Hannah Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I went with a friend to support her when she had to have her cat put to sleep. Her dh said he couldn't do it and greeted Katryn (with tears streaming down his face) when we got into the car. I don't think he wanted to show so much emotion in front of stranger's at the vet's practice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 My DH and oldest ds stayed when we had our dog put to sleep a few years ago. I would have gone as well but had to work that day and it is not easy for me to get off at the last minute. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 We always stay. They deserve it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 (edited) We will be facing this in the very near future with our beloved 13-year-old dog. We found her on the street as a puppy with no collar, flea ridden, and full of worms. We've loved her ever since and she has been the absolute best dog. She has severe arthritis and a large tumor that the vet hasn't been able to diagnose. I will absolutely be there for her. She has been the best companion and I will be right by her side when she takes her last breath. God Bless, Elise in NC Edited June 10, 2012 by speedmom4 grammatical mistake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Dh and I both stayed. I was also there when 2 of my grandparents passed and that was long before we had to put our dog down. I loved the dog and my grandparents very much and all of it was very difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BamaTanya Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 :grouphug: I'm sorry you're at this difficult time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I want to cry just thinking about it. I'm so sorry you're going through this. We had to put our sweet girl down 2 years ago (this month) and there is no way I could have left her alone. We went to the German vet rather than the one on post because they were so much more sympathetic (Germans love their dogs). They put the IV in (no meds) and let up take her out to a small private park they have behind the office and hold her for a while. When we were "ready" James Bond went and got the tech and she came out and put the meds in the IV and we held her until she passed, and a little while later. It was so very hard, but I was glad we were there for her and that we got to do it in a place that wasn't clinical. I'd say at least one of you should be there. They give you everything they have for as long as they're with you. I think in the end they deserve to be with someone they love. Good grief, now I'm bawling just thinking about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unscripted Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I would stay. I wouldn't want too. But if DH couldn't or wouldn't I would do it. I would have to be there for the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeannie in NJ Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 5 years ago we had to put our 2 14 year old cats to sleep within 3 weeks of each other. Dh, dd (11 years old at the time) and I were there. We were petting our cat and telling her that we loved her until the very end and then 3 weeks later we had to do the same thing with the other cat. The vet also cried both times as there was nothing else that could be done to prolong either cats lives. I am crying now just thinking about it. Those cats were my first babies, they were there for me when I went thru 4 infertility surgeries and when I lost my mom in a tragic accident. Those cats were there to comfort me so I would have never have not been there for them at the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Just two weeks ago we had to put our 14 yo lab to sleep. The vet came to our house. It was a beautiful day, so we put a pic-nic blanket in the shade in our backyard. My son (in PS) came home early from school, and the whole family surrounded him and pet him while the vet gave him the shots. It was horrible, hard, miserable for us - but I feel so good now that we were able to give Tonka that kind of last moment. ETA: it was in no way traumatic to watch - he simply laid his head in my lap and went to sleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I have stayed. I worked in an animal shelter for years. I actually held my cat while she was euthanized because I'd been trained to hold and knew how to do it correctly. I think it's a personal decision though. It's not pretty sometimes. Sometimes the vet misses a vein or doesn't give enough medicine. It happens. (And it happened in my case. Even though I knew what to expect, it was still horrible. My cat screamed. Ugh.) ETA: I don't think anyone is a coward for not wanting to be there. We all handle death differently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recovering Sociopath Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I would stay. I and my kids were visiting my parents when my Dad's beloved Boston Terrier died last year. The grief and anguish were exacerbated by my dad's refusal to take Murphy to to be PTS. I think perhaps he was in denial about how ill the dog had become. The dog died in the middle of the living room floor, and as soon as it became clear what was happening my mom and I both began to pet him and speak to him while my dad sat nearby and watched (my littles were in another room, thank goodness). Since he was unsedated and dying of kidney failure, it was not an easy death to watch. I am sure he suffered. I am also very glad that we were at least able to offer him the comfort of our hands and voices in his last moments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 People who don't stay with a pet while it's being put down are cowards. And selfish. ETA- I'm talking adults here, not children. I completely agree. Would YOU want to be dropped off at a scary place, manhandled by people you don't know, and then killed? Seriously. Big boy pants. astrid-- sorry, but this is a very hot button issue with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 We've had two cats and one dog put to sleep. Patrick was there for one of the cats and the dog, both his babies. I was there for the other cat simply because Patrick couldn't get off work to take him. It was awful. I hope I never have to do it again, but I'm sure I will. Patrick is much better at that stuff than I am. :grouphug: Sorry you're having to go through this. It's so hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NittanyJen Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I think it is a personal decision, and the person who does not stay needs to be reassured that he loves the pet just as much, and that you will keep the information private; he may think it's a challenge to his masculinity if you stay and he doesn't. My husband wanted to stay with our older cat, but our older child became very upset and left the room; my husband chose to comfort him instead. My younger son and I stayed with our cat. There is no correct/incorrect about this as long as you take the time to listen to why people feel how they feel and give them space to do what they need without assumptions or judgment. I am so sorry for the upcoming event. It is a difficult time even when all are in accord with one another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 DH and I are having a heated discussion about this. We need to put our dog down and I say one of us should be there. He says no. I will be there no matter what. What would you do? Why would he be heated over this. We stay. Of course we stay. If he is too squeamish for it, you can stay and he doesn't have to be heated about it. I even let kiddo stay, but we are medical/health/death oriented. (**ducking** in college I even dissected my dead pets, for experience) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 People who don't stay with a pet while it's being put down are cowards. And selfish. ETA- I'm talking adults here, not children. Indeed, when the vet asked if I wanted to leave, I told her: if I was too cowardly to stay, I'd be far too cowardly to admit it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary in VA Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I think someone the animal knows should stay with it. Both my dh and I stayed with our dog when we had to put her down. I stood by her head, pet her, and whispered in her ear how much we loved her and what a good dog she was. It was the least we could do for her. But if your dh isn't able to handle being there, don't force him. Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 (edited) I completely agree. Would YOU want to be dropped off at a scary place, manhandled by people you don't know, and then killed? Seriously. Big boy pants. astrid-- sorry, but this is a very hot button issue with me. I see your point here, and I know you feel strongly. But if euthanizing an animal played out this way, who would have it done at all? I wouldn't take my dog to a scary place, let people manhandle him, and then have him "killed." The image these words conjures only serve to make the already painful experience unbearable. I have never known a single vet who would allow an animal to suffer in this way. ETA: :grouphug: to you, OP. Staying with our beloved yellow lab when she died was one of the saddest experiences of my life but I wouldn't have done it any other way. I truly believe it would have been more difficult for me not to be there, and not fair to her either. It was very peaceful and I was grateful to be able to be with her, petting her and saying what a wonderful dog she had been as she passed. Edited June 10, 2012 by Alte Veste Academy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geo Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I stay, or husband stays, it's the right thing to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Um yeah. I agree. On a somewhat related note, I have always wondered why this is an acceptable practice for animals, but not people. I thought maybe it's because they give humans who are suffering lots of drugs. Although the drugs don't always work or they just make someone a vegetable anyway. That's how it was with my mother. She was gone long before she was gone and watching her suffer like that was horrible. Now that he is long, long gone, and I was a couple thousand miles away, I can say that my father asked me, when I was 19, if I would "do him in" if he was stuck somewhere demented and suffering. I thought about it, and decided that if I'd like someone to do it for me (and I would), I ought to have the courage to do it, law or no law. I agreed. I believe his words were something along the lines of: "Do you think you could find a way to end my life if I am helpless and suffering and not get caught?" As the years passed, and events happened in my life, he'd ask me "do we still have a deal?" now and then. I always said we did. Fortunately, when you get to 97, things tend to go quickly, and he did with only a couple doses of meds to help him sleep. But I was honored he asked me. We were like-minded, and he trusted my bravery and my word. I believe our bodies are the only things we actually own. Not our children, not our cars, not even our dogs. Just our bodies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsmamainva Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 We had to put our beloved 14 year old shepherd to sleep 6 years ago and we both stayed. We petted him and comforted him and told him what a good dog he was. It was the only time in 22 years of marriage that I've seen my husband cry. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I hate these kind of questions because they almost require a really heartless answer. Yes I would stay. I would stay because when I was sick that dog was there. When I hurt he was there forever loving me. I would stay because dogs sometimes stay long after an owner is already passed. I think it be cruel to let your loved one die alone on a cold metal table. I don't care that you can't handle it because thats life and life is hard and you better believe if you were sick that dog would be there right next to you and if you can't give it the same respect then you just don't deserve that dog. For the record I did stay. A scared 21 year old 6 months pregnant with #2. I stayed while he died of parvo. While he leaked blood and everything else from every opening in his body. I not only stayed I held him. The last thing he saw was his little girl. Yeah she stayed too cause there wasn't a **** person alive who could have taken us away from the dog that lived by her side. Our family members die at home too we don't send them off either Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I've worked palliative care. If I could be there, the last person someone saw as they died, holding their hand, and I wasn't a loved one, I can't imagine not doing that for a loved pet. But, I don't judge others who cannot make the same choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Um yeah. I agree. On a somewhat related note, I have always wondered why this is an acceptable practice for animals, but not people. I thought maybe it's because they give humans who are suffering lots of drugs. Although the drugs don't always work or they just make someone a vegetable anyway. That's how it was with my mother. She was gone long before she was gone and watching her suffer like that was horrible. :iagree:We recently had to euthanize one of our cats that was suffering from oral cancer. The kids had been through this before, but they were younger and didn't put as much thought into it. We told them that euthanizing Daniel was the most humane thing to do. We didn't want him to suffer. They then asked, "When are people euthanized?". I explained that they typically aren't. They looked at me in horror. "Do you mean we let humans suffer?!" Sorry to get off topic, but that was a hard discussion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsutsie Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Your pet is absolutely 100% committed to you until the very last beat of their little hearts. You should be there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Yeah, that always bugged me...being 'humane' to animals, putting them to sleep when there was nothing else that could be done to ease their suffering...yet we don't allow humans that option. But, I know ppl that have had animals put to sleep b/c they became a hassle, rather than medical need, so I don't doubt the same would happen to ppl as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Unfortunately, that isn't always possible. My mother wanted to die at home. There was just no way to get her home in the shape she was in. She would have died trying to get there. And my FIL had a massive heart attack, went into a comma, and died about a day later. He couldn't have been brought home in that state. I do understand at times there are certain things that happen. In my grandmothers cases we knew they had a death sentence we knew they were going to die they died with us all around them. O worked in a nursing home and the way some of those elderly people were treated was just shameful. I used to think man I wouldn't treat a dog like that, it is just sad when life becomes so worthless in others eyes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
usvichic Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 I must say that I shouldn't have probably said heated discussion in the original post. We have been going back and forth with the subject for weeks now and I just don't understand DH's stance on not wanting to be there. For me, I have PTS many animals including my first horse who was only 5, it is a no brainer - you stay. BUT I will say DH has never had any other animals and never had to PTS an animal before. Theoretically I understand that this is REALLY hard for him, but mentally I don't understand why he can't seem to grasp that the dog is miserable and we shouldn't prolong his life or not be there for him when we are PTS the dog. He also has no concept of how peaceful it can be, so he is envisioning a bad tie rather than an easy peaceful time. I have decided that I WILL be there and we are telling our DD today and i will give her the option of being there as well. She's 9 and can handle it. I am thinking of calling our vet and finding out if he can do it here at the house - I had never thought of that. It would be nice for our pet if we could go to sleep quietly on the lawn hearing the birds and the trees than in a vets office ... although he loves our vet and loves going to the vets because he gets treats..... he's a Lab; food = good place and people. :001_huh: As for the discussion of compassion for humans and not allowing euthanasia - we should totally allow humans to be PTS. Especially if they are in pain or miserable and there is no cure. ANYWAY, thanks all for the input. It was good to hear the opinions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 ...we should totally allow humans to be PTS. Especially if they are in pain or miserable and there is no cure. This does occur often, though I don't have statistics. It's done by giving enough pain killer to stop the suffering, even knowing the patient probably won't survive it. This is done after consultation with the family in hopeless cases, especially with terminal elderly people who are close to death / comatose / have expressed a desire to die. Of course it's not documented in the terms I just used. If we were a less litigious society, docs would probably be willing to do it more often. Personally I have never had to put an animal to sleep, much less consider this for a human. Honestly, I don't like the idea that I would decide when a pet was done with this world. But I'm not a pet owner, so my feeling doesn't really matter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 I've always been there. Always will be. Dh also. Sometimes it's peaceful and sometimes not. Putting my Mom's dog down was hard because I wasn't my mother and she was scared but Mom was in hospice and the dog was fifteen and was in a bad way. I can't imagine not being there. I held my horse of 15 plus years when I was six months pregnant. I felt like I owed it to my animals. As far as people and making them comfortable Hospice is as close - IME - as it gets. My mother spent her last weeks out of pain - she was not conscious but she was well cared for and in no pain. Breast cancer that spreads to the brain is a very hard way to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
usvichic Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 Well, it's done. The vet was great and DH stayed until our pet was well tranquilized. The vet gave him a sedative and then once that took effect came back to administer the final dosage. I know it was hard for DH, but I am glad he stayed with our Lab for at least that long. It was much better than when I had to put my horse to sleep. Thanks for all the input, both supportive of my thoughts and not. If anyone else feels the need to continue this discussion then please do. I however am signing off on this one. Again, thanks for your words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Well, it's done. The vet was great and DH stayed until our pet was well tranquilized. The vet gave him a sedative and then once that took effect came back to administer the final dosage. I know it was hard for DH, but I am glad he stayed with our Lab for at least that long. It was much better than when I had to put my horse to sleep. Thanks for all the input, both supportive of my thoughts and not. If anyone else feels the need to continue this discussion then please do. I however am signing off on this one. Again, thanks for your words. :grouphug: I am so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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