My fourth grader is beginning to hate school

[LittleRed]

Hello,

 

I was a private school K4 and K5 teacher. I came home when I had my first child 9 years ago. When it came time for school, we decided I would teach him before sending him to "REAL" school. We loved it so much we kept going. He loved school and did very very well. We did Abeka videos for 1st grade. For second grade I attempted to teach Abeka myself...that's where it all began to fall apart. Last year, I did Horizon math (which was good) and everything else was out of the WTM book...FFL... WWE... SOTW... (not so good) Not good at all...

 

The point of this post is not to complain, but to seek wisdom. I don't know where to go from here. I went this route over traditional because I wanted my children to LOVE learning, not despise it. Is this typical for a fourth grader to start to balk schooling of any kind? Are the resources I am using just not a good fit? Or worse, am *I* failing my child because *I* am not qualified to do what I am doing?

 

I am also teaching my daughter (who will be in 1st grade this year) and will be adding my son soon...all of this is making me rethink the route I am taking. Has anyone ever felt this way?

[learningmama]

:grouphug: I'm sure others have more advice, but I'll tell you my dd's story. She is 7 and we did first grade last year. She really dislikes school work. Everyday it would be groan/moan "more schoolwork". In pre-K/kindy, she did not have this attitude (and she was doing some more "meaty" curriculum during that time too- not all fun and games). She is lazy and would rather "play" all day than sit-down and do any work. We had to really encourage and help her all school year long. Her attitude did get better by the end of the year, but the first half was daily struggles. I always told her that being home was much better than being away all day at school where she could not play, eat snacks, watch some tv, eat nasty lunch, and sit at your desk all day away from mama. She didn't like that scenario. My dh hated school growing up, but I loved it. Some kids personality determines how they are going to handle it as well.

 

Wanted to add that both my kids like to learn, but sitting and doing "schoolwork" is not their idea of how it is done. Hands-on projects, creative crafts, exploring outside and following their interests (fashion design for dd and dinosaurs for ds) is what they love to do.

Edited July 12, 2011 by learningmama

[Trish]

I don't know if it's a curriculum issue or not. Some school you just have to "do," and when you go to School school, you don't get a choice.

 

I know my 4th grader LOVED MCT language arts.

[LittleRed]

Thanks Learning mama:001_smile:

 

My goal is to attempt more and more hands on this year. I do think that would help. I get so nervous that while I am trying to figure out what works and what doesn't my kids will fall behind. I appreciate your "story" it helps to know I'm not alone =)

[butterflymommy]

I've experienced this with all my kids to varying degrees, and think it comes down to an attitude/ discipline problem. Unless, of course, you're asking them to do work that really is way over their head. But I would get the moaning, groaning even when the work was easy. They just didn't want to make the effort. :glare: We hobble along with a reward and consequence system, plus strictly limiting TV/ PC/ VG time. I give candy treats for playing a geography game and math bingo, there is no computer or TV use allowed if they don't do their schoolwork. With my oldest, I use monetary rewards-- $10 for 90 or better on an Algebra test, $40 for a completed practice SAT test where he does reasonably well. It's a tiny fraction of what it would cost to hire a tutor or pay for private school. It is very frustrating and I often want to give up, but I'm trying to take it day by day. :)

 

If you are sure the work you are asking of her isn't too hard, then don't make it an option not to do it. If there are leisure things she enjoys, don't allow them until she's done the "work." In school, she wouldn't have a choice over whether she feels like doing her homework or not, whether she had to take a test, etc..

[Lots of boys]

Hi, I have a ds 7 that HATES anything that resembles school. He has had two years of ps and had such a negative attitude about it that we have decided to HS moving forward. I thought HS would change his attitude but it hasn't really, I just try to work around it. He still dislikes school time at home but is doing well and it helps that I take lots of breaks etc. I think it is just his personality. He is sooooooo wiggly and hard to get focused. He does most of this lessons standing (ugh!) or moving about.

 

Now my middle ds (5) has been working on some "school" for a few months and loves it. He would sit and do workbooks for hours.

 

I figure it is just their personality and my ods would struggle with his attitude in ps so at least at home I can help him eventually see the value and joy in learning.

 

Good luck. I think if you keep at it, maybe try to give him a little more choice (pick which subjects he does first etc.), and have him "help" to teach your younger one (my oldest loves this - he feels so important), he will eventually work his way out of this stage (that is what I am hoping for with mine :) ).

 

Angela

[Lily_Grace]

LittleRed,

 

Go get your notebook. Sit down and just watch your son. Pretend he's a science project. But just watch him. See what he gravitates to, how he handles objects, what kind of energy he has. Watch his eyes light up and take note of that. Watch him slump in disinterest, and note that, too.

 

 

That's how I spent quite a few months. I watched my son and then matched curricula to him. While I love the WTM, at certain ages it didn't fit him. He needed very hands on, and if it didn't come that way then by golly I needed to make it fit. I mentioned before that 5th grade was the year we added The Dangerous Book For Boys to our curriculum. Oh, yes...and it worked.

 

At 12 he's more ready for the formal schooling. Not before. While we did SOTW, we focused more on the activities than writing summaries and timelines. I don't think it hurt him. I think it actually improved his love of the subject.

 

Just give it time and really look at what your son wants/needs. And ask him - what do you want to learn about? Take him to a curriculum store if you have one in your area and let him pick out a subject or more.

 

You'll figure it out. :001_smile:

[Ellie]

Thanks Learning mama:001_smile:

 

My goal is to attempt more and more hands on this year. I do think that would help. I get so nervous that while I am trying to figure out what works and what doesn't my kids will fall behind. I appreciate your "story" it helps to know I'm not alone =)

Your dc are still too young to fall behind, although we could ask "behind whom?" :001_smile:

 

I am not surprised that ABeka was not successful for you. I'd have recommended doing something else...anything else...from the beginning, because although some people are happy ABeka users, for MANY people, ABeka is an epic fail.

 

Let me tell you that it was probably our fourth or fifth year before I could look at something and KNOW it would work for me. And FTR, that was the year we did KONOS and Easy Grammar; never did find something I liked for math, and yet both my dds aced their college-level algebras and statistics...when they were 15. So when I tell you that your dc are still young and it will all work out, I know whereof I speak.

[LittleRed]

I am not certain as to whether it's too hard or not. I just know that in the beginning he LOVED school. It was fun for both of us...now he just doesn't want to do it...and the fight is draining me. My husband thought of sending him to school for a few days so he could see how good he had it at home...LOL! I doubt we would EVER actually do that...

 

I guess I just miss the LOVE school stage. I thought it would last longer =)

[LittleRed]

Thanks you soooo much for your encouragement everyone!!!! I am hopeful that we can make changes that will help! Thanks!!!

Edited July 12, 2011 by LittleRed

[LittleRed]

Your dc are still too young to fall behind, although we could ask "behind whom?" :001_smile:

 

I am not surprised that ABeka was not successful for you. I'd have recommended doing something else...anything else...from the beginning, because although some people are happy ABeka users, for MANY people, ABeka is an epic fail.

 

Let me tell you that it was probably our fourth or fifth year before I could look at something and KNOW it would work for me. And FTR, that was the year we did KONOS and Easy Grammar; never did find something I liked for math, and yet both my dds aced their college-level algebras and statistics...when they were 15. So when I tell you that your dc are still young and it will all work out, I know whereof I speak.

 

I can't tell you how much this post means to me...I am teary!!! I want so much to believe I am doing right by my kids...Thanks for sharing this!!!

[Lovedtodeath]

How much time are you spending on school work? Could you give us a sample schedule?

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/schedules/

 

Some can be the curriculum. My DD hated math until I switched to Teaching Textbooks. She loves it now.

 

She hated Sonlight and is doing really well with Heart of Dakota. (2 pages of reading for history or science, and that is not even every day... it is much more realistic than the 10 pages SL expected. She learns even more because of the assignments that HOD has to draw out and review.)

[JessReplanted]

We started with Abeka, and by 1st grade, my son was miserable. Last year I changed things up quite a bit, and school was much better. This year, I'm leaning towards Heart of Dakota, and anticipating an even more fun and pleasant school year (since *hopefully* I will be much less stressed!)

 

I think that changing curriculum can be very helpful!

[Embassy]

I think more important than loving school is loving learning. I would take a step back and observe your son. Watch him approach learning about something that interests him. Maybe he is more of a visual learner. The Abeka videos may have connected with him more because of that.

 

Sometimes it is hard to find a groove. I think it is important to find a match between your teaching style and your child's learning style. I think as a homeschooling parent we need to teach in such a way that we communicate interest and excitement about the topic. I know there are certain programs or curriculum out there where my child would do well, but I'd find them dull and a chore to get through. There are also programs out there that I love and find a joy to teach, but they don't connect with my child. Mostly, I've found that I've needed to make up our own curriculum for the content subjects and think outside the box as to how to approach the other subjects.

[hollyandab]

Ohhh, you are not alone! I have twin boys, and from the get-go (Kindergarten), one has loved school and one has hated ANYTHING that has to do with school. Thank goodness for the one that loved school, because I would most certainly have thought that I was failing as a teacher by the way the "school hater" child reacted to everything. We're now going into the 6th grade, and it really hasn't changed much. :tongue_smilie: He is very hands-on, like my hubby, while my other son and I are very much couch potatoes with a book! :001_smile: I recently read an article about "right brained" and "left brained" and now really see how they are just wired differently. I have tried to incorporate more hands-on learning (ugh) and have tried many different curricula to help him, but ultimately, he just doesn't want to do the work. I swear he's allergic to reading! And ya know...right brained or not, he's got to learn to read and understand it! My dh is right brained, and he somewhat struggled through school also. However, he is now a successful engineering project manager. So I'm constantly asking him how I should be teaching our right brained child, and he has basically said that regardless of him liking school or not, he just has to buckle down and do the work. It doesn't matter if he hates it or not, he's got to learn how to apply himself. Sure, hands-on is nice, but that's not how life is...it's not all fun and games. So while finding the right learning style is important, he still has to learn how to read and write and do math. I suppose math lends itself to hands-on, but the reading and writing, well, he's just gotta buck up and do it!! :lol: Not every child is going to beg to do school...I don't care what the marketing team of every curriculum is telling you! So, stick to your guns, and tell him he doesn't have to like it, but he DOES have to do it!!

 

Have fun! :lol:

 

Holly in KY

[mothergooseof4]

My oldest has always been hsed and has always hated it. He is lazy and selfish and really just wants to do what he wants to do. I try to encourage him to have a good attitude and other than that it just has to be done. I gave up long ago trying to make it fun for him because he saw right through it and would call me out on it. "Mom, this is school not a game!" When I put Mad Libs in his stocking at Christmas, "I can't believe it! I got school in my stocking!"

 

My second ds and my dd started out loving school. They would ask to do more in K and 1st. Then the new wore off and now they complain, too. I am sure part of this is because of the example their older brother has set. I have tried making school fun. They still don't want to do it, but I don't have as hard of a time with these two.

 

I have found things that they prefer according to each one's likes/dislikes, abilities, and learning styles. It makes things better. But, ultimately they would prefer to play all day just like I would prefer to read or be on the internet than do laundry. So, complaining has consequences and working hard to get it done has rewards.

[cjgrubbs]

I think you should work to make it more "fun". There are still things you have to do and worksheets will be required but some fun activities can make it better. Check out timberdoodle.com for their curriculum packages. I'm not saying buy the package (I won't be!), but look at the "fun" activities that they include for each age range and others they sale for that age. I'm striving to make it more fun this year too. We are going to play math games one day a week for math (RightStart math games book) and I'm working on my cart from Timberdoodle right now for some hands on fun manipulatives. Even things like critical thinking puzzles to start the day off with (Think a Grams) may make things more fun.

 

Also, you really may have to switch curriculum on some subjects if your child is really struggling. And that is ok. that is the beauty of homeschooling!

 

Chantelle in AL

[my2boysteacher]

See what he gravitates to, how he handles objects, what kind of energy he has. Watch his eyes light up and take note of that. Watch him slump in disinterest, and note that, too.

 

While I love the WTM, at certain ages it didn't fit him. He needed very hands on, and if it didn't come that way then by golly I needed to make it fit.

 

:iagree:My oldest son has been a challenge from day one. I call him my little puzzle. Come to find out he is extremely visual-spatial in his learning style. "Normal" reading and writing curricula are not effective for him. It has taken many years of adjusting and readjusting, but I think we're finally starting to figure out which methods work well for him, and make him feel successful, which is the most important thing in my mind.

What does your son like to do? What are his strengths? What is his learning style? Try to encorporate them into whichever curriculum you choose. Good luck!

[Ummto4]

I also have a boy who is soon to be a fourth grader. There are a couple of things I do to spice things up:

1. Alternate basic skill lessons (the boring ones) with content lessons.

2. For the content lessons (sci, geogr, history), vary between read aloud, read aloud with narration, read alone, globe work, notebooking (drawing - not coloring maps, timelining, general drawing, and other notebooking activities), projects/expt for science, and video watching. We use HOD-Bigger (minus the bible study because we're not Christian) this year, and it's been v. fun. I don't really follow their science to a T though.

3. For math, if your ds loathes workbook, ask him to sit with you and do the majority work on the whiteboard (on the lap). My ds gets more out of math session this way. Use one day per week for math games.

4. Language art - turns out my ds is having difficulty with grammar terms, except the basic 8 part of speech, and subj-predicate. So I focus more on usage using old/vintage googlebooks. For spelling we use Apple and Pears which he loves. For writing --> I mostly incorporate writing with content subjects now while notebooking (painless because he likes his notebook). I occasionally get him to write based on prompts from old googlebooks, but not always.

 

So far, I can see that his skills have grown by leaps and bounds, and he enjoys the process.

 

HTH

[seabrise]

My ds 8 begged to be hs'ed since 1st grade because he was "bored" but now that I have pulled him out, he is still bored and complains when I ask him to do even the simplest of tasks. I too, am using SOTW which he complains about (he is very bright, but also very lazy).

I found on a Peacehillpress youtube video, SWB going through a lapbook that a student did for SOTW 1. My son is very hands-on and crafty and when I showed him the video, he started coming up with all these ideas for his own lapbook. Yesterday he was going through the Egyptian gods and comparing them with the Greek and Roman gods; he was organizing his lapbook page so he "would not get confused in the future". I also ordered a Chem. curriculum that has 2-3 experiments for every lesson. He is VERY excited about that. I have started using MUS blocks with his MM lessons. In essence I have found that limiting workbooks is the key with him.

Edited July 12, 2011 by seabrise

[Alicia64]

I am not certain as to whether it's too hard or not. I just know that in the beginning he LOVED school. It was fun for both of us...now he just doesn't want to do it...and the fight is draining me. My husband thought of sending him to school for a few days so he could see how good he had it at home...LOL! I doubt we would EVER actually do that...

 

I guess I just miss the LOVE school stage. I thought it would last longer =)

 

My boys are eight yrs. and they're just like yours. They moan and groan. It makes me so sad -- because just last year they seemed much more into it.

 

We use Math U See which seems to work well. One of my boys -- who struggles more with math -- seems to do better when he sits on my lap at the table and we "do it together." He's much more amenable.

 

Also, we do "Skittle School" sanctioned by Susan Wise Bauer, btw. When they answer SOTW questions correctly, they get two Skittles. It's meant to be a lot of fun and I make sure everyone get their candy even if they mess up on the English kings or whatever.

 

I do a ton of reading aloud which I sprinkle into the day and they love that.

 

But, yes, it's hard. Their homeschool life is so cool, but they don't know it because. . . they don't know what elementary school day in and day out is really like!

 

Alley

[LittleIzumi]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: If it's not working, tweak, change or pitch it. No guilt.

 

We have had huge writing & reading struggles here lately, and I am finally making progress. I had to get my head out of my... well... and change my expectations and approach. In some areas she is bored and needs more challenge. In other areas I need to dial back my expectations and go back to the beginning. For instance, she's been writing her letters for years (self-taught), but HATED writing anything for me. It was like pulling teeth to get one sentence of four words. If I wanted it actually correct--lowercase letters, spaces between words, correct orientation, she would throw a fit & cry & refuse to do it at all. I realized she didn't really know how to make her lowercase letters well, since she taught herself & got confused or reversed them so often. So even though she's in 1st-4th work, I pulled out my K HWoT stuff and got to work. We flew through the capitals quickly and then started on a few lowercase letters a day. I also changed my attitude from frustration (she should be able to do this!!!) to encouragement as if I was teaching it to her for the first time. Today she wrote an entire little story (via copywork--she dictated, I wrote the copywork, she copied it) beautifully--all the letters correct, pretty little lowercase letters, punctuation, better than I could have hoped for. She then said she wanted to do more and that she LOVED writing!! :D Huge change from the crying and fits before.

 

I also had to dial back my expectations in reading and give her things that push her juuuuust a tiny bit, but that she feels comfortable with, to build her fluency. She is scared of reading hard things, and while she can do it, right now fighting over reading is not the goal. She read her most pages ever yesterday by going through "Are You My Mother," which is pretty easy for her, but new content, and it helped her gain confidence. She counted how many pages she read afterwards :lol:.

 

OTOH, Her reluctance to do math before was probably sheer boredom, and I had to really ramp that up to a higher level. Now I feel like we wasted the entire last year but I can't fix that, so I'm just moving onward at top speed.

 

The biggest change though was just my ATTITUDE. Instead of frustration that she should be able to do that, I had to remind myself that I am her teacher. I am teaching her, and if she doesn't know or remember something, then I need to TEACH it to her in a better way, a different way, and be encouraging.

 

I also bribe with treats or balloons for her to blow up sometimes. :D

 

I have also tried about 50 different curricula items before finding what is working now, and I have others for when things change yet again, lol.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I wouldn't say that any of my dc love school. No matter what, they would all rather be doing their own thing. I think hearing about dc waking up with learning on their minds, all sitting about devouring books, having deep discussions, excitedly pouring over algebraic formulas and being able to recite all the presidents and states by 1st grade because "they just love this stuff", makes a lot of us feel like we are doing something wrong. We aren't! I truly believe that it all has to do with how your dc is wired. Your dc may never LOVE learning what you need him to learn but that doesn't mean that he has to hate it either. It also doesn't mean that he can't learn a lot of what he needs to know by doing the things he does love and is passionate about. You are going to have to find a balance between what needs to be done and allowing making it as enjoyable as possible.

 

You may have to think outside of the box to educate this dc. Do you know his learning style? There are many sites online where you can answer a few questions and be able to get a fairly good idea of his learning style. Most dc are a combination but have a greater tendency toward one. The dc I have the most challenge in teaching is dd12 and she is visual with a sencondary tendency toward kinesthetic. She is also spatial in her thinking rather than sequential. Here is a good sight to explain the difference between the two.

 

Once I was able to pinpoint her learning style, how she processes information and how she views things, it became much easier to find methods and programs to suit her best. As a result we have gone from daily tears and frustration to her actually getting excited about what she is learning. Now, she will still, if given the option, choose NOT to do school; even if it is something she would find fun. She would just much rather do her own thing under her own direction and on her own time table, even if it it's the same thing as what I was going to have her do. She likes to be in control, so much of her "school" is directed by her.

 

Anyway, all that to say, figure him out and customize. Talk to him, ask him what he likes and doesn't like, give him some input. If you want to get a better understanding of things you could do that are outside the parameters of just traditional or classical educations you might want to read through this thread. It has really helped shape how I educate all of my dc but especially the one I used to (and still do to some extent) have the most trouble with.

 

I hope some of this is of help to you. I know where you are right now becuase I've been there. It's hard, frustrating, sad and makes your heart hurt. It makes you doubt your ability and makes you feel like you are failing your child. Please don't give up on him...take some time to educate yourself a bit more about some different options and, as others have said, back up and see past the immediate issues and frustrations and really take a good look at your boy; try to see things through his eyes. If he is like my dd12 he is probably just as frustrated as you are by trying to be pushed into a square hole when he is a completley different shape. :grouphug:

[HayleyKC]

2 things-

 

1. kids do go through phases, especially with certain subjects. this does always cause me to question it all, is it me? is it them? is it the curriculum? I think that takes some time, observing, prayer, to see if it's something where you just need to spice things up here and there or work with your student on attitude and outlook. However, if it's more than just a subject, and it's school in general, I personally would think it may be time for an overhaul. Something to think about anyway.

 

2. considering your eldest is not liking it all and considering you have 2 more you will be adding to your homeschool equation, I really, really, really, recommend Tapestry of Grace. I'm of course biased because I use it and love it but will also say, one of the best things about it is it makes homeschooling multiples flow so much better for you all! Also, my kids have subjects they're "tired of" or "don't like" here and there, it goes in phases, but that never happens with our Tapestry subjects. When we finished Year 1 last month, they were both sad and didn't want to be done. They both learned a ton and loved it! And. . so did I!

 

Just something to think about. From what I've heard and read, Abeka is solid, tried and true, but for some students, depending on personality and learning style, can be boring, and can be very difficult for a parent of multiple students doing all different things. With Tapestry in contrast, it's like rather than each person in your family in their own car doing their own thing, you're all in the car together heading in the same direction which brings so much unity and simplicity to your schooling experience!

 

For what it's worth. . . hope this is helpful.

 

Best of luck!

Edited July 13, 2011 by HayleyKC

[Mommy22alyns]

Becca liked school a lot more when we were doing SOTW. We used SL last year and she kept asking for us to do "fun school." I think she'll like MFW Adv. this year with her sister. But she does know that school work HAS to be done and it's not all going to be fun & games. She knows that if she went TO school there would be a lot more work and a lot less play involved. So she doesn't complain too terribly much.

[dcjlkplus3]

My daughter (almost 10) doesn't like handson projects any more than she likes other things. Even at her age she would rather play or read than do any kind of work. When I was having a hard time with this (I think around 3rd grade (we are finishing 4th grade now), I realized that if I sent her to school I would be having trouble with her the whole time she was home because she wouldn't want to do homework anymore than she wants to do school now. It is a battle she would have no matter what or where she was schooled.

[warneral]

I am SUCH a newbie we have just started HS'ing since public school got out in June. One thing I am finding is that they need little breaks to be active and "do". We're trying to do some hands on activities which they are just "eh" about. They like them ok and I do think it helps them remember what they are learning. But what I'm doing that is very interesting to them, is finding online games associated with the history topic. We found a super fun "make a mummy" game (there are tons out there actually) and have found lots of ancient egypt computer activities. Even ancient Sumerian activities were a hit (pretending to be a farmer). These little things help b/c they love computer games and I have been really limiting wii/fun computer lately. I hope there will be similar games throughout the various ages we study!

 

Perhaps you would like a more work-booky type curriculum for grammar? I chose Growing w/ Grammar b/c my kids like workbooks and b/c it seems pretty straight forward and easy to implement. We won't be using it til fall.

[campmom]

Don't be discouraged, and remember that even great curriculums don't work for every child. Look at each curriculum individually and see if you can pinpoint which ones are making his school day unhappy for instance he may be fine with the grammer and spelling you are doing but really dislike the time period you have chosen for history - find out what he is interested in and study that time you don't HAVE to do it in order he will learn what he is interested in and will be bored to tears with what he is not but if you find his interest then he may develop a love of learning new things and have a desire to do those "other" time periods. Or maybe science is what he really dislikes find one that would interest him. A love of learning is what you are wanting it will make your job as a teacher so much easier. Don't be afraid to try something different and outside of the box. But do be firm about the fact that he will do something. My boys are so excited about doing American history next year and are already looking at all of the new books we have gotten in. We are using My Fathers world.

The year I used sonlight, I thought I was lose my mind- it was way to much stuff for us BUT my daughter developed a love of reading because the books were so good. She has never lost that love and in 22yrs old now. Thats when I realized what I was really looking for in curriculum something that touches them in a way that they don't want to put it down. You may not find that for every subject, but should be able to for some of them which should make him happier.

[KrissiK]

My oldest hates school, or so he says. Basically, he's lazy, doesn't want to be told what to do and would really rather play video games and watch tv all day. He's 8 years old. You can see what curriculum we're doing by my siggy. It's a battle with him most days. And he's a bright kid, too. I just try to be matter-of-fact with him. He doesn't have a choice in the matter and we just push through it. I"m surprised, though, that when you gravitated more towards TWTM things got worse. My oldest's favorite part of the day is history and we're doing SOTW. He loves it.

[....]

Hello,

 

I was a private school K4 and K5 teacher. I came home when I had my first child 9 years ago. When it came time for school, we decided I would teach him before sending him to "REAL" school. We loved it so much we kept going. He loved school and did very very well. We did Abeka videos for 1st grade. For second grade I attempted to teach Abeka myself...that's where it all began to fall apart. Last year, I did Horizon math (which was good) and everything else was out of the WTM book...FFL... WWE... SOTW... (not so good) Not good at all...

 

The point of this post is not to complain, but to seek wisdom. I don't know where to go from here. I went this route over traditional because I wanted my children to LOVE learning, not despise it. Is this typical for a fourth grader to start to balk schooling of any kind? Are the resources I am using just not a good fit? Or worse, am *I* failing my child because *I* am not qualified to do what I am doing?

 

I am also teaching my daughter (who will be in 1st grade this year) and will be adding my son soon...all of this is making me rethink the route I am taking. Has anyone ever felt this way?

 

OK, first I want to say that you're probably very qualified to homeschool. :D

 

Second, I tried Abeka with one of my kids and it was a horrible disaster, too. I refuse to even look on their website for fear this kid might see the Abeka emblem and run away.

 

Third, have you read Cathy Duffy's Top 100 Curriculum Picks book? She talks about learning styles and what kinds of homeschooling approaches work with different personalities.

 

Fourth, I have a Dude. Ah, sigh. This is our third year homeschooling, so I kinda know how to keep his interest with schoolwork. Here's what our Dude likes:

 

1. He LOVES unit studies. Someone mentioned Konos - that's probably a good idea. Everything we do somehow gets turned into a unit study. We're doing a unit study on Sign of the Beaver right now and he's making a stop motion photography movie based on the book. He made a set and everything. He's really into this.

 

2. I have to find things that are man-oriented. Any readers that involve a boy on a quest or a man defeating a horde of invaders...well, you get the picture. If they made a spelling program where all the words and lessons tied into battling alien invaders, I would buy it.

 

3. As much hands-on experiments, projects, etc as I can come up with... We're studying biology this year and so far, we've dissected owl pellets, flowers and we're going to work thru a dissection kit with a perch, starfish, frog, etc. I also have him doing some beginning carpentry this year and I'm putting it on his "mommy transcript". I also label this as school so it implants warm, fuzzy feelings of school when we break out Spelling Workout.

 

4. We do a lot of interest-led stuff. Our science probably borders on being labeled unschooling.

 

I also have a friend with some Dudes and she has to do things like...competitions... placing the answers to questions on post-it notes, putting them on the wall and having them shoot the right answer with their Nerf guns...:glare: Oh, mine likes to know that he "beat the 9 yro" with his schoolwork. He wants to be the first one to finish language arts and math. It's an important part of his day. Oh, Boy.

[Lovedtodeath]

I also have a friend with some Dudes and she has to do things like...competitions... placing the answers to questions on post-it notes, putting them on the wall and having them shoot the right answer with their Nerf guns...:glare: Oh, mine likes to know that he "beat the 9 yro" with his schoolwork. He wants to be the first one to finish language arts and math. It's an important part of his day. Oh, Boy.

That is awesome!

[LittleRed]

So much wisdom here! Thank you for taking the time to share your experiences. Yesterday, I read through the part of Cathy Duffy's book on learning styles after I took some time and asked my son what it was he didn't like about FFL, WWE, SOTW. He said he DID like SOTW, but that he didn't like all the talking I did for WWE and FLL. (Haha Go figure, a boy who doesn't like to hear a girl talk too long =) Then I read to him the list of ways to spot different learning styles and he said to me "Mom, you can just call me Carl." LOL!

 

So, I was thinking to switch to Easy Grammar (since I understand that is more independent) But I don't know what to do about supplementing WWE. He is a very good reader. Last week he read a Narnia book (not one from a movie...The Horse and His Boy) anyway he read it in three days and was given a "quiz" from a family friend and I was amazed at his retention! If I were read to him a passage from WWE and then ask him questions...he can't do it. Nor can he do dictation unless it's very short.

 

Any suggestions?

 

Again, thank you so much to those who have shared already!!

[Lovedtodeath]

So much wisdom here! Thank you for taking the time to share your experiences. Yesterday, I read through the part of Cathy Duffy's book on learning styles after I took some time and asked my son what it was he didn't like about FFL, WWE, SOTW. He said he DID like SOTW, but that he didn't like all the talking I did for WWE and FLL. (Haha Go figure, a boy who doesn't like to hear a girl talk too long =) Then I read to him the list of ways to spot different learning styles and he said to me "Mom, you can just call me Carl." LOL!

 

So, I was thinking to switch to Easy Grammar (since I understand that is more independent) But I don't know what to do about supplementing WWE. He is a very good reader. Last week he read a Narnia book (not one from a movie...The Horse and His Boy) anyway he read it in three days and was given a "quiz" from a family friend and I was amazed at his retention! If I were read to him a passage from WWE and then ask him questions...he can't do it. Nor can he do dictation unless it's very short.

 

Any suggestions?

 

Again, thank you so much to those who have shared already!!

I would let him read the WWE passage himself. Dictation is an important skill to learn... maybe these will help.

 

 

 

 

[LittleRed]

I would let him read the WWE passage himself. Dictation is an important skill to learn... maybe these will help.

 

 

 

 

 

 

THAT was soooooo helpful!!! THANK YOU!!!! I did not even know those videos existed! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! :001_smile:

[mom2boys030507]

My 8yo son hates school but loves to learn.

 

If I let him tell me what he wants to learn about he will read, write, draw and retain. I tell him what he needs to do and it most likely becomes a battle.

 

I have found having him do 90% of the reading himself helps tons. Allowing him to draw pictures to go with most of the writing he does if he wants to. Adding in an extra art project when work is done in a timely manner. It has also worked well when I give him an assignment list for the day. Then he know exactly what needs to be done for each subject to be free to go play before lunch.

 

We are fortunate to have a school bus go past our house so he knows when other kids go to school and come home. This has been a small help in realizing that he gets a lot more free time during the day.

[EKS]

You may need to alter your expectations about the loving learning thing. Learning something challenging can be uncomfortable and kids like to avoid discomfort.

 

That said, you can make your lesson time go more smoothly by really analyzing where things fall apart. Does he dislike filling in worksheets? Most worksheet-type stuff can be done orally. Does he freak out when confronted with lots of math problems on a page? Give them to him one by one on small whiteboard (actually, the small whiteboard solves a lot of problems in our house). Does he hate history narrations? Don't do them and instead have him write a report on a broader topic.

 

These examples I'm giving are ones I've actually lived with my younger son. Sometimes it's not the resource but the format that's the problem. Or there's too much repetition and they get tired of having to repeat themselves.

 

Sometimes it is the resource and you need to make some changes. But if you're armed with some idea of what the problem is, it is easier to find a resource that will meet your (and his) needs.

 

ETA: A visual timer can really help with those distasteful tasks that simply can't be altered.

Edited July 13, 2011 by EKS

[kandty]

You have gotten great reponses! I don't have much to add. We struggle with this too. I do know that having the right stuff is a big help. My oldest is old enough to help pick out his books. Also, keep in mind that kids change. Two years ago my oldest didn't want anything to do with a workbook and now he prefers it. I really think we over look our kids a lot when picking out curriculm. They can provide a lot of feedback, so don't forget to get advice from the kids too. :001_smile:

[Stephrhena]

My soon to be fourth grader is in the same boat. She is not looking forward to starting school AT ALL. I am trying to allow her some input on the curriculum we order by letting her preview it and tell me her opinion. I am letting her "green light" the independent book list I am putting together, so if there is one that she is not interested in at all, we can figure that out now instead of after I purchase it. I am just praying for an interested heart!

[TracyR]

I swear every family has to have at least one child that hates school in any form whatsoever.

 

My oldest is the same way. We started out with homeschooling from the very start. My daughter loved school until she hit about the age of 7. One day she went to sleep being a happy go lucky kid that was willing to try anything to a child that just dug her heals in every chance she got.

It got very draining to say the least but I did keep moving on. She fought me every step of the way. No matter what I've used with her it has never been good enough. So its just her personality.

 

We did send the girls to school this year and it really backfired. They did so well they liked it. LOL! We're going back to homeschooling this year because the school dropped their 7th and 8th grade due to lack of students ,, they all go over to the horrid high school we have. And my youngest has health issues. So we're not going to redo that again this year. That left my two middle ones. The tuition went up so that made our decision easy. I'll be homeschooling them all this year. My younger 3 are fine with it. They like to be home. They said they loved school but they like being home better with mom.

My oldest loved it and has begged to go over to the high school which is an absolute NO WAY. She has been stubborn about it but I told her we just have to make do with what we have at the moment. She'll get a way better education here at home , though I'll admit I can't compete with the extra curriculuar stuff like wood shop and cosmetology and such.

 

My long winded answer is: Its not you and its not the curriculum. Its the kid. Things aren't light and fluffy and no fun anymore. Its the same way in school I noticed too. The preschoolers, the kindergardeners , the 1st and 2nd graders had all the fun learning. Once you hit 3rd grade that's when the academics hit and you begun to hear, " I hate school." and " The little kids get to do all the fun stuff."

 

I would add in some hands on learning, lapbooking etc this year. Its no guarentee that he'll be any happier with his work. Just , every family has a kid that just is not happy with anything you do.

 

Now my 2nd daughter will sit and happily do her work no matter when I ask her to. She never complains or grumbles about it. My 3rd daughter will do her work , she will grumble a little but its because she sees her lazy oldest sister do it. And my 4th , well she's 4 and she loves anything to do with learning right now. I love this stage :>)

 

Hang in there. Sending him to school isn't going to change the attitude. Its just something you have to work through. My oldest even tried doing the least amount of work she possibly could do when she attended brick and mortar school. Why? Because it was boring. Ugh Rolling eyes here.

 

If its any consolation it took me about 8yrs to find the right curriculum for all of us as a family. This year I'm using Christian Light for Reading, LA,and Math and I'm not looking back.

[MusicMama]

I just finished listening to a HS conference speaker who said, "Let them learn in the way that appeals to them the best, not the way you want them to learn." It was eye-opening for me, a type A personality where everything has to be done "right". Releasing the reins and following their lead on learning methods, not necessarily subjects or schedules, is supposed to be a benefit of homeschooling. Letting go is just hard for me!

 

Hope you find the balance you need!