Help me figure out how to manage this- Budgeting

[MomatHWTK]

I would be on a very tight budget with that mortgage as well.

 

With regard to the control issue, I got the impression that he is giving you all the excess of monthly income after bills just not the savings account, and not asking the boss to affirm the bonus and adjusting the withholdings?

 

You would like to use the savings to pay off a loan, know what the bonus amount could be so it could be factored into spending and have the withholdings monthly to spend?

 

Am I reading right?

 

I'm really sorry, but I also got the impression that you were saying that you resent having to cut coupons and try to make do with meals, but you'd be OK with him working extra hours at a 2nd job so you didn't have to do those things? I know I must sound so snarky, but if that is really what you are thinking- then you probably need to take a look at what you are saying to him. KWIM?

 

Now, what Dave would probably say is, "Wife, yes, make do on that budget and work your tail off to do so," and "Husband, go get a second job until you are debt free." ;)

 

You guys both signed off on that mortgage and it stinks- we spent quite a few years house poor and eating mac n' cheese. It takes a very determine effort to get out from under a big house.

Edited March 30, 2012 by MomatHWTK

[QueenCat]

Honestly, I'm not seeing the control issue. In our household one of us does the accounting and that person is the one who sets the budget because she has the knowledge to do so. Has OP tried discussing how the budget amount was determined yet?

 

I do if one sets the budget without a partnership in the input or priorities.

Although I pay the bills & keep up with the budget, we developed it together & discuss major changes (i.e. I don't go to him if a bill goes up a few dollars, we do discuss if something is changing in a major way, if there is something new to be added, something that should go, or a special purchase over a couple hundred dollars).

[QueenCat]

You need to sit down and do a spreadsheet on all non-variable budget expenses. Spreadsheets are great for budgeting!

 

.......

 

We budget on 2 paychecks a month, since he is paid biweekly, that usually means 2 months a year we get 2 extra paychecks that cover all our incidentals/vacation etc.We do the same, one extra covers vacation, one covers Christmas.

 

Good thoughts

[Stellalarella]

OK, everybody. :) Here is the deal about squeezing a big family into a 7 passenger mini-van: you can do it if your children are not in car seats. But if you have several kids still in car seats (or who should be in car seats) a mini van is a very challenging option. Not technically impossible, just extremely challenging. Trying to fit your hand between two car seats to buckle a booster.....ahhhhhh!!!!!!

So when big families decide they can't squeeze into a mini anymore, they sometimes get a suburban. Technically, you can seat 8 people in a suburban if you have a second row bench, but again, it is a nightmare trying to buckle all those car seats. Then you have kids climbing over one another to get to the back. Or, you have to let them in the back and then they have to crawl over the seat. OK, now I am remembering our Suburban experience and my skin is crawling. :chillpill:

Enter: The Big Van.

And no, it isn't stylish, but it doesn't get any worse gas mileage than my sister's Escalade. :lol:

 

I will say, though, that it might be possible to sell the big 15 passenger and get an older, cheaper 12 passenger. Or, if you had to, you could make a Suburban work. Around here used Suburbans have dropped in price a lot--everybody is trying to find a more fuel economic vehicle. But compared to a Chevy express, the Suburban does get better mpg.

[Catwoman]

My Dh makes $75K a year without bonuses. Our mortgage is about $2200 a month. We have gone over the budget together we are in the hole about $500 after all the bills are paid and the $250 is transferred.

 

OK, that changes things.

 

In your earlier posts, you mentioned that your husband made good money, but you didn't mention that it still wasn't enough to cover your monthly expenses.

 

If you're in the $500 in the hole every month, gymnastics and the gym membership have got to go. Yesterday. And do you really need the protein shakes? $50 isn't a fortune, but right now, it's $50 you don't have. You want them because they help you lose weight, but do you need them for your health?

 

I'm also sensing some resentment toward using "your" money (that you earn yourself) for household expenses, rather than for gymnastics and a gym membership. You and your dc can exercise at home, and let's face it -- gym memberships and gymnastics classes are a luxury, not a necessity. I won't comment on the geometry class, because if you can't teach it and your ds can't learn it on his own with something like Teaching Textbooks or another similar course, the tutor may very well be necessary.

 

I think you and your dh need to work together, and having separate checking accounts seems to be doing nothing more than driving you apart. Who cares who pays for what? You're a family. It's family money, not "your money" and "his money." And if he wants you to earn some money, he has to suck it up and deal with it that you're not at home to fuss over him for a few hours a week. The No Whining Rules should be in effect. ;)

 

And I know I came down pretty hard on him in my earlier post, but if you consider your cleaning money to be yours to spend as you wish, I guess your dh feels that the money he earns is his money to allocate as he sees fit. (I still don't think it's right, but I'm trying to see his side of things.) It's a two-way street, and I really think you and your dh need to sit down and have a long discussion about your needs, wants, and expectations. I can hear the frustration in your posts, and I do sympathize with you, but I also think that both you and your dh need to face the reality of not having enough money right now, and to work as a team to change your situation.

 

Right now, it sounds like there is too much finger-pointing and not enough teamwork. I also think that, perhaps, your dh doesn't want to accept the fact that he's not making enough money to support the family, so he acts like he doesn't need to ask for a raise or put in some overtime, and I can absolutely understand why that would really irritate you. But if he thinks you're spending too much money on luxuries like protein shakes, gymnastics lessons, and a gym membership, I can sympathize with him, as well.

 

I can tell that you're resentful that you're not living the lifestyle you'd like, but when you don't have the money, you don't have the money. :grouphug:

Edited March 30, 2012 by Catwoman

[Heidi]

We have paid off a lot of bills with the bonuses yes. My DH does make me feel that he is making the money and i have to account for every little cent. He does it in a joking manner and it still ticks me off. When I mention that it ticks me off he gets upset.

 

I will be honest here. My Dh makes $75K a year without bonuses. Our mortgage is about $2200 a month. We have gone over the budget together we are in the hole about $500 after all the bills are paid and the $250 is transferred.

 

I don't mean to make him sound like a tyrant. He does listen to me and he knows that groceries are alot. To him though the bills come first and we use what is left to eat on, have gas, etc. I think the opposite, that the food comes first with a reasonable budget then the bills. The gymnastics and gym come out of the household because he says they are "my bills" I use the gym and Ryleigh does gymnastics. The reason I got my cleaning job was to pay for Ryleigh's gymnastics and my protein. I guess my main problem is that I have to make due with what is left and do all the work (ie. couponing, make up dinners from nothing, etc) to make sure I hit budget. Maybe I am just being selfish and need to suck it up. I did offer to get a night job and he said "And who is suppose to cook dinner?" I just gave up after that. He wants me to be superwoman and its just not there....

 

What??? You can't afford your lifestyle even with your extra job. :confused: Your husband is not a tyrant, he's being realistic. You are not strapped for cash, you are living beyond your means. Yes, bills DO come first when you make 75K. NO, gymnastics and gym are not bills, they are luxuries.

 

ETA: Sorry, I didn't read all of your replies. I agree that gymnastics and gym should be dropped, but also that van needs paid off and/or sold. That's what Dave would say! Your house is eating your income. It is unfortunate that you can't sell it.

Edited March 30, 2012 by hmsmith

[cathmom]

The thing is, sadly, that $75K is not "quite a bit" anymore. Sigh. Some days I feel like I'm living in the Weimar Republic.

[LadyMSews]

You are stuck in a hard place and you're going to have to do hard things to survive it. You really have to change how you think about money. It's not his money and your money and extra money...it's money the family needs to use very very wisely. Frankly, it sounds like you are both letting your egos get in the way of solving this problem. He is refusing to ask for a raise and you are refusing to give up "your" perks.

 

I have been in your situation before, just worst. We lost our house and our credit was trashed and we had to borrow money from family to do a deposit for the teeniest apartment we could squeeze into. We sold one car and dh took the other to work, leaving me home all day with 3 children under 4. Then dh got laid off. So this is experience speaking to you.

 

Let go of your expectations. You have decisions to make and being emotional about them won't help. First, the house. Either decide to stay and pursue every single possible opportunity to refinance or leave. Let it go. Find a place to live that you can actually afford. It's just a house. Don't be emotional about it.

 

Next, the van. Look, I have six children and a 7 passenger mini-van. At one point, I had 5 in carseats. Yes, it's hard, so what? And yes, we have to take both cars when the whole family goes somewhere. But it is foolish to keep a huge van that you can't afford just to be able to drive other people around. Sell it and get something smaller.

 

Drop the classes, gyms, protein stuff, etc. You are in survival mode. If you want to keep those things, then find a cheaper place to live and/or get a job.

 

Here's the thing...you are making a choice to live where you can't afford to and drive more vehicle than you need. I've been there in the past and I will never go back if I can avoid it, because I like to sleep peacefully at night. We live on less than $50K/year. We live in a dinky, old, 1 bath house and have put off buying a bigger van because 1) we hate debt and 2) we want to be able to pay for music lessons for our children. We have decided that the long term benefit of being debt free and having a few luxuries (like music lessons, occasional pizza nights, cable tv & internet) are worth the trade off. You are trying to have it all and you can't afford it. No amount of justification will change that.

 

I don't know who first said this but I keep this in my budget folder:

 

If you outgo exceeds your income,

Your upkeep will be your downfall.

[Lily_Grace]

We have paid off a lot of bills with the bonuses yes. My DH does make me feel that he is making the money and i have to account for every little cent. He does it in a joking manner and it still ticks me off. When I mention that it ticks me off he gets upset.

 

I will be honest here. My Dh makes $75K a year without bonuses. Our mortgage is about $2200 a month. We have gone over the budget together we are in the hole about $500 after all the bills are paid and the $250 is transferred.

 

That's 35% of your income (plus insurance, maintenance, etc.) to go toward housing costs. It is doable, but it is on the high end. What it is actually would depend on bonus money and your paycheck.

 

I don't mean to make him sound like a tyrant. He does listen to me and he knows that groceries are alot. To him though the bills come first and we use what is left to eat on, have gas, etc. I think the opposite, that the food comes first with a reasonable budget then the bills. The gymnastics and gym come out of the household because he says they are "my bills" I use the gym and Ryleigh does gymnastics. The reason I got my cleaning job was to pay for Ryleigh's gymnastics and my protein. I guess my main problem is that I have to make due with what is left and do all the work (ie. couponing, make up dinners from nothing, etc) to make sure I hit budget. Maybe I am just being selfish and need to suck it up. I did offer to get a night job and he said "And who is suppose to cook dinner?" I just gave up after that. He wants me to be superwoman and its just not there....

 

I'll agree with the others. Something HAS to give. Right now, it looks like the top of that list is gym, gymnastics, and your protein shakes. These are luxuries.

 

While food is important, taking care of the four walls has a place. Bills for housing come first. Then transportation. THEN food, then everything else. There's no way that gymnastics should be listed first anywhere, including your posts. Parks are free. Living within your means is freedom.

 

You and your dh need to sit down again and again and hash out a working budget. If that includes keeping your job while getting rid of the frills, then that's what it means. But it has to be the two of you, working together, finding a compromise. I'd also suggest using the Til' Debt Do We Part method of glass jars and filling them weekly. When it's gone, it's gone, but it'll help you see exactly how much you're spending where. I guarantee you, when you fill a jar up with money for "fun" and it's just as full, if not fuller than your money for "food", it'll make you sick.

[A.Balaban]

First off, I'm just using 75k as a straight number, not assuming any tax. At a straight 75k, you have $6,250 each month.

 

To put it in perspective: Your mortgage is $26,400, or about 35% of your gross income. That drops your monthly money down to $4,050.

 

You never mentioned cost of any other bills or other essentials- Electric, repairs, car upkeep, gas (if you have it), water, sewer, and trash. car payment? insurance?

 

You have no cable. Do you have a home phone? Can you switch to a lower cell phone plan? Can you call around and get different quotes for home and/or auto insurance? Can you switch your electric rate? Can you reduce your water usage? (etc...)

 

You also haven't mentioned any sort of savings?

 

Groceries- like I said before, $25 per person per week. $175/week or about $700 a month should be more than manageable depending on what you eat.

 

Gas- as you mentioned you spend $200-300 a month. How much does it cost for your husbands?

 

After groceries and gas, you have $3,050 a month to spend on bills/other expenses not listed. If you live in an area with a high property tax, you might budget $500-$1000 a month on that.

 

I'm sorry. I don't see where the money is going. If you get rid of the activities, you will use less gas, which will save you more money.

 

If you are in the hole in your house, you need to start throwing extra money at the house and pay down the mortgage. That should be your priority. If you can't get out of the hole, then you need to look at other options. This is something that is very difficult, but financial security is not something to be taken lightly.

 

This isn't a simple: "I need a budget" this is "My expenses control my life and it's out of control."

 

For what it's worth, I mean this all very kindly- forgive any rude tone. It's past 2am and my 3y/o is refusing to sleep. I live on less than half of what you make a year, and while we don't have the number of bills you do (since we are renters) we certainly have our own challenges. This needs to be a team effort. I am the one in charge of the finances here, but I still discuss every change with my DH. I am the one who pours over the budget and squeezes the dry rock to get water. :grouphug::grouphug:

[NatashainDFW]

I am going to have to agree with everyone else and say the extras have to go. I am not trying to sound snarky but I don't understand how people can't live on 75k a year. I grew up in a household where my parents brought in 40k for a family of four and right now we are living on under 20k for a family of four and soon to be five. Yes it means there is almost no eating out, very very few extra activities and not anything that is done regularly. We plan ahead for dinners by buying things like beans, rice, flour, sugar in bulk. I shop meat sales to help provide the one thing my husband loves on his dinner plate. We are working on increasing our monthly income but it is a hard and slow process but I won't put luxuries before shelter and food. In fact my truck stayed broke down for three months because replacing the battery just wasn't in my budget.

[Melissa in Australia]

We are a family of 7, we live on an income of less than 45K a year. I also live in a country where things are way more expensive than USA

We grow most of our own food, it is the only way we could do it. even sprouts growing on the sink help the food budget.

The thought of gymnastics, eating out, and gym membership are luxuries I have never experienced . They are things for RICH people

[Lisbeth]

We have paid off a lot of bills with the bonuses yes. My DH does make me feel that he is making the money and i have to account for every little cent. He does it in a joking manner and it still ticks me off. When I mention that it ticks me off he gets upset.

 

I will be honest here. My Dh makes $75K a year without bonuses. Our mortgage is about $2200 a month. We have gone over the budget together we are in the hole about $500 after all the bills are paid and the $250 is transferred.

 

I don't mean to make him sound like a tyrant. He does listen to me and he knows that groceries are alot. To him though the bills come first and we use what is left to eat on, have gas, etc. I think the opposite, that the food comes first with a reasonable budget then the bills. The gymnastics and gym come out of the household because he says they are "my bills" I use the gym and Ryleigh does gymnastics. The reason I got my cleaning job was to pay for Ryleigh's gymnastics and my protein. I guess my main problem is that I have to make due with what is left and do all the work (ie. couponing, make up dinners from nothing, etc) to make sure I hit budget. Maybe I am just being selfish and need to suck it up. I did offer to get a night job and he said "And who is suppose to cook dinner?" I just gave up after that. He wants me to be superwoman and its just not there....

 

Who is supposed to cook dinner? Really? I would get the job, HE would cook the dinner, and that would be that. He is putting you in a weird situation. You are not "allowed" to make more money because he won't step up and help with something as simple as dinner, but, he won't let you have more money for reasonable expenses. Honestly, I would TELL him what I was going to do and stop asking. Time to take back your equal spot in the marriage.

 

I do believe in couponing because, even though my dh makes a very nice salary, I would rather keep the money rather than give it to the store for no reason. However, even with coupons what you are spending seems very tight for the number in your family. :grouphug:

[Lisbeth]

We are a family of 7, we live on an income of less than 45K a year. I also live in a country where things are way more expensive than USA

We grow most of our own food, it is the only way we could do it. even sprouts growing on the sink help the food budget.

The thought of gymnastics, eating out, and gym membership are luxuries I have never experienced . They are things for RICH people

 

That's an interesting perspective. We have quite a few Asian and Indian families around here and I see them live modestly in terms of housing, food, clothing, etc, yet they put their kids in very expensive private schools with very expensive lessons for language, music, etc. My two youngest children attended an expensive private school for preschool and K and there were numerous Asian and Indian families there of modest means - sometimes, VERY modest means. However, the priority was enriching the children. So I understand the idea some have of lessons and other enrichments being for the rich. Some times it is for the rich. But sometimes it is just a priority of the middle class or even poor.

 

When we made 1/4 what we do now, I budgeted but still put the kids in things I considered very important to me, like music lessons and chess club and language camps/school. I worked specificially to pay for that. Now that my husband has inreased his earnings to what some might call wealthy, I still work PT to pay for the enrichments. ;) It can be done. It does help if the spouse is on board with those priorities, however.

[HSinNH]

:grouphug:

Edited March 30, 2012 by kristadiane

[jennsmile]

At 16 she can get a job doing something and pay for gymnastics herself if it means something to her. As a homeschooler she can get a job in the morning hours while kids are at school and do school in the afternoon evening. I homeschooled and worked 7-11 most mornings. I paid for my clarinet lessons and other things I wanted to do or have out of my earnings.

 

Short sale you house if need be. I know not fun but if you can't afford it you can't afford it.

 

You say you took the Financial Peace course, you can go retake it as many times as you want for life. Go though it again as you seem to still be struggling as a couple to get your budget working.

[Momma2Many66]

We live on a budget and it helps me to keep accountable and not fall behind. I am the numbers nerd in our family, I do all the numbers crunching and figure out how we spend and what goes to what and to where. We are a family of 6 with 2 adults and 4 children still at home.

 

It is not ideal and we do have to economize a lot to live within our means without any outside help, but we get it done.

 

My dh's bring home pay is after taking out for pension, medical insurance fees and taxes.

 

My husband brings home $ 2,000 dollars per month and he gets that pay in two paychecks two weeks apart.

 

So the first paycheck we get $ 1,000 dollars, this is how I divide it up for our family.

 

First Monthly pay:

 

* 400 for groceries ( 4 weeks at $ 100 dollars per week)

 

* 100 dollars for Paper goods, health and beauty needs and medicines (25 dollars per week)

 

* 150 dollars for heating oil per month

 

* 150 dollars for car/home insurance per month

 

* 140 dollar per gas per month (two vehicles)

 

* 40 dollars per blow money ( we get $ 10 dollars each per week for spending money)

 

* 20 dollars towards medical fund (co-pays) and unpredictables

 

 

Second paycheck:

 

* 550 for mortgage

 

* 225 for electric ( we overfill this for times when electricity jumps drastically in summer months for AC so we always have the money already there)

 

* 50 dollars per month for phone and internet ( we use landline only and dsl internet)

 

* 50 dollars water bill (this account is paid ahead for water bill that comes every 3 months)

 

* 40 dollars blow money ( we get 10 dollars each per week for spending money)

 

* 10 dollars per month for netflix streaming ( we have no cable or satelite and use netflix steaming for our entertainment) Netflix is actually just $ 7.99 but I put in the 10 dollars to allow for raises in price ahead of time.

 

* 75 dollars for savings account

 

 

We do this same scheduled payments every month. When I need money for homeschooling supplies, used clothing or household goods and Christmas gifts I earn money in advance every year through ebay sales, yard sales and garden surplus sales.

 

Our property/school taxes per year are paid for by our yearly tax refund.

 

We have a 6 month emergency fund that is filled.

 

We have a pension that is 6 % plus 6 % match from dh's work.

 

We have no vehicle loans (all paid in full ) and no credit cards. I do all the shopping on a Saturday and run all errands that day to save on gas. My husband drives a very economical "beater car" that saves us on gas money for his daily work commmute ( 25 minutes each way). My husband does almost all vehicle and home maintence himself and we drive our vehicles until they are dead.

 

We both work occasional side jobs to make extra money when the need arises.

 

We shop thrift stores and yard sales for clothing and buy everything but underwear and shoes used.

 

For exercise for our children instead of exspensive outside activities which we could not afford we garden and run and play on our 11 acres. We also have a nice family friendly park and playground across the road from our farm.

 

We eat simple healthy meals of mainly veggies and fruits, very little meats, and lots of fish, beans/rice and whole grains. We have a large garden and orchard every year for fresh veggies, fruits and berries to help supplement our grocery bill.

 

It is hard to do so much number crunching and budgeting, but this season in our lives when our children are still young and at home is so fleeting and will pass before we know it. All too soon my youngest 4 children will be up and gone and we will not have to stick with such a tight budget, but these times help us to learn to economize and save and prepare for a better future. When I get down at times about lack of funds, I remind msyelf that sticking to a budget is character building and keeps me on my toes in preparation for the "hard times". :001_smile:

[DawnM]

I disagree. They have the income to pay, this isn't an issue of not being able to feed the kids, this is an issue of allocating funds differently.

 

If they truly want to downsize later, harming their credit WILL be an issue.

 

I do agree with seeing about refinancing though.

 

OP, Are you currently on a 30 year loan?

 

Dawn

 

Have you looked at the HARP refinance which allows you to refinance even if you are upside down?

 

Also, while it would hurt your credit you could reapply for a loan modification and stop paying the mortgage for a couple of months so they will get to your application. I know people who did this (they did not spend all of that money, just set it aside until the renegotiated amount came through.) I would care more about feeding my kids comfortably than about my credit score.

 

I know it is a long and tedious process, but something has to change here. In the alternative, see what it would take to get your income up to a workable amount with the mortgage- you really need an income into the low six figures to comfortably handle the house as it is. Even if you cut all of the non-essentials, the math does not work as is.

[DawnM]

double post

Edited March 30, 2012 by DawnM

[cseitter]

Yes we are on a 30 year loan. Let me put a little more prespective on it. Last year my DH's gross salary was $125k and our federal tax return was $17k. The salary was due to bonuses that are not sent at a specific time. The taxes were because he also has 2 busniesses (one with a partner that we see no income from yet, and the other for his side work) So now do you see why I want him to talk to his boss and change the withholdings?

 

Also if we pay off the van we will then no longer be in the hole $500 a month but be even. We also have a pickup truck that we financed through his grandfather and pay no interest. Its $250 a month. We could get rid of that payment, the credit card, the gym. My protein my mom buys for me and I pay her back in small payments. My mom also pays for my kids to take piano lessons. (Love that woman!)

 

We pay car insurance by the year and get the cheapest rate we can find. My DH is in the union so our health insurance , retirement etc is paid for by them. We also have $20k invested. I do coupon although not extensively (and whoever posted the budgeting 101 sight THANK YOU!!), I try to make from scratch as much as I can, I make my own bread, pizza crust, etc. We do eat out once a week. I do not buy anything new. I have lost 23 pounds and any clothes come from goodwill or yard sales. I have a large garden, my DH has bees for honey, we are getting some chickens for eggs.

 

I need to go back to trying to get the adjustment to our mortgage. It got so frustrating I gave up and I guess that is exactly what they wanted. We love our house but would like to have more land.

 

I don't think it is a lack of money either. I think we just need to get our priorities straight and figure it out. Namely I need to learn to live within a budget. Growing up my parents had nothing and spent every dime they had. I am not the best with money and I freely admit it. I like the seperate checking accts. It works well for us we just need to figure out how to get a little more money and adjust some things.

Edited March 30, 2012 by cseitter

[StephanieZ]

Your family income is over 100k after taxes, but your dh wants you to pay for groceries and gas and more out of $1000/mo, and you have to take a cleaning job on top of homeschooling and housekeeping for a large family? I undertand that even with a high income, there never seems to be enough to go around. . . But I don't think this is reasonable.

 

I'd either stick up for myself firmly and assert more financial control, quit the job, and buy what I wanted . . . or I'd budget time and money for a marriage therapist.

[cseitter]

That is what he said yesterday that even if he got a raise and changed the withholdings we would just spend the money and it like "money in the bank" if we kept things the way they are. I tried to explain that I am drowning.

 

My oldest broke his finger recently playing basketball, my other DS almost severed his fingertip in a door at church and I had to pay the $60 co-pays from the household budget which is already stretched to the limit. I am trying really hard to stay within the money I have but finding it almost impossible.

[Jen500]

That is what he said yesterday that even if he got a raise and changed the withholdings we would just spend the money and it like "money in the bank" if we kept things the way they are. I tried to explain that I am drowning.

 

My oldest broke his finger recently playing basketball, my other DS almost severed his fingertip in a door at church and I had to pay the $60 co-pays from the household budget which is already stretched to the limit. I am trying really hard to stay within the money I have but finding it almost impossible.

 

Something is wrong if you make over 100k/yr and have to make health co-pays out of your grocery money.

[Scuff]

$17K tax return?! Dang! Would he be willing to take a few exemptions and get a $10K return instead? My dh likes a return, also. He knows he's not good at saving. So even if he's loaning the gov't his money interest free, he figures at least he knows he's saving something. Last year, with the new baby, out return was $12K. He adjusted that and we still got $7K this year. You can live off of 75/yr. but if you're used to 125, than now we know why you're struggling. Adjust what needs to be adjusted. And up that food budget! We spend $400 every 2 weeks just on things you buy at the grocery store. (food, diapers, tp) $125/wk for your family is going to be hard!

[Moxie]

Yes we are on a 30 year loan. Let me put a little more prespective on it. Last year my DH's gross salary was $125k and our federal tax return was $17k. The salary was due to bonuses that are not sent at a specific time. The taxes were because he also has 2 busniesses (one with a partner that we see no income from yet, and the other for his side work) So now do you see why I want him to talk to his boss and change the withholdings?

 

Also if we pay off the van we will then no longer be in the hole $500 a month but be even. We also have a pickup truck that we financed through his grandfather and pay no interest. Its $250 a month. We could get rid of that payment, the credit card, the gym. My protein my mom buys for me and I pay her back in small payments. My mom also pays for my kids to take piano lessons. (Love that woman!)

 

We pay car insurance by the year and get the cheapest rate we can find. My DH is in the union so our health insurance , retirement etc is paid for by them. We also have $20k invested. I do coupon although not extensively (and whoever posted the budgeting 101 sight THANK YOU!!), I try to make from scratch as much as I can, I make my own bread, pizza crust, etc. We do eat out once a week. I do not buy anything new. I have lost 23 pounds and any clothes come from goodwill or yard sales. I have a large garden, my DH has bees for honey, we are getting some chickens for eggs.

 

I need to go back to trying to get the adjustment to our mortgage. It got so frustrating I gave up and I guess that is exactly what they wanted. We love our house but would like to have more land.

 

I don't think it is a lack of money either. I think we just need to get our priorities straight and figure it out. Namely I need to learn to live within a budget. Growing up my parents had nothing and spent every dime they had. I am not the best with money and I freely admit it. I like the seperate checking accts. It works well for us we just need to figure out how to get a little more money and adjust some things.

 

Whaaa?? You GOT BACK $17,000??? Am I reading that right? If I were you I would put my foot down and demand that he adjust that or sleep on the couch. That is $1400 A MONTH you are over-paying! That alone would solve all your problems.

[Scuff]

Save your reciepts and show him where your $ is going. He doesn't understand what it takes to run the house. That doesn't make him evil; my dh didn't understand at first, either. You need to sjow him, so that he will understand. Eon't beat yourself up for not making budget. Your budget is unrealistic.

Edited March 30, 2012 by Scuff

[scholarly]

I agree with most other posters about cutting out "extras" and getting you and your DH on the same page as far as what expenses really are.

 

However, I do have a suggestion to make, if your DH is unwilling to change the tax withholding. If he wants to still receive $17,000 back, then you have to budget that 17k so that your monthly expenses are lessened throughout the year.

 

For instance, if you could arrange with the grandfather to pay $3000 each year when you get your taxes back, that would free up $250 a month for you to use for household expenses. You could also set up a third account for your tax refund and use it only for designated expenses, such as car insurance or medical co-pays and only use it for those things. This is, of course, if he is unwilling to change the exemptions on his paycheck.

[Trilliums]

These numbers are a bit skewed. Your tax return was more than your annual household budget? For your income range, I think the amount allocated to "household" expenses is low.

 

Also sounds as though DH might feel under appreciated for bringing home a paycheck. with a mine vs yours attitude towards money, arguments over spending said money are more likely.

[cseitter]

These numbers are a bit skewed. Your tax return was more than your annual household budget? For your income range, I think the amount allocated to "household" expenses is low.

 

Also sounds as though DH might feel under appreciated for bringing home a paycheck. with a mine vs yours attitude towards money, arguments over spending said money are more likely.

 

So how do I fix or work on that?

[Catwoman]

I don't think it is a lack of money either. I think we just need to get our priorities straight and figure it out. Namely I need to learn to live within a budget. Growing up my parents had nothing and spent every dime they had. I am not the best with money and I freely admit it. I like the seperate checking accts. It works well for us we just need to figure out how to get a little more money and adjust some things.

 

Honestly, I think you know exactly what you need to do. It's the actual doing that is a pain. Nobody wants to feel deprived, and counting pennies is no fun. Nobody wants to feel that they're working their buns off and that no one appreciates it, or to feel that you're just spinning your wheels because no matter how much you do, you still can't relax and go on a little vacation or a shopping spree.

 

But after reading your last post, I really have to say something.

 

You're not giving yourself enough credit.

 

In your earlier posts, you sounded sort of selfish. It appeared that your dh was this hardworking man, and you just wanted to have money to spend.

 

But after you've posted more details of all the things you actually do, it is incredibly obvious that you're doing a lot more to contribute to the household than your earlier posts made it sound.

 

Toot your own horn a little more!!! :D

 

I don't think your dh appreciates how good he's got it -- and I think it's time to educate him on all the money you're saving him by economizing as you do! And I don't think you realize that you're not your parents. You just aren't. You're not terrible with money; you're not spending yourself broke. You're trying to find bargains, schedule your errands so you don't waste gas, and cook from scratch. You are not an irresponsible person. Period.

 

You and your dh need to tweak things a bit to get your finances in order, but I truly don't think you're going to need to make tremendous sacrifices beyond what you're already doing, especially once your dh starts having the proper amount of withholding taken from his paychecks. (And you're absolutely right -- one big windfall, once a year, is not helping you budget your money.)

 

I am so sorry if my earlier posts seemed very harsh. :grouphug:

 

And by the way, CONGRATULATIONS on the 23 pound weight loss -- that's AMAZING!!! (And it's great that your mom is so supportive!)

:party:

Edited March 30, 2012 by Catwoman

[susankenny]

Most of the things you're mentioning should come out of a household budget & not a personal budget. You should have individual budgets for all of that stuff and not $250 a week to spend, especially since the grand total is more than what you really have.

 

 

Susan

[justamouse]

 

I don't think your dh appreciates how good he's got it -- and I think it's time to educate him on all the money you're saving him by economizing as you do! And I don't think you realize that you're not your parents. You just aren't. You're not terrible with money; you're not spending yourself broke. You're trying to find bargains, schedule your errands so you don't waste gas, and cook from scratch. You are not an irresponsible person. Period.

 

You and your dh need to tweak things a bit to get your finances in order, but I truly don't think you're going to need to make tremendous sacrifices beyond what you're already doing, especially once your dh starts having the proper amount of withholding taken from his paychecks. (And you're absolutely right -- one big windfall, once a year, is not helping you budget your money.)

 

I am so sorry if my earlier posts seemed very harsh. :grouphug:

 

And by the way, CONGRATULATIONS on the 23 pound weight loss -- that's AMAZING!!! (And it's great that your mom is so supportive!)

:party:

:iagree:

 

I also am sorry if my previous posts seemed harsh.

 

Now, go delete some of those posts. :001_smile: Too much personal info.

[MomatHWTK]

Just a thought since obviously we don't know everything you two have done so far..

 

When we paid ahead on our mortgage a few years ago, the mortgage company actually credited it as advance payments. So I now have the option each month of paying the regular mortgage payment and staying "ahead" or skipping it until all the advance payment is used up. If you are getting a huge tax refund you might investigate paying ahead on the mortgage.

 

Or, you could agree to put the refund money in the grocery account and just use that $ for groceries- that would be a budget increase over what you have now. ;)

 

I get the impression that you both have a habit of spending it if you've got it and that's why DH basically wants to "hide" the money by not doing the withholdings? DH and I were like that for many years and still backslide! We are actually paying down a small credit card debt right now because we just can't say "no" to ourselves. :glare:

 

The bonus- When I received them (eons ago) they were not guaranteed until the $ was in the bank. If bonus time came and my boss was broke at the time, I didn't get one! So it may not be within your DH's control to get a commitment from boss. If boss said I'm going to pay you X and then changed his mind, he (the boss) would get grief. So he may not be willing to give a $ amount at all.

 

Maybe a compromise would be to agree to use the refund $ for something- put it in the household budget account or pay down a debt. And keep the bonus off the table to be put away as emergency savings.

 

Maybe someone else can confirm, but I thought the "Dave" way would be for emergency savings to come before investments, but investments to come after debt repayment?

 

I hope that the two of you can get together, put everything on the table and come up with a plan. Be gentle and willing to compromise. You can do this- just remember (and remind your DH) that you are a team and you both have something to contribute to making it work. :grouphug:

[cjzimmer1]

OK, everybody. :) Here is the deal about squeezing a big family into a 7 passenger mini-van: you can do it if your children are not in car seats. But if you have several kids still in car seats (or who should be in car seats) a mini van is a very challenging option. Not technically impossible, just extremely challenging. Trying to fit your hand between two car seats to buckle a booster.....ahhhhhh!!!!!!

So when big families decide they can't squeeze into a mini anymore, they sometimes get a suburban. Technically, you can seat 8 people in a suburban if you have a second row bench, but again, it is a nightmare trying to buckle all those car seats. Then you have kids climbing over one another to get to the back. Or, you have to let them in the back and then they have to crawl over the seat. OK, now I am remembering our Suburban experience and my skin is crawling. :chillpill:

Enter: The Big Van.

And no, it isn't stylish, but it doesn't get any worse gas mileage than my sister's Escalade. :lol:

 

I will say, though, that it might be possible to sell the big 15 passenger and get an older, cheaper 12 passenger. Or, if you had to, you could make a Suburban work. Around here used Suburbans have dropped in price a lot--everybody is trying to find a more fuel economic vehicle. But compared to a Chevy express, the Suburban does get better mpg.

 

Not to side track the thread but I completely disagree with this. I have 5 kids and for several years I had 4 of the 5 in car seats/boosters. The only difficultly was picking the correct seats that fit together. Once we got the seat combo right we've had no problems with seating/buckling. It may mean you have to replace car seats to get ones that fit together but that is a whole lot cheaper than replacing the van. And at the ages of your kids, if you can't reach in to buckle someone because your hands don't fit, you have several children who are old enough that they should be able to buckle a seat in a space that is too small for your hands. Sure it would be nice to have more space for stuff, but certainly not at the expense of not being able to create a workable budget.

[cjzimmer1]

Just a thought since obviously we don't know everything you two have done so far..

 

When we paid ahead on our mortgage a few years ago, the mortgage company actually credited it as advance payments. So I now have the option each month of paying the regular mortgage payment and staying "ahead" or skipping it until all the advance payment is used up. If you are getting a huge tax refund you might investigate paying ahead on the mortgage.

 

 

 

 

I would just caution that you check with the bank before doing this. We've always paid ahead on car loans so we would have a cushion if things went bad or we had a tight month. I also paid ahead on the mortgage assuming it worked on the same principal. However, when my husband was laid off and I called about working things out, I discovered that home loan don't work like car loans and so even though I had paid ahead, I was still expected to make the full payment every month. Now obviously you bank handled things differently than ours but thought I'd should mention it in case people assume (like I had before I was informed otherwise) that all banks will handle this like yours did.

[nova147]

So how do I fix or work on that?

 

I think it is a respect thing. I'm reading a book called Love and Respect. The basic idea is women believe love should be given automatically, but respect has to be earned. Men work the other way. When we give our husbands respect without them "earning" it, they respond better to our needs. DH is self employed and I often ask him to put money in our acct not knowing if he has enough in his business acct. this has often led to fights. I've been trying to thank him for working hard, congratulate him when a case goes well, etc, so that not every interaction we have regarding the business is financial. It actually seems to have helped - he's not as agitated when I ask for money, even if he has to say no.

[Colleen in NS]

My protein my mom buys for me and I pay her back in small payments.

 

But you still have to pay her. That is still money going out, for something that is a luxury.

 

That is what he said yesterday that even if he got a raise and changed the withholdings we would just spend the money and it like "money in the bank" if we kept things the way they are.

 

So how do I fix or work on that?

 

It sounds to me like your dh is trying to hold on to the majority of the income, while you are squeezing all sorts of stuff into $1000/month. But might it be because he isn't sure you'll manage the money well? He seems to be expressing the concern that even if these withholdings aren't withheld anymore, the money still might be spent without regard to the bigger picture.

 

Keep in mind I'm speaking as one who lives within a very low income for our area, and we've had very tight times over our 17.5 years of marriage. Sure, I hate it sometimes, but it can't be changed at the moment, so we work at creating the best we can with what we have. We feed our family basic nutrition, go out to eat maybe three times a year, shelter, clothe, and water ourselves. Anything else has to be carefully considered. Do we save up for a road trip to see faraway relatives, or not venture out of town this summer? Do we have enough set aside to pay for prescriptions when needed? Do we have enough set aside for the occasional car repair or house repair? I've longed over the years to put my kids in various classes, but we've never been able to financially justify it. I've longed for a vehicle for me to use during the day - ain't gonna happen for awhile. So, we work out what we can. I work my homeschool schedule so I can take the kids to the library Friday mornings, before dh needs the vehicle. It's tough, but doable to do whatever you need to do to make all that money work for you and your family.

 

I recommend reading Amy Dacyzyn's The Complete Tightwad Gazette. That book really changed my thinking in so many ways, esp. her particular articles in it (it's basically a compiled newsletter). Becoming wise with your resources requires changes of thinking and habit in the small things first, not just the big things. I'd pitch the protein shakes, gym membership, and gymnastics in favour of just eating more healthily and going for a daily walk - you and the wall-climber! :D You might be pleasantly surprised to see what other ideas your mind comes up with, to save money, if you start looking at what is truly necessity and what is truly luxury.

[mamaraby]

That is what he said yesterday that even if he got a raise and changed the withholdings we would just spend the money and it like "money in the bank" if we kept things the way they are. I tried to explain that I am drowning.

 

If it were me I'd change the withholdings so that it was reflective of breaking even come tax return time or getting a modest return. I'd keep a portion of the $17k to add to your household budget and with the remainder of it I'd open a savings certificate.

 

My credit union has one where there is no minimum deposit, you can add to it at any time and you can pick a term as short as three months. You get one free withdrawal within the period after that you pay a penalty. At the end of the period it rolls over again into a new period. That way you have access to your money, but it's a lot harder to get to. Not so hard, though that you couldn't get to it in an emergency and the interest rate is higher than a typical savings account.

 

You can set it up as an automatic deposit either through the financial institution or often times through the direct deposit with an employer. This way it's never in your account to spend.

 

Aside from that, I agree with many of the other pps. You need to get on the same page. You need to understand where the money is going because you are an equal, adult partner in this relationship. It's also good to have accountability between partners so that one cannot hide financial information from the other.