NM

[JNW]

NM

[Danestress]

I guess I don't understand why you don't just say exactly that. "Please don't call me Honey (or Sweetie)." Is there is different approach you want? Because my guess is most people prefer a polite but direct request.

[mom@shiloh]

Some people have difficulty remembering names. This may be especially true for a doctor who sees multiple patients in a day and it may be also that he is focusing on your physical needs which may make it harder for him to remember names quickly. It is possible that he has offended someone in the past by using the wrong name. I'm sorry it bothers you, but those may be some of the reasons he does it. I agree with the pp --either direct and polite, or let it go.

[JNW]

I guess I don't understand why you don't just say exactly that. "Please don't call me Honey (or Sweetie)." Is there is different approach you want? Because my guess is most people prefer a polite but direct request.

 

"I don't want to come off as a witch or make him feel like I think he is a sleazeball."

 

I'm sure you're right. He would probably be fine with a polite but direct request. Thanks!

[nd293]

I'd probably say 'Please call me Jane' in a friendly tone, as though he'd referred to me as Mrs Surname, and repeat as many times as necessary.

 

 

[JNW]

Some people have difficulty remembering names. This may be especially true for a doctor who sees multiple patients in a day and it may be also that he is focusing on your physical needs which may make it harder for him to remember names quickly. It is possible that he has offended someone in the past by using the wrong name. I'm sorry it bothers you, but those may be some of the reasons he does it. I agree with the pp --either direct and polite, or let it go.

 

Yeah, you're probably right. It's probably habit like it is for a lot of doctors. I certainly didn't expect him to remember my name after being there for 5 minutes. The reason really doesn't matter to me at all. Thanks for the response!

[Laurie4b]

There are also cultural differences. For instance, in the South, it is pretty common for adults to address other adults like that. It is a sign of friendliness. So if he's from the South and you are not, that could be the reason--or perhaps you are in the South and just don't like it. In any case, I agree with the others who have just said to make a direct request. I would say "I prefer to be called Jane rather than honey or sweetie. I don't believe that you mean any harm, but it just makes me uncomfortable. "` That way, he knows exactly what you do want, what you don't want, and knows that you're not accusing him of anything.

[JNW]

nm

[Guest]

"Not to be rude, but I prefer being called by my name. I'm sure you don't even realize you keep calling me honey." That from my dh who calls everyone sweetie. Even men. Most of the time he doesn't even realize that he is doing it...it is just a thing his mom did and he has as well.

[Butter]

First of all, the title of this thread made me laugh. My youngest calls my mom Honey.

 

I think just being honest and requesting he call you by your name is best. It might take a few times, but I doubt he'd be offended by it. Make sure it's written on your chart so he can be reminded every time.

[swellmomma]

I would just be direct about it. I could not imagine calling an adult honey or sweetie that wasn't a close family member, it comes off as patronizing when there isn't that intimate relationship. I call all children whether mine or a friend of my kids, or a stronger, dear, but again won't call an adult that. I think it is quite fine to do like the pp suggested and just tell him what you prefer to be called. In the long run it will strengthen the patient/dr bond as far as professionalism and feeling comfortable there etc.

[SKL]

I would go the save-face route, i.e., "please call me ___," the first couple times. If it continued, I would be tempted to call him that kind of name back. That said, I'm not sure why it matters what a chiro calls me, as long as it isn't blatantly insulting.

[JNW]

I would go the save-face route, i.e., "please call me ___," the first couple times. If it continued, I would be tempted to call him that kind of name back. That said, I'm not sure why it matters what a chiro calls me, as long as it isn't blatantly insulting.

 

 

It matters to me, but I'm not going to go into the reason. Thanks for the input!

[Orthodox6]

"You may use my name, Mrs. ___. In fact, please do so."

 

I do have strong negative feelings about the syrupy modes of address common here in the South/Southwest. When I was in graduate school, one of my jobs was with a group of chemists. Once, when one of my co-bosses addressed me in that manner, I was self-possessed enough to walk out of his office without answering. (He got the point.)

[Guest]

I don't think it would hurt to be direct, but I think when people talk like that, it is such a habit that I would venture to guess he would have a hard time not doing it, and may not even realize if/when he did.

[redsquirrel]

I think a simple "actually, please call me suzy" (or whatever your name is) should be enough.

 

Now, his response to this will tell you quite a lot about him. If he tells you that he is terrible with names, then you can always let him know that you understand and you promise you will not be insulted if you have to remind him of your name every single time you meet. If he takes it as an attack, says something snarky, then you know you need a new chiro.

 

Really, it is not an unreasonable request. My grandfather hated being called honey and dearie etc by care providers. He would politely ask to be called either by his first or Mr lastname, and everyone was ok with it. Most of the time, people responded that it was due to having trouble remembering names. My grandfather would respond that his memory was failing so he wouldn't hold it against him if they asked his name, as long as he could do the same.

[JNW]

Thanks for all of the interesting points of view and good advice. The appointment is tomorrow at 8:30 AM, so we shall see! I'll let you know how he reacts. That is what I'm curious about too.

[JessieC]

That would bother me too. My kids' pediatricians always call me "Mom" and I don't like it. I realize they do this because otherwise they would have to make an effort to look at and remember my name, but it would be so much nicer to be called "Ms. _____". When they call me "Mom," I feel like a generic Mom figure, not an individual. I think Honey and Sweetie is worse, because it's kind of condescending. I would definitely ask him to call you your name in that situation.

[I.Dup.]

Call him sugar buns back. LOL

 

Okay this made me laugh.

[Tap]

I agree just be direct. As long as you are upbeat about it, he will be fine with your request. I would guess that he just does it out of habit and doesn't even think anything of it.

 

It will take him a bit to remember, I am a joking person, so I would call him a different kind of sweetener each time he says it.

 

Him: "Ok honey, move your arm here"

Me: Sure 'C and H pure cane sugar', like this?

 

HIm; "honey, this is going to hurt for just a second, just breath through it"

Me: "Will do, Splenda"

 

HIm "honey, I am going to ....."

Me: Ok agave

 

Me: sure "high-fructose corn syrup

Me; I'm ready fructose, sucrose, glucose,

Me: see ya next time, Nutiva

and if I was really daring.....'dark brown sugar' (my chriro is very handsome and dark complected so I don't know if I would say this one or not LOL"

 

Just make a joke out of it and you will both feel a bit less stressed about the situation.

 

 

 

If you really don't want to say anything, just ask the receptionist to put a note in your chart that you would prefer to not be called honey. The doctor may or may not see it though, so you may have to remind him.

[sassenach]

I would go the self-deprecating route. "Dr, I am so glad I found your practice, and I really do believe you are the right chiro for me, however, I'm have this one little quirk that I need to address with you. I have a really hard time when anyone uses a term of endearment, like sweetie or honey, with me. It's totally my thing and I know that you don't mean any harm, but would you mind just using my first name?"

[JNW]

I would go the self-deprecating route. "Dr, I am so glad I found your practice, and I really do believe you are the right chiro for me, however, I'm have this one little quirk that I need to address with you. I have a really hard time when anyone uses a term of endearment, like sweetie or honey, with me. It's totally my thing and I know that you don't mean any harm, but would you mind just using my first name?"

 

 

That is more my style, I'll probably try to say something like that. Thanks!

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

You could always wear a "My Name is Jane" sticker when you see him so he doesn't have to worry about forgetting. :)

[JNW]

You could always wear a "My Name is Jane" sticker when you see him so he doesn't have to worry about forgetting. :)

 

 

:)

[Moxie]

If a grown man called me Honey, I would be so shocked, I would probably burst out laughing. How odd.

[LucyStoner]

I would go the self-deprecating route. "Dr, I am so glad I found your practice, and I really do believe you are the right chiro for me, however, I'm have this one little quirk that I need to address with you. I have a really hard time when anyone uses a term of endearment, like sweetie or honey, with me. It's totally my thing and I know that you don't mean any harm, but would you mind just using my first name?"

 

There is no need to apologize to someone about not using overly intimate terms.

 

OP, it is in no way being a "witch" to not want to be adressed with inappropriate terms of endearment.

[Pegasus]

If a grown man called me Honey, I would be so shocked, I would probably burst out laughing. How odd.

 

 

It is very common around here to use "Honey" or "Sweetie" as a generic term to refer to someone (man, woman, or child). It doesn't seem strange to me as no one is using it to be condescending or familiar. I even prefer it to "ma'am".

[Orthodox6]

For me, the additional "ick" is that a man would say that. I regularly hear women address other women and children as "honey." But this is North Texas, which is very close on the map to the South. I was raised to address an older man as "Sir" and an older woman as "Ma'am", so react to that as "normal" and "respectful".

[JNW]

All just more evidence that everyone has an invisible book of what is "normal" and what is "not normal."

[Danestress]

 

 

It is very common around here to use "Honey" or "Sweetie" as a generic term to refer to someone (man, woman, or child). It doesn't seem strange to me as no one is using it to be condescending or familiar. I even prefer it to "ma'am".

 

In this part of the south I normally don't hear men call each other 'sweetie' or 'honey.' Women might speak to each other that way and a man might address a woman that way, but even here I personally think it is overly familiar and a bit patronizing in a professional setting. I don't think women should be too worried about appearing strident if they nicely ask not to be called 'sweetie' by their doctors. It lets them know how their customer base might perceive them, and most Chiropractors are concerned with customer satisfaction.

[Mrs Mungo]

It is very common around here to use "Honey" or "Sweetie" as a generic term to refer to someone (man, woman, or child). It doesn't seem strange to me as no one is using it to be condescending or familiar. I even prefer it to "ma'am".

 

It is the same where I grew up. Here in Hawaii everyone older than you is "auntie" or "uncle." Everyone your own age is sister/bro or cousin. These are just generic terms of address.

 

If someone calling me something bothered me, then I would just say, "I prefer firstname." I would expect to have to say of every time rather than him remembering.

[Moxie]

 

 

It is very common around here to use "Honey" or "Sweetie" as a generic term to refer to someone (man, woman, or child). It doesn't seem strange to me as no one is using it to be condescending or familiar. I even prefer it to "ma'am".

 

Even someone who is supposed to be a professional?? No thanks!!

[Scarlett]

 

It is very common around here to use "Honey" or "Sweetie" as a generic term to refer to someone (man, woman, or child). It doesn't seem strange to me as no one is using it to be condescending or familiar. I even prefer it to "ma'am".

 

This thread is reminding me of Sheldon telling Penny he knows she has a thing for him because (among other things) she always calls him 'sweetie'. She says, "I call everyone Sweetie." He says, 'You Tramp!"

 

Ha ha. I love that show.

 

Can't imagine being offended by being called Sweetie or Honey...so I really have nothing to offer except a few lines from BBT.

[musicianmom]

Now you're all making me miss my former chiropractor, young enough he could have been my former babysitting client or music student. He always greeted me with "hey girl."

[ElizabethB]

That reminds me of a funny story when I was a Cadet at the Air Force Academy. A guy was getting yelled at by a fairly high ranking senior female officer for calling a female cadet "Honey." He politely tried to explain, but she rudely cut him off and kept lecturing him. Eventually, the female cadet was able to pipe up during a moment of silence, "Ma'am, my given name is Honey Lastname."

 

Crickets.

 

We laughed about that for weeks. I still crack up when I think about it.

[JNW]

This thread is reminding me of Sheldon telling Penny he knows she has a thing for him because (among other things) she always calls him 'sweetie'. She says, "I call everyone Sweetie." He says, 'You Tramp!"

 

Ha ha. I love that show.

 

Can't imagine being offended by being called Sweetie or Honey...so I really have nothing to offer except a few lines from BBT.

 

Just to clarify... I am not offended by him calling me terms of endearment as I have a very good understanding that everyone has his own idea of what is "normal." If you read the rest of my posts that should be pretty apparent. I have not given a reason for why I don't want him to call me these names, and I haven't made a judgment on him for calling me that. Above all, I certainly don't think he "has a thing" for me.

[Scarlett]

 

 

Just to clarify... I am not offended by him calling me terms of endearment as I have a very good understanding that everyone has his own idea of what is "normal." If you read the rest of my posts that should be pretty apparent. I have not given a reason for why I don't want him to call me these names, and I haven't made a judgment on him for calling me that. Above all, I certainly don't think he "has a thing" for me.

 

 

Yes.....I got all of that. There was so little information in your post there wasn't much to reply to. Thus, BBT came to mind.

[Scarlett]

Now you're all making me miss my former chiropractor, young enough he could have been my former babysitting client or music student. He always greeted me with "hey girl."

 

 

It reminded me that MY chiropractor told my cousin I was trying to get pregnant. And cousin told my mom. Yeah, I was NOT happy......but I reminded him he only knew about that because he was my DOCTOR doing x-rays on me.

[JNW]

Update: Went to the chiro. He did not call me a single term of endearment the entire time. How's that for the most anticlimactic update ever! :)

[redsquirrel]

Maybe he finally remembers your name :lol:

[JNW]

Maybe he finally remembers your name :lol:

 

 

He didn't call me by my name either. He didn't call me anything. Fine with me!

[Sparkle]

Maybe he read this thread :)

[sparrow]

Dh made a call for take-out Middle Eastern food earlier this week. A month ago he had asked when they'd be getting tabbouleh. The guy remembered dh asking before and said, "Oh, hey boss, I remember you." My dh loved being called 'boss' :lol: . We live in a rural, Midwestern community. These guys are from New York, which is now obvious.

[TranquilMind]

I need to ask him not to call me "sweetie" and "honey" in a kind and tactful way. Yesterday was my first appointment and all throughout the appointment he called me this, like 5-10 times. Certainly not the end of the world. I wasn't sure how to address it without it being uncomfortable for both of us, and I wasn't sure if I would be going back to him. That's why I didn't say anything at the first appointment.

 

I thought of saying, "Please call me Jane," and not discussing it further. I don't want to come off as a witch or make him feel like I think he is a sleazeball.

 

I'm not asking if I should or shouldn't address it. That has already been determined. I am not asking if I should go to another doctor because I'm not going to, and it's too complicated to go into the reasons.

 

I realize that this would be "no big deal" to most people. I am not freaking out about it and I do not think he is sleazy. I do not think anything inappropriate is going on. I just want to be called by my name and not a "term of endearment" by this doctor. Any ideas on what to say would be appreciated!

 

 

I'd say, "Ok...darling! Hey, only my husband calls me sweetie! (jokingly). Please call me Jane".

 

I am not a fan of the abrupt. The self-deprecating seems to go over better and not offend.

 

That said...if he is old, I'd just let it go. Younger than 60, I'd address it. He should know better in this exceedingly politically-correct day and age.

[JNW]

.

[Lisa R.]

Update: Went to the chiro. He did not call me a single term of endearment the entire time. How's that for the most anticlimactic update ever! :)

 

 

 

Here's my theory on that: I think he reads this message board, realized what he'd done, and corrected himself.

 

Hi, doctor! Good job!