What are the responsibilities of parents to their adult, as in fully grown, dc?

[Murphy101]

There may not be an official responsibility, but a parent who shuts an adult child out of their life for no reason, other than "because you're 18 and I don't have to have a relationship with you anymore", needs a mental health evaluation. I realize this whole concept was in reference to a previously unknown child (which is more complicated, obviously), but if that standard applies to raised children as well, there would have to be serious issues in one or both parties for that relationship to end.

 

Every parent I know that has severed ties with an adult child (that is not dangerous or needing tough love) has been mentally ill, an addict, or an alcoholic. If there were multiple siblings, the ones who were also ill or addicted became "golden children" and the college-bound kids were shut out.

 

Does not feeling responsible for an adult child mean they are shut out of their life? I wasn't automaticly leaping to that opinion. If anything, I have seen the opposite. A parent refuses to be be whatever the adult child determines is responsible for them and the adult child shuts out the parent they no longer have a use for. The parent still wants a relationship, they just don't want to be responsible for someone that should be responsible for themselves.

 

I would hesitate to assume that no longer feeling responsible for someone means they are severing ties with that person.

[Crimson Wife]

One adult is not responsible in any way to another adult, unless they are married and entered into a legally binding contract. You owe your parents NOTHING, it was their job to raise you. You owe your children nothing, you raised them and now they are adults and their life is their responsibility.

 

Wow, I could not disagree with the above statement more. It just goes so against my beliefs as a Christian.

 

The Bible teaches in Sirach 3:12: "O son, help your father in his old age".

 

Families have obligations to help each other out as much as they can. Now sometimes the most helpful thing is to NOT enable a relative's self-destructive behavior, but the guiding principle should be concern for the relative's well-being.

[BarbecueMom]

Does not feeling responsible for an adult child mean they are shut out of their life? I wasn't automaticly leaping to that opinion. If anything, I have seen the opposite. A parent refuses to be be whatever the adult child determines is responsible for them and the adult child shuts out the parent they no longer have a use for. The parent still wants a relationship, they just don't want to be responsible for someone that should be responsible for themselves.

 

I would hesitate to assume that no longer feeling responsible for someone means they are severing ties with that person.

 

My parents do not feel responsible for me (no financial support, help with us or the kids is strictly their choice), but they do feel they have the responsibilty to maintain a relationship with me. By "zero responsibility", I meant they could completely end their contact with me for no reason if they wanted to.

 

Sure, they have that choice. I'd be calling a therapist if my parents or DH made that decision, though.

[RoundAbout]

If my adult child were permanently and seriously disabled (quadriplegic, terminal illness, etc.) I would feel a deep responsibility to take care of them to the extent that I was able, even though there is no legal requirement.

 

If they died and still had minor children of their own, I would also feel a sense of responsibility to step in and help if needed.

 

Aside from that I can't think of anything that would be a responsibility - legally or otherwise.

[Impish]

haven't read all the responses.

 

To be there, for love, support, and guidance as needed/requested. To stil be a safe place to fall/be when needed.

 

I don't know if those are responsibilities, but it's what I wish I had.

 

Somewhere to turn to share stories of family, to still have an ongoing positive relationship. To invest, emotionally in the adult child and any children they have. To continue to cheer accomplishments, and give support when things don't go well.

[Isabella]

Wow, I could not disagree with the above statement more. It just goes so against my beliefs as a Christian.

 

The Bible teaches in Sirach 3:12: "O son, help your father in his old age".

 

Families have obligations to help each other out as much as they can. Now sometimes the most helpful thing is to NOT enable a relative's self-destructive behavior, but the guiding principle should be concern for the relative's well-being.

 

Which Bible do you use?? I've never heard of Sirach before. BTW, I agree with your sentiments!

 

ETA: Never mind - I just googled it.

Edited July 19, 2012 by Isabella

[justamouse]

What if you have a difficult to love child. What if your relationship with that child does not lead to feelings of desiring to have relationship. Then what do you do? Because despite all the good feelings generated when relationships go right, what do you do when they go wrong? Does the responsibility end?

 

I believe there's a story about that, it's called The Prodigal Son. I have one. I visited him in jail every week for a year. I adore him and help him as much as I can, though I won't enable him. He's making a slow turn around and our relationship, though far from healed, is slowly getting there. Had I cut him out? Well, I don't think that's a very loving response.

Edited July 19, 2012 by justamouse

[Murphy101]

Which Bible do you use?? I've never heard of Sirach before. BTW, I agree with your sentiments!

 

ETA: Never mind - I just googled it.

 

Catholic. It's one of several books removed by Protestants during the reformation.:)

[KnitWit]

I don't believe parents owe adult children money, as an inheritance, or when the parents are alive. In fact I see my friends who still get money from their parents as somehow childlike, and actually.....I'm scared to say this....but a little bit crippled. I won't be supporting adult children financially, but I might give them a gift of money, when I want to, out of choice not obligation.

 

I believe we are obligated to respect

their adulthood,

their partner,

their religion,

their political beliefs,

their choice of profession,

their parenting style

 

I will not feel obligated to celebrate holidays or birthdays with them, unless I want to. I will not feel like they should spend one hour more with me that they want to.

 

:iagree:

[amy g.]

Oh, Polly, THANK YOU!

 

I was starting to get angry that no one had quoted me yet, since I obviously have the right answer to this question.

 

I can now happily get on with my day!

[hsbaby]

I don't believe parents owe adult children money, as an inheritance, or when the parents are alive. In fact I see my friends who still get money from their parents as somehow childlike, and actually.....I'm scared to say this....but a little bit crippled. I won't be supporting adult children financially, but I might give them a gift of money, when I want to, out of choice not obligation.

 

I believe we are obligated to respect

their adulthood,

their partner,

their religion,

their political beliefs,

their choice of profession,

their parenting style

 

I will not feel obligated to celebrate holidays or birthdays with them, unless I want to. I will not feel like they should spend one hour more with me that they want to.

 

Well, I guess I'm in the child like camp then. My parents help us each month with part of our kids extra-curriculars. We never asked them and they have no responsibility to do so. They do so out of love. My children wouldn't be able to do all they do if not for their help. I am so grateful and plan to pay it forward to my grandchildren. I don't feel like a child....I could refuse their help so that what? My kids would miss out and other people would see me as a grown up? I think it's a blessing and everyone in my family does whatever they can to help one another out. We all have something we can offer others in our family (time, money, support, etc.) and we all give it freely. Maybe we don't have a legal responsibility, but I was raised with the moral responsibility to be there for your family. Reading this thread makes me feel SO lucky to be a part of my family!

[Caroline]

I don't believe parents owe adult children money, as an inheritance, or when the parents are alive. In fact I see my friends who still get money from their parents as somehow childlike, and actually.....I'm scared to say this....but a little bit crippled. I won't be supporting adult children financially, but I might give them a gift of money, when I want to, out of choice not obligation.

 

I believe we are obligated to respect

their adulthood,

their partner,

their religion,

their political beliefs,

their choice of profession,

their parenting style

 

I will not feel obligated to celebrate holidays or birthdays with them, unless I want to. I will not feel like they should spend one hour more with me that they want to.

 

 

:iagree: (Is your day better because I quoted you, too?)

[KnitWit]

Oh, Polly, THANK YOU!

 

I was starting to get angry that no one had quoted me yet, since I obviously have the right answer to this question.

 

I can now happily get on with my day!

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[pixeldog]

My parents have always been there for me. Something breaks at home and dh can't fix it? My dad runs over. I had a bad day and just want to cry? My mom is there to listen. An unexpected financial burden we can't afford? Yup, they will help out with that too. These may not be their responsibilities by law or according to other people, but I feel darn lucky that THEY feel these are there responsibilities. And you better believe I plan to pay it all forward to my children. My kids will always be my babies. I feel like it IS my responsibilty (and one that I take on happily) to do everything I can to support, love them, and help them as much as I can.

 

This is not the relationship I have with my parents, but the one I want to have with my own children!

[KnitWit]

Well, I guess I'm in the child like camp then. My parents help us each month with part of our kids extra-curriculars. We never asked them and they have no responsibility to do so. They do so out of love. My children wouldn't be able to do all they do if not for their help. I am so grateful and plan to pay it forward to my grandchildren. I don't feel like a child....I could refuse their help so that what? My kids would miss out and other people would see me as a grown up? I think it's a blessing and everyone in my family does whatever they can to help one another out. We all have something we can offer others in our family (time, money, support, etc.) and we all give it freely. Maybe we don't have a legal responsibility, but I was raised with the moral responsibility to be there for your family. Reading this thread makes me feel SO lucky to be a part of my family!

 

 

Unless you are revealing something you observe about yourself, I wanted to point out that Amy clearly said "In fact I see my friends..." so really there is no need to take offense. Not *everyone* who receives money from their parents is like that, but SOME are. She was thinking of a specific group which she has witnessed, as was I. No offense need be taken. :)

[m0mmaBuck]

I don't believe parents owe adult children money, as an inheritance, or when the parents are alive. In fact I see my friends who still get money from their parents as somehow childlike, and actually.....I'm scared to say this....but a little bit crippled. I won't be supporting adult children financially, but I might give them a gift of money, when I want to, out of choice not obligation.

 

I believe we are obligated to respect

their adulthood,

their partner,

their religion,

their political beliefs,

their choice of profession,

their parenting style

 

I will not feel obligated to celebrate holidays or birthdays with them, unless I want to. I will not feel like they should spend one hour more with me that they want to.

 

:iagree:

[8circles]

Does not feeling responsible for an adult child mean they are shut out of their life? I wasn't automaticly leaping to that opinion. If anything, I have seen the opposite. A parent refuses to be be whatever the adult child determines is responsible for them and the adult child shuts out the parent they no longer have a use for. The parent still wants a relationship, they just don't want to be responsible for someone that should be responsible for themselves.

 

I would hesitate to assume that no longer feeling responsible for someone means they are severing ties with that person.

 

I've never seen this happen except in instances where the parent has never fulfilled their responsibilities to the child & the child finally realizes it as an adult.

[amy g.]

Hsbaby, if your parents provide support for their grandchildren's activities out of love as a free choice, that sounds like a very beautiful and ideal family.

 

I can not agree that it is a moral obligation but that is okay.

 

I really should have said, "My friends who still ASK their parents for money"

 

That is really what I meant.

[hsbaby]

Unless you are revealing something you observe about yourself, I wanted to point out that Amy clearly said "In fact I see my friends..." so really there is no need to take offense. Not *everyone* who receives money from their parents is like that, but SOME are. She was thinking of a specific group which she has witnessed, as was I. No offense need be taken. :)

 

I wasn't offended at all....I may not be a friend, but I will happily join the child like camp if it means my parents help me out financially if they want to/have the ability:). I can't wait to help out my kids when they are a young family. I think sometimes things come off differently on a message board than if they were spoken.....truly nor offended and very happy with my family relationships!

[hsbaby]

Hsbaby, if your parents provide support for their grandchildren's activities out of love as a free choice, that sounds like a very beautiful and ideal family.

 

I can not agree that it is a moral obligation but that is okay.

 

I really should have said, "My friends who still ASK their parents for money"

 

That is really what I meant.

 

You're right, it is not a moral obligation for the general public. I just meant that for me, personally, it is. Not that my parents have the obligation ( or even the expectation) to help me, but that I feel the moral obligation and desire to financially help out my kids when they have families.....just because that's how my family has done it for generations. It's been a blessing for me and my kids and I hope dh and I can do the same:)

[KnitWit]

I wasn't offended at all....I may not be a friend, but I will happily join the child like camp if it means my parents help me out financially if they want to/have the ability:). I can't wait to help out my kids when they are a young family. I think sometimes things come off differently on a message board than if they were spoken.....truly nor offended and very happy with my family relationships!

 

I'm very glad. I often see people here take posts that are written in reference to real life experiences by a person and apply them to themselves (even though the poster cannot know them) and take offense. On the flip side, there are plenty of posters here who apply their life experiences to *everyone* so I wanted to clarify! :)

 

Like Amy, I would also clarify reference to *asking*. I would actually take it a step further and say the people I'm thinking of have an attitude of entitlement and *demand* the help. (Help is an odd term too. Not all of them *need* it...but feel they deserve it...and yes, those are basically their own words, not my assumptions.)

[justamouse]

Well, I guess I'm in the child like camp then. My parents help us each month with part of our kids extra-curriculars. We never asked them and they have no responsibility to do so. They do so out of love. My children wouldn't be able to do all they do if not for their help. I am so grateful and plan to pay it forward to my grandchildren. I don't feel like a child....I could refuse their help so that what? My kids would miss out and other people would see me as a grown up? I think it's a blessing and everyone in my family does whatever they can to help one another out. We all have something we can offer others in our family (time, money, support, etc.) and we all give it freely. Maybe we don't have a legal responsibility, but I was raised with the moral responsibility to be there for your family. Reading this thread makes me feel SO lucky to be a part of my family!

 

I wasn't offended at all....I may not be a friend, but I will happily join the child like camp if it means my parents help me out financially if they want to/have the ability:). I can't wait to help out my kids when they are a young family. I think sometimes things come off differently on a message board than if they were spoken.....truly nor offended and very happy with my family relationships!

 

 

That's the way we feel about it, too. And, apparently we've got generations of children. :D My grandparents helped my parents, his parents and grandparents helped him. We can't wait to pay it forward.

[duckens]

Legally, parents have no responsibilities towards their adult children.

 

Morally, parents (as family members who allegedly "love" their chldren) should

 

--love them, some days "because of" and some days "in spite of"; Love them for who they are rather than who you wish they were. If you choose to judge them, do so on the basis of whether they are a good human being (are they kind to others? do they follow the law? are they honest in their dealings?) instead of the rules of a specific code of conduct that you choose to follow.

 

--protect them, especially if they are sick or in an "at risk" situation

Example: if your daughter is living with an abusive man for the sake of a place to live while going to college, give her other options.

 

--advocate for them, if they are unable to advocate for themselves.

Example: If your child is sick and being treated unfairly and illegally by her school or employer, step in and start stating the law. Help with a lawyer if you need to.

 

--advise them; parents have more experience about life and how our society works.

Example: if your child comes home from work with a 2nd or 3rd degree burn the size of a can of soup, tell them about "workers comp" and "OSHA" so they can get some medical care instead of advocating for the employer.

 

--give them the best start possible; it is much more difficult for young people to get a good start in life now than it was a generation or two ago. Understand that the cost of a college education has skyrocketed and wages have fallen. Understand that housing is MUCH higher than a generation ago. Give them every opportunity to get through college debt free.

Example: Don't tell your kids at age 18 that if they don't pay rent, they will be out on the street. If your kid is working 2-3 jobs while going to school AND pulling down good grades, consider maybe "the work ethic of the younger generation" is not why your child can't finish school.

 

--respect their opinions and ideas; remember that they are not 13 years old anymore, and they may have good reasons, or even EVIDENCE for why their ideas don't mimic yours exactly. Listening is a good idea.

 

Yeah, btdt with my parents.

 

BUT

 

I get a second chance at a parent-child relationship.

[Mom23Boys]

I feel like parents do have a responsibility not to get in the way of their child's future. For example, I think they are responsible to give the info needed for the FAFSA (is that what it is called?). I don't think they should be required to actually pay for college, but to not get in the way of any grants or loans their child may need to get.

 

I actually do hope we can at least help with our kids college. We plan to as much as possible. I also hope we have the supportive, close relationship with our kids. We enjoy that with my DH's parents and it is such a blessing.

[Mommyfaithe]

So let's say your parents could not get off work and or didn't have money to help you out - would they have been failing in their responsibility to you? Do you feel that a parent that can't do that for their adult child is not fulfilling their responsibilities?

 

:bigear:

There are times when I am not sure whether to run to the rescue or hang back because of obligations to my younger kids and our family business. Quite honestly, my parents did very little to help us. I know they loved us....and wanted the best for us, but would not physically help us. Dh's dad and step-mom helped us on many occasions with money, time, etc.

 

I would like to know how others feel about parents who are still trying to have some financial success themselves....who would like to have their adult children be a part of a reciprocity...not just receivers, but givers too.

 

Now, I am willing to do pretty much anything to help out my kids...with money, giving them a job in our company, buying them clothes, paying for dental work, lending my car etc., etc., etc......but I also expect them to work hard for themselves, try to hold it together the best they can....and help me out with the little guys once in a while.

[Mommyfaithe]

I wouldn't touch this with a ten foot pole, or whatever the cyber metrics. :auto:

 

:lol::lol:

[Mommyfaithe]

I haven't read all the responses.

 

One adult is not responsible in any way to another adult, unless they are married and entered into a legally binding contract. You owe your parents NOTHING, it was their job to raise you. You owe your children nothing, you raised them and now they are adults and their life is their responsibility.

 

Hopefully, you have a nice and mutually satisfying relationship as adults. But that's a choice that both sides need to make because they want to. Not out of false guilt and obligation.

 

At what point does the responsibility of "raising" end? At what point is the responsibility over??

[Impish]

i find it interesting that so many say there's no responsibility, etc.

 

Yet, when someone makes the decision to cut off communication w/a parent, the comments about how you only get one parent, you need to forgive, etc, etc, etc certainly seems to imply that there is indeed a responsibility there, that adult children do owe their parents for their existance, if nothing else.

 

Interesting.

[Retired]

No, the responsibility doesn't end just because you don't feel like being a parent. Even when your children are making terrible choices, you are still their parent.

 

 

I feel it is my responsibility to *love* all of my children all of my life. No matter their ages, behavior, or needs. I will love them through my actions and I will love them with my emotions - even if they make that difficult or impossible. That is what I strive for as a parent, that they may see a reflection of God's love for them through me.

 

:iagree:

[amy g.]

Well, considering the fact that I have not had contact with my mother for over 14 years, I think I'm pretty consistent in my belief that there is no moral obligation to maintain a relationship.

 

Fortunately, I really enjoy who my children are. I'll just have to watch my behavior and how I treat them, and they may choose to be around me after they turn 18 and are no longer obligated to do so.

[jrn]

i find it interesting that so many say there's no responsibility, etc.

 

Yet, when someone makes the decision to cut off communication w/a parent, the comments about how you only get one parent, you need to forgive, etc, etc, etc certainly seems to imply that there is indeed a responsibility there, that adult children do owe their parents for their existance, if nothing else.

 

Interesting.

 

 

:iagree:

[Murphy101]

i find it interesting that so many say there's no responsibility, etc.

 

Yet, when someone makes the decision to cut off communication w/a parent, the comments about how you only get one parent, you need to forgive, etc, etc, etc certainly seems to imply that there is indeed a responsibility there, that adult children do owe their parents for their existance, if nothing else.

 

Interesting.

 

I don't *think* I have ever said that.

 

I do think that as basic humanity overtures of mercy, it's a good general idea.

 

Well, considering the fact that I have not had contact with my mother for over 14 years, I think I'm pretty consistent in my belief that there is no moral obligation to maintain a relationship.

 

Fortunately, I really enjoy who my children are. I'll just have to watch my behavior and how I treat them, and they may choose to be around me after they turn 18 and are no longer obligated to do so.

 

I pray every day that i will be privledged to have grown children who love me and want to have me in their lives as much as I want them in mine. I will cry bitter broken tears at my own failure as their mother if they don't.

 

I have very little contact with my family. No bitterness or hard feelings anymore. I just recognize they are toxic and I don't want my marriage or my kids poisoned by it. They aren't going to change and they never cared much about me. Basically, I don't feel there was a relationship there to end. It was more about accepting there likely never would be a relationship. I know at least one of them feels very differently, but there isn't much I can do about that.

 

That said, when my mother needed someone to care for her during her dying of cancer, no one had to ask if she could stay with me. I wouldn't have left a stranger to die alone and I sure wouldn't leave my mother to do so. It didn't have anything to do with how she raised me or our relationship (we were not at all close and I don't think she ever wanted me). It wasn't about her. It was about me not wanting to be the person who would refuse anyone, much less family, an act of mercy. I have not heard from my dad in months. If he showed up, I'd make room at the table for as long as he could treat us with at least polite respect.

[Mimm]

I don't believe parents owe adult children money, as an inheritance, or when the parents are alive. In fact I see my friends who still get money from their parents as somehow childlike, and actually.....I'm scared to say this....but a little bit crippled. I won't be supporting adult children financially, but I might give them a gift of money, when I want to, out of choice not obligation.

 

I believe we are obligated to respect

their adulthood,

their partner,

their religion,

their political beliefs,

their choice of profession,

their parenting style

 

I will not feel obligated to celebrate holidays or birthdays with them, unless I want to. I will not feel like they should spend one hour more with me that they want to.

 

So what I'm getting from this thread is that parents don't owe adult children anything but the respect one gives another adult to lead their own lives. Yet in the other thread, people were absolutely horrified that people would choose not to be in the life, not of a child that they raised, but a child they never even knew existed. :confused:

[Crimson Wife]

Catholic. It's one of several books removed by Protestants during the reformation.:)

 

Sirach and the other "Apocryphal" books are in my mom's Episcopalian Bible. So it's not all of the Protestant denominations that exclude them.

[swellmomma]

Responsibility as far as legally? none.

 

BUT when it comes to my own children I do see my obligations/responsibilities to them stopping on their 18th birthday. I don't have any money to financially support them as adults, but my unwaivering support will be there for them otherwise. A shoulder to cry on, a warm bed to crash in, a fist to beat any man that hurts my little girl (even if she is 40 and not so little). I see it to be my responsibility to be the matriarch of our family, like someone else mentioned the keeper and teller of the stories, the one they can turn to without a doubt at 4 am and the baby is crying and they don't know what to do. The one to drop everything and be at their side when they need me or want me there and sometimes even when they don't (supposing an intervention type situation). I see it as my responsibility to be a good gramma and spoil my grandbabies and send them back on home, to smack my son upside the head if he is being a barely there father, and to tell my daughter she doesn't need to do everything alone. To celebrate and honor the marriages they will one day have and try not to be a monster in law (unless the dil/sil deserve it). And maybe even to host Sunday dinner for everyone each week.

 

My own parents don't offer all that, they opt for the financial help. Like buying this house. I pay the mortgage each month and make a payment to them every month for the downpayment, but without their help I could not have ever owned a home. My car too, when my van broke down my dad bought me my new car, again paying it back, but without their help I wouldn't have a safe way to take my kids to appts etc (no public transport in a tiny rural village). They also suprise me with groceries, or other items they know I need but can't afford. I don't ask for these things they just do it. I asked my mom why once since it is not their responsibility to support me. Her response no it isn't, but as the grandmother of these kids it is her responsibility to make sure their mom has what is necessary to take care of them.

 

The one thing I wish my parents did that I intend to with my kids is instead of supporting financially, supporting emotionally. My parents were/are not the type to say they love you, or are proud of you, or to listen when you jsut need a shoulder, or to be at special events when they are invited (such as my baptism-which my parents refused to attend because they wanted to go out dancing). They are not responsible for being my emotional supporter but I wish they felt like they should be kwim.

 

I want my kids to know their whole lives not jsut under the age of 18 that I am proud of them, and love them, and would be at anything they want me to be etc just becuase it is important to them.

[Zebra]

There are states that require family members to support their adult relatives rather than giving them governmental assistance. I'd call that a responsibility.

 

WOW! I had no idea. That is DISGUSTING.

[Murphy101]

Sirach and the other "Apocryphal" books are in my mom's Episcopalian Bible. So it's not all of the Protestant denominations that exclude them.

 

Sorry for not being thoroughly accurate in my brevity. You are of course correct. :)

[Dory]

there are waaaayyy to many replies to this already for me to take the time to read them all right now, but I thought I'd add something to this all the same. I don't have a great relationship with my parents, and I think that I am less than what I could be if I did have one. I watch my best friend who has an excellent relationship with her dad. If she is unsure about something, she calls her dad, if she needs encouragement, she calls her dad. Her dad is actively involved in her kids lives. She is not unable to function without daddy there holding her hand by any means. She manages a store, holds down a full time job, is on numerous boards in the community and is a frequent face at the primary school as well as having her own photography business, but her dad is her biggest fan, and a huge supporter. I see the way he's been there for her, and how it's given her that extra boost to do things sometimes when the going has been rough, and I wonder how many times I might not have fallen apart, if I had had that support in my life. Oh well, I'll never know I guess, but when I think of what my responsibility is to my kids when they are grown, that's what I see. Someone who continues to support them (even if it's a kick in the but once in awhile) to reach their potential.

[mommaduck]

There are states that require family members to support their adult relatives rather than giving them governmental assistance. I'd call that a responsibility.

What states and under what circumstances?

[mommaduck]

Wow, I could not disagree with the above statement more. It just goes so against my beliefs as a Christian.

 

The Bible teaches in Sirach 3:12: "O son, help your father in his old age".

 

Families have obligations to help each other out as much as they can. Now sometimes the most helpful thing is to NOT enable a relative's self-destructive behavior, but the guiding principle should be concern for the relative's well-being.

:iagree: