Women's Ministry Mother-Daughter Brunches--what's your take?

[Harriet Vane]

Hi folks,

 

If your church were to offer the opportunity for a mother-daughter brunch, is that something you would enjoy? The event in question included a meal, door prizes, and a speaker, and was scheduled to last for three hours on a Saturday afternoon.

 

There's been an interesting discussion in my circle about this. This event was offered by my church, and there was some disappointment as the event was attended by far more ladies of one ethnicity than of another (ours is a multi-racial church). It has been suggested that events like this are more of a tradition in one ethnicity than the other. I am curious to know what the greater public thinks.

 

In your reply, would you also mind sharing your denomination and your race? I am genuinely curious to think through whether our attendance demographics were random chance or a reflection of different cultural traditions.

 

Thanks!

[Amy in Orlando]

I'm white and Catholic. I don't think an regular event like this would be well-attended at our church simply because it's on a Saturday. I spend my Saturdays shuttling various kids around to different activities and running errands. On a Sunday, I can see me and my mom attending regularly - and my daugher as well - if I had a daughter.

[OnTheBrink]

Our church has, at times, done a mother/daughter brunch. And, everyone who attends is white. That's probably because 99.9% of our church is white and the only black people there are men. So, I don't think they'd attend a M/D brunch anyway.

 

My church is a fundamental, non-denom Bible church.

[*anj*]

Strider,

Feel free to be specific.

Are you asking whether or not those kinds of brunches are more popular in majority black churches? I don't really know the answer.

 

The only brunch like that that I've ever attended was at a Lutheran church, the congregation of which was about 90% Norwegian. So they were all white.

Except me.

[Carol in Cal.]

I have never been to such an event. My Mom did not participate in women's organizations in our church, so if they had had something like this when I was young, I would not even have heard about it.

 

Our church is Lutheran and mostly white. We have a few Asian and African Americans, who are very assimilated. (This is so strange for me. The church in which I grew up was very mixed. It is hard to find that where I live, though. I have not gotten used to this, after all these years.)

 

We have never had an event like this. We tend to have very inclusive events--bring your whole family things, or adults only things. We don't really single out any particular demographic group for most of our activities, and when we plan things, we worry endlessly about making every single demographic comfortable, welcome, and happy.

 

We also do not have a tradition of encouraging women to be ladylike or feminine, particularly, although we do have two women's groups at our church. We don't have preaching or teaching very often about roles of men or women. So something like this, a really girly girl type thing, would be quite extraordinary for us, and we probably would end up figuring out some way to make it not so much a tea as a potluck. That is the way these things tend to go. The only teas I have ever been to with church people have been baby showers.

 

If we did have such an event, I am not sure whether I would go. I probably would have a nice time, but my DD would not want to dress up that much just to go eat, and she would not care for it if she could not play freely because of her clothes but still had to spend Saturday on this. So she probably wouldn't enjoy it too much. She does dress up for church, and sometimes for a restaurant, but that is different. And if she didn't want to go, and it was not a treat for both of us, I probably would not make her do it.

[5kidsforME]

Well I have no daughters. I am white and go to a non-denom church. If it is was just for women I would go or even women with or without daughters. If I had a dd I would go. I think I covered it all....

[Alenee]

It's primarily a "white" thing. I'm white, I have three dd's. Usually girls over 8yo are invited, not younger. I don't like them because they are rarely a real ministry to anyone and a big waste of time and money. Here's why: The speaker is usually speaking at an upper teen/adult level so girls younger find it boring. If your main idea is fellowship, great, that works, but on a level of reality, unless you allow the women to sit with whom they'd like and not be interrupted by speakers, announcements, etc. it's really pointless. If it was a mother's tea only, GREAT! AWESOME! But I truly have failed to see the point in Mother/DD teas.

 

Wow! That sure sounded negative but not meant to be. Just being totally honest here.

[Ellie]

Hi folks,

 

If your church were to offer the opportunity for a mother-daughter brunch, is that something you would enjoy? The event in question included a meal, door prizes, and a speaker, and was scheduled to last for three hours on a Saturday afternoon.

 

Three hours? Three hours??? OH, my. Anything over an hour would be deadly, regardless of anyone's ethnicity. Really.

[ncmomo3]

We are dealing with this very thing at our church right now. There is a m/d luncheon planned and VERY few have signed up. Our church has about 500, and about 10-total have signed up.

I don't really know everyone's reason for not attending, but some of the comments have been: what about our sons -don't they count? And they also put an age minimum for attendance like a previous poster stated, which isn't going over well with some of the moms with younger ones who really like that sort of thing. I won't be attending because I have lunch with my dd's once a week just as part of our normal routine and spending a couple of hours on a Sat. morning is... well.. just not for us.

[Jean in Wisc]

We use to have Mother-Daughter Banquets, but we changed them to the Mother-Daughter-Sister-Friend Banquet to include more women. We usually have 80 or more attend, and our church rarely has more than 30 at worship on Sunday! This has been a very long-standing tradition in our community.

 

My church's background is Norwegian, and we general consist of northern European heritage.

 

J

[Sarah in FL]

Don't know about race, but 3 hours on a Saturday afternoon would be difficult for many people, especially in the month of May. However, I have been to several very nice M/D events. I believe they were dinners held on a Thursday evening. FWIW, I am white.

[Chris in VA]

I would be thrilled if my church (Episco) offered something like this. I would love it to be a time when my daughter could hear from a Godly woman, perhaps even have a workshop or something for her to attend--maybe on modesty or "falling in love with Jesus." I really want my daughter to see living models of women who take their faith simply and seriously. And, to spend time welcoming her and others into the fellowship of other women? Yippee! I'd love it.

 

I was just having a fun chat with 4 other moms while we were waiting for our littles to finish with choir practice. Some of us were on the floor, some on chairs, and all of us were talking a mile a minute and laughing it up. One of the moms had a pre-teen daughter (about 11 yo old?) who came in for a few minutes. She actually raised her hand to make a comment (not homeschooled...:D). We all laughed a little and I said "Just jump on in, honey--this is how women talk!" I know she was trying to be polite--but my point was, welcome to our group of women.

 

I want my daughter to realize there is something so precious when women get together and share. Yeah, it can turn ugly or gossip-py, but I want her to value her womanhood and seek out other, dear, Godly women--

 

If a M-D conference/banquet could help her enjoy being a girl and realize she is surrounded by a loving, female community, I'd take her in a heartbeat.

[Kelli in TN]

I agree with the others. I try to avoid Saturday commitments if I can. I think if you shortened the event and moved it to an evening you might do better. I have to kind of doubt that it is a cultural thing since the church is culturally mixed. I would think by the fact that everyone is going to church together (on what is traditionally the most segregated day of the week) that barriers to the way each group does things have probably been overcome already.

 

Our church does not do a mother-daughter event but we do have a monthly women's dinner. It is well attended by ladies of all ethnicities. Teens are allowed to attend and many women, of all ethnic groups, bring their teen daughters with them. I think if a mother daughter event were to be offered they would attend.

 

But maybe not for three hours on a Saturday.

 

Oh, I am white by the way. (In case you could not make that out from my avatar :lol:)

[Sahamamama]

When my sister and I were little girls, we enjoyed going with our mother to MD brunches. Later, my sister married, but had a 5 year season of infertility. MD brunches were painful for her then, so she didn't go .

 

For me, MD brunches -- not to mention Mother's Day! -- became difficult as I continued into adulthood as a single woman in the church. I was 37 years old when I finally :001_smile: married, but for years it was a bit awkward to attend certain types of church and family functions that emphasized motherhood, something that seemed to be passing me by. So, I didn't go.

 

Our church is inter-ethnic -- White, Black, African, Hispanic, East Indian, Asian. Everybody seems to come out to the MD brunch, regardless of ethnicity. It's lovely to see our African sisters in their BEAUTIFUL kente dresses, our Indian sisters in their brightly colored saris, and the rest of us (LOL) in whatever we pulled out of our laundry baskets (I'm kidding).

 

We just had our brunch on Saturday, and it was nice. The speaker was lame, but otherwise, it was nice. For the first time in my life, I enjoyed a MD brunch with my mom, sister, oldest daughter, and niece, and a few other ladies.

[Tracey in TX]

If the brunch sounds like something you might be interested in, get a group of gals together and have one of your own. Maybe a round table discussion of events/ministries which you and your friends find important.

 

We hold an annual Mother-Daughter Tea. While it's not meant to be a spiritual event, we may morph into this as my girls get older.

 

When an activity sounds worthwhile, but you have doubts it meets your criteria, consider offering up a similar event which will benefit you and others with similar requests/styles.

 

Enjoy!

[Tammyla]

Anything scheduled to last 3 hours on a Saturday here would hard for me and many in my area. That may have been a big factor in the attendance.

[Kelli in TN]

It's lovely to see our African sisters in their BEAUTIFUL kente dresses, our Indian sisters in their brightly colored saris, and the rest of us (LOL) in whatever we pulled out of our laundry baskets (I'm kidding).

 

.

 

Isn't it the truth? They are so beautiful. I love the beautiful fabrics and the beautiful headwraps. I really like when the men wear their traditional robes to church (but not to the ladies dinner, obviously)

 

It makes me want to dress according to my cultural heritage too. But somehow I think if I showed up in a Norwegian Bunad there would be more snickers than compliments!!! Of course if I wore a Viking helmet with it that would probably make it more acceptable!

[momofkhm]

Our church is 95% white, so it was no surprise that those attending were all white. (At the tie we had no non-white families, just singles.)

 

And those in attendance all had young girls. None of the teens came.

 

I do think Saturday would be hard with all the games and such our family has as well.

[Alice]

For me, MD brunches -- not to mention Mother's Day! -- became difficult as I continued into adulthood as a single woman in the church. I was 37 years old when I finally :001_smile: married, but for years it was a bit awkward to attend certain types of church and family functions that emphasized motherhood, something that seemed to be passing me by. So, I didn't go.

 

 

 

 

We go to a very small church (about 75 members). I was director of women's ministry the past 4 years (just stepped down on May 1st...:D) and I avoided doing Mother-Daughter things for this very reason. Since we're so small it just didn't make sense to exclude women who were single, or had sons, or were married without kids, or widows, etc. I'm not against the concept but it just didn't work for us. Also, I have several close friends who are single women in their 30's and we've talked a lot about how the church can sometimes exclude singles through this kind of event. So, I tried to be sensitive to that when planning our activities. I do like Chris in VA's comment about exposing daughters to women's fellowship. We tried to do this by having events for all women but including girls at some of them.

 

My Mom's church (pretty much all white, Pentecostal) does a tea every year. They do it more as an older women/younger girls thing than mother-daughter. The girls plan the tea and make the food and then invite all the older women. They have had a tradition where they bring fancy over-the-top hats and everyone wears them and gets photos taken. My Mom loves it and says it's a fun, silly, lovely tradition. She always goes and has a blast.

 

I also agree with other posters that three hours on a Sat afternoon is too long. I probably wouldn't have attended for just that reason alone.

 

For the demographic "research"...I'm white and my church is PCA (Presbyterian).

[Danestress]

I'm a white Anglican at a mostly white church.

 

We probably wouldn't have this kind of event because our church is small and it would just feel better to include the many older women who might not have a daughter available, but who would enjoy spending time with they younger mothers and the girls.

 

I personally avoid these kinds of gatherings. I love the women at my church. Really greatly enjoy a number of them, and try to go out to dinner or lunch or get together with them to pray. But I don't enjoy large gatherings like this and I dislike most events that include speakers. I am a visual learner. Partlicularly when the speaker has to appeal to young girls as well as women, I just assume it will not be of great interest to me.

 

I hate games, so any game playing is an automatic "no" on my part. I guess right now my time is very short, and so I jealously guard my Saturdays. I want either great social time (which doesn't happen in large groups like this) or serious study and learning, which I doubt will happen there. And I prefer to get outside and DO something. I'd rather have the women meet for a service project or to go on a hike or to learn a new skill. Just talking and eating and listening doesn't really do it for me. So for me, I would give my regrets.

 

I really struggle, though, with what women's ministry ought to be and how it ought to look. Events like this are just SO much work, and for what? I often feel out of step with women's ministry. I always feel jealous of the way men get to do their ministry, which is to say that they have gatherings for very serious study and prayer, and then they have these great nature-oriented outings - camping, fishing etc. I wish women were like that. I wish our bible studies could be more serious and scholarly, and that our social time were more active and truly fun.

[Jean in Wisc]

We go to a very small church (about 75 members). I was director of women's ministry the past 4 years (just stepped down on May 1st...:D) and I avoided doing Mother-Daughter things for this very reason. Since we're so small it just didn't make sense to exclude women who were single, or had sons, or were married without kids, or widows, etc. I'm not against the concept but it just didn't work for us. Also, I have several close friends who are single women in their 30's and we've talked a lot about how the church can sometimes exclude singles through this kind of event. So, I tried to be sensitive to that when planning our activities

 

This is why we have changed it to the Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend Banquet. It is a nice way to include anyone who wants to come.

[pmegan]

My church is almost entirely white, and I'm not sure something like this would really go over. First of all, there's no way 3 hours on a Saturday afternoon would fly. I think most kids in town play sports, which takes up all day Saturday.

 

Plus, Saturday is really family time for us. DH leaves for work early, and gets home after my daughter is in bed. We live in the suburbs of Boston, so this is pretty common among the families I know. She gets to spend all week with me: weekends are when she gets to spend time with DH!

 

When my church does things like this, they do it either before or after service. That seems to draw more people.

 

FWIW, my church is a very liberal one, where there is a range of beliefs. An event like this would quickly devolve into the mothers doing something totally inappropriate (but really funny) and the daughters rolling their eyes and then going off to a corner to sing Hannah Montana songs (for the younger ones) or gossip about school (for the older ones).

[Sharon in SC]

Our church is a large multi racial congregation and has an event similar to what you've described scheduled for this Sat, 10-12. My dds and I (caucasian) have elected not to go because 1) our day is otherwise packed with ballet portraits and travel and 2) it is pricey and we would choose to spend our time/$ otherwise, even if the day weren't already busy. We have ample opportunities for fellowship and find other ways to celebrate our relationship with one another.....that said, we have attended this event rarely in the past and enjoyed ourselvse well enough when we did so.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

It was very much like you describe: Ladies and their daughters, brunch type finger foods and tea, a speaker, little gifts. It was loads of fun. The tables were decorated with fancy linens and pretty fabric remnants, various women brought tea dishes and everyone was encouraged to bring their own teacup and saucer. For fun, we all wear hats, and some come all gussied up with white gloves and boas.

 

The attendees were a half and half mix of black and white. It was organized by one of the black ladies in our congregation, the speaker was white, and the decorations were done by anyone who wanted to contribute.

 

I can honestly say that the thought of color never entered my head, and I am 99% positive that noone else thought of it either.

 

Added: It wasn't called "mother-daughter", I am white, my church is a racially mixed church of Christ. 45 females attended. I helped make the favors: a stand up card that had a quote about how friends are like quilts.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

Hi folks,

 

If your church were to offer the opportunity for a mother-daughter brunch, is that something you would enjoy? The event in question included a meal, door prizes, and a speaker, and was scheduled to last for three hours on a Saturday afternoon.

 

There's been an interesting discussion in my circle about this. This event was offered by my church, and there was some disappointment as the event was attended by far more ladies of one ethnicity than of another (ours is a multi-racial church). It has been suggested that events like this are more of a tradition in one ethnicity than the other. I am curious to know what the greater public thinks.

 

In your reply, would you also mind sharing your denomination and your race? I am genuinely curious to think through whether our attendance demographics were random chance or a reflection of different cultural traditions.

 

Thanks!

 

 

Well, in my MN church, it would be attended by all white people since we live in an area that isn't at all diverse.

 

In my church here (Southern Baptist) it would be attended by a mixture of a lot of different races. My church here is multi-cultural. We have Guatemalans, Koreans, Africans, African-Americans, White Americans, Europeans, South Americans, Mexicans, and some from Australia. So, it would be very different. They would all come because we just all go to everything. It would also be multi-lingual. Our services are all bi-lingual in that all activities are in Spanish and English and if we need another interpretor, we do our best!

 

I think, in the States, that these type of things are sometimes more attended by one ethnicity over another depending on the region you are in and maybe the tone of the event. When I lived in Brooklyn, NY, when we had these type of things, it was definitely better attended by our African-American members. When I lived in Louisianna, the opposite was true. Who knows why this is.

[Call Me Cordelia]

White, Baptist. Would probably not go: Saturdays are already packed with soccer, dds wouldn't enjoy listening to a speaker, such events are really not my thing.

 

NOW, if it were some sort of boundary breaker that could be used to further church unity in a multi-cultural church, that would change my answer.

 

But our church has one phillapino (SP???) woman who is married to an african american man. Not very diverse!!

[Kelli in TN]

And I prefer to get outside and DO something. I'd rather have the women meet for a service project or to go on a hike or to learn a new skill. Just talking and eating and listening doesn't really do it for me. So for me, I would give my regrets.

 

 

 

I always feel jealous of the way men get to do their ministry, which is to say that they have gatherings for very serious study and prayer, and then they have these great nature-oriented outings - camping, fishing etc. I wish women were like that. I wish our bible studies could be more serious and scholarly, and that our social time were more active and truly fun.

 

I was really agreeing with you until you got to the hiking part!:blink: I am trying to picture all the ladies of my church going on a hike!

 

Nope, not gonna happen. And if it did I would definitely stay home!!!!

[OhM]

I always dread these. I finally go because my MIL enjoys attending with me and dd's, and sometimes my aunt comes, too. (Oddly, or rather, not surprisingly if you were to know her, my mother never attends.)

 

And I enjoy these more than I would ever think possible!

 

Our church has 120-150 worshipping members, and have 80-100 attend the mother-daughter tea. It's always on a Saturday afternoon; never advertised for 3 hrs, but often lasts about that long (at least 2-1/2 in most cases). It's advertised "for mothers or daughters". We have enough of each to go around, so no one worries about bringing her own. :) Several of the husbands and sons help serve, but the ladies who organize it prepare the food. All ages are welcome, and all ages come. At last year's, there was a small table set up for the little girls (3-5yo's), who sat together in the middle of the room and were very cute. Ornery at times, but cute. And it's inevitably 95-100% white, because that reflects our church's membership.

 

As a rule, I don't like (and avoid!) "girly" things, but I always go away from it feeling that it was very nice.

[Sherri in MI]

My mother's church has them, or at least used to. Her church is mostly white, Presbyterian church in rural PA. My former church, which I attended for 14 years, was E.V. Free, largely white in a suburb of Los Angeles, and they never had them. They did has a Ladies' Tea every May though, which was usually well attended. So I don't know if Mother/Daughter teas are an Eastern US thing or not.

 

I personally prefer what my friend at a Baptist Church here in MI does. They used to have a Mother/Daughter luncheon, but now call it a Spring Fling, so none of the ladies feel left out if they have no mother or no daughter.

 

I'm not sure of the purpose for them, but I guess they are kind of fun.

[Harriet Vane]

Now the big reveal:

 

The event was attended in far greater proportion by African-American ladies than white ladies.

 

My personal take:

 

I have no idea if it's cultural or not, because my mother never took me to that sort of thing. My mother was only marginally involved in church anyway when I was growing up--we went to Sunday School but not the larger service, and she dropped us off at AWANA as well.

 

We did not go to this brunch because we had concert tickets that had been bought far in advance.

 

My dd did want to go, and I would have taken her if we didn't already have the concert tickets.

 

HOWEVER I personally don't really get into this sort of thing. If I could do whatever I wanted, I would not attend. Our time is short with sports and other events, and I really work hard to protect my children's time with their father on the weekends. Additionally, I watch five extra, needy children every Friday-Saturday. When they go home, I am pretty done in and prefer to be reclusive and antisocial for the rest of Saturday. The thought of dressing up on a Saturday and socializing with a large crowd (however nice they may be!) leaves me cold. To each her own . . .

[kortney in AL]

My former church has held a mother/daughter formal tea for the past few years. It was always well attended. It is a predominantly white southern Baptist church. My daughter and I always enjoyed it. We learned alot about "high tea etiquette"

[elizam]

ell, I am white. I don't think there are any black ladies who attend our church. My dd and I go to the Mother Daughter Banquet and Christmas Tea almost every year. The MD banquet is usually on a Monday evening. Sat. would not work for us due to sports, etc. I am pretty sure the tea is usually on a Sun. afternoon, as are many baby showers.

 

Now the thing that is making me sad is...why is our church 100 % white?