Doing as much as you can and yet still feeling like a failure?

[KidsHappen]

Is anyone else dealing with this? The crazy thing is that this year I have been doing way more than I have for the last few years. My pain is worse and I still don't have control of my sleep cycles and yet I am working on my to-do list everyday. There are the regular things like dishes and laundry and feeding the kids, the cats, the dogs, etc. And then paperwork kinds of things like paying the bills, and handling insurance and managing calendars, etc. And then the running in the car type things like kids activities and shopping and errands and appointments, etc. And then there are major projects like organizing, decluttering, deep cleaning, piles of books to read, half done crafts, etc. And I am working on all of these. The only real time I get to myself is when I insist I need sleep or the few minutes of reading I snatch waiting on something and the few minutes a day I get here. My posting has went way down because I just don't have the time. And yet, every single person in my life is telling me in one way or another that I am just not doing enough, that I am not getting it all done, that I am not there for them, that some aspects of my life need more attention. I feel like I am working at almost full capacity and I don't have anymore to give. Sometimes I think maybe if I just managed my time better I could get it all done but the truth of the matter is that I am not in control of my time or what needs to be done or all the things that needs attention. And finally, I don't think anyone else realizes everything I do or how busy I am even though I tell them and I am not really feeling like anyone appreciates my contributions. It is discouraging and sometimes I just feel like giving up. :nopity:

 

Ok, pity party over. I am going to try and get some sleep and hopefully approach tomorrow with a better attitude.

 

PS - I know I started a lot of sentences with "And" but that is just how my life feels right now - and, and, and . . .

[plain jane]

Wow. Except for the pain part, I was starting to think you were inside my head and writing about my life. :tongue_smilie:

 

I totally hear you. In fact, I keep telling dh if I could just get a good night of sleep... but who am I kidding. I have far too much that needs to be done to take time to sleep. :001_huh:

[Sara in AZ]

Yes, I feel like this too often. I'm working on it. I want my kids to remember me as a happy person. :tongue_smilie:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Yup. I understand and feel the same too.

[Mrs Mungo]

I am right there with you. :grouphug:

[Rosie_0801]

Nearly every day over the past 5 years, yeah.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Rosie

[Negin]

if I could just get a good night of sleep... but who am I kidding. I have far too much that needs to be done to take time to sleep. :001_huh:

Me too.

Very, very frustrating.

I keep begging dh to find a way to clone me like in the movie Multiplicity ;). Several of me all over the place getting everything done. But then each one seemed to get stupider and stupider. :glare:

[RegularMom]

Yep. I feel this way a lot, too. Except for the pain part, that is. I put a high priority on sleep. Seriously. Sleep is so hard to come by for me, but if I get enough of it, I can deal better with everything.

 

Hang in there.

[romeacademy]

Yes, I feel like this too often. I'm working on it. I want my kids to remember me as a happy person.

 

That's the biggest thing for me. And lately, on top of everything else, I'm worried that they won't. :001_huh:

[fairfarmhand]

Yep. I feel this way a lot, too. Except for the pain part, that is. I put a high priority on sleep. Seriously. Sleep is so hard to come by for me, but if I get enough of it, I can deal better with everything.

 

Hang in there.

:iagree:

 

and people who say you are not doing enough....

 

the best you can is enough. If they don't like that, they are just going to have to deal with it and get over it.

[TKDmom]

Yep. Last night, dh and I ate dinner while the kids were outside playing (they didn't notice dinner was ready and I didn't feel like calling them in). I sat there and told him all the ways I felt like I was failing in life. I'm just so stinking tired right now. He pointed out that I gave blood this weekend and that I'm still recovering from it. It was very sweet of him, but giving blood doesn't account for my slacking last week. Or the week before that. :001_huh:

 

Really, If I could sleep through the night, I think I'd turn into SuperMom. This not sleeping thing really kicks my BOOOtocks. (I have a new phrase to keep me laughing, thanks to TexasMama) :lol:

[Jen in PA]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I totally know the feeling.

[prairiegirl]

I am feeling the exact same way (and I am getting sleep nor do I have pain.) I have been feeling very frustrated lately. I am wondering about the time management issue as well but I don't know how to do it any better. As far as the bigger projects, like de-cluttering, etc. well, they just don't get done.

 

I saw Toni Morrison on TV last week and she said that every woman should have something that is their own, something that they can go to everyday and fall into. For her it was writing but she said it could be anything like gardening, photography. I realized that I don't have anything to go to. I don't have time nor the energy to have something of my own. I wonder if I ever will.

[Impish]

Yup. I understand and feel the same too.

:iagree::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[fairfarmhand]

I saw Toni Morrison on TV last week and she said that every woman should have something that is their own, something that they can go to everyday and fall into. For her it was writing but she said it could be anything like gardening, photography. I realized that I don't have anything to go to. I don't have time nor the energy to have something of my own. I wonder if I ever will.

 

 

yes. eventually you will.

My oldest is 13.

MY baby is 3. For the first time, life is pretty predictable.

This is the first summer since homeschooling that I am not pregnant, nursing or have a child in diapers.

 

I am sleeping all night most nights.

So it does get better.

[cat]

I know the feeling!!!!

 

See if there is a chore or two you can delegate.

 

Take a day for yourself and do something you really enjoy.... no cleaning that day! and bed early. Re-energize.

[Dana]

Is anyone else dealing with this? The crazy thing is that this year I have been doing way more than I have for the last few years. My pain is worse and I still don't have control of my sleep cycles and yet I am working on my to-do list everyday. There are the regular things like dishes and laundry and feeding the kids, the cats, the dogs, etc. And then paperwork kinds of things like paying the bills, and handling insurance and managing calendars, etc. And then the running in the car type things like kids activities and shopping and errands and appointments, etc. And then there are major projects like organizing, decluttering, deep cleaning, piles of books to read, half done crafts, etc. And I am working on all of these. The only real time I get to myself is when I insist I need sleep or the few minutes of reading I snatch waiting on something and the few minutes a day I get here. My posting has went way down because I just don't have the time. And yet, every single person in my life is telling me in one way or another that I am just not doing enough, that I am not getting it all done, that I am not there for them, that some aspects of my life need more attention. I feel like I am working at almost full capacity and I don't have anymore to give. Sometimes I think maybe if I just managed my time better I could get it all done but the truth of the matter is that I am not in control of my time or what needs to be done or all the things that needs attention. And finally, I don't think anyone else realizes everything I do or how busy I am even though I tell them and I am not really feeling like anyone appreciates my contributions. It is discouraging and sometimes I just feel like giving up. :nopity:

 

Ok, pity party over. I am going to try and get some sleep and hopefully approach tomorrow with a better attitude.

 

PS - I know I started a lot of sentences with "And" but that is just how my life feels right now - and, and, and . . .

 

First, :grouphug:.

These are rough phases.

And when you're not getting enough sleep, it's dreadful. Toss in pain, and I'd be doing well not to be yelling constantly at people.

 

Second, I don't know your situation, but if you're hearing that you're not doing enough, would it be helpful to hear more specifically from people what they would want you to be doing? (And don't ask the people who aren't on a high priority.) Basically, can you triage your situation for a time? Fully take care of the most important stuff (in my house, that'd be the bills & paperwork and possibly some "me" time so I wasn't constantly yelling). Any projects (unless they were really urgent or part of me time would be dropped). Everyone can do their own laundry and apart from the pets, they should be able to feed themselves. Call it a cereal and fruit week :) And the opinions of people who say things aren't getting done can be used in setting your priorities (although for me, I think it'd likely only be my husband's opinion I'd take into account).

 

:grouphug: Hang in there. And if you are doing your best, you're not a failure. :grouphug:

[Desert Rat]

Yup. I feel that way every day, Kids Happen. I'm sorry you feel that way, too.

I've been telling myself, "Sometimes the most courageous act is saying, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'" And I do. Hang in there.

[mamajudy]

:grouphug: I know exactly what you mean. Can you take a couple of days off of school to regroup? Spend a day delegating chores around the house, and take a day to just do something fun with the kids and enjoy them.

[Ali in OR]

Dh and I were talking about this just last week. I told him I feel like I'm trying to do so much that I'm not doing anything well (and no health or sleep issues here). He hears the same thing at work where they have cut so many people that those who are left are overburdened. They can't concentrate on one or even a few things because they are pulled into crisis after crisis. So if it is any comfort to you, it is a common affliction these days.

[MindyD]

Yep, me too. Just last week I was talking to my dh about this (partly because he was the one to point out some of the things I'm not doing...). I spent a few days feeling sorry for myself, then I decided that what I was really tired of was going through my day being motivated by guilt. My thinking went like this:

"Dishes are in the sink! I need to go clean it up before dh gets home, why can't I keep up with this???"

 

"Books are all over the table! Why can't I keep one table cleared off?"

 

"The kids haven't had a bath all week! What kind of mother doesn't make sure her kids take baths everyday?"

 

"Jane Doe wants me to teach a Sunday school class at church this summer, but I just can't commit to anything else. But shouldn't I be doing something there?"

 

 

I finally told dh that I'm tired of living like that because all of that guilt in and of itself is exhausting! I will get done what I get done, and I'm just not going to let myself feel bad if the extras don't happen. My advice is to do what you can do, then take a nap. Coming from someone who's there right now too.:grouphug:

[fairfarmhand]

Yep, me too. Just last week I was talking to my dh about this (partly because he was the one to point out some of the things I'm not doing...). I spent a few days feeling sorry for myself, then I decided that what I was really tired of was going through my day being motivated by guilt. My thinking went like this:

"Dishes are in the sink! I need to go clean it up before dh gets home, why can't I keep up with this???"

 

"Books are all over the table! Why can't I keep one table cleared off?"

 

"The kids haven't had a bath all week! What kind of mother doesn't make sure her kids take baths everyday?"

 

"Jane Doe wants me to teach a Sunday school class at church this summer, but I just can't commit to anything else. But shouldn't I be doing something there?"

 

 

I finally told dh that I'm tired of living like that because all of that guilt in and of itself is exhausting! I will get done what I get done, and I'm just not going to let myself feel bad if the extras don't happen. My advice is to do what you can do, then take a nap. Coming from someone who's there right now too.:grouphug:

 

yes...I learned this the hard way. All the guilt and expectations sent me into a year long depression.

 

This is good advice.

[JFSinIL]

Do not listen to the folks complaining about what you are NOT doing. Heck, if possible, hand off chores to whomever complains! In fact, start scheduling in more time for YOU! If stuff is important, it will (eventually) get done. If it doesn't - world won't end. Do not compare yourself to anyone else. Come vent here as much as you need to!

[BlessedMom]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[heartosunshine]

:grouphug:

I have long phases where I feel like this. I just try to put one foot in front of the other & know that it's just a phase & someday I'll come out on the other side.

 

I checked a time management book out of the library once because I truly thought the issue might be that I wasn't being efficient enough with my time. The book sat...and sat...and sat...I renewed it...it sat...and sat...and sat...I returned it! Then a couple weeks later, I repeated the cycle. I never had time to read the stinking time management book!!! :glare: How's that for irony?

 

Oh well, it's just a phase.

[Peela]

I remember that feeling but I haven't had it for a while.

 

After the essentials- do you feel guilty for not getting to your crafts? I would drop that.

 

I think it all reflects a pervasive attitude that we are supposed to be productive all the time, as if that is the purpose of life. Even when we are burnt out, exhausted, always busy, don't have enough time to ourselves...we somehow think it's not enough. But who does that to us? Ultimately, only ourselves, and we are the only ones who can stop it. I think when we stop feeling guilty about not being busy all the time, other people stop giving us such a hard time. They are just mirroring back to us our own guilt.

 

Since stopping homeschooling, people ask me what I do. I do have the same 2 half days a week job I had when homeschooling- but other than that, nothing much. It's interesting. I feel it is very unusual when everyone is so busy. I used to be busy- right now I am not busy and it's strange to even say it to people. What do I do? Oh, all the usual household and mothering stuff, but I have plenty of time for other things, and the days fill up, but not with excessive busyness. I am consciously practicing...not being busy- it seems like a luxury (and it is, I realise) but I really wonder if it's a long lost art. Why do we need to be busy and productive all the time? We don't. At least...there is what we need to do, then there is what we pile onto our own shoulders.

 

I say go and have a long hot bath and stop and smell the roses.

[scubamama]

I am in this phase right now.

It's the end of the year and I am ready to tear out my hair b/c I feel like we didn't do enough writing.

My son wants to tear out his hair b/c I am making him write more to make the "school guilt voice" in my head quiet down.

I have the same household issues as the rest of you guys...the never ewnding mess, the kids who just want to play...

When I take a day to just have a free, fun day I find the next few days are TORTURE to get kids back on track.

I mean like real TORTURE -that even tough Navy SEALS would cry "Uncle" after having to live with it.

Sigh.

 

I guess we just keep on going.

 

It doesn't help that my nice neighbor keeps inviting us to all the end of the year school functions to make me feel less productive: Science fair, Book Fair, Culture Day, etc, etc...All I have is Pile of Curriculum I Didin't Use Fair :glare:

[Mommyfaithe]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am so burnt out right. Iw, I can't delegate because I can't figure out what needs to be done. Dh keeps asking for a list....ummmmmmm....my brain can not do a list right now. My kids want lists.....ummmmm...sorry....no can do. I am on auto pilot...cook, clean, lessons....cook, clean...lessons....wash...rinse...repeat.....

 

I am in robot mode and I hate it.

:grouphug::grouphug:

Wish I had advice, But I will read the advice you got....then, I will cook, clean....do some lessons.........

 

Faithe........zzzzzzzzzzzz........

[Swirl]

And then paperwork kinds of things like paying the bills, and handling insurance...

 

Have you ever considered asking your DH to handle this? This was my job for most of our married life, but when we moved 6 years ago I asked DH to please take it over. This really took a big load off of me, and it made a real difference. (I'm kind of a control freak, so this was hard at first. :D)

[fairfarmhand]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am so burnt out right. Iw, I can't delegate because I can't figure out what needs to be done. Dh keeps asking for a list....ummmmmmm....my brain can not do a list right now. My kids want lists.....ummmmm...sorry....no can do. I am on auto pilot...cook, clean, lessons....cook, clean...lessons....wash...rinse...repeat.....

 

 

 

tell me about it...

 

look around people....if it is dirty clean it! not that complicated.

[leeannpal]

Wow. Except for the pain part, I was starting to think you were inside my head and writing about my life. :tongue_smilie:

 

I totally hear you. In fact, I keep telling dh if I could just get a good night of sleep... but who am I kidding. I have far too much that needs to be done to take time to sleep. :001_huh:

 

Me too, but add the pain back in for me.

 

OP, do you have fibromyalgia? that's what I have.

[KidsHappen]

Me too, but add the pain back in for me.

 

OP, do you have fibromyalgia? that's what I have.

 

Yes. It pervades my life. My hubby has said that he would be willing to read a book about it so that he can better understand what I am going through but I haven't found a good one for someone who isn't dealing with it themselves but has someone in their life who is. Any suggestions?

[KidsHappen]

Have you ever considered asking your DH to handle this? This was my job for most of our married life, but when we moved 6 years ago I asked DH to please take it over. This really took a big load off of me, and it made a real difference. (I'm kind of a control freak, so this was hard at first. :D)

 

My hubby is gone five days a week. We have seperate checking accts. He manages the debts (mortgage, student loans, car payments, business cc accts., etc.), I handle the household account (untilities, gas, groceries, kids money needs, etc.). If I didn't handle the household acct., I would have any idea how much money I have or how much I could spend. This is not one of the jobs I mind doing, it is just that it takes time from things that other people wish or think I should be doing. Thanks for the suggestion though.

[Guest Signe]

Hi there. I'm new to the forum, and it is such a coincidence that I saw your post first. I have chronic pain from rheumatoid arthritis and also chronic fatigue. I used to work as an attorney at a large firm, but now am at home. I homeschool our 13-year old son who has severe AD/HD. We also have a 7-year old with AS who is in school. I CONSTANTLY feel like I'm letting people down and not getting enough done. I just have to keep telling myself to do my best - that's all I can do. You won't believe this - I just got a call now from my 7-year old's school. I have to go pick him up because he is having troubles staying in control in the classroom! And I have a medical appointment for an IV drug infusion in 40 minutes.

 

I just possibly shared way too much information, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone. Plus there are practically no resources out there for parents with disabilities raising kids with special needs, or trying to homeschool their kids.

[herbalgirl]

yes. eventually you will.

My oldest is 13.

MY baby is 3. For the first time, life is pretty predictable.

This is the first summer since homeschooling that I am not pregnant, nursing or have a child in diapers.

 

I am sleeping all night most nights.

So it does get better.

 

Thank you for this. I feel the exact way all of you feel right now, but was thinking *maybe* when I get sleep and *maybe* when I don't have kiddos in diapers and I am not pregnant, then *maybe* life will sort of get normalized and I will feel more human again.

 

You've given me some hope! :)