I just saw a 4yo boy hit his grandmother!!

[hsingscrapper]

Dragon watched the 4yo do the hitting. He wasn't loud but he didn't whisper, either. The gma didn't hear him. You should have seen how wide his eyes got!

[justLisa]

Sorry, but it IS worse. 95% of the time, boys and definitely men are stronger than girls and women of similar age. It is bad to hit anyone, unless in self/defenseless other defense. It IS worse to hit the young, the elderly, and women or girls.

 

Maybe it's just my age showing.

 

What your son should do if a female comes up and slugs him is block her, and push her away, just as it sounds like he did. He shouldn't haul off and punch her, assuming similar size and not a hostage situation or something.

 

 

Well little boys aren't running around punching grown men and women. It's usually kids fighting with other kids. You don't need to be so specific and gender stereotyping with little kids. HItting others is wrong. Yeah I tell DS to be more careful with girls and I don't expect to ever hear of him every punching/hitting anyone back. He knows self defense without punching people.

 

95% of the time is a pretty exact statement. There are TONS of girls bigger than some of DS' friends.

 

OMG there are just so many things wrong with this thread I'm totally leaving because it's annoying the h*ll out of me.

 

Some people are just way too much in to other's biz.

[thebacabunch]

Well, I have an aunt who was widowed when her severely autistic son was 3. Her son was a healthy, beautiful, and extremely strong child. He also did things in public that nobody would "let" their children do or "think it is ok." She was the object of so much judgment by ignorant people. Maybe that's why I don't consider it my place to judge strangers or their preschoolers.

 

I have a dd with autism. Part of her behavior plan is to ignore certain behaviors. I have had the nastiest, most judgemental comments you can imagine said within my hearing. I have had people threaten to call the police during an autistic tantrum that I didn't "have control of". I know society is going downhill in a lot of ways, but it isn't our place to judge.

 

PS my 2year old son is 40 pounds and wears a 5t. He is BARELY 2.

[Impish]

Sorry, but it IS worse. 95% of the time, boys and definitely men are stronger than girls and women of similar age. It is bad to hit anyone, unless in self/defenseless other defense. It IS worse to hit the young, the elderly, and women or girls.

 

Maybe it's just my age showing.

 

What your son should do if a female comes up and slugs him is block her, and push her away, just as it sounds like he did. He shouldn't haul off and punch her, assuming similar size and not a hostage situation or something.

Bull doody.

 

If someone hits someone, they should be prepared to be hit back, gender has nothing to do w/it.

 

It's that line of reasoning that has men as victims of domestic violence, and unlistened to. If he hits her back, rather than 'well, you hit him first, duh' the response is for him to be charged w/assault.

 

Frankly, I'm sick and tired of women wanting equality...until it doesn't suit them, and then hide behind, "But, I'm a GIRL!" mentality.

[justLisa]

Bull doody.

 

If someone hits someone, they should be prepared to be hit back, gender has nothing to do w/it.

 

It's that line of reasoning that has men as victims of domestic violence, and unlistened to. If he hits her back, rather than 'well, you hit him first, duh' the response is for him to be charged w/assault.

 

Frankly, I'm sick and tired of women wanting equality...until it doesn't suit them, and then hide behind, "But, I'm a GIRL!" mentality.

 

Funny, I had to debold this to make it stand out LOL...

 

BUT THANK YOU. Maybe it's because I live in a very progressive area where these kinds of women are trying a movement that only does the gender more harm then good. Women want to be the same. But oh wait. I'm really not because physically I am different so you can't touch me.

 

You punch me you are getting it back.

[swellmomma]

Bull doody.

 

If someone hits someone, they should be prepared to be hit back, gender has nothing to do w/it.

 

It's that line of reasoning that has men as victims of domestic violence, and unlistened to. If he hits her back, rather than 'well, you hit him first, duh' the response is for him to be charged w/assault.

 

Frankly, I'm sick and tired of women wanting equality...until it doesn't suit them, and then hide behind, "But, I'm a GIRL!" mentality.

 

 

EXACTLY!

[Mommy22alyns]

I agree that a four-year-old should not be hitting anyone, and should be corrected for it.

 

But I'm a little shocked at the number of responses giving kudos to a nine-year-old making personal comments loudly in public about something that's none of his business. (And when I say "loudly," I mean loud enough for the others to hear; if it had been whispered discreetly, I wouldn't have a problem with it.)

 

It's great that he knows better than to hit others, as he should at age nine. But a nine-year-old is also old enough to know not to make audible personal comments about others in public.

 

Cat

 

I agree. When the girls register disapproval for another child's behaviour, I quietly and quickly remind them that they've pulled that crap too.

[cin]

I think we all have moments of being shocked at someone else's behavior and/or words. Our initial reaction isn't always 'awww, must be a special needs child'. If it was, would we even notice the behaviors?

 

I think it's unfortunate that, in sharing our moments of shock, we are judged as being a judgmental person. And ironic.

 

For the record, I would be rather shocked at seeing a 4 yr old hit grandma, and my daughter has some social issues. I have had to work hard with her to get her to not say things too loudly. And if she said something inappropriate, and I got a judging glare, I would not be surprised or upset. maybe hurt, but not upset.

[myfunnybunch]

So you continue to let him hit because he is in a public place, you don't want to upset him by a verbal correction(??), and he has a medical condition?

 

Of course not.

 

It is difficult for those without experience with a child with a developmental disability or mental illness to understand what it takes to teach a child with the kind of disability that makes it difficult for the child to understand causal relationships. Some children do not...CANnot...connect I hit Grandma--->I get a reprimand. To that child, the reprimand is a) attention, even though it's negative, which can reinforce rather then reduce the behavior, and b) seems to come out of the blue even if everyone else around the child can understand the connection. The ensuing meltdown makes the correction counterproductive, as the child learns NOTHING about correcting the inappropriate behavior. If the point of correction is to change the behavior, an immediate correction is simply not appropriate, even if other bus riders or store employees or park moms think something should be done.

 

There are other ways to teach a child with a developmental disability. (Or an NT child, for that matter.) Lack of immediate response does not automatically mean lack of teaching or correction.

 

Cat

[TranquilMind]

Bull doody.

 

If someone hits someone, they should be prepared to be hit back, gender has nothing to do w/it.

 

It's that line of reasoning that has men as victims of domestic violence, and unlistened to. If he hits her back, rather than 'well, you hit him first, duh' the response is for him to be charged w/assault.

 

Frankly, I'm sick and tired of women wanting equality...until it doesn't suit them, and then hide behind, "But, I'm a GIRL!" mentality.

 

Do you have to bold every single response?

 

Your reasoning is off here. This has nothing to do with gender card playing to take advantage and everything to do with the practical reality that women are generally weaker than men.

[Lisbeth]

I find it entertaining, but disturbing, watching Opposite World in action. I notice a lot of people bending over backwards to explain away, appear tolerate of, justify, have sympathy for the obviously bad behavior, but quickly villify the ones who call it out. Really, we need more disapproval, and less tolerance, of the icky behavior around us. It is fascinating to watch the mental gymnastics.

[bolt.]

It's isn't "mental gymnastics" to simply make gracious assumptions in the case of unknown information. I find it a peaceful and lovely way to live. I reccomend it to others not because I judge them, but rather because it is both sensible and kind, and it might improve their lives and relationships. (And yes, once you get in the habit of making gracious assumptions about others, you begin to take much less notice of things that you might otherwise react judgementaly about... That's kinda the point.)

 

The only person I "judged" here was the one who indicated the belief that there was: no conceivable situation in which choosing not to offer verbal correction would be a legitimate choice. My "judgement" of that absolute statement was that it was inaccurate due to it being an absolute statment: that no situation exists in which immediate verbal correction is a innapropreate tool. I thereafter attempted to offer an example of a situation in which verbal correction would be an innapropreate tool. I was not attempting to assert that the case at hand fit those criteria, only that some cases do exist, in order to show the original statement false.

[AdventureMoms]

I find it entertaining, but disturbing, watching Opposite World in action. I notice a lot of people bending over backwards to explain away, appear tolerate of, justify, have sympathy for the obviously bad behavior, but quickly villify the ones who call it out. Really, we need more disapproval, and less tolerance, of the icky behavior around us. It is fascinating to watch the mental gymnastics.

 

Ah yes. The world needs less tolerance and more rudeness. And one should take care not to stretch one's brain overmuch. :glare:

[Parrothead]

I think we all have moments of being shocked at someone else's behavior and/or words. Our initial reaction isn't always 'awww, must be a special needs child'. If it was, would we even notice the behaviors?

 

I think it's unfortunate that, in sharing our moments of shock, we are judged as being a judgmental person. And ironic.

 

 

I think this is the first sensible comment I've read in this thread.

 

Ah yes. The world needs less tolerance and more rudeness. And one should take care not to stretch one's brain overmuch. :glare:

Does this include the grandmother? Perhaps she should just continue to tolerate being repeatedly struck by a child.

 

One person's tolerance can be another person's rudeness.

[Parrothead]

Do you have to bold every single response?

 

 

 

TM I have also wondered about that irritating bolding.

Where is the tolerance for Imp's choice of font?

[Melissa in Australia]

Do you have to bold every single response?

 

QUOTE]

Imp once posted about the bolding. It's the way her computer is set up for one hand typing, or something like that.

 

I would much rather bolding than no paragraph breaks like some post.

[AdventureMoms]

I think this is the first sensible comment I've read in this thread.

 

 

Does this include the grandmother? Perhaps she should just continue to tolerate being repeatedly struck by a child.

 

One person's tolerance can be another person's rudeness.

 

Of course no one should have to tolerate being hit. However, that is an issue for the grandmother to deal with with the child and the child's parents. Not my business how she chooses to handle it. However being judging of other people's situations when you know NOTHING about what's going on is rather different, don't you think?

[Parrothead]

Of course no one should have to tolerate being hit. However, that is an issue for the grandmother to deal with with the child and the child's parents. Not my business how she chooses to handle it. However being judging of other people's situations when you know NOTHING about what's going on is rather different, don't you think?

Honestly we all make judgements. Some are harsher than others.

 

One person's "Aww, look at the little boy smacking his grandma while his daddy ineffectually tries to bribe him to stop" is another person's "Wowza!"

 

Both are judgements of the parents, the child and the grandma. One judges the group of people as having hidden issues. The other judges in shock and dismay.

Edited October 6, 2012 by Parrothead

[SKL]

Honestly we all make judgements. Some are harsher than others.

 

One person's "Aww, look at the little boy smacking his grandma while his daddy ineffectually tries to bribe him to stop" is another person's "Wowza!"

 

Both are judgements of the parents, the child and the grandma. One judges the group of people as having hidden issues. The other judges in shock and dismay.

 

I didn't notice anyone saying that hitting granny is an acceptable behavior.

 

Just as a general observation, my reaction is that people who consider that kind of incident worthy of a discussion thread are the ones who think their child can do no wrong. This impression was IMO supported by the comment re "at least my 9yo knows not to hit his granny." (Though it did make me wonder what "at least" meant. That's not a real high threshold IMO.)

 

And it's one thing to judge - we all do it - but another to speak your judgment in front of people (or be proud that your 9yo did same).

 

I was hesitant to jump on the OP, but I was surprised that some of the posters thought her son's behavior was appropriate. Personally I'm more concerned about inappropriate 9yo behavior (esp. if OK with the parent) than inappropriate 4yo behavior. I do understand that some 9yos don't have a filter, but one would think such a child's parents would be that much more understanding of a 4yo's impulsivity.

[Impish]

Do you have to bold every single response?

 

Your reasoning is off here. This has nothing to do with gender card playing to take advantage and everything to do with the practical reality that women are generally weaker than men.

I've always used a bold font. Nothing new. And, if it's about practicality, and size difference, EVERYONE should be taught to keep their hands to themselves, not count on, or hide behind their gender to not have equal retribution.

Where is the tolerance for Imp's choice of font?

:lol::lol::lol:

[hsingscrapper]

I didn't notice anyone saying that hitting granny is an acceptable behavior.

 

Just as a general observation, my reaction is that people who consider that kind of incident worthy of a discussion thread are the ones who think their child can do no wrong. This impression was IMO supported by the comment re "at least my 9yo knows not to hit his granny." (Though it did make me wonder what "at least" meant. That's not a real high threshold IMO.)

 

And it's one thing to judge - we all do it - but another to speak your judgment in front of people (or be proud that your 9yo did same).

 

I was hesitant to jump on the OP, but I was surprised that some of the posters thought her son's behavior was appropriate. Personally I'm more concerned about inappropriate 9yo behavior (esp. if OK with the parent) than inappropriate 4yo behavior. I do understand that some 9yos don't have a filter, but one would think such a child's parents would be that much more understanding of a 4yo's impulsivity.

 

I did shush him. I do understand that little ones are impulsive. However, I have instilled in my boys that anything less than acting like a gentleman in public has consequences. I start this training early before I even start potty training. I was expected as a child to act like a young lady in a restaurant or social gatherings. There was a time to be rambunctious and public events was *not* it.

[Parrothead]

I didn't notice anyone saying that hitting granny is an acceptable behavior.

Neither did I.

 

Just as a general observation, my reaction is that people who consider that kind of incident worthy of a discussion thread are the ones who think their child can do no wrong. This impression was IMO supported by the comment re "at least my 9yo knows not to hit his granny." (Though it did make me wonder what "at least" meant. That's not a real high threshold IMO.)

I made no comment about Heidi's ds' behavior one way or another at all. In all honesty I have no opinion one way or another about her ds' comment.

 

And it's one thing to judge - we all do it - but another to speak your judgment in front of people (or be proud that your 9yo did same).

My point exactly.

 

I was hesitant to jump on the OP, but I was surprised that some of the posters thought her son's behavior was appropriate. Personally I'm more concerned about inappropriate 9yo behavior (esp. if OK with the parent) than inappropriate 4yo behavior. I do understand that some 9yos don't have a filter, but one would think such a child's parents would be that much more understanding of a 4yo's impulsivity.

Again I made no comment about this part of the discussion. I'm guessing this part isn't aimed particularly at me. :confused:

[SKL]

Again I made no comment about this part of the discussion. I'm guessing this part isn't aimed particularly at me. :confused:

 

My point was that most of us probably would not have jumped on the OP if she weren't touting her 9yo's inappropriate behavior in the same post in which she expressed horror at a 4yo's behavior.

 

It's kind of like "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

 

So yeah, to your point, we all judge, but if we're going to judge vocally, we can't really complain about also being judged.

[bolt.]

Honestly we all make judgements. Some are harsher than others.

 

One person's "Aww, look at the little boy smacking his grandma while his daddy ineffectually tries to bribe him to stop" is another person's "Wowza!"

 

Both are judgements of the parents, the child and the grandma. One judges the group of people as having hidden issues. The other judges in shock and dismay.

In my case it would be more accurate to say I hold a preconception, not that I make a judgement -- the preconception I hold is that most people have issues (hidden or otherwise). I've never met a person who has disproved that preconception.

[momtokea]

I did shush him. I do understand that little ones are impulsive. However, I have instilled in my boys that anything less than acting like a gentleman in public has consequences. I start this training early before I even start potty training. I was expected as a child to act like a young lady in a restaurant or social gatherings. There was a time to be rambunctious and public events was *not* it.

 

Hey, that's great! Good for you. And you should thank God everyday that you have neurotypical children that respond to that. Don't ever take it for granted, either, because an accident or an illness could change that in a second, and you may be walking in the shoes of that child's parents.

[hsingscrapper]

I should add they are completely hyper and wound at home. I pick my battles.

[CAMom]

Hey, that's great! Good for you. And you should thank God everyday that you have neurotypical children that respond to that. Don't ever take it for granted, either, because an accident or an illness could change that in a second, and you may be walking in the shoes of that child's parents.

 

So, so true!

[AdventureMoms]

Honestly we all make judgements. Some are harsher than others.

 

One person's "Aww, look at the little boy smacking his grandma while his daddy ineffectually tries to bribe him to stop" is another person's "Wowza!"

 

Both are judgements of the parents, the child and the grandma. One judges the group of people as having hidden issues. The other judges in shock and dismay.

 

Yes, we all make judgements. When you proclaim your judgements on a public message board, people get to comment on them.

[AdventureMoms]

Hey, that's great! Good for you. And you should thank God everyday that you have neurotypical children that respond to that. Don't ever take it for granted, either, because an accident or an illness could change that in a second, and you may be walking in the shoes of that child's parents.

:iagree:

[Impish]

Hey, that's great! Good for you. And you should thank God everyday that you have neurotypical children that respond to that. Don't ever take it for granted, either, because an accident or an illness could change that in a second, and you may be walking in the shoes of that child's parents.

I'm totally missing where it was actually established that the 4 yo has special needs.

 

There have been *suggestions* that he may, but nowhere did anyone have the ability to confirm or deny.

 

The child *might* have special needs. He *might* just be a brat. It's a 50/50 shot, w/the complete lack of info one way or another.

[Mrs Mungo]

I'm totally missing where it was actually established that the 4 yo has special needs.

 

There have been *suggestions* that he may, but nowhere did anyone have the ability to confirm or deny.

 

The child *might* have special needs. He *might* just be a brat. It's a 50/50 shot, w/the complete lack of info one way or another.

 

 

I agree. BUT, the fact that we don't walk in other people's shoes means that I discourage my kids from making loud snarky comments about other people. Granted, I'm not always successful, but then I don't go brag about those incidents on the internet either. That's the thing bothering people here, I think.

[Impish]

I agree. BUT, the fact that we don't walk in other people's shoes means that I discourage my kids from making loud snarky comments about other people. Granted, I'm not always successful, but then I don't go brag about those incidents on the internet either. That's the thing bothering people here, I think.

I was commenting on the 'Don't ever take it for granted, either, because an accident or an illness could change that in a second, and you may be walking in the shoes of that child's parents.' comment by the pp.

 

We don't know if the shoes of the other kid's parents are indeed those of someone raising a special needs child, or simply a spoiled one.

[Mrs Mungo]

I was commenting on the 'Don't ever take it for granted, either, because an accident or an illness could change that in a second, and you may be walking in the shoes of that child's parents.' comment by the pp.

 

We don't know if the shoes of the other kid's parents are indeed those of someone raising a special needs child, or simply a spoiled one.

 

But, I think that was meant as a general statement, not a specific one. I think it was meant to say "you may be walking in the shoes of the parents of a child with issues." You can't always see other people's disabilities or struggles and what is true for your children is not true for every child. I think that's all they were saying.

[momtokea]

I was commenting on the 'Don't ever take it for granted, either, because an accident or an illness could change that in a second, and you may be walking in the shoes of that child's parents.' comment by the pp.

 

We don't know if the shoes of the other kid's parents are indeed those of someone raising a special needs child, or simply a spoiled one.

 

You are correct, we all know nothing about these people, and never will.

 

The behaviour sounds so extreme, though, that I doubt he was normal

[Impish]

But, I think that was meant as a general statement, not a specific one. I think it was meant to say "you may be walking in the shoes of the parents of a child with issues." You can't always see other people's disabilities or struggles and what is true for your children is not true for every child. I think that's all they were saying.

It's not the way it hit my radar, but yup, you're right.

[justLisa]

I was commenting on the 'Don't ever take it for granted, either, because an accident or an illness could change that in a second, and you may be walking in the shoes of that child's parents.' comment by the pp.

 

We don't know if the shoes of the other kid's parents are indeed those of someone raising a special needs child, or simply a spoiled one.

 

 

I think people are feeling their own personal story here and inserting it in to whichever character in this story it fits. Not that I don't think it is real....just using as example.

 

I see that often here. A situation comes up and no one has a clue of what actually happened so you tend to feel yourself in that situation as one of the people in it. I don't know if I'm making sense...

 

I used to be shocked by things like in the original post. Then I grew up and realized not everyone is like me. Now I don't really look much in to things.

 

I do think this has rather gone off the deep end. At first I thought it was rude to judge the little while it's ok for the older to say something back. The OP clarified and I don't think it's as big of a deal as I really thought. She says she shushed him. She clearly wants to teach her son different things and fine. I don't have to agree though. I don't teach girls vs boys. That is what really bugs me.

[Impish]

You are correct, we all know nothing about these people, and never will.

 

The behaviour sounds so extreme, though, that I doubt he was normal

Uh, I've known some pretty extreme kids, and they most assuredly were NOT special needs.

 

In need of parents that were willing to tell them 'no' once in a while, but absolutely neurotypical.

[Impish]

I don't teach girls vs boys. That is what really bugs me.

Ha! I go one step further.

 

Not only do I *not* teach the boys vs girls gig, but I *also* teach my kids that if they take a poke at someone, they absolutely should be ready to be poked back. Period.

[momtokea]

Uh, I've known some pretty extreme kids, and they most assuredly were NOT special needs.

 

In need of parents that were willing to tell them 'no' once in a while, but absolutely neurotypical.

 

Uh, were they your own kids? Because if they weren't there is no way you could know confidential information about someone else's child.

 

I taught special ed., several years with "behaviour disordered" children, and I know that problems go a lot deeper than you will ever know because it's confidential and no one's business.

[Impish]

Uh, were they your own kids? Because if they weren't there is no way you could know confidential information about someone else's child.

 

I taught special ed., several years with "behaviour disordered" children, and I know that problems go a lot deeper than you will ever know because it's confidential and no one's business.

How about providing a licenced day home? Yeah, I *did* have info like that, b/c parents gave it to me, in order to provide the proper atmosphere for their kidlets.

 

And, I dunno about you, but when I'm good friends w/someone, spending time w/them and their kiddo, yeah, it DOES come up and get discussed. Esp if you're good enough friends to be commiserating about being in the parenting trenches, etc.

 

Not assumptions about kids on the street, talking about kids who I've known over the yrs, known the parents, worked for, etc.

[TranquilMind]

TM I have also wondered about that irritating bolding.

 

Why, thank you. Glad I'm not the only one that noticed. And since we are so different on so many points, it is interesting that you noted the same thing. ;)

[TranquilMind]

I've always used a bold font. Nothing new.

 

Um, so? It's still aggravating, and requires everyone else to unbold and then bold or highlight something when responding.

 

It's always been aggravating. How 'bout I adopt this font and size as my normal?

 

Irritating? Um, yeah.

[newlifemom]

Um, so? It's still aggravating, and requires everyone else to unbold and then bold or highlight something when responding.

It's always been aggravating.

 

Ummmm wow. :001_huh:

[Mrs Mungo]

Um, so? It's still aggravating, and requires everyone else to unbold and then bold or highlight something when responding.

 

It's always been aggravating. How 'bout I adopt this font and size as my normal?

 

Irritating? Um, yeah.

 

Plenty of people have annoying posting habits. If it bothers you enough, then you can put them on ignore. It is a fantastic feature. Most of the people on mine are people I think are crazy and/or excessively rude.

[SKL]

The reason people are talking about "maybe special needs" is that we know of people who have been hurt by judgments of their special needs kids. The judgments stem from the same root as the OP's and her sons's comments. Comparing what we see to what we expect from a neurotypical kid having a normal day.

 

I've certainly done this myself, but reading a lot on sites like this has made me a bit more aware of the variety of situations out there.

 

It helps to just always remember that a child you don't know "might" have special needs. It just makes for a more relaxed and kinder approach to things that don't go as we expect them to.

 

Probably my meanest thought about other people's kids is "I'm glad I don't have to take that child home and deal with him 24/7." I do think this thought a lot. Then I remember to thank God for my blessings. In the adoption community, I have seen how things can get difficult through no fault of the parents.

[SKL]

Plenty of people have annoying posting habits. If it bothers you enough, then you can put them on ignore. It is a fantastic feature. Most of the people on mine are people I think are crazy and/or excessively rude.

 

You mean I haven't made that cut yet? :D

[justLisa]

Um, so? It's still aggravating, and requires everyone else to unbold and then bold or highlight something when responding.

 

It's always been aggravating. How 'bout I adopt this font and size as my normal?

 

Irritating? Um, yeah.

 

THere are so many more hilariously irritating things wrong besides the size and color of the FONT.

 

Wow, if it were not so pathetic I might be either amused or irritated. But it's just too :lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

Wow, I am normally not so petty :tongue_smilie:

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Um, so? It's still aggravating, and requires everyone else to unbold and then bold or highlight something when responding.

 

It's always been aggravating. How 'bout I adopt this font and size as my normal?

 

Irritating? Um, yeah.

 

I like it when people use different fonts. It's a bit like an avatar, personal. :leaving:

[justLisa]

Plenty of people have annoying posting habits. If it bothers you enough, then you can put them on ignore. It is a fantastic feature. Most of the people on mine are people I think are crazy and/or excessively rude.

 

 

Yup.

[Mrs Mungo]

You mean I haven't made that cut yet? :D

 

Disagreeing with me on a regular basis doesn't make you crazy...just wrong. ;) :lol: kidding, kidding...