I just saw a 4yo boy hit his grandmother!!

[hsingscrapper]

And she didn't say anything to him nor did his parents do anything.

 

They just let him ask a complete stranger for a piece of gum!

 

I am on the bus with Dragon and he is floored by this! He actually said "At least I know not to hit a lady." And he wasn't exactly whispering.

 

It never ceases to amaze me how some people can let their children act like this.

[LittleIzumi]

And sometimes you see grandmothers hit 4-year-olds. Lots of people don't act the same way we would.

[AdventureMoms]

And sometimes you see grandmothers hit 4-year-olds. Lots of people don't act the same way we would.

:iagree:

 

And sometimes you hear older children make rude comments about younger children... Everybody has different standards.

[justLisa]

And sometimes you see grandmothers hit 4-year-olds. Lots of people don't act the same way we would.

 

Yep

[swellmomma]

It is hard not to see something like that and not judge but what you saw was 1 (well 2 if you count the gum) things in a short span. You have no idea of how they handle things typically. Perhaps grandpa has recently died and they are still in too much shock to do much more than go through the motions. Or maybe they just don't reprimand in public and believe in waiting to discuss it in private. Maybe they have been told that ignoring a behaviour would make it stop and are following that advice. Maybe they screwed up and never correct their child and he will grow up to be a crazed person. We just don't know, so it is better to not judge it, as hard as that is. I know I would have felt the same as you, and my kids would have been appalled, that he hit the gramma. The thing is they would have been appalled while swearing at each other. ANd that gramma and parents would have been thinking "well *my* child would never..." about me without knowing the behind the scenes, rest of the time stuff going on to deal with it.

 

And to point out your own son was quite rude. To be talking like that loudly enough for them to hear is rude. Yes he knows not to hit a lady, but it was still rude to say outloud in their ear shot. If an adult did that, ir would be considered passive aggressive and could lead to an altercation. For all you know these people went home telling their friends they say this woman and her son on the bus and her son was being rude about them and the mother did nothing. And the whole time the mom was staring and giving the hairy eyeball.

[Rebecca VA]

I can't BELIEVE that no one here is appalled at this! People would LET their child hit their grandmother and not do anything about it??

 

Maybe the mom on hsingscrapper's bus is one of the WTM moms who hates her MIL and is letting her son do the dirty work for her.

 

Sheesh.

[maddykate]

And she didn't say anything to him nor did his parents do anything.

 

They just let him ask a complete stranger for a piece of gum!

 

I am on the bus with Dragon and he is floored by this! He actually said "At least I know not to hit a lady." And he wasn't exactly whispering.

 

It never ceases to amaze me how some people can let their children act like this.

 

I agree with you. I am routinely appalled by how some parents allow their kid to behave. And, as far as what your son said out loud...I see absolutely nothing wrong with it and think he has every right to say it. If the parents heard it, perhaps it will make them reconsider the kid's actions.

[maddykate]

I can't BELIEVE that no one here is appalled at this! People would LET their child hit their grandmother and not do anything about it??

 

Maybe the mom on hsingscrapper's bus is one of the WTM moms who hates her MIL and is letting her son do the dirty work for her.

 

Sheesh.

 

:lol:

[fairfarmhand]

It is hard not to see something like that and not judge but what you saw was 1 (well 2 if you count the gum) things in a short span. You have no idea of how they handle things typically. Perhaps grandpa has recently died and they are still in too much shock to do much more than go through the motions. Or maybe they just don't reprimand in public and believe in waiting to discuss it in private. Maybe they have been told that ignoring a behaviour would make it stop and are following that advice. Maybe they screwed up and never correct their child and he will grow up to be a crazed person. We just don't know, so it is better to not judge it, as hard as that is. I know I would have felt the same as you, and my kids would have been appalled, that he hit the gramma. The thing is they would have been appalled while swearing at each other. ANd that gramma and parents would have been thinking "well *my* child would never..." about me without knowing the behind the scenes, rest of the time stuff going on to deal with it.

 

.

this is very good. I really hope that noone judges my parenting by the 2 or 3 minute interactions that happen in public with my kids. They've embarrassed me more than once by their rudeness, ugliness, screaming fits or unkind words. A 10 yo child hitting a grandmother, I'd be horrified, but a 4 yo....you just never know!

[bolt.]

Since I never know enough background, I always refrain from being appalled (even if that is my instinct). I tend, rather, to assume something must be quite wrong in their situation, a challenge that I am unaware of, that makes their choice seem somewhat reasonable, or perhaps the lesser of two evils.

 

In fact the perspective that 'normal people under normal circumstances don't usually do that' is what leads me to assume something isn't average in this picture. The conclusion that the people must just be negligent idiots isn't a conclusion I grab right away. Instead, given my ignorance, I encourage my imagination to be as creatively gracious as logic can possibly allow.

 

In this case, my imagination says the boy could be special needs, and that the results of attempting to reprimand him or reign him in on a public bus might be considerably more catastrophic than just the misbehavior you saw.

[Dina in Oklahoma]

And she didn't say anything to him nor did his parents do anything.

 

They just let him ask a complete stranger for a piece of gum!

 

I am on the bus with Dragon and he is floored by this! He actually said "At least I know not to hit a lady." And he wasn't exactly whispering.

 

It never ceases to amaze me how some people can let their children act like this.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:Completely inappropriate -- unfortunately not by everyones standard.

[bolt.]

It's also possible that the boy was two, or even younger. Moms of high-percentile toddlers get glared at all the time because their babes look 4 as soon as they can walk, and the public expects more than the should from a child so young.

[MooCow]

It's also possible that the boy was two, or even younger. Moms of high-percentile toddlers get glared at all the time because their babes look 4 as soon as they can walk, and the public expects more than the should from a child so young.

:iagree: got that ALL the time with my boys

[catz]

this is very good. I really hope that noone judges my parenting by the 2 or 3 minute interactions that happen in public with my kids. They've embarrassed me more than once by their rudeness, ugliness, screaming fits or unkind words. A 10 yo child hitting a grandmother, I'd be horrified, but a 4 yo....you just never know!

 

:iagree: if you've never had a bad day with a 4 year old, count yourself lucky. Even a 10 year acting out in public may be ADHD or ASD or have some other unknown issues. Who knows.

 

Eta totally agree on the size thing. I have a 5 year old nephew that looks and speaks more like a 7 year old. He still doesn't quite have control of that huge body.

Edited October 5, 2012 by kck

[SKL]

I am on the bus with Dragon and he is floored by this! He actually said "At least I know not to hit a lady." And he wasn't exactly whispering.

 

I'd be wondering why my 9yo would compare himself to a 4yo. My kids are 5 and it's been a long time since they made any comment to me about a younger child, because whenever they did, I'd say "he's younger than you and hasn't learned better yet. Now mind your own business."

 

However, I would not like to see that 4yo behavior either. I'd assume the parent/grandparent was not happy about it either, but I can think of many reasons to not make a big deal about it in public.

[Tammyla]

I'm glad your son wasn't whispering; he's a smart kid.

[AdventureMoms]

It's also possible that the boy was two, or even younger. Moms of high-percentile toddlers get glared at all the time because their babes look 4 as soon as they can walk, and the public expects more than the should from a child so young.

 

My twins are a big problem in this regard! They are off-the-charts in size, easily the size of many 3 & 4 yos. However they are not yet two and only quasi-verbal. They are not very mature for their age, either, which confounds things further. Sure I'm working on certain behaviors, but people give me looks all the time about completely normal 2yo behavior.

[AdventureMoms]

I can't BELIEVE that no one here is appalled at this! People would LET their child hit their grandmother and not do anything about it??

 

Maybe the mom on hsingscrapper's bus is one of the WTM moms who hates her MIL and is letting her son do the dirty work for her.

 

Sheesh.

 

No one said that it was ok, only that we shouldn't judge a stranger when we have no idea what is actually going on in the family.

 

I agree with you. I am routinely appalled by how some parents allow their kid to behave. And, as far as what your son said out loud...I see absolutely nothing wrong with it and think he has every right to say it. If the parents heard it, perhaps it will make them reconsider the kid's actions.

 

Really? It's ok for kids to say rude things about people within earshot and loud enough that they can hear? Especially a much younger child? I don't generally reconsider my parenting based on the rude interjections of a 9yo who I've never met, no.

 

this is very good. I really hope that noone judges my parenting by the 2 or 3 minute interactions that happen in public with my kids. They've embarrassed me more than once by their rudeness, ugliness, screaming fits or unkind words. A 10 yo child hitting a grandmother, I'd be horrified, but a 4 yo....you just never know!

 

:iagree: Dude we've all had bad parenting moments in public. I certainly hope no one runs around judging me by things that happen when I have 3 exhausted little kids in a cart and I have to get the groceries bought, for example. I do the best I can, and assume others around me are also doing the best they can, even if that "best" is not perfect.

[TranquilMind]

swellmomma: Or maybe they just don't reprimand in public and believe in waiting to discuss it in private. Maybe they have been told that ignoring a behaviour would make it stop and are following that advice. Maybe they screwed up and never correct their child and he will grow up to be a crazed person. We just don't know, so it is better to not judge it, as hard as that is. I know I would have felt the same as you, and my kids would have been appalled, that he hit the gramma.

 

 

What kind of person "doesn't reprimand in public"? What if the kid had slugged someone else's baby? You have to say, "No. We don't do this." at the very least. Unless the parent didn't see the hitting, which could have happened, but I think the poster would have said this.

 

And to point out your own son was quite rude. To be talking like that loudly enough for them to hear is rude. Yes he knows not to hit a lady, but it was still rude to say outloud in their ear shot

 

But the child just said it, probably in amazement. I'm sure she shushed him after. I know I would.

 

 

 

[TranquilMind]

kck: if you've never had a bad day with a 4 year old, count yourself lucky.

 

I've had a bad day in public with 4 year olds. Many of them. But I never just ignored their behavior. I tried my best to get it under control or I leave the situation as soon as possible.

 

The only legimate reason for ignoring a 4 year old hitting is that the parent didn't see it. He needs to be verbally corrected, at the very least.

 

 

[TranquilMind]

I can't BELIEVE that no one here is appalled at this! People would LET their child hit their grandmother and not do anything about it??

 

Maybe the mom on hsingscrapper's bus is one of the WTM moms who hates her MIL and is letting her son do the dirty work for her.

 

Sheesh.

 

Heh heh. I shouldn't laugh, but I must confess that I found this amusing in a dark way.

[maddykate]

I've had a bad day in public with 4 year olds. Many of them. But I never just ignored their behavior. I tried my best to get it under control or I leave the situation as soon as possible.

 

The only legimate reason for ignoring a 4 year old hitting is that the parent didn't see it. He needs to be verbally corrected, at the very least.

 

 

 

 

Amen!

[bolt.]

I've had a bad day in public with 4 year olds. Many of them. But I never just ignored their behavior. I tried my best to get it under control or I leave the situation as soon as possible.

 

The only legimate reason for ignoring a 4 year old hitting is that the parent didn't see it. He needs to be verbally corrected, at the very least.

 

 

 

While I agree in principle that most normal 4 year old children on most days of their lives would be best-served by at least a verbal correction after hitting someone... There is a logical disconnect between that general belief and unequivocal application to this situation.

 

There are indeed legitimate reasons why that might not be the best response under specific circumstances. There was no reason to assume that this child is normal, average or nerotypical in his functioning. There is no reason to assume that this was a normal day for that family. There isn't even a reason to assume the child is 4, or that the woman was his grandmother, or that he was traveling with his family at all. These are the assumptions that underlie your conclusion that there is never any reason to avoid correcting a child for hitting someone... And there is room for doubting each of them.

 

I believe in the benefit of the doubt.

[Luanne]

... "well, it is just their way". So, hitting each other is suddenly ok?

 

Unless the child was an infant, which most likely they weren't, something should have been said to them about hitting (even if they were 2 or 3). Even if your 4 year old is having a bad day, it is not ok to let them hit their grandmother.

 

Sorry if I am the only one who sees it this way and I am not going to make excuses for other people's bad behavior.

 

I'm glad your kid wasn't quiet about it.

 

It's not just about wanted to be appalled either. Bad behavior is bad behavior and doesn't cease to be so because you condone it. It does make me wonder what some of you let your children do and why you seem to think it is ok.

Edited October 5, 2012 by Luanne
Needed to add ...

[TranquilMind]

There are indeed legitimate reasons why that might not be the best response under specific circumstances. There was no reason to assume that this child is normal, average or nerotypical in his functioning.

 

 

That's really irrelevant. The child needs to know that he can't commit battery on another person, whether it is Grandma or a stranger. Every time, this must be corrected or the child learns that sometimes he hits (and I'm assuming hitting, not an accidental arm swing into Grandma's nose) and it's fine.

[ktgrok]

Does anyone have that internet article/post about how you never know what is going on? about the mom on the bus with out of control kids, and it turns out their father just died and they are taking the bus home from the hospital? That's what I always think about when I see stuff like that. You just never know. That kid could be autistic, brain damaged, anything...you never know.

[ktgrok]

Since I never know enough background, I always refrain from being appalled (even if that is my instinct). I tend, rather, to assume something must be quite wrong in their situation, a challenge that I am unaware of, that makes their choice seem somewhat reasonable, or perhaps the lesser of two evils.

 

In fact the perspective that 'normal people under normal circumstances don't usually do that' is what leads me to assume something isn't average in this picture. The conclusion that the people must just be negligent idiots isn't a conclusion I grab right away. Instead, given my ignorance, I encourage my imagination to be as creatively gracious as logic can possibly allow.

 

In this case, my imagination says the boy could be special needs, and that the results of attempting to reprimand him or reign him in on a public bus might be considerably more catastrophic than just the misbehavior you saw.

:iagree:

[myfunnybunch]

I agree that a four-year-old should not be hitting anyone, and should be corrected for it.

 

But I'm a little shocked at the number of responses giving kudos to a nine-year-old making personal comments loudly in public about something that's none of his business. (And when I say "loudly," I mean loud enough for the others to hear; if it had been whispered discreetly, I wouldn't have a problem with it.)

 

It's great that he knows better than to hit others, as he should at age nine. But a nine-year-old is also old enough to know not to make audible personal comments about others in public.

 

Cat

[catz]

Does anyone have that internet article/post about how you never know what is going on? about the mom on the bus with out of control kids, and it turns out their father just died and they are taking the bus home from the hospital? That's what I always think about when I see stuff like that. You just never know. That kid could be autistic, brain damaged, anything...you never know.

 

:iagree: No one is saying the behavior is ok or we would condone it in our own kids. I feel lucky my kids never were physical (no pushing, biting, hitting, etc at any age). Just because the parent didn't react at that exact moment as you might doesn't mean mom is "bad". It's unfortunate public behavoir, but I don't see the point of judging a very brief situation in public that you will never have the back story for. That person might be a horrible parent, or might be having an off day, or might have a child with issues. Grandma might hit him 10X a day for all we know and that's how he learned hitting was ok.

 

I do know there are reactions that I have to some of my kid's behavior that is not appropriate for in a public place and I might save it for later. They might get "THE LOOK" and know what's coming later without me saying a word.

[Farrar]

Judge not, lest...

[SKL]

t does make me wonder what some of you let your children do and why you seem to think it is ok.

 

Well, I have an aunt who was widowed when her severely autistic son was 3. Her son was a healthy, beautiful, and extremely strong child. He also did things in public that nobody would "let" their children do or "think it is ok." She was the object of so much judgment by ignorant people. Maybe that's why I don't consider it my place to judge strangers or their preschoolers.

[Jerico]

pretty sure my mom would let my children hit her and do nothing... one of the reasons i try not to let them spend too much unsupervised time with her.

[bolt.]

That's really irrelevant. The child needs to know that he can't commit battery on another person, whether it is Grandma or a stranger. Every time, this must be corrected or the child learns that sometimes he hits (and I'm assuming hitting, not an accidental arm swing into Grandma's nose) and it's fine.

It's *irrelevant* that this child might be autistic, in foster care, traveling to therapy -- the right thing to do is to correct him verbally so he flies into a violent rage in a crowded public place where nobody can get away from him and hs caregiver will have to use a child restraint hold on him for the 45 minutes it takes him to calm down.... ????? That's just irrelevant???? I believe your experience to be very narrow if whether or not a child has a known medical condition or mental illness is considered irrelevant to how you parent them.

 

Average children need the usual good parenting. The usual good parenting would be to correct the child. 99% of the time, sure, it's correct to assume the family is 'normal' in every way.

 

Some children aren't average. Autistic children exist. So do lots of other circumstances.

 

Given that there is NO DATA that this child was or wasn't average, it is entirely possible that he was responded to in an entirely appropreate way. When I don't know things, I don't assume the worst. I assume the best. I assume they are doing their best, that they have brains, and that for some reason, in their situation, their response seems reasonable in their own eyes... That's part of "so long as it depends on you, be at peace with all people" -- and I think it matters.

[justLisa]

What kind of person "doesn't reprimand in public"? What if the kid had slugged someone else's baby? You have to say, "No. We don't do this." at the very least. Unless the parent didn't see the hitting, which could have happened, but I think the poster would have said this.

 

 

 

But the child just said it, probably in amazement. I'm sure she shushed him after. I know I would.

 

 

 

 

Now who's making assumptions? You think it's crazy that nothing happened to the little boy, yet you are defending 9 year old because "of course the mother shushed him after." How do you knwo that? It seems more that the she was happy her 9 year old said anything. She certainly didn't say otherwise.

 

And this is far from a kid slugging a baby. I mean really.

[TranquilMind]

It's *irrelevant* that this child might be autistic, in foster care, traveling to therapy -- the right thing to do is to correct him verbally so he flies into a violent rage in a crowded public place where nobody can get away from him and hs caregiver will have to use a child restraint hold on him for the 45 minutes it takes him to calm down.... ????? That's just irrelevant???? I believe your experience to be very narrow if whether or not a child has a known medical condition or mental illness is considered irrelevant to how you parent them.

 

.

 

So you continue to let him hit because he is in a public place, you don't want to upset him by a verbal correction(??), and he has a medical condition?

 

What if he expands his range of victims from Grandma to others? Where does it become important to intervene?

[8circles]

These are the kinds of threads that make me start to feel a general dislike for the human race. When people who seem to be otherwise nice, good people make such judgmental assumptions about others.

 

There are many unknowns to the hitting child situation. I am a very attentive, consistent parent with children who receive complements often about their behavior. None of them have dx for things which would affect their behavior so I'll call them 'average'. Yet I can still imagine reasonable, possible situations where I could have been the mother on that bus.

 

So many people lack empathy, its really sad.

 

ETA: deleted unnecessary comment.

Edited October 5, 2012 by momoflaw

[justLisa]

Well, I have an aunt who was widowed when her severely autistic son was 3. Her son was a healthy, beautiful, and extremely strong child. He also did things in public that nobody would "let" their children do or "think it is ok." She was the object of so much judgment by ignorant people. Maybe that's why I don't consider it my place to judge strangers or their preschoolers.

 

Exactly.

 

I had two cousins who were much older than 4 when their father was put in prison and their mother died. They were not exactly "well behaved." I'm sure glad our family showed them some love and not judgement.

[TranquilMind]

Now who's making assumptions? You think it's crazy that nothing happened to the little boy, yet you are defending 9 year old because "of course the mother shushed him after." How do you knwo that? It seems more that the she was happy her 9 year old said anything. She certainly didn't say otherwise.

 

 

Maybe she didn't shush him. But she certainly couldn't have done it before he said anything. I didn't condone children making loud comments. But I can certainly understand a child saying, "Wow...look at that" if he just saw a kid hit Grandma. That would be an unusual sight (I hope).

 

And this is far from a kid slugging a baby.

Grandparents are fair game? Grandma in my experience meant a frail, old lady. Maybe Grandma to you means 40 and strong as an ox, easily able to handle the child.

 

Either way, the hitting has got to stop.

[justLisa]

Maybe she didn't shush him. But she certainly couldn't have done it before he said anything.

 

And this is far from a kid slugging a baby.

 

Grandparents are fair game? Grandma in my experience meant a frail, old lady. Maybe Grandma to you means 40 and strong as an ox, easily able to handle the child.

 

Either way, the hitting has got to stop.

 

Well the OP is not coming in to clarify. So maybe he just barely smacked her. Maybe he took her cane and beat her with it. Those are two things that are entirely different. Maybe Gma DID say something. Maybe she gave him "the look," or maybe she whispered to him. Who knows?

 

The point is we don't know.

 

But it's not ok to judge from such a vague and short glimpse in to someone's life and then to condone your 9 year old making a rude comment. BOTH kids were rude, one being more than twice the other age and one parent is scowling at the other one.

[hsingscrapper]

The boy was 4. I said he was cute (before he hit her) and asked how old. He tried to fib 5 and she corrected him.

 

After my initial post, he hit her again, chewed on her coat, and pinched her and she then tried to get the parents to do something. Don't even get me started on the failed attempt at bribery the dad attempted to use.

[bolt.]

So you continue to let him hit because he is in a public place, you don't want to upset him by a verbal correction(??), and he has a medical condition?

If, in my best judgement and personal knowledge of the exact behavior of the child under my care, I assessed that the results of a verbal reprimand would do more harm than good, I would certianly refrain from offering verbal correction in the moment, and instead opt for another strategy that I deemed likely to produce good results.

 

Not just for any medical condition, and not under all circumstances

 

Of course, if I was responsible for a child with a particular medical condition, I'd be very well educated on the best strategies for managing his behavior in the moment AND strategically changing his behaviour through various out-of-the-moment methods. I can't be an expert in how to treat a hypothetical condition in an unknown situation. What I can be is *gracious in my assumptions* -- and I maintain that doing so is both an important skill and a religious convicion.

 

What if he expands his range of victims from Grandma to others? Where does it become important to intervene?

Generally speaking...

 

It's important to intervene *before* people get hurt, if possible. Therefore the point of action would be *before* he hit Gma (if possible), or when he looked likely to hit someone else. If he did not look likely to hit anyone else, no intervention is called for. Teaching is called for -- but that can take many forms. (If reprimanding him would make him more likely to hit someone else, that response might seem correct, but would, in fact produce the opposite of what would be desired from such an 'intervention'.)

[bolt.]

The boy was 4. I said he was cute (before he hit her) and asked how old. He tried to fib 5 and she corrected him.

 

After my initial post, he hit her again, chewed on her coat, and pinched her and she then tried to get the parents to do something. Don't even get me started on the failed attempt at bribery the dad attempted to use.

That does sound quite extreme. I hope they manage to find their way out of their predicament with him. It's a hard thing being a parent without the skills one needs to do it well -- especially if one's child is unusually challenging.

[Galatea]

If, in my best judgement and personal knowledge of the exact behavior of the child under my care, I assessed that the results of a verbal reprimand would do more harm than good, I would certianly refrain from offering verbal correction in the moment, and instead opt for another strategy that I deemed likely to produce good results.

 

Not just for any medical condition, and not under all circumstances

 

Of course, if I was responsible for a child with a particular medical condition, I'd be very well educated on the best strategies for managing his behavior in the moment AND strategically changing his behaviour through various out-of-the-moment methods. I can't be an expert in how to treat a hypothetical condition in an unknown situation. What I can be is *gracious in my assumptions* -- and I maintain that doing so is both an important skill and a religious convicion.

 

 

Generally speaking...

 

It's important to intervene *before* people get hurt, if possible. Therefore the point of action would be *before* he hit Gma (if possible), or when he looked likely to hit someone else. If he did not look likely to hit anyone else, no intervention is called for. Teaching is called for -- but that can take many forms. (If reprimanding him would make him more likely to hit someone else, that response might seem correct, but would, in fact produce the opposite of what would be desired from such an 'intervention'.)

 

You just completely sidestepped that question.

[Farrar]

These are the kinds of threads that make me start to feel a general dislike for the human race.

 

:iagree:

 

...but I did kind of feel like this addendum undermined it...

 

I would be embarrassed if my 9 year-old made such a comment in public for others to hear. There is much hope for a 4 year-old who hits his grandmother and is not corrected. Not as much for a 9 year-old who is rude, & not corrected, to strangers in public.

 

Look, we could pick every aspect of this case apart and posit potential issues, guess about what was going on that day, imagine what strategies this family might be using at home, and so forth - for both the 4 yo and the 9 yo. And probably some people will, but it won't get us anywhere. Some people see the world black and white. Some don't.

[bolt.]

You just completely sidestepped that question.

I'm sorry, I must have misunderstood what I was being asked. I thought the question was about how I would handle a violent special needs child on a bus, if I needed to -- and under which circumstances I would refrain from a verbal reprimand and why.

 

Could you clairify what question you feel I 'sidestepped'?

[8circles]

:iagree:

 

...but I did kind of feel like this addendum undermined it...

 

 

 

Look, we could pick every aspect of this case apart and posit potential issues, guess about what was going on that day, imagine what strategies this family might be using at home, and so forth - for both the 4 yo and the 9 yo. And probably some people will, but it won't get us anywhere. Some people see the world black and white. Some don't.

 

Sorry, you're right. I'm just irritated with people. I exaggerated. I'll edit it out.

[TranquilMind]

The boy was 4. I said he was cute (before he hit her) and asked how old. He tried to fib 5 and she corrected him.

 

After my initial post, he hit her again, chewed on her coat, and pinched her and she then tried to get the parents to do something. Don't even get me started on the failed attempt at bribery the dad attempted to use.

 

Sad.

[hsingscrapper]

In Dragon's defense: I have instilled in my boys, as has my dh, that hitting any female, except in self-defense, is absolutely unacceptable behavior. He, semi-unfortunately, has zero filter when it comes to witnessing wrong doing.

 

We are working on that. Ironically, he's got a short temper when it comes to his older brother.

[justLisa]

In Dragon's defense: I have instilled in my boys, as has my dh, that hitting any female, except in self-defense, is absolutely unacceptable behavior. He, semi-unfortunately, has zero filter when it comes to witnessing wrong doing.

 

We are working on that. Ironically, he's got a short temper when it comes to his older brother.

 

How about HITTING IS WRONG.

 

I hate that idea that hitting a FEMALE is somehow worse. And let me tell you. If a female came up and slugged my son I would expect he would know how to defend himself. And no I do not condone my son slugging girls. But t here IS an 11 year old girl who is far too physical and he did push her back on the grass once when she pretended to try to choke him and slugged him in the arm. Her mother and the other parent told DS he did the right thing.

[TranquilMind]

How about HITTING IS WRONG.

 

I hate that idea that hitting a FEMALE is somehow worse. And let me tell you. If a female came up and slugged my son I would expect he would know how to defend himself. And no I do not condone my son slugging girls. But t here IS an 11 year old girl who is far too physical and he did push her back on the grass once when she pretended to try to choke him and slugged him in the arm. Her mother and the other parent told DS he did the right thing.

 

 

Sorry, but it IS worse. 95% of the time, boys and definitely men are stronger than girls and women of similar age. It is bad to hit anyone, unless in self/defenseless other defense. It IS worse to hit the young, the elderly, and women or girls.

 

Maybe it's just my age showing.

 

What your son should do if a female comes up and slugs him is block her, and push her away, just as it sounds like he did. He shouldn't haul off and punch her, assuming similar size and not a hostage situation or something.