If you have a night owl child, do you set a bedtime for them?

[mo2]

DD11 is a total night owl. It's not her fault, her dad and I are both night owls as well. Her dad works 3rd shift, so sometimes the kids will stay up extra late on his nights off in order to spend time with him. Other nights, I think she enjoys the peace and quiet of staying up after the little ones are in bed. But, should there be a limit? Do I need to set a bedtime, or as long as she is getting her chores and lessons done, should I let her be?

[renmew]

It's the natural rhythm of your home, except for the little ones. If it is working for her, academically and socially, I would let it go.

[Arcadia]

As long as she gets enough quality sleep, I'll just let her be. My boys are night owls but they have morning lessons at 9am so I do set their bedtime. Also when my boys don't sleep well, they get sick more easily.

[elegantlion]

Ds is a night owl, I am not. At 11 his bedtime was 10pm, he had to be up by 8:30 or 9. Now that he is older his bedtime is 11:30. If I didn't have a bedtime, he'd be up all night. On weekends and days off he has no bedtime. I'm usually in bed by 10. We start school later than most as we are not morning people anyway.

[Night Elf]

My ds16 goes to bed at 1:30am and wakes up at 11:30am. We set that time because we start school by 1:00pm. He stays up all night every Friday night. I'd get bored out of my gourd.

[elfgivas]

i feel really strongly about this one, and can't quite figure out why.

 

but yes, all of our children have bedtimes. we have a bedtime. life is happier and healthier if there is a routine, and if the routine of people living in the same place somewhat match. we eat meals together too, which may make me hopelessly old fashioned.

 

no one stays up all night, because the rest of us have to live with them the next day. also because our days are so full of work/school/music/dance/exercise/chores that we couldn't stay awake if we tried.

 

but then, we mostly solved it by just not having curtains or blinds on the windows. the daylight comes in. the house comes alive. everyone is at the breakfast table nlt 7am. and then the music practice starts.... i'm not sure how anyone could survive being up super late for more than a day or two, because they sure aren't sleeping in so much ;) ...

[J-rap]

Mostly I'd say that if it seems to be the natural pattern of your household -- and your child -- and everything is getting done and she is getting enough sleep, then let it be. That's mostly how we have worked things here. However, I do have one daughter who got into the habit of staying up until 2:00 am almost every night. She only needed 6 or 7 hours/sleep, so she'd be able to get up around 8:00 or 9:00 and be just fine. However, this year she is away at a school where she needs to be up at 6:00 am. It's been really difficult for her to acclimate to the new schedule. She is prone to headaches already, and now with a mixed up sleep cycle and not enough sleep, they are even worse.

[mo2]

Okay, for those of you who don't have a bedtime, do you wake your dc up at a certain time each day?

[sewingmama]

I set a bedtime but that's mainly because it doesn't seem right to me to let a six year old stay up past midnight Kwim.

 

It doesn't help though....she just lays in bed and kicks the wall till she falls asleep at 10.30 or later. I don't wake her in the morning. I've tried it but it just means she is grumpy all day and it never gets her to sleep earlier at night either.

 

On days she has to get up early I give her melatonin the night before. She went to public preschool and I never want to repeat that nightmare of getting her to school on time lol.

[Snickerdoodle]

A 6yo is different than an 11/12 yo. By then they're almost teenagers. Some of them are already beginning the change. It's normal for their sleep cycles to get a little wonky around this time, I suspect. And having a quiet time in the evenings can be a good time to wind down, read or do a quiet activity. As long as it's not interfering with daily life, I don't see the problem.

[Donna]

My dd is a night owl. I do not set her a bedtime. On normal weekday nights she goes to bed when I do sometime between 10 and 11pm. I let her sleep in the morning until she wakes up....used to be with the sun but now she wakes sometime between 7:30 and 8:30am. Her night owl habits are helpful on weekends or when we go to music camps in the summer and she wants to play music in sessions until the wee hours.

 

She's my youngest so her habits work with our family schedule. I don't see any reason to set her a bedtime. If I did, she'd lie in bed and not be able to sleep until she was tired enough anyway.

[Amy in NH]

My teens do not have a bedtime. They used to have one, but sometimes they would lie in bed awake for hours. After a chat with the pediatrician, we changed our policy. So long as they get their work done, and get up without hassle when they actually have something that has to be done during the day, they stay up as late as they want. Sometimes they stay up all night and sleep most of the day.

[Tammi K]

We're a bunch of night owls here. Right now the youngest in our home is 12 (just turned) No one has a bed time and hasn't for as long as I can remember.

Several times a week we leave the house by 7:45 to get to the ice rink for lessons. I remind everyone the night before about the time we have to head out. They know they're expected to be in their right minds, dressed, fed, and practiced (violin), before we head out the door. They are also responsible for getting themselves to bed in time to make it happen. Generally they stay up until about midnight but if they're tired they will go to bed earlier.

Despite all the horror stories about how kids can't function on such a little amount of sleep I find ds to perform well academically and athletically. He isn't grouchy or cranky. (He may FEEL that way but, if he does, he's pretty good at keeping it to himself - smart boy!) And his health is excellent. DD would probably like to sleep later in the day and has been know to take an afternoon nap from time to time but she's a teen girl and that seems to be typical of the age and gender even among her early turn in friends. So, if there is a down side to late night owl behavior I haven't seen it make an impact in our house.

But then, I've always been a 'if you're hungry - eat, if you're cold - put on your coat, if you're tired - go to bed' kind of mom. My kids handle it well. YMMV.

[PrairieSong]

We had stricter bed times when ours were little. Our youngest is 13 and is usually in bed by 10. 17yo usually gets to bed by 11 or so, sometimes later on the weekends. The two college students are completely on their own to get to bed and get up on time to get to class or work.

[Ravin]

If your family routine allows her to sleep in, there's nothing wrong with staying up. The key is making sure she's getting enough sleep, which for a preteen is more than for an adult.

[Audrey]

We had stricter bed times when ours were little. Our youngest is 13 and is usually in bed by 10. 17yo usually gets to bed by 11 or so, sometimes later on the weekends. The two college students are completely on their own to get to bed and get up on time to get to class or work.

 

I am finding that I have to be the opposite. When ds was younger, he self-regulated a more reasonable bed time. Now that he's 13, I have to get strict about bedtime AND wake up time because I am sure that he would sleep most of the day away otherwise. It was becoming a real pain in the patootie issue, so now he has to be in bed, light outs by 11pm and has HAS to be up and dressed by 9am.

[duckens]

We are a family of night owls.

 

Dd6 would stay up past midnight and sleep in past 10am if I let her.

 

However:

1) Is the child getting done what he/she needs to get done?

 

For us, we have afternoon (afterschool) activities that we need to start getting ready for at 3:00 or 3:30 every afternoon. This cuts our schoolwork time short.

 

We have Math and Phonics programs (Saxon) that are very time- and Mom-intensive.

 

The toddler needs a certain amount of nursing as she wakes, lays down for naps, and in general throughout the day.

 

It is a struggle to complete Math and Phonics each day. My only comfort is that dd6 is learning to read and do math REALLY WELL. To get these done, the answer is to awaken dd6 earlier in the morning, and that is tough with a late bedtime.

 

If dd6 is tired, I let her go lay down and take a break. She doesn't do this often, but when she does, it eats our school time.

 

2) Is the child cranky?

 

The rest of the world (myself included) should not have to deal with other people's crankiness.

 

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For these reasons, we aim for 9:30 bedtime. Sometimes we read earlier, and 9:30 is lights out. Often, we go to bed at 9:30, and after reading and teeth and a last bathroom break, lights go out at quarter to 11. Last night, I fell asleep, and Loverboy let dd6 get up for an extra 45 minutes. We often let dd6 read in her bed.

 

Bedtime is just not something that Loverboy and I do well in our house.

 

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Now that dd6 can tell time, I plan to show her the chart of recommended sleep for a 6yo and let her count backwards from when she needs to get up. Maybe that will help.

 

Likewise, by the time she is 10yo, I could see letting her manage her sleep more independently. If she wants to stay up late, as long as she can get out of bed for things she needs to, I wouldn't worry. Plus, as a 10yo, she would be entering the age of working independently on some subjects. If she would rather study in the evening (when Dad is home) rather than during the day, that would be a choice with consequences for her.

[Greenmama2]

Yes & no. Mine are still little, 6 & 3. The three year old still needs me to go to sleep & he ISN'T a night owl. My night owl child will go to bed (same room) when the younger one does but she won't sleep. I don't tell her to go to bed but she doesn't like to be up alone while I'm putting him to bed so she brings herself (DH is usually working). I aim to have little in bed by a certain time so by default she has a bedtime too. She's usually asleep by about an hour later than him, but will sometimes read much later. As long as she doesn't need to be up early I don't see a problem.

[Excelsior! Academy]

We have fairly set bedtimes. They do vary slightly depending on the day's activities. Most days the youngest children are in bed between 8-9. One day a week we don't arrive home from an evening activity until 8:30, so bedtime is later that night.

 

Dh is able to come home for lunch and is pretty regular about coming home for dinner at a certain time. We set our schedule to his. If not the children wouldn't get to spend as much time with him.