob]

I asked Calvin.  He said that you should tell your son to put the empty box out for recycling.

 

L

 

This is what I was thinking. 

 

You could tell him when you get home that you found the empty when you did laundry and put it in recycling and since it was empty you put a new box in his dresser drawer. You could tell him your replaced the box because if he is sexually active he needs to use a condom every single time.   You could add your views on how you feel about sexual activity at his age and taking responsibility. And remind him sometimes condoms fail and he will have to take responsibility for that too. 

 

If he's not sexually active, the new box will sit. If he is, the new box will be used. You aren't going to stop him from being sexually active. 

 

Do not talk to girlfriend or her parents. 

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

This is what I was thinking. 

 

You could tell him when you get home that you found the empty when you did laundry and put it in recycling and since it was empty you put a new box in his dresser drawer. You could tell him your replaced the box because if he is sexually active he needs to use a condom every single time.   You could add your views on how you feel about sexual activity at his age and taking responsibility. And remind him sometimes condoms fail and he will have to take responsibility for that too. 

 

If he's not sexually active, the new box will sit. If he is, the new box will be used. You aren't going to stop him from being sexually active. 

 

Do not talk to girlfriend or her parents. 

 

I like this. A good chance to share your views on the topic, and still make sure he is protected if active.

[MollyAnn]

Wow. Yeah, that nurse probably should not have handed out condoms. Pamphlets on character, maturity, and bullying behavior were probably what the girls really needed.

I dunno, reality is some 13 year old's are having sex. I'd rather them not get pregnant or an STD. I may not like reality but even when I was in school I knew of at least a few sexually active kids in 7th and 8th grades.

I agree, some 13yo are having sex and should have access to condoms. I think what she meant was, that for these particular girls, the pamphlets would have been better, based on their behavior of being given the condoms. What I find most disturbing about these particular girls is that by being given condoms they believed they were being called sluts. That girls who need condoms are sluts. That girls who have sex are sluts. I really wish that word would disappear.

I could go on and on about this word perpetuating double standards, how these girls will treat other girls based on sexual activity because of the slut beliefs they have, on how... I will stop there. I do find that word incredibly disgusting.

[katilac]

I found a bunch of wrappers in my 13 year old daughters trash can once talk about freaking out! Turns out the nurse handed them out at her school and her and a bunch of her friends wanted to show the nurse what they should be used for, water balloons! They filled them up one morning so as soon as they got off the bus they could bust them at the nurses feet because they didn't appreciate being called sluts when they were very proud of the fact they didn't spread their legs. I got called from the school is how I found out. There were quite a few girls that were pretty irate this nurse had handed them these things it said it made them feel like they were being called sluts when they had never even kissed boys before lol!

 

It could be something really silly like this. They had posters made up and everything it was almost funny except they got in school suspension for being disruptive. She is very big on don't assume all kids are having sex cause their not.

Honestly, this is the ugliest post I have read on the boards in a while.

[Leav97]

I found a bunch of wrappers in my 13 year old daughters trash can once talk about freaking out! Turns out the nurse handed them out at her school and her and a bunch of her friends wanted to show the nurse what they should be used for, water balloons! They filled them up one morning so as soon as they got off the bus they could bust them at the nurses feet because they didn't appreciate being called sluts when they were very proud of the fact they didn't spread their legs. I got called from the school is how I found out. There were quite a few girls that were pretty irate this nurse had handed them these things it said it made them feel like they were being called sluts when they had never even kissed boys before lol!

 

It could be something really silly like this. They had posters made up and everything it was almost funny except they got in school suspension for being disruptive. She is very big on don't assume all kids are having sex cause their not.

 

How is handing out condoms calling girls sluts?

[Catwoman]

I found a bunch of wrappers in my 13 year old daughters trash can once talk about freaking out! Turns out the nurse handed them out at her school and her and a bunch of her friends wanted to show the nurse what they should be used for, water balloons! They filled them up one morning so as soon as they got off the bus they could bust them at the nurses feet because they didn't appreciate being called sluts when they were very proud of the fact they didn't spread their legs. I got called from the school is how I found out. There were quite a few girls that were pretty irate this nurse had handed them these things it said it made them feel like they were being called sluts when they had never even kissed boys before lol!

 

It could be something really silly like this. They had posters made up and everything it was almost funny except they got in school suspension for being disruptive. She is very big on don't assume all kids are having sex cause their not.

I just wanted to clarify something -- what made your dd and her friends feel as though the nurse was calling them sl*ts? :confused: Did she actually make derogatory comments to them as she handed out the condoms?

 

If the nurse simply handed out the condoms as part of a health lesson, those girls were way out of line to fill them with water and dump them at her feet. The nurse was simply doing her job. If the girls truly believed that the nurse was calling them sl*ts, they should have marched straight to the principal's office and reported it.

 

I also don't understand how you found the condom wrappers in your dd's wastebasket at home if she and her friends waited until they got to school to unwrap the condoms and fill them with water. Wouldn't she have simply thrown them away in the girls' bathroom when she was making the "water balloons?" I find it hard to believe that she filled the condoms with water at home and toted them on the school bus so she could lob them at the nurse. What did she and her friends do, get on the school bus with buckets-full of water balloons? (And why would the nurse be standing outside when the school buses were arriving at school? How would the kids have even known she would be there?)

 

I'm not trying to be argumentative -- I just feel like I'm missing something here.

[Danestress]

Double

[Danestress]

I just wanted to clarify something -- what made your dd and her friends feel as though the nurse was calling them sl*ts? :confused: Did she actually make derogatory comments to them as she handed out the condoms?

 

.

I think it's probably that girls pick up on cultural messages. In our culture, it is still very common for sexually active girls to be considered sl@ts but for the boy to be considered a stud. They get that from older people and their peers both.

 

I totally believed that only a really sl@tty girl would have s@x as a teen. No one ever told me otherwise, and I think many mothers are reluctant to tell their daughters how damaging that message is, because they actually don't want their daughters to think about how nice girls can and do have s@x. Stockard Channing, in Grease, was my first exposure to the idea that there really are worse things a girl could do.

[Catwoman]

I think it's probably that girls pick up on cultural messages. In our culture, it is still very common for sexually active girls to be considered sl@ts but for the boy to be considered a stud. They get that from older people and their peers both.

 

I totally believed that only a really sl@tty girl would have s@x as a teen. No one ever told me otherwise, and I think many mothers are reluctant to tell their daughters how damaging that message is, because they actually don't want their daughters to think about how nice girls can and do have s@x. Stockard Channing, in Grease, was my first exposure to the idea that there really are worse things a girl could do.

If the nurse specifically singled out a few particular girls and handed them some condoms, while not giving any to the other kids, I might understand why those girls might have taken offense, but if she handed them out to all the kids in a particular school class, it seems pretty farfetched to assume that she was calling them all sl*ts.

 

Distributing condoms in public schools isn't exactly a new or unexpected thing, so it seems odd to me that a few girls would be so horribly offended that they had to drop water-filled condoms at the nurse's feet in retaliation.

[WishboneDawn]

I dunno, reality is some 13 year old's are having sex. I'd rather them not get pregnant or an STD. I may not like reality but even when I was in school I knew of at least a few sexually active kids in 7th and 8th grades.

I really don't mind condoms being handed out either. I was being somewhat facetious about that bit. :)

[Danestress]

I can't comment on the retaliation thing. It seems really immature and ill-advised to me.

 

I was just answering what I understood to be a question about why, in the mind of a teen girl, giving her a condom might seem to suggest she might need them, and then lead to the mental leap that she is a sl@t. I also think some 13 year olds enjoy overstating their case a bit.

 

 

If the nurse specifically singled out a few particular girls and handed them some condoms, while not giving any to the other kids, I might understand why those girls might have taken offense, but if she handed them out to all the kids in a particular school class, it seems pretty farfetched to assume that she was calling them all sl*ts.

 

Distributing condoms in public schools isn't exactly a new or unexpected thing, so it seems odd to me that a few girls would be so horribly offended that they had to drop water-filled condoms at the nurse's feet in retaliation.

[Joanne]

Very good points.

 

I think sex at just turned 16 is much too young so my reaction is based on that.

 

 

I think it is much too young, also.

 

But my reaction is based on my perception of the best way to parent teens nearing legal adulthood.

 

Parenting them restrictively enough that sex is not possible is not developmentally appropriate. And sexually active teens are unlikely to stop sexual activity. So, I'd rather my teen arrive to adulthood without becoming a parent or diseased.

[clarkacademy]

Just to clarify the other girls were too scared to bring the condoms to their house my daughter ha a master bathroom totally separate so she figured it was safe. She loaded them up in her back pack to take them on the bus. The nurses door is right by the bus drop off and the kids pass it on their way to the gym every morning. The nurse went to my kids class started handing them out saying things like you don't have to tell me I know your doing it and I don't wanna have to give you a pregnancy test. My daughter as well as the other few that had never even kissed a boy took this offense and so would have I at that age. She never asked to be humiliated in front of a whole class of kids even boys. Neither did the other girls. I couldn't be angry that woman had no right to humiliate my kid at all.

 

We deal with stuff like that at home just cause Suzy Q is pregnant in 8th grade don't mean my kid is having sex. That really upset her for weeks all the boys made fun of all the girls saying horrible stuff all cause a nurse thought she had a right to accuse my kid of having sex. Sorry at that age I would have done worse what my daughter and her friends did I have no issues with. Schools need to quit trying to be parents. Even girls that tried to refuse were made take them they dealt with horrible teasing and were all called sluts for weeks.

[unsinkable]

I think it is much too young, also.

 

But my reaction is based on my perception of the best way to parent teens nearing legal adulthood.

 

Parenting them restrictively enough that sex is not possible is not developmentally appropriate. And sexually active teens are unlikely to stop sexual activity. So, I'd rather my teen arrive to adulthood without becoming a parent or diseased.

And I'd rather not count on birth control alone to insure my teens arrive at adulthood w/o becoming a parent or diseased.

 

I guess I address the situation from not just a physical standpoint. Having sex is a physical, emotional and moral decision. I am trying to give my kids the tools to take all that into consideration.

[Cricket]

I would not have liked my daughter tossing "water balloons" at the nurse's feet but I think it is good that your dd spoke up. Some teens are having sex but some aren't and it is quite insulting to be called a liar. I went to the ER once because of massive bleeding. The doctor and nurses kept asking over and over if I was pregnant because they were convinced I was having a miscarriage. I was in my teens. Finally I yelled that unless another virgin birth was possible, I most certainly was not pregnant!! Afterwards, I saw a young girl about 13 with her friends in the waiting area. I overheard that they were there to get a pregnancy test done so I understood better where the nurses and doctor were coming from.

[LibraryLover]

Be glad he is mature and smart enough to buy and use them?

[Joanne]

And I'd rather not count on birth control alone to insure my teens arrive at adulthood w/o becoming a parent or diseased.

 

I guess I address the situation from not just a physical standpoint. Having sex is a physical, emotional and moral decision. I am trying to give my kids the tools to take all that into consideration.

 

Dude. I've done THAT with my kids their entire lives. Not one of them reached 16 without having had those conversations, repeatedly, from the time they could talk.

By the time I have a sexually active 16 year old, ANOTHER talk is not what's needed.

[Catwoman]

Just to clarify the other girls were too scared to bring the condoms to their house my daughter ha a master bathroom totally separate so she figured it was safe. She loaded them up in her back pack to take them on the bus. The nurses door is right by the bus drop off and the kids pass it on their way to the gym every morning. The nurse went to my kids class started handing them out saying things like you don't have to tell me I know your doing it and I don't wanna have to give you a pregnancy test. My daughter as well as the other few that had never even kissed a boy took this offense and so would have I at that age. She never asked to be humiliated in front of a whole class of kids even boys. Neither did the other girls. I couldn't be angry that woman had no right to humiliate my kid at all.

 

We deal with stuff like that at home just cause Suzy Q is pregnant in 8th grade don't mean my kid is having sex. That really upset her for weeks all the boys made fun of all the girls saying horrible stuff all cause a nurse thought she had a right to accuse my kid of having sex. Sorry at that age I would have done worse what my daughter and her friends did I have no issues with. Schools need to quit trying to be parents. Even girls that tried to refuse were made take them they dealt with horrible teasing and were all called sluts for weeks.

Thanks for the clarification -- it sounds like the nurse had a very inappropriate attitude, and it might be a good idea for some of the parents to get together and request a meeting with her and the principal to discuss the matter. I know the situation is over for your dd, but if the nurse gets away with openly stating that she assumes that all of the kids are having s*x, she will do the same thing to next year's students, and it's not her place to verbalize assumptions like that in front of a classroom full of kids.

[LibraryLover]

I think some of us would rather our kids remain virgins for like...forever?  ;)   (I am all over that water balloon scenario.)

 

But we don't have that sort of control, nor should we.

 

Talk, talk, talk about love and respect etc.

 

And yes, recycle the cardboard, and please,  don't flush used condoms.

[Melissa in Australia]

This is not a typical or expected anecdote for *marijuana* experimentation. It sounds more like an area with high meth use - a different scenario entirely.

 

Well not all these incidence were in my local town the in-laws are in a different country and some of the other people I described have defiantly not used meth and have only been on dope. the teens that got killed in the car were all on dope, it was 20 years ago and meth wasn't really around in this area then. As for the low mental capacity of many of the people in the town they could be taking combinations of all sorts of stuff for all I know. But heaps of Pot is grown in this area, we just had the drug squad helicopter go over a few weeks ago looking for all the crops.

[LibraryLover]

I've told my children weed stunts brain growth; they should wait until like 26 to try it. ;)

 

Teens wasted on alcohol put their lives at risk. Alcohol causes rage.

 

Weed makes you want potato chips.

 

Chill and eat chips, or get angry and get in the car.

 

[Danestress]

I think some of us would rather our kids remain virgins for like...forever? .

Can I ask a question? Please read a curious and interested, non-confrontational sound into my 'voice.'

 

Why do you feel this way? I hear people IRL say this, and never want to ask. It seems to me that s@x is a really good, joy bringing, happy thing in most people's life. I would hate to wish a s@x free life on my kids or even the, "not until they are 30," thing I hear a lot.

 

I know it can bring suffering and sadness too, but why is consensual, pleasureable s@x so threatening for so many parents to think about when their kids are young?

[LibraryLover]

Can I ask a question? Please read a curious and interested, non-confrontational sound into my 'voice.'

 

Why do you feel this way? I hear people IRL say this, and never want to ask. It seems to me that s@x is a really good, joy bringing, happy thing in most people's life. I would hate to wish a s@x free life on my kids or even the, "not until the are 30," thing I hear a lot.

 

I know it can bring suffering and sadness too, but why is consensual, pleasureable s@x so threatening for so many parents to think about when their kids are young?

 

I did not say that I really want my kids to remain virgins until they are 30. :)

[swellmomma]

Can I ask a question? Please read a curious and interested, non-confrontational sound into my 'voice.'

 

Why do you feel this way? I hear people IRL say this, and never want to ask. It seems to me that s@x is a really good, joy bringing, happy thing in most people's life. I would hate to wish a s@x free life on my kids or even the, "not until they are 30," thing I hear a lot.

 

I know it can bring suffering and sadness too, but why is consensual, pleasureable s@x so threatening for so many parents to think about when their kids are young?

For me it is the same as wishing to believe my parents never had sex after I was born.  Clearly it happens, I am "scarred for life" after hearing them have sex when I was a teen.  I would rather live in lala land, and while I know that it will happen, I simply do not want to know about it.  I want my kids to be adults not teens preferably, and hope to one day have grandkids but I would rather imagine it was via immaculate conception.  What happens behind doors can stay behind closed doors and I don't want to even consider it.

 

As for sex as teens.  I want them to have a better life than I do.  I want them to be able to reach all their goals and have a stable marriage and raise kids in a loving home.  Not miss out on college, live in poverty and raise kids as a single parent, all because sex feels good.

 

I have been celibate for going on 6 years now.  Of course I don't want my kids to live a sexless life forever, but I figure they can remain celibate for another 6+ years and wait to meet the love of their life and settle down, or they can get it on now and risk having those 6+ years while raising a family on their own with daily struggles etc.

 

Just because it is pleasurable doesn't mean they should partake in it before they are truly ready, and not just physically. 

 

[Danestress]

Just because it is pleasurable doesn't mean they should partake in it before they are truly ready, and not just physically.

 

Oh, that I agree with. And doubt any 16 year old is really old enough.

 

But I hope when they are physically and emotionally ready, and (my preference) married, that they will have tons and tons of awesome s@x. I just always wonder about people who state negative feelings about their children ever having s@x at all.

[LibraryLover]

Oh, that I agree with. And doubt any 16 year old is really old enough.

 

But I hope when they are physically and emotionally ready, and (my preference) married, that they will have tons and tons of awesome s@x. I just always wonder about people who state negative feelings about their children ever having s@x at all.

 

For the record, no negative feelings were expressed.

 

Hoping ti spare our kids from heartache doesn't mean we have negative feelings about sex. Nor do all think marriage is a requirement for thoughtful, loving sex.

[Joanne]

Can I ask a question? Please read a curious and interested, non-confrontational sound into my 'voice.'

 

Why do you feel this way? I hear people IRL say this, and never want to ask. It seems to me that s@x is a really good, joy bringing, happy thing in most people's life. I would hate to wish a s@x free life on my kids or even the, "not until they are 30," thing I hear a lot.

 

I know it can bring suffering and sadness too, but why is consensual, pleasureable s@x so threatening for so many parents to think about when their kids are young?

 

 

I agree. Since shedding religious imposition of "morals", I've come to admit a few things that are true to me.

 

1. Biologically, teens are made to want and have sex.
2. I don't want my kids to marry young.
3. I don't believe "premarital" sex is wrong.
4. I don't believe recreational sex is automatically wrong.

 

I want my kids to make kind, responsible, and mature sexual decisions. I've talked with them often about sex, intimacy, and what constitutes responsible choices from every dimension: spiritual, consentual, health, emotional, committment, mutual, maturity.

[Scarlett]

I have strong religious feelings about this, but I do not feel I never want my son to have sex. I know he will. I just hope it is in line with the values I've tried to instill in him.

[MollyAnn]

Just to clarify the other girls were too scared to bring the condoms to their house my daughter ha a master bathroom totally separate so she figured it was safe. She loaded them up in her back pack to take them on the bus. The nurses door is right by the bus drop off and the kids pass it on their way to the gym every morning. The nurse went to my kids class started handing them out saying things like you don't have to tell me I know your doing it and I don't wanna have to give you a pregnancy test. My daughter as well as the other few that had never even kissed a boy took this offense and so would have I at that age. She never asked to be humiliated in front of a whole class of kids even boys. Neither did the other girls. I couldn't be angry that woman had no right to humiliate my kid at all.

 

We deal with stuff like that at home just cause Suzy Q is pregnant in 8th grade don't mean my kid is having sex. That really upset her for weeks all the boys made fun of all the girls saying horrible stuff all cause a nurse thought she had a right to accuse my kid of having sex. Sorry at that age I would have done worse what my daughter and her friends did I have no issues with. Schools need to quit trying to be parents. Even girls that tried to refuse were made take them they dealt with horrible teasing and were all called sluts for weeks.

And how did you deal with this?

[Trish]

Can I ask a question? Please read a curious and interested, non-confrontational sound into my 'voice.'

 

Why do you feel this way? I hear people IRL say this, and never want to ask. It seems to me that s@x is a really good, joy bringing, happy thing in most people's life. I would hate to wish a s@x free life on my kids or even the, "not until they are 30," thing I hear a lot.

 

I know it can bring suffering and sadness too, but why is consensual, pleasureable s@x so threatening for so many parents to think about when their kids are young?

It's a Catholic thang.

 

For us.

 

We still call it a sin, believe it's a sin, and act like it's a sin.

 

But, having taught that, I'm not going to blow a gasket if my kids don't agree or go along with my moral viewpoint. Everyone's got their own spiritual journey to travel, and that includes our kids. We can't make their decisions for them, nor would I want to.

[NASDAQ]

My husband once organised an event for the Arts Undergraduate Society in uni, and afterwards he was in charge of taking home all of the supplies.

 

Including a big box of condoms that were being handed out for safe sex. I mean like a filing box full of condoms. This looked like he'd decided to purchase so many condoms that he'd be having multiple partners ever day, including holidays, in order to use them all before they expired.

 

His father found them and had The Most Awkward Conversation Ever with him. :lol:

 

OP, my kids are young and I have no useful advice. But I hope it's nothing too serious and your talk (or your husband's talk if you choose to go that way) reassures you.

[NASDAQ]

Can I ask a question? Please read a curious and interested, non-confrontational sound into my 'voice.'

 

Why do you feel this way? I hear people IRL say this, and never want to ask. It seems to me that s@x is a really good, joy bringing, happy thing in most people's life. I would hate to wish a s@x free life on my kids or even the, "not until they are 30," thing I hear a lot.

 

I know it can bring suffering and sadness too, but why is consensual, pleasureable s@x so threatening for so many parents to think about when their kids are young?

 

It's an aspect of the incest taboo. We are so strongly opposed to thinking about our children as sexual that we recoil at thinking of them as sexual with someone else, even if intellectually we do want and expect our children to have sexual relationships.