How do you lovingly and gently deal w/a young child who's on the wrong end of a snit?

[melissel]

DD5 is my strong-willed kid, and though we've made some strides in learning how to deal with it, sometimes I'm still at a loss. Right now she's weeping in the garage because her sister refused to give her a sheet out of a drawing pad she has. The paper in the pad is of mediocre quality, we have plenty of high-quality blank paper of all sizes, and yet DD5 is weeping piteously because she cannot have this single piece of paper because her sister is in possession of it.

 

I comforted, I consoled, I pointed out that asking someone to share does not mean they will share or even that they have to, I pointed out all the quality paper in the house, I said I was sorry she was sad, I held her on my lap for a few minutes. Rather than calming down, she just escalated and began to cling to me, even though I needed to get up to help get HER GS cookies sorted and wrapped. Finally I basically told her that she if she was still upset she needed to take it to her room. She clung to me and followed me downstairs (where I went to examine the ingredients in the breakfast she'd eaten--no red 40 in sight). I told her to come up and she refused, so now she's shut herself in the garage, watching a star projector.

 

Someone on this board once pointed out that we shouldn't tell these highly emotional kids that they're overreacting or their feelings are out of line, because they feel dismissed and don't understand how what they feel is unreasonable. That makes sense to me. But where's the line between encouraging inappropriate emotions and dismissing them out of hand? DD5 is the type that will cry and escalate as long as attention is paid to her, but I also don't want her to feel abandoned because her emotions are so big.

 

In short (ha!), how do you handle this sort of thing while being loving and gentle but also getting the "this is an inappropriate level of grief over a piece of paper" message across?

 

TIA!

[Forget-Me-Not]

Well, first off, if big sister has an entire pad of said paper, what is the harm in pulling a single sheet out and handing it over?

 

I think you have to just disengage. Any attempts at trying to talk her out of it or talk her down simply escalate. "There's drawing paper you can use in the cupboard. If you don't want to use that, you'll have to find something else to do" and walk away.

 

Someone on this board once pointed out that we shouldn't tell these highly emotional kids that they're overreacting or their feelings are out of line, because they feel dismissed and don't understand how what they feel is unreasonable. That makes sense to me. But where's the line between encouraging inappropriate emotions and dismissing them out of hand? DD5 is the type that will cry and escalate as long as attention is paid to her, but I also don't want her to feel abandoned because her emotions are so big.

 

 

To an extent I agree with this, when the issue is larger. But feeling abandoned over paper? I don't think so. I think disengagement was the right course of action in the case. At some point she'll make the connection that she doesn't always get everything she wants, and yet the world keeps turning :D

[ChristusG]

I have no idea, but I just wanted to sympathize. My DD6 is just like this. Very BIG emotions. With her, everything is dramatic.

 

But I disagree with the poster who said to make the sister share the paper. If the notebook is the sisters, then I don't believe she should be forced to share. She should be talked to and encouraged to share....and I talk to her about the Golden Rule, how Jesus would want us to share, etc, but I don't make them share their personal belongings.

[Night Elf]

Is it the fact that the pad belongs to the sister? Does the other paper, the quality stuff, belong to everyone? What's wrong with giving the 5 year old her very own drawing pad? Or does she own one but she still wants what belongs to her sister?

[TJinLOCA]

My middle daughter was very much like this. I found that ignoring her was the best approach. I was afraid that paying too much attention to her would just reward the behavior ... but at the same time, I didn't want to be harsh or punish her when she was obviously so upset. Benign neglect turned out to be the right approach for us.

 

FWIW, mine is now 17 and she's still absurdly over-emotional. I often have to walk away and leave her to her histrionics. I hope yours grows out of it! :)

[fairfarmhand]

My middle daughter was very much like this. I found that ignoring her was the best approach. I was afraid that paying too much attention to her would just reward the behavior ... but at the same time, I didn't want to be harsh or punish her when she was obviously so upset. Benign neglect turned out to be the right approach for us.

 

FWIW, mine is now 17 and she's still absurdly over-emotional. I often have to walk away and leave her to her histrionics. I hope yours grows out of it! :)

:iagree:

 

this is my dd....

[melissel]

Thanks everyone. WRT the pad of paper, the pad is DD8's, and DD5 has one too, but she left it at her grandmother's house (where we'll be later today, in fact). In addition, DD5 has owned a million pads of paper of all kinds and sizes (she loves them so much she receives them as gifts), and she scribbles and tears through them at a rapid pace, whereas DD8 is an artist and uses her pads of paper accordingly. DD5 is definitely not at a loss for paper, and when I suggested it, she refused to go look for any of her own. She just wanted a page from the pad DD8 had.

 

I also don't make them share unless I truly believe it's warranted. In this case, if it was the last paper in the house or we were out somewhere where other paper wasn't handy, I definitely would have made DD8 give her a piece. In this case, it was just a mini-tantrum over possession.

[Ellie]

You say that she is strong-willed. Seems to me she's using her emotions to control situations as part of being strong-willed.

 

Children need to learn that although their feelings are important that they cannot inflict their feelings on everyone else.

 

After you told your dd to take it to her room, IMHO it would have been better for you to follow through by *requiring* her to go to her room and weep there. Personally, *I* would not have spent so much time consoling her because she didn't get her way. Even if there had been other things going on and the paper kerfluffle was the final straw, she still, even at the tender age of 5, needs to begin to understand that she cannot act that way.

[Parrothead]

I think one can acknowledge the feelings of the child, empathize with him/her, then move on.

 

By doing so one is showing that the feelings exist and are valid, while at the same time showing that feelings cannot rule the day.

[2_girls_mommy]

I have an 8.5 yr old like this. I have no problem telling her she will stop crying now, take it to her room, or she will lose a priviledge. Otherwise she will follow us around crying and arguing too. I can't change who she is, but I let her know that it is not acceptable behaviour.

[Tap]

If being alone helps her to calm down, leave her alone. If being in the room or trying to cajole her is making it worse....leave her alone!

 

She is finding her coping strategy. She is making progress finding something else to do. Maybe she is still weeping, but as long as she is working through it, let her.

 

 

Once it is all over, maybe in a day or two. Talk about big emotions vs little emotions. BIg reactions vs small reactions. Talk about the incident and whether it was a big issue (maybe it was to her) and if her reaction was appropriate sized. Work together to identify some small problems and big problems. (small problem:wanting a piece of paper, not getting it, but other paper is available) (big problem: someone just broke my favorite toy). Talk about appropriate reactions to both. Maybe getting away to the garage for some alone time is the best thing for her. Maybe talking about emotions makes her uncomfortable (lots of words she doesn't understand-feelings she doesn't like) and that is not what she needs in the moment.

 

Have her help you assign some 'approved' small reactions for small problems. Small reactions may be....getting a hug, quiet time under a big blanket with a toy, jumping up and down 10 times, getting a book and reading, pushing against a wall, squishing an approved toy (stress balls etc), throwing a koosh ball or suction cup ball against the wall..... Then, when she has a issue, remind her of the 'approved' reactions. I AM NOT saying that these are the only reactions that she can have, but they may give her ideas that help her calm down and will not get her into trouble. I like to put the toy items in a box, so I can pull it out when I need it. I also like to draw pictures of the approved reactions so dd4 can pick a picture instead of using words when she is having a hard time. Stick figures, getting hugs, pushing walls, etc. They are not fancy LOL.....but she understands what they are because she helped to decide what was appropriate and we drew the pictures together.

[melissel]

Thanks Tap, that's really good, really specific help!

 

If being alone helps her to calm down, leave her alone. If being in the room or trying to cajole her is making it worse....leave her alone!

 

Being alone does help her to calm down, but what do I do when she refuses to go be alone? She was literally clinging desperately to me, refusing to let me stand up until I said I'd go look at the ingredients in her breakfast toast. Then she let me walk away but followed closely, and when I was done looking, she tried to reattach to me instead of letting me pass.

 

Ellie said to force her into her room, and we've had to do that when her rages were very bad (we recently identified food dye as the cause--what an eye-opener!). But I generally save that for anger/rage, not what looks like despair. Had I tried to force her into her room, we would have gone up to a whole new level of conflict. Though I admit picking her up in a fireman's carry and dropping her onto her bed was so very tempting!

 

I guess I can't figure out when it's appropriate to push your clinging, crying child off you because you can't take another second of the hysteria over something ridiculous. It just feels so wrong! But it also feels wrong to keep humoring an unwarranted tantrum. Ugh :(

 

ETA: She came out of the garage chipper and happy, looking for her sister to show her the stars. I'll definitely discuss the "big problem, small problem" thing with her. Thanks.

Edited April 7, 2011 by melissel

[coralloyd]

You sent her to her room, why was she in the garage? I would have never held and consoled my child over this issue. I would have told my dd it is not her paper she is welcome to go get some different paper. If she threw a fit I would tell her to knock it off or she would be spending time in her room. If she didn't stop I would have told her to head to her room. If she did not head to her room I would have picked her up and put her there. Imho there was WAY too much attention given in this situation. Again jmho.

[Tap]

Thanks Tap, that's really good, really specific help!

 

 

 

Being alone does help her to calm down, but what do I do when she refuses to go be alone? She was literally clinging desperately to me, refusing to let me stand up until I said I'd go look at the ingredients in her breakfast toast. Then she let me walk away but followed closely, and when I was done looking, she tried to reattach to me instead of letting me pass.

 

Ellie said to force her into her room, and we've had to do that when her rages were very bad (we recently identified food dye as the cause--what an eye-opener!). But I generally save that for anger/rage, not what looks like despair. Had I tried to force her into her room, we would have gone up to a whole new level of conflict.

 

I guess I can't figure out when it's appropriate to push your clinging, crying child off you because you can't take another second of the hysteria over something ridiculous. It just feels so wrong! But it also feels wrong to keep humoring an unwarranted tantrum. Ugh :(

 

This where the other strategies come into play. If being alone isn't working, use a different strategy.

 

For dh, being sent to her room, works for him. She will straighten right up. For me, being the squishy lovey mom, this doesn't work. She will try to keep pushing buttons, and escalating if she is in her room.

 

IF I know she is overtired, sending her to her room works. If it is frustration over something, it doesn't work for me. Going to her room, is an option for her.

 

There are times though, when I have exhausted all the other options, and then I will take her to her room, remove and immediate projectiles (she is a thrower) and let her have at hitting/kicking her bed. She is not allowed to kick the walls (dd4 is almost 60 pounds of muscle-she could put her foot through them). She will get swats for that, she knows and she will keep it to lashing out against her bed.

[Murmer]

So mine is on 3.5 but I have found that if I say something along the lines of "I hear you you want xyz I am sorry that you cannot have/do xyz. When you calm down you can abc or def but xyz is no longer an option." This is recognizing my child's feeling and let her know I understand but that is not an option. Then I give the choices when she calms down such as helping her find her own pad of paper or letting her do something else. There is usually still more crying ect but then I walk away and ignore until she is calm.

[Margo out of lurking]

I would guess she's more upset at the thought that her big sister refuses to share with her than she is about not getting the paper.

 

While I don't believe in "forcing" my kids to share, I would be very concerned about the thought process behind, and the selfishness displayed by, my older child is displaying in not giving a single piece (or two or three) of paper to a younger sibling. What's up with that??

 

We have a lot of threads here asking how to better relationships between siblings. If my child can't show grace to a sibling (and a younger one on top of it), I would not trust that child to be kind to anyone else, and her social life would be extremely limited.

[Entropymama]

I have a 9 year old and a 5 year old who do this sometimes, too.

 

You say that she is strong-willed. Seems to me she's using her emotions to control situations as part of being strong-willed.

 

This is really good perspective. I hadn't thought about it that way before.

 

You sent her to her room, why was she in the garage? I would have never held and consoled my child over this issue. I would have told my dd it is not her paper she is welcome to go get some different paper. If she threw a fit I would tell her to knock it off or she would be spending time in her room. If she didn't stop I would have told her to head to her room. If she did not head to her room I would have picked her up and put her there. Imho there was WAY too much attention given in this situation. Again jmho.

 

I can't really agree with this, maybe because I remember being over-upset as a child about small things (losing a balloon, for example). I was truly heart-broken, and being told to 'get over it' hurt. As I got older and gained perspective I realized those things weren't the end of the world.

 

I would guess she's more upset at the thought that her big sister refuses to share with her than she is about not getting the paper.

 

While I don't believe in "forcing" my kids to share, I would be very concerned about the thought process behind, and the selfishness displayed by, my older child is displaying in not giving a single piece (or two or three) of paper to a younger sibling. What's up with that??

 

We have a lot of threads here asking how to better relationships between siblings. If my child can't show grace to a sibling (and a younger one on top of it), I would not trust that child to be kind to anyone else, and her social life would be extremely limited.

 

We have 5 kids. The older ones almost always share their things with the younger ones without complaint. But they do have certain things that are theirs alone. It sounds like the PP's older daughter is an artist and this paper is important to her. I allow my kids to select a few things they don't want to share, and I defend their right to 'own' them. Other things are community property. We do encourage sharing and praise them up the wazoo when they do, but we don't require it.

 

One thing that has worked for us: in our house throwing fits isn't allowed. So the behavior (beyond initial disappointment) would fall into the category of fit throwing. This way it isn't the emotion being disciplined, it's the behavior. You're allowed to feel defected and sad; you're not allowed to sob and scream and throw yourself on the floor.

 

We came up with code words for the older kids. When they start to act inappropriately I say the code word and that's their cue to change their behavior. If they can't change on their own I'll do it for them, by time-outs or whatever other discipline I deem necessary. The code words work well because I can catch the fit before it escalates too much.

 

HTH and :grouphug:

[LBS]

or who possesses it, I would suggest. It is about the attention of the people (mom and sister) and the possible control of other people, a very natural thing for a five year old to work on. Say and do the right things, imho, holding/comforting/sympathizing for several moments, then go do what you needed to do. Leave her, rather than force her to march to a room in punishment. Just leaving is the negative. Give her time to process that it didn't work. She'll get it, maybe the 5th time, maybe the 5,000th time.

 

I think your response needs to be appropriate to the feeling she is experiencing, not your judgement of the seriousness of the tragedy. Relate her strength of feeling to her age.....i.e. a crying, misery jag over a no-share situation at 8 years old, gets shorter shrift than this one at 5 years old.

 

Just my two cents worth.

[ksoika]

Being alone does help her to calm down, but what do I do when she refuses to go be alone? She was literally clinging desperately to me, refusing to let me stand up until I said I'd go look at the ingredients in her breakfast toast.

 

I have a five year old who has very big feelings about things. I think she works herself into a tizzy & doesn't have the maturity to pull herself out yet. I try to work with her on taking deep breaths, standing with her feet firmly on the floor, scrunching her shoulders up and letting them go, etc. It really helps short-circuit the crying/flailing/clinging.

 

I don't want to minimize her feelings but I love having a way to help her move past them more quickly.

 

-K

[Rosy]

Around here it would go something like this:

 

Kid: "Mo-om, Bigsister won't give me a piece of her paper!!!"

Mom: "Well, we have other paper in the house, in the printer tray or on the coloring book shelf."

Kid: "I don't want that paper, I want Bigsisters!!"

Mom: "That belongs to Bigsister, she gets to choose what she does with it."

Kid: "But I really really WANT IT!!"

Mom: "That isn't an option for you right now. Would you like to calm down here, or would you like to go to your room until you're calm?"

 

At that point if she kept it up it would be, "I guess you've chosen to calm down in your room. Would you like to walk there yourself or should I carry you?"

 

At that point if she didn't go on her own, I would pick her up and carry her, and then hold the door to her room closed (if necessary) until she calmed down. In our house, I'd probably also have to have a talk with Bigsister to make sure she didn't change her mind about sharing the paper.

 

Having strong emotions is fine. Using them to disrespect or control others is not fine.

 

I guess I can't figure out when it's appropriate to push your clinging, crying child off you because you can't take another second of the hysteria over something ridiculous. It just feels so wrong! But it also feels wrong to keep humoring an unwarranted tantrum. Ugh :(

Don't discipline her because you can't take it anymore, discipline her because she is displaying an attitude that needs correction. You are preparing her for adulthood--an adult who can't take no for an answer will not be successful in any relationship.

 

I comforted, I consoled, I pointed out that asking someone to share does not mean they will share or even that they have to, I pointed out all the quality paper in the house, I said I was sorry she was sad, I held her on my lap for a few minutes. Rather than calming down, she just escalated and began to cling to me, even though I needed to get up to help get HER GS cookies sorted and wrapped. Finally I basically told her that she if she was still upset she needed to take it to her room. She clung to me and followed me downstairs (where I went to examine the ingredients in the breakfast she'd eaten--no red 40 in sight).

This tells me that she is manipulating you. Staying calm and consistent will do her a world of good. My son is my strong-willed, emotional one. I can't back down with him even over something seemingly small. He has to know that I mean what I say and that I expect him to do what I tell him, and that there will be consequences if he doesn't.

[Mary in VA]

While I don't believe in "forcing" my kids to share, I would be very concerned about the thought process behind, and the selfishness displayed by, my older child is displaying in not giving a single piece (or two or three) of paper to a younger sibling. What's up with that??

 

 

 

I would respectfully disagree here. The OP said she has plenty of her own pads of paper, plus other loose high quality paper available to her. She plows through paper at a rapid rate, while bigger sister is an artist and uses hers more sparingly. Why should little sister be able to demand paper and get it when she already has her own? If there was a limited supply, then yes, bigger sister should be encouraged to share. But who is being selfish if one with plenty of her own is demanding more from another?

 

Mary

[kamom]

You sent her to her room, why was she in the garage? I would have never held and consoled my child over this issue. I would have told my dd it is not her paper she is welcome to go get some different paper. If she threw a fit I would tell her to knock it off or she would be spending time in her room. If she didn't stop I would have told her to head to her room. If she did not head to her room I would have picked her up and put her there. Imho there was WAY too much attention given in this situation. Again jmho.

 

:iagree:

[Rivka]

I think one can acknowledge the feelings of the child, empathize with him/her, then move on.

 

By doing so one is showing that the feelings exist and are valid, while at the same time showing that feelings cannot rule the day.

 

:iagree: Depending on the nature of the upset, I might "move on" by asking her to leave the room until she finishes crying.

 

My own drama queen has started getting outraged if I say anything calm or cheerful when she's throwing a fit. "MOM! You're acting like I'm NOT EVEN UPSET!!!" Yep. I sure am.

[Joanne]

I comforted, I consoled, I pointed out that asking someone to share does not mean they will share or even that they have to, I pointed out all the quality paper in the house, I said I was sorry she was sad, I held her on my lap for a few minutes. Rather than calming down, she just escalated and began to cling to me, even though I needed to get up to help get HER GS cookies sorted and wrapped. Finally I basically told her that she if she was still upset she needed to take it to her room. She clung to me and followed me downstairs (where I went to examine the ingredients in the breakfast she'd eaten--no red 40 in sight). I told her to come up and she refused, so now she's shut herself in the garage, watching a star projector.

 

Someone on this board once pointed out that we shouldn't tell these highly emotional kids that they're overreacting or their feelings are out of line, because they feel dismissed and don't understand how what they feel is unreasonable. That makes sense to me. But where's the line between encouraging inappropriate emotions and dismissing them out of hand? DD5 is the type that will cry and escalate as long as attention is paid to her, but I also don't want her to feel abandoned because her emotions are so big.

 

In short (ha!), how do you handle this sort of thing while being loving and gentle but also getting the "this is an inappropriate level of grief over a piece of paper" message across?

 

TIA!

 

I actually disagree with this approach for some personalities. I do not want to have a home in which happy is the only acceptable emotion. I am an advocate for teaching/coaching kids about a healthy range of emotion - types and intensity.

 

However, I've discovered that some kids need social/emotional coaching in terms of scale. I never thought (when I was first studying parenting) I would say this, but I believe that some kids need to be told "knock it off". Sometimes that blatantly. ;)

 

For drama-immersed personalities, I would not tell them about the better paper, etc, with the hope of cheering them up or helping them see things differently. Instead, for this personality type, I'd tell them they are being selfish and manipulative.

 

I'd tell them "This situation is a 2 on a scale of 1-10. You are acting like it is a 7. This is not acceptable. Here is what a 2 reaction looks like." And I'd show them a 2. If said child could not contain their expression to a 2, they have chosen to be alone.

 

Again, I don't think every child needs this level of being told how to feel. I just don't believe (anymore) that none of them do. ;)

 

Here is a link to my very old, status site that is related.

[coralloyd]

I wanted to add I would not "force" her to stay in her room. I would simply pick her up and put her back, no eye contact, no talking to her. Just pick her up and put her back. A 100 times if need be.

[Natalieclare]

I've got lots of dramatic children. Sometimes I simply don't have the time/bandwidth/emotional energy to lead a child all the way out of a snit. And for some of my kids, the more I interfere with their "get-over-it" process, the longer it seems to take.

 

So, I will have kids go to their rooms, not because I don't want to take time to understand, not necessarily to punish, but to Gain Composure. I've talked with the kids about not making others miserable just because one feels miserable. When the first round of hugs and how-can-we-solve-this-problem doesn't bear fruit, I say, "It's time for you to go in your room and gain your composure. We can talk when you're able to speak without screaming/wailing/whatever. I can't wait to work this through with you! See you soon!"

 

I don't know if that is helpful to you, but it really helps in my big family where I have had on occasion 4 volcanoes erupting at once!

 

Tangientially related (because most snits involve siblings), when the children come to me to express their grievances with another, I stop them. I first require them to tell me how they wronged before they are allowed to tell me what someone else did wrong. That has been known to provide proper perspective and halt a snit pretty good. :D

[homeschoolally]

I'd tell them "This situation is a 2 on a scale of 1-10. You are acting like it is a 7. This is not acceptable. Here is what a 2 reaction looks like." And I'd show them a 2. If said child could not contain their expression to a 2, they have chosen to be alone.

 

 

 

I can't wait to give this a try with my strong-willed kiddo!!!!! I'm typically the 'knock it off' type but need something else to help him see the correct response for next time---this is a great idea!

 

Thanks for posting.

[ereks mom]

"MOM! You're acting like I'm NOT EVEN UPSET!!!" Yep. I sure am.

 

:lol: This is great!

[Dawn in OH]

Tell her to suck it up, stop blabbering, and either use the other paper or don't draw!

 

 

Ok, I'm kidding. That's just the kind of thing that goes through my head when these situations occur in our house. I swear I don't actually respond out loud like that. I count to 100 and then try to be sensitive.

 

Maybe I should have typed and deleted.

[nd293]

In short (ha!), how do you handle this sort of thing while being loving and gentle but also getting the "this is an inappropriate level of grief over a piece of paper" message across?

 

 

I work through the sympathetic approaches. Then I say: "OK. Enough now. I am counting to 10, and then we are through with this." I count. By 8 the wails have gone from despair to drama. At 10 we are through, or we move on to some or other consequence.

 

But then, I believe overreacting is overreacting, "highly emotional child" or not. So I give ds some leeway with his more dramatic nature, but I still expect him to meet societal and family norms...

 

Tell her to suck it up, stop blabbering, and either use the other paper or don't draw!

 

 

Ok, I'm kidding. That's just the kind of thing that goes through my head when these situations occur in our house. I swear I don't actually respond out loud like that. I count to 100 and then try to be sensitive.

 

Maybe I should have typed and deleted.

 

And sometimes, yes, I truly do say exactly what you joke about.

Edited April 8, 2011 by nd293

[OrganicAnn]

My DD can be dramatic about things. When it is something that really is something that she should not be crying over, then I'll start crying with her. I'll start out simple and just escalate to something completely silly.

 

"Oh why, oh why did you lose your favorite scrape a paper. It is just not fair. I can believe it happened to you. Oh no. no. no. Now I've lost my erassssser. And it was red and rect, rect, rectangular. nooooo." She will usually stop crying and begin laughing.

 

Now on things that are more serious or real issues, then I will give her some space and tell her to take deep breathes.

[Crimson Wife]

It's been my personal observation that "Meltdown Minervas" and "Meltdown Marvins" tend to do it mostly for attention and often as an attempt to manipulate. They will learn to suck it up and just deal with life's little disappointments if the drama is not rewarded.

[Peela]

I have one like this- he is 15 now and is actually much better. He changed about age 15 I think :)

 

The thing is, you usually can't reason with a kid like that, especially that young, so after trying *very* briefly to rationalise with him, I would stop that strategy, try the hugging and connecting strategy, and if that didn't work- particularly if it made it worse- then I would disengage so as not to feed the monster. I would extricate myself, and go and do something like make a cup of tea :) Thats pretty much how I still handle it.

 

However i am learning a new strategy- which I have also used for years at times but am now more consciously doing so- and that is just listening without trying to reason and rationalise. Just listen and maybe reflect back (called active listening). Sometimes, they just need to be heard, even if they don't make sense.

 

But thats not the right thing for every situation- many times I am just irritated and don't have the patience to do that anyway. But if its a strong issue, I might, and it can be effective, particularly if you "tune out" a lot.

 

Honestly, ds15 could not play board games with the rest of the family until- well now- because he would get so emotional. And there was nothing we could do. So he would leave in a tantrum and we would just continue without him. There is only so much you can do.

[Dawn in OH]

And sometimes, yes, I truly do say exactly what you joke about.

 

 

Well, sometimes I do too. But I didn't want to look like the "bad Mommy". Usually after having to diffuse 50 meltdowns for the day I am unable to be the sympathetic Mommy. I'm better with staying understanding with the younger children. With the older ones, I just want to yell, "Get over it!"