Jamauk Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 My 8.5 yo son can be the most intolerable "know it all". He doesn't take this attitude with his friends, just with the family. For instance, if we were driving down the road and we saw a guy on the side of the road using his cell phone my youngest might say "I think that guy's car broke down." I would follow up with "Maybe, but maybe he was just pulling off the road to make a call to be safe and responsible." My oldest would, without fail, say something to the effect of "No, his car broke down." (with a snotty attitude to go with it). Once he's decided something is true, he will not consider any other scenario and he gets snottier and snottier with each new scenario that is presented. Eventually, he will conceed that no, he doesn't in fact KNOW his idea is the absolute truth, as none of us has enough information to make that determination, but he will still tell everyone else that they are "probably wrong." It gets on my very. last. nerve. Just today, we were coloring in our maps about the fertile crescent and discussing the first farmers in the SOTW book. He asked what we were going to study next week and I informed him we were going to talk about Egypt and the Nile River. He asked if we would color a map of the "fertile crescent of Egypt" I calmly told him there was no fertile crescent of Egypt, but yes, we would discuss how the banks of the Nile were fertile just as the Euphrates and the Tigris banks are fertile. He said "No, just listen to me, Mom. What I mean is, are we going to color a map around the Nile and it's little 'fertile crescent' like we did today with this map." Again, I explained "Yes, we are going to color a map of Egypt with the Nile River, but I want you to understand that this is the only "Fertile Crescent" and there isn't one in Egypt, but the area around the Nile is fertile." He rolled his eyes, got an overly dramatic look on his face and shook his hands in the air in exasperation, let out a long sigh and started to say "You aren't getting it......" and then I lost it. I'm ashamed to say I totally let loose on him, raised my voice, told him when he gets this attitude I'm interpretting it as he is trying to call me stupid, tell me he's smarter than I am, etc, etc, etc....it wasn't my most shining moment. I did manage to explain to him that the reason I didn't want him referring to Egypt as another fertile crescent was because I didn't want him getting his history/geography confused in his head and I didn't want him confusing his little brother..... So, tell me ~ is this just a phase that 8 yo boys go through? Is it something I'm doing? Am I being too hard on him and is it just him trying to flex his reasoning/logic skills and even though sometimes incorrectly, is he just trying to take what he's learned from one lesson and apply to something else? I'm at the end of my rope with this "know it all" attitude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 (edited) My kid like this is, well, still like this. He's 19. We keep hoping he'll change but he's still pretty cocky. Sigh. Edited September 23, 2011 by Ria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 (edited) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fertile_Crescent People do debate this. On your issue-- I think it's partly an age thing, partly a personality thing. I'd ignore it. Don't feed it. It sometimes goes along with the need for extreeeeeeeme "fairness". Edited September 23, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I don't think it's a phase that 8 yo boys as a whole generally go through. My boys didn't do that (they did other things though...:001_huh:). Are you being too hard on him? I don't think so. People like that are really hard to be around, in my opinion. You are doing what good parents do--training your kid not to be obnoxious. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Advice: Don't engage. Remedy: Time and maturity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohru Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Maybe it's just conflicting personalities and power struggles? Just another perspective: Given your car broke down example, if my son had said that at 8yo, instead of arguing with him, we would've created an entire scenario on how the car broke down after the man just picked it up and paid a gazillion dollars to have it fixed and he's late picking up his poodle from the airport...Actually even now, whenever ds starts getting contrary, I just roll with it, like in improv acting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Remedy: Time and maturity. Promise? It has been 19 years.... :lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetbasil Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 The best cure for this, IME, is humility. We try to inculcate humility by creating opportunities to serve others (esp. others who face great trials in their lives/are less fortunate) and also by playing team sports. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 might be a first born thing too. my oldest dd is like that. We have had to force her to utter the words " I was wrong" We also model the fact that as adults we are wrong at times too and admit it. And that it is no big deal to be wrong. Still it is a pain in the neck to be around. Try this..."You are being obnoxious and I want you to hush." when he gets argumentative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyndie Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 :grouphug: and :bigear: My 11 year old is the exact.same.way. It's exhausting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amanda's Mommy Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I have 2 that do this a DD9 and a DS29. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 It gets on my very. last. nerve. I think our kids in general know how to push our buttons. I wonder if it's because we see a little bit of ourselves in them? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I don't think it's an age/gender/birth order thing. I think it's a personality thing rooted in pride that will get more irritating if you don't help him curb it. Eight years old is a perfect age to start talking about how the way we talk affects how others perceive us...and like or dislike us ;). If he truly feels he's right about something, suggest he think of different ways to suggest it..."Well, maybe..." and if worst comes to worst, help him accept that maybe, just maybe~he's the one that's wrong. :svengo::lol: He obviously wants to be right, but being gracious and humble are qualities that are just desirable and it sounds like he needs help understanding that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 My 8.5 yo ds is definitely getting more attitude now than when he was younger. And yes, he's more argumentative. If it's something like the situation you described, where we're just postulating, I don't attempt to override his opinion, or prove him wrong. Mostly, I tell him, "You maybe/probably are right. But, it could also be x, y, or z. It's important to get all the facts." He is pretty easy going though, so he doesn't tend to respond with the kind of anger to opposition that you describe. However, when he acts outright rudely to dh and I, we do call him on that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Advice: Don't engage. Remedy: Time and maturity. :iagree: Mine is my 3rd kid, so it's not always a firstborn thing. Engaging feeds the beast and makes him feel more important because you are arguing with him. Just. Stop. Arguing. Even when he's wrong. Let it slide by you like cole slaw on a duck's back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I'm listening in to the feedback you are given, because one of my 4.5 year old twins is sort of similar, in a different way. She's not exactly snotty or "know- it-all," although that characteristic does manifest occasionally. Instead, she is.... directive? bossy? tyrannical? :lol: My friend's husband calls it leadership. :D This is true, to a point, but Tickles just tells everyone what to do, all day, every day. She tells me what to do. I admit, sometimes I am thankful for the reminder. :blushing: But it can and does get to be annoying after a while. The other side of it is that, Tickles, being 4.5 years old, while trying to control everyone else, is not so great at controlling herself. For example, we'll all come back home after being out. Tickles takes charge with, "Okay, when you go inside the house, you take off your coat and hang it up, take off your shoes and put them away, sit on the potty and wash your hands, and then help Mommy make lunch. Okay, everyone? Okay? Let me go over that again. Take off your...." Another child, "Just do it, already." :lol: I've been trying to focus on her own self-control, gently focus her on managing her own task, completing her own meal, following directions (instead of giving them), and evening out the moods. I've also tried to provide real opportunities for her to show leadership (e.g., leading on a nature hike, choosing a book or movie). One thing I have noticed is that if I am a bit "off" then she will step up to the plate. She really does dive right into a leadership vacuum, even a perceived one. :glare: Another thing I've noticed is that she can be re-directed through humor, specific and challenging work assignments (e.g., chores, cooking with me), and time away from her siblings. Finally, I've noticed that gentleness and snuggling really help to sort this kid out emotionally. The thought occurred to me that she was copying my Drill Sergeant Mother persona, which seems to ratchet up particularly well when SHE starts bossing ME. :toetap05: Now I just respond with a laughing, "Really? Really? You're telling Mommy what it's all about, you little four year old genius, you? Well then I suppose you can go make LUNCH." I'm not at all saying this in a confrontational way, but she gets the message and quits being dictatorial. All of this to say, What is the opposite trait to what your son is showing? Is he snotty? prideful? full-of-himself? Perhaps the best approach is not to engage him on his own terms of know-it-all-ness and argumentativeness and the need to be right. Perhaps the best approach would be to model and encourage the opposite of what he is doing -- meekness, humility, service, admission of not knowing it all, and surrender. HTH. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Ds7-almost-8 is sort of like this. He is snotty so much as...overly certain. About everything. And he corrects. Not in a rude way (most of the time), more in an informative way. But he does it all.the.time. To everyone. It makes me crazy. We have discussed that he isn't always right and even if he is he doesn't need to correct everyone around him. We have discussed that it comes off as impolite, impertinent, show-off-y, etc. So far none of that seems to have had an impact. So I'm :bigear: for any suggestions you get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs_JWM Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 If you watched Modern Family this week, Claire gets called out for always needing to be right... It's annoying when someone is so convinced of his or her own rightness that politeness and concern for others suffers, and I think that's a good lesson for kids to learn. You can be right without being obnoxious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ButterfliesandBooks Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 My middle child is like this...it drives me nuts! I have another friend whose son is the same, and both boys share a birthday (June 2nd)! We wonder if that's a sign!? Are all your kids born on June 2nd? lol ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I have a child much like this. He is 8 years old, as well. I consider myself to be in the big middle of teaching him that a know it all attitude is annoying. I give him feedback about how that manner of speaking is rude and disrespectful. Sometimes that helps. Sometimes he needs to park it in his room until he can chill. But I truly believe that the child doesn't "get it"...he doesn't realize that he is being rude, argumentative and disrespectful. He is also, in personality, a great deal like his mother.:glare: I have only myself to blame. However, with time and maturity, I have learned to edit my responses and am no longer a know it all. Mostly, I believe my son just needs to mature, but I will always give my kids feedback about how their words sound to others because I think that is part of them learning to navigate relationships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 My 8.5 yo son can be the most intolerable "know it all". He doesn't take this attitude with his friends, just with the family. For instance, if we were driving down the road and we saw a guy on the side of the road using his cell phone my youngest might say "I think that guy's car broke down." I would follow up with "Maybe, but maybe he was just pulling off the road to make a call to be safe and responsible." My oldest would, without fail, say something to the effect of "No, his car broke down." (with a snotty attitude to go with it). Once he's decided something is true, he will not consider any other scenario and he gets snottier and snottier with each new scenario that is presented. Eventually, he will conceed that no, he doesn't in fact KNOW his idea is the absolute truth, as none of us has enough information to make that determination, but he will still tell everyone else that they are "probably wrong." It gets on my very. last. nerve. Just today, we were coloring in our maps about the fertile crescent and discussing the first farmers in the SOTW book. He asked what we were going to study next week and I informed him we were going to talk about Egypt and the Nile River. He asked if we would color a map of the "fertile crescent of Egypt" I calmly told him there was no fertile crescent of Egypt, but yes, we would discuss how the banks of the Nile were fertile just as the Euphrates and the Tigris banks are fertile. He said "No, just listen to me, Mom. What I mean is, are we going to color a map around the Nile and it's little 'fertile crescent' like we did today with this map." Again, I explained "Yes, we are going to color a map of Egypt with the Nile River, but I want you to understand that this is the only "Fertile Crescent" and there isn't one in Egypt, but the area around the Nile is fertile." He rolled his eyes, got an overly dramatic look on his face and shook his hands in the air in exasperation, let out a long sigh and started to say "You aren't getting it......" and then I lost it. I'm ashamed to say I totally let loose on him, raised my voice, told him when he gets this attitude I'm interpretting it as he is trying to call me stupid, tell me he's smarter than I am, etc, etc, etc....it wasn't my most shining moment. I did manage to explain to him that the reason I didn't want him referring to Egypt as another fertile crescent was because I didn't want him getting his history/geography confused in his head and I didn't want him confusing his little brother..... So, tell me ~ is this just a phase that 8 yo boys go through? Is it something I'm doing? Am I being too hard on him and is it just him trying to flex his reasoning/logic skills and even though sometimes incorrectly, is he just trying to take what he's learned from one lesson and apply to something else? I'm at the end of my rope with this "know it all" attitude. I don't think it's a phase. I think it's a personality type. As you said, it probably wasn't your most shining parenting moment, but I think it's fine that you explained to him (okay, ranted :D) that he was wrong and trying to re-explain himself in a way that made it seem like he was right-ish does not make him actually right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Splinter Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 If you watched Modern Family this week, Claire gets called out for always needing to be right... I tease my 7 year old about being like Claire for exactly this reason. My daughter has been doing this since she was about 4 and I don't foresee it changing any time soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 just a thought but those example both involve you having to be right as well. ;) He makes a claim and you counter it and the next move is his...Then yours and on and on. If my son made the comment about the car for instance, I'd just say something like "oh," or "That could be" and let the moment pass. No one knows what's really going on with the driver and the car, why make it an issue where one of you has to be in the right? As for the fertile crescent, he was just asking a question about colouring a map. You dug in about the fertile crescent, then he did... But all he wanted to know was if you guys would be colouring a map. A "Yes" to his original question would have worked with no drama. Honestly, when it comes to the things that irritate me the most in my kids I've learned to take a long hard look at my own behaviour because more often then not I'm irritating because they're mirroring something I'm doing myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 just a thought but those example both involve you having to be right as well. ;) He makes a claim and you counter it and the next move is his...Then yours and on and on. If my son made the comment about the car for instance, I'd just say something like "oh," or "That could be" and let the moment pass. No one knows what's really going on with the driver and the car, why make it an issue where one of you has to be in the right? As for the fertile crescent, he was just asking a question about colouring a map. You dug in about the fertile crescent, then he did... But all he wanted to know was if you guys would be colouring a map. A "Yes" to his original question would have worked with no drama. Honestly, when it comes to the things that irritate me the most in my kids I've learned to take a long hard look at my own behaviour because more often then not I'm irritating because they're mirroring something I'm doing myself. :iagree: That's what I noticed as well. He was thinking creatively about what the man on the side of the road was doing. He remembered the concept of a fertile crescent and was applying it to another river/map. I think these are things to encourage, not challenge (with an 8yo esp.). Maybe he argues b/c he feels that it's hard for him to ever get a "point" for being smart the first time around. I'm not saying you should let him believe wrong things about geography forever. I just think he is smart, he enjoys knowing things and having ideas, and that some affirmation of these traits might help him chill out a bit about proving himself. I'm also not trying to say you never affirm him, just that from the examples you gave, you seem to be quick to parry with him, and not as quick to say, "cool idea, buddy." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 my 8yr old ds can be quite similar also LOL....drives me crazy...he just doesn't know when to LET IT GO lol :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyndie Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 My middle child is like this...it drives me nuts! I have another friend whose son is the same, and both boys share a birthday (June 2nd)! We wonder if that's a sign!? Are all your kids born on June 2nd? lol ;) Nope, sorry. This kid was born in October. ;) He is also, in personality, a great deal like his mother.:glare: I have only myself to blame. However, with time and maturity, I have learned to edit my responses and am no longer a know it all. Mostly, I believe my son just needs to mature, but I will always give my kids feedback about how their words sound to others because I think that is part of them learning to navigate relationships. Wow, you pegged that well. The more I read and ponder, the more I think this may be a great deal of our problem. I am not good at helping them see how they are being perceived; I can work on that. I'm not saying you should let him believe wrong things about geography forever. I just think he is smart, he enjoys knowing things and having ideas, and that some affirmation of these traits might help him chill out a bit about proving himself. I'm also not trying to say you never affirm him, just that from the examples you gave, you seem to be quick to parry with him, and not as quick to say, "cool idea, buddy." I want my children to have correct information so it is very hard (read: nearly impossible) for me not to correct them when they believe something wrong... or are being judgemental (which often leads to incorrect assumptions). I realize I'm not the OP but I suspect we have the same child... so how do you deal with the response that WOULD come to "cool idea, buddy". Because if/when I said that, it was followed by an exposition on how great the idea was, ad nauseum. When someone is REALLY full of themselves, they just don't stop. Well at least here they don't. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jumping In Puddles Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 (edited) My middle child is like this...it drives me nuts! I have another friend whose son is the same, and both boys share a birthday (June 2nd)! We wonder if that's a sign!? Are all your kids born on June 2nd? lol ;) My June 2nd child (7yo) is not a know it all, BUT when she asks about something, she needs to be the only one with the right answer. :001_huh: For example: "Do you think the top can be removed?" If I say, yes the cap can be removed, then she responds with "no, it can not." and she'll just walk away. If I had said no, then she would show me: "Ta da, this cap can be removed!" :001_huh: So I find myself answering her with the wrong answer. :tongue_smilie: I guess I should be nipping this in the bud instead of indulging but why does she do this? Edited September 24, 2011 by Jumping In Puddles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 just a thought but those example both involve you having to be right as well. ;) He makes a claim and you counter it and the next move is his...Then yours and on and on. If my son made the comment about the car for instance, I'd just say something like "oh," or "That could be" and let the moment pass. No one knows what's really going on with the driver and the car, why make it an issue where one of you has to be in the right? As for the fertile crescent, he was just asking a question about colouring a map. You dug in about the fertile crescent, then he did... But all he wanted to know was if you guys would be colouring a map. A "Yes" to his original question would have worked with no drama. Honestly, when it comes to the things that irritate me the most in my kids I've learned to take a long hard look at my own behaviour because more often then not I'm irritating because they're mirroring something I'm doing myself. I completely agree with the above. You are engaging him and modeling the very behavior you don't like in him. Some things, if not most things, you can just let go. This is an important time in your relationship, why add tension by having to be right all the time? I would have responded "maybe you're right" to the car thing and "we'll learn about it" to the map discussion. Show him that each conversation doesn't have to have a winner and how you make people feel is often more important than proving you are right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Is it something I'm doing? Well ... it sounds like it, yeah. You're engaging him and trying to prove to him that you are right and he is wrong, which is exactly what you say is driving you bonkers about him. Don't continue to present scenario after scenario to him, trying to prove that he might be wrong. When he says, "No, his car broke down," either or ignore him or say something short like, "Possibly." When he calls the fertile area around the Nile a fertile crescent, let it go. It's not important, and is, in fact, him drawing a correlation between two areas of history and geography. In short, try not to get so invested in whether he's right or wrong. The more invested you are, the more invested he'll be, and the more you try to prove him wrong, the more he'll stand his ground. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 However, when he acts outright rudely to dh and I, we do call him on that. I have pointed this out to him, and sometimes made it very clear he is WRONG, and that having a more flexible, what-if mind is "mature" (he equates "mature" with one more step towards a DS :D). If I find he is getting past the point of politeness, I work on that aspect. I am working doubly hard on this, because Papa cannot "disengage", and gets completely suckered into this. Somebody around here has to put her foot down. P.s. one of our blackline maps has the F.C. sweeping into the Nile Delta. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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