zookeeper Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 If you thought your dh didn't like it? I have felt really lousy for the last decade, at least. Now, at 40, I'm getting my hormones balanced out and I feel REALLY GOOD for the first time in a long time! Last week I went clothes shopping because my wardrobe has been drab and frumpy all these years. I feel good and I want to look good! I bought some things (mostly jeans and a few shirts) that are more in style and I'm not sure dh is really happy about it. He is definitely benefiting from the new me :blushing: but I don't know what the deal is about the clothes. He SAYS I look good, but he's had some insecurity issues pop up. He's even googled "how to tell if your spouse is cheating." :glare: I guess it took him by surprise because he was away on business the week that I started really noticing a difference. He came home to a different wife than he left. There isn't anything for him to worry about but I don't like seeing him feel so insecure! What are your thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I think he'll get used to it. :) I can see why he would suddenly feel a little insecure, but as time passes and he sees that you are still you and that you still love him, it'll all be good. :) And he'll really like the new wardrobe as time passes, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 As you are growing, he is growing, too. It's so good you can share about the insecure feelings--very natural. Keep letting him reap the benefits of you feeling good about yourself--it'll go a long way towards reassuring him. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zookeeper Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 The funny thing is he read a page that he googled that said an increase in Tea desire was a sign of cheating because of guilty feelings. Darned if you do and darned if you don't! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I am sure that you can find great ways to reassure him. That is all. (Wink) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 The funny thing is he read a page that he googled that said an increase in Tea desire was a sign of cheating because of guilty feelings. Darned if you do and darned if you don't! Ugh. I know that with my weightloss & happier attitude my dh has had some insecurity issues pop up, too. He didn't want me to lose too much weight. I'm not worried about that being a problem. Talk to him a lot, and have lots of tea. He'll get over it. Change is hard. My dh is now feeling better about it. I do think though they worry you'll find someone better. Yeah, the men are beating down my door with my new clothes & 4 teenagers. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I do think though they worry you'll find someone better. Yeah, the men are beating down my door with my new clothes & 4 teenagers. :lol: I believe that a bit of mild, inspiring increase in appreciation every so often is good for a marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Well I'd be more concerned about the insecurity than the clothes. The fact that he'd google that seems more than informational. There are any number of reasons why a person would buy new clothes. The fact that he'd consider you cheating one of the options seems off to me. Why would that even occur to him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zookeeper Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 I think he's always been a bit insecure. He always says he "married over his head." When I wasn't caring too much about how I looked (not that I was sloppy, but not stylish in the least bit) he felt more secure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheAutumnOak Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 In this case, no, I wouldn't change the way I am dressing...If the situation were reversed and I was dressing frumpy and my DH expressed a desire for me to pay more attention to my appearance I would because I would feel his request is coming from a desire or need of his, not just fear...In your situation, I think it is just fear on your husband's part...Once he sees he has nothing to fear, he will get over it and will most likely be happy about the changes The funny thing is he read a page that he googled that said an increase in Tea desire was a sign of cheating because of guilty feelings. Darned if you do and darned if you don't! :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I think he'll get used to it. :) I can see why he would suddenly feel a little insecure, but as time passes and he sees that you are still you and that you still love him, it'll all be good. :) And he'll really like the new wardrobe as time passes, too. :iagree: I wouldn't change the way I dressed,no...maybe have a sit down chat with him-that might help his issues..... :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldskool Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 (edited) Have you thought maybe to buy your dh something new too? It could be a jealousy issue that has been misdirected into thinking you're cheating. Perhaps he would feel better about you looking less frumpy if he could experience some changes too? I guess it could backfire though into him thinking you were trying to change him. Hmmm. Feelings are never easy to deal with. Lesley Edited November 29, 2011 by oldskool missing punctuation:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkInTheBlue Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 No, don't change the fact that you are feeling better. Also, I personally give hima grain of salt. You would be exhibiting pretty prime signs of potential cheating. :) Years of not "seeming" to care what you look like and suddenly looking great and feeling great. :) It's a compliment. As others have said lavish him with affection and TeA. It makes it all just that much more fun! Assure him with words and actions and try to see where he might be coming from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 sounds like he has his own self esteem issues, does he need to loose weight or anything I just say this cause my dh loved it when I started getting back into shape and dropping the home school mom bag lady look - just kidding I wasn't that bad but I was frumpy and putting on weight plus due to crazy hormones Maybe you can get your dh to start some new habits you can do together, my dh and I workout and run together. which is funny cause when we first got together in the 80's I ran and he considered it a yuppie or gay guy exercise because of the head bands and small shorts - he is now a runner;) I am buying him the extra short 80's inspired mens running shorts with head band for Christmas but only as a joke. He would die before wearing them. I would diffidently keep with your new changes. He will benefit more from a wife that loves herself because then she has more love to share.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I'm curious to know why you were checking out his googling. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I would be a little weirded out if my husband suddenly changed the way he dressed (lets just say he is not very concerned about what he wears). :iagree: Have you ever watched the movie "The Mirror Has Two Faces". Sounds just like your situation. The guy goes into total shock when his wife does a makeover and goes crazy (in a funny way). Maybe you should watch it together and have a laugh over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I think it is great that you shopped and have a knock out new wardrobe. I know the older I got, the more I started dressing well, more stylish. You know why you did it. I wouldn't change the new look just because hubby is shocked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I'm curious to know why you were checking out his googling. ;) :lol: If he was on the same device as me previously, if I tape the google search bar, it automatic,y fills in the last searched thing. And I also regularly check the history on my devices bc we have kids who use them too. But it shows everything regardless of who was actually using it. I wouldn't change my clothes. He'll get over it soon enough. I will say some men don't adjust well to a happy new wife. They like the frumpy quieter wallflower. So it might be more than the clothes. It might be the whole new clothes combined with the new and improved to you you package that is bringing on the insecurities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 (snip) He SAYS I look good, but he's had some insecurity issues pop up. ? that was the first thing that occured to me. - give him lots of extra attention, that should perk him up and reward him with the new you. write him a love letter about all the things you appreciate about him, and how blessed you are to have him in your life. That he was there all those years you didn't feel well and were frumpy, you want to reward him with the brigth perky woman he fell in love with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiddenJewel Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I wouldn't change the way I was dressing in your situation unless he specifically asked me to. But I would make sure that I was extra careful to focus my attention on him in the midst of me getting my life back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zookeeper Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 FTR, I didn't check his google. He actually told me about it. lol!! He doesn't keep secrets well. He does have self esteem issues from his childhood. He was the red headed freckled kid that was picked on til he got bigger than everybody else. HE has actually lost 100lbs about 4 years ago and kept it off!! I was very proud of him for that. Thanks for the replies. It makes me feel better about things. His parents were here for thanksgiving and said some not very nice things to him on the phone about my changes. :mad: That actually made him feel better about it. :lol: I think he's adjusting and is going to be ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Thanks for the replies. It makes me feel better about things. His parents were here for thanksgiving and said some not very nice things to him on the phone about my changes. :mad: That actually made him feel better about it. :lol: I think he's adjusting and is going to be ok. :grouphug: And :glare: at the in-laws. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serendipitous journey Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 FTR, I didn't check his google. He actually told me about it. lol!! He doesn't keep secrets well. He does have self esteem issues from his childhood. He was the red headed freckled kid that was picked on til he got bigger than everybody else. HE has actually lost 100lbs about 4 years ago and kept it off!! I was very proud of him for that. Thanks for the replies. It makes me feel better about things. His parents were here for thanksgiving and said some not very nice things to him on the phone about my changes. :mad: That actually made him feel better about it. :lol: I think he's adjusting and is going to be ok. I can relate to that ... I have insecurity issues from childhood (DH and a college friend are the only people who know -- apparently I seem confident!) and at the least little thing I find myself worrying that DH is unhappy in our marriage and may be looking for a way out/some other change. Which, given my husband, is just ridiculous. He's sweet about it though. -- once he cheered me up by pointing out how much time it would take to have an affair: he claims he doesn't have the energy :D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zookeeper Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 -- once he cheered me up by pointing out how much time it would take to have an affair: he claims he doesn't have the energy :D. That's what I tell him too! I've got 7 kids who are home all day long. When would it happen??? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 His parents were here for thanksgiving and said some not very nice things to him on the phone about my changes. :mad: Will someone please tell me that I'm not the only one who is wondering what the in-laws said? ;):D Because if they felt the need to gossip about it, Janice must be looking totally HOT!!! :thumbup: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 ...Yeah, the men are beating down my door with my new clothes & 4 teenagers. :lol: This had me laughing out loud. Every once in a while my dh will ask if other men hit on me. "Oh yeah, you know I look totally hot in my beater mini-van in the Costco parking lot!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheAutumnOak Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 -- once he cheered me up by pointing out how much time it would take to have an affair: he claims he doesn't have the energy :D. That's what I tell him too! I've got 7 kids who are home all day long. When would it happen??? :lol: That is why I could not understand the stat that an increase in Tea desire signals an affair...Who has time for that much tea, when you have to serve more than one person :tongue_smilie: Will someone please tell me that I'm not the only one who is wondering what the in-laws said? ;):D Because if they felt the need to gossip about it, Janice must be looking totally HOT!!! :thumbup: No, I am also wondering! This had me laughing out loud. Every once in a while my dh will ask if other men hit on me. "Oh yeah, you know I look totally hot in my beater mini-van in the Costco parking lot!" :lol: With three kids with me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zookeeper Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 Will someone please tell me that I'm not the only one who is wondering what the in-laws said? ;):D Because if they felt the need to gossip about it, Janice must be looking totally HOT!!! :thumbup: Huh?? :confused: What the heck is that about? His mom simply has foot in mouth disease and I'm not going to post her stupid comments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Huh?? :confused: What the heck is that about? His mom simply has foot in mouth disease and I'm not going to post her stupid comments. Uhm...I'm pretty sure the previous poster was joking...:001_huh: (and paying you a bit of a compliment ;)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zookeeper Posted December 1, 2011 Author Share Posted December 1, 2011 Oh. ok. :blush: Guess maybe I'm a little touchy after MILs stupid comments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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