moms of twins, please tell me we're going to make it through this.

[chickenpatty]

My babes are almost 8 weeks old now and life is still SO HARD. Every week has brought a new challenge and now I am battling a sinus infection too. I am tired of being in survival mode. Please tell me that things do get better. I feel like a zombie. :(

[jenn-]

It does get better. You will survive this. Sleep when they sleep, your olders can take care of each other while you get some rest. If you have family nearby, go take a nap... at their place while they are taking care of the other kids. Life will get better as soon as they start sleeping through the night so hopefully they do that soon.

[Um_2_4]

It will get better, but you may not believe me now. (I didn't when other twin moms told me that.) You are in survival mode now. Do what NEEDS to be done only. Get what help you can afford (mother's helper, grocery delivery, etc). But it may not get better till 6mos plus.

With my singletons, things were in a groove by 12-16 weeks. Not so with twins.

 

ETA: I just looked at the ages of your kids, oh yes they would be helping a LOT. Mine were 5 and 3 when I had the twins and not much help. Not many can really understand (except those who have been there) that twins are not double the work, they are 3x or 4x the work, so no matter how many kids you have had, you still need to recruit help.

[twinmami01]

It des get better. You have already received great advice. ((((HUGS)))))))

[Juniper]

Can you and your dh take shifts at night? i say this so often to moms of mulitples and they always look at me as if I have two heads. Really, you have to know that your dh can handle them for a couple hours, but one of you stays up late and the other passes the baton in the wee hours of the morning to he early riser. Please know that I do not say this with an ounce of bragging, but doing it this way saved so much angst and made life during this phase much more enjoyable.

 

I got to sleep SLEEP from 12:30 am to 7:30ish am every night because dh manned the boys from 3:00ish am on. Last feeding from me at 12:15, change and a couple hours sleep, before daddy took over with pumped breast milk. He would just camp with them in car seats in the living room dozing on the couch until he had to get ready for work.

 

 

Now, at almost 11 I am find I am asking the same question....."Please, tell me this gets easier!!!!!" ;)

[Remudamom]

You can do it. I had newborn triplets, an 18 month old and a six yr old. Sleep, eat off paper plates and just survive for a while.

 

I used to put us all in one baby safe room and go to sleep on the floor in front of the door.

[Seasider]

Agreeing with Juniper about overlapping schedules with your dh. At 8 weeks, I did the last feeding at 1130-12, and he would start the day with the 5-530 feeding. Do your best to get the babies on a synched sleeping schedule and get in your minimum of 6 hours of hopefully uninterrupted sleep. Good sleep is a true tonic!

 

Unfortunately, I also agree with kinsa - it will be a while before you feel like the hardest part is over. I think somewhere between four and six months, things will get easier (haha, til they start walking - in different directions!).

 

Best thing you can do is shout out for help. There are likely lots of ladies waiting in the wings who would be delighted to come help in any way you need. Hire someone a couple afternoons a week if you must. Hire someone to clean the house. Keep everything else in your life - meals, activities, holidays - as simple as possible for the first year.

 

You WILL survive! Mine get their driver's licenses next week ;D

[Juniper]

You can do it. I had newborn triplets, an 18 month old and a six yr old. Sleep, eat off paper plates and just survive for a while.

 

I used to put us all in one baby safe room and go to sleep on the floor in front of the door.

 

 

The night we brought them home from the NICU dh and I both got serious, vomiting food poisoning. I had a 12 month old and premie twins. We called so many people to come help, and they must not have understood how serious it was because no one came. I baracaded dd1 in with couch cushions, got dh and I each vomit bowls and am still a little fuzzy on how we made it through....but we did make it through. I do sometimes wonder if I mixed them up in those first, very hazy, 48 hrs. ;)

[cathmom]

Get as much help as you possibly can! Go into debt to pay for it if necessary! No, I am not kidding!!

 

I think taking care of my twins mainly by myself took years off my life. GET HELP!

 

It will be a long time probably before you can contemplate anything but survival mode, unfortunately.

 

Hugs!

[Danestress]

My babes are almost 8 weeks old now and life is still SO HARD. Every week has brought a new challenge and now I am battling a sinus infection too. I am tired of being in survival mode. Please tell me that things do get better. I feel like a zombie. :(

 

 

Absolutely this will get better. I often say that every day has been a good day since my twins were born. At at 15 years old, I can honestly say that they have neither one give me any real trouble at all. They are GOOD boys and I would say exceedingly easy children to have raised.

 

But the truth is, I cried a lot the first couple of months. I even called a day care to see if they had room for two babies, because I thought I was absolutely not going to be able to handle it - I was exhausted beyond anything I had ever imagined. Obviously I ended up not sending them to day care, lol, but it does go to show how fatigued and just as the end of my rope I was.

 

It will get better. You will get to sleep again.

[HRAAB]

You will survive. Your memory might be rather hazy, and you might feel as though you were sleeping on your feet most days. But... it gets better, little by little. It takes time though. They are so little right now. Is there anyone you can ask for help? Just to give you some nap time or cleaning the house. It's not forever.

 

One time I was sitting on the floor folding clothes, and the next thing I knew I woke up it the middle of the clean clothes. I had no memory of laying down. I just dropped off in the warm clothes. The twins were asleep (unbelievably at the same time) in their seats, my older girls were doing school work and there I was, sound asleep. Everything was okay, but it was a strong reminder that I needed all the help I could get.

 

Twins are so much fun once you get past the sleepless nights. Mine are 12 now, and I so enjoy them. Hang in there and don't be afraid to ask for help when you can.

[Melinda in VT]

Can I share my dirty little secret? My twins both wanted to nurse around the clock, but they refused to nurse if the other baby was nursing. Little stinkers. Somewhere around six weeks, I gave myself permission to give each of them one bottle a day of formula, as close to guilt-free as I could get. During the witching hours, when I was trying to get dinner for my 4 year old and DH wasn't back from work or school yet, those bottles saved my sanity. Some days, I didn't need them and didn't use them. On really horrible, awful days they got two bottles each.

 

They are now healthy and happy 13-year-olds.

 

Do what you have to do to survive, and realize that this will pass, and the day will come that you will miss those tiny babies. I would love to have mine back for an hour or so at a time (as long as it's not at night!).

[LaxMom]

You will survive. Your memory might be rather hazy, and you might feel as though you were sleeping on your feet most days. But... it gets better, little by little. It takes time though. They are so little right now. Is there anyone you can ask for help? Just to give you some nap time or cleaning the house. It's not forever.

 

One time I was sitting on the floor folding clothes, and the next thing I knew I woke up it the middle of the clean clothes. I had no memory of laying down. I just dropped off in the warm clothes. The twins were asleep (unbelievably at the same time) in their seats, my older girls were doing school work and there I was, sound asleep. Everything was okay, but it was a strong reminder that I needed all the help I could get.

 

Twins are so much fun once you get past the sleepless nights. Mine are 12 now, and I so enjoy them. Hang in there and don't be afraid to ask for help when you can.

Mine are 8 1/2. I remember well how hard the first couple years were. My advice to even seasoned moms expecting twins: you need help. Take it when it's offered, ask for it when it's not. It is a whole different universe than parenting one at a time.

 

I think my boss summed it up best when he called to check in during my year-long leave of absence (and I didn't go back to work until they were 6). He said "I think you've come to a piece in your life where the math is no longer linear." So true. Not doubled, exponential.

 

But it will pass.

 

Get some sleep.

[Unicorn.]

Somewhere between 4 and 6 months, I finally started getting a bit of sleep. I only nursed for the first month, as one dd had horrible reflux, and I needed to keep track of how much she was actually eating. . I could only feed one at a time, because we had to be able to react (get her upright) so quickly.

 

My schedule for those first months was literally 24 hours/round the clock.. change, feed, burp, 15 minutes to run to the bathroom, get a drink or whatever, baby 2 woke up, changed, fed, burped, ..... time for 1st one again, 15 minutes, time for baby #2, etc, etc.

Ds was 2, dh worked from about 6:30 am to anywhere from 9-midnight, depending on the day. My mother had just been diagnosed w/ cancer and was going through treatment, my sister had just been in a car accident and had an arm in a cast. It was just me, and dh when he could- which wasn't often.

 

I love Remudamom's suggestion of baby proofing a room, and falling asleep in front of the door. Wish I had thought of that!

You have older kids who can help- use them and don't feel guilty about it!

[madlibs]

You will survive this. With my twins things got much better between 4 - 6 months. Just be prepared that it got worse again from about 12 - 21 months when they started walking and getting into everything. Now they are 2 and are truly a delight. Lots of fun and actually very well behaved.

The best advice I have for you is to take it easy on yourself. The house will not be as clean as you want it, dinners may not be as nutritious as they once were, but it will be OK. Get your older kids to help you as much as possible. They should be able to handle laundry, dishes, basic cleaning. You need to take time to rest and snuggle your babies.

 

Robin

[TheBugs]

It does get better! My babies are six now and the best of friends. The first year was crazy. At 8 weeks I slept on the floor by the door like PP. And then later we had an empty room with a queen size mattress on the floor where the twins and I would sleep. In a few months I got into a good schedule of being able to take naps with the babies and life got so much easier. The first months are hazy.

[jenn-]

Oh, another thought that worked for us. I pumped exclusively so bottles were the only option. At the beginning DH slept with one twin in our room and was responsible for his waking and I slept with the other one in the nursery and was responsible for his needs. DH's baby started sleeping through the night around 7 weeks and mine around 12 weeks at which point we could put them back together. Now before anyone gets jealous that they slept through the night that young, their younger sibling didn't until he was 11 months old (a big change for me since DD also slept through early).

[Tammyla]

Oh, I wish I could bring over a meal and give you a little break. :grouphug: I've joyfully helped out moms with twins and happily volunteer now. If someone offers, say yes and give them a date and time or better yet have them over asap.

 

 

Volunteers appreciate a list to make it easy and not bug the new momma. It's nice to look at a list and think, I can clean bathroom or do a load of laundry. (Have one of your older kids make the list and include everything.)

 

I hope you find help and send virtual hugs and chocolate or something stronger like a vente latte.

[JFSinIL]

You have a few older kids. Let them - no, MAKE them help! It counts as a life skill for them to learn to change diapers, burp, comfort a crying baby, etc. Also doing laundry, making dinner, helping a younger sibling with schoolwork - Mom still needs rest. You can't do it all.

 

My twins are 21 now. It gets easier. But then they were my first, so after the first three weeks I was on my own during the day. I didn't have to take care of anyone else. I nursed them together with that big half-circle nursing pillow, rested while they slept on me after nursing (I could not get them off w/o waking them - so I'd be prepared with books, t.v. remote, etc. for a two hour "rest" on the couch while buried in sleeping babies.)

[chickenpatty]

Thanks, all. I appreciate the non-sugar coating, too.

 

Whew... I gotta just keep swimming...

[Annie]

The thought of having twins scares the heck out of me. I wish I could come clean your bathroom and do your laundry. Remember that people like to bless other people. If you knew someone who just had twins and they called saying they really needed some help for a couple of hours, my guess is that you would feel happy that they thought to call you. Hugs.

[Critterfixer]

It gets better, but boy do I remember those days!

I had help with both grandparents there, and did I ever need it. I had complications from the C-section-couldn't even walk in an upright position for a month, couldn't lift, etc. I don't know what I would have done without help. Cried a lot more than I did, I'm sure. I had horrible mastitis the entire time I nursed, and there were days that I felt I was sleepwalking I was so tired, and that was with help for the first month, and a very helpful, supportive DH who would take colicky babies on car rides at one am just so I could sleep for an hour. Things got much better around 8 months, because we sort of had a rhythm by then.

Sleep whenever you can. Don't cook beyond the basics. Don't clean beyond the bare essentials. And only after your nap.

[claluck]

I felt like I hit a breaking point at around 12 weeks with my guys. It was this point where I finally was like "whatever i cannot do this, I am insane to think I can" I think I sorta gave up at that point and somehow it helped. I just accepted that life would be chaos for a long while. And somewhere in the following days I think each day after that got just a smidget better. And by the time they were around 6-9 months we had a routine. We were still crazy and sleep deprived but we sorta functioned. i am certain my house was a disaster. I remember one episode in my head so well. They were about 6 weeks old and my other two were 3 and 4. I got mastitis and I was so miserable. I finally called my dhs grandma to come over in help. I just sobbed to her on the phone begging for help. She came over with her little knitting bag. She opened the door and what did she see. Me on the couch bawling my eyes out. The twins were laying on my lap screaming their heads off and my older two were rolling around on the floor fighting (I think the 3 year old was actually biting the 4 year old) and screaming. Her mouth dropped open and the kitting bag dropped right to the floor. She pulled the big boys apart and dragged them to seperate rooms. Then grabbed one of the babies. When things were a bit calmer she took the other baby and I got to go take a hot bath. It was just a horrible mommy moment really. I felt so defeated.

 

I think the best advice I ever got for having twins was take lots of pictures. Because you will seriously block out the whole first year. And they were so right. I barely remember much other than a few snippets.

 

FWIW my twins are 6 now and a JOY. They are so fun. After your breakdown moment as little infants it gets better every day I think. By the time they are 3 its great. The first year is pure hell though imo.

 

Christina

[justamouse]

You can do it. I had newborn triplets, an 18 month old and a six yr old. Sleep, eat off paper plates and just survive for a while.

 

I used to put us all in one baby safe room and go to sleep on the floor in front of the door.

 

:iagree:

 

So true.

 

You are not allowed to have magazines in the house that might present pictures of household perfection, either. Not for 10 years. And no Pinterest.

[justamouse]

 

I think the best advice I ever got for having twins was take lots of pictures. Because you will seriously block out the whole first year. And they were so right. I barely remember much other than a few snippets.

 

 

Christina

 

 

 

Actually, I don't remember much of the twins, or the one that was born the next year, and it's very comforting to know that that is not unusual.

[sbgrace]

It will get better. I really felt we were in survival mode in those days. At around that age I really felt I was so sleep deprived that I was a danger...I left a baby in the bath in fact. I came back to the bedroom with his clothes and was entirely confused about where he was. I was just so exhausted. Other than a few isolated incidences like that I really don't remember much about our babyhood. I think it started getting better around 4 months and was much, much better by 6 months. It will improve.

[ktgrok]

Growing up my Grandma always seemed a bit harsh to some people, and my mom and her didn't always agree, etc etc. And maybe she wasn't perfect...I know she wasn't. But...she had a set of twin boys, a year later another boy, and a year later another set of twin boys. So you know what? She's a miracle worker as far as I'm concerned. They all lived to tell the tale, and if she ended up a bit off later, well, that's to be expected, lol.

[Um_2_4]

And don't feel bad if, like me, DH can't help. I can imagine it would be wonderful and every "twin's forum" I found at the time suggested it as the answer. But for us it didn't work.

DH left at 5:30am and got home around 8-10pm. He needed to eat/sleep. At least I could take a nap. He needed to commute.

But with all the pp hormones, I started to think that dh should get up 1/2 the night even if that meant he would be driving groogy. Logically I knew that could be disasterous, but emotionally I was burnt out. So don't let that add to your pp roller coaster ride. Do what works for your family.

[delaney]

My mother had twins back in 1965 and no family around to help her. No car. No money for diapers so they used cloth and no washer in the house so she had to walk to a laundromat. Lived in a small single trailer near an airforce base. Best of all she didn't know she was having twins until at 7 months she went into labor, delivered the first, and they said, "we have an arm here". Do you feel better now lol? But really it is hard to do after you are used to singles. She said she never knew it was hard until she had me and I was only one baby. You will make. Let schedules be your friend! Can you rotate kids with duties??

[TeachingTwins]

You've already got lots of good advice, but I'll chime in and agree that it does get better. The "zombie" days will soon become a distant and foggy memory. Mine are almost nine, and now when I look at their baby pictures I can't believe how quickly the time has passed.

[Rebecca]

Hugs!

 

I saw a lot of people wrote what I was going to say... it gets better by 6 months. ;) I know that seems like eternity from 8 weeks old.

 

I also have a large family and it was just hard. I relied on a lot of people offering help in the first several months. The first three months in particular- were really tough. I despised tandem nursing and only did when it was absolutely necessary. So- I spent a lot of time nursing those first six months!

 

The sleep deprivation in the first two months was beyond anything I could ever imagine.

 

Hang in there- and try to enjoy them and your other children- in spite of the undone things. This really helped me. I took pictures of them every month on their birthdays in special outfits- and focused tight on them in (ignoring the dishes, dust, and dirt in the background!)

 

-Rebecca

[Lolly]

Better is coming soon. I don't even remember the first 3 months. (That is a literally, but take into account that I had a not quite 2 yo also, and no help at all.) I've always said the first 3 months were worse than anything I could imagine. The next three were just h3ll which was an incredible step up. Then, they were very mobile. And, much to my surprise things were better. All of a sudden it was easy. Almost enjoyable. From 6 mths on, twins were so much easier than my singles. Toddler time-precious and wonderful. Elementary? joyful. And, it has continued with a blip here and there because, they are kids afterall...

[cathmom]

But really it is hard to do after you are used to singles. She said she never knew it was hard until she had me and I was only one baby.

 

 

I agree! I made things so much harder than they needed to be because I wanted to take care of them the way I took care of my singletons, which is not possible. I felt a lot of guilt about that and had trouble shifting to better ways for twins.

[claluck]

My dh couldnt take night shifts either but we did arrange to have me go to bed a little early at say 8 and he would take them til 11 then I got the rest of the night. He often would get them early in the am like at 5 am and let me sleep an extra hour here or there. Not perfect but he tried. My husband became a much more involved father when we had twins. Much more so than he was with the singletons. And hey it has continued.

 

Twins was harder than singletons emotionally because I felt like I spent so much time in factory mode as I called it. Feed babies, burp babies, change diapers, put babies down to nap, pay attention to older siblings, feed babies, burp babies, change diapers, put babies down to nap repeat repeat repeat. With one I could sit and snuggle the baby while I fed them, it just seemed all work and no play the first couple months with twins. There were definitely a few payoff moments when it seemed all worth it but really alot of times I felt like I was working my tush off with nothing in return.

 

Christina

[chickenpatty]

I really appreciate you guys sharing your stories. It comforts me to see that it truly is hard. I thought maybe I was being a little wimpy.

 

My dh helps when he can, but unfortunately can't help a whole lot right now because of work. My other kids help tremendously, but I can tell that even they are a bit weary of survival mode.

[Melissa in Australia]

My mother had twin boys when I was 11.I was the oldest and they were number 7 & 8. the next one up in age was just 13 months. My mother was also fostering my stepbrother's half siblings (troubled teens).

My mother used cloth nappies (dippers). I remember that the most important focus of each day was getting the washing out on the line early enough to get all the nappies dry. It was my job to hang several loads of laundry before I went to school. as soon as I came home from school I brought it all in, anything damp went on clothes airers and the rest got folded my my younger siblings. Next I spent lots of time burping babies after they were fed. My mother thought that us older ones were more than capable to do this job, and it freed her up to feed the next one. MY dad worked long hours and as my mother exclusively breastfed he didn't help with the actual feeding, but after he came home from work he use to pile the younger babies intot he car and drive around for an hour or so. they always fell asleep in the car and it gave mum a break.

all my family were early walkers. and the twins were no exceptions. they were both walking by 7 months.