Catholic moms...children's behavior during Mass?

[I.Dup.]

We are new converts to Catholicism from being Protestant. My children still are not used to the concept of sitting quietly and reverently during Mass (at all...tonight they were horrid). We have done "practice sessions" at home but I guess they need to be reminded again. :glare:

 

They are used to being able to have fun during Sunday School- play games, run around yelling and being loud and dancing, etc. They say they miss Sunday School (of course). Maybe it's my Protestant background, but should I be concerned that by insisting on their good behavior they will find Mass something to be dreaded over the years? Should I be concerned that they will be bored or hate Mass because it's not very exciting to them and they are required to sit there nicely?

 

How do your children behave/feel about Mass and is it something you are concerned about?

[Amy in NH]

My good friend says that her kids do best sitting through mass when they sit in the front of the church.

[HRAAB]

Does your parish offer a children's liturgy at some of the Masses? If so, and since they miss having Sunday School, maybe that would be an option for them. Our parish also has a large basket of children's religious books and Bibles for children to pick from. Also, I let my children doodle on paper when they were small It might just take some time for them to adjust, and I personally would take it slowly and not expect to much immediately - especially since it is new for them.

[Sushi's Mom]

If you can afford it, get Magnifikids for your older child, and the 6 year old if a good reader.

http://www.magnificat.com/magnifikid/index.asp

 

Magnifikids is great to help the kids focus on the Mass. Each week there is a new issue. It is colorful and has all the words for the entire Mass, including the rwdings for that week. It really does help them to follow along. There are also definitions of tough words and some activities in the back.

 

For the little kids, bring something quiet they can do or look at, such as board books or coloring books about the Mass or saints, etc.

 

I agree, sitting in the front row is very helpful. The kids can see what is going on.

[Ellie]

No, you shouldn't be concerned that they will dread Mass. How else will they know how to behave if they aren't in there? It is the one area that I think today's non-Catholic Christian churches fail: letting their children party in children's church instead of coming into the service. :glare: Mr. Ellie, who grew up in the Southern Baptist church, remembers clearly sitting in church from the time he was a little guy...and his parents giving him the stink-eye if he didn't behave! :D He also remembers clearly answering an altar call when he was just 5yo. You don't know when your children will hear the Holy Spirit speak to their hearts; it could be any time, even in the midst of your telling them yet again to sit quietly.

 

It is good in general for your children to learn that there are some places where they must sit quietly. That's another area where today's parents fail: teaching their children to behave appropriately in public.

 

And it will take time and consistency. But be of good cheer: Many other parents are doing the same thing every Sunday. Misery loves company, lol.

[I.Dup.]

Thank you all for the ideas. We have let them bring small toys in the past but they just end up fighting/screaming over them. Maybe the books would be a good option.

 

We did sit in the front this time, and it still didn't help. If 1 or 2 children (quietly) misbehave that's one thing, but we have got to find a way to keep ours in line because of the sheer number we have! It's quite a distraction if they're messing around.

[I.Dup.]

No, you shouldn't be concerned that they will dread Mass. How else will they know how to behave if they aren't in there? It is the one area that I think today's non-Catholic Christian churches fail: letting their children party in children's church instead of coming into the service. :glare: Mr. Ellie, who grew up in the Southern Baptist church, remembers clearly sitting in church from the time he was a little guy...and his parents giving him the stink-eye if he didn't behave! :D He also remembers clearly answering an altar call when he was just 5yo. You don't know when your children will hear the Holy Spirit speak to their hearts; it could be any time, even in the midst of your telling them yet again to sit quietly.

 

It is good in general for your children to learn that there are some places where they must sit quietly. That's another area where today's parents fail: teaching their children to behave appropriately in public.

 

And it will take time and consistency. But be of good cheer: Many other parents are doing the same thing every Sunday. Misery loves company, lol.

 

Thank you, this was encouraging! :001_smile:

[ktog29]

If you have the opportunity, try going to daily Mass a few times. It's generally much shorter (ours is 20 minutes). We sit in the cry room (no one else is in there for daily Mass) so I can explain to them what is going on. It's much more interesting if you know what's going on (for me too!). Also, we've had better luck with Mass behavior when we do the readings as a family ahead of time. :)

 

They'll get there. It takes awhile but it does get easier...and then we seem to have another one...

 

With our 2 y.o., dh and I take turns sitting downstairs by the speaker with the little one while the other stays in church with the bigger kids. Not as nice as sitting together, but eventually we'll all be there together.

 

:grouphug:

[HRAAB]

Thank you all for the ideas. We have let them bring small toys in the past but they just end up fighting/screaming over them. Maybe the books would be a good option.

 

We did sit in the front this time, and it still didn't help. If 1 or 2 children (quietly) misbehave that's one thing, but we have got to find a way to keep ours in line because of the sheer number we have! It's quite a distraction if they're messing around.

 

I know a lot of people recommend sitting in the front pew, but I never had that much courage when mine were small. I sat towards the back so I could leave with one if needed without disrupting everyone around me. I never brought toys either, or food. Before we left, I would remind them of the behavior I expected. There have been times when I was able to make it to weekday Mass a couple times a week, and I figured it was extra behavior practice for Sunday. Be firm and patient and understanding. It's new for them and they're young. It will get better.

[ChrisB]

We sit in the front (not usually the first pew) so that the kids can see. We go Sunday morning to the 9:30 Mass. I think the earliest that your family can get there is the best. Saturday night Masses, or any night Masses, are hard for the kids to sit through. I think once the kids hit 4yrs old-ish they start acting and sitting still better. Trust me, our kids get the stink-eye often. (term courtesy of Ellie :D). We have a nursery for the 5 and younger crowd during the school year, but we've never used it. I think the children behave better sooner if they are in Mass. I don't think it matters at all if the children are bored. I remembered being bored at times and I'm certainly not now as an adult. ;)

 

ETA: We never bring toys or food. I would consider your seating arrangement too. Divide and conquer!

Edited September 4, 2011 by ChrisB

[higginszoo]

I second the Magnifikid subscription(s). They really have helped my dc follow along with what's happening in the early elementary years, especially ... and there are comics, saint stories, and other related things for them to read/draw/color during the homily. My youngest gets really upset when she forgets it.

 

I also agree with the sitting up front. Just because it didn't work the first time, don't give up on it. Between being able to see and getting complimented the first time they DO behave (it always happened for us that someone would say something to us or them when they WERE good), it does end up better. Of course, when we had an infant and/or toddlers, one of us was usually in the back for part of the mass with them. The kids were watching a video of my dad's deaconate ordination -- they were 11 mo, 2 and 3. My two year old was carried up by my brother in the offertory procession because I'd been running her in the narthex when it was time to go up. So she has video of herself meeting the bishop (now Archbishop Kurtz). that was pretty standard for her until she was 3- 3 1/2. Her sister was similar. The boys actually were able to settle in by 2 1/2 and 3. But I can still remember my younger son's phase when he liked to hang upside down from my arms during mass. We were at a new parish, and like I said, we tried to sit up front so that there was a chance of dd paying attention (this was right as she was starting to). When Father met us and found out our little one's name, he quipped that we had named him after the wrong brother (his name is Andrew).

Edited September 4, 2011 by higginszoo

[kitten18]

We go to Mass early (7:00am). We have tried to go Saturday afternoon and it was much more difficult for DS.

 

We have a 'church bag'. In there I have: a book of bible stories, a Mass book for children (so they can follow along), paper cut and stapled to make little books and stickers so they can make sticker books, a couple rosaries, silly bands, etc.

I will slowly cut-back on this stuff over the next couple years.

[Sushi's Mom]

Oh, if you get the Magnifikids, ask them to send you a few back issues. Give those to the younger kids the first week, because they will want their own. Each week after that, give them the issues from the week before. They will feel like their older siblings, but they won't know it is an old issue because they can't read. You can give them a crayon to color in it if you want.

[Ellesmere]

No good advice, as I'm somewhat in the same boat. Just a sympathy :grouphug:!

 

We used to attend a church (non-denominational) that insisted on separating children from infancy. So, our oldest really does miss the Sunday school classes with her friends and we do regret that she learned that going to church was social time. (We aren't Catholic, but we attend Mass and are going to RCIA classes in the fall.)

 

However, she does love going to Mass (even while missing her old classes), and we have a bag with some books about Mass for children for them.

 

Hope things work out for you! We still are struggling, more with our very active toddler.

[Sparkle]

I think it's fine to bring along some quiet activities to help keep them occupied. Coloring books, especially Catholic ones, are good. Your older ones might like Magnifikids magazine - it has the readings and Mass parts in it, and little puzzles and things to do. (I see other people above already mentioned it, but I'll second it). They'll get the hang of it eventually. Bribe them with doughnuts afterwards ;) When they're a little older you can encourage them to be altar servers or in the choir. I know it was hard when our kids were little, it seemed like I was always trying to wrangle them, but we seem to have come through relatively unscathed.

[OrganicAnn]

Lots of churches have a 'cry room' and it is a great place to take a kid how is acting up and needs to calm down. We take small notebooks and stickers and pencils - really any quiet activity. My DH is not Catholic, so when DD was younger she got to stay home with DH on some Sundays.

 

Other strategies - when they act up to ask them to pray for someone or something (Haiti is my DD favorite).

 

Ask them to watch the alter servers to see what they do.

[SKL]

I'm Lutheran, but my kids and I attend the "traditional" early Sunday service, which does require the kids to sit through the service. Our services average about an hour in length. And kids are supposed to sit quietly.

 

As a single mom, I was not even brave enough to take my kids to church until they were 3. Once I did, the "process" began. And it is a process. We have been attending for 1.5 years now, and we're still far from perfect, though I have received compliments (possibly to encourage me to not kill my children).

 

We sit in the back and I sit between the girls, to keep them from encouraging / aggravating each other. Sometimes they bring a bible-related book, or they spend the quiet times drawing on their "children's bulletin" or reading the Bible or Hymnal. I invite them to follow along with the singing/reading, but they usually don't want to.

 

I (quietly/silently) remind my kids often about being quiet, not talking except when everyone's talking/singing, etc. Sometimes I wonder if this makes my own behavior unacceptable in church. :tongue_smilie: But if I don't do it, things spiral. There have been a couple times when I've had to make a big stink after the service because they were completely ignoring my reminders and being disruptive. And a few times I've whispered, "if I have to take you out of here, there will be serious consequences." It's not unusual for one or both of them to sulk for a little while after a correction. But overall, there has been steady improvement.

 

I of course notice the other families and their kids, and I generally see a healthy progression in them, too. No toddler/preschooler starts out being perfectly quiet in church. It's OK - most of the other people there are parents, and they are glad for your efforts.

 

Do I think my kids will feel church is boring for a while? Yes, because that's exactly what I felt. Most of the material is above their heads. But I want them to be there anyway. I value doing this together as a family. It won't be long before they are able to actually pay attention to the service, and at that time, I would like them to be comfortable in the rhythm of the service. (Besides, that's the only time all week when I get to just sit with my kids for any time period.)

 

Now for some unhelpful but real information. My parents used to bring 5 of us to church every Sunday. My mom's method for letting us know we were pushing it was to nonchalantly dig her fingernail into our hand. Since that didn't always work with my younger sister, my mom was known to take Sis downstairs to the ladies' lounge and spank her. Great times! (I should note that my sister does NOT hate church now, LOL.)

[oraetstudia]

You've already gotten the advice I would give -- sit where the kids can see and go to an earlier Mass. We go to Mass at 8:30 on Sunday mornings and while my children aren't always perfectly behaved, they are much better than when we've had occasion to have to go later in the day. Evening Masses are the worst possible time for my kids.

 

Also, I think talking about Mass at home and on the way to and from helps and just being there and being willing to take them in and out as necessary (but don't let them play when they are out) is good. I'm not a fan of children's worship services or cry rooms, etc. I think children should be in church with their parents. When we were Protestants we wouldn't let out children go elsewhere during services, after they were old enough to know to be quiet -- but that took years, per child, of work.

 

But it does work. Most of my children can sit in the pew and behave decently at Mass now, though, as with any parenting task, some days more than others.

 

You'll get there. They'll get used to it. And one last thing -- ask Mary to make special petitions for help. As a fellow convert, that still feels weird to me at times, but she is our mother and will help us and our children.

[CatMomof3]

For us, it is go to Mass early (730 here) and make sure the kids can see what is going on. We sit in the balcony and I am always reminding the kids what is going on. There is no "right" answer except keep bringing them and keep praying for them. They will listen when the Holy Spirit speaks.

[Aquinas Academy]

I have a bag with children's Bibles; Catholic colouring books; books about Jesus, Mary, and the saints; and a few other odds and ends that we bring along to Mass. We sit up front so that the kids can watch, but if they get fidgety they can get something from the bag.

We also discuss the Mass at home and on the way to church. DS 2 is very intrigued by the bells and always asks when they're going to happen. :)

Expecting your children to sit through Mass will not make them hate it. On the contrary, they will feel involved in their faith and with their family, and they'll learn good manners to boot. :D Be patient. The journey seems long, but the destination is worth it. :grouphug:

[Vida Winter]

I made up a sheet of reminders for my youngest. It has a place to place a sticker for each completed task.

 

Today in Mass I...

 

{ } Stood up when everyone stood up

{ } Sat down when everyone sat down

{ } Said the prayers along with us

{ } Listened quietly to Father

{ } Did not talk when it was time to be quiet

...

 

and so on.

 

The { } is a place to put a Catholic sticker (from Catholic Heritage Curriculum). It's funny what my kids will do for stickers.

 

At any rate, it only took doing this a few times to result in much better behavior - then we were able to stop doing the sticker sheets. Another thing that helped was to teach her most of the Catholic prayers - so she knows what to say during a lot of the Mass. It is not very hard if you run through the prayers at bedtime each night.

[LibraryLover]

I think kids should be allowed to move and play and/ or leave the service. I am rather Jewish in this way. lol Leave the littles to be kids. They'll come around. They don't need tears and years of practice. The bored and antsy toddler is tomorrow's rabbi or pastor. :D

 

I often imagine how cool priests would be if they could marry and have a couple of kids hanging on them at the alter. :001_smile:

[Teachin'Mine]

Keep bringing them to Sunday Mass and teach them about the Mass so they know what's going on. They can also learn the prayers so they're listening and participating. For very young ones, small paperback books of a religious nature are great.

 

You may also want to try bringing them to a weekday Mass. The Mass is generally much shorter - about a half hour or less. It may help them to go more often rather than less often. :)

[asta]

We are new converts to Catholicism from being Protestant. My children still are not used to the concept of sitting quietly and reverently during Mass (at all...tonight they were horrid). We have done "practice sessions" at home but I guess they need to be reminded again. :glare:

 

They are used to being able to have fun during Sunday School- play games, run around yelling and being loud and dancing, etc. They say they miss Sunday School (of course). Maybe it's my Protestant background, but should I be concerned that by insisting on their good behavior they will find Mass something to be dreaded over the years? Should I be concerned that they will be bored or hate Mass because it's not very exciting to them and they are required to sit there nicely?

 

How do your children behave/feel about Mass and is it something you are concerned about?

 

9 yo and 6 yo are old enough to train to be altar servers. We have a 4 yo altar server in our church. He is actually the best one we have - but he is an exceptional case - he really enjoys the orderliness of it all, and even has a tiny mass kit at home.

 

 

a

[FortWorthCookes]

Get to the earliest Mass you can find. We usually do 7:30 Mass and the kids are ten times better - I have no idea why!

I would also hit a Catholic bookstore and see about getting some of the St Joseph picture books and coloring books. They're super cheap and incredibly informative and entertaining. They're also nice and light, so you can put a big stack of them into the Church bag.

I also agree with those who said going to daily Mass can help. It's usually about 30-40 minutes and helps them practice.

 

We also bribe with donuts. Every. Single. Week.

[Soror]

We sit up front as well here and use the cry room when needed, the 21 month old is at the stage where she can often be grumpy and want to run. I *think* *hope* she is started to work out of this stage though!

 

I would divide up the kids a few on your side a few in the middle and a few on dad's side==

 

like the 9yo-3yo-mom-infant-4yo-dad-1yo-6yo

 

That way you have the ones most likely to cause trouble closest to you and less likely with the ones they will cause trouble with- since you are transitioning from Protestant bible school I would do quiet bags as well. Pick whatever time works the best as well, that can make a huge difference.

 

Behavior I expect depends on age/personality. I expect the 4yo and especially 7yo to be pretty darn still, quiet and participate when they can. I do let 4yo draw on paper or look at books. The baby I'm pretty happy when she doesn't screech or run down the aisle- in event of an escape (man she is fast!) I follow her back to the cry room and we stay there.

 

I don't like to use the cry room though unless absolutely necessary because for some reason the kids seem to think the behavior rules arent' the same as we're not actually in church and I have a much harder time with them. It is often a madhouse in there though(that is another issue though).

 

I find that interesting about altar servers as I know we don't have any that young here, it seems there at least 10 or so, I'll have to ask about that.

[tearose]

I sometimes bring prayer pamphlets, especially ones with pictures, or prayer cards (many churches have free ones in the back or vestibule); the inexpensive books by Fr. Lovasik are also very nice (there are tons of different titles, and they are very affordable). Like others suggested, I also go to daily Mass whenever I can.

[Parrothead]

I agree with all the others.

 

Find out what your parish's rules are for alter servers. Then let those who are old enough serve. My parish (or maybe it is a diocese rule) says they have to have completed first communion.

 

The others need to be strategically placed between you and dh, and possibly the nice lady sitting with you (behind you, in front of you) in the pews. LOL

 

Get certain things that are only allowed our during the readings and the homily. After dd got through the Cherrios and board book stage, she drew pictures to put into the collection basket. It was her picture for God. She was very pleased to find that Father had some of them up in his office.

 

Encourage them to participate in the rest of Mass. All but the very youngest can/should be standing, praying, kneeling, praying, shaking hands, praying, getting in line for a blessing from Father. Keep sitting up front so they can see what is going on.

 

Practice the Lord's Prayer at home. Practice the Apostle's Creed at home. Give rewards for participating when Mass is over.

 

And don't expect perfect behavior. Really it is okay if they squirm, check under the pew and run trucks along the back of the pew.

Edited September 4, 2011 by Parrothead

[In The Great White North]

What worked for us:

 

1. Go to the earliest Mass possible. For a couple of reasons.

 

First of all, they aren't wired yet and are more likely to actually be able to sit still.

 

Secondly, if they can't handle it,you have a viable threat to take them out and try again at 9, and again at 10:30, and again at 12. (We only had to do that once, but ds got the idea and passed it down. He was 2 1/2. He got antsy before the Gloria and wouldn't settle down. We left, waited in the car, in car seats, til Mass was over. Went home, ate, came back for the next one. Even the priest (a grandfather) was shocked. It is ds's only memory from that age. Years later, he was an altar boy through high school. It didn't make him hate Mass.)

 

2. Sit in the front row. When they get antsy, start pointing out what the priest is doing. Point out and name parts of the Church, the statues, the equipment around the altar, etc. Keep them interested in the Mass. Ask them what things are.

 

3. Teach them the prayers. By heart. So they can say them too. Start with the Sign of the Cross.

 

4. Don't bring any toys/food for any age. That's just something to fight over and make a mess. Make sure everyone (including the infant) is fed/watered/bathroomed before Mass.

 

5. Set the example. Look at the priest/lector. Make it obvious that you are paying attention.

 

6. Pick up/hold/rock the littles.

[justamouse]

I think kids should be allowed to move and play and/ or leave the service. I am rather Jewish in this way. lol Leave the littles to be kids. They'll come around. They don't need tears and years of practice. The bored and antsy toddler is tomorrow's rabbi or pastor. :D

 

There's a monastery--darn, I can't remember where, but in this ultra solemn place, they love to have the kids run around during mass. Not laps, but play peek a boo with the cantor's robes, stand next to the priest as they read the gospel, that kind of stuff. And, apparently they are filled with kids as everyone retreats there with their families.

 

My youngest is almost 6, so it's not really a problem with me, but I see parents walking around the back of the church, looking at candles with the little ones, talking quietly about icons and paintings. And, Father will always remember if anyone is in the narthex and make sure someone brings out communion for them.

 

We go to the Sun evening mass because of how laid back the atmosphere is.

[Teachin'Mine]

Get to the earliest Mass you can find. We usually do 7:30 Mass and the kids are ten times better - I have no idea why!

I would also hit a Catholic bookstore and see about getting some of the St Joseph picture books and coloring books. They're super cheap and incredibly informative and entertaining. They're also nice and light, so you can put a big stack of them into the Church bag.

I also agree with those who said going to daily Mass can help. It's usually about 30-40 minutes and helps them practice.

 

We also bribe with donuts. Every. Single. Week.

 

Those are the little paperback books I was referring to. :) Bribes are good! :lol:

[oraetstudia]

One thing to keep in mind, if you are teaching your kids the prayers -- the translations are changing. In fact, in some dioceses parishes are allowed to start singing the new translations of the Gloria, Sanctus, and Memorial Acclimation as of Sept. 1. The Nicene Creed translation will also change, as will several other responses.

[Amy in NH]

We did sit in the front this time, and it still didn't help. If 1 or 2 children (quietly) misbehave that's one thing, but we have got to find a way to keep ours in line because of the sheer number we have! It's quite a distraction if they're messing around.

 

My friend who gave this advice has seven. It works for her!

 

Good luck.

[Ellesmere]

I'm not a fan of children's worship services or cry rooms, etc. I think children should be in church with their parents ...

 

You'll get there. They'll get used to it. And one last thing -- ask Mary to make special petitions for help. As a fellow convert, that still feels weird to me at times, but she is our mother and will help us and our children.

:iagree:

It was a big help that our first visit was at a parish (in another state) where the priest welcomed everyone by saying, "Please, do not use the cry room. Walk with your little one down the aisles on the sides or in the back, but please keep them with you! They are welcome here." (He knew a lot of us were non-Catholic visitors.) Even with some pretty loud children, no one was glaring or making anyone feel unwelcome. I'm not opposed to my older one going to Children's Liturgy sometimes, but we do prefer to stay together.

 

Our local parish is much quieter and no one walks in the back with fussy children, but everyone is very understanding about our fidgety ones.

 

 

One thing to keep in mind, if you are teaching your kids the prayers -- the translations are changing. In fact, in some dioceses parishes are allowed to start singing the new translations of the Gloria, Sanctus, and Memorial Acclimation as of Sept. 1. The Nicene Creed translation will also change, as will several other responses.

 

One parish we visited had these on cards in the foyer. Is this the new translation? It is what we have been teaching at home.

 

(If you click on the first card, a larger print one will pop up.)

[Moxie]

We get donuts after Mass every Sunday. We make sure we go over the rules before Mass (no going potty, stand when your supposed to, no talking, no playing) and they know they won't get a donut if they break the rules. We do give them one warning in Mass. Today, my 5 year old didn't get a donut. He'll be better next week. Yes, I bribe my children!

 

 

[SeekingHim77]

I'm not Catholic but I've kept my children in church with me for the past 9 years instead of sending them off to play and be entertained in kids' church. I let my kids draw and that helps. When they were really little, I would sit in the back of the church and let them sit on the floor with a few small toys. Sitting in the back kept them from being a distraction to others and made it easy to make a hasty exit if one started acting up or fussing. I also tried to sit between them when they were older to keep them from arguing or talking. Around the age of 6 or so, it ceased to be a problem.

[katilac]

Parrothead sez:

 

Get certain things that are only allowed our during the readings and the homily. After dd got through the Cherrios and board book stage, she drew pictures to put into the collection basket. It was her picture for God. She was very pleased to find that Father had some of them up in his office.

 

That is the cutest thing I have ever heard, and I'm quite disappointed in myself for never thinking of it :D

 

 

Encourage them to participate in the rest of Mass. All but the very youngest can/should be standing, praying, kneeling, praying, shaking hands, praying, getting in line for a blessing from Father. Keep sitting up front so they can see what is going on.

 

This, definitely. There's a fair amount of 'action' in Catholic services, and the kids should be in on it.

 

Practice the Lord's Prayer at home. Practice the Apostle's Creed at home. Give rewards for participating when Mass is over.

 

It also helps if they know the songs. Introduce yourself to the music director, and ask when is a good time to call and see what the songs are going to be for the week.

 

And don't expect perfect behavior. Really it is okay if they squirm, check under the pew and run trucks along the back of the pew.

 

And here we must part ways. I'm okay with some squirming, and I always laugh when I look down and see a toddler's head poking under the pew, but kids running cars and trucks along the pew and making "vroom" noises sets my teeth on edge, lol.

[Murphy101]

We are converts too, tho I only had 5 under 7 when we entered the RCC.

 

We sit in the front row or as close as possible.

We go to earliest mass possible.

We sit somewhat like Sorro suggested. Littles flanked by me/dad.

We don't do cry rooms. If we have to take one out of mass, it is to stand in a corner and get a talking too in the foyer or van. We certainly aren't going to send the message that misbehaving at mass gets them taken to a fun room!

We are harsher on the older kids (as in they will have to be introduced to the corner lecture) than the young ones bc the young ones tend to imitate.

We limit distractions and give whispered explanations. We bring nothing to mass, not even prayer books or rosaries. I teach the kids to keep their hands together as in prayer for most of the mass. Hands in prayer are not getting into trouble. (tho that doesn't keep them from elbowing each other:glare:;) )

We have boys participate as alter servers as often as possible.

 

Some days go great.

Some days it doesn't.

Pretty much like home schooling and parenting in general.:D

[Terabith]

Wow.....you have a lot of LITTLE ones! I'm a big fan of sitting in the front row. They can see. From their point of view, in the back, they can't see anything and they feel invisible, so there is no incentive to behave. But, I would be tempted to take the one yr old to a nursery. Is there a nursery? Or walk around outside with him. If there isn't a nursery, I would have one parent with the one yr old only. I'd have a very hard time punishing the one and three yr olds for not behaving appropriately. One yr olds just aren't wired for sitting. One is really the hardest age for children in church. Two is tough too, but it gets easier at three.

 

Insist on them participating. Whispered explanations. Point out the colors and the seasons. Talk about symbols. Have them look at any stained class windows and figure out the stories. Point out what's going on. Have them watch for the epiclesis and touch your arm when they see it. Try to cultivate a sense of awe. Honestly, when mine were tiny, I'm sure my whispered explanations were more distracting than their behavior. Each child has a church bag with a pad of paper and crayons. They are assigned to draw a picture of something in the service (altar) or illustrate the Bible readings or homily. I also include a picture Bible in the bag. Have them make banners for the Holy Holy Holy and wave them at the appropriate time. (Keep banner in their church bag.) Talk about how it's like the church is lifted up to heaven and we are celebrating with angels. And then some other things: stickers, snacks for certain times, an empty water bottle to practice screwing the lid on and off (taken away immediately when banged), pom poms to stick into said bottle, etc.

[Terabith]

Oh, and if there is ANY way you can get them into a Catechesis of the Good Shepherd program, do it!!!!

 

Have them practice making altars at home. I love the silk play cloths as altar cloths. Teach them the names. Talk about how Jesus comes to us in the Bread and Wine, and how He also comes to us in the Word.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

How long is mass? IMO, expecting 1,3,4 and 6 year old's to partake or be quiet during a very adult activity is developmentally inappropriate. You may want to MOVE in that direction as/when they get older, but at this point it sounds like trying to nail jello to a tree. :grouphug:

[I.Dup.]

Thank you all so much! Our priest has ADHD so our Sunday Mass is shorter than most, only about 45 minutes :tongue_smilie: I do believe children can be taught to sit quietly and respectfully, I have several friends who have done it, I just haven't quite figured it out yet!

 

You have all given me such great advice, I will look up the Magnifikids and take little bags for them, that is a good idea. I honestly do not like using the cry room in the back because it has toys and of course they would all rather be back there playing. We used it once and then for weeks after they were all asking/whining the whole time to go back there.

 

We will give the earlier Mass a shot, it's hard for us to get up and out the door with everyone ready so early, and my 4yo has blood sugar issues and usually the morning service hours incite a melt down because of that (for some reason he seems to struggle more in the morning than in the evening) and I don't particularly like bringing food in. But we will try the early time again since so many of you mentioned that helped.

 

The pictures in the offering was a really cute idea, that just may do the trick, they LOVE when the offering gets passed around, they all want a chance to pass it and I'm sure they'd love to put a picture in. :001_smile:

 

Baby's crying got to run, thank you so much again!

[LND1218]

No, you shouldn't be concerned that they will dread Mass. How else will they know how to behave if they aren't in there? It is the one area that I think today's non-Catholic Christian churches fail: letting their children party in children's church instead of coming into the service. :glare: Mr. Ellie, who grew up in the Southern Baptist church, remembers clearly sitting in church from the time he was a little guy...and his parents giving him the stink-eye if he didn't behave! :D He also remembers clearly answering an altar call when he was just 5yo. You don't know when your children will hear the Holy Spirit speak to their hearts; it could be any time, even in the midst of your telling them yet again to sit quietly.

 

It is good in general for your children to learn that there are some places where they must sit quietly. That's another area where today's parents fail: teaching their children to behave appropriately in public.

 

And it will take time and consistency. But be of good cheer: Many other parents are doing the same thing every Sunday. Misery loves company, lol.

 

:iagree:

We are part of a non-Catholic church, but our children stay in the service from birth - we go 2 hours. They will get used to it, and it will be easier now than when they are older.

I think people tend to resist being in church more when they are used to seeing it as play time. It will take time for them to move beyond the past, but they will.

[oraetstudia]

We are converts too, tho I only had 5 under 7 when we entered the RCC.

 

We sit in the front row or as close as possible.

We go to earliest mass possible.

We sit somewhat like Sorro suggested. Littles flanked by me/dad.

We don't do cry rooms. If we have to take one out of mass, it is to stand in a corner and get a talking too in the foyer or van. We certainly aren't going to send the message that misbehaving at mass gets them taken to a fun room!

We are harsher on the older kids (as in they will have to be introduced to the corner lecture) than the young ones bc the young ones tend to imitate.

We limit distractions and give whispered explanations. We bring nothing to mass, not even prayer books or rosaries. I teach the kids to keep their hands together as in prayer for most of the mass. Hands in prayer are not getting into trouble. (tho that doesn't keep them from elbowing each other:glare:;) )

We have boys participate as alter servers as often as possible.

 

Some days go great.

Some days it doesn't.

Pretty much like home schooling and parenting in general.:D

 

:iagree:

 

I actually find that my children tend to be worse when I take stuff for them to play with or interact with -- even rosaries. And it is always extra embarrassing when a rosary gets flung far and wide.

 

I do not think that it is developmentally inappropriate for a 3 or 4 year old to sit fairly quietly, because kids can and do manage it and have for centuries.

[Guest Cathmamax7]

It is a big change from children's church to sitting through a whole hour of mass. If there are stained glass windows, point those out. Point out any candles/candleabras, paintings, statues, whatever to distract them a bit. But also you can whisper to them what Fr. is saying in the prayers, follow along in the missal, have them listen for the bells so they know Jesus is there now. I also bribe the 3 and 5 year olds with going to look at the candles after we "go in the line" if they behave. As long as they are quiet, I allow limited wandering, sitting and standing on the kneeler and drawing on paper. They also like to look at the missal. I understand about not wanting to bring stuff though if it is causing problems.

 

And just keep taking them. They will adjsut. It won't always be fun. Obviously take them out if they are being loud and disruptive but don't worry about the wiggles too much.

 

And welcome to the church! We're converts as well!

 

melanie

married to my love for 18 years, mama to Zach (14), Rebekah (12), Mary (10), Rachel (7), Theresa (5), Laura (3) and #7 due in Nov.

Edited September 4, 2011 by Cathmamax7

[Already Gone]

Lots of good thoughts above, but I'll add a few that I think haven't been mentioned:

 

1. While I'm sure bringing books, etc. works wonderfully for many kids, we actually found that for my son, he did better with nothing. I think when he had materials he would get overstimulated and then bored, then I'd give him something new, then [repeat ad infinitum]. This is also true, albeit to a lesser extent with my almost 2-year old.

 

2. On Saturday I read the gospel passage during our afternoon snack time. My son gets a lot more out of the service when he can recognize elements of it and is often quite proud of himself for doing so. If my husband is there for snack time, we usually talk about it a little as well. There are a number of resources for this, but I get it here (link is for next Sunday, but you can get from there to other dates).

 

3. Singing various parts of the Mass (the Gloria, etc.) at home has also helped, especially with my little one. I did it once by accident because it was stuck in my head, and she got very excited--now I make a point of singing them, especially on Saturday, and then pointing them out right before we sing them in Mass.

 

4. Someone probably said this already and I missed it--can you put the littlest one in a carrier? We had my daughter in an Ergo right up until a few months ago (when my husband had some back problems and I got too gosh darn pregnant) and while it didn't work all the time, it definitely cut down on the physical effort of keeping her from banging her head against the pew, squirming terrifically, etc.

 

5. Weird but true--saw this on a forum somewhere--I actually try NOT to pay attention to the kids unless their behavior requires it. Interacting with me stimulates them, and it seems to work better for me to model the kind of attention I'd like to see them giving.

 

6. Finally, if this doesn't apply to you, feel free to ignore completely--but I wish someone could have told me to a) pray and b) not worry about what other folks are thinking. I left Mass any number of times with both a kid and myself in tears before I finally realized the that my angst reflected just how much other people's opinions mattered to me and how little I was focusing on God during the service. I'm much more relaxed now and am actually feeling enriched, rather than traumatized, by church time. We still take the kids out if they get out of hand, but I don't take it nearly as much to heart, and that has made all the difference.

 

Okay, I also have to confess that our single best strategy with my son, who is not an easy kid, has been to bribe him with watching a Sunday movie if he's good enough. :o

[higginszoo]

Thank you all so much! Our priest has ADHD so our Sunday Mass is shorter than most, only about 45 minutes :tongue_smilie: I do believe children can be taught to sit quietly and respectfully, I have several friends who have done it, I just haven't quite figured it out yet!

 

You have all given me such great advice, I will look up the Magnifikids and take little bags for them, that is a good idea. I honestly do not like using the cry room in the back because it has toys and of course they would all rather be back there playing. We used it once and then for weeks after they were all asking/whining the whole time to go back there.

 

We will give the earlier Mass a shot, it's hard for us to get up and out the door with everyone ready so early, and my 4yo has blood sugar issues and usually the morning service hours incite a melt down because of that (for some reason he seems to struggle more in the morning than in the evening) and I don't particularly like bringing food in. But we will try the early time again since so many of you mentioned that helped.

 

The pictures in the offering was a really cute idea, that just may do the trick, they LOVE when the offering gets passed around, they all want a chance to pass it and I'm sure they'd love to put a picture in. :001_smile:

 

Baby's crying got to run, thank you so much again!

Our pastor has ADHD, too. Last year, the associate was from Nigeria and was used to 3 hour masses (not sure how they're that long), so an hour and a half was short for him. High school youth group/catechesis was difficult for those of us on the team to plan for because mass was either 45 min or 90 min depending on the celebrant. our new associate doesn't go quite as long, but he does like to sing, so that does add, compared to the pastor who is fidgeting if we do a second verse of a song sometimes.

 

In our family, the evening mass has actually always worked better. The point is that you might have to experiment with different times, as it can make a difference, and then stick with it for this phase. Fortunately, it IS just a phase/stage. Now that my dc are older, I don't usually have to even think about behavior issues, except the 6 year old on a bad day.