dancer67 Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 My DH went camping a few times at the same campground. We started talking to a couple who seemed to have the same interests as us. The last time we saw them we exchanged email addresses. Yesterday, I get an email from both him and his wife letting us know that they own a cabin on 40 acres, and have a woodburning sauna. They would like to know if we would like to come up. Okay, first we do not know them that well. But second. I think they might be swingers.:confused: How do you politely ask someone that? Because what if their not? Then we would offend them. There is another couple we know that is going. But again, we met them at the campground and have known them for about a year. Not sure if they are "like that" or not as it never occurred to me. We don't "go that way". If you KWIM. So, WWYD? (other then possible run in the other direction???:lol:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I wonder if the "Miss Manners" book has a section on this. :p Here is the polite way to ask if somebody is a swinger:... (Thank you for this thread. It will hopefully be unique and interesting) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 (edited) Hm, hard to say. We have been invited places by plenty of people who were decidedly not swingers. I tend to think assuming that they are could be a teeny bit presumptuous. And I would never ask someone such a question. On the other hand, I tend to be a go with your gut type. So, if I felt like something was wrong, I would disengage. Edited August 12, 2011 by Mrs Mungo iphone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 You think they are swingers just because they invited you to a cabin and told you about its features? I guess it's possible, but it's also a little bit of a leap, I think. Since you said "the last time" you saw them, I'm assuming you've spent time with them more than once, you've emailed back and forth with them, you have similar interests and get along- maybe they were just being nice and figuring it would be like camping but free since they own the cabin, and that it would be fun having another family or couple or two along to hang out with? If you want to go, go (you can always leave early). If you don't want to go, don't. But no I would not start asking someone if they are swingers, that would be just too weird and awkward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicAnn Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 (Thank you for this thread. It will hopefully be unique and interesting) :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zenjenn Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 If you really think you might like them, I'd probably want to socialize with them more casually first. Even if they aren't swingers (and I agree it is presumptuous to assume that they are), I'm not sure I'd want to commit to a weekend getaway with couple friends I didn't already know well. Like, maybe dinner and a movie first. :lol: And if they are swingers, I don't think they are going to pounce on you or anything the first chance they get. Chances are they would bring it up with humor in order to feel you out, and you would diffuse it with humor, and that'd be the end of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrixieB Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I wonder if the "Miss Manners" book has a section on this. :p Here is the polite way to ask if somebody is a swinger:... (Thank you for this thread. It will hopefully be unique and interesting) I was hoping that if I highlighted the white space in your post, I would find the answer to "Here is the polite way to ask if somebody is a swinger:... :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in Florida Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Unless you have some gut reaction from meeting them I would not assume that they are swingers. If you like spending time with them and the other couple then go ahead and go camping. If, in the unlikely case, they turn out to be swingers just say no thank you and go home. It would be awkward and embarassing but I imagine they would also be embarassed that they read you wrong. :lol: My husband and I used to travel with a friend who was a single woman. We all got along and she did not like to travel alone. She would sometimes share a room with us. We were friends, nothing weird ever went on, it was just a convenient way to travel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Ithey would bring it up with humor in order to feel you out, a :lol::lol: Seriously, if I wanted to go but had concerns about their lifestyle, I'd include in my reply something to the effect that, "We are definitely keep-your-clothes-on kind of people!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claire up north Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Are the kids invited? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HarbourLights Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 The whole 'swingers' question put aside, personally I think in the times we live in you can't be too careful. If you only have had a few interactions with them, but perceive them to be people you may want to establish a friendship with, I think that's great. However, I think I would want to 'ease' into the friendship a bit more to get a better "lay of the land" so to speak, before heading off to a 40 acre retreat. That sounds pretty isolated to me. Maybe I've seen one to many horror movies, but unless I was really good friends with the couple I'm not sure I would want to put myself in that kind of position. I agree with one of the pp when they said "go with your gut"... As for the swinger thing? I have no idea... !?!? (I'm pretty clueless about picking up on those kind of things though!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 The whole 'swingers' question put aside, personally I think in the times we live in you can't be too careful. If you only have had a few interactions with them, but perceive them to be people you may want to establish a friendship with, I think that's great. However, I think I would want to 'ease' into the friendship a bit more to get a better "lay of the land" so to speak, before heading off to a 40 acre retreat. That sounds pretty isolated to me. Maybe I've seen one to many horror movies, but unless I was really good friends with the couple I'm not sure I would want to put myself in that kind of position. I agree with one of the pp when they said "go with your gut"... As for the swinger thing? I have no idea... !?!? (I'm pretty clueless about picking up on those kind of things though!) :iagree: You don't really know them well to be going to an isolated place with them. But I'm the type to err on the side of caution. I think you would have picked up vibes when you were with them before if they were thinking of you and your dh in that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 What makes you think they are swingers? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancer67 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 okay, I wll elaborate a little more. First, they do not have any kids. And no, the kids were not invited. Actually the last two times we have camped our kids have not been with us. Now, even the past two times we have camped, we have probably talked to them for a grand total of 8 hours. And then we get this invite. They do not live to close to where we live. Their cabin is in another state. Not a long drive, but just seemed very personal to me. Maybe if we were invited to their home, I wouldn't be questioning it. Not to mention, he seemed to like my belly piercing an awful lot.(I was lying on a chair sunning in a tankini, but my belly button was showing). I highly doubt we will be accepting this invitation. But I wanted to get peoples thoughts that maybe I am reading to much into it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancer67 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 What makes you think they are swingers? Asking us to a sauna "get together", from a couple we barely know. It wasnt a dinner invite. We do know the other couple well. But never really though about what goes on behind closed doors. These days, who knows. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 (edited) There is another couple we know that is going. But again, we met them at the campground and have known them for about a year. Not sure if they are "like that" or not as it never occurred to me. Why not ask these mutual friends some questions? Ask what sorts of things are planned for the weekend (without coming out and asking "So, y'all planning some mate swapping?). Maybe the couple that is inviting you just likes a party. At least it's not just you and your husband that's been invited. In fact, maybe they invited you because they wanted to avoid any awkwardness with the other couple. I know DH and I would love to expand our social circle but have no idea how to do it. If we had a cabin and all that we might consider inviting people over. And no, we aren't swingers. And swinging isn't really a "these days" kinda thing, is it? It's been around for quite awhile. Edited August 12, 2011 by OH_Homeschooler Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancer67 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 :iagree: You don't really know them well to be going to an isolated place with them. But I'm the type to err on the side of caution. I think you would have picked up vibes when you were with them before if they were thinking of you and your dh in that way. :iagree:This is the other thing that bothers me. In this day and age, going to an isolated place(40 acres) with no neighbors makes me a little nervous. The guy was just obsessed with my belly piercing "wanting to get a closer look at that"..................my DH said............"It is gleaning in the sun, you can see it fine from here" I have never had that reaction from anyone over my piercing other then one older woman who wanted to know if it hurt;) <quickly pulling down my tankini and praying it stays put> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancer67 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 Why not ask these mutual friends some questions? Ask what sorts of things are planned for the weekend. Maybe the couple that is inviting you just likes a party. At least it's not just you and your husband that's been invited. In fact, maybe they invited you because they wanted to avoid any awkwardness with the other couple. I know DH and I would love to expand our social circle but have no idea how to do it. If we had a cabin and all that we might consider inviting people over. And no, we aren't swingers. I want to. But not quite sure how to word it and maybe they will not come right out and say it. Then we get there and UH OH. It is their "actions" in a lot of ways. I personally do not care. They are all nice people. And what goes on behind closed doors is their business. I just don't want to be in the middle of *that* business. I am pretty open minded. Just not THAT open minded:lol: Maybe I am just overthinking all of this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suppleasthewind Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I say go with your gut feeling. I would freak out if some guy wanted a closer look at my belly button. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Yeah, I thought it was all paranoia until I read the belly button ring comment. I'm not convinced they are swingers, but the guys behavior toward you was not appropriate. How did he say it? "I want to get a closer look at that."?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Show up with the kids. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zenjenn Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Alright, they don't live near you, they don't have kids, so really, pursuing a friendship is not a realistic option. I'd politely decline and move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livingnlearning Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Well... even if they are swingers hopefully they are harmless swingers and worst case scenario, you have to turn them down. //awkward If one has a cabin with a wood burning sauna, it's worth mentioning the sauna. Most cabins don't have that and maybe they designed it or built it themselves. It's a conversation point, IMO. So I wouldn't read too much into that. I wouldn't bat an eye at the invitation the way they mentioned it. You obviously have gotten along in a camping environment and the cabin/sauna thing is a variation on the theme. We do couple things with other couples all the time-notably especially our best friends now that we met through the internet years ago. They flew out here for a week's wilderness vacation with us without even knowing what we looked like! lol The important thing is the vibe. Maybe you need to really think about the belly ring incident-you said your husband spoke up; putting up some boundaries. Did the guy back off or respect your husband? Notice your discomfort? Have there been other incidents? Has his wife put any subtle moves on your dh? Does it feel like two couples when you're together or does it seem like they're trying to mix? When we're with our couple friends, I talk to the wife and DH talks with the guy or we all talk as a group nearly all the time. Very little isolated conversation between opposite spouses... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I want to. But not quite sure how to word it and maybe they will not come right out and say it. Then we get there and UH OH. It is their "actions" in a lot of ways. I personally do not care. They are all nice people. And what goes on behind closed doors is their business. I just don't want to be in the middle of *that* business. I am pretty open minded. Just not THAT open minded:lol: Maybe I am just overthinking all of this. How about: "Hey JimBob and PeggySue--are y'all swingers? How about ax murderers?" At least you'd quickly know where they stand. If they are swingers or ax murderers and are inviting you up without letting you know, that's pretty presumptuous on their part. If they aren't, well, I'd just say "Didn't think so, but it never hurts to cover these things." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I'm trying to figure out why someone who owned a cabin on 40 acres would be camping in a campground? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I'm trying to figure out why someone who owned a cabin on 40 acres would be camping in a campground? LOL. For variety?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I'm trying to figure out why someone who owned a cabin on 40 acres would be camping in a campground? Because they're looking for their next victims :lol:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Even if they are swingers, it's not like they'll just start taking clothes off. If they are swingers, they'd likely be asking some leading questions to see if you are. If they think you're into that and find out you're not, they'll be embarrassed and move on- much like if they offered you wine with dinner and found out you were a recovering alcoholic. You could email your other friends and say jokingly that the whole sauna comment made you think they're swingers. They might clue you in either way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Because they're looking for their next victims :lol:. :smilielol5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Because they're looking for their next victims :lol:. :D Exactly. If I had 40 acres with a cabin and a sauna, I'd not camp in campgrounds unless the campgrounds were on the beach or in the redwoods (since I know I can't even afford an imaginary 40 acres there). I also wouldn't invite swingers or ax murderers to my cabin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I like to believe the best in people and not be judgemental. However God (or whomever for you) created us to use our wisdom. When you start to feel uncomfortable, there is a reason. I would feel uncomfortable. It does seem odd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancer67 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 I wondered the same thing about camping yet they have a 40 acre cabin. He was telling us he built an outdoor, woodburning sauna. I am going to suck it up and ask the other couple. Do they swing on a star, or do they stay afar?????:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livingnlearning Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Well I might be starting to sound like a swinger here but... We have a family cabin but we usually go camping in other places. There are different things to see while camping than the same old place, new trails, new mountains... Or maybe they are mining for victims. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancer67 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 Show up with the kids. :lol: Now THAT would be a good one:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancer67 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 Because they're looking for their next victims :lol:. Good gracious, like Friday the 13th:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 What is your suspicion based on? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Even taking the swinging part out of the equation, I still wouldn't go. It's too unsafe these days to be going and staying with people that you barely know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Even taking the swinging part out of the equation, I still wouldn't go. It's too unsafe these days to be going and staying with people that you barely know. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I have found myself in awkward situations a couple of times (not this, but other situations) because I didn't trust my gut. I have learned the awkward situation is FAR WORSE than looking like an idiot because you asked a question! If they are swingers, and you assume the best about them and you show up at their cabin....that would be HORRIBLE. It's much better to ask them outright, or simply just decline their offer. I think you should trust your gut, and I think the fact that the guy was so interested in your ring would REALLY send up a red flag to me. Something is definitely up with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I'd think, if they were swingers, and looking for new hook-ups, it would be a whole lot easier to meet people on line, then to troll camp grounds on the off chance they meet some one. Plus they'd be much more sure the other people would be into it considering where they'd be able to meet people online. Sort of like it's easier to find other homeschoolers online than to just wander your neighborhood during summer asking ever kid "Hey do you homeschool?" Nope, move on to the next kid then. My you were the first pierced belly button he'd ever seen close up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 You have to decide if you want to be in a sauna with potentially nude poeple or not. They made it clear that the invite was for sauna ing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I'm still waiting to hear how he phrased the whole belly button thing. It wasn't a rhetorical question! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancer67 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 I'm still waiting to hear how he phrased the whole belly button thing. It wasn't a rhetorical question! :D He just said "Let me get a closer look at that belly button ring"(not in any particular tone of voice, as in a curious voice, but there was an undertone) as he went to move closer, my DH stepped in Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancer67 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 My you were the first pierced belly button he'd ever seen close up? Highly doubt it........especially if he is in the music industry. Albeit, symphonies, I am sure he has run across different musicians in his career. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 as he went to move closer, my DH stepped in I think that sent a pretty clear message. :D Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancer67 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 I think that sent a pretty clear message. :D Cat :iagree: I do believe your right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 He just said "Let me get a closer look at that belly button ring"(not in any particular tone of voice, as in a curious voice, but there was an undertone) as he went to move closer, my DH stepped in Well, your DH sent a very clear message that you are not swingers. I they invited you after that comment, they clearly like you for other qualities. Maybe they are just looking for couple friends. In terms of safety. Do they know that you have kids? So they must know that you are not a couple they can easily kidnap :tongue_smilie:. The police would be on their property within hours, if you were not to make it home. But it seems that *you* didn't like them, or are at least somewhat uncomfortable with them. There's nothing wrong with politely refusing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I have a friend that actually got invited by some swingers. They were friends through their kids sports activities. It started out just common interests, typical adult friendship stuff. But my friend noticed that both the husband and wife were very "flirty" with my friend and her husband, even when everyone was there. That was her first clue. When they were invited to a party, she just asked flat out, well, what kind of party is it? Then they told her. She said, "No thanks, we're just not into that." and it seemed to be no big deal. ETA, though, if I even had to "think" about the invitation, I would decline. Trust your instincts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 He just said "Let me get a closer look at that belly button ring"(not in any particular tone of voice, as in a curious voice, but there was an undertone) as he went to move closer, my DH stepped in Maybe this wasn't clear enough for them. Maybe he wants another chance. :drool: I think your gut is already telling you that you shouldn't go. It doesn't mean you can't meet them again and get to know them better in a less isolated spot.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Here is my tangential question: Why were you camping without your kids?! My kids would never forgive us if dh & I went camping without them. ;) [just teasing here....] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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