Impish Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 MIL's apartment building burned last night. she's ok, nobody was hurt. No clue wtf we're going to do. We don't have the $ to go get her, nor to supply her w/a plane ticket. http://bc.ctvnews.ca/dozens-homeless-after-maple-ridge-fire-1.1079297 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 How horrible. Does the Red Cross help with things like this in Canada? I know they do in the states. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 We have no details, other than she's at a hotel. she didn't call us, a friend at her church did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Does she have home insurance? Mine covers hotel and might cover transport to family member's home in lieu of hotel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 That is horrible. I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 Wolf's getting really angry. We've been trying to get through to her room, and she's on the phone. Long distance. She placed the call. BUT SHE HASN'T CALLED HER SON. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Wolf's getting really angry. We've been trying to get through to her room, and she's on the phone. Long distance. She placed the call. BUT SHE HASN'T CALLED HER SON. Good. Since she's rather wretched, let whomever else she is talking to deal with her. Celebrate it with Wolf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 MIL's apartment building burned last night. she's ok, nobody was hurt. No clue wtf we're going to do. We don't have the $ to go get her, nor to supply her w/a plane ticket. http://bc.ctvnews.ca...-fire-1.1079297 Is it bad when the first thought in my head was wow that woman will stop at nothing to make you let her move in. Second thought was yikes, that is horrible. We had friends that lost everything in a house fire 4 years ago. Red cross helped them out until their insurance claim went through to cover the cost of finding a new place to live and getting new stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 That she didn't call him is hurtful to him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjzimmer1 Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Is it bad when the first thought in my head was wow that woman will stop at nothing to make you let her move in. I hate to say it but that was my first thought too. As long as you know she is okay physically, I would stand back and let the local groups handle getting her resettled. From what you've described if you try to get her and fly her to you, you will probably be stuck with her forever. Better to let her get through this without you close by so that you can continue to maintain distance. I know that probably sounds heartless but going though trying to help my own grandmother resettle (into assisted living) and her complete selfishness and vicousness towards everyone else has made me less than sympathatic towards the elderly who go out of there way to deliberate hurt family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PentecostalMom Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 That she didn't call him is hurtful to him. Of course it does. Regardless of their history. No advice, just sympathy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 So, upshot of it is, she was too busy talking to her church friends to call him. No insurance. No clue wth happens after sunday, which is how long the community group has set them up w/a hotel. Haven't heard that the Red Cross is getting involved, so that may happen yet, I don't know. I know the *right* thing to do is have her come stay w/us until her apartment is repaired. I know this. And I shudder at the thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Is it bad when the first thought in my head was wow that woman will stop at nothing to make you let her move in. My first thought was "imagine the drama potential now that she has something real to complain about." :leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 So, upshot of it is, she was too busy talking to her church friends to call him. No insurance. No clue wth happens after sunday, which is how long the community group has set them up w/a hotel. Haven't heard that the Red Cross is getting involved, so that may happen yet, I don't know. I know the *right* thing to do is have her come stay w/us until her apartment is repaired. I know this. And I shudder at the thought. No. Please no. Get her into some sort of elderly housing. Once she is in your home she will never leave. You are disabled and pregnant, and she's freakin' crazy. Good boundaries at this time with someone who has exhibited dementia could get her settled in a better situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 I know the *right* thing to do is have her come stay w/us until her apartment is repaired. I know this. And I shudder at the thought. I'm going with NOPE. The right thing is to do is the one which keeps your family sane and protects your kids. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 My first thought was "imagine the drama potential now that she has something real to complain about." :leaving: I know. Believe me. No. Please no. Get her into some sort of elderly housing. Once she is in your home she will never leave. You are disabled and pregnant, and she's freakin' crazy. Good boundaries at this time with someone who has exhibited dementia could get her settled in a better situation. I know you're right. I don't see Wolf being able to refuse his elderly, now homeless, mother. and he wouldn't be the man I love if he did. I'm going with NOPE. The right thing is to do is the one which keeps your family sane and protects your kids. :grouphug: I don't know what's going to happen. She may refuse to travel. Just don't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laf919 Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 I agree with the others - you have kept distance between your family and this woman for a reason. Don't forget that reason, and do what you need to do for yourself, your husband, and your kids. Remember what you have told others about being okay with the person you see in the mirror? Remember that - it is good advice from a wise woman! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 Problem is, if we didn't offer for her to come here, I don't know if either of us *could* look at ourselves in the mirror. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 JUST SAY NO. You can not let her move in with you. NO. NO. NO.* *And I don't care how great a guy Wolf is. He needs to put your needs before his mom's. Period. When has that woman EVER put anyone else's needs above her own??? DON'T GET SUCKED IN!!! If you let her move in, she will never, ever leave. But you will, because you and Wolf will end up divorced. Guaranteed. PS. I posted this in BOLD because I thought you might pay more attention to it if I posted it in your native font. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Could you look at yourself in the mirror if you put your kids through living with her? They are more powerless than you.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Does she have dementia? Is there a chance the fire is a result of that? If so, then she CAN'T move in with you. It would be dangerous. You can't watch her 24/7. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 This is one of those times when what seems to be the obvious right thing to do really isn't. Don't subject your children to this woman. They don't have a choice in the matter and that isn't fair. Wolf cannot put the needs of his mother above the needs of his spouse and children. I don't think you married that man. If you did, I don't think it would make you proud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm glad your MIL is physically okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 :grouphug: Don't rush, something other than your house might come about. I'm really sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 I would wait until you really know the story of how long she will be put up by the charity, what Red Cross might do (vouchers for housing etc.) and when she might get back into her apartment (if there is water damage etc.) I actually saw a nearby apartment building burning last week. The whole building was evacuted but once they were able to go back and look in the daylight it only ended up being 10 units that had to be vacated and only 4 of those for a long period of time. The others had water damage but were able to be cleaned and lived in pretty quickly. It might be something like that for your MIL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 JUST SAY NO. You can not let her move in with you. NO. NO. NO.* *And I don't care how great a guy Wolf is. He needs to put your needs before his mom's. Period. When has that woman EVER put anyone else's needs above her own??? DON'T GET SUCKED IN!!! If you let her move in, she will never, ever leave. But you will, because you and Wolf will end up divorced. Guaranteed. PS. I posted this in BOLD because I thought you might pay more attention to it if I posted it in your native font. ;) LOL @ native font! It's not about HER being the person she is, it's about US being the ppl we believe ourselves to be. To turn our backs on his elderly, homeless mother at Christmas? I don't think either of us could live w/ourselves. If I told him NO, he'd respect that. But I haven't. We're talking about what exactly 'for the holidays' means, and how to ensure she leaves again. And yes, he's aware that I would rather pack up the kids and leave him than to ever live w/his mother...and that pregnancy hormones will likely have me crankier than normal, and more apt to offend her. Does she have dementia? Is there a chance the fire is a result of that? If so, then she CAN'T move in with you. It would be dangerous. You can't watch her 24/7. That was the first thing I thought of, that she caused the fire...but it started on the other end of the building, so absolutely nothing to do w/her. We don't know if she actually has dementia, or if it's another attention seeking ploy on her part, we truly do not know. I would wait until you really know the story of how long she will be put up by the charity, what Red Cross might do (vouchers for housing etc.) and when she might get back into her apartment (if there is water damage etc.) I actually saw a nearby apartment building burning last week. The whole building was evacuted but once they were able to go back and look in the daylight it only ended up being 10 units that had to be vacated and only 4 of those for a long period of time. The others had water damage but were able to be cleaned and lived in pretty quickly. It might be something like that for your MIL. All of these questions we are asking. We know that there's supposed to be water damage, but not huge amts of actual fire damage, and that the apts will be livable again, but not before the holidays. Hers is a lower, if not first floor apt (I've never been there) so it sustained a lot of water damage, from what I understand. Chances are, she'll refuse to come. She'll be getting loads of attention right now from her church friends, etc, that she won't get here, and she's all about attention. I doubt that she'll willingly give that up. But, we're putting plans in place, in case she does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 LOL @ native font! It's not about HER being the person she is, it's about US being the ppl we believe ourselves to be. To turn our backs on his elderly, homeless mother at Christmas? I don't think either of us could live w/ourselves. But if you make it about you, then you're being narcissistic, just like your MIL, and I don't think anyone wants that. ;) Seriously, send your good characters and sense of moral obligations on vacation, and do what you really want to do, which is to find a way to NOT let her come and stay with you. I hope you're right that she will want to stay where she is, so she will get more attention, but if she wants to come and stay with you, please remember that all of the plans you think you have, will fly right out the window when she gets to your house and refuses to leave. Will Wolf really be able to turn her out of your house when she's driving you insane... but she's standing there crying and telling him that she's only trying to help? If you guys are having trouble with the thought of saying no to her right now, when she's far away, it's not going to get any easier when she's driving you crazy and Wolf is stuck in the middle. You know your MIL will do anything to drive a wedge between you and Wolf. Don't give her the chance to do it. Also, all that stress won't be good for your health, or for the baby, or for your other kids. Think of the big picture here, and forget about doing the noble "right" thing... because I honestly don't think the "right" thing is what you think it is. Sorry to be so pushy -- you know I mean it as a friend, right? :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 It's not the right thing for her to move in with you if it will do more harm to your family than it does good for her. I hope you can find some other way to support her or that her church friends step up and find a way to help her. Good grief. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 It's not the right thing for her to move in with you if it will do more harm to your family than it does good for her. I hope you can find some other way to support her or that her church friends step up and find a way to help her. Good grief. How come you were able to say that in a few short sentences and it took me about 9 paragraphs? ;) Maybe my New Year's resolution should be to try to be more concise. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 It's premature to panic when you don't have all the facts. It may be better for MIL to stay around her church friends if she is fed, sheltered and happy. You can show support and sympathy in other ways. For example, a gift card to Target to replace damaged items could be a very nice way for a son and DIL to show their support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 But if you make it about you, then you're being narcissistic, just like your MIL, and I don't think anyone wants that. ;) Seriously, send your good characters and sense of moral obligations on vacation, and do what you really want to do, which is to find a way to NOT let her come and stay with you. I hope you're right that she will want to stay where she is, so she will get more attention, but if she wants to come and stay with you, please remember that all of the plans you think you have, will fly right out the window when she gets to your house and refuses to leave. Will Wolf really be able to turn her out of your house when she's driving you insane... but she's standing there crying and telling him that she's only trying to help? If you guys are having trouble with the thought of saying no to her right now, when she's far away, it's not going to get any easier when she's driving you crazy and Wolf is stuck in the middle. You know your MIL will do anything to drive a wedge between you and Wolf. Don't give her the chance to do it. Also, all that stress won't be good for your health, or for the baby, or for your other kids. Think of the big picture here, and forget about doing the noble "right" thing... because I honestly don't think the "right" thing is what you think it is. Sorry to be so pushy -- you know I mean it as a friend, right? :grouphug: I know, Cat :grouphug: All of these things have been rolling through my head, you're not saying anything that I haven't already thought. It's not the right thing for her to move in with you if it will do more harm to your family than it does good for her. I hope you can find some other way to support her or that her church friends step up and find a way to help her. Good grief. Hopefully, the Red Cross gets involved, b/c at this point, they only have hotel rooms til Sun. No clue what's to happen after that. Honestly, I think she'll prefer the buckets of attention there. She'll get more mileage out of claiming her son didn't rush to her side to come get her, is leaving her in a hotel for the holidays, than actually coming here. I'll be shocked if she does choose to come here, b/c it'll see her attention drop way down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 It's premature to panic when you don't have all the facts. It may be better for MIL to stay around her church friends if she is fed, sheltered and happy. You can show support and sympathy in other ways. For example, a gift card to Target to replace damaged items could be a very nice way for a son and DIL to show their support. We don't have the $, Jean. Literally, the only thing we can do for her is offer her a place to stay for the holidays. We can't afford to financially give to her at all. Social services took her shopping yesterday for clothes, etc. Hopefully, there'll be news of Red Cross or similar getting involved, or she has something lined up for after Sunday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 How come you were able to say that in a few short sentences and it took me about 9 paragraphs? ;) Maybe my New Year's resolution should be to try to be more concise. :tongue_smilie: Hehe. Sometimes I have the same experience where I carry on for pages and then see something that sums it up in a few sentences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 I'd wait for her to contact you guys, she may have local help and options. It's seems pretty strange that you have to contact her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 We don't have the $, Jean. Literally, the only thing we can do for her is offer her a place to stay for the holidays. We can't afford to financially give to her at all. Social services took her shopping yesterday for clothes, etc. Hopefully, there'll be news of Red Cross or similar getting involved, or she has something lined up for after Sunday. I know you don't have the money but you don't have the money to bring her to where you are either or to provide for her food and other needs while there. If you're going to spend money you don't have, it would be better to spend it for her to stay where she is. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 We wouldn't be bringing her, that would be up to her. We've been talking, and one thing that concern me is that by her being here, she'd be considered no longer in crisis, and may not be able to access the same community support, in terms of finding housing, etc, as if she stayed put. Bringing her here, even for the holidays, may be shooting her in the foot. We're still talking things through, trying to figure out what the genuinely best thing is to do. It may be a chance to get her into assisted living, but that has to come from her...we can't do diddly about that. We can encourage, but that's about where it ends, we can't make enquiries, etc on her behalf b/c she's not been deemed incompetant. I think, solely for reasons of her securing housing and assistance that we cannot afford to provide for her, she's best staying where she's at, but we'll see how it all shakes out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 I'd wait for her to contact you guys, she may have local help and options. It's seems pretty strange that you have to contact her. Honestly, that's MIL. She's very much attention seeking, and getting it from her son just doesn't give her as big a thrill as getting it from loads of other ppl. Wolf's not been into playing her games for yrs now, and she's found him unsatisfactory in that. i've no doubt that she'll be getting loads of attention, being the poor, elderly, neglected mother who's son hasn't rushed to her side in this time of crisis. And loads more if she stays put, all alone, through the holidays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Well then, this is perfect. You want to be good people and do the right thing. And basically, you'll be doing her a favor if you don't take her in, because then she'll be able to tell everyone how awful you are, and she'll get tons of hugs and attention and sympathy from everyone she knows. She craves and needs that kind of attention. So, logically speaking, if you take her in, you're being mean and selfish by putting your own need to be the good guys ahead of your MIL's need to be a complete and total narcissist. You would have to be truly rotten people to even think of robbing your poor, old, helpless MIL of the attention and love she needs... from other people. The pieces are all finally starting to fit together. I knew we could figure this out. :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southcarolinamom Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 I'd tell her something like ..."It sounds like you have everything under control. You are in great hands with your church friends' support, and we're thankful you will be able to move back home sometime after the holidays. We love you...." and let it go at that. I'm so, so sorry that this happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 We wouldn't be bringing her, that would be up to her. We've been talking, and one thing that concern me is that by her being here, she'd be considered no longer in crisis, and may not be able to access the same community support, in terms of finding housing, etc, as if she stayed put. Bringing her here, even for the holidays, may be shooting her in the foot. We're still talking things through, trying to figure out what the genuinely best thing is to do. It may be a chance to get her into assisted living, but that has to come from her...we can't do diddly about that. We can encourage, but that's about where it ends, we can't make enquiries, etc on her behalf b/c she's not been deemed incompetant. I think, solely for reasons of her securing housing and assistance that we cannot afford to provide for her, she's best staying where she's at, but we'll see how it all shakes out. I think you may be right about shooting her in the foot if you allow her to stay with you even for one night. The powers that be will look at it as "Well, she has a bed with her son. No need for us to bother." Has she not been told how much attention she will get with assisted living? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin M Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Can I ask a question? Who was she going to spend the holidays with before this happened? Does it really matter to you what her church friends think of you and Wolf. It sounds like they've gathered around her and you really don't need to do anything. It's actually working in her favor playing up her son doesn't love bit. Let them continue to take care of her. There comes a point when you can't let her drama take over your life. I have a sister like this - it's all me,me,me and it rises to the surface when our attention is focused on helping another sibling or our mom. We refuse to play into her drama which pretty much shuts her down because she doesn't know how to react. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 Well then, this is perfect. You want to be good people and do the right thing. And basically, you'll be doing her a favor if you don't take her in, because then she'll be able to tell everyone how awful you are, and she'll get tons of hugs and attention and sympathy from everyone she knows. She craves and needs that kind of attention. So, logically speaking, if you take her in, you're being mean and selfish by putting your own need to be the good guys ahead of your MIL's need to be a complete and total narcissist. You would have to be truly rotten people to even think of robbing your poor, old, helpless MIL of the attention and love she needs... from other people. The pieces are all finally starting to fit together. I knew we could figure this out. :p LOL! I think you may be right about shooting her in the foot if you allow her to stay with you even for one night. The powers that be will look at it as "Well, she has a bed with her son. No need for us to bother." Has she not been told how much attention she will get with assisted living? Her sister's in a locked ward w/Alzheimer's. She knows the score. Can I ask a question? Who was she going to spend the holidays with before this happened? Does it really matter to you what her church friends think of you and Wolf. It sounds like they've gathered around her and you really don't need to do anything. It's actually working in her favor playing up her son doesn't love bit. Let them continue to take care of her. There comes a point when you can't let her drama take over your life. I have a sister like this - it's all me,me,me and it rises to the surface when our attention is focused on helping another sibling or our mom. We refuse to play into her drama which pretty much shuts her down because she doesn't know how to react. She spends holidays w/creepazoid Brother and SIL. However, he's been dx'd w/Alzheimer's, so there's no way she could stay there, the SIL has her hands full. Plus, she and SIL don't get along. ETA: We're not doing anything on the basis of what any of her friend's think. Neither of us give a rat's fuzzy behind. We're just figuring out what *we're* ok w/. I'm honestly leery of mentioning that she may not get the support if she comes here. If she has been angling to get moved in w/us (and Wolf and I both believe she has) that would only encourage her to come. We're still talking about how to approach this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 16, 2012 Author Share Posted December 16, 2012 We've decided that it's not in *her* best interest to head to our place, b/c it would end up w/her not getting support to find a new place. Staying w/friends would be better, b/c she'd still be in the area, and a priority. News reports have said it'll take 6 mths -yr to repair, *if* there's no structural damage. If there is, the building will be torn down. Btwn lack of space, and getting in trouble w/our landlord, having her here for anything over a cpl of wks simply isn't possible. Us becoming homeless def wouldn't help anything. Genuinely not sure how *that* convo w/MIL is going to go. Historically, telling her 'no' about anything backfires, only making her more determined to do what we've said no to. However, inviting her really seems like a bad idea all around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 16, 2012 Author Share Posted December 16, 2012 ps, Cat, you have a PM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 Genuinely not sure how *that* convo w/MIL is going to go. Historically, telling her 'no' about anything backfires, only making her more determined to do what we've said no to. However, inviting her really seems like a bad idea all around. So don't bring it up. At this point, from what you say, she's happy where she is and isn't beating down your door. Unless you make it an issue by bringing it up and making it forbidden fruit, she may just go on with the status quo without making it an issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 Problem is, if we didn't offer for her to come here, I don't know if either of us *could* look at ourselves in the mirror. Could you look at yourself in the mirror if you put your kids through living with her? They are more powerless than you.... You told another poster recently that she needed to take the action that would help her face the woman in the mirror. I'll repeat that back to you. From the world of crazy you've posted (just in my short time on the boards), protect your children! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 However, inviting her really seems like a bad idea all around. Sing it, sister! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildcat Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 Can I ask a question? Who was she going to spend the holidays with before this happened? Does it really matter to you what her church friends think of you and Wolf. It sounds like they've gathered around her and you really don't need to do anything. It's actually working in her favor playing up her son doesn't love bit. Let them continue to take care of her. There comes a point when you can't let her drama take over your life. I agree with the above. Imp, you can't have her come live with you. If she brings it up, tell her about the lease/landlord issue, that way it's out of your hands. You and Wolf can help her in many ways, but that doesn't mean you have to let her move in with you. You do need to consider what having her with you will do you your kids & your relationship between you and Wolf. Helping her does not equal bringing her to live with you. The only way you and Wolf wouldn't be able to look at yourselves/each other is if you both said "oh well" and did nothing. Even being "an ear" is helping. Please don't have her move in with you. I know you said it might hurt her assistance, etc, so it sounds like you aren't considering it any more, but in case it's still on the table--- just don't do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 16, 2012 Author Share Posted December 16, 2012 Wolf just talked to her. She's moving in w/friends, and seems to have another apt lined up. So, it's all been sorted out, w/out us having to do anything. *huge sigh of relief* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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