s/o Santa and disappointment as kids...

[Fleur de Lis]

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Edited December 12, 2011 by Fleur de Lis

[myfunnybunch]

Maybe this is something to take up with Miriam Webster:001_smile:

 

It does sound like many families "do Santa" without really trying to convince the children that he is real - just a fun story or whatever. This probably would not fulfill m-w's definition of a lie, so no, not everyone who plays Santa is a liar. However, I would argue that the families that do actually purposefully deceive their children would fulfill m-w's definition of a liar. I looked, but did not see any distinctions made on m-w's website for "white lies"

 

Please, I know no one here is a malicious liar and of course everyone who plays Santa just wants to give their children a wonderful fun-filled Christmas season with joyful memories. I'm just saying, maybe we should all contact Miriam Webster and ask them to change the definition of a liar??? ;)

 

It's a dictionary. Dictionaries merely define words, but they do not direct them toward people in conversations.

 

According to the m-w definition, if my son runs in from the yard and tells me there are fairies out there, he's lying. He knows there aren't fairies. He's saying there are. He wants me to believe it. (He really did want me to. It was such a delight to him when I gasped and said, "Fairies? In my yard? Tell those pesky mosquito-wings to stop making circles in my grass!" Alas, the fairies bit the dust even before Santa. I miss the fairies too.) He's lying, right? Not really. He's pretending. It's make believe. And was I lying to him when I pretended to believe?

 

Believing that there's room for fantasy, between absolute reality and "intent to deceive," doesn't make one a liar, no matter what the dictionary says. Or maybe not. The real intent isn't to deceive, it's to create lovely childhood memories. (And yes, I know the def. of deceive. But, for the sake of this argument, let's just say that the intent is what parents are trying to achieve.)

 

I wholeheartedly believe in this Santa. My kids' choir sang the Virginia song today. *sniff*

 

Cat

 

P.S. I am mostly arguing this for the sake of argument. I think it's weird for parents to flat out insist repeatedly to a skeptical child that Santa is indeed a real flesh-and-blood guy in a fuzzy red suit who says "Ho, ho, ho!" and whizzes around the world in a sleigh. I firmly believe that "What do you believe?" is a far more appropriate way to handle a fantasy and the transition to reality.

 

P.P.S. But I do love the big guy. (Don't want coal in my stocking!) :D

[SKL]

Maybe this is something to take up with Miriam Webster:001_smile:

...

I would argue that the families that do actually purposefully deceive their children would fulfill m-w's definition of a liar.

 

Notwithstanding the watered-down definitions some dictionaries now propose, the original meaning of "deceive" is "ensnare." In other words, using dishonest means to screw somebody over. I don't think it's an appropriate term for encouraging a young child to live in a benign fantasy.

[Skadi]

Notwithstanding the watered-down definitions some dictionaries now propose, the original meaning of "deceive" is "ensnare." In other words, using dishonest means to screw somebody over. I don't think it's an appropriate term for encouraging a young child to live in a benign fantasy.

 

It isn't benign. See my previous post about how poor kids rationalize the disparity of presents from Santa.

[SKL]

It isn't benign. See my previous post about how poor kids rationalize the disparity of presents from Santa.

 

I'm talking about "young" children, most of whom would not make that observation. (I should know - I was one of them.)

[Skadi]

Since a generalization about how old children should be when they discover the truth is not really feasible, I don't see that as a reasonable counterpoint.

[Fleur de Lis]

It isn't benign. See my previous post about how poor kids rationalize the disparity of presents from Santa.

 

My husband was also hurt by the Santa story. Felt betrayed by his Dad.

[justamouse]

So those who feel betrayed that their parents told them a cultural fantasy story still resent their parents for 'lying'?

 

For all the dangerous things out there that parents may or may not do-Santa is something to resent them for?

 

I resent my mom for not getting me out of a situation where I was bullied and beat up every day when I was in first grade-not because my family told me Santa brought a few presents.

[Fleur de Lis]

So those who feel betrayed that their parents told them a cultural fantasy story still resent their parents for 'lying'?

 

For all the dangerous things out there that parents may or may not do-Santa is something to resent them for?

 

I resent my mom for not getting me out of a situation where I was bullied and beat up every day when I was in first grade-not because my family told me Santa brought a few presents.

 

No, DH doesn't resent his dad for it but he was hurt.

[Jenny in Florida]

Notwithstanding the watered-down definitions some dictionaries now propose, the original meaning of "deceive" is "ensnare." In other words, using dishonest means to screw somebody over. I don't think it's an appropriate term for encouraging a young child to live in a benign fantasy.

 

It isn't benign. See my previous post about how poor kids rationalize the disparity of presents from Santa.

 

And I would argue that, if nearly 12% of us have responded to this poll saying we felt betrayed by our parents as a result of this deception, that probably makes it something not benign for us.

[Jenny in Florida]

So those who feel betrayed that their parents told them a cultural fantasy story still resent their parents for 'lying'?

 

For all the dangerous things out there that parents may or may not do-Santa is something to resent them for?

 

I resent my mom for not getting me out of a situation where I was bullied and beat up every day when I was in first grade-not because my family told me Santa brought a few presents.

 

No, as an adult, I can find lots of other things to resent about my parents. But, looking back, I would say the Santa thing was indicative of lots of other things in our relationship.

[Mommyof4ks]

I don't think my parents ever told me he wasn't real, but in kindy my friends did. It did not upset me. My dd knows, and she does not seem affected by it, but like you the first time she asked we told her the truth. We don't play up Santa though, that is something they have picked up from media and such, and we just play along until they figure it out.

[Dmmetler]

I don't remember ever believing. Christmas, when I was growing up, was usually spent traveling to multiple houses to see family, and we opened gifts when we got back, whenever that was. While we might get a present or two from relatives, there was never the big hoard from Santa that some of my friends got-more spaced out.

 

 

DD has had much the same effect, for different reasons-two events before her birth have made Christmas a really hard season for me, so she's never spent a Christmas (other than the one that she was 1 month old) at home-we've always traveled somewhere, because I find it easier to bear the holidays away from the memories-and have found that often there are others in the same boat and we can comfort and support each other. So DD's traditions involve trips instead of presents and you don't put a cruise ship or Cinderella's Castle down a chimney.

[Word Nerd]

So those who feel betrayed that their parents told them a cultural fantasy story still resent their parents for 'lying'?

 

For all the dangerous things out there that parents may or may not do-Santa is something to resent them for?

 

I haven't seen anyone say they hate their parents, resent them, or were traumatized for life by being lied to about Santa.

Edited December 6, 2011 by WordGirl

[justamouse]

I haven't seen anyone say they hate their parents, resent them, or were traumatized by being lied to about Santa—yet this strawman keeps popping up.

 

But they strongly associate 'lying' with telling kids about Santa. So I don't see a strawman. They felt lied to, which is akin to feeling deceived, and so therefore their parents set out to deceive them.

[SKL]

No, as an adult, I can find lots of other things to resent about my parents. But, looking back, I would say the Santa thing was indicative of lots of other things in our relationship.

 

Well, I would say that the Santa thing was indicative of how far my parents would go to make us happy. They had practically nothing, and yet they went all out in so many ways because it was wonderful for us. Apparently Santa itself isn't the relevant distinction here. It's whether or not our parents showed us that they cared about us.

[SKL]

And I would argue that, if nearly 12% of us have responded to this poll saying we felt betrayed by our parents as a result of this deception, that probably makes it something not benign for us.

 

Well, some kids are going to get upset about things that are benign. For example, being blessed with a younger sibling, even having their mom wash their teddy bear. I'll bet the percentage of kids who felt betrayed at those things is higher than 12%. It doesn't mean parents should be afraid to do such things. Disappointment is a part of life.

[unsinkable]

As a child, I would say I was betrayed by my parents dozens of times. "I'm not going drink anymore." "Mom and I aren't going to fight anymore." "I'll won't drink before your XYZ event." "I wasn't drunk."

 

I wouldn't classify the Santa situation as a "betrayal" given my childhood.

[myfunnybunch]

They felt lied to, which is akin to feeling deceived, and so therefore their parents set out to deceive them.

 

Nope.

 

Sorry, can't let that one pass.

 

One's feelings do not determine intent on the part of the other party. A child feeling lied to does not mean the parents deliberately intended to be deceitful.

 

My husband brought me roses. We didn't have any money at the time, so I was irritated that he spent the money. My irritation does not mean that he set out to irritate me. His intent was still to surprise and delight, in spite of my reaction.

 

Cat

[Fleur de Lis]

In the interest of peacemaking, I thought I'd provide the following so maybe we can all get past the hangups on the particular words being used in order to focus on the actual cultural practice of Santa:

 

the word "lie" is defined in the following ways (there are more, but these are the relative ones). A compilation of M-W.com, dictionary.com and oxforddictionaries.com.

 

1. n. an intentionally false statement

2. v. present a false impression; be deceptive

3. n. a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; and intentional untruth; a falsehood.

4. n. something intended or serving to convey a false impression; imposture:

5. n. an inaccurate or false statement.

6. v. to speak falsely or utter untruth knowingly, as with intent to deceive. 7. v. to express what is false; convey a false impression.

8. v. to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive.

9. n. an assertion of something known or believed by the speaker to be untrue with intent to deceive

10. something that misleads or deceives.

Some of these, such as #1, 5, & 7 are definitely happening in the case of parents who tell their children Santa is real. I don't think anyone would disagree with me, right? For this reason, I think it is technically accurate to say that the Santa Myth is a lie (#1,5) and someone who tells it lies (#7) by definition. I hope this is not offensive to anyone, it is not at all meant to be. I think that as far as the word "lie" has been thrown around by those who do not do Santa, this is ALL that is meant by it - nothing more, nothing malicious, etc.

 

HOWEVER...some of these definitions, such as #2,3,6,8,9,10 include the word "deceive" or a derivative of it. Let's look at the definition of deceive:

 

1. v. to mislead by a false appearance or statement; delude:

2. v. to cause (someone) to believe something that is not true, typically in order to gain some personal advantage:

3. v. ensnare

4. v. to cause to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid

Some of these, such as #2 (noting that typically doesn't mean always) & 4 are definitely happening in the case of parents who tell their children Santa is real. I don't think anyone would disagree with me, right? For this reason, I think it is technically accurate to say that someone who tells the Santa myth deceives by definition. I hope this is not offensive to anyone, it is not at all meant to be. I think that as far as the word "deceive" has been thrown around by those who do not do Santa (myself included), this is ALL that is meant by it - nothing more, nothing malicious, etc.

 

HOWEVER - some of these definitions, such as #1, 2 and 3 include insinuations that could easily be taken offensively. I can only speak for myself, but I do not think any non-Santa'ers were invoking these definitions when using the word deceive.

 

.

Edited December 12, 2011 by Fleur de Lis

[Hunter's Moon]

I asked repeatedly and was always told he was real. I don't feel betrayed, though I don't think I will tell my children Santa is real. Once I learned he wasn't, the "magic" was lost. I would like to tell them people like to pretend to believe, though.

 

I found out around Halloween time one year in church. The pastor was talking about holidays, and the man behind us raised his hand and asked the pastor a question about telling children the myth of Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy/etc. I looked at my mom and said "I knew it!" and she gave the poor guy a death stare :lol:

 

One year though (when I still believed in Santa), my parents, my sister, and I were walking in a park a day or two after Christmas. In a wide area that was snow covered, there were sleigh tracks. No foot prints, and no evidence as to where it went. It looked as if it landed and then lifted off the ground. My parents were stunned and a few years later when I asked (when I knew Santa wasn't real), they said they had no explanation and were as stunned as us.

[Fleur de Lis]

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Edited December 12, 2011 by Fleur de Lis

[6packofun]

I asked a few times and my parents dodged the question, trying to put it off because it's FUN to have the Santa secret going for as long as you can with your kiddos!! I never felt betrayed and none of my kids have, either.

 

I think that everyone knows their own kids best and there isn't a one size fits all approach to Santa, but I also believe that a parent's attitude and level of sensitivity (to various things, and possibly an overblown sense of justice or something? I dunno) DOES play a part in how the CHILD will react.

[Jenny in Florida]

Well, some kids are going to get upset about things that are benign. For example, being blessed with a younger sibling, even having their mom wash their teddy bear. I'll bet the percentage of kids who felt betrayed at those things is higher than 12%. It doesn't mean parents should be afraid to do such things. Disappointment is a part of life.

 

Perhaps, but most of the things you mentioned are necessary. Deception in the name of "fun" is not.

[Jenny in Florida]

Well, I would say that the Santa thing was indicative of how far my parents would go to make us happy. They had practically nothing, and yet they went all out in so many ways because it was wonderful for us. Apparently Santa itself isn't the relevant distinction here. It's whether or not our parents showed us that they cared about us.

 

No, I don't think that's true.

 

My parents went "all out," too, but it was by throwing money at the situation, rather than time. From the outside, it looked wonderful. I know many kids envied me. And I know my parents believed what they were doing showed me how much they cared.

 

And I would argue that it is entirely possible to go "all out" trying to make a child happy and to show you care without perpetuating a lie at the same time.

[Jenny in Florida]

Nope.

 

Sorry, can't let that one pass.

 

One's feelings do not determine intent on the part of the other party. A child feeling lied to does not mean the parents deliberately intended to be deceitful.

 

My husband brought me roses. We didn't have any money at the time, so I was irritated that he spent the money. My irritation does not mean that he set out to irritate me. His intent was still to surprise and delight, in spite of my reaction.

 

Cat

 

Okay, but there is nothing inherently wrong or unethical about buying you roses. I would argue that there is about practicing deception.

[Embassy]

Other...never had the situation come up. My parents never told me Santa was real in the first place. I never felt like I was missing something. I've done the same thing with my kids. They love Christmas.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I grew up in a cult/church that was VERY anti-Christmas, so I knew Santa wasn't real. I can't rememeber if I ever asked or if I was told preemptively, but I didn't believe in magic either, so I doubt I would have believed it for a minute anyway.

 

I celebrate Christmas now (left that cult/church as soon as I was 18) and I have heard of the children feeling devastated/losing trust in their parents. We are not "doing Santa," and as we don't have many friends with kids, this hasn't been an issue, yet. We are not doing the Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy either. Thankfully, dh's parents are respectful of our choice. I don't have to worry about my side because they all still belong to that cult/church.

[KS_]

I don't remember if I specifically asked or not, because everyone acted like he was real and so I don't know that I ever disbelieved until I realized he wasn't real (and I was around 9). I adored my grandma and she played it up, along with my grandpa and parents. They would have someone ring the doorbell and leave the presents outside and once someone was dressed up as Santa as we drove into the driveway from being gone. Being an only child, I didn't have siblings to discuss it with and so just believed as I was told.

 

So when I did find out (and I don't remember how), I did feel very betrayed, mainly because my grandma (who I spent a lot of time with - basically living over there when I was young) lied to me. I trusted her implicitly and really just adored her, and so it was really devastating to me at the time.

[Tap]

I am the baby of a big family, and I don't really remember ever thinking he was truly real. I remember my parents pretending that there was a Santa, and I would just play along to make them happy, and I was pretty young.

 

I said that I asked once and wasn't betrayed, because I assume I was fooled when I was really little, but I don't remember it being a big deal.

 

In fact, I remember getting annoyed with my parents carrying on and pretending he was real when I was about 6 or so. I told them I knew it was them, but they still continued on with what I thought was silliness. (I am a logical person, and never pretend played....it didn't make sense to me LOL)

[TranquilMind]

Nope.

 

Sorry, can't let that one pass.

 

One's feelings do not determine intent on the part of the other party. A child feeling lied to does not mean the parents deliberately intended to be deceitful.

 

My husband brought me roses. We didn't have any money at the time, so I was irritated that he spent the money. My irritation does not mean that he set out to irritate me. His intent was still to surprise and delight, in spite of my reaction.

 

Cat

 

This is not analogous.

 

If your husband TOLD YOU he didn't buy you roses, but he really did, he lied to you, no two ways about it. He may not have intended to irritate you but he DID lie to you, no matter how much he claims he was just "pretending" in fun that he didn't do something.

 

If a child was told something was true that was not, he was lied to. Whether he "feels" that he was lied to or not is irrelevant. Some will let it pass, but sorry, some are going to call you on it, and there is no principled way to claim that this lie is different than any other lie, like the ones you expect them not to tell.

Edited December 6, 2011 by TranquilMind

[TranquilMind]

So those who feel betrayed that their parents told them a cultural fantasy story still resent their parents for 'lying'?

 

 

That is an interesting choice of words.

 

Reading your child "Cinderella" or "The Wizard of Oz" is a cultural fantasy story. You don't preface it by telling the child that the characters are true and they had better believe and be good. That would be a lie, not a "fantasy story".

 

We all have read fantasies to our children. Fairy tales and the like.

 

Now if you are treating Santa the same as Cinderella or Superman. "Kids, I'm going to read to you a story", then the comparison is appropriate. But if you are telling the kids that Santa is real and brings them presents, you are lying. There really just isn't any way around it no matter what words you choose.

[happyhomemaker]

My dad turns 60 this year. To this day he will still mention how horrible it was when he found out Santa isn't real. He was positive he wouldn't get any presents and felt really guilty for discovering his toys (he was looking for something else and found the toy hiding spot accidently). He was determined that none of his kids would go through that.

 

I never thought Santa was real (obviously from the above story), and I had great Christmases. We didnt do Santa, but we still had a festive, wonderful season and I am continuing that with my kids.

 

Truthfully, I don't understand about lying to your kids about Santa. You can have just as wonderful of a holiday without the lie. Sure it doesn't bother some kids, but it does scar some and you won't know which way your child will react until it happens. Not worth it to me. I want my kids to know that they can count on me to tell them the truth. That is more important to me than letting my kids experience a short-lived fantasy.

[lorrainejmc]

I never asked my parents outright but I asked a lot of "how does Santa do it?" questions, which my dad always had really creative answers to. I was told by a friend at school just after Christmas when I was 8. I wasn't mad at my parents but I felt humiliated by this "friend". :glare:I didn't tell my parents and went along with it for another year, sneaking into their room to view my Cabbage Patch doll hidden in the wardrobe.:D The year after that, now aged 10, I talked about Santa with a very obvious nudge/wink.

 

The biggest disappointment for me was that once they knew that I knew, they no longer waited until I was asleep on Christmas Eve to "do Santa". As soon as I was in bed I could hear them bringing everything downstairs, and one year I remember them telling me not to come in the kitchen as they were wrapping my stocking presents. That's when the magic really went for me. Eventually they gave me money to buy my own presents.:sad:

 

I was torn about what to do with my own kids. In the end we done Santa. I thought if they were told the truth about Santa from the start, there was no going back. My 3 kids (10, 8 and 5) still believe, although the 10 yr old does have a certain knowing look.;) My 8 yr old had no interest in seeing Santa this year so.......

 

I will always "do Santa" though. I want to keep up the presents appearing as if by magic while we are all sound asleep.:001_smile:

[nd293]

I put "felt betrayed" but that doesn't really capture it. I would say that I felt silly and made-a-fool-of. It was definitely a negative feeling, although hasn't let to any lasting damage in relationships!

[edelweiss]

Oh goodness. We do Santa at our house. Apparently that means I lie to my children. I can live with that. :001_smile:

[SKL]

Perhaps, but most of the things you mentioned are necessary. Deception in the name of "fun" is not.

 

No, not "necessary" (having a second child, laundering a stuffed animal, and various other choices parents make). But these are things that the parents decided were worth the risk for disappointment. You could let a stuffed animal get filthier and filthier because you think your child is too good or too fragile for a little disappointment. You could decide you want an only child so yours never has to compete for your attention.

 

Why would Santa be worth the risk? Well, how about the fact that it nets positive for most kids in both the short and long run? How about the fact that my kid would be the odd one out at school and in our extended family if we didn't "do Santa"? How about the fact that my kid is going to be disappointed anyway if I tell her that her teachers/friends at preschool are wrong and there is no Christmas magic? How about the fact that until my kids are mature enough to be smart about it, they could go around ruining it for other kids?

[SKL]

No, I don't think that's true.

 

My parents went "all out," too, but it was by throwing money at the situation, rather than time. From the outside, it looked wonderful. I know many kids envied me. And I know my parents believed what they were doing showed me how much they cared.

 

And I would argue that it is entirely possible to go "all out" trying to make a child happy and to show you care without perpetuating a lie at the same time.

 

It sounds like you are letting your personal issues with your parents color your views of what other people should do. Just because you feel your parents didn't do right by you doesn't mean the Santa tradition makes me and my parents rotten. If your parents hadn't done Santa, you still would have felt unhappy (in fact, maybe you'd be using that as an example of how mean they were).

 

My mom's family didn't do Santa; they didn't believe in celebrating Christmas at all. They claimed it was based on religion. My mom always felt that it was because her parents didn't want to spend money on her, and used religion as an excuse. Needless to say, my mom's parents let her down in plenty of other ways. Santa or non-Santa has nothing to do with dysfunctional families.

 

And by the way, even before this thread appeared, I'd been debating telling my kids the truth about Santa in 2012. Why? Because it would be easier for me to not have to fake it. All the worrying about whether they will pick up on something someone says, having to come up with creative answers to questions about Santa logic, having to postpone seeing a great family movie because it gives it away. I actually feel kind of selfish for wanting to bust the Santa myth at a younger age than average. It's funny how people are now telling me I'm doing Santa all for selfish reasons. Oh, sure, sitting up wrapping presents all night on Christmas Eve (my poor back) is purely to further my own evil agenda.

Edited December 7, 2011 by SKL

[Fleur de Lis]

...doesn't mean the Santa tradition makes me and my parents rotten. ...

... It's funny how people are now telling me I'm doing Santa all for selfish reasons. Oh, sure, sitting up wrapping presents all night on Christmas Eve (my poor back) is purely to further my own evil agenda.

 

:001_smile: It's okay, no one is calling you or your parents rotten or selfish. :001_smile: We think you're a great mom! You'r parents are probably great, too, but it is hard to say for sure because they don't post here.

Edited December 7, 2011 by Fleur de Lis

[myfunnybunch]

This is not analogous.

 

If your husband TOLD YOU he didn't buy you roses, but he really did, he lied to you, no two ways about it. He may not have intended to irritate you but he DID lie to you, no matter how much he claims he was just "pretending" in fun that he didn't do something.

 

If a child was told something was true that was not, he was lied to. Whether he "feels" that he was lied to or not is irrelevant. Some will let it pass, but sorry, some are going to call you on it, and there is no principled way to claim that this lie is different than any other lie, like the ones you expect them not to tell.

 

I am not saying it's the same as playing Santa. Please read the post I responded to.

 

The analogy holds true. I am not addressing the ethics of playing Santa. I was responding specifically to the idea that because a child felt deceived, the parent set out to deceive.

 

How one feels about any interaction and the other person's intent are two different things. If my husband intends to delight but irritates instead, my reaction does not change his orginal intent from intent to delight to intent to bother. And if a parent plays a game with the intent to delight, and instead the child feels deceived, the child's feelings are absolutely valid. But it doesn't change the parent's intent to a deceitful one.

 

Cat

[Sputterduck]

I asked repeatedly and was told he was real. I left a note for Santa one year when we went somewhere for Christmas and made sure I was the last person who left the house so I would know that no one had been in the house to sign it, and my parents got the neighbor who had a key to sign it. There are far more things they didn't to prove Santa, but you get the idea.

 

And I felt extremely betrayed when I learned the truth. It affected my relationship with my parents because I knew then that I couldn't trust them to be honest with me.

Edited December 7, 2011 by Sputterduck

[Fleur de Lis]

if a parent plays a game with the intent to delight, and instead the child feels deceived, the child's feelings are absolutely valid. But it doesn't change the parent's intent to a deceitful one.

 

I think you two are using two different, but both correct, definitions of deceive. I mentioned earlier that one definition of the word deceive is "4. v. to cause to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid". This is the definition I had in mind when using it here earlier and what TranquilMind also probably has in mind.

 

Other definitions include "2. v. to cause (someone) to believe something that is not true, typically in order to gain some personal advantage:

3. v. ensnare" This, I am sure, is not what anyone is accusing you of by playing Santa, but I think that you (understandably) are taking the word to mean.

 

No one thinks anyone else here is trying to ensnare their own children or to gain personal advantage over them. LOL. Let's all lighten up a bit.

[Kirch]

It really seems the norm not to feel betrayed.

 

I do wonder (just a musing - not a hypothesis) what was going on in the families where the kids do feel betrayed - if there were issues with lying in general in the family of origin that makes them more sensitive to such things.

 

 

You know, I think that it probably has more to do with the personality of the child, along with factors like how seriously the family "played" the Santa game. I've always had a vivid imagination and love stories. My parents were honest with me when I asked, and I didn't have any feelings of betrayal. DH grew up in a strong family too (and I'm not sure how seriously they worked at creating the Santa magic), but he is VERY literal and honest. He did feel betrayed when he found out, so much so that he didn't want to do Santa with our kids. That fits nicely with our desire to focus more on Jesus at Christmas, so we don't do Santa and the boys know he's not real.

 

As of a couple of years ago, my niece and nephew (now 11 and 13) still believed, and SIL and BIL were doing everything they could to keep it going. I'm not sure about now--surely at least my nephew has figured it out by 13, but with the lengths they've gone to to perpetuate the belief, I wouldn't be surprised if there were/are/will be some feelings of betrayal there.

[LucyStoner]

Other. I never believed in Santa. Ever. We were poor and it struck me instantly that there could not be a Santa since I knew that not everyone got the same level of gifts.

 

My son believes despite being told otherwise. I call it proof that he is middle class. :glare::001_smile:

[edelweiss]

Geesh, and I thought I was way too serious.

 

 

I know, right?

[Fleur de Lis]

Oh goodness. We do Santa at our house. Apparently that means I lie to my children. I can live with that. :001_smile:

 

Thanks for being honest about it. LOL