Reece's Rainbow--I cannot believe that this is allowed

[Laurie4b]

Isn't there some kind of licensing process for adoption agencies? I wonder if there is any federal licensing or if it is just state based or what state this agency is in. Reecesrainbow.org

 

This agency is soliciting funds to help a family with 6 children 10 and under to adopt three special needs orphans from bad orphanage situations in eastern Europe. You can find it on their "almost there" page. Can you spell RAD? Times three? plus 6? under 10?

 

This is unbelievable to me. I have never heard of an adoption agency allowing this.

 

(Our experience: We had 0 children and our efforts to adopt a domestic sibling group were aborted when I became pregnant. I was psychologically pregnant with the sibling group at the time and deeply grieved, but this is what reputable adoption agencies do. They take into account the developmental needs of the children the adopting family already has . In our case, we would have been dealing with the transition of new kids into the family about the same time our son would be born. The agency thought that was too many transitions to be handled well and encouraged us to reapply once our son was older.

 

We were experienced foster parents, and I was a children's mental health professional. We had more experience than many adoptive families with kids' needs and still they said no. in hindsight, they were right and I was naive and headstrong because I was "in love" (psychologically bonded) with the sibling group I had never met. They did their job and protected the sibling group and our family by saying no. That was good agency practice. )

 

I am just incredulous that an agency would allow this situation. To me, this is adoption malpractice. I am very curious now about adoption agency licensing.

 

If you have experience with adoption either overseas or domestically, have you ever heard of an agency allowing this type of situation to move forward? What were the restrictions that your agency had to ensure the well-being of all?

Edited November 17, 2011 by Laurie4b1

[*********]

I don't know much about adoption or RAD.

 

But it seems unfair to judge this adoption/family, since we don't know them. I'd hope that the agency is aware of how many children they have, and how they will cope with the children they are adopting.

 

I was already aware of Reece's Rainbow, and I think it's a great organization. Those children need families.

[jennsmile]

I agree but if you look the homepage they aren't an agency per se, just an organization that advocates for children.

[chepyl]

My BIL and SIL are adopting a little girl they found on Reece's Rainbow's site. They have to go through a different agency. RR is a non-profit that advocates for the kids and raises money for adoption expenses.

[aggieamy]

Isn't there some kind of licensing process for adoption agencies? I wonder if there is any federal licensing or if it is just state based or what state this agency is in. Reecesrainbow.org

 

This agency is soliciting funds to help a family with 6 children 10 and under to adopt three special needs orphans from bad orphanage situations in eastern Europe. You can find it on their "almost there" page. Can you spell RAD? Times three? plus 6? under 10?

 

This is unbelievable to me. I have never heard of an adoption agency allowing this.

 

(Our experience: We had 0 children and our efforts to adopt a domestic sibling group were aborted when I became pregnant. I was psychologically pregnant with the sibling group at the time and deeply grieved, but this is what reputable adoption agencies do. They take into account the developmental needs of the children the adopting family already has . In our case, we would have been dealing with the transition of new kids into the family about the same time our son would be born. The agency thought that was too many transitions to be handled well and encouraged us to reapply once our son was older.

 

We were experienced foster parents, and I was a children's mental health professional. We had more experience than many adoptive families with kids' needs and still they said no. in hindsight, they were right and I was naive and headstrong because I was "in love" (psychologically bonded) with the sibling group I had never met. They did their job and protected the sibling group and our family by saying no. That was good agency practice. )

 

I am just incredulous that an agency would allow this situation. To me, this is adoption malpractice. I am very curious now about adoption agency licensing.

 

If you have experience with adoption either overseas or domestically, have you ever heard of an agency allowing this type of situation to move forward? What were the restrictions that your agency had to ensure the well-being of all?

 

I find the situation very alarming. Extremely alarming when you consider the ages of the children already in the home. I find myself hoping that the situation is made up.

 

I'm also familiar with international adoption - we have two close friends that have gone through it recently and we investigated it before we chose domestic adoption. The situation is troubling.

[Laurie4b]

I find the situation very alarming. Extremely alarming when you consider the ages of the children already in the home. I find myself hoping that the situation is made up.

 

I'm also familiar with international adoption - we have two close friends that have gone through it recently and we investigated it before we chose domestic adoption. The situation is troubling.

 

How could it be made up if it's on that site? Not getting that.

[aggieamy]

How could it be made up if it's on that site? Not getting that.

 

I'm not saying that it is. Just an off the cuff remark about wishing it wasn't true. After the stories and research on RAD and children being adopted out of birth order I think it's a very poor idea and wish that it wasn't true.

[Laurie4b]

I don't know much about adoption or RAD.

 

But it seems unfair to judge this adoption/family, since we don't know them. I'd hope that the agency is aware of how many children they have, and how they will cope with the children they are adopting.

 

I was already aware of Reece's Rainbow, and I think it's a great organization. Those children need families.

 

No judgment for the family. Families can be very loving, well-meaning, and get misled. They can be victims, not people to be judged.

 

I am incredulous that an agency would allow it, on the other hand. Before judging the agency, totally, though, as you see in my post, I'm asking others for their experience with adoption agencies and wondering if this is typically allowed. I've never heard of it.

[Denisemomof4]

I don't know much about adoption or RAD.

 

But it seems unfair to judge this adoption/family, since we don't know them. I'd hope that the agency is aware of how many children they have, and how they will cope with the children they are adopting.

 

I was already aware of Reece's Rainbow, and I think it's a great organization. Those children need families.

 

Those children need families because we all want all children to have families. We all want every family to be happy, too. Some children are happier never being forced to be loved by a family. And some families would have been better off if they never had adopted.

 

RAD kids can kill, destroy, and terrorize. Not all will. There are varying degress of RAD. Some families should not adopt kids like that, because some are ill equipped to deal with such difficult and dangerous children. Some families should not adopt children like that because they can potentially endanger the safety of their children already in the home. Some families should not adopt children like that because the price to pay is too great. NOT financial, emotional. Heather Forbes did research and found that families who adopt special needs (RAD) kids have a 70% divorce rate, many/most moms have health issues and fall into depression while suffering PTSD from parenting kids like that. Other parents are gifted and can parent AND love such difficult kids.

 

Having a RAD dd myself, I've questioned whether or not SHE would have been better off not being forced to conform to to a family model. She has expressed that she's angry that I took her away from her country and because so she will never meet her mother (not that she ever could), she's expressed anger at adopting her because she's Chinese and we're not, etc.

 

Everyone, me include, assumes that love is enough and it is what these kids want and need. Love TERRIFIES these kids.

 

I'm thankful my dd has come a long way, but there are many, many, MANY children who CAN'T be helped, who have destroyed families due to RAD, and there are many, many residential facilities filled with RAD kids.

 

ANY agency adopting THREE special needs kids to a family who already has six children in the home is totally reckless to me.

 

Bethany, I'm not speaking against you personally, I'm speaking against the common belief that you have and that I once had before my RAD came into our home. I had absolutely NO idea what we were getting ourselves into. I can tell you FOR SURE that I don't think I'd be alive today if we had adopted THREE RAD kids..... and I only had three children in the home when we adopted.

 

My dd's behaviors are only a small fraction of what they once were. The work I have had to put into her has aged me TREMENDOUSLY and I believe it has taken years off of my life. I hope in the end it will be worth it all. IF she can grow up to be happy to be a part of our family and remain in relationship, will be able to take care of herself on her own, and will be able to maintain relationships with friends and/or lovers, then I will consider it worth it. I don't care if she spends her life selling booger art. If she can do everything else I highlighted above, it will have all been worth it. ETA: And for her to be able to grow up and love us on top of it all, that would be the icing on the cake.

Edited November 17, 2011 by Denisemomof4

[aggieamy]

Denise - :grouphug:. I always appreciate your posts because you really have experience with this. Your youngest daughter is the one with RAD, right? I've always heard the number one rule of adoption is to not change birth order. Do you think you could have been as good of a parent to your RAD DD if you had children younger than her in the home also?

[Denisemomof4]

No judgment for the family. Families can be very loving, well-meaning, and get misled. They can be victims, not people to be judged.

 

 

 

:seeya:

 

 

 

 

 

nope. NEVER heard of it.

[Tap]

This is such a hot topic for me that I am going to refrain from answering. :iagree: with Denise and just want to send virtual hugs to anyone who has been touched by adoption....for better or worse.

[Pamela H in Texas]

ANY agency adopting THREE special needs kids to a family who already has six children in the home is totally reckless to me.

 

I don't agree here. There is information to suggest that large experienced families can be a HUGE help to even more children for a great number of reasons, one of which is to NOT have sooooo much individualized attention, parental focus, etc. The other thing is that one of ten or sixteen kids is much less likely to have the "job" of parental hopes. There are families and articles on the adoptuskids.org website that discuss this more.

 

However, I know *that* situation isn't what is being discussed here. And I most certainly think that people *must* become educated about the issues of older child adoption. It is not something to go into lightly and we can't save the world. It is hard as we're trying to decide whether to add one more or to sick with the ones we have. My heart wants a houseful (or so), but I need to be able to do best by every child we are blessed with.

Edited November 17, 2011 by 2J5M9K

[jennsmile]

Laurie4b your pm box is full....

[Denisemomof4]

I don't agree here. There is information to suggest that large experienced families can be a HUGE help to even more children for a great number of reasons, one of which is to NOT have sooooo much individualized attention, parental focus, etc. There are families and articles on the adoptuskids.org website that discuss this more.

 

However, I know *that* situation isn't what is being discussed here.

 

I do find this particular discussion problematic considering the family member just posted the other day. Would you want to post one day just to have your family members discussed harshly a few days later? EEK.

 

no, isn't this a family that Laurie just found out about when she got a mailing from Reeces? I don't believe it's the same family. If it is, I'm going to leave my post for others to read because sometimes I think it's my purpose to educate people about RAD. :001_smile: Yes, sometimes I do.

 

If it is the same family, I also want to apologize if I have upset you in anyway.

 

But about adopting special needs sibling groups out to large families, I think it's a very dangerous practice when some of the kids are much younger than the special needs kids being adopted. I don't think it should be allowed.

Edited November 17, 2011 by Denisemomof4

[Pamela H in Texas]

I think it's a very dangerous practice when some of the kids are much younger than the special needs kids being adopted.

 

Most of the situations I've read about have been people adopting older children and usually they don't have biological children or their biological children are also older.

 

And yet sometimes people make all sorts of things work. But like you, I definitely agree that people need to go in with their eyes wide open. Also, there is a huge difference in adopting a child you've gotten to know vs one that you get a picture and minimal information which may not even be accurate. An 11yo from another home in my agency vs one from a poor orphanage in another country is a HUGE difference. But generally, I agree that I would need to think REALLY hard about adding a special needs 11yo to my crew regardless. Maybe in 15 years. :)

Edited November 17, 2011 by 2J5M9K

[Tmhearn]

I agree that this is obviously the same family that was mentioned the other day. Not that your opinion should change because of that fact... In fact, if you'd like more details, you could check out the other thread. The mom's sister is taking all 6 kids, including a 3 month old newborn, while mom travels. The other thread has a link to the adopting mom's blog.

[justasque]

 

I do find this particular discussion problematic considering the family member just posted the other day. Would you want to post one day just to have your family members discussed harshly a few days later? EEK.

 

The family in question's mom's sister is a boardie here, and posted about minding her sister's children (including a 3 month old) while her sister went abroad to pick up the three boys being adopted.

 

If you want to raise concerns, which I think is a worthwhile topic, it's probably best to speak gently and respectfully, and perhaps more about the scenario generally than about this family in particular.

[Denisemomof4]

Denise - :grouphug:. I always appreciate your posts because you really have experience with this. Your youngest daughter is the one with RAD, right? I've always heard the number one rule of adoption is to not change birth order. Do you think you could have been as good of a parent to your RAD DD if you had children younger than her in the home also?

 

I believe my younger children would have had their safety seriously jeopardized if my RAD dd was older than my other children. Absolutely. So no, I don't think I could have been as good a parent to her, and I likely would have followed through on the disruption I once considered.

[ilovemy6kids]

I totally understand the concerns of the posters here, they have valid concerns. Reese's Rainbow just raises money to help with adoptions, they are not an agency.

If you check their site, their mission statement is to raise awareness about orphans in other countries and to raise money to reduce the cost of their adoptions.

They post bios of children and people can donate money to help a certain child get adopted. The money stays with the child to whom the person donated it. They do not make any decisions about who gets to adopt who.

I just did not want this site to get a bad rap for a situation they did not make any decisions about.

This is my understanding of the site, feel free to correct me if I am wrong.

Edited November 17, 2011 by ilovemy6kids

[jenncslp]

What family/page are you referring to? I think it completely depends on the family and situation. I don't think you, or most people get that these children are on very limited time. If they are not adopted by a very young age, they are sentenced to an adult institution (the equivalent of an insane asylum) FOREVER! I have a friend (a nurse) overseas right now helping a family get a 9 1/2 year old little girl with Down Syndrome that is 11 pounds. 11 pounds!! They will be escorted from the airport to the closest children's hospital.

 

So, yes, if I have a choice of a big family or children starving or dying, I'd choose the big family. Some families can do it, some kids thrive...just because it wasn't for you, doesn't mean it isn't for others.

[butterflymommy]

Honestly I think it depends on the family... there is an amazing documentary called "My Flesh and Blood" about a single mom with 11 adopted special needs children. At least 2 of the girls are from Eastern Europe. No, the mom is not perfect and life was not perfect in the house; one of her sons was outright psychotic and violent, but the mom handles them all with such emotional grace it's astonishing. So there *are* people out there who can handle very difficult children without being destroyed by them. I wouldn't rush to judgment on this situation without knowing more details.

 

The docu is on netflix streaming if anyone is interested.

[indigomama]

What family/page are you referring to? I think it completely depends on the family and situation. I don't think you, or most people get that these children are on very limited time. If they are not adopted by a very young age, they are sentenced to an adult institution (the equivalent of an insane asylum) FOREVER! I have a friend (a nurse) overseas right now helping a family get a 9 1/2 year old little girl with Down Syndrome that is 11 pounds. 11 pounds!! They will be escorted from the airport to the closest children's hospital.

 

So, yes, if I have a choice of a big family or children starving or dying, I'd choose the big family. Some families can do it, some kids thrive...just because it wasn't for you, doesn't mean it isn't for others.

:iagree:

 

Have you read what happens to these children once they reach age 5 or 6?! Have you seen it? I lived in a Eastern European country and the orphanages and institutions I went to were considered good, and they were far from what a child in foster care in the states would ever be exposed to. No human being deserves that.

Can every family adopt, should every family adopt special needs, no. But it doesn't mean that no one should. Maybe they have a great resource of family and friends that are going to be very involved in their lives and help.

 

Also, as mentioned above RR is not an agency. The families have to get their home studies done by an adoption agency in their area, and in some countries they complete the process independently. Ukraine for example does not allow agencies but Russia does. The family also has to get the approval from the country they are adopting from. It's not like no one knows how many kids they have or their ages.

[Tmhearn]

I could be wrong here, but I kinda get that the OP is concerned about the children already in the family (especially the one's that are younger than the 3 being adopted). Yes, the 3 in the orphanage are in a dire situation. But, the children in the home already could be looking at a dire situation too.

[aggieamy]

I could be wrong here, but I kinda get that the OP is concerned about the children already in the family (especially the one's that are younger than the 3 being adopted). Yes, the 3 in the orphanage are in a dire situation. But, the children in the home already could be looking at a dire situation too.

 

I believe that is Laurie (and others) concern. Nobody is saying that these children in orphanages don't deserve a good loving home. Everyone thinks they deserve that. The worry is that it's at the cost of two children under the age of three already in the home.

[Denisemomof4]

I believe that is Laurie (and others) concern. Nobody is saying that these children in orphanages don't deserve a good loving home. Everyone thinks they deserve that. The worry is that it's at the cost of two children under the age of three already in the home.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[annandatje]

...

Edited November 18, 2011 by annandatje
tmi

[unsinkable]

I totally understand the concerns of the posters here, they have valid concerns. Reese's Rainbow just raises money to help with adoptions, they are not an agency.

If you check their site, their mission statement is to raise awareness about orphans in other countries and to raise money to reduce the cost of their adoptions.

They post bios of children and people can donate money to help a certain child get adopted. The money stays with the child to whom the person donated it. They do not make any decisions about who gets to adopt who.

I just did not want this site to get a bad rap for a situation they did not make any decisions about.

This is my understanding of the site, feel free to correct me if I am wrong.

 

RR may not be the agency but they are very much a part of this if they are hosting a fundraising site for these adoptions.

[Tap]

Honestly I think it depends on the family... there is an amazing documentary called "My Flesh and Blood" about a single mom with 11 adopted special needs children. At least 2 of the girls are from Eastern Europe. No, the mom is not perfect and life was not perfect in the house; one of her sons was outright psychotic and violent, but the mom handles them all with such emotional grace it's astonishing. So there *are* people out there who can handle very difficult children without being destroyed by them. I wouldn't rush to judgment on this situation without knowing more details.

 

The docu is on netflix streaming if anyone is interested.

 

Yes, she may be able to handle it, but what about the other children? What should they have to tolerate just because one person decides to continue adopting?

 

I can tell you first hand, that when we finalized on dd4 at 2yo, the state had ZERO regard for my bio-children in my home. I asked for a 3mth extention due to dd5 being so violent toward dd13 at the time, so we could get dd5 evaluated by a psychologist before we finalized. We were told "no", and that if we pushed for it, dd5 "would be removed from our home, as we would then be seen as a 'non-commited' family". We had had dd5 for 2.5years at that time.

[Denisemomof4]

Yes, she may be able to handle it, but what about the other children? What should they have to tolerate just because one person decides to continue adopting?

 

I can tell you first hand, that when we finalized on dd4 at 2yo, the state had ZERO regard for my bio-children in my home. I asked for a 3mth extention due to dd5 being so violent toward dd13 at the time, so we could get dd5 evaluated by a psychologist before we finalized. We were told "no", and that if we pushed for it, dd5 "would be removed from our home, as we would then be seen as a 'non-commited' family". We had had dd5 for 2.5years at that time.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

When I was crying out for help. the professionals and all the help was aimed at RAD dd, I said. "I don't want her needs to be the entire focus! We have sacrificed the well being of FIVE people for the sake of ONE, and it has done no good!"

 

The price our children have paid because of this adoption is too great to be quantified.

 

Again, MUCH better and MUCH more manageable now, but at what price?

 

I never, ever take comments to me or my situation personally because unless one has lived with a RAD child, people have NO CLUE. NONE. NADA.

[chepyl]

RR may not be the agency but they are very much a part of this if they are hosting a fundraising site for these adoptions.

 

Reece's Rainbow has no say in who gets to adopt the kids. Yes, they could stop raising fund if they did not agree with the adoption scenario, but what good would that do...really...If the family has already been approved, it may just slow things down if the family needs a little more money.

 

They start the fund-raising before the kids are matched with families. It is possible that all of the money was raised for the kids before the family committed to them. They raise the money to help encourage people to adopt these kids, it is expensive and by having some of the money there already, some families may be more inclined to adopt.

[unsinkable]

Reece's Rainbow has no say in who gets to adopt the kids. Yes, they could stop raising fund if they did not agree with the adoption scenario, but what good would that do...really...If the family has already been approved, it may just slow things down if the family needs a little more money.

 

They start the fund-raising before the kids are matched with families. It is possible that all of the money was raised for the kids before the family committed to them. They raise the money to help encourage people to adopt these kids, it is expensive and by having some of the money there already, some families may be more inclined to adopt.

 

but you don't do the "right thing" simply because it will have an effect.

 

my point is that the RR is part of this. how can they not be?

[Jean in Newcastle]

My personal opinion is that all prospective adoptive parents should be cautioned and given tons of information about the risks and potential impact on the family. But - once the situation is finalized and the children are being actually brought into the family (as is happening in this particular family) that the focus needs to shift to helping that family have the healthiest possible outcome. I realize that there is still time to back out of things but I think that would be damaging in and of itself unless there were a specific reason for doing so. Yes, there is potential for RAD - and in some situations that potential is even greater than others - but we do not know all the ins and outs of this situation.

[pfamilygal]

There is a family in my town that has adopted through RR. They had two bio kids (well, all the kids are carbon-based, but you know what I mean) that were 13 and 10 (I think?). In a one year period they adopted 5 kids through RR. 4 with DS and one with severe CP. They are doing well, but it has been a huge adjustment. To put it mildly. The last little one they got was 3 1/2 yrs old and weighed 11 lbs on arrival in the US. http://carringtonscourage.blogspot.com/2011_11_01_archive.html

 

ETA: It looks like they're adopting again. Two more special needs boys. Wow. We only know each other through friends, so I didn't know that. Whew. I can't imagine.

 

We would like to adopt through RR at some point. I have a soft spot for Down Syndrome kids and kids with HIV. I have an adopted niece and nephew with HIV, and I'm an RN, so I feel like I would be well-prepared.

Edited November 18, 2011 by pfamilygal

[jennsmile]

 

The docu is on netflix streaming if anyone is interested.

 

No longer streaming.

[garddwr]

What family/page are you referring to? I think it completely depends on the family and situation. I don't think you, or most people get that these children are on very limited time. If they are not adopted by a very young age, they are sentenced to an adult institution (the equivalent of an insane asylum) FOREVER! I have a friend (a nurse) overseas right now helping a family get a 9 1/2 year old little girl with Down Syndrome that is 11 pounds. 11 pounds!! They will be escorted from the airport to the closest children's hospital.

 

So, yes, if I have a choice of a big family or children starving or dying, I'd choose the big family. Some families can do it, some kids thrive...just because it wasn't for you, doesn't mean it isn't for others.

 

:iagree:

[dsmama]

I am a parent of kids by birth and adoption. One of mine has special needs.

 

I am also a fundraiser for Reece's Rainbow, have met the founder (and Reece) in person. They are a great organization, and, yes, they are a non-profit whose goal is to raise awareness and funds. They do not approve families to adopt, but serve more as an information and support clearinghouse.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I really think that attachment disorder training should be a given for all high-risk adoptions. We had a little RADish 14years ago and were clueless. Having another special needs child at the time (and all five children were under five) made it very challenging. I wish I had known SOMETHING, maybe we could have made it work.

 

Now our kiddos have attachment issues and though one was previously thought RAD, we don't believe that is the case. I'm much more concerned about another one of them actually; but still thinking it's not RAD.

 

Unless I missed it, it is possible these children don't have RAD, really possible. However, obviously, it is a real consideration also. Are these parents ready for that? And the kids *do* have other special needs other than being older and from EE, right? That is just a lot to take on with such a full young family as it is. I really hope they have an amazing support system. I also hope they are truly educated and ready.

[ZooRho]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

When I was crying out for help. the professionals and all the help was aimed at RAD dd, I said. "I don't want her needs to be the entire focus! We have sacrificed the well being of FIVE people for the sake of ONE, and it has done no good!"

 

The price our children have paid because of this adoption is too great to be quantified.

 

Again, MUCH better and MUCH more manageable now, but at what price?

 

I never, ever take comments to me or my situation personally because unless one has lived with a RAD child, people have NO CLUE. NONE. NADA.

I understand. I am with you on the concern. We had a disrupted placement.

 

We still say the child was a gift that kept on giving. It was not a good gift either. 10 years later there is still damage in the family.

 

Total believer that the original children should stay in birth order.

[Happy2BaMom]

I'm a former foster parent (fp'd for three years) and dh and I explored both domestic & int'l adoption for a couple years as well. Gave it up for a couple of reasons, some having to do with our age (older), our children's ages (young) and everything we learned about RAD, FASD, etc. However, the biggest reason was that we learned how. incredibly. common. RAD and/or FASD is/are in adoptive children, whether domestic or int'l. It's the dirty little secret no one in the adoptive world will really own up to. And some parents do wonderfully with those children. A lot, however, really struggle and are completely unprepared for the challenges that these children bring. (side note: younger is not always better. An acquaintance of mine adopted an 18-month-old from the Ukraine. By the time he was 3, she had to sleep in his room every single night to keep him from harming her older children during the night. She was unable to leave him alone in a room for even a minute due to his rages and resulting destructive behavior. This stuff is not pretty.)

 

 

RAD. It has to be experienced to be believed. MHO: The only people who continue to proclaim "love is all you need" are those who haven't done foster or adoptive parenting.

[silliness7]

I am a parent of kids by birth and adoption. One of mine has special needs.

 

I am also a fundraiser for Reece's Rainbow, have met the founder (and Reece) in person. They are a great organization, and, yes, they are a non-profit whose goal is to raise awareness and funds. They do not approve families to adopt, but serve more as an information and support clearinghouse.

 

So how does Reece's Rainbow work? Do you go to their website, fall in love with a child and ask to adopt him/her? Are you then on your own to find an adoption agency that will take you through all of the necessary legal hoops or does Reece's Rainbow have adoption agencies that they recommend or require? If you are on your own, who communicates with Reese regarding your approval status, the adoption agency or the adopting parents?

[dsmama]

So how does Reece's Rainbow work? Do you go to their website, fall in love with a child and ask to adopt him/her? Are you then on your own to find an adoption agency that will take you through all of the necessary legal hoops or does Reece's Rainbow have adoption agencies that they recommend or require? If you are on your own, who communicates with Reese regarding your approval status, the adoption agency or the adopting parents?

 

Here is the process, as outlined on the RR web site. http://reecesrainbow.org/new-family/the-international-adoption-process

 

 

(Please note: I am not an employee of this organization and am not their representative. I'm just a person with a heart for orphans who loves their mission and helps raise funds for a particular one -- my blog has more info.)

[Pamela H in Texas]

(side note: younger is not always better. An acquaintance of mine adopted an 18-month-old from the Ukraine. By the time he was 3, she had to sleep in his room every single night to keep him from harming her older children during the night. She was unable to leave him alone in a room for even a minute due to his rages and resulting destructive behavior. This stuff is not pretty.)

 

This is true. As y'all can see, my kiddos are pretty young. Also, I have a friend who got three children (non-siblings) as infants. They are all very affected, especially the middle one. Early trauma, issues in pregnancy, the first few months, etc can all really change how a child *is*. They *may* be able to overcome a LOT in time, but it isn't going to be overnight.

 

In better news, my kids have done tons times better since learning they are being adopted. Sometimes permanency helps! Of course, maybe this is some kind of honeymoon of sorts and they will go nuts again as they worry about how permanent it is, get scared of it being permanent, etc.

[silliness7]

Here is the process, as outlined on the RR web site. http://reecesrainbow.org/new-family/the-international-adoption-process

 

 

(Please note: I am not an employee of this organization and am not their representative. I'm just a person with a heart for orphans who loves their mission and helps raise funds for a particular one -- my blog has more info.)

 

Thank you very much!! That answered a ton of questions.

[garddwr]

It's good to hear the perspective of people who have experience with these challenging children. My heart aches for children who have suffered through abuse or deprivation--I really think someday we will make one of these children (or more) our own--but whenever it comes to mind I know now is not the time. I think for us if the time comes it will be when our own children are older--they are where our attentions need to be right now.

I agree that adoptive families need real preparation and a support network. I would be interested in knowing what percentage of these kids develop RAD. I haven't seen it at all in the families I know; there have of course been some challenges along the way, but both birth and adoptive children a well-adjusted and happy.

[Haiku]

I really think that attachment disorder training should be a given for all high-risk adoptions.

 

Honestly, while I think this sounds nice, I'm not sure this is what's actually needed the most. Basic info about RAD/attachment disorders and how to recognize attachment disorder is important, but, imo, the absolute non-negotiable is having a service plan in place BEFORE the child comes into your home. Assume their will be issues and create a service plan to address them so that parents know EXACTLY where to go if/when they need help. If you end up not needing help, great.

 

We were educated about attachment issues before our dd arrived. Ok, great, but when we needed help, it took TWO YEARS to find the appropriate services. We should have known where these services were before dd ever arrived.

 

Tara

[mom2jjka]

I have not adopted and I do not have experience with children with these sorts of disabilities, so please take what I say with a grain of (well intended salt) - but....

I wonder if many of the children on the RR site are considered so developmentally disabled, that they will remain infant-like, therefore the danger of RAD, (and any 'dangerous' behaviors associated with it,) are really not an issue. :confused:

[herbalgirl]

it seems unfair to judge this adoption/family, since we don't know them. I'd hope that the agency is aware of how many children they have, and how they will cope with the children they are adopting.

 

I was already aware of Reece's Rainbow, and I think it's a great organization. Those children need families.

 

:iagree:

[deacongirl]

Honestly, while I think this sounds nice, I'm not sure this is what's actually needed the most. Basic info about RAD/attachment disorders and how to recognize attachment disorder is important, but, imo, the absolute non-negotiable is having a service plan in place BEFORE the child comes into your home. Assume their will be issues and create a service plan to address them so that parents know EXACTLY where to go if/when they need help. If you end up not needing help, great.

 

We were educated about attachment issues before our dd arrived. Ok, great, but when we needed help, it took TWO YEARS to find the appropriate services. We should have known where these services were before dd ever arrived.

 

Tara

 

YES. This is exactly right.:iagree:

[Denisemomof4]

It's good to hear the perspective of people who have experience with these challenging children. My heart aches for children who have suffered through abuse or deprivation--I really think someday we will make one of these children (or more) our own--but whenever it comes to mind I know now is not the time. I think for us if the time comes it will be when our own children are older--they are where our attentions need to be right now.

I agree that adoptive families need real preparation and a support network. I would be interested in knowing what percentage of these kids develop RAD. I haven't seen it at all in the families I know; there have of course been some challenges along the way, but both birth and adoptive children a well-adjusted and happy.

 

because you haven't seen it means nothing. And many moms learn not to talk about it. WHy? Because their kids are little angels around other people. They put on their little charming act, or their helpless little soul act, and nobody could ever believe that the child could do things you claim. I'm so very thankful to have great friends who BELIEVE me and are a wonderful support to me. Most adoptive moms don't have that, and so many just begin to isolate themselves from the world because it's easier. I've been tempted but I refuse to allow that to happen to my life or my dd11's life.