A Different Christmas

[shlee111]

I love giving gifts and shopping for my family and friends, but in the end most of the presents are lost or forgotten just a year later. It's been on my heart recently to do Christmas differently this year. As a Christian, I know when I serve others I am serving Christ, so I want the focus of our Christmas to be about Jesus: giving and service to others. Ideally I'd like to spend every "Christmas dollar" on someone who needs it locally or internationally. We have some catalogs where you can buy unique gifts of livestock or supplies to set up a small business to help families get a start on providing for their basic needs. We'd also give to some local charities and volunteer here. My 5 year old is on board with the idea as well, and I know it could be an really great.

 

I have a few questions about how to handle the differences with my family this year. Should I just explain to everyone what our plan is and tell them that we won't be giving any gifts this year? How would you receive this? We certainly don't expect any gifts, but I'm just not sure how to approach it. I don't want to sound ungrateful or like I'm making things difficult, but I really just feel like this is right for our family this year. Anyone done this before or have any advice?

[Starr]

We have friends that send us a card every year letting us know a donation has been made. It's very nice. Maybe you can give little fun presents if you have young relatives.

[OrganicAnn]

I found a wonderful organization - Appalachian Christian Project. They have two catelogs - one where you can buy things made by individuals - so supporting a person working in Appalachia. The second is a straight up donation - like you buy a kid school supplies. There are also gifts like Heiffer International - where you can buy a family a chicken, goat, cow etc in the honor of someone. This is especially good for those hard to buy for people.

 

I've found that it is better to transition slowly. Give family/friends time to adjust - afterall it is already October. When people make sudden switches in their Christmas giving, it almost feels like they are doing it for attention.... hey look how good we are. You can donate your time in the weeks leading up to Christmas, buy gifts that help someone and make homemade gifts still have a Christmas.

[IrresistibleGrace]

Hi!

 

We've ordered from catalogs like the one you described and they send you cards that you can then give to family and friends letting them know a purchase has been made "in their name" to help someone in need. So you are still sharing a gift with family, the gift of helping others!

 

I don't think you need to give others advance notice. Unless maybe it is a family with small children that will be expecting a gift they can open and hold and play with. In that case, maybe you can get the kiddos a little something or you and your 5yo can make homemade gifts for them!

 

It's a great idea - maybe take it slowly, a little at a time!

[DawnM]

My family would be fine with this, DH's would NOT.

[Garga]

I love the whole gift thing, so I would be mildly disappointed if my family didn't want to do it. But, I'd get over it in about 5 seconds. I wouldn't think you'd "ruined Christmas!" or anything. You might expect that they'll express dismay when you first tell them, but (if they're reasonable people), they'll hopefully get over in a few minutes.

[brett_ashley]

Have you heard of AdventConspiracy? Watch this video--you won't regret it!

 

http://www.youtube.com/embed/yerUGAF1w1w

 

 

 

For those who won't watch:

The idea is that instead of giving "presents", you give "presence," (like a date type of gift or a handmade gift). Less shopping, more serving. Then, you take the money you would have spent on gifts and give it to build clean water wells in the third world.

 

We've done it now three years in a row and it's an amazing experience.

 

Some of our gifts:

 

 

• a box of shotgun shells for FIL, my husband took him to the woods to shoot targets like they did when he was younger
  
• i made my mom 10 meals for the freezer--she is parenting teens and caring for elderly parents so her cooking time is zilch
  
• for my dad I signed us up for a 5k together
  
• for my sister I designed and printed address labels since they bought their first home
  
• for my niece i made a homemade memory game with pictures of family members
  
• for my other sister i made a silhouette of my niece
  
• for my SIL I painted her bedroom for her
  
• etc.
  

 

 

It is a ton of work but so much more rewarding than spending $1k at Amazon! Everyone LOVED it.

[KristinaBreece]

Have you heard of AdventConspiracy? Watch this video--you won't regret it!

 

http://www.youtube.com/embed/yerUGAF1w1w

 

 

 

For those who won't watch:

The idea is that instead of giving "presents", you give "presence," (like a date type of gift or a handmade gift). Less shopping, more serving. Then, you take the money you would have spent on gifts and give it to build clean water wells in the third world.

 

We've done it now three years in a row and it's an amazing experience.

 

Some of our gifts:

 

 

• a box of shotgun shells for FIL, my husband took him to the woods to shoot targets like they did when he was younger

• i made my mom 10 meals for the freezer--she is parenting teens and caring for elderly parents so her cooking time is zilch

• for my dad I signed us up for a 5k together

• for my sister I designed and printed address labels since they bought their first home

• for my niece i made a homemade memory game with pictures of family members

• for my other sister i made a silhouette of my niece

• for my SIL I painted her bedroom for her

• etc.

 

 

It is a ton of work but so much more rewarding than spending $1k at Amazon! Everyone LOVED it.

 

That's a cool idea!

 

 

ETA: I almost just said to you: "You know, Brett Ashley is a character in The Sun Also Rises..." Then I remembered what forum I'm on. I would bet you did that on purpose. :)

[IsabelC]

I'd say go ahead and do what your heart is telling you to do for sure, but with one caution: mention it to your family and friends to canvas their reaction. Some people are delighted to receive a card saying you have made a donation on their behalf, while others, well, aren't so impressed. If you have people who wouldn't appreciate that gesture, it might be better to just explain that you are spending your $ on people in real need. Also it might be good to start talking to people very soon, otherwise it could possibly be awkward if people have already spent a lot on gifts for you and you start feeling you ought to reciprocate. I'm telling you this because we made the mistake of abandoning Christmas gift giving without saying anything, and it was rather uncomfortable when my SIL contacted me to ask whether we'd posted my niece's present, because nothing had arrived. They were great and understood why we spend on her birthday but not Christmas, however it would have been much nicer if we'd told them in advance.

 

ETA I love the 'presence' idea.

Edited October 12, 2011 by Hotdrink

[brett_ashley]

ETA: I almost just said to you: "You know, Brett Ashley is a character in The Sun Also Rises..." Then I remembered what forum I'm on. I would bet you did that on purpose. :)

 

Ha! Busted. I loved that book. The reason why I chose her name was because it's gender-ambiguous. I post on football/basketball forums for fans of my alma mater (where female posters are treated very differently). No one has suspected me of being female yet! Not a very well-read group of alumni, are we?

 

You're the first one to ever notice!

[KristinaBreece]

Ha! Busted. I loved that book. The reason why I chose her name was because it's gender-ambiguous. I post on football/basketball forums for fans of my alma mater (where female posters are treated very differently). No one has suspected me of being female yet! Not a very well-read group of alumni, are we?

 

You're the first one to ever notice!

 

I'm re-reading it right now. :D I'd noticed your name before, but thought it might be a combo of your name & your husband's name or something.

[Catwoman]

My 5 year old is on board with the idea as well...

 

Are you sure your 5 year old is really and truly on board with your idea? Are you positive she won't wake up on Christmas morning and race to the Christmas tree looking for gifts from Santa (or from you, if you don't "do Santa?")

 

Kids can easily get caught up in their parents' enthusiasm for new things, but on a day like Christmas, I'm not so sure they won't still be looking for some gifts if they have always received them in the past.

 

Personally, I think that if you feel strongly about your Different Christmas plan, you should still get gifts for the kids, and have them help you make token gifts for important family members (or pick out less-costly-than-usual presents at the store,) and use the money you would normally spend on gifts for your dh and yourself to support the worthy charities.

 

I'm sorry if I sound like I'm bashing your idea, but I would hate to see you feeling guilty on Christmas if there's a chance your dd may be very disappointed at not getting any presents.

[ktgrok]

A good inbetween gift for those outside your family is to purchase something where the proceeds go to help others. For instance I have given bracelets made by women in Kenya (I think), and the proceeds went to AIDS orphans. The bracelets cost very little to make (they were made of rolled paper) but were pretty, and most of the money I spent went to charity.

[KristinaBreece]

I like to shop at a local not-for-profit shop called Global Village. Everything there is hand made by artisans throughout the world, and the proceeds go to the artisans.

[Sushi's Mom]

Personally, I don't care for these "made a gift in your name" deals. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, this is my opinion though. I'm not one who wants gifts, I actually don't like to receive gifts (love giving them though), I just don't like that someone is making a donation 'in my name'. If I am going to have a donation in my name, I want it to be to a charity I support. Also, this idea really isn't a 'gift' to your friend/family, so calling it that doesn't seem accurate to me.

 

To me, it would be better if a family just told me they were not going to exchange gifts this year (or ever), and made their donation on their own, using their own name.

 

I don't mind receiving cards from people that say something on the back about the proceeds going to a charity, I just don't like the donation in my name thing.

 

I think it is great that you want to do something different, less materialistic, for Christmas, and if your family/friends like the donation thing, then you should do it. If there are young children you usually exchange with, you might want to consider getting them something, or tell their parents that you don't want to (or cannot) exchange gifts this year. Otherwise, they will get something for your child and you won't have something for their child, which might turn out to be embarrassing for you.

[love2read]

We give donations to a children's orphanage and the first year we made the transition I was concerned too. A few days after Thanksgiving I sent a note (snail mail) to those we used to exchange with and told them that we were making a donation this year in an effort to keep the true meaning in Christmas and to teach the children the joy in giving to those in need. I phrased it in such a way that it was obvious our children would not be expecting gifts from them. Almost everyone got in touch with me and loved the idea. Only grandma wanted to give the children gifts just the same and that was fine. We've been doing this for years now and I make sure to send out a card announcing the donation a few weeks before Christmas so there is no confusion. Many charitable organizations now have a card that you can print out stating that a donation has been made in their name.

[ktgrok]

Personally' date=' I don't care for these "made a gift in your name" deals. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, this is my opinion though. I'm not one who wants gifts, I actually don't like to receive gifts (love giving them though), I just don't like that someone is making a donation 'in my name'. If I am going to have a donation in my name, I want it to be to a charity I support. Also, this idea really isn't a 'gift' to your friend/family, so calling it that doesn't seem accurate to me.

 

To me, it would be better if a family just told me they were not going to exchange gifts this year (or ever), and made their donation on their own, using their own name.

 

I don't mind receiving cards from people that say something on the back about the proceeds going to a charity, I just don't like the donation in my name thing.

 

I think it is great that you want to do something different, less materialistic, for Christmas, and if your family/friends like the donation thing, then you should do it. If there are young children you usually exchange with, you might want to consider getting them something, or tell their parents that you don't want to (or cannot) exchange gifts this year. Otherwise, they will get something for your child and you won't have something for their child, which might turn out to be embarrassing for you.[/quote']

 

 

Hmm...I've always picked out a charity that I think represents that person to me. For instance, my sister is a teacher. She is a huge supporter of education for girls. So i dontated money to pay for a uniform for a girl in a third world country to be able to attend school. She thought that was really neat. My mom has always donated to St. Jude, because her mother did. So now for mother's day I make a donation in her and my grandma's name, who has passed away. It is always personal. Or, I just buy something that I know will give part of the proceeds to charity.

[Sushi's Mom]

A good inbetween gift for those outside your family is to purchase something where the proceeds go to help others. For instance I have given bracelets made by women in Kenya (I think), and the proceeds went to AIDS orphans. The bracelets cost very little to make (they were made of rolled paper) but were pretty, and most of the money I spent went to charity.

 

Yes, I like this idea. I have also purchased the rolled paper bracelets (wallets, too) and given as gifts. There is usually a little tag/brochure with the item and the recipients have gone and purchased more of the items for themselves and as gifts.

[rocketgirl]

Yes. We haven't done a substitution but we have scaled back gifting for the past 2 years due to finances. We'd just honestly rather spend what we have on our kids. When we add in the adults in our family, parents, inlaws, grandparents, our own brothers & sisters, there just isn't enough & it would seriously limit what we could do for our children. It was hard to say, "we're not going to buy you presents & don't buy any for us, let's just focus on the kids" because we were the only ones in the family saying that. And it has been awkward when they open awesome, expensive gifts from others & nothing really from us, in front of everyone. But the gifting & financial pressure is not what Christmas is supposed to be about. Instead we did small things, I made a huge basket of cookies, candies, etc for my inlaws. I made a photo calendar for my parents, our brothers/sisters do a silly gift exchange instead & we opted out. We still do our children's gift exchange with their cousins but we do not spend a lot of money on that.

[elfgivas]

i'm wondering if it has to be an "all or nothing" proposition? sometimes people handle change better when its all at once and very clear. other people handle it better when its gradual.

 

we started with the older adults in our families, and gave donations of specific animals that had something to do with them or with us, and sent them a card telling them about it. (eg. a beehive was donated in the name of the botanist, etc). we also included a small homemade gift of food. we started acts of service for holidays amongst ourselves (eg. on valentine's day each year the dc detail dh's car and fill it with red and white balloons so he wakes up to that on valentine's day : ). now, for most folks we give a gift of "presence" as well as of "service", but for our immediate family, we save up things they want and need, and get them for one another for christmas. there are giant jars of olives, and a basket of different coffees and a giant bin of pretzels under our tree each year, but also things that someone would particularly like. because we don't watch television, there is little to no pressure from the dc to get the "in" toy; the things they might want are usually small and specific to their hobbies and interests.

 

what an interesting thread!

ann

[Tap]

Personally' date=' I don't care for these "made a gift in your name" deals. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, this is my opinion though. I'm not one who wants gifts, I actually don't like to receive gifts (love giving them though), I just don't like that someone is making a donation 'in my name'. If I am going to have a donation in my name, I want it to be to a charity I support. Also, this idea really isn't a 'gift' to your friend/family, so calling it that doesn't seem accurate to me.

 

To me, it would be better if a family just told me they were not going to exchange gifts this year (or ever), and made their donation on their own, using their own name.

[/quote']

 

Sorry, but :iagree:

 

There are some organinzations that peole are opposed to, due to connections with other organizations.

 

Many years ago, I let everyone know that we would no longer be exchanging presents with adult siblings or nieces/nephews unless we planned to be together on the holiday itself. Between dh and I we have 30 siblings/nieces/nephews and it was breaking us to spend even 10-20 per person. All but one family, was fine with it. They got used to it. Even after cutting the 30 out, we still have a min of 10 and usually 15-20 to buy for :/ .

 

I do make a charitable donation at the holidays, and if I was still buying for the extra 24 people, I wouldn't be able to.

 

If you want to do this anyways (donation cards), I would let everyone know now exactly what you intend on doing. Some people could already be buying your gift, and you need to let them know your plans. I would also suggest that they do the same or to donate privately to an organization with the money they would have spent on you. Make sure they understand that you are not giving presents. I can imagine, it could be very awkward at gift exchanges when the person, who you give a donation card to, hands you a regular present to open. You may be fine with it, they may feel slighted.

[Jenny in Florida]

Are you sure your 5 year old is really and truly on board with your idea? Are you positive she won't wake up on Christmas morning and race to the Christmas tree looking for gifts from Santa (or from you, if you don't "do Santa?").

 

I'd be a little concerned about this, too, if it were my kid.

 

For what it's worth, I've advocated for several years that my family back off on gifts and give more to others. But I'm consistently voted down by my husband and son. But, if I were to attempt to convince them, I think I would try a few years of transitioning to the new approach. Maybe giving just a few small gifts to the kids for the first couple of years, for example, and devoting a larger portion of your holiday spending to others each year?

 

I like to shop at a local not-for-profit shop called Global Village. Everything there is hand made by artisans throughout the world, and the proceeds go to the artisans.

 

I like Ten Thousand Villages, which sounds similar. I try to buy at least a few gifts there each year.

 

Personally' date=' I don't care for these "made a gift in your name" deals. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, this is my opinion though. I'm not one who wants gifts, I actually don't like to receive gifts (love giving them though), I just don't like that someone is making a donation 'in my name'. If I am going to have a donation in my name, I want it to be to a charity I support. [/quote']

 

And this is also a little bit true.

 

I, too, am not into receiving presents. However, I would feel a little weird about being told a donation had been made on my behalf to a charity that wasn't of my choosing.

 

A couple of years ago, I finally convinced my husband that, if he felt he needed to spend money on me for Christmas, what I would like best would be if he gave the money to organizations he knows I love. So, for the last couple of Christmases, my primary gift has been a note letting me know he made a donation to one or more local organizations (homeless shelter, theatre groups, etc.).

 

My daughter is similar about this. Some of her favorite recent gifts have been merchandise from organizations she likes from which a portion of the proceeds go to the organization and those animal "adoptions" through the World Wildlife Fund.

 

But we can do these things for each other because we know us well and know what charities and organizations the recipient likes and wants to support. I think that's quite different from deciding that your family likes a charity, giving that group money and then saying it's a gift for someone else.

 

Again, I think it's lovely that you're examining a different way to "do Christmas." I so wish that I could get my whole family on board with making changes here, too. I just think, if it were me, I would want to make very sure not to cause hurt feelings or disappointment during a time that should be positive and happy.

[nd293]

We did Heifer International one year - that was between my mother, sister and I, and our husbands and children. We put our money together, and made a purchase, as I recall. I think we will do the same again this year.

 

If this involved our extended family, I would let them know in advance, and would probably do some small handmade gift (Cookies-in-a-jar type of thing) for them anyway, especially if we were seeing them on Christmas Day. They would then privately talk about how weird my Mom and we kids are (the atheist homeschooling bunch), and eventually some comment would be made which would let us know that they'd been talking about us. Family is such fun! (Family events really are fun with my family, but everyone's quirks can sometimes get a little ... predictable.)

[shlee111]

Are you sure your 5 year old is really and truly on board with your idea? Are you positive she won't wake up on Christmas morning and race to the Christmas tree looking for gifts from Santa (or from you, if you don't "do Santa?")

 

Kids can easily get caught up in their parents' enthusiasm for new things, but on a day like Christmas, I'm not so sure they won't still be looking for some gifts if they have always received them in the past.

 

Personally, I think that if you feel strongly about your Different Christmas plan, you should still get gifts for the kids, and have them help you make token gifts for important family members (or pick out less-costly-than-usual presents at the store,) and use the money you would normally spend on gifts for your dh and yourself to support the worthy charities.

 

I'm sorry if I sound like I'm bashing your idea, but I would hate to see you feeling guilty on Christmas if there's a chance your dd may be very disappointed at not getting any presents.

 

I don't think you are bashing the idea at all, and this was a concern of mine as well. My kids are still young, so I can't expect too much from them, but I hate it when all the talk of Christmas is about what presents they are going to get. We still have to work out the presents for the kids b/c they believe in Santa. I'm thinking maybe Santa could still come and bring just 1 gift for each of the kids. I don't want to do the same amount of gifts for the kids that we normally do, b/c part of the reason for doing this is to foster a spirit of sacrifice. Does that make sense?

[shlee111]

I found a wonderful organization - Appalachian Christian Project. They have two catelogs - one where you can buy things made by individuals - so supporting a person working in Appalachia. The second is a straight up donation - like you buy a kid school supplies. There are also gifts like Heiffer International - where you can buy a family a chicken, goat, cow etc in the honor of someone. This is especially good for those hard to buy for people.

 

 

Thanks for the introduction to Appalachian Christian Project.It seems like a great thing!

[shlee111]

Have you heard of AdventConspiracy? Watch this video--you won't regret it!

 

http://www.youtube.com/embed/yerUGAF1w1w

 

 

 

For those who won't watch:

The idea is that instead of giving "presents", you give "presence," (like a date type of gift or a handmade gift). Less shopping, more serving. Then, you take the money you would have spent on gifts and give it to build clean water wells in the third world.

 

We've done it now three years in a row and it's an amazing experience.

 

Some of our gifts:

 

• a box of shotgun shells for FIL, my husband took him to the woods to shoot targets like they did when he was younger
  
• i made my mom 10 meals for the freezer--she is parenting teens and caring for elderly parents so her cooking time is zilch
  
• for my dad I signed us up for a 5k together
  
• for my sister I designed and printed address labels since they bought their first home
  
• for my niece i made a homemade memory game with pictures of family members
  
• for my other sister i made a silhouette of my niece
  
• for my SIL I painted her bedroom for her
  
• etc.
  

 

It is a ton of work but so much more rewarding than spending $1k at Amazon! Everyone LOVED it.

 

We visited a church a couple years ago that played the Advent Conspiracy video . That year I scaled back a lot for Christmas, doing more homemade gifts. Advent Conspiracy is actually what started all of this in me. I love what they are doing!

[ashfern]

My family would be fine with this, DH's would NOT.

 

Same here. Their "love language" is gifts. I don't know what we'll do this year. I knit & crocheted gifts for them in the past & that went over like a lead balloon. :glare: I'm done. We don't have any extra money and I'm not even sure that the kids will be getting anything from us this year. :(

[FaithManor]

We finally went with not exchanging gifts with dh's side of the family - except mother in law who lives near and is dear to us. It relieved a great emotional and financial burden...it was always so tense. His nieces and nephews were NEVER remotely thankful for anything they received because we couldn't afford the horrifically priced designer stuff they wanted and their parents were jerks about it. We didn't look forward to seeing them at Christmas because of this. Dh didn't worry about how they "took the news", he just announced that after much careful thought and consideration of our family needs and budget, that we would no longer be exchanging gifts with them.

 

Dh is VERY close with my side of the family and we are all heavily thrown in together. So, we've maintained gift giving with that side, but everyone has agreed that we all have enough "stuff". The adults don't exchange anymore except my mom insists on buying a magazine subscription for each once of us. We really appreciate that. The adults do pool some money together and send it to a couple of humanitarian organizations. Small things (in the $10.00 range) are purchased for the kids and placed under the tree for them to open at grandma and grandpa's. So, the cousins exchange gifts.

 

As for our personal plans this year, our kids will all have stockings with fun things in them, and we'll try to do something generous for dd. But, the boys, dh, and I have all agreed to one combined gift...a new, higher powered telescope.

 

Faith

[SailorMom]

Every year, we send a small gift to anyone under the age of 18 (at the moment this is really only a few kids) and send cards from Heifer International explaining the donations we have made in people's honor to them along ith a homemade ornament that is somehow related (i.e. last year it was an origami llama that I made out of silver and gold wrapping paper).

We never asked anyone their opinion on the matter.... I've never gotten any negative feedback, though - only positive. I mean - we can't afford to buy the family members anything they actually NEED, and they really don't need any more candles and tchoztkes!

[ByGrace3]

Don't have a lot of time right now, but I just wanted to share a little about what our family does. Every year for about the last 8-9 years, we have spent Christmas overseas on a family mission trip. I work with an organization that takes an annual Christmas family mission trip. We work as a family (no age limits) visiting churches, doing VBS's in schools, working in orphanages. It is amazing, and the one year we didn't go, we seriously regretted it. We involve our extended family in friends by many of them "adopting" a child from the orphanage and filling a backpack with clothes and toys for them. Many who are not able to travel with us help in this way and it is such a great ministry to be a part of. Christmas will never be the same once you implement something like this. It is awesome!

 

Also, my sister who has not been able to travel with us the last few years has done service project weeks locally, nursing homes, shelters, etc If/when we are not able to go overseas for Christmas, we will do something like this as well.

[jujsky]

I found a wonderful organization - Appalachian Christian Project. They have two catelogs - one where you can buy things made by individuals - so supporting a person working in Appalachia. The second is a straight up donation - like you buy a kid school supplies. There are also gifts like Heiffer International - where you can buy a family a chicken, goat, cow etc in the honor of someone. This is especially good for those hard to buy for people.

 

I've found that it is better to transition slowly. Give family/friends time to adjust - afterall it is already October. When people make sudden switches in their Christmas giving, it almost feels like they are doing it for attention.... hey look how good we are. You can donate your time in the weeks leading up to Christmas, buy gifts that help someone and make homemade gifts still have a Christmas.

 

I agree with making a subtle change. Could you include what you've done in a card and maybe give your family members some nice baked goods along with it to soften the blow of no physical gifts? If your family is fairly open, maybe you can discuss this idea with them and get them on board this year with no gift exchange for the adults?

[Catwoman]

I don't think you are bashing the idea at all, and this was a concern of mine as well. My kids are still young, so I can't expect too much from them, but I hate it when all the talk of Christmas is about what presents they are going to get. We still have to work out the presents for the kids b/c they believe in Santa. I'm thinking maybe Santa could still come and bring just 1 gift for each of the kids. I don't want to do the same amount of gifts for the kids that we normally do, b/c part of the reason for doing this is to foster a spirit of sacrifice. Does that make sense?

 

Well, I have to preface this by saying that we a major giftgivers in our family, and it's not unusual for us to buy each other things like new cars, so I definitely don't have the "spirit of sacrifice" when it comes to Christmas. I LOVE talking with my ds about what he wants for Christmas, and it's so much fun sitting down with him while he makes up his list. I love all of the shopping and the looking for bargains, and finding little surprises, and everything that goes along with it.

 

I am a Commercialized Christmas Fiend. :tongue_smilie:

 

So it's hard for me to imagine wanting a 2 and 5 year old to "sacrifice" anything at Christmas. It's so much fun for kids to dream about what they might get for Christmas! I think it's entirely possible to teach your kids about the religious aspects of the holiday, as well as the need to help others, without making the kids lose their own fun and exciting day of waking up on Christmas morning to see a beautiful tree and lots of mysterious packages underneath it.

 

There are so many wonderful things you can do year-round that will teach your children the importance of helping others. They can donate used toys to a local church or homeless shelter. They can help you with a garage sale, where you sell your own things to raise money to donate to a particular charity. As they get older, they can visit nursing homes, help out at an animal shelter, or volunteer with a worthy organization.

 

Anyway, I know that many people will disagree with me, and that the emphasis on gifts is highly offensive to them, but I truly think your kids can be wonderful, generous, caring people without having to sacrifice things like Christmas gifts. Only you and your dh know what's best for your family, though, and it sounds like you're trying to figure out a "pain-free" way to keep your kids happy and still de-emphasize the gifts, so I hope it works for you.

[Catwoman]

Personally' date=' I don't care for these "made a gift in your name" deals. [/quote']

 

:iagree:

 

Writing a thank you note for a "gift" of a donation to a charity I may never have even heard of, is awkward at best.

 

I would much prefer it if someone told me they had decided to stop exchanging gifts, and that they were going to donate their usual gift budget to charity this year. They don't have to tell me which charity; it's their money and their decision. There's no need to make a donation in my name. To me, that's the kind of thing you do when the obituary says, "In lieu of flowers, please donate to XXX charity," not something you do as a Christmas gift.

 

If I know upfront that someone isn't going to do the gift thing, I'm off the hook for shopping for them, too. If I want to donate the money I would have spent on their gifts to a good cause, it's my decision.

 

I think it all depends on the recipients. If they are all used to "regular" gifts, prepare for uncomfortable mumbling when they open a card that happily thanks them for helping Save the Yaks, when they were expecting a gift card to Saks. :tongue_smilie:

 

I think the "donation in your name" sentiment is lovely, but it's not something I would do unless someone specifically said they didn't need anything this year, and asked me to donate to a specific organization instead.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

We have friends that send us a card every year letting us know a donation has been made. It's very nice. Maybe you can give little fun presents if you have young relatives.

:iagree:

[emzhengjiu]

If friends or family members were to give a donation to an organization they know I support, I think it would be a lovely gift. But a couple of years ago, a friend made a donation in my name as a Christmas gift to an organization I really dislike! Both of us are committed Christians but differ in our beliefs about the role of women in the family and in the church. The organization she selected teaches very rigid gender roles. When I opened the card, I was shocked and hurt. Our friendship withstood the situation but I vividly remember feeling that as a friend she didn't care anything about me as a person. I would have much prefered no gift to the one she gave.

 

Ann

[TXBeth]

Hi!

 

We've ordered from catalogs like the one you described and they send you cards that you can then give to family and friends letting them know a purchase has been made "in their name" to help someone in need. So you are still sharing a gift with family, the gift of helping others!

 

I don't think you need to give others advance notice. Unless maybe it is a family with small children that will be expecting a gift they can open and hold and play with. In that case, maybe you can get the kiddos a little something or you and your 5yo can make homemade gifts for them!

 

It's a great idea - maybe take it slowly, a little at a time!

 

Just another perspective...I'd be annoyed to receive this type of card. I would be perfectly happy for you to say "We're not doing gifts this year; we decided to spend that money on charity instead." But IMO those cards are a way to pretend you are giving a gift when you really aren't. I'm happy not to receive anything (and would likely still give you/your kids gifts if you were okay with that), but I don't want you to pretend that your gift to charity is a gift to me...because it isn't.

[shlee111]

Just another perspective...I'd be annoyed to receive this type of card. I would be perfectly happy for you to say "We're not doing gifts this year; we decided to spend that money on charity instead." But IMO those cards are a way to pretend you are giving a gift when you really aren't. I'm happy not to receive anything (and would likely still give you/your kids gifts if you were okay with that), but I don't want you to pretend that your gift to charity is a gift to me...because it isn't.

 

Yeah, I get both sides of that. I would only give a card saying a gift was given in their name if the gift and charity was specially chosen based on what the family member/friend would like. Not sure if we'll do that or not. Right now I'm thinking we'll just choose the donations/gifts and maybe put it all together in a brochure type paper so family members can see how the money was spent.

[Catwoman]

Right now I'm thinking we'll just choose the donations/gifts and maybe put it all together in a brochure type paper so family members can see how the money was spent.

 

That sounds a lot better to me than doing individual donations "from" each family member. Have you figured out how you're going to tell your family members that you're not buying/exchanging gifts this year? If there are children in the family (cousins, nieces, nephews, etc,) will you still buy gifts for them? What if the family members all show up on Christmas with gifts for your kids? Will you feel uncomfortable not having something to give to them in return? Will it be awkward for your kids if they go to a relative's house at Christmastime and everyone except them has gifts to open? Will they be sad?

 

I'm not trying to talk you out of this; I'm trying to think of every possible way to minimize any discomfort you or your "usual gift recipients" will feel, and to be sure you are very clear with everyone so there is no misunderstanding.

 

And don't forget -- there are always a few people who will buy you or your kids "a little something, even though we know you said we weren't exchanging gifts this year," so you need to be prepared for that type of surprise, too.

 

But take everything I say with a huge grain of salt, because as I mentioned earlier, I'm the Commercialized Christmas Fiend. :tongue_smilie:

[Melinda in VT]

Yeah, I get both sides of that. I would only give a card saying a gift was given in their name if the gift and charity was specially chosen based on what the family member/friend would like. Not sure if we'll do that or not. Right now I'm thinking we'll just choose the donations/gifts and maybe put it all together in a brochure type paper so family members can see how the money was spent.

 

I think I'm missing something. Why would you tell your family members how you spent the money? :confused:

 

Buy presents for family members or don't. That's your choice, and I can certainly sympathize with the idea that the last thing most Americans need is more stuff. But it seems really odd to me to create a brochure to tell them what you did with all the money you saved by not buying them presents.

[TXBeth]

I think I'm missing something. Why would you tell your family members how you spent the money? :confused:

 

Buy presents for family members or don't. That's your choice, and I can certainly sympathize with the idea that the last thing most Americans need is more stuff. But it seems really odd to me to create a brochure to tell them what you did with all the money you saved by not buying them presents.

 

:iagree: A simple "We decided instead of exchanging gifts this year, we will be spending our Christmas budget on charitable donations" would be sufficient. But do it soon, before people finish their shopping.

[shlee111]

:iagree: A simple "We decided instead of exchanging gifts this year, we will be spending our Christmas budget on charitable donations" would be sufficient. But do it soon, before people finish their shopping.

 

I see the point you are getting at. I know my family will ask, so maybe I'll have a list or we can just tell them.

 

I'm going to tell the family soon so that Christmas shopping hasn't started. In general my family doesn't shop too early. I'll probably just send an email. I'm still debating how to handle the kids of the family. We may just give them something small (i.e. book). I'd rather do no gifts across the board, but I understand that children might not grasp what we are trying to do, and I'd hate to have them think we didn't care or think about them.

[bbmom]

 

So it's hard for me to imagine wanting a 2 and 5 year old to "sacrifice" anything at Christmas. It's so much fun for kids to dream about what they might get for Christmas! I think it's entirely possible to teach your kids about the religious aspects of the holiday, as well as the need to help others, without making the kids lose their own fun and exciting day of waking up on Christmas morning to see a beautiful tree and lots of mysterious packages underneath it.

 

There are so many wonderful things you can do year-round that will teach your children the importance of helping others. They can donate used toys to a local church or homeless shelter. They can help you with a garage sale, where you sell your own things to raise money to donate to a particular charity. As they get older, they can visit nursing homes, help out at an animal shelter, or volunteer with a worthy organization.

 

Anyway, I know that many people will disagree with me, and that the emphasis on gifts is highly offensive to them, but I truly think your kids can be wonderful, generous, caring people without having to sacrifice things like Christmas gifts. Only you and your dh know what's best for your family, though, and it sounds like you're trying to figure out a "pain-free" way to keep your kids happy and still de-emphasize the gifts, so I hope it works for you.

 

I agree-I think year-round giving will make a much bigger impact on your children than the idea of "sacrifice" on Christmas. Honestly, I can see this backfiring in the long run far more easily than I can see it teaching them a lesson. I would perhaps consider doing one of 2 things that I know many families do and it gives them a very moderate number of gifts but still gives that Christmas morning feeling. The first is to do 3 gifts per child (the thinking here being that Jesus got 3 gifts from the wisemen) and the second is to do 4 -something you want, something you need, something to wear, and something to read. Again, not a large number of gifts, and most are practical, but you still retain some of the magic of Christmas feeling. I think for very young children, the presents on Christmas morning reinforce the idea of what a miraculous gift the world was given on Christmas. When done along with giving to others I think it really reinforces the whole idea-how can you understand the idea of giving to others as the bigger gift if you don't know the joy of getting gifts yourself?

[shlee111]

I agree-I think year-round giving will make a much bigger impact on your children than the idea of "sacrifice" on Christmas. Honestly, I can see this backfiring in the long run far more easily than I can see it teaching them a lesson. I would perhaps consider doing one of 2 things that I know many families do and it gives them a very moderate number of gifts but still gives that Christmas morning feeling. The first is to do 3 gifts per child (the thinking here being that Jesus got 3 gifts from the wisemen) and the second is to do 4 -something you want, something you need, something to wear, and something to read. Again, not a large number of gifts, and most are practical, but you still retain some of the magic of Christmas feeling. I think for very young children, the presents on Christmas morning reinforce the idea of what a miraculous gift the world was given on Christmas. When done along with giving to others I think it really reinforces the whole idea-how can you understand the idea of giving to others as the bigger gift if you don't know the joy of getting gifts yourself?

 

I agree that giving year round has a greater impact than a one time thing, but we do lots of year round giving and serving and want to do more.If we completely took away all of Christmas with no fun or excitement, I could see that backfiring, but I just don't see how one year of thinking ONLY of others could be a bad thing. I don't think kids need to receive presents on Christmas to imagine what a difference a gift of food can make to a starving child or how much they can bless someone else by giving up something they love. Plus, my kids receive plenty of gifts year-round, and on their birthdays...and I'm sure they'll still receive a gift or two this Christmas. In fact, we still may do one special gift for each of them (from Santa). I feel like God is calling us to a different Christmas, and I'm still working it out how to best do that.

[Woodland_Mom]

As a Christian, I know when I serve others I am serving Christ, so I want the focus of our Christmas to be about Jesus: giving and service to others. Ideally I'd like to spend every "Christmas dollar" on someone who needs it locally or internationally.

 

Should I just explain to everyone what our plan is and tell them that we won't be giving any gifts this year? How would you receive this?

I don't want to sound ungrateful or like I'm making things difficult, but I really just feel like this is right for our family this year. Anyone done this before or have any advice?

 

I think your thoughts and ideas are noble, but honestly, I think you could approach things differently, and have better results.

 

First of all, we as Christians, give because Christ gave to us. We can do this in many ways: purchasing gifts, making something, serving, spending time with a person, etc. Your loved ones may have all of the tangible things that they need, but if you get creative, you'll probably be able to find things to do that could show them love. A few pp had great ideas!

 

We can give all through out the year. Why wait until Christmas to spend money on charities that your heart feels drawn toward?

 

Christmas is a time of celebration, reflection, and tradition. Here are a few things my family has done to make Christmas less materialistic:

 

• The second week of November, the kids and I go through the playroom and really clean things out. We organize, we sort, we throw away and we donate. Of course, the kids easily put things in the donation pile that they no longer play with. Usually these are things that they've "grown out of". When we're finished, I talk to my kids about how much we have and about how little others have. Then I help my boys pick something that they really like and enjoy to give away. It doesn't have to be their favorite thing, but I try to move them to giving sacrificially, with a big heart. They always pick something joyfully. Then, we package it up nicely to get it ready for a local homeless shelter.

• In the fall I set out a cannister for coins. Our entire family decides not to spend any change, and to put the coins in the cannister with the intention of giving the money to the Salvation Army when the bell ringers are out. It is satisfying to give that spare change (usually a nice amount) to a worthy cause. We also sign up to be bell ringers for a day.

• For years, I've kept a wrapped box under the Christmas tree that is a gift to Jesus. Each Christmas Eve we sit around the tree and talk abut how we plan to give back to Christ that year. We write out our gift/prayer and tuck it away in the box. This helps keep us mindful of the things we can do to serve/give.

• We try to steer the kids away from the questions, "What do you want for Christmas?" Instead, we encourage one another to ask, "What does XYZ person love? What do they enjoy? How can I bless them?" Throughout the month of December, we keep a family list of things/ways we intend to bless others.

• We always pick someone in our circle of family or friends and give them a "care basket", but we don't write our name on the gift. It is so rewarding to give to someone knowing that they do not need to thank us or return a gift to us. They'll just be blessed! We fill a gift basket with anything we can think of that they might find useful/enjoyable, i.e. food, snacks, nicer toiletries than they might purchase, cleaning products, convenience products that they might not have money to buy often, etc.

• We find ways to serve locally as a family a few times a year -- including Christmastime. We've found this far more meaningful than writing a check and mailing it off (although I certainly believe that is important, too). The kids notice/feel/experience the actions, not the check writing. They REMEMBER things we've done to bring joy, cheer, and blessing to someone else's life.

Your daughter is young, so it will be easy to begin a new tradition or two without completely altering existing traditions. You and your family can learn/experience the true meaning of Christmas, not through your checkbook, but through action. Disclaimer: I'm not AT ALL knocking the action of giving monetary gifts to charities. We do this and there is GREAT VALUE in this. I'm just making the point that that is an easy thing to do. It's harder to sacrifice our time, effort, and energy. We have found that we see the deep meaning of Christmas when we focus on Christ.

 

Rather than make the announcement that you're not giving gifts and writing a check to a few charities, maybe you should consider meeting as a family and discussing ways you can bless/serve/give through deeds (in addition to giving monetarily). Develop traditions that better reflect and celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. Afterall, it is more than writing a check to a charity.

 

Just my 2 cents! :)

[Catwoman]

I think your thoughts and ideas are noble, but honestly, I think you could approach things differently, and have better results.

 

First of all, we as Christians, give because Christ gave to us. We can do this in many ways: purchasing gifts, making something, serving, spending time with a person, etc. Your loved ones may have all of the tangible things that they need, but if you get creative, you'll probably be able to find things to do that could show them love. A few pp had great ideas!

 

We can give all through out the year. Why wait until Christmas to spend money on charities that your heart feels drawn toward?

 

Christmas is a time of celebration, reflection, and tradition. Here are a few things my family has done to make Christmas less materialistic:

 

• The second week of November, the kids and I go through the playroom and really clean things out. We organize, we sort, we throw away and we donate. Of course, the kids easily put things in the donation pile that they no longer play with. Usually these are things that they've "grown out of". When we're finished, I talk to my kids about how much we have and about how little others have. Then I help my boys pick something that they really like and enjoy to give away. It doesn't have to be their favorite thing, but I try to move them to giving sacrificially, with a big heart. They always pick something joyfully. Then, we package it up nicely to get it ready for a local homeless shelter.

• In the fall I set out a cannister for coins. Our entire family decides not to spend any change, and to put the coins in the cannister with the intention of giving the money to the Salvation Army when the bell ringers are out. It is satisfying to give that spare change (usually a nice amount) to a worthy cause. We also sign up to be bell ringers for a day.

• For years, I've kept a wrapped box under the Christmas tree that is a gift to Jesus. Each Christmas Eve we sit around the tree and talk abut how we plan to give back to Christ that year. We write out our gift/prayer and tuck it away in the box. This helps keep us mindful of the things we can do to serve/give.

• We try to steer the kids away from the questions, "What do you want for Christmas?" Instead, we encourage one another to ask, "What does XYZ person love? What do they enjoy? How can I bless them?" Throughout the month of December, we keep a family list of things/ways we intend to bless others.

• We always pick someone in our circle of family or friends and give them a "care basket", but we don't write our name on the gift. It is so rewarding to give to someone knowing that they do not need to thank us or return a gift to us. They'll just be blessed! We fill a gift basket with anything we can think of that they might find useful/enjoyable, i.e. food, snacks, nicer toiletries than they might purchase, cleaning products, convenience products that they might not have money to buy often, etc.

• We find ways to serve locally as a family a few times a year -- including Christmastime. We've found this far more meaningful than writing a check and mailing it off (although I certainly believe that is important, too). The kids notice/feel/experience the actions, not the check writing. They REMEMBER things we've done to bring joy, cheer, and blessing to someone else's life.

Your daughter is young, so it will be easy to begin a new tradition or two without completely altering existing traditions. You and your family can learn/experience the true meaning of Christmas, not through your checkbook, but through action. Disclaimer: I'm not AT ALL knocking the action of giving monetary gifts to charities. We do this and there is GREAT VALUE in this. I'm just making the point that that is an easy thing to do. It's harder to sacrifice our time, effort, and energy. We have found that we see the deep meaning of Christmas when we focus on Christ.

 

Rather than make the announcement that you're not giving gifts and writing a check to a few charities, maybe you should consider meeting as a family and discussing ways you can bless/serve/give through deeds (in addition to giving monetarily). Develop traditions that better reflect and celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. Afterall, it is more than writing a check to a charity.

 

Just my 2 cents! :)

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

I think that is a perfect solution, and it has an added benefit of making it a "season of giving," rather than just writing checks and sending them out to charities. There's active involvement by every member of the family for an extended period of time, and I think that builds such wonderful traditions.

[shlee111]

I think your thoughts and ideas are noble, but honestly, I think you could approach things differently, and have better results.

 

First of all, we as Christians, give because Christ gave to us. We can do this in many ways: purchasing gifts, making something, serving, spending time with a person, etc. Your loved ones may have all of the tangible things that they need, but if you get creative, you'll probably be able to find things to do that could show them love. A few pp had great ideas!

 

We can give all through out the year. Why wait until Christmas to spend money on charities that your heart feels drawn toward?

 

Christmas is a time of celebration, reflection, and tradition. Here are a few things my family has done to make Christmas less materialistic:

• The second week of November, the kids and I go through the playroom and really clean things out. We organize, we sort, we throw away and we donate. Of course, the kids easily put things in the donation pile that they no longer play with. Usually these are things that they've "grown out of". When we're finished, I talk to my kids about how much we have and about how little others have. Then I help my boys pick something that they really like and enjoy to give away. It doesn't have to be their favorite thing, but I try to move them to giving sacrificially, with a big heart. They always pick something joyfully. Then, we package it up nicely to get it ready for a local homeless shelter.
  
• In the fall I set out a cannister for coins. Our entire family decides not to spend any change, and to put the coins in the cannister with the intention of giving the money to the Salvation Army when the bell ringers are out. It is satisfying to give that spare change (usually a nice amount) to a worthy cause. We also sign up to be bell ringers for a day.
  
• For years, I've kept a wrapped box under the Christmas tree that is a gift to Jesus. Each Christmas Eve we sit around the tree and talk abut how we plan to give back to Christ that year. We write out our gift/prayer and tuck it away in the box. This helps keep us mindful of the things we can do to serve/give.
  
• We try to steer the kids away from the questions, "What do you want for Christmas?" Instead, we encourage one another to ask, "What does XYZ person love? What do they enjoy? How can I bless them?" Throughout the month of December, we keep a family list of things/ways we intend to bless others.
  
• We always pick someone in our circle of family or friends and give them a "care basket", but we don't write our name on the gift. It is so rewarding to give to someone knowing that they do not need to thank us or return a gift to us. They'll just be blessed! We fill a gift basket with anything we can think of that they might find useful/enjoyable, i.e. food, snacks, nicer toiletries than they might purchase, cleaning products, convenience products that they might not have money to buy often, etc.
  
• We find ways to serve locally as a family a few times a year -- including Christmastime. We've found this far more meaningful than writing a check and mailing it off (although I certainly believe that is important, too). The kids notice/feel/experience the actions, not the check writing. They REMEMBER things we've done to bring joy, cheer, and blessing to someone else's life.
  

Your daughter is young, so it will be easy to begin a new tradition or two without completely altering existing traditions. You and your family can learn/experience the true meaning of Christmas, not through your checkbook, but through action. Disclaimer: I'm not AT ALL knocking the action of giving monetary gifts to charities. We do this and there is GREAT VALUE in this. I'm just making the point that that is an easy thing to do. It's harder to sacrifice our time, effort, and energy. We have found that we see the deep meaning of Christmas when we focus on Christ.

 

Rather than make the announcement that you're not giving gifts and writing a check to a few charities, maybe you should consider meeting as a family and discussing ways you can bless/serve/give through deeds (in addition to giving monetarily). Develop traditions that better reflect and celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. Afterall, it is more than writing a check to a charity.

 

Just my 2 cents! :)

 

Lots of good ideas, thanks. We certainly don't plan on writing a few checks and being done with it. I do want a season of giving, so we'll use some of your ideas....regardless of what we decide to do with the gifts.