Need advice! Please vote

[Haiku]

I also agree with those that said 14 is a bit young for a job yet. I'd encourage her to wait a year.

 

I got my first job, selling sno-cones, at 13. At 14 and 15 I bused tables at a fancy restaurant. At 16 I got a job at a pizza place. I worked there until I graduated from high school. I had $10,000+ saved.

 

I think 14 is the PERFECT age for a job.

 

Tara

[Carpe]

As a younger sister, I say the younger sister should find her own place to work. She has no idea how annoying it is to work with your sister. It won't be the fun job for either of them if they're working together.

[Remudamom]

"that type of situation"?? Have you ever worked in a restaurant? My parents insisted I work one summer. Anyhow, I had to waitress. Dirty old men, inappropriate remarks, teens that thought they were all that, on and on. I was 19 and couldn't believe it. And this was a place owned by friends of our family. I wouldn't put a 14 yr old in that type of situation for anything.

[HappyCrazyMama]

:iagree:

 

I'd be working on an attitude adjustment on the older one. If she is behaving in a way that she'd be embarrassed to have her sister watch, then perhaps she shouldn't be behaving that way in the first place.

 

:iagree: Now whether or not you want your 14 yo in that type of situation (or working at all) is a whole other topic imo but for what's been laid out in the OP I say your oldest is being quite selfish.

 

And I voted wrong.:rolleyes:

[HappyCrazyMama]

"that type of situation"?? Have you ever worked in a restaurant? My parents insisted I work one summer. Anyhow, I had to waitress. Dirty old men, inappropriate remarks, teens that thought they were all that, on and on. I was 19 and couldn't believe it. And this was a place owned by friends of our family. I wouldn't put a 14 yr old in that type of situation for anything.

This was also my experience, especially the bolded, and I worked at a grocery store. :001_huh: :rolleyes:

[abacus2]

I am the oldest in my family. I have two younger sisters. I cannot fathom expecting to lay claim to a workplace as "mine." Good jobs are hard to come by and any family member should be able to take any job that made sense for them.

[Home'scool]

It's ironic that the polling was almost split right down the middle! This is how I have felt!

 

My viewpoint is that your 17 yo is making 17 yo wages and making 17 yo buying choices. Your 17 yo and 14 yo are not equal. Your 14 yo can strive to be like her sister, that's fine, but she's too young to behave like she's 17 now. IMO, which you asked for, you're 14yo is trying to behave like her sister and it's your job as the parent to help her to grow into a 17 yo instead of trying to morph in a 17 yo at 14.

 

 

I think this has tipped me over to not letting her work there right now. I think she is old enough to work, I worked at 14 and lived, but this point speaks to the larger issue: because she is the younger one she tends to think that she can do all her older sister does. I was the younger one and I certainly thought that. Like I said before, when my older one was 14 she wasn't even thinking about getting a job. But she didn't have it right in her face.

 

My younger one also struggles with being in her older sister's shadow. I was actually surprised that she wanted to work there being that she would again be "the little sister" just like she is at the high school.

 

Perhaps next year, when my older one goes off to college, she can apply then.

 

So, thank you for this! It gives me a good way to explain my decision to her.

 

And thank you all for taking the time to vote and give your opinion. While I do not agree that 14 is too young to work, nor do I agree that my older daughter's unwillingness to have her work there falls under the category of "selfish", I do appreciate all the input. :001_smile:

[NanceXToo]

Usually as a mother I can see one side more than another so I make the decision and that is that. But this one...... I see and understand both sides.

 

So' date=' what which side would you take?[/quote']

 

I see the group as a whole is just as split on this as you are since the votes are pretty much half and half lol.

 

My initial thought is that I probably wouldn't want my 14 year old having that sort of job yet just because I'd probably consider it too young in general. But if you are comfortable with your daughter having that sort of job and feel she is mature enough etc., then I wouldn't let the fact that older daughter is working there too deter me from allowing it- she doesn't have a monopoly on the pizza place and needs to learn to deal with all sorts of other co-workers, even if one happens to be her sister. So I voted for the let her work there option.

 

ETA: P.S. I don't consider this type of thing to be the same as "wanting to do everything a 17 y/o does"... if you feel that 14 is old enough to work, that's not the same as letting her do EVERYTHING a 17 year old does which may involve going in cars with friends, dating, being out later on days she isn't working and so on- your 14 y/o would probably still have more age appropriate rules, but if you consider a job okay for a 14 year old, then this is a job, you know what I mean?

[Daisy]

My 14 yo ds says this job sounds like a juvenile Hooters. LOL FWIW, I've read all the OP post verbatim.

 

One thing Dh wonders is if you want your 14 yo dd exposed to the way a lot of teen girls are dressing and behaving as well as high school boys (if you know what he means).

 

My viewpoint is that your 17 yo is making 17 yo wages and making 17 yo buying choices. Your 17 yo and 14 yo are not equal. Your 14 yo can strive to be like her sister, that's fine, but she's too young to behave like she's 17 now. IMO, which you asked for, you're 14yo is trying to behave like her sister and it's your job as the parent to help her to grow into a 17 yo instead of trying to morph in a 17 yo at 14.

 

Working is about making money, whether the workplace is fun or not. This work environment is one of the few that is a party zone. The environment you described might not be the best place for 14 yo, 16, maybe, depending on her outlook on life.

 

Again, my opinion, as asked for. Although, I'm beginning to see that our families priorities are not the same, no judgment intended, just an explanation for the disagreement.

 

:iagree: Completely and totally agree.

 

For me anyway it has nothing to do with an older sibling having "dibs" on a job. A job is a job. If you are grown up enough to have a job, you are also grown up enough to deal with sibling issues while on the job.

 

However, I wouldn't want my 14yo working at the type of establishment the OP described.

[JFSinIL]

Since big sister got a job there, and is doing well, they may be more interested in hiring another kid from your family than someone they do not know. It is a good opportunity - not easy for teens to find jobs nowadays. Big sister may move on, anyway, to college or a better job as she grows up - kid sister has several more teen years that can be worked at pizza joint. I do not think big sister should say kid sister can't work there. She is not the boss.

[nukeswife]

Since big sister got a job there, and is doing well, they may be more interested in hiring another kid from your family than someone they do not know. It is a good opportunity - not easy for teens to find jobs nowadays. Big sister may move on, anyway, to college or a better job as she grows up - kid sister has several more teen years that can be worked at pizza joint. I do not think big sister should say kid sister can't work there. She is not the boss.

 

:iagree:

I think your older dd is being a bit selfish. Yes it's nice to have your own "thing" but that's for hobbies, not jobs.

[Dobela]

No. I would not have the 14 yr old work there. The sooner she is exposed to the teen hangout, the sooner she may be exposed to things that you really don't want her exposed to. Give her time to grow up and mature some more. I would find her other work until she is older. I know some places have age limits and around here a 14 yr old could not be hired by a pizza placefor insurance and liability reasons.

[happi duck]

Around here, jobs like that are held by adults who are trying hard to support families so it surprises me that they even have a job open for such a young kid.

[OrganicAnn]

Wasn't this the place that the older DD was have trouble a while ago with one of the managers? Wasn't she almost going to quit over it?

 

Is that a factor with the older DD?

[Mommy2BeautifulGirls]

I think older daughter should deal with it. Younger DD will have a difficult time finding a job since she's only 14 and it's highly unlikely she'll make more than minimum wage. It's also not like she has gone in there and bugged them to hire her -- they asked HER. Is it possible that they could work different shifts since the place is so flexible? Wouldn't that solve the problem?

:iagree: I was going to suggest the same thing-different shifts.

[Saujana]

The younger sister will have to learn to respect the olr sister space and not to take advantage of her. But on the other hand, she has the right to work there as anyone else. She was offered the job and can work hard to keep it. The bog sister doesn't need to be in the picture.

[sewingmama]

If your 14 yo is looking for work because she wants to rather then because she has to then I would encourage her to look somewhere else.

 

There are so many politics that come into play when working with family.

 

What would happen say if:

 

Your ODD caught YDD stealing money from the till

ODD saw YDD being harrassed by teenage males

YDD continously recieved employee of the month awards whilst ODD never did

ODD had to train/manage YDD - would YDD be open to accepting ODD's authority

The boss keeps comparing the abilities of the two girls

 

I say give 17 DD her space - I would have hated working at the same place as my family unless it was really necessary.

[LaxMom]

In our area, the question would be moot; you have to be 16 to handle food or money so, no cooking, serving, or counter work.

 

As one with no siblings, I acutely feel the "space" need. I would be irate if my husband wanted to work with me. That is my time to be in a different dynamic. I didn't appreciate it when my parents came to eat at my place of business when I was a teenager. Not because I was doing anything wrong or weird or whatever... My job was just mine and I felt very protective of that.

[Mommy22alyns]

If you are fine with your 14 yo working there, then I'd let her work there. I started working at 15. I am :bigear: though, because I can see this happening in my future!

[PentecostalMom]

...I also do not see much if any need for a 14 year old to be working like that. I don't think I would want my 14 year old working at the teen hangout spot. *to me* 14 is just too young for that.

 

:iagree: No other reason than that.

[angela in ohio]

"that type of situation"?? Have you ever worked in a restaurant? My parents insisted I work one summer. Anyhow, I had to waitress. Dirty old men, inappropriate remarks, teens that thought they were all that, on and on. I was 19 and couldn't believe it. And this was a place owned by friends of our family. I wouldn't put a 14 yr old in that type of situation for anything.

 

Yep. I waitressed in several nice family restaurants throughout high school and college. Restaurants seem to have a culture all their own. Everything I know about depravity and sexual harassment I learned as a waitress. (Sadly, we live in a world where teen girls are pretty much "prey.") :glare: I was too young to handle it at 16 and 17 yo, but better able at 18 and up. I can't imagine it at 14 yo.

[StephanieZ]

I didn't vote, lol. ..

 

I think you should tell them both that the job is all big sis's until she turns 18. . . and when she does, then it's fair game for lil sis, too. . . and you fully expect big sis and lil sis to be fully supportive of each other when the time comes.

[missiemick]

Why does the 14 yo sister need to be working at a teen hangout? There is a big difference from 14 to 17. Let the 14 yo find her own identity.

[ereks mom]

I am biased toward the older sister, because I am an older sister, and it is very nice and usually rare to have something that is wholly "yours". I would also imagine that dd the elder will not be working working there much longer (unless she has plans to attend college living at home).

 

I also do not see much if any need for a 14 year old to be working like that. I don't think I would want my 14 year old working at the teen hangout spot. *to me* 14 is just too young for that.

 

If it is on the other end of town, does dd the elder drive there? Would she be responsible for getting her much younger sister to work if they work together?

 

:iagree: Exactly what I was thinking too.

[Plink]

Yep. I waitressed in several nice family restaurants throughout high school and college. Restaurants seem to have a culture all their own. Everything I know about depravity and sexual harassment I learned as a waitress. (Sadly, we live in a world where teen girls are pretty much "prey.") :glare: I was too young to handle it at 16 and 17 yo, but better able at 18 and up. I can't imagine it at 14 yo.

 

:iagree:

[Janie Grace]

Yep. I waitressed in several nice family restaurants throughout high school and college. Restaurants seem to have a culture all their own. Everything I know about depravity and sexual harassment I learned as a waitress. (Sadly, we live in a world where teen girls are pretty much "prey.") :glare: I was too young to handle it at 16 and 17 yo, but better able at 18 and up. I can't imagine it at 14 yo.

 

I had the same experience, and I agree. I wouldn't let a 14yo dd waitress for anything. I think a handful of years makes a big difference in how to handle oneself in that world, even though for me (at 16-20) it was still scary and uncomfortable.

 

Sadly, "popular teen hang-outs" are not like they were in "Happy Days" era!

[Legomom]

I didn't read all of the responses, so this may be a duplicate comment/question. If you are homeschooling them, I think that they should work at different places because they are probably together a lot otherwise. If not, I think it is fine for them to work together but in my opinion 14 does seem young for that sort of job. There is plenty of time to work when she is older, and for me the transportation issue would be a pain.

[foxbridgeacademy]

Didn't read the replies, but my first instinct is

14 is to young to work at a "real job", also as the oldest child I always hated when my sisters "horned" in on my turf. In the end though my mother would never have let me get away with that kind of attitude. Here's a possible solution, tell Oldest she has 1 more year then she has to share. Or they can make sure they rarely work the same shift. Either way you're not showing any favoritism, and it's a comprimise they both could deal with.