Would this upset/offend you?

[Sue G in PA]

My daughter is good friends with another girl in the neighborhood. This girl's mother and I are friendly but not good friends. We are both Christians but disagree on many aspects of child-rearing, Biblical submission, marriage, family, homeschooling, etc. I've written about this woman before and how she told my son he wasn't a friend to her son unless he called him every day. :confused: Anyway, she has recently been introduced to the Help Meet book written by Debi Pearl. She was RAVING over this book and how it has completely opened her eyes to her "role" as a wife and how she'd been "messing" up until now. I cautioned her about the Pearl's and how they tend to twist scripture to make it say what they want, etc. I told her that I disagreed with pretty much everything Debi Pearl has to say in this book (I have read it) and told her that it was great she was enjoying it though. To each his/her own, right? Anyway, I picked my daughter up from her house tonight and she had a book in her hand. I asked what it was and she said that Mrs. "so and so" got it for her when she picked up a copy for her own daughter and another friend. It was "Preparing to Be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl. :glare: I told my daughter I would have to read it first before I let her read it and that is certainly was thoughtful of her friend's mother to buy it for her. Would you be upset? This woman, knowing how I felt about the Pearl's, went ahead and purchased a book for my daughter, written by Debi Pearl? Would you feel like this woman was overstepping her boundaries a bit? I read a bit of the book tonight just to "see" if perhaps I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Nope. Same junk. Just written for impressionable young girls this time. Anyway, just wanted some opinions. I already emailed this woman and politely told her my daughter wouldn't be needing it but how thoughtful it was for her to think of her. And it was. She really is a nice woman. We just "differ" in our opinions on pretty much everything! LOL.

[Hen]

yes, I think she overstepped there, knowing how you feel. I think you handled it really well though, with a polite "no thank you, but how kind" email.

 

Unless you want things to get frosty, I'd just give her the book back and pretend it didn't happen..unless she keeps pushing.

[RanchGirl]

I don't know about offending me, but after learning this I would certainly be minimizing my daughter's contact with this family. From what I know of the Debi Pearl stuff, some (not all) of the followers can be cult-like in their devotion. It sounds like this mom has fallen hard for the Pearl beliefs and is not just interested in following this lifestyle herself but also influencing others, including your daughter despite already knowing you weren't a fan.

 

Personally, I wouldn't send my daughter over there at all anymore, and I would carefully monitor the conversations when their daughter visits your home.

[roxanne23]

.

Edited January 4, 2023 by roxanne23

[Sonshine]

I think it is ironic that while she is studying how to be a super submissive wife, she undermined your authority as a mother. I might back off on my daughter spending time with her, and see if the mother sticks to this philosophy or it's just a phase. Either way, I would have my antenna up, as she was not respectful of you as a mother, and that would make me cautious about her influence on my daughter. Sometimes something like this makes me think the person is a bit wacky and not someone I want my child sending time with as a figure of authority. I am a conservative Christian, but some people seem to go overboard in their interpretation of things. If that were the only friend available, I would reconsider.

[Parrothead]

I don't know about offending me, but after learning this I would certainly be minimizing my daughter's contact with this family. From what I know of the Debi Pearl stuff, some (not all) of the followers can be cult-like in their devotion. It sounds like this mom has fallen hard for the Pearl beliefs and is not just interested in following this lifestyle herself but also influencing others, including your daughter despite already knowing you weren't a fan.

 

Personally, I wouldn't send my daughter over there at all anymore, and I would carefully monitor the conversations when their daughter visits your home.

:iagree:Yeah, what RanchGirl said. If she is giving away books, you can bet she is giving away Pearl "wisdom" during visits.

[Sue G in PA]

My daughter is very close with this woman's daughter. I have from the very beginning been wary of my children spending too much time with them. Lots of little things that make my mother antennae start standing straight up, kwim? I'm going to risk having my dd hate me if I start limiting her time with said friend. I'm sort of in a spot. The mother will not let the daughter spend time her b/c we have "too many boys". :confused: Anyway, I may have to have a long talk with dd tomorrow and with this woman.

[SonshineLearner]

I would think that she had purchased it for your daughter already, and it just slipped her mind... NOW, if she had sat and read it out loud to your daughter... perhaps??? Seriously, I believe in the husband being the head of the family, but is reading that book something most teens would want to do?? Mine wouldn't have any interest in it.

 

I've heard great things about the book, and I might read it for the glimpses of gold in it.... but with some huge lumps of salt, too:) My poor husband is actually pretty great at serving me and not expecting much, but I could probably improve in that department :) Of course, I wouldn't do it if it were guilt... and I don't think marriage... or his faithfulness to me... is totally my responsibility.. by any stretch.

 

I think a Home Ec/Powder Mechanic class (is that what the "light" auto class is called??) Would be a better type of class :) Perhaps you can get a nice book about how to change your oil etc... for her daughter :)

Edited February 7, 2011 by NayfiesMama
PS, I'm pretty sure your daughter is smart enough to shake off what she's hearing.... Just a thought :)

[Sonshine]

I would find a way to loosen up this friendship. It doesn't sound healthy as far as the mother is concerned, and the daughter as she get older and can express the same views to your daughter. I may be being extreme here, but the thought of your daughter adopting that view and marrying into that type of relationship would scare me to bits.

 

What about involving your daughter in a new activity (maybe temporary) that takes up a lot of time, like a sport. She will just be too busy to be with her friend, but won't hardly notice as as she is having so much fun and even is tired out from the activity. In a few months you can back off the activity and maybe your daughter will have gotten used to not seeing the girl and move on.

[Little Nyssa]

"I think a Home Ec/Powder Mechanic class (is that what the "light" auto class is called??) Would be a better type of class Perhaps you can get a nice book about how to change your oil etc... for her daughter"

:lol:

 

Just hand the book back to her with a polite No Thanks.

[roxanne23]

.

Edited January 4, 2023 by roxanne23

[SilverMoonlight]

yes, I think she overstepped there, knowing how you feel. I think you handled it really well though, with a polite "no thank you, but how kind" email.

 

Unless you want things to get frosty, I'd just give her the book back and pretend it didn't happen..unless she keeps pushing.

 

I think you handled it much more gracefully than I would have. If she had bought the book for you, an adult, you could have chosen to ignore it. But she was overstepping boundaries by giving a book that she knew you disagreed with to your child without your permission. She may feel called to share her faith, but that is not the way to do it.

 

 

:iagree:

 

 

My daughter is very close with this woman's daughter. I have from the very beginning been wary of my children spending too much time with them. Lots of little things that make my mother antennae start standing straight up, kwim? I'm going to risk having my dd hate me if I start limiting her time with said friend. I'm sort of in a spot. The mother will not let the daughter spend time her b/c we have "too many boys". :confused: Anyway, I may have to have a long talk with dd tomorrow and with this woman.

 

 

Oh, my. Well, that right there would be enough for me to want to try to back away my daughter from spending too much time with that family. I am wondering what types of things your daughter might be hearing over there.

[jld]

I would feel really disrespected if another mom treated me that way. I explained to a mom we were visiting once that we were vegetarian, and she literally turned around and gave a plate of food with meat on it to dh. He was too polite to refuse, and ate it. The friendship eventually dropped off, which was for the best.

 

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Someday we parents will learn boundaries, and not try to push our beliefs onto other people's kids. :grouphug:

[Heather in Neverland]

Yeah, that would bug me only because she KNEW how you felt about the book and the Pearl's. I see it as trying to subversively influence your daughter. I would return the book to her.

[tex-mex]

I think you handled it much more gracefully than I would have. If she had bought the book for you, an adult, you could have chosen to ignore it. But she was overstepping boundaries by giving a book that she knew you disagreed with to your child without your permission. She may feel called to share her faith, but that is not the way to do it.

:iagree: She really is undermining your authority by giving your ds that book. You handled it wonderfully, tho'. Kudos to you! It does appear as if she is being "legalistic" in her actions to guide your ds down the path as she feels her children should go. But if I were you, I would find another family to be friends with and find a new friend for your child. Lord knows what the mom is saying to your child while at her home. I know of some hsers who love the Pearls and so on. And yes, they sound like your friend. I hope your ds is okay with all of this. That will be hard on her to lose a friend.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Yeah, one of the "gems of gold" that the Pearls put forth is about how a wife should "welcome her husband with open arms" when he returns from prison after molesting his own children. If that just doesn't scream BIBLICAL FAMILY VALUES!! (snark not intended toward normal xians!)

 

....that way he can now be free to molest his grandchildren. Ain't it just lovely? :mad: Those books are poison and the mother is an instigator. I thought so first when you started the thread about your son not being a good friend because he didn't call everyday, but now?! Now she has REALLY taken it too far.

 

I would be likely to say something like,"We do not condone the sexual exploitation of children in this house. The authors of that book DO. Never give such vile filth to my child ever again". But, I'm just like that.

[LidiyaDawn]

How old is your daughter? :)

 

(you don't have a sig and the original post doesn't say)

[Karenciavo]

I might be upset, but rather than posting on a message board I would go to the Christian woman I'm friendly with and ask her about. I think that's the Biblical model.

[Catherine]

This screams "interfering busybody" to me. Walk-no, RUN in the other direction.

[Catherine]

Rather than limit time with the kid, which in our case has been nigh impossible because of proximity and persistence, I try to make sure most of their playtime is here under my watchful eye. I don't even hesitate anymore to speak up when I hear him saying something hurtful or clearly against my values, though I also try hard to show warmth and kindness to him. Kids are more honest than parents, or less guarded, and that has really helped us to form a bond with the boy that is more genuine. Good luck. She sounds like a "piece of work."

[freethinkermama]

I might be upset, but rather than posting on a message board I would go to the Christian woman I'm friendly with and ask her about. I think that's the Biblical model.

 

There's no reason the OP shouldn't talk about the situation here to determine whether her reaction was reasonable or not, which is what the OP did. And how she should respond. There's nothing non-Biblical about that.

 

If she gave the woman's name and was here to defame here, that would be unBiblical.

[kewb]

Yes, it would upset me. The mother is clearly over-stepping knowing how you feel about the Pearls. You handled the situation with grace.

 

I would be discussing the incident with my dd so she would understand why playtime at that house will know be limited.

[mommaduck]

Sue, this family has way too many red flags (from this post and past posts). Yes, she overstepped. You told her you disagreed with the Pearls and she gave your daughter one of their books anyway. Doesn't matter if she had already bought the book or not. I'm betting she would be off her rocker offended if you had given her kids books by an author she had specifically mentioned she had had issues with. The fact, that your daughter is only allowed to spend time there and not vis versa, is also a warning. I don't believe it's just the boys in your home (though that is a red flag also), but that she also wants to limit her daughters contact with YOU as a possible influence. Everything is pointing to the "your belief/life/marriage/family is not good/conservative/religious/christian enough" for them and THEY are trying to be the "good" influence for YOUR children. There is a lot of control issues going on here also.

[Sahamamama]

My daughter is very close with this woman's daughter. I have from the very beginning been wary of my children spending too much time with them. Lots of little things that make my mother antennae start standing straight up, kwim? I'm going to risk having my dd hate me if I start limiting her time with said friend. I'm sort of in a spot. The mother will not let the daughter spend time her b/c we have "too many boys". :confused: Anyway, I may have to have a long talk with dd tomorrow and with this woman.

 

Has your daughter heard her say this? What sort of message does that send to your daughter about her own brothers? :001_huh: What does this woman think your own sons would DO to her daughter? Are those awful, evil, pedophilic sons of yours really so toxic to her "poor, helpless" girl? Really?

 

I would rise up for the sake of my sons, as well as my daughter.

 

That's the part of your post that breaks my heart. I never had a brother (one bossy big sister, LOL), but I always had a place in my heart for one. I think this over the years gave me a soft spot for boys. They are so maligned in our culture! I know that if we'd had brothers, my parents would never have tolerated anyone implying some unsubstantiated and vague negative word about them.... as if they could be dangerous to another girl in the house. And if your daughter's friend DID spend more time at your house, and one of your sons said or did something this girl had been taught was "sinful" -- e.g., he says, "That's a pretty dress" or whatever -- will the girl go home and tell her mother the offending comment? And what kind of trouble might your son then be in with this family? Food for thought.

 

It's this family's boys vs. girls mentality that would be the issue for me AND the control issue (over who is the fundamental influence on my young daughter's worldview). Good luck with it.

Edited February 7, 2011 by Sahamamama

[elegantlion]

Has your daughter heard her say this? What sort of message does that send to your daughter about her own brothers? :001_huh: What does this woman think your own sons would DO to her daughter? Really?

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[mommaduck]

Has your daughter heard her say this? What sort of message does that send to your daughter about her own brothers? :001_huh: What does this woman think your own sons would DO to her daughter? Really?

 

And by the same token, then perhaps your daughter shouldn't spend time there, because she has son/s also (I don't care if it's one or ten). What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

[May]

No, I wouldn't be offended. But I would encourage my dd in making other friends and hopefully, let the friendship fade. You handled the situation with lots of class.:001_smile:

[amydavis]

Sue, this family has way too many red flags (from this post and past posts). Yes, she overstepped. You told her you disagreed with the Pearls and she gave your daughter one of their books anyway. Doesn't matter if she had already bought the book or not. I'm betting she would be off her rocker offended if you had given her kids books by an author she had specifically mentioned she had had issues with. The fact, that your daughter is only allowed to spend time there and not vis versa, is also a warning. I don't believe it's just the boys in your home (though that is a red flag also), but that she also wants to limit her daughters contact with YOU as a possible influence. Everything is pointing to the "your belief/life/marriage/family is not good/conservative/religious/christian enough" for them and THEY are trying to be the "good" influence for YOUR children. There is a lot of control issues going on here also.

 

:iagree:

 

Has your daughter heard her say this? What sort of message does that send to your daughter about her own brothers? :001_huh: What does this woman think your own sons would DO to her daughter? Are those awful, evil, pedophilic sons of yours really so toxic to her "poor, helpless" girl? Really?

 

:iagree:

 

I would rise up for the sake of my sons, as well as my daughter.

 

:iagree:

 

 

And by the same token, then perhaps your daughter shouldn't spend time there, because she has son/s also (I don't care if it's one or ten). What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

 

:iagree:

[Guest momk2000]

Regardless of how you feel about the author, I would never buy a book like that for someone elses child. It's way to personal to me, a topic that I feel is between a parent and their own child. She is overstepping her boundaries, I would be put off by this even if I loved the author/book.

[Sue G in PA]

I might be upset, but rather than posting on a message board I would go to the Christian woman I'm friendly with and ask her about. I think that's the Biblical model.

 

Yes, Matthew 18. I emailed her before I posted this. I suppose I was just wanting to make sure I wasn't being super-sensitive about it. Thanks.

[Sue G in PA]

The mother creeps me out, that is for sure. Her daughter is a lovely girl who also realized her mother is a bit, um, legalistic? We've had conversations in the past, initiated by the girl, about her mother and her strict nature and her treatment of the girl's brother. The woman has some obvious issues regarding men. It's all very sad actually. At first, I was hoping that some of our "normalcy" would rub off on them, but now, I'm wondering if too much of them is rubbing off on my dd. :glare: I had planned to talk to dd today. I think I need to establish some more "firm" boundaries with this woman before I let dd spend more time there. Thanks everyone, for letting me know that I am not off my rocker for feeling a bit upset! :D

[mommaduck]

The mother creeps me out, that is for sure. Her daughter is a lovely girl who also realized her mother is a bit, um, legalistic? We've had conversations in the past, initiated by the girl, about her mother and her strict nature and her treatment of the girl's brother. The woman has some obvious issues regarding men. It's all very sad actually. At first, I was hoping that some of our "normalcy" would rub off on them, but now, I'm wondering if too much of them is rubbing off on my dd. :glare: I had planned to talk to dd today. I think I need to establish some more "firm" boundaries with this woman before I let dd spend more time there. Thanks everyone, for letting me know that I am not off my rocker for feeling a bit upset! :D

 

Yes, because the grass is always greener on the other side to a young lady. I would definitely set up boundaries.

[Karenciavo]

Yes, Matthew 18. I emailed her before I posted this. I suppose I was just wanting to make sure I wasn't being super-sensitive about it. Thanks.

But why would you think you were being super-sensitive? You had a conversation with this woman, she knew your views, she gave your child information you told her contained in your view twisted Scripture. Why wouldn't it warrant a conversation in which you would tell this person you were upset by her actions, please explain why you gave my daughter this book? Seems like a no-brainer to me.

[Dobela]

The mother creeps me out, that is for sure. Her daughter is a lovely girl who also realized her mother is a bit, um, legalistic? We've had conversations in the past, initiated by the girl, about her mother and her strict nature and her treatment of the girl's brother. The woman has some obvious issues regarding men. It's all very sad actually. At first, I was hoping that some of our "normalcy" would rub off on them, but now, I'm wondering if too much of them is rubbing off on my dd. :glare: I had planned to talk to dd today. I think I need to establish some more "firm" boundaries with this woman before I let dd spend more time there. Thanks everyone, for letting me know that I am not off my rocker for feeling a bit upset! :D

Just looking in - you are to her dd what she is to your dd. ;) Who is to say that your dd didn't being up some things at the other house as well and that it opened up conversations that lead to the book? Either way, if the relationship is that uncomfortable, it doesn't need to be fostered.

 

I have read the helpmeet book. The good stuff you can pick up from any other good husband/wife relationship book. The not so good stuff, well, I totally disagreed with and some was pretty bad. If someone gave it to my child, I would use some of those as teaching moments and let her know why I disagreed. Some are pretty obvious IMO. Your dd may be receptive to what she is hearing, or just really curious, because it is a POV that she has not been exposed to before. Then I would just throw it away.

[Sue G in PA]

The conversations I had with this young lady were very one-sided. It was more of an open sharing by the girl and a "Hmm." response from me. Does that make sense? I wouldn't bad-mouth her Mom to her. Who knows what my dd discusses over there. She is fairly quiet so it would surprise me that she discusses anything like this unless initiated by the Mom. THAT wouldn't surprise me. Anyway, I think I know what I need to do. Thanks.

[NanceXToo]

Being as I consider the Pearls dangerous and twisted child abusers, YES I would be upset if another parent decided to give my children books or material that promoted such views. Even if they didn't already know my views for sure, but most especially if they did. My children would never be allowed over at that house again.

[BlsdMama]

I'll preface by saying I'm actually a Pearl *book* fan, which is different than a Pearl fan I suppose in that I appreciate their teaching as I think it points me to a better way. (gulp.) But that's a bit different than following a person or person(s) don't you think? ;)

 

And still, I would limit my daughter's exposure to the family.

 

I actually UNDERSTAND where the mother is coming from on many points, but it still doesn't take away from the fact that she disrespected your authority as the mother by giving a book written by an author you don't advocate.

 

For instance, I wouldn't let my daughter spend a lot of time in a home where there are many boys close to her age. True story. Our goal is to protect her heart and her spending large amounts of time with brothers would establish bonds that may eventually go deeper and she isn't old enough for that yet. I would, on the other hand, invite them to my house where I could better supervise, which is probably exactly what this mama is doing. :) She sounds like a good mother, perhaps a little over-exuberant in what she's found so she wants to "share" with the world which I think is great, but she must understand she clearly overstepped boundaries. Clearly.

 

Honestly? I would be tempted to brush it under the rug, but I do think unless you discuss it, she won't think twice about doing it again, so I guess it's a matter of whether or not you want this to continue or not. If you allow the friendship and it will mostly be maintained in her home, she should gently have it brought to her attention, that she should respect your role as the child's authority whether she agrees or not.

 

Just my .02.

[4wildberrys]

I think it is ironic that while she is studying how to be a super submissive wife, she undermined your authority as a mother. I might back off on my daughter spending time with her, and see if the mother sticks to this philosophy or it's just a phase. Either way, I would have my antenna up, as she was not respectful of you as a mother, and that would make me cautious about her influence on my daughter. Sometimes something like this makes me think the person is a bit wacky and not someone I want my child sending time with as a figure of authority. I am a conservative Christian, but some people seem to go overboard in their interpretation of things. If that were the only friend available, I would reconsider.

:iagree: And the fact that your mother antenna has been going off? Follow that gut feeling---it's rarely ever wrong! :glare:

[Mother Superior]

My daughter is very close with this woman's daughter. I have from the very beginning been wary of my children spending too much time with them. Lots of little things that make my mother antennae start standing straight up, kwim? I'm going to risk having my dd hate me if I start limiting her time with said friend. I'm sort of in a spot. The mother will not let the daughter spend time her b/c we have "too many boys". :confused: Anyway, I may have to have a long talk with dd tomorrow and with this woman.

 

I agree with Parrothead. I'd want to limit contact by having the girls in public together or at your house-- not at theirs.

 

But then I read your post. I understand your concern for the girls' relationship, though the whole "too many boys" thing would really bug me. I'd truly want to INSIST that the girls can spend together at your house and not theirs just because of that. :glare:

 

If you really want the girls to be able to spend time together, then the only other thing I can think of is to read that book together with your daughter, and slowly, meticulously, go through point by point and explain to your daughter how evil it is (and yes, I have read some the Pearl's stuff, and yes, I think it's evil). Assuming your daughter is old enough to think critically about others' theology, and that she can see through the lies Debbie Pearl tells, then it could be a good opportunity to teach her how to look for false doctrines and analyze the ideologies of others, without accepting them blindly.

 

But honestly, I would be hoping that the girls themselves would find some reason to not see each other as much and that the relationship would fizzle out on its own.

 

Good luck with this. I'd be ticked too. This mother really has put you in a tight spot.

[Sue G in PA]

This woman seems to think that her home life is holier than yours and is trying to separate your daughter from you in the hopes of being a good influence. She disrespected your sons and may even be trying to undermine your authority as a mother in the privacy of her home. I would not be able to tolerate this and would definitely start drawing my children away from her's.

 

 

Yes. This. I received an email response from her and it wreaked of this "holier than though" attitude. She even questioned how I could so readily welcome unGodly influences in my childrens' lives yet SHUN the Godly (meaning her). :glare: I spoke to my daughter this morning about the book and the influence this family is having on her/us. I told her that I was limiting her time spent over there (which isn't a lot now). She flipped out. She now hates me. :glare: But that is another red flag. She is being brainwashed. It was happening so slowly that I never realized it but I was losing my influence on my own dd to this woman! God has used this book to show me. I am thankful.

[elfgivas]

one sided relationships are rarely healthy. i would use this as a beginning discussion with my dds. we could brainstorm ideas about how to make it more reciprocal, and then try a few of them. it would help the dds see that its not so healthy.

 

could you come up with a couple of outings that the two moms and kids could do together? how she reponds to those invitations will let you know whether she is trying to correct your parenting with your daughter or whether she will spend time with you, too. or find an activity like girl scouts that the girls could join together? that way, they have friend time in a neutral place without "mom time".

 

we went from an "almost every day" relationship to a "once a week" relationship to a "once a month, once a season,once a year" friendship over a two year period. dds still miss who their friend used to be, but not who she is now. i would be in more of a hurry in this situation.

 

but i wouldn't leave it with my dd going over there....

 

:grouphug:

:grouphug:ann

 

eta: i was posting as you were updating. good luck; this won't be fun : (. when dds and i need to rebuild relationship, we paint together, or any craft, really, and hike and camp....

Edited February 7, 2011 by elfgivas@yahoo.com

[simka2]

But why would you think you were being super-sensitive? You had a conversation with this woman, she knew your views, she gave your child information you told her contained in your view twisted Scripture. Why wouldn't it warrant a conversation in which you would tell this person you were upset by her actions, please explain why you gave my daughter this book? Seems like a no-brainer to me.

 

"There is wisdom in many counselors." -Proverbs

[Nakia]

Yes. This. I received an email response from her and it wreaked of this "holier than though" attitude. She even questioned how I could so readily welcome unGodly influences in my childrens' lives yet SHUN the Godly (meaning her). :glare: I spoke to my daughter this morning about the book and the influence this family is having on her/us. I told her that I was limiting her time spent over there (which isn't a lot now). She flipped out. She now hates me. :glare: But that is another red flag. She is being brainwashed. It was happening so slowly that I never realized it but I was losing my influence on my own dd to this woman! God has used this book to show me. I am thankful.

 

Wow. That's a rough situation to be in. I will pray for you and your daughter. :grouphug:

[mommaduck]

Yes. This. I received an email response from her and it wreaked of this "holier than though" attitude. She even questioned how I could so readily welcome unGodly influences in my childrens' lives yet SHUN the Godly (meaning her). :glare: I spoke to my daughter this morning about the book and the influence this family is having on her/us. I told her that I was limiting her time spent over there (which isn't a lot now). She flipped out. She now hates me. :glare: But that is another red flag. She is being brainwashed. It was happening so slowly that I never realized it but I was losing my influence on my own dd to this woman! God has used this book to show me. I am thankful.

 

Wow! Yeah, that relationship would be OVER. Praying for you and your daughter. (Sue, I forget, how old is she again?)

[Mother Superior]

Yes. This. I received an email response from her and it wreaked of this "holier than though" attitude. She even questioned how I could so readily welcome unGodly influences in my childrens' lives yet SHUN the Godly (meaning her). :glare: I spoke to my daughter this morning about the book and the influence this family is having on her/us. I told her that I was limiting her time spent over there (which isn't a lot now). She flipped out. She now hates me. :glare: But that is another red flag. She is being brainwashed. It was happening so slowly that I never realized it but I was losing my influence on my own dd to this woman! God has used this book to show me. I am thankful.

 

Oh my goodness! Yep, she is all about trying to "save" your dd from YOU.

 

I feel for you and your dd, though I know she'll get over it. I like the suggestion of the two of you spending some time together. And, eventually, I still think it would be a good idea to discuss the book and explain to her why the ideas contained therein are BAD and not a true representation of how a Godly woman lives.

[Sue G in PA]

My dd is 14. Thanks all. I appreciate the support and prayers. I know my dd will come around. She is a good girl. :)

[mommaduck]

Oh my goodness! Yep, she is all about trying to "save" your dd from YOU.

 

I feel for you and your dd, though I know she'll get over it. I like the suggestion of the two of you spending some time together. And, eventually, I still think it would be a good idea to discuss the book and explain to her why the ideas contained therein are BAD and not a true representation of how a Godly woman lives.

 

:iagree: It would be good to explain the difference between a godly wife/mother and a doormat/open door to spousal abuse. Also, the book lends to the theory that all marriages are the same and should run the same. That men only fall into certain boxes and we have to cater to that, because they are unreprogramable robots. Explain the equality, but different roles in marriage bit, etc.

 

This family has a very warped view of many things...marriage, genders, teA, etc. I've seen so much of this first hand myself in various churches and with family. Your daughter needs to understand "balance" from "extremism".

 

Much hugs and prayers.

[mommaduck]

My dd is 14. Thanks all. I appreciate the support and prayers. I know my dd will come around. She is a good girl. :)

 

I thought our oldest two were the same ages ;) Can't wait for the weather to warm up...maybe we need a York County park day or something (Gettysburg?).

[Sue G in PA]

I thought our oldest two were the same ages ;) Can't wait for the weather to warm up...maybe we need a York County park day or something (Gettysburg?).

 

Yes we do! I would love that and so would my dd!

[Sonshine]

You are being a good mother and doing the right thing.

 

It may be too hot of an issue to discuss the book with your daughter right now. She may feel like you are attacking her friend and her friend's family. You may need to let the dust settle a bit before going through it with her. Or maybe discuss the ideas in the book, without directly mentioning the book (for now). This makes me think I need to discuss those issues in a more detailed, direct way with my daughters. Better forewarned.