Ugh. My mommy heart has been squeezed too hard the last couple days.

[unsinkable]

My youngest DS participated a program for the past few weeks and thought he made a friend. DS said he spent most of his free time with this kid, ate lunch with him, sat with him, etc. The kid lives about 40 minutes away but DS thought the kid might want to "hang out" despite the distance. DS asked for his number and the kid said no, it was pointless b/c they lived so far from each other. The next day, DS wanted to get some other boys' numbers and I told him don't ask this boy again b/c he made it pretty clear his answer was no.

 

DS asked him again b/c he (DS) was asking other boys in front of this kid. The kid said, "No, I don't even know you."

 

My DS was/is heartbroken. I wish he hadn't asked again b/c it just made it worse. DS doesn't understand why the kid would say "I don't even know you" when they spent weeks together.

 

My poor kid. I feel awful for him. :(

 

(there are other things that have happened with my older DS but I don't have the energy to type it all out. The short story is my older DS also stepped waaaaaay out of his comfort zone, did something with maturity and got shut down anyway...)

Edited July 29, 2011 by unsinkable
because 'ate' and 'at' are 2 different words

[kalanamak]

 

My DS was/is heartbroken. I wish he hadn't asked again b/c it just made it worse. DS doesn't understand why the kid would say "I don't even know you" when they spent weeks together.

 

My poor kid. I feel awful for him. :(

 

I help my son with such heartaches by feeling sorry for the child who say such a thing.

[QuirkyKapers]

Awww-:grouphug: to you and your son.

[Jen500]

:grouphug:

[unsinkable]

Thanks, ladies.

 

I told DS it wasn't DS, that he didn't do anything wrong. It's almost like DS feels ashamed, as if he committed a social faux pas (my words, not DS's :tongue_smilie:) that he didn't even know about.

[shinyhappypeople]

Poor DS. :grouphug: Similar things have happened to my girls and it stinks. :(

[dangermom]

It's the other boy who committed the social faux pas.

[unsinkable]

Poor DS. :grouphug: Similar things have happened to my girls and it stinks. :(

 

I'm sorry. :grouphug:

[OLG]

So sorry-:grouphug: Kids can be just downright nasty at times. I still have scars from childhood attempts at friendship:D I think you have handled it beautifully with your son. I tell mine to take lots of time in deciding about who should be a friend. There just might be a better friend around the next corner (says this Polyanna mom!).

[Stacie Leigh]

Oh ouch that hurts so much!! :( My younger DS is slow to make friends and made a buddy he loved at nature camp last week. (He's never done anything like day camp either.) The kid lives an hour and 15 minutes away and he has his hopes up that the kid's mom will call me since he gave her my number, but it hasn't happened and I doubt it will. I know it's bad, but I kind of hope DS forgets and stops asking. :(

[katilac]

What I have seen is that most kids who meet in camp or class or such usually exchange emails or possibly facebook information, not phone numbers (particularly not land lines). Kind of "yeah, maybe we'll message sometime" whereas phone numbers are more "we're already friends."

 

Not that this excuses the other kid's reaction, but suggesting emails might make things easier for ds in the future.

[Impish]

:grouphug:

[Zamis]

you know your kids better than anyone, just pray for peace and wisdom and you will know what to do

[sheryl]

:grouphug: So sorry...you're not alone if that helps at all.

[SonshineLearner]

My son had friends at the last co-op I put together, and seriously, it's just a "play while you're there". It's been since maybe April, and no one has gotten together with us... and no one will. Not even the person who lives 7 minutes away; seriously, sometimes I want to go crawl in a cave:( But, I try to think, "chin up" things will work out better, next time.

[QueenCat]

:grouphug:s, been there many times, and it hurts every single time. So sorry you are hurting right now.:grouphug:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

:grouphug: I am sorry that boy was rude:( I have yet to find a friend for ds despite us doing every activity known to man;) Thank goodness he is pretty good about it. I try to tell him similar things that happened to my dh or myself. I also tell him we will continue to do activities and eventually we will meet someone:)

[JeneralMom]

When my DS8 spent a semester in Kinder, he made two really good friends (one girl, one boy). They did everything together, sat at the same table, all he could talk about were these two friends. When we decided to pull him out, I told their moms and they agreed that they needed to stay friends and get together. My son was so happy to be able to spend time with them still. Neither of them responded to any of my calls or emails. DS was so upset and he still talks about them, and wonders why they didn't want to stay friends. Breaks my heart.

[4wildberrys]

:grouphug::grouphug: It really hurts to have your kids treated that way :glare:

[unsinkable]

A few things:

 

1. I love you ladies.

 

2. I won't have time to reply to everyone.

 

3. These stories are breaking my heart.

 

:grouphug: huggy hugs for everyone!

[snickelfritz]

How old is your son? My kids run into many kids who have been expressly told, by parents, not to give numbers/info out. There are lots of people here, who would never let their child go over to a house where they don't know the parents.

 

And we have found, without constantly running into people or really deep connections......casual friendships aren't going to make it. Kids who are in school are going to gravitate towards kids they see all of the time or that are in their neighborhood. Why? It's hard work, otherwise. People are busy. People here talk ALL.THE.TIME about how much effort they put into providing friendship opportunities for their kids. I'm not really surprised when parents of kids in school, with built-in friendships, don't want to put the same effort. I find that I'm the one who has to make any extra effort, because it's more important to us. Not that they don't care, but they are getting their friendship needs met, easily, through school. So, I do lots of things that are inconvenient.

 

It's hard. My dd comes home from a 1 day, 3 hour camp and wants to invite someone over. It's hard to explain that it's just not gonna happen, but it's not personal.

[LittleIzumi]

It's the other boy who committed the social faux pas.

:iagree::iagree:

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[joannqn]

How old is your son? My kids run into many kids who have been expressly told, by parents, not to give numbers/info out. There are lots of people here, who would never let their child go over to a house where they don't know the parents.

 

And we have found, without constantly running into people or really deep connections......casual friendships aren't going to make it. Kids who are in school are going to gravitate towards kids they see all of the time or that are in their neighborhood. Why? It's hard work, otherwise. People are busy. People here talk ALL.THE.TIME about how much effort they put into providing friendship opportunities for their kids. I'm not really surprised when parents of kids in school, with built-in friendships, don't want to put the same effort. I find that I'm the one who has to make any extra effort, because it's more important to us. Not that they don't care, but they are getting their friendship needs met, easily, through school. So, I do lots of things that are inconvenient.

 

It's hard. My dd comes home from a 1 day, 3 hour camp and wants to invite someone over. It's hard to explain that it's just not gonna happen, but it's not personal.

:iagree:

 

 

The ability to see the same kids every day so that friendships form is the only reason I wish my kids were in public school. It's so much easier when friendships are built in like that. Of course, all of the negatives outweigh that one positive.

[unsinkable]

He's 12.

 

And the other question I wanted to answer was that this other kid doesn't have FB or email.

[Joanne]

{{{unsinkable and son}}}