Do you ever feel like you're a fraud?

[Jean in Newcastle]

And someone is going to come and say "You! Why do you think you can do this thing called homeschooling?" I don't mean a government somebody. I think that would just make me mad.:D But someone who's opinion I really care about. And I'll be searching like mad for some proof to show that I really do know what I'm doing instead of making it up as I go along. The thing is, I felt this same way when I was a certified teacher and when I was getting honors in school. Like I had really done a snow job to get them to give me awards when I really had no clue what I was doing! (I don't know if there is an answer to my late night ramblings - maybe bed is the best answer!)

[Ibbygirl]

And someone is going to come and say "You! Why do you think you can do this thing called homeschooling?" I don't mean a government somebody. I think that would just make me mad.:D But someone who's opinion I really care about. And I'll be searching like mad for some proof to show that I really do know what I'm doing instead of making it up as I go along. The thing is, I felt this same way when I was a certified teacher and when I was getting honors in school. Like I had really done a snow job to get them to give me awards when I really had no clue what I was doing! (I don't know if there is an answer to my late night ramblings - maybe bed is the best answer!)

 

hehe maybe. :grouphug: I think it's normal to feel insecure. Afterall, we have a lot riding on this thing called homeschooling. It's our children's lives, education, future at stake. We all love our kids and want to do the absolute best we can for them and yet we are only human so I think it's completely normal to doubt ourselves.

 

For me, I think I'm just really really glad I started off as an "un-schooler". Not sure if that's exactly the right designation, but I was not a classical schooler by any means. I only found out about SWB's book after joining this site almost 2 years ago.

 

If I had started off classically schooling, I think I wouldn't have home schooled. I would have KNOWN that I was waaaay in over my head and I would have believed it an impossible feat to home school my children. But since I started out a different way, it allowed me to build confidence in myself as my dd got tested every year and was testing way beyond her grade level. If I hadn't had those successes under my belt to make me believe that maybe I really can do this thing and maybe it really is the best thing for my child, I would have never been able to even approach the idea of schooling classically.

 

For me it was an incredible blessing to start my journey on a different path. It really prepared me to take this new path and it's working so well for us. :)

Edited February 27, 2011 by Ibbygirl

[amy g.]

I know exactly what you mean. I've come to the conclusion that fakin' it really is makin' it.

 

I'm just shocked, when I start to consider that all of those people who I thought were the real thing were fakin' it too.

[Oops, duplicate account :/]

hehe maybe. :grouphug: I think it's normal to feel insecure. Afterall, we have a lot riding on this thing called homeschooling. It's our children's lives, education, future at stake. We all love our kids and want to do the absolute best we can for them and yet we are only human so I think it's completely normal to doubt ourselves.

 

For me, I think I'm just really really glad I started off as an "un-schooler". Not sure if that's exactly the right designation, but I was not a classical schooler by any means. I only found out about SWB's book after joining this site almost 2 years ago.

 

If I had started off classically schooling, I think I wouldn't have home schooled. I would have KNOWN that I was waaaay in over my head and I would have believed it an impossible feat to home school my children. But since I started out a different way, it allowed me to build confidence in myself as my dd got tested every year and was testing way beyond her grade level. If I hadn't had those successes under my belt to make me believe that maybe I really can do this thing and maybe it really is the best thing for my child, I would have never been able to even approach the idea of schooling classically.

 

For me it was an incredible blessing to start my journey on a different path. It really prepared me to take this new path and it's working so well for us. :)

 

Thank you for saying this! I have four seven and under and thank God for the wisdom I've gotten to just focus on the basics for now and take a more relaxed approach. Otherwise, we'd be another burnt out homeschool family biting the dust. What my children are now missing in 'well rounded' academics they receive in it's place a happy, loving, and fun learning through life home!

Edited February 27, 2011 by JENinOR

[Peela]

I think school is probably more fraudulent, because they try to make everyone outside of the institutionalised framework of thinking, seem inadequate, while themselves doing an inadequate job. The conditioning we get regarding schooling is so strong- it felt so dangerous and scary to step out of the supposed security of the school system to homeschool in the beginning- but after a while, I just felt it was the schools that were the frauds, not us.

The shame is, they just don't know it. They don't realise they are institutionalised and that school is a prison. They dont realise that ordinary parents can do as good as or better job that people with university degrees.

No, I got over feeling like a fraud in the first couple of years of homeschooling, I think.

[Ester Maria]

Fraud is a very strong word, I don't think it ever crossed my mind while reading the experiences on these boards, even if I may oppose particular approaches, curricula, sequences, standards or overall ideologies regarding education. I don't think I even thought about myself in that term in the most insecure, darkest moments. If there is an honest effort, the person is not a fraud. They may have their weaknesses, their best might sometimes just not be good enough according to different standards, they may hit a wall... but they're not a fraud.

 

A fraud is when you consciously start calculating how little you have to do and how much you are leaving to sheer luck to reach a plausible goal ("I'm going to learn lessons 1-5, 7 and 15 and pray that most of the questions on the exam will be from those areas or I'll be able to chatter my way to those areas even if they aren't, thus making myself pass."); when your ultimate goal is "to get away with it", rather than "to learn or teach something to the best of my ability". A fraud is when you don't attempt to address the areas of weakness, but try to hide them at all costs. A fraud is when you want to build your career on superficial scholarship, hiding behind demagogy and big formulations, while lacking substantial knowledge. And above all, a fraud is knowing that you're doing all of that and opting to do that. A fraud is joying in the fact that you're "getting away with things" rather than honestly doing your best, no matter how high or low it might be.

It's not the same as not doing it perfectly, or even as failing at doing something. It's a lot more wicked. And you aren't that. You're a person who is trying her best, but keeps it real and has her doubts, as any other intellectually honest person has them, about what she's doing. And that's okay.

 

Now you just wish to remind yourself that nobody can take away from you what you know, nor your efforts, and that you really are building something worthwhile, but that you have an actual, real possibility of blocking your own self if you dwell too much on the insecurities. Keeping it real is great. Challenging yourself is great. Constantly questioning what you're doing, even at a basic level, is an academically laudable quality. Discussing things with others is even more than great, because it allows you to see more clearly where you're coming from and even correct a thing or two on the way if you reach a conclusion there is a better way to go about something.

But at some point, too many doubts turn into this heavy fog in which you're no longer sure of anything, leading to a complete personal crisis which may be completely unfounded on anything real. A small dose of fear is good - but an actual paranoia is very bad and very limiting.

 

There will always be things you don't know.

There will always be a theoretical possibility that some other choice, public or private, would have been "better". And you will never know.

Living with your choices is hard. Insisting on them is even harder. But if you have a faith that what you're doing is ultimately for the best, keep on keeping along, slow and steady, taking a deep breathe when it takes, and also just laughing when it takes, realizing that, maybe, things aren't so serious as your paranoia makes them appear. ;)

 

Parenting is the most difficult thing in the world in that you're making actual choices for other people in all aspects of their life. It's a risk that not everyone is ready to take. I had serious, moral doubts as to whether I could have children in the first place, because the amount of responsibility for another person seemed - and rightly! - just overwhelmingly huge. So is educating them. But, transferring that responsibility onto an institution doesn't make it any less daunting! It won't solve the thing. You can never know what's the perfect choice, just go by the best of your intuition and ability. And more often than not, it will be enough, if you're raising happy and healthy children in a good home atmosphere, who one day, even if faced with a disagreement with something you did or chose, looking back, will not resent it or be bitter about it, as they will understand that you were just honestly doing your best in what you thought was their best interest. :)

 

On the other hand, you might resent and be bitter about your choices later if your fears, maybe irrationally blown out of proportions, block you from doing something you really thought had to be done, to the best of your ability.

 

And at the end of the day, on a light note, remind yourself from time to time that nobody actually knows anything. :tongue_smilie:It's all one big "fraud" of life we're making and the generations before us were making. All is vanity, nothing new under the sun and the rest of the things that were written millenia ago and are true to this very day.

Sometimes, you just need to relax and laugh. Seriously. :)

[jld]

No, not as a homeschooler. I still do as a parent, though. I am a lot more relaxed than a lot of moms, and a lot more into sharing the power. If you're not a strongly controlling mom, you can sometimes not really seem like a mom, even to yourself.:D

[Margo out of lurking]

And someone is going to come and say "You! Why do you think you can do this thing called homeschooling?" I don't mean a government somebody. I think that would just make me mad.:D But someone who's opinion I really care about.

 

I had to listen to that and similar comments from my dad for eight years. Last year, I finally told him that homeschooling is no longer a topic of discussion between us.

 

Does it bother me? No. He's been encouraging so few times in my life that I can count them on one hand. He's annoying, and I don't need to answer to him. We see him once a year, and he doesn't know me or my kids. I only get mad at myself for forgetting that he can be such a jerk.

[....]

No, I don't feel like a fraud...but the first year I pulled my kids out of public school, I had this overwhelming feeling that I was doing something "illegal". :lol: Even tho, obviously, we were following the state's homeschool laws. :D

[JudoMom]

And someone is going to come and say "You! Why do you think you can do this thing called homeschooling?" I don't mean a government somebody. I think that would just make me mad.:D But someone who's opinion I really care about. And I'll be searching like mad for some proof to show that I really do know what I'm doing instead of making it up as I go along. The thing is, I felt this same way when I was a certified teacher and when I was getting honors in school. Like I had really done a snow job to get them to give me awards when I really had no clue what I was doing! (I don't know if there is an answer to my late night ramblings - maybe bed is the best answer!)

 

Yep.

[RoughCollie]

And someone is going to come and say "You! Why do you think you can do this thing called homeschooling?"

 

I don't feel like a fraud, but I wish I could start homeschooling over again (going back in time to K) with what I know about it now.

[tammyw]

Sometimes, definitely. Usually I get those feelings when I read particular threads here, and it just throws me off course a little bit. Mostly I feel pretty confident, but sometimes reading too much on this board puts me into a panic. Usually to get myself back on track, I go over what we ARE doing (it's really quite a lot), chat with a couple homeschool mom friends for support, or go over it all with my husband. Then I am brought back to reality, and I'm in my happy place again. Though it is reasonably good for me to do this occasionally, because it gives me a chance to verify what we're doing and bump things up in any area I feel we need a boost. This last go round, I realized I wanted to bump things up in the writing area and now we are all good again!

[Impish]

Only on days that end in 'y/'

:blushing::auto::leaving:

[FO4UR]

I have days where it seems I have worked so hard and we are still where we were when we started.:confused:

 

Fraud? No.

 

Failure? Sometimes. It's those times that keep that fire lit under my backside...

[Mommyfaithe]

I think school is probably more fraudulent, because they try to make everyone outside of the institutionalised framework of thinking, seem inadequate, while themselves doing an inadequate job. The conditioning we get regarding schooling is so strong- it felt so dangerous and scary to step out of the supposed security of the school system to homeschool in the beginning- but after a while, I just felt it was the schools that were the frauds, not us.

The shame is, they just don't know it. They don't realise they are institutionalised and that school is a prison. They dont realise that ordinary parents can do as good as or better job that people with university degrees.

No, I got over feeling like a fraud in the first couple of years of homeschooling, I think.

 

:iagree::iagree: thanks for saying what I was thinking.

Faithe

[delaney]

No. Not a fraud. I do stress about progress some days but I have begun to take a new view of education as a whole. I have until they are READY to move on to something new. There is no strict rule that by 18 they need to go to college and I have really begun to rethink the need to boot them out into the world at 18 as it is. I will take as long as I need to get my kids through schooling/CC classes. When they are comfortable I will ease them out of the house. Just knowing that I LOVE teaching and being with my kids makes me feel great. Education is a lifelong experience and I want to teach them that they can take this into their own hands and be a wondrous part of their kids' lives as they educate them. Sorry I rambled.:D

[SailorMom]

Nah - my comback is usually - I'm sure I can do a better job than any government agency can do - just look at how the rest of the govt. is run :)

[regentrude]

Are you aware that the so called Impostor Syndrome is real and affecting not just homeschooling parents, but people in every possible profession?

It is characterized by exactly this feeling: I'm a fraud, I don't really know what I am doing, I just pretend and I hope nobody finds out.

It has nothing to do with actual qualifications. I know of a very successful music professor who was so glad that she finally retired "before she was found out". I had feelings like this periodically myself with respect to my professional life.

Women are affected by this at a higher rate than men, I believe.

So, you are not alone, and homeschoolers are not the only people dealing with this.

[Night Elf]

Well, I don't feel like a fraud, but I have been accused of being one. Dd18's dad and stepmom are public school teachers who told me to my face that I have ruined dd18's life and that homeschooling is a scam and the only people who do it just don't want their children properly educated. I couldn't even use a comeback because they were so hostile. But to be honest, they see anything I do with my dd as a threat because she left them to come live with me. It's a long nasty story. I don't like them, and it has nothing to do with them being teachers. It's them personally. :(

[Jean in Newcastle]

hehe maybe. :grouphug: I think it's normal to feel insecure. Afterall, we have a lot riding on this thing called homeschooling. It's our children's lives, education, future at stake. We all love our kids and want to do the absolute best we can for them and yet we are only human so I think it's completely normal to doubt ourselves.

 

 

There is a lot at stake, isn't there. Though with my 13 year old I think he can start to share the burden a bit for his own education and future.

 

I know exactly what you mean. I've come to the conclusion that fakin' it really is makin' it.

 

I'm just shocked, when I start to consider that all of those people who I thought were the real thing were fakin' it too.

 

In an odd way, that's really comforting!

 

What my children are now missing in 'well rounded' academics they receive in it's place a happy, loving, and fun learning through life home!

 

You have a wonderful start.:)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think school is probably more fraudulent, because they try to make everyone outside of the institutionalised framework of thinking, seem inadequate, while themselves doing an inadequate job

 

There's been a lot of debate here lately over whether it is always an inadequate job. But I do see how they have a very carefully made facade.

 

You're a person who is trying her best, but keeps it real and has her doubts, as any other intellectually honest person has them, about what she's doing. And that's okay.

 

Now you just wish to remind yourself that nobody can take away from you what you know, nor your efforts, and that you really are building something worthwhile, but that you have an actual, real possibility of blocking your own self if you dwell too much on the insecurities. Keeping it real is great. Challenging yourself is great. Constantly questioning what you're doing, even at a basic level, is an academically laudable quality. Discussing things with others is even more than great, because it allows you to see more clearly where you're coming from and even correct a thing or two on the way if you reach a conclusion there is a better way to go about something.

 

I'm so glad that you said this because you are one of the people who's opinion I really care about. This was very helpful, thank you.

 

No, not as a homeschooler. I still do as a parent, though. I am a lot more relaxed than a lot of moms, and a lot more into sharing the power. If you're not a strongly controlling mom, you can sometimes not really seem like a mom, even to yourself.:D

 

See, I don't feel like a fraud as a mom but do as a homeschooler:D

[Mejane]

Sure. It's very common, actually. I was going to mention "imposter syndrome", but see regentrude beat me to it. :001_smile:

[Jean in Newcastle]

I had to listen to that and similar comments from my dad for eight years. Last year, I finally told him that homeschooling is no longer a topic of discussion between us.

 

 

That kind of opinion would only make me mad too. I'm sorry that you had to listen to that.

 

No, I don't feel like a fraud...but the first year I pulled my kids out of public school, I had this overwhelming feeling that I was doing something "illegal". :lol: Even tho, obviously, we were following the state's homeschool laws. :D

 

I still feel a bit that way on the first day of school.:001_huh:

 

Yep.

Thanks for keeping me company.

 

I don't feel like a fraud, but I wish I could start homeschooling over again (going back in time to K) with what I know about it now.

I bet your kids would love a new brother or sister.:D (I say that because dd9 is begging me constantly for a new sister!)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I go over what we ARE doing (it's really quite a lot), chat with a couple homeschool mom friends for support, or go over it all with my husband. Then I am brought back to reality, and I'm in my happy place again. Though it is reasonably good for me to do this occasionally, because it gives me a chance to verify what we're doing and bump things up in any area I feel we need a boost. This last go round, I realized I wanted to bump things up in the writing area and now we are all good again!

 

Good approach!

 

Only on days that end in 'y/'

:blushing::auto::leaving:

 

Only then?;):D

 

I have days where it seems I have worked so hard and we are still where we were when we started.:confused:

 

Fraud? No.

 

Failure? Sometimes. It's those times that keep that fire lit under my backside...

 

Yea - that backside gets pretty warm sometimes.:lol:

 

No. Not a fraud. I do stress about progress some days but I have begun to take a new view of education as a whole. I have until they are READY to move on to something new. There is no strict rule that by 18 they need to go to college and I have really begun to rethink the need to boot them out into the world at 18 as it is. I will take as long as I need to get my kids through schooling/CC classes. When they are comfortable I will ease them out of the house. Just knowing that I LOVE teaching and being with my kids makes me feel great. Education is a lifelong experience and I want to teach them that they can take this into their own hands and be a wondrous part of their kids' lives as they educate them. Sorry I rambled.:D

 

That's true - I do have time. I think this has become more of an issue for me now that ds13 is entering his high school studies.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Are you aware that the so called Impostor Syndrome is real and affecting not just homeschooling parents, but people in every possible profession?

It is characterized by exactly this feeling: I'm a fraud, I don't really know what I am doing, I just pretend and I hope nobody finds out.

It has nothing to do with actual qualifications. I know of a very successful music professor who was so glad that she finally retired "before she was found out". I had feelings like this periodically myself with respect to my professional life.

Women are affected by this at a higher rate than men, I believe.

So, you are not alone, and homeschoolers are not the only people dealing with this.

 

It's got a name! And yes, I felt it during my professional life too periodically.

 

Well, I don't feel like a fraud, but I have been accused of being one. Dd18's dad and stepmom are public school teachers who told me to my face that I have ruined dd18's life and that homeschooling is a scam and the only people who do it just don't want their children properly educated. I couldn't even use a comeback because they were so hostile. But to be honest, they see anything I do with my dd as a threat because she left them to come live with me. It's a long nasty story. I don't like them, and it has nothing to do with them being teachers. It's them personally. :(

 

I'm sorry. That kind of attitude just makes me boil. (Not yours, theirs).

 

Sure. It's very common, actually. I was going to mention "imposter syndrome", but see regentrude beat me to it. :001_smile:

 

You and regentrude have it nailed.

[Plucky]

You know I've never felt like a fraud. I have worried myself sick that I wasn't doing enough or not the right things. Now that I've been doing this a while and see how beneficial it has been to my kids I don't doubt myself much in the homeschooling department. I'm not perfect. They aren't perfect, but they are pretty great. I guess it helps that my dh is my biggest cheerleader in hsing now (wasn't always the case).

[Stacy in NJ]

Schools frequently are great a telling you what they can do, what they will do, what they should do, but the reality of outcome usually falls short. That's just my observation.

 

I think school is probably more fraudulent, because they try to make everyone outside of the institutionalised framework of thinking, seem inadequate, while themselves doing an inadequate job. The conditioning we get regarding schooling is so strong- it felt so dangerous and scary to step out of the supposed security of the school system to homeschool in the beginning- but after a while, I just felt it was the schools that were the frauds, not us.

The shame is, they just don't know it. They don't realise they are institutionalised and that school is a prison. They dont realise that ordinary parents can do as good as or better job that people with university degrees.

No, I got over feeling like a fraud in the first couple of years of homeschooling, I think.

[RoughCollie]

I bet your kids would love a new brother or sister.:D

 

When the boys had just turned 3 years old, they had a meeting under the dining room table. I overheard them. Their plan was to call a taxi and go to the local hospital's nursery to buy a baby *boy*. Lucky for me, they did not plan to turn in their 1.5 yo sister for the new model, and they did not know how to use the telephone.

 

For years, my sons wanted more brothers and DD wanted sisters. Plural. I think I could have had a dozen children, total, before they were all satisfied. That did not come to pass, obviously.

[Trivium Academy]

Jean, I thought that was just a part of being a homeschooler. The decision to go down the different path and always be fielding the question, "oh, did you go to college to be a teacher?"

[Denisemomof4]

I don't know why but when I read the title of your post, it just made me:lol:

 

I used to feel like that when I was homeschooling my boys. I was always so worried about this and that. I always felt so inadequate. Then they entered the school system and everyone was SO impressed with them. Now that I've been at this for SO long, and I know what my boys learned in school, and I know what's out there for us in high school, I'm just so relaxed about it all. I know it will all work out.

 

And no, I don't feel like a fraud, but I do know we could be doing more......mainly with history. I need a new curriculum to spice things up. I don't want to redo everything I've already done with the boys.

[LibraryLover]

I wear my heart on my sleeve. My frailties are well-known and none of my friends or family seem to mind that I'm not perfect. :lol:

[Denisemomof4]

That's true - I do have time. I think this has become more of an issue for me now that ds13 is entering his high school studies.

 

I remember I was SO scared about the high school years. I think you're probably just nervous. I've been to a few conferences about homeschooling through high school and they REALLY eased my mind. I think you're probably worried about such a huge task but really it will be fine and you can do it. :001_smile: If it gets to be too much on you, outsource. That's what I keep telling myself. Outsourcing can mean taking a class outside of the home, online, or even a dvd program. I know in our school there is an online virtual academy offered to every resident in the state. I may take advantage of that, too.

 

I don't plan to do everything myself once the girls get older.

[LibraryLover]

We've done this, and without the least bit of guilt. We don't personally feel as a family that hsing means we can't seek out appropriate resources in our community. There are some good and thoughtful folks out there who get us!

 

 

I remember I was SO scared about the high school years. I think you're probably just nervous. I've been to a few conferences about homeschooling through high school and they REALLY eased my mind. I think you're probably worried about such a huge task but really it will be fine and you can do it. :001_smile: If it gets to be too much on you, outsource. That's what I keep telling myself. Outsourcing can mean taking a class outside of the home, online, or even a dvd program. I know in our school there is an online virtual academy offered to every resident in the state. I may take advantage of that, too.

 

I don't plan to do everything myself once the girls get older.

[Guest CarolineUK]

Yes, but only when it gets to that point in the first conversation with somebody about the fact that we homeschool when they ask "Oh, are you a teacher?". It's funny, but every time I tell anyone that we homeschool they ask me this same question. And every time I feel my confidence draining away and get a panicky feeling of having been caught out. "No", I think "I'm not a teacher, whatever made me think I can homeschool?". Afterwards I feel really cross with myself because I'm sure the self-doubt comes across to whoever I'm talking to. And, of course, I can teach, I love homeschooling, my children love homeschooling, we're all (mostly) blissfully happy and learning tons.

[Crissy]

And someone is going to come and say "You! Why do you think you can do this thing called homeschooling?" I don't mean a government somebody.

 

I used to. I think if I were homeschooling Jeffrey in his high school years I would still feel that way.

I always assumed that it was because I don't have a college education, but I have heard from a number of people with degrees who also feel this way.

[Trish]

Well, this is our first year homeschooling, and when I see what kind of material my kids can get through NOW, and how quickly, I DO think the majority of public and private schools are more or less frauds, educationally speaking. (Meaning, for the amount of time kids spend there, they could be much further ahead than they are)

 

And they're considering lengthening the school day/year, or at least Obama has suggested that?

 

And we're falling futher behind other developed nations, here in the U.S.?

[Denisemomof4]

We've done this, and without the least bit of guilt. We don't personally feel as a family that hsing means we can't seek out appropriate resources in our community. There are some good and thoughtful folks out there who get us!

 

I wish I had realized this with my boys. It was homeschool OR public school for me back in the day. Now I'm older and wiser.;) CAN I do it all? Yes. But you know what? I've been a homeschooling mom for 13 years and I just don't think *I* need to be the one to do it ALL anymore.

[Negin]

I don't feel like a fraud, but I wish I could start homeschooling over again (going back in time to K) with what I know about it now.

Me too.

[Kari C in SC]

No, I don't feel that way, but it could be because I have been homeschooling for so long. It just seems like our normal life. We don't really remember a before. It is just who we are. So, I guess it doesn't feel any different that being a mom or a wife.