Anita in NC Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 how do you respond? Are you expected to send a card or money? Are they sending invites with the expectation of getting cash gifts? I'm totally clueless as to how this is meant to work or the etiquette involved. Can someone clue me in? I got an invite from my SIL for her son. I haven't spoken to or seen her in years. They live 16 hours away so it isn't that they really expect us to go to the graduation ceremony. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 In that case, I would send regrets and a card. Curiously, I've only ever gotten graduation invitations from relatives we aren't close to :glare: So I vote it's probably gift-grubbing. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristinaBreece Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 (edited) I know we just sent out a boat load of announcements for my brother's graduation. We sent them to our entire extended family. (Something like 175-200 announcements.) For the most part, the intent was just to share his accomplishment. Some of them have sent money, and my aunt who lives on the other side of the country is flying in for the graduation. Others have sent a card or called to express congratulations to him. Any acknowledgment was appreciated.... but if you ask the 17 year old boy, he was most impressed by the checks. ;) :lol: ETA: I think my mom's reasoning for this was that she was proud of her boy & wants to brag on him to everyone she knows. Edited May 25, 2011 by KristinaBreece Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 I know we just sent out a boat load of announcements for my brother's graduation. We sent them to our entire extended family. (Something like 175-200 announcements.) For the most part, the intent was just to share his accomplishment. I think announcements are fine for the reason you mention, but an invitation is different...especially when the graduate lives on the other side of the country (or in our case, Hawaii!). Don't you think? Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunD Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Invitations, or announcements? I was only given four tickets to my graduation, and DH only got two for his. We couldn't possibly have sent invitations to random people. I was surprised that a lot of relatives thought my announcements were invitations, asking what hotel was best to stay in and how long it would take them to get there. Assuming it really is an invitation, call (or write) and accept or decline, just like any other invitation. It's certainly polite to send some sort of gift, but what type is up to you. Cash would be fine, but so would gift cards, savings bonds, keepsakes, a frame for his diploma, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 If it's an invitation, then I'd RSVP (yes, I'm attending, or no, I'm not attending). I might or might not send a gift, depending on how well I know them. If it's an announcement, I don't do anything, unless I know them well, and then I'll either send a card or a gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Considering that we didn't send out announcements for dd's graduation because we felt it was asking for a gift, I vote it is asking for a gift. Everyone who matters knows she graduated. Those who don't know it just aren't important enough in our lives to notify.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristinaBreece Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 I think announcements are fine for the reason you mention, but an invitation is different...especially when the graduate lives on the other side of the country (or in our case, Hawaii!). Don't you think? Barb They were announcements of his graduation, but they all included an invite to his party. In our family, though, it's pretty standard for us to receive an invitation to an event, even if the sender knows we won't be able to attend. My cousins all sent invitations to their graduations and weddings in Florida & Arizona... it's one way we keep caught up with each other over the miles, I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 They were announcements of his graduation, but they all included an invite to his party. In our family, though, it's pretty standard for us to receive an invitation to an event, even if the sender knows we won't be able to attend. My cousins all sent invitations to their graduations and weddings in Florida & Arizona... it's one way we keep caught up with each other over the miles, I guess. Maybe it's one of those shopping cart/shoes in the house type of things :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Wouldn't your SIL's son be considered your nephew? Here, if you can't attend, you respond with a card and gift, especially for family. If you are struggling financially, the gift can be handmade but the etiquette is that you send something. We usually receive a large stack of announcements each year. In some ways, it can feel like a shakedown. Some years I toss in $10 bills if it's a friend, $20-30 if its family; other years they get gifts....usually handmade. With so many schools limiting attendance to parents + two guests, it's common to get an announcement with an invitation to an open house held afterwards at the graduate's home or just an announcement if you live out of state and the graduate doesn't want to impose on you by asking you to attend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Huh. I've got the pile of announcements for ds's graduation ready to send out. He's the oldest grandchild, the oldest great-grandchild on my mother's side of the family and on both of dh's parents' sides. We planned on mailing announcements to people who would be excited to learn of his achievement (all the great-aunts who haven't seen him since they stopped traveling, the parents of dh's best friend for the last 30 years) not to be begging for gifts. Jeepers, I hope they won't feel like we've got hands extended into their pockets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 I interpret announcements as someone wanting to share good news (and I either write/call/send a gift/say 'oh, how nice' and do nothing, depending on who the person is and what the news is) and invitations as people wanting me to attend an event (and I RSVP yes or no). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anita in NC Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 Huh. I've got the pile of announcements for ds's graduation ready to send out. He's the oldest grandchild, the oldest great-grandchild on my mother's side of the family and on both of dh's parents' sides. We planned on mailing announcements to people who would be excited to learn of his achievement (all the great-aunts who haven't seen him since they stopped traveling, the parents of dh's best friend for the last 30 years) not to be begging for gifts. Jeepers, I hope they won't feel like we've got hands extended into their pockets. Maybe it depends on how well you know the person. I just thought it was a little weird to get an invite from my SIL since she hasn't spoken to me in years, doesn't call or write (not even a card at Christmas), and has never ever visited in 20 plus years (we have visited them a couple of times many years ago). We are not a close family and our only form of communication is a rare facebook comment. I already congratulated her when she posted on facebook that he will be graduating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Can I just say I always thought those graduation announcements were strange, even when I graduated. I just thought, "Why would anyone want this silly thing?" :tongue_smilie: My parents were dirt poor, too. I couldn't imagine why they were willing to buy them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 I think it's cultural. And the culture in some parts of the country is different than in other parts--sort of "micro-culture!" LOL It is common in our circles both here and every place I've lived (but that's a small sample) to send announcements at graduation. People are generally expected to send a card and a gift, but it's not asking for a gift, it's just the culture. I think it's a nice way to share an accomplishment, and it's nice when folks respond with a card and some cash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 We sent out announcements for DS19's graduation last year - we are a million miles from most of our family so there was no discussion of them attending. The announcement was just that - an announcement of the event and it included a note about his future college plans. Most of the relatives sent congratulations cards to DS after recieving the announement in the mail. A few included $$$ in the card, but it is certainly not required to give a gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Huh. I've got the pile of announcements for ds's graduation ready to send out. He's the oldest grandchild, the oldest great-grandchild on my mother's side of the family and on both of dh's parents' sides. We planned on mailing announcements to people who would be excited to learn of his achievement (all the great-aunts who haven't seen him since they stopped traveling, the parents of dh's best friend for the last 30 years) not to be begging for gifts. Jeepers, I hope they won't feel like we've got hands extended into their pockets. Don't worry, I send them to pretty much everyone in our extended family (and many friends), even if we haven't seen them in decades. Everyone in our family does... and many send each other gifts too. What comes around goes around, we send them gifts (I send something for every announcement received, doesn't matter how long it's been since I've seen them, or if I've ever seen them), they send us gifts if they desire. I hate that people think this is gift grubbing. We share in each others accomplishments, even if we live in all parts of the country and just can't pull off seeing each other as much as we like. And they all get a Christmas card and family photo/letter from us every year too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 how do you respond? Are you expected to send a card or money? Are they sending invites with the expectation of getting cash gifts? I'm totally clueless as to how this is meant to work or the etiquette involved. Can someone clue me in? I got an invite from my SIL for her son. I haven't spoken to or seen her in years. They live 16 hours away so it isn't that they really expect us to go to the graduation ceremony. I wonder this too, as I will be sending announcements in one short year. I don't want people to feel obligated to send money or gifts to my son, but I want to celebrate his accomplishments. When I was growing up, my mom didn't host birthday parties, graduation parties, etc., because she thought she appeared to be, 'begging for money and gifts." I understood that, but I also felt a little like our big days were overlooked because of it. I don't know how to find a balance. I am so proud of the work my older son has done in the past few years that I WILL celebrate him. But I would love to know how to do it in a way that doesn't offend or appear greedy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Where I grew up, it was expected that you send announcements to every. single. person. you knew. It would be slightly offensive to NOT get one. I recently received one from my cousin and I couldn't tell if it was an announcement or an invitation. It would be weird to be invited because they live 10 hours away.....but it did include the date/time, etc. I wouldn't look on it as gift-grubbing, I would look at it as a parent proud of their child and wanting to shout it from the rooftops. If you want to send a gift, great. If not, that's fine too! Just share in their happiness. I think people (in general- not the OP) get way too offended over little things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 I wondered as well, thanks for asking. In this case, I know the parents well, but we are no longer close. We really are too broke for a gift, so would it be crass to just send a card along with a handwritten note of well wishes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weddell Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Where I'm from everyone sends announcements to everyone. They usually have the info for an informal open house with lots of pictures of the graduate and snacks/cake. People aren't necessarily expected to attend or give anything. Often many people's open houses are on the same day and people go from one to another just to say hi and congratulate the graduate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristinaBreece Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 I wondered as well, thanks for asking. In this case, I know the parents well, but we are no longer close. We really are too broke for a gift, so would it be crass to just send a card along with a handwritten note of well wishes? Totally appropriate and, I'm sure, very appreciated. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Typically they want money. Otherwise why would my SIL send me an invitation to my nephew's graduation party in Michigan when I live in Malaysia? :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 I think some people may be mistaking announcements for invitations. Graduation announcements typically include time, date, and location, even though they are not invitations. It's just how they are traditionally done, perhaps because they are intended as keepsakes. If you are actually invited to the graduation, you will most likely receive both the formal announcement and a separate invitation (often an insert) stating "Please join us in celebrating . . . " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paisley Hedgehog Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Huh. I've got the pile of announcements for ds's graduation ready to send out. He's the oldest grandchild, the oldest great-grandchild on my mother's side of the family and on both of dh's parents' sides. We planned on mailing announcements to people who would be excited to learn of his achievement (all the great-aunts who haven't seen him since they stopped traveling, the parents of dh's best friend for the last 30 years) not to be begging for gifts. Jeepers, I hope they won't feel like we've got hands extended into their pockets. First, congrats! Second, you can't help a person's reaction to your announcement. KWIM? You can send the announcements to simply share your joy (which is wonderful and appropriate) but you can't control people reading something into in that is not there. I can't imagine how an invitation to a party or a graduation announcement means that the sender wants money but based upon the reactions in this thread, I guess some people can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 if it's someone I know very well/close I'll send money....but otherwise just a congrats card....I don't get that many.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Where I grew up' date=' it was expected that you send announcements to every. single. person. you knew. [b']It would be slightly offensive to NOT get one.[/b] I recently received one from my cousin and I couldn't tell if it was an announcement or an invitation. It would be weird to be invited because they live 10 hours away.....but it did include the date/time, etc. I wouldn't look on it as gift-grubbing, I would look at it as a parent proud of their child and wanting to shout it from the rooftops. If you want to send a gift, great. If not, that's fine too! Just share in their happiness. I think people (in general- not the OP) get way too offended over little things. :lol: That'll be a thread next week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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