any advice for this situation?

[Only me]

I would appreciate input from both sides of this dilema. On my dh's side of the family my dd is the oldest girl at 16. At family get-to-gethers my ds (10) hangs out with his two boys cousins who are close in age. My two oldest nephews (17 and 20) usually hang out together and play video games, etc. That leaves my two daughters (16 and 13) and my youngest niece who is 5.

 

Unless there is any activity going on such as swimming my dd's usually bring their Zune or Nintendo DS to occupy their time. My niece never brings toys or games and hangs out with my daughters. The problem is that she expects my girls to give up their Nintendo DS. I realize that my girls are older and they really don't mind sharing but what usually happens is my niece plays it the whole time and my girls sit there with nothing to do. Also several times my dd has had to erase files on her game so that my niece can create new ones. If my niece doesn't understand the game or if one of my girls asks for a turn she starts crying. Last year my niece actually got a Nintendo DS for Christmas (an expensive gift for a 4 year old in my opinion). Anyway, she would always forget to bring it with but now she has actually lost it.

 

Yesterday we were over at my inlaws and my sil heard my niece crying. She came marching into the room and demanded to know why her dd was crying. She pretty much accused my dd of making her cry. What really happened is that she couldn't get the game to work right so she started to have a tantrum.

 

My dd's love taking care of kids and are great babysitters. Up until recently they have also enjoyed spending time with their younger cousin. The problem is that this girl has become a real terror. Her parents always let her get her own way. If they say no and she starts crying they just give in. She even gets away with hitting adults and kids a like. Ironically they have an older son (20) who has no responsibility when it comes to his younger siblings. Also there is no way that they would expect their son to play with my son who is 10 even though there is the same age difference as my dd and my niece. They would never expect him to share his Ipod or even to give my son a turn on the video games.

 

My dh says that next time dd should just say no to my niece and not let her play. I know this is going to cause problems. My dd thinks that the adults will feel that she is being selfish and that she should share and give in because she is older.

 

I would really like feedback especially from someone with a child about the age of my niece. What would you expect in this situation?

 

By the way, during the summer we have fairly frequent get-to-gethers so this isn't just a once or twice a year thing. If that were the case I think it would be easier for my kids to just put up with it.

[lynn]

I would call sil and tell her to bring some toys for her daughter so she has something to do and your girls can play their games without their dd crying because she does not understand your dd games.

[Jen500]

Well, my kids are younger, and I wouldn't expect another relative to 'hand over' an electronic game to them. I would make sure they had their own entertainment if they needed something. Maybe you could bring along a cheaper electronic game for your niece's use (just for the visit). Or maybe your girls should just bring a good book to read for the next few visits, and then try bringing the games in the future and not letting the niece use them.

[PiCO]

I would appreciate input from both sides of this dilema.

 

OK, I guess I'm another side altogether-

 

I don't let my kids play electronic games or watch movies/TV when we are visiting with relatives. I do make exceptions if we are visiting for more than one day, but screen time is definitely limited with company. I guess I don't understand the point of a visit if each child is basically isolated and playing by themselves with video games.

 

If another toy were the problem, I would ask sil to bring toys to entertain her 5 yo dd. I would tell dds to hang out with the boys their age, and get to know their cousins. That way, if 5 yo cousin wants to hang with the girls, her brothers are right there also and your girls can ask her brothers to bring 5 yo to her own mom.

[Gretchen in NJ]

IMHO

First:

It is his family, so he should handle it.

 

Second:

If your dh has told your dds that they are not allowed to share their game with their much younger cousin, then your dds are j*st obeying their father.

 

Thirdly:

I would ask dh to make it clear some way in front of sil that they are not allowed to share their game with their younger consin.

 

DH could say something like, "Remember what we discussed. You are not allowed to share you game with ______." He could say anyone or j*st not anyone under the age of X.

 

This way it takes the pressure off of you and your dds. Your sil might pick a fight with you over it, but not dh.

[Only me]

The men are usually watching TV. The women are usually sitting in the kitchen talking. The two older cousins are usually playing video games. The 3 boys (my 10 ds and his two cousins from different families are 9 and 10) are usually playing their own Gameboys or playing some boy game that my daughters have no interest in playing. My oldest dd will often suggest that all of the kids play something like a board game but no one else except for my son wants to. That leaves my daughters and their little cousin. Once in awhile my daughters will come and join in with the kitchen conversation but their younger cousin usually begs for them to play with her. Of course her idea of playing is using my daughter's Nintendo DS. Even when we've had parties at my niece's house and she has tons of toys to play with she refuses to do anything but play the video games.

 

Since none of the other parents will speak up and insist that their kids do something else besides video games then my daughters are usually left sitting without anything to do. In that situation I really don't mind that they bring along their Nintendo DS. I'm just not sure it is right that my sister-in-law expects my daughters to always give up their games.

[KellyGirl]

My kids are young, and I try not to expect anyone to responisble for entertaining them...not even me! I think they should be able to entertain themselves. If we are going someplace where that may be a challenge, I pack a little bag of toys and books (or ask them to put things in a bag for themselves). But, not everyone is like me.

 

If I were you, I would tell your girls that it is good to share and spend time with their cousin, but they shouldn't have to babsit and they shouldn't have to erase their own saved games to make room for hers.

 

I agree with PiCo that family get-togethers should ideally be a time for family to spend with each other. Can you maybe facilitate some games or different activities that lots of the kids could participate in together?

[Tracey in TX]

Your job is to parent your children. Let sil have the honor of parenting her DD. That means letting sil find ways to entertain her own child w/o expecting your girls to do it for her. They are still children themselves, despite being of babysitting age. If sil is willing to pay for childcare, then they might offer their DSs, otherwise let the child find ways to entertain herself. By relenting, sil is manipulating you much like DD is manipulating her own mom. I play hardcore and don't tolerate manipulation from others. Sorry if this seems harsh, but sil is relying on your girls to do her job.

 

Maybe you can offer her a Mike's while she plays cards and colors for hours with DD :)

[PiCO]

The men are usually watching TV. The women are usually sitting in the kitchen talking. The two older cousins are usually playing video games. The 3 boys (my 10 ds and his two cousins from different families are 9 and 10) are usually playing their own Gameboys or playing some boy game that my daughters have no interest in playing. My oldest dd will often suggest that all of the kids play something like a board game but no one else except for my son wants to. That leaves my daughters and their little cousin. Once in awhile my daughters will come and join in with the kitchen conversation but their younger cousin usually begs for them to play with her. Of course her idea of playing is using my daughter's Nintendo DS. Even when we've had parties at my niece's house and she has tons of toys to play with she refuses to do anything but play the video games.

 

Since none of the other parents will speak up and insist that their kids do something else besides video games then my daughters are usually left sitting without anything to do. In that situation I really don't mind that they bring along their Nintendo DS. I'm just not sure it is right that my sister-in-law expects my daughters to always give up their games.

 

Ugh. That's harder.

 

I think I would have dds bring books for a couple visits and see if that stems the tide. Maybe the 5 yo will bother one of the boys playing video games.

 

Or if your dds wanted to be really nice, they could bring a board game a 5-yo could play with them.

 

I've never been on either side of your situation, though because none of my neices and nephews are very much into video games. Lucky me!

 

Good luck!

[Murphy101]

I wouldn't make my kids give it to her. In fact, since she has shown irresponiblity with her own system, I'd flat out tell my kids they are not allowed to let anyone else play it. Those things are too expensive to let someone tear up or loose.

 

Altho I have to agree with a PP, we forbid electroics with company. The whole point is to be social, but I understand it is just that way with some people.

 

Oh and I wouldn't make my kids say it either. I'd firmly "remind" my girls about the new rule in front of the 5 yr old and her parents. At their ages it would be hard to stand up to the other adults and that way they don't have to worry about it. If she doesn't like your rule, then I'd simply say that it's an expensive item and you bought it for your daughter's use and if her daughter wants to play one then she should bring her own. If she mentions that it's lost or broke, you can simply say that's not a selling point for letting her use your dd's!:lurk5:

[Mom2GirlsTX]

I think there needs to be a distinction of babysitting their cousin or playing with their cousin. I think it has become that they are unpaid babysitters for your sil and they are not enjoying it . I would have dh talk to sil and tell him that she needs to bring along items for her daughter to enjoy and help occupy her as your daughters will not be allowed to share their ds's anymore.

[Only me]

You are so right about the manipulation. A few months ago my ds wanted to have his two cousins over for a sleepover. My dds have had a lot of sleepovers over the years and ds has been very understanding. This time I wanted the night to be for him.

 

My niece found out that her older brother was coming over to our house for a sleepover. She had a fit and begged her mom to let her sleepover at our house too. (We hadn't invited her). The parents had plans for that night and normally would have hired a sitter. They also have a 20 year old son living at home who is quite capable of watching his sister. Instead my sil called me and pretty much lied to me about how her son had to work that night. (I found out later that he was just out with friends). She also told me a sob story about how her daughter was crying because she wanted to be with my daughters.

 

We reluctantly gave in and needless to say it wasn't a very pleasant evening. She wanted to monopolize everything that the kids were doing. When we told her that the boys were going to use the video game system in the basement alone for awhile she had a fit. When we told her that she had to go to bed at 9:00 (the time her parents told us) and that my daughter would come in later she had a fit. She wanted my daughter come to sleep with her at 9:00. My dd ended up reading for awhile in her room until my niece fell asleep. The bottom line was that my niece wasn't ready to sleep over night away from her parents. (This was her first time). Her parents knew the way she was going to act. (She still sleeps with her parents every night) They don't like to see her crying so instead of telling her that she couldn't sleep over at our house they made us feel bad until we gave in.

 

My daughters have always been great about trying to entertain their little cousin and would often read to her or play with her when she was younger. Now that she is older and more demanding it has become a job rather than enjoyable. My daughters don't mind helping out a bit but from now on I'm not going to expect them to keep their cousin occupied for the whole time.

[Mom2GirlsTX]

Wow, the more info you give about your sil the more I think I would make sure my kids were "busy" when she wants you to watch the little cousin.

[Gretchen in NJ]

Your job is to parent your children. Let sil have the honor of parenting her DD. That means letting sil find ways to entertain her own child w/o expecting your girls to do it for her. They are still children themselves, despite being of babysitting age. If sil is willing to pay for childcare, then they might offer their DSs, otherwise let the child find ways to entertain herself. By relenting, sil is manipulating you much like DD is manipulating her own mom. I play hardcore and don't tolerate manipulation from others. Sorry if this seems harsh, but sil is relying on your girls to do her job.

 

Maybe you can offer her a Mike's while she plays cards and colors for hours with DD :)

:iagree: Great Idea.

[bettyandbob]

your dc are never going to have fond memories of their cousins. What actually goes on at these gatherings and how frequent are they. It sounds like no one is really interacting with your dd's for the afternoon. In that situation, I might be inclined to start skipping some of the family gatherings--just sending dh and the boys. I might be inclined to allow my dds to make other plans for the day while I went with dh and the boys.

 

If you are all going to continue going then I would stick with your dds not sharing. They should simply be allowed to say their father said they were not allowed to share and that was it. Then, their father should say yes they must obey his rule.

 

An additional step is to not hang around. If you know the meal is always at 2 pm, arrive at 1:45 and leave at 3.

 

Ideally, there would be no electronics and all cousins would hang together. But you aren't going to change that. Additionally, while all are hanging together one of the parents of the youngest children would be in close proximity (same room, in the backyard, etc) with all the children. That would mean your SIL. She should not be hanging out with the other women expecting free childcare.

[ereks mom]

Dh's parents have 4 children & 10 grandchildren:

The grandchildren include:

an infant (2 months old, so no issues there yet :)),

two older boys (ages 17 & 18),

three older girls (ages 12, 13 & 14),

and the two youngest boys (both age 3), and

two that are "the odd man out": an 8 year old girl and her 12 year old brother. These two DO. NOT. get along with each other (or with anyone else, most of the time). They are both extremely immature, and oh, so WHINY! The boy wants to hang out with the 17 & 18 year old boys, playing computer games or playing frisbee or catch in the back yard. They try to include him, but he gets upset and cries easily, and if he doesn't win the game or if he misses the ball, etc., he will tell his mom (my SIL, dh's brother's wife, who has "issues" of her own!) that the bigger boys are picking on him or calling him names (which I KNOW is NOT happening). Same story with his sister and the older girls. But SIL expects the older kids to "babysit" her kids -- and it has always been this way, even when her son was a toddler and the older boys were only 7 or 8 years old -- too young to be expected to take on a responsibility like that.

 

Dh & I have both talked with SIL about her kids' whining and lying, but it didn't do much good, so we finally wound up talking with her kids directly so they would know that their bad behavior would not be tolerated. Over time, the kids' behavior has begun to get a little better. We also have to constantly remind SIL that she should watch her own children and not expect the older kids to do it for her. It doesn't do much good, though, so we finally resorted to instructing our kids to tell her when she asks them to watch the littles that we said no.

 

As for your situation, I agree with the poster who suggested telling your kids they are not allowed to let anyone else play their games. And if necessary, talk with your SIL and her dd and explain how you feel.

 

Your SIL sounds a little like mine. I know this is so frustrating, and I hope you can get it resolved.

[Remudamom]

My girls are 15 and 14 and they have younger cousins. Problem is they adore the "big girls" and do whatever they're told, on pain of being shunned for bad behavior.

 

Ooh, so many fun options.

 

Tell your sil to mind her own child, you won't have your dds give up their games.

 

Give up and let her have her way.........nothing you do is going to change this brat.

 

Take out the batteries and hand the game over.

 

Don't bring anything and tell your dds to visit with the adults a few times. Then let sil deal with the screaming.

 

Tell sil your dds have a very contagious rash/cough/disease that can only be caught by very young children.

 

Have your dds fall down on the floor and pitch a screaming mimi everytime brat takes their games.

 

Wire the game with a remote so that your dds can shock the little darling everytime she touches the controls.

 

 

No really, I can tell you what I know my dds would do. They'd either share and be bored themselves or bring books for themselves. They're sweet, I don't know who their mother is.

 

I'd tell sil myself to muzzle the little brat. I've even got one I'd bring.

[bkpan]

We are talking about family. We make allowances for the differences between all of us. I am sure that my sil finds things about me and my dc that are annoying, but she is loving anyway. And we do the same. And if she wasn't loving, hopefully we still would be.

 

No. Way. would my dc be allowed to take solitary electronic games to family functions. They should be about play, spending time together, relating to one another. I wouldn't care if everyone else brought their own games. Mine wouldn't. Why be part of the problem?

 

Family comes above stuff. If the games are a problem, leave them home. Surely, they can go a day without playing them? Nothing to do? That is also the parents problem. Find things for the kids to do. Arrange outdoor activities, board games, whatever, but get involved. It is in your power to turn this entire situation around.

 

I hope that I don't sound harsh, just direct. I do understand why the little girl would be hurt that her brother was invited to her cousins and she wasn't. I don't understand the problem in having both children over. If her personality is annoying, help her to grow. She is your niece and that gives you a little room for input in her life. Make it positive and loving. It could help your dc's character to grow in the process. JMHO.

 

Kim

[kalanamak]

 

My dh says that next time dd should just say no to my niece and not let her play. I know this is going to cause problems. My dd thinks that the adults will feel that she is being selfish and that she should share and give in because she is older.

.

 

 

Have them take books, and let them do Nintendo during book-time at home.

[kribby]

no way would I make my girls give up there game. Tell your dd's to tell your neice that she can sit and watch them play they are in a middle of game and want to play it but she is more then welcome to watch them.

 

Also, if she starts crying you might want to tell sil that your daughters have been playing this for awhile and are getting along way and don't want to erase things.. But her dd can watch your dd's.

[Melissa in Australia]

Have your dds fall down on the floor and pitch a screaming mimi everytime brat takes their games.

 

.

 

not as silly as it sounds, my mum was babysitting some little brats for a few weeks, they through major tantrums all the time, my mum tried everything she could think of to stop them. after a few days of tantrums, she jumped down to the floor and threw one herself, feet kicking and everything. the kids were so shocked, they just stood there . they hadn't realized how silly they looked. she had no further problems with them.

[Annie N]

Oh, I hate those family messes!

 

Anyway, I agree with the poster who said to start avoiding the family get-togethers. What's the point if everyone is playing video games? It seems like it's just really for the older generation to get together without the "hassle" of the kids.

 

I'd invite the boy cousins over to play with my son, but not allow them to play video games. After a while, they'd learn to play together without the electronic aid.

 

You probably won't get anywhere with your SIL, but if you want to help your niece, invite her along, and consider it "training sessions." You are right nearby the whole time she is there, and she plays nicely with your daughters, who sound like they are nice girls who'd like to get along with her, and you discipline her as soon as she starts getting out of line, because you are teaching her how to behave when visiting at your house. Also be sure to have a separate time when she amuses herself for a bit, so that she won't expect to always have someone to play with when at your house. Maybe keep some special toys for that time.

 

 

Of course, you could invite the boys over only when your daughters have other plans. Oh, we'd love to have her but my daughters will not be here, so I'm afraid she wouldn't have any fun at all.

[Only me]

Hopefully our next party in August won't be a problem because the hosts have a pool. I've already suggested to my daughters that they don't bring their games just to see what happens. They are fine about just bringing books to read. It will be interesting to see if my niece throws a fit. I'm also going to encourage the boys to do something besides video games if the weather isn't nice. The problem is that one of the cousins likes to wrestle and gets very rough and I'd rather have him play video games then that. Hopefully we can convince them all to play a board game or something similar.

 

It hard because even though I have two nephews who are 17 and 20 my daughters are always the ones who are expected to entertain my niece. Quite honestly they've enjoyed this role until the past year when my niece has become very difficult. They would actually prefer to play little girl games with her (house, dolls, etc.) instead of video games but all this girl wants to do is play video games. Also of course after 5 hours they are getting a little tired of the behavior need a break. It's not like it is a babysitting job. I realize that this is their cousin and should spend time with her but I also think that she can spend time with the other cousins.

 

A few people suggested that I shouldn't resent having her for a sleepover. The problem is first of all that she wasn't invited. This was supposed to be a special night for my ds. The other problem is that my daughters are 16 and 13. This girl is 5. Obviously they aren't going to invite her over like they would girls their own age just like I wouldn't expect her older brother to invite my 10 year old son over. Last time we had her over and were going to go out to eat she had a screaming fit for over 20 minutes because she didn't want to go out to eat. At this point it is just too hard for us to handle and not something that I feel that my daughters should be forced to do.

[Chris in VA]

Part of me wants to say something smart alecky like Remu did (and I STILL can't rep her! How long do I have to WAIT?).

 

I'd say leave the games at home. While it's not your job or your kids' job to entertain the little beast, it is rather rude, in my book, to play single player video games when guests are over, and I find it even more rude to BE the guest and play them. What's the point of the get-togethers, anyway? If the kids aren't going to interact, leave them home.

 

If they don't bring the games, perhaps they could bring a simple craft that the little one could do, too--often my sil brings fun things to do when she visits with her dd, (who is not a beast by any stretch of the imagination, btw) and it's a good way to do something individual while you are talking together. Video games (single player, again) are so isolating.

 

As far as sil using your girls to babysit, how about just having the girls sit in on the adult conversation? You set the tone--you can have them describe what they are studying, or a place they've recently visited, or maybe even a TV show or movie they've seen. Now is the time to connect them to the WGC-- the Women's Great Conversation! Work to include them, not to steam your sil, but to help them make the transition to the adult world, and to polish their conversation skills.

 

They could talk for a little while, then maybe play a game. Blink is really fast, and can be played by multiple ages/sexes--perhaps a few rounds of Blink with ALL your kids and the 5 yo, then the girls can come back to the conversation, or do the craft, or whatever THEY want. They could play Bocci or another outdoor game, too--there are lots of games the whole family can play (multiple ages). Perhaps your family could start a new tradition, with even the adults playing together a bit. Small steps.

 

One other thing I noticed in your post. You are a patsy :D. Waaayyy too vulnerable to manipulation. Your sil knows you're a softy, and you let yourself give in--is it because she "punishes" you if you don't? Y'know, the silent treatment, or the snide remark about how SOME people have it so easy, or the "pity me" stuff--Hard to deal with, but deal you must. Think of some language you can "arm" yourself with for the next time she pulls something like she did with the slumber party. Practice, so it comes more naturally. After all, how easy would it have been to have simply said, "Oh, I'm sorry she's upset. I guess she's learning the world doesn't revolve around her! (you could leave that out, but I couldn't resist) We'll plan for her to come over another time. Tonight's just for the guys." Say she went on to say again how hurt dd was--"Yes, it's a hard thing, but she'll be ok. Tonight is just for the guys." More from her? "I understand. But tonight's just for the guys."

Short answers don't encourage elaboration--

 

Hang in there. Sorry you have to deal with her.

[Parrothead]

If the kids aren't going to interact, leave them home.

 

 

Are your girls old enough to be at home for a length of time? I wonder what SIL will do without the built-in family babysitters. :tongue_smilie: She might actually have to see about her child's entertainment.

[Rosie_0801]

not as silly as it sounds, my mum was babysitting some little brats for a few weeks, they through major tantrums all the time, my mum tried everything she could think of to stop them. after a few days of tantrums, she jumped down to the floor and threw one herself, feet kicking and everything. the kids were so shocked, they just stood there . they hadn't realized how silly they looked. she had no further problems with them.

 

 

Very "Mrs Piggle Wiggle!"

 

I would recommend your daughters pack a stash of cheap nail polish. That will keep small girls entertained nearly forever. Or like Chris in VA said, perhaps it's time for your daughters to join the "grown ups" table.

:)

Rosie

[Soph the vet]

I would not bring any electronic toys, period. Family get-togethers are to "get-together" not be isolated and self-absorbed, IMO. We have a cousin who only played video games every time the family got together when he was elementary age. He is now in high school and really struggles socially.

I do believe family habits can be changed. My dh's family is notorious for eating and sitting around telling stories at get-togethers. That's fine for the older adults but once grandchildren began to grace the party is was evident that a more active agenda be set for the time we were together. Now we go on a bike ride for Father's Day and we play games in the yard on other warm weather holidays. There are no iPods, Nintendos, or anything like that allowed. Even in winter (Minnesota mind you) we go out and have a snowball fight or go sledding. There are so many things the older kids can teach the younger in your situation, so many things that have nothing to do with electronic engrossment.

[Only me]

I actually agree with this. Of course I can enforce the rule with my kids but how can I get the rest of the cousins to agree. Actually during the summer it usually isn't a problem unless it is raining because the kids can swim or play baseball. Last weekend the problem was we were at the house for 8 hours. We had a cookout and then were waiting for the fireworks to begin. The kids played in the pool until 6:00 but then it got too cool. I would love ideas of inside games or activities that would even interest the older cousins (17 and 20) although the chances are slim to none that I would get them to participate.

 

My kids are the least video game addicted in the bunch but it's hard to convince the other kids to do something else. It was so pathetic on the 4th. My ds and his cousins and played in the pool all day but once they came inside after dinner they immediately went to video games. The fireworks were going to start and I told my son. He came out and was happy to watch the fireworks. His other cousins were begging him to come back in to play the video games. Luckily he didn't want to but I would have also enforced him to stay outside. I think you can tell that this group of cousins is addicted when the 5 year old even insists on playing.

 

I was just talking to my daughters last night about this. When my daughters were younger they would always bring a backpack full of toys when we were visiting relatives. When they were younger they would have dolls, Polly Pockets, board games, cards, etc. When the boys were younger they would even play along. Not that long ago my daughters could convince all of them to sit around playing cards. Now no one is interested. They'd much rather play the video games.

[kalanamak]

I Now no one is interested. They'd much rather play the video games.

 

 

Ugh, since this is family, and you are sort of stuck, you could try to work on coming a little bit late and leaving a little bit early, doing the books thing to get little miss I've not been taught my manners off their backs, or just plain old putting your foot down. If hubby won't get involved (and some family members are just trained to not cross that certain someone in the family), consider an emergency errand in the area or claim you have to take a daily walk or your back will start acting up and go for a walk with your girls.

 

If you don't want to confront directly, smile, smile, smile and be an unaccomadating as possible. Put on a "lets make the best of this sticky situation" face for your daughters. Maybe they have some creative ideas.

My friends as I lapsed into Goose Latin around one pesky little sister. Put an "IB" in front of the vowel of each syllable....

Eye-bye why-bent ty-boo thy-be sty-bore....I went to the store. We could follow each other fine, but she couldn't.

[Danestress]

I wouldn't worry about what all the other kids do, and I also wouldn't worry about entertaining my children past the age of 7 or 8. Mine would not take electronics under any circumstances. My boys are all readers, so that helps. I usually just say "bring a good book."

 

I'm glad my family isn't like this - with men off watching tv, women gathered in the kitchen, and children segregating by age and gender. It doesn't sound that fun, and I know it's probably not how you would design it either. Maybe before you go next time, you and your husband and kids need to have a little family strategy session for dealing with this better.

 

I would be trying to get DH up off the sofa to start a game with the kids or to do something fun - maybe take an ice cream churner or a woodworking project or make a trebucet or marshmallow launchers or SOMETHING that would be interesting for the kids generally. And I would talk to everyone about the needs of your niece. It would be so so hard to be her in this situation. Everyone else has someone near them in age and gender. I'm sure she's at loose ends, and I don't blame her for finding it very hard. The men are here, the women are there, the boys are huddled around the gameboy, and it makes sense to me that she's looking to your daughters. I would purposely plan something that she would like - 4th of july themed cup cake decorating or something that would keep her interested and engaged with you. She's your neice. Set aside some time to cultivate a relationship with her, and it will pay off in the long run.

[bkpan]

I wouldn't worry about what all the other kids do, and I also wouldn't worry about entertaining my children past the age of 7 or 8. Mine would not take electronics under any circumstances. My boys are all readers, so that helps. I usually just say "bring a good book."

 

I'm glad my family isn't like this - with men off watching tv, women gathered in the kitchen, and children segregating by age and gender. It doesn't sound that fun, and I know it's probably not how you would design it either. Maybe before you go next time, you and your husband and kids need to have a little family strategy session for dealing with this better.

 

I would be trying to get DH up off the sofa to start a game with the kids or to do something fun - maybe take an ice cream churner or a woodworking project or make a trebucet or marshmallow launchers or SOMETHING that would be interesting for the kids generally. And I would talk to everyone about the needs of your niece. It would be so so hard to be her in this situation. Everyone else has someone near them in age and gender. I'm sure she's at loose ends, and I don't blame her for finding it very hard. The men are here, the women are there, the boys are huddled around the gameboy, and it makes sense to me that she's looking to your daughters. I would purposely plan something that she would like - 4th of july themed cup cake decorating or something that would keep her interested and engaged with you. She's your neice. Set aside some time to cultivate a relationship with her, and it will pay off in the long run.

:iagree:

 

I think that this is good advice. I also feel sorry for that little girl. Try to imagine what it must be like for her.

 

Kim

[Ashleen]

I would never allow my kids to bring video games when they visit relatives and I would be extremely offended if my brother allowed his sons to. If you bring a video game to a social event, it should be the kind that hooks up to the TV and everyone can play. Otherwise it's rude.

[Ashleen]

If the problem was my brother's kids playing video games, I would say something to him. We live far away, so I would mention that we drove three hours to visit and I thought the kids would actually play together. This has not been a problem so far. All of the boys love video games, but when they get together, they play. Even if their cousins brought video games to a social event, I still wouldn't let my sons. Just because someone else is being rude doesn't mean they need to be.